Soft Life

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Speaker 1: All right, I'm ready. Hi guys, welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, Sweetie. And today I guess what we're talking about, the soft life. Yes, I am. I'm trying to hone in on my soft life. And recently this term was coined, and I feel it derived from Black women who are tired. We're tired. We are tired of doing everything by ourselves, especially Black women. We do everything, we hold everybody up, we single black women. I have to do everything by myself. I have to do the things that has to be the man and the woman, and it's exhausting. And I don't know if you guys feel the way I feel, but I'm ready for the soft life. And I feel like the soft life starts with us. You know, we have to start hiring people to do some of these things to help us really tap into that softly, because you will run yourself ragged trying to do your job and a job that a man should be doing. Okay, so let's get into it. I found this quote by Zoe's Aldana and it really resonated with me. She said, I like what I do, I like how I do it. I like my mistakes. I like the pace at which I learned from my mistakes. I don't want to be anybody else but me, and by knowing this, I want to continue figuring out who the fuck I am. Zoe Zoldana Okay, first of all, says me too. I'm trying to figure that out. But while I do that, I want to keep it cute and keep it solved. Listen. I feel like we can take it back back to slavery, where the black woman had to keep the family lifted, had to hold everything down, the men would lead, the men would get killed. It was so many different things, and I think generationally it has just been ingrained in us. This is what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to hold it down while he's out working. You need to make sure the kids are going. You need to make sure the house is right. You need to also have a job. You need to birth the children, you need to make sure that they're raised up right. It's just so many things that fall into the place of being a woman, and it becomes too much, like way too much. And I think we are finally to a point where, like y'all, we're tired, We are tired, and we want help. That's where we are, and that's where the term soft life came from. For the past probably seven to eight years, really, yeah, seven to eight years, I have been doing everything by myself. Even when I dated for a few years between twenty fifteen and twenty seventeen, I was still handling a lot of things on my own. And it wasn't until recently because as women, and to a fault, we have felt like men weren't stepping up so that we had to do it all ourselves. And then it became this whole I'm independent, I don't need a man, So we go through that whole thing, which is a lie. We do need our men, and because that was ingrained in us, then it like pushed us to just go harder and we became more and more and more successful, more independent, and probably so consciously we were pushing men away from us, and so we kind of did it to ourselves ladies, if you think about it. But also the men and y'all wasn't stepping up the way you need it to either, So we both can take responsibility in how we got here. But for me, I know it got to a point where I was just like, man, I am tired, Like this is a lot. My garbage disposal broke down one time and I was like, Lord, like this is something like my man should be handling. Why am I calling around trying to figure who can come fix this? Waking up this morning at seven o'clock it's freezing cold. I gotta take the trash out, like I'm doing everything myself. And to me, it's just like I feel like a woman. Women need to like tap back into their femininity. We have become so masculine. I know for me I have. It's like and I had to catch myself sometimes because I have taken on the ego of a man and feeling like yeah, I got this pride and I pumped my chest like I did this myself, Like everything you see is me. I want to be like everything you see is us. We did this. Cheers. I'm cheers into my imaginary man. Cheers. Baby. We did that, I know, and we're gonna take this thing to the moment like Beyonce and Jay, Yeah, thank you love that. That's my imaginary man. We sipt champagne and all those things. Soft life. But seriously, like I'll be talking to him, Yeah, I know, she laughing at us. You will be here. What day. I know that I know manifestation. I am manifesting my man who is going to come and help make this thing a little softer. Okay, but no, I feel like it's a double edged short. I feel like men and women have played a part and women having to feel like they have to do it on their own, and women have pushed men away because men's like, well, shit, what am I gonna do? You got it all figured out? What am I coming in here to do? You got the house, you got the cars, you got the career. You clearly you got the garbage supposed to fix what you need me for. There are things that men can do that women can't do and that women shouldn't be doing. And it's not gender roles or anything like that. It's just coming in and just being a team and playing your part. And for me, I just got tired. I was like I cannot keep doing this, Like I gotta figure it out. So I started creating my own soft life. I made sure that I get my massages weekly. I make sure I take time out to work out. I take time out to meditate, do yoga, things that calm me down because sometimes I get so caught up in my career and making sure I'm keeping