Keeping it 100 & Positive w/ KJ Smith

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Calling all my sweeties to the forefront.

00:00:03
Speaker 2: I'm your host, Christopher, and this is the Keeping Positive Sweetish Show. Hey, sweeties, I am so happy that you are back with me for another episode.

00:00:15
Speaker 1: And while I have you here, I want you to lean in real quickly. Is this thing on? Just real quick?

00:00:21
Speaker 2: I have a question for you, what would you do if you knew that you could not fail? Go ahead, get your journal and write that vision, and go ahead and make it plain, because it's just as simple as that.

00:00:34
Speaker 1: Our guest today is my sister, y'all.

00:00:36
Speaker 2: She is a wife, a glowing mommy, and an actress and an entrepreneur. You might know her from I don't know a show named Sisters, playing a character named Andy Barnes his family. Please welcome our sister, kJ Smith Black. Hey Chris, I'm so happy to have you here today.

00:00:56
Speaker 3: I'm happy to be here. You look good.

00:01:00
Speaker 1: Know we like to make it feel like home here, Yes, it does, thank you. How are you feeling?

00:01:04
Speaker 3: I feel good? I feel good.

00:01:06
Speaker 2: You're really excited and energized. I feel that I feel when you walked in. You don't look like you're what month are you in now?

00:01:14
Speaker 3: I'm going into my seventh months yeah, two days, it'll be seven months.

00:01:20
Speaker 1: Two days. You look amazing.

00:01:21
Speaker 2: I was telling you when you walked in, I said, I hope that if I ever get pregnant, that I wear just you're all belly. You know, some people, I feel like I'm going to blow up in the face, my arms, everything you want.

00:01:31
Speaker 3: You know, why did you train your fit? You know what I mean. It's all gonna go where it's supposed to go like that, Yeah, because they definitely what we're supposed to. I receive that. And also I'm trying to honor my body and everything that's happening, Like it's so much change. I'm just like, whatever happens, I'm allowing. I'm not about to fight with this. It's I'm literally changing every day. It's a new something, a new bump, a new rash, a new something, and I'm just like this, this is a part of creating life, and that's cool.

00:02:02
Speaker 1: It is. Yeah. Yeah, I love that you're you're adapting to it and you're own in it.

00:02:06
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:02:06
Speaker 1: I love that.

00:02:07
Speaker 2: The last time I saw you, we were filming Census, and it felt like overnight, Like when you first came. It was just like a little bump and we were able to hide it. And then you came back over the weekend.

00:02:17
Speaker 1: We were like.

00:02:20
Speaker 3: And I was like, I'm ready action.

00:02:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was crazy. But whatching you.

00:02:28
Speaker 2: Do that kJ was so inspiring because you are like you're O a girl, like you're the one that you're everywhere on the show. You know, a lot of us like get time off. kJ does not get time off, like she's at everybody's house. She's handling, putting fires out for everyone. So to see you handle it with so much grace it inspired me because a lot of times I think I'm make an excuse, but I don't have time to get pregnant.

00:02:50
Speaker 1: But seeing you do it out there was a little.

00:02:54
Speaker 2: Was like I could do that, you can do it you.

00:02:59
Speaker 3: I received that because I honestly I was. I felt the same way. I was like, I don't have time. Where is the time? What people don't see is in between us shooting our show. We have our own endeavors. We're entrepreneurs. We are doing life as well, and so it's like we're creating outside of being on set, right And so I felt the same way. I felt like I don't have time, or I'm not equipped, or I don't know what I'm doing. I had a lot of doubt before Sky and I decided to get pregnant. And you know, I'm telling all my friends I'm trying to recruit. Okay, I'm starting to recruit a program, and I need you to be on my list because you all people can do it. I've seen you do so so many amazing things, and you absolutely can do it. Yeah.

00:03:51
Speaker 1: I feel like to a.