up with life and keeping up the image. Let's be real, because you have this the image I have to upkeep. Now that's a lot and it takes a lot of hard work to do that. But if I got to work and I gotta keep everything up, it becomes too much. So trying to find that balance within myself and creating a self life that I want another man to come in and add to. So, yeah, that's how I got here. That's why I'm sitting shit in family's couch talking to y'all. I really saw my masculinity kicking when I moved to Atlanta and started pursuing music. Because it's such a male dominated industry, I felt like I had to have this hard shell so men knew not to try me. And it was like a protector shell. And I remember like I would go to studio sessions and men were be like, I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I would love to take you on a date. And I'm like, bro, if you have to lead what I know, I'm not supposed to do this, why are you doing it? You know? And I was alone in a lot of those rooms, so I had to make sure people knew don't play with me. And that's where that hardness come from the South. Like I'm a Southern girl through and through Southern vale let the man lead. I was taught all the Southern ways you speak to people in the morning. I moved to DC and I'm like, good morning to complete strange. I was just that was the Southern ways of me, and They're like, who are you talking to? And even then I started like realizing, Okay, you gotta kind of tone it down. You can't be so friendly and gullible. And it was when I moved to Atlanta that I realized, Okay, I got to let these people know they can come to me, and I have to carry that. And it just carried on through my career, even through acting, working costumes, designing all those things. I had to like make it known, like this woman cares. You know, there are certain women there walk into a room you just know, oh I can't. I can't play with her. She don't play. Like my daddy said, they cut out recesses when I was in school because I don't play. We don't do that. So I had to let people know, like, you can't play with me, and I think that carried on into relationships where it was just like I can do it all. Like case in Point season two of Fatima, A Zatima just came out and Fatima was trying to change her tire. She got a whole man, but Fatima was so used to doing everything on her own she didn't even think calls that he would love to come and help. But women have been so conditioned to you gotta do it yourself. You need to know how to do everything because what if a man is not here to save you figure it out? And then some women don't want to bother men, but they're men. Sometimes I feel like letting a man know that you need him makes him come even harder because he feels wanted, he feels needed. It's like, Okay, my baby need me. And the same thing for women. We want to know that our man needs us. And I feel like if we can, I'm the right person to like create with, we can both tap into our soft side because me and eat the soft life too. I don't think it's just a women thing. Honestly, I feel like men can have If we all come in and help each other together, we both can have a soft life. I've been a relationship where a guy was like, I got it. I got it, Crystal, I got it. You don't have to do it. And I think too, I'm like, I used to be such a control frick. I wanted to make sure everything went right, and because of that, I wanted to handle it myself because I don't know if you're gonna do it the way I need to be done. So I wouldn't allow the man to do certain things because I just wanted to make sure it was done the way I wanted it. And sometimes you just have to learn how to let a man lead, let him do his thing, and he had to kind of put me in my place, like, Y, like you you got to let me be the man and do these things. And I was like, okay, you right, But there are some men that I do not feel comfortable in letting them lead. So I feel like I still got to do it because I don't even trust that you're gonna leave me in the right direction. And when I get to that point and it's like, what are we doing anyway? Like if I can't truice you to leave me and know that you're gonna take us in the right direction, and we're gonna be all right, then we don't need to be together. But yeah, I definitely have had a man tell me I need to calm down because I'm very much I'm even like when things aren't going right, I'm the one like that'll call the company and be like, hey, what's going on with this? No, we need to get this fixed. This is unacceptable. Like I'm the fixer, Like put my white hat on, like carry Washington and the scandal, put my white hat on and try to fix it. And sometimes you gotta let the man make the call and fix those things. And I just sit back and sit my champagne the right. Baby, I know I don't let you do it. You get it. Soft life, to me looks like this. Soft life is not all about sitting on the couch looking cute, sipping rerose egg. Soft life is femininity. It's allowing yourself to exude that, to be lady like, to be comfortable in your own skin, to know that you don't have to be all hard all the time. It means self care, taking care of yourself. It means taking time out to do things that you enjoy doing. Soft life means saying no. Sometimes saying no to the things that don't bring you peace, because sometimes a lot of things that you're saying yes to can also be driving that hardness as well. So I feel like understanding where you are, understanding the energy that you want to have around you all falls into encompassing the soft life. My most recent no has honestly been when my friends want to go to certain places and it just doesn't agree with my spirit or I'm tired and I really just need to rest. I've had to learn. And it's funny. I'll look at them be like no, and they're like you just like you do not care. I'm like, no, I don't like, I don't want to do that because I've been such a people pleaser and that too, can cause a lot of strain on your life. And you're just saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, what do you need? All right? Gotcha? What do you need? Gotcha? What do you need? Gotcha? It becomes too much and you have to take the time out to be like, you know what, I'm cool, so say no to friends sometimes. Even this one guy that I was talking to, he's tried it, never has gone anywhere, but recently he had come back and he was like Hey, let's go to dinner at this particular restaurant that's really hard to get into. I know the GM, but if you want to take me figure it out, you know. Like I'm like, I want somebody to come in and I'm already doing a million things to create this life that I have, and you want to take my time away from doing what I gotta do. At least figure out how to make a reservation and figure it out. So he was like, yeah, but you're probably gonna need to call and make the rest best because I don't know anybody and it's gonna be hard to get in there. And I was like okay, And then two days later he didn't hear from me. So he was like, I guess you got like coled feed or like change your mind, I said, you know, I was like, I just thought about it. I said, We've tried to do this, and every time we hang out, I don't call you anymore. We don't talk for months or a year, and then you see me and you want to hang out and I'm like, okay, I have nothing going on, so maybe it's just something to do because there's nothing to do. I'm not wasting my time anymore. I was like, I'm gonna say no. And I was like, God has shown me that this hasn't gone anywhere since I've met you, and it's not going to continue to go anywhere, So I'm not going to keep wasting my time. A week later, where was this man at No Boo the restaurant? So you figured it out? So you could have figured it out when you wanted to take me. Now the right man come along and he's put it in the right energy coming to see me. Okay, cool, Like what we're doing? Oh well, I know somebody, because you're making me feel like you're just not taking take and take and taken when you're pouring into me. I'm pouring into you. And you love this restaurant and you want to take me there, well, oh, bab I know the GM, so I'll cause them, I'll set it up. We're good. I don't feel like that. But when you've continually wasted my time for years and then you want to come in and oh I want to take you up, but you got to call and make the reservation and you're gonna get my face, get out my face. And that's how I felt about it. So that was another that was this year, top of the year, and I was It felt so good to just be like yeah, no, no, And I felt so soft after that, I really did. I got back in my king size bed, pulled my duvet over me and watch you and I was good. But it's like, I don't know. It was definitely one of the moments where I was like, this feels good to say no. And I think a lot of times it's women. We don't advocate for ourselves. We advocating for everybody else in our lives except for ourselves. We have to stop doing that. We put everyone before us and a lot of times we know our worth, but we're not really acting like we know it. And we'll deal with things, deal with relationships, deal with friends that we family members, people that we really need to just remove ourselves from because we haven't really tapped into who we really are and understand like what we're worth. And I feel like understanding, hey, this is not what I deserve. I'm gonna put me first is a part of the soft life. So let's take it back to the guy who asked me to go eat. Here's another part to it. Why did I feel the need when he asked me to go eat, go out to eat, and let's go to dinner. Why did I feel the need to say yes instead of just saying no. Then it took me like two days to think about it, and then I was like, this isn't what I want to do and I'm not gonna act like I want to do it. And I feel like in that moment, like I didn't want to find I probably didn't want to have the conversation. But in another breath, I didn't have nothing going on. I wasn't actively talking to anybody. It was a dry season, so I was like, I ain't got nothing else to do. I like, No Boo, they can go eat, it's fine. But when I thought about it, I was like, I can go to No Boo anytime. I don't need you do that and you can't get me in there. It's what we're doing, like we only go on because I got the connection and you've shown me. And that's another thing. When people show you who they are the first time, believe them because I've allowed this person to like pop in and out and it never went anywhere, but he always came around when I had nothing going on. So they always say that an idle mind is the devil's playground. And I was like, I mean, I ain't got nothing going on, Yeah, we can go whatever. And it was also too just to get the conversation over with. But once I thought about it, I was like, no, we're not doing this. And that was me advocating for myself and my time and understanding Crystal, you are worth more. God has more for you. If you