00:03:52
Speaker 3: Lot of people you are now now that I had to fix because I am too, and I've had to transmute that energy to recall my energy from mothering people mostly adults, and I've had to recall a lot of energy and that doesn't really bode well with some people, but I had to do it because I'm like, I have to do this thing. This is the most important thing in my life.

00:04:18
Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely.

00:04:19
Speaker 2: Where were some of the challenges that you face during like filming and this is a new era that you're walking in.

00:04:27
Speaker 3: My biggest bout was acid reflux, motion, sickness, just gastro intestinal issues, wanting to herge in the middle of a scene, or you know, clothes being you know, on Monday, I'll be a certain size and then by Wednesday, I'm a different size. Yeah, I had to unzip. I'm behind my desk, y'all. There are scenes where I'm literally behind my desk with my pants unzipped because the clothes no longer fit going absolutely, And I think having the crew that we work with made it easier because we're with people we trust, with people we've been working with forever. So everyone was like, it's okay, you need more water, do you need a moment? Do you need you know, people were helping me out. We had that scene where I had to lay it on the ground. Oh yes, I was like that like eight times, and I was like and all you know, the men came and they helped you and helped me lay down and everybody was helping me get up. So I think being with our family made it easier. But the physical challenges there was nothing really I can do about it but try to get you know, we don't get sleep. We don't get sleep, and so I was really concerned a lot because with this pregnancy, it's a high risk pregnancy, it's a geriatric pregnancy, and so for me, I was on edge while we were shooting because I'm not sleeping eight hours and they recommend ten to twelve and I'm not even sleep in eight. So for me, I'm going to work and I'm a little worried, but I had to kind of release that. But I'm worried because they're telling me that sleep is the most important time thing for this time. So it was a little bit of concern, but mostly it was the physical, my own physical things. But our teammate it a lot.

00:06:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, because there's a nice they are.

00:06:25
Speaker 1: It's really like one big, happy family, it really is. Yeah.

00:06:29
Speaker 2: I can imagine that we've had candid conversations about just and you've talked about it as well, about the doctor's telling you you were infertile in its journey of even knowing if you could have children. Can you share with us some of the things that you've been through to get to this moment.

00:06:45
Speaker 3: Yes, And I really I'm so happy that you have me here because I watch your show, and I imagine that other women who are like me watch your show, and these are other women who feel the way I feel, which is it's too late for me or my doctor told me I can't. And as a woman who I have pcos I have fibroids, I'm later on in life and so every doctor I went to, we're like, ah, you have fibroids on the uterisk. You know you're going to have an issue with getting pregnant or you may not be able.

00:07:20
Speaker 1: To get pregnant.

00:07:21
Speaker 3: You have PCOS. The number one symptom of PCOS is infertility. And then I started going to the fertility clinic before my husband and I even started trying to get pregnant, really because I'm a type A person. So I'm like, I have to plan in it to make sure that we can do this before we even start. We go to the doctor, we test him, we test me. He's like, you know, you have plenty eggs. It's fine, but you have this fibroid. And on the paperwork it says infertile. On the paperwork, it says infertile. My husband was fine, Yeah, my husband was fine. I used my hands. My husband was absolutely fine. So he was fine. But the doctor, he said, you have plenty of eggs, he said, but you have this FIBROI and he said it looks as if you would be infertile. He said, let's get you in here for IVF. And so this was like November January this year. January this year, we had a schedule because I was like, I'm going to do it after holiday. As I told I was told that it causes like hormonal changes, et cetera. And so I was like, Oh, I'm going to do my IVF journey after the holidays. Now, mind you, we hadn't even started like really trying, yeah, and committing to trying. And over the summer, I had committed to healing my pcos.

00:08:46
Speaker 1: Because you do that, there's a lot of black women that.