keep wasting your time on people who don't see you and don't value and don't add the same value or equal value to your life, you're never gonna get what God hask for you. So I had to That's another thing. I had to stop wasting my time on men who have already shown me they're not equipped to handle me or to take me to where I need to go. Some of the things I practiced daily just to like give myself a soft life, to feel like a woman waking up in the morning talking with God, not instantly jumping on my phone, taking a bath, soaking, reading a book, working out, taking care of myself. I may treat myself to dinner, I may cook because I feel like those are things I enjoy doing as a woman. Like that make me feel like when I'm in the kitchen. It's just something that feels so feminine about it. I feel like I'm like tapping into a different energy than if I'm just like ordering uber eats, which I do all the time. But it's something that I can do that. I like to cook, I like to do yoga. Those are things that call me any Any type of activities that calm me down is a way that I tap into my soft life. Putting on my sick pajamas, pouring a glass of wine or champagne for no reason, no celebration. We just do it cause that's what we do. And also that like understanding that I don't have to have a reason to do something extravagant. I don't have to. It isn't oh well it's a birthday, now we can poss some champagne. No, it's a Tuesday and it's twelve o'clock in the a day. I do it because I want to, because I can. That's period period. Y'all heard me. Do it because you can pour your glass of champagne on Tuesday afternoon, says, and toast to yourself and to your future man. Right, yep, don't forget about your man over here. Y'all better keep manifesting, y'all. Don't feet he over here. Okay, yes, he's taller than that. He's like right here. Because I'm manifesting the time. Man, Yeah, I am stupid, you know what. Even when I'm filming, when I'm working fifteen sixteen hour days, sometimes longer than that, I can't get to the gym because I'm too tired. Those are times where like and I'm If you know me, you know I am a workaholic. I take my job and craft very serious. As soon as I wrap, i'm studying, if I'm on a break, i'm studying, I always want to make sure that I'm on it at all times. And when I'm doing those things, I make sure my soft life comes into making sure I'm eating good, making sure i'm when it's time to rest, just rest. Don't worry about the workout. Your body needs understanding. Okay, in this moment, I know you feel like you need to work out. I know you're on camera, but your body needs to rest. And understanding and tapping in to that and listening to your body is a part of the soft life because when you're going, going, going, you're not really listening that's when you get sick. That's when you pass out on set. We've seen it happen before. So taking the time to really just rest when I'm filming, making sure I'm still eating healthy, paying attention when I'm putting my body. And when I'm done, that's when I like take a vacation because the way we shoot is insane. So when I'm done, i am my brain is fried. I don't want to talk to nobody. I just want to get to a beach and lay out all day, drink my good drinks and have some fun. But I think it's all in the balance you have. You know that there's sometimes when you got to grind. I'm not saying that every day you're going to wake up sipping champagne. You got to work. You know when you're gonna have to grind. You have to have a work ethic. But you have to find that balance. And when I'm working, I may not be able to get massage, but I try to get them on the weekends if I can. But when I'm during the week when I'm filming, and I can't do that. But yeah, just try to find the balance. For sure. I define femininity as a woman that is that makes when you come around her, you feel lighter. It's not a lot of heaviness that comes with you. You make people feel safe. I feel like feminine energy makes people feel safe, It serves people, it helps people. It's an energy. It's like a it's just like that air about you, like the way she sits because I'm I'm a tomboy. But when i'm when I tap into that feminine energy, I may sit up like this, you know, like if something you know he over here, I may sit like this and put that thing on, you know, that feminine energy you know. You know, I might cross my legs or the way I hold my glass, you know. In other days I'm like be like this, like yeah, what's up? But it just depends, like there's so many different ways that it zoos. You know. It's not always something that you can pinpoint, but it's a feeling. And when I feel safe as a woman, especially around a good man, I'm able to tap into that ladylike energy, that feminine energy where it's not so masculine and hard. Because I have that too, where y'all be. I'm working on it, but I'll be cussing and I'm working on it. But like you some people talking like, damn, girl, have you been on a pirate ship? Because I be cursing like a little sailor sometimes. But I'm working on we're gonna start a cursing jar, and so we're gonna do we had to get a jar to know, we gotta get a jar on here. A man that I can talk to about anything. A man that I feel free around, I don't feel judged. A man that I can like author like, wipe it all off. I can wipe it all off. He's like, my goodness, you are just the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. A man that I trust to leave me when I know that, like you can leave me and guide me and I can not be in control all the time, and I can like, baby, you got that, Like I ain't got to worry about that. You got it. That is like the safest feeling. A man that is after God's own heart, A man that I know like we're in alignment with our spiritual walk. Those are things that make me feel safe because I know that if we're serving the same God, if we are we have our vision and eyes on the same goal. Those are things that make me feel like, Okay, I can I can be myself. I can be a lady. I don't have to be all hard, I don't have to be in control. I can just be. And I haven't felt that in a long time. So I'm waiting on the one that really makes me feel like that. If I had a daughter, I would, at a very young age, like I would take her to the many petty s line. We would go to Nelse Line together, to the hair salon. These are other things that women do to just feel like a woman, same way men go to the barber shop every week. Women do the same thing. I would make sure because I didn't get like manicures and pedicures until I got to college, Like that wasn't something my mom did with me or for me. So I would make sure that like I took her to do those things, I would show her how a man should treat her. And I would hope that I have a man or a husband, that we're that example for her because for me, like I saw my dad how he steal from like when they married to now like how he still courts her, takes her to dinner, they still have date nights. I would try to be an example for her to see like, oh my mom did this, Like oh my mom takes bubba baths, so I'm gonna take a bubble bath. You know. Like those are things that like little girls can like learn at a very young age to know, like this is what you do as a lady, like let's go dress shopping. Let's make sure that this is how you sit etiquette classes. There's different things that I would instill in her the very young ag age so that as she got older, she would know how to carry herself as a woman. I started doing pageants. A lot of people don't know this, but I was a beauty pageant girl. I started in junior high school. I was a tom boy. It's like that was the furthest thing in my mind. My mom was just like I think you should do pageants, and all my friends like you should be in the Genie Smart and pageant. And I was like all right, So like I was the girl. My shoe came off the first time I walked out there. It was so embarrassing. And it was something about that first day getting my makeup done and putting the dress on. I was like, ooh, I felt like a princess. And I remember wading backstage. They were calling out the contestants and who the winners, and I was like, everybody else is like huddled up, and I was just kind of walking around wandered. In my own word, I've always been like a in my own little world kind of girl, still am. And they announced me as a winner, and like they were at Crystal Is she and I was like what They were like, you want and I was like I did, so I go out there and then I kind of got hooked on it, and I started doing more and more pageants, and once I got to like Miss Tennessee and that level of pageantry, it becomes like it's a different type of competition. I had to take etiquette classes to even learn certain things. The way I spoke, We had interviews like you see how I just change the way I spoke. There's a certain way you talk when you're in beauty pageants. There's a certain way you walk. You have to walk with your shoulders back, the chin parallel to the ground. When your arm swing, the tips of your fingers touch your legs, so you're not walking like this. It's like, it's so many different things that I learned while I was in pageants. That definitely helps me be more lady like and tap into my feminine energy. But I always try to say true to myself as well. I remember I was like backstage when I'm getting ready to all the girls are like yeah, like Princy and Prints. I have my headphones on and I'm listening to the M and M lose yourself because I knew I was about the win and I did, but like I was, I was still stay treating to myself. And if I like the balance of masculine and feminine energy without being too hard. So I feel like there's a way to have that soft life and still be a little bit of both because there's a coolness about the masculine energy, Like when a woman is like she's not all presy all the time. Me and life that like, yo, my girl, we can just chill in sweatpans. She ain't gotta be all made up. Everything doesn't have to be all fancy all the time. They love when a woman can just adapt to any scenario and be like cool, like it's whatever. When you take me something to a ball a gala, I'm gonna step out and you be like, wow, yes, I'm the Queen of the night. Let's go. We going to the game. I'm gonna be fly. We go into the park. You know what I'm saying. I can do. I can fit in wherever I need to fit in. We're gonna go hiking. I'm not gonna be like, well, I am gonna be like because I don't like bugs or snakes or spiders, nothing, but I do like I just don't like anything that comes along with hiking. But I'm rad. I'm down to getting dirty, I'm down to sweed, I'm down to have fun. So I think it is all about finding that balance between masculine and feminine energy. We say that we are all made in God's likeness and in his image. I'm a woman and I'm made like God.

00:28:21
Speaker 2: You're a man, and you're made like God. He did not make imagine every So my men watching, you're a man and you're made like God.

00:28:33
Speaker 1: And God is not a female or a man. Why are we so hard on men who are super feminine and hard on women that are super masculine. And I'm trying to feel that because that's that's really really good because God made us in his image, And like, I feel like a lot of times, the feminine and masculine energy comes from like our upbringing and what we saw. You know, for me, I saw my I was in a two raising a two parent household. But I was very influenced by my cousins and my most of my cousin, my girl cousins were like tomboys. We were raising the country, so we were always doing like playing in dirt and out in the fields, in the in the woods, doing stuff like that. But I feel like we judge people for being two femine, especially men, and I feel like there I want a man that can tap into his feminine side. I'm not saying be like yeah, girl, uh cheers. I'd be like, Okay, that's okay, you're taking too far, chill out. But you know what I'm saying, I still wanna be able to have him to be vulnerable, and sometimes people must say vulnerability for femininity. I feel like everybody should vulnerable. I was talking to somebody somebody the other day talking about me and shouldn't cry, Like I never let anybody see me cry. Why why don't you do that? Like there's nothing wrong with that, And it's I don't feel like you should tap that's a human feeling. Don't make that that's a feminine thing. Only females cry. I feel like that's what's wrong with a lot of men and men today, is that they bottle so much inside because they've been told man, suck it up, you shouldn't cry. Don't do that, like tough enough, you weak, you a bitch, like all these things, and that's not the case. Like, no, come cry on my shoulder. We're gonna be good. Let's figure it out. But I feel like we have to be open to all sides that it definitely there's a balance in men and women, and we have to be open to all sides that come with our men and they come with our with our women. All right, guys, you already know this is my favorite part of the show, Positive Outcomes, where you guys, my community, my family right in to get my advice on certain things that you're going through. And today this young woman says, Hi, Crystal, I just wanted to tell you that I love you, and I feel like I know you. I watch you every week and I love your show. I am a mother of five, and I want to say I love my kids very much, but I am tired, honey. I'm tired. Everyone on Instagram is talking about this soft life, and I'm like, Brandy, I want to be down. I know that's right. I want to be down. I used to love that song. Can you please give me some tips on how I can have a soft life because I really deserve it. Yes, you do. Si. First of all, thank you, thank you so much for watching. I appreciate it. But let's get into it. Who mother of five, I know you tire sis. So you definitely have to find time for yourself. You have to find time to literally say, hey, kids, I need a minute. My mom used to do this thing where she would come in from work and she woulday, I need an hour. I need an hour. And that was how. That was another way that I knew you gotta take that time for yourself. So do that. And then also, everybody's on Instagram talking about the soft life, but everybody ain't living it. So don't get caught up with what everybody's on Instagram. You have to figure out what works for you, what makes you feel good, and be open to that. But you do deserve it. Know that you deserve it. Take time to find out what you like to do, tap into that, and I promise you you will start to find balance and you'll start to feel softer. All right, thank you so much for writing it on this episode. What am I going through and what am I growing through? I'm going through learning how to relinquish control, to not always be in control, because I think that's a part of a lot of the pressure and anxiety that I put on myself. And I'm growing through understanding that there's a balance in everything. And when I find that balance, I've really tapped into something. So finding the balance of my soft life but also keeping that grit and that grind that I have. And yeah, I'm gonna figure it out. So I'm growing through that. So thank you guys so much. I appreciate it. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode with me and my man. We appreciate you guys tuning in. We are nothing without you. Next time, y'all come, I'm gonna have a man. I'm just gonna put that out there or sometime this year, I will, but no, seriously, if you guys want to write in, please write in to keep it positive sweet at gmail dot com. I appreciate you guys so much. Tap in with me on Instagram. Twitter, TikTok all the things at love Christa Ornee and I will see you guys next time. Can't wait. Take care and in the meantime, you know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie, and get you a glass of champagne. Cheers. It's good in it babe, real quick though. Keep it blake. What would your keep it blank be for this episode? Keep it honorable, sweetie? That's good. I like that. Mine would be Keep it soft, sweetie. That good. That's good? All right, honorable and soft. So you guys keep that in mind. We'll see you next time. Yeah, p d A. This is my definitely love and fiction. Give it to me. Hey, you so crazy.