00:08:49
Speaker 3: Absolutely, oh yes, oh please, yes, I was going to say. I was like, literally, I want to write down everything I did. I started taking a supplement called a nastol and this is just for me. I started taking a supplement called anastol. I started taking a lot more magnesium. I started incorporating that into my diet. And for black women, we have to release the stress. We cannot be everyone superhero. I went completely dark this summer. I was I went dark this summer. I said, listen, I'm off the grid. Do not call me, do not ask me to go to any event, no red carpet, no work. I don't want to do any of that because I have to heal my body. Apparently, I had been operating with high cortisol levels for I don't even know how many years. So I've been operating at fight or flight for years, Yes, for years. Didn't even know I'm any little thing. I'm high strung. Yeah, and that has all changed because of the supplements that I started to incorporate in my life and my die and I'm not going to hold you now. The TikTok girlies were right, girl, these were right. I went on TikTok and I started I started taking while yam uh, using while yam cream, putting it on my wrists, putting it on the top of my belly. And that also shifted. I started having easier cycles. Yes, the facial hair, those those types of issues started to go away. Listen, I'm gonna keep it one hundred on, keep it positive. We're gonna keep it one hundred and positive. And so that I spent the whole summer just trying to heal my body, trying to heal myself, trying to heal my mind. And it worked, and then I didn't. I honestly didn't even feel prepared to have a baby before that, and and then I started overthinking about, oh, now it was time to have a baby. That was time to have a baby. Now it was time to have a baby, like just going reverting back to high strong. Yes, so but yeah, that that's that's largely a part of my journey. January nineteenth, we found out that we were pregnant.

00:11:00
Speaker 4: What was that moment, Like, oh my god, yes, I I had just took my weave down.

00:11:12
Speaker 3: I just took my hair out, and you know, I gotta be.

00:11:16
Speaker 1: Cute.

00:11:16
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm wearing my natural hair now lately, but you know, I used to be a weave girl.

00:11:23
Speaker 1: Okay, I used to listen.

00:11:26
Speaker 3: So I had just took my my weave out, and I was like, oh my wa wash, my hair is gonna be a self care day. And I had gotten in the habit of taking a pregnancy test because we started in November. So I got into having a you know, taking a pregnancy test. And and so I was like on the phone with my cousins. Was eight of us on a call. Every Sunday, I'm on the I'm on the phone with my cousins for six to eight hours. They're my they're my besties. And so I'm on the phone with them casually, and you know, the phone's on me. That we do this all the time, so I have them in my headphones. I'm taking I'm taking a pregnancy test, and and you know, in the shower washing my hair, and I said, oh wait, I gotta check my test. And I had gotten into the habit of just being casual about it because they told me it was gonna take six months to get pregnant. I was planning on starting. I had a plan, friend, I had a plan. Okay, I had a plan on get it started in November, so that by the time we had finished film me, I would be pregnant and I can just yes, exactly, I got time off, said listen, yes, And so I was washing my hair and I casually looked. I kind of just looked out of the shower and looked at the pregnancy test because it's a certain time I think you're supposed to and don't quote me on this, I think you're supposed to look at it, like after five minutes, but not after like ten. So like at five minutes, I was kind of like, oh wait, I gotta check my pregnancy test. So I looked and they said positive, and I went, whoa, and mind you, I got my cousin on the speakerphone in the shower and I go I just scream because I'm dramatic, and my cousin's like, what you know? Because my cousin's riding for me, They're like, what happened? What's going on? Do I need to come up there? Once? Having I'm in La at the time, they're all in Florida.

00:13:19
Speaker 1: Where are you gonna go?

00:13:20
Speaker 3: An? What are you gonna do? What? Excuse me? So I'm screaming to the top of my lawns and they're like, what is happening. I get out of the shower, and mind you, my hair is wet. I still got the shampoo in my hair, my body's wet, my fingers are wet. I'm trying to turn the camera onto them, put on a rope, show them the pregnancy test because I cannot even talk. So between crying and screaming and my cousin's panicing because I have put them in that state of beating, I am wet all over and I am just like fumbling with the phone. It was something out of a movie. I can't even make it up. And I finally like, dry my hands, show them the pregnancy test. They all have kids and momost of them, a lot of them have kids, and they were like, oh my god. So we're on the phone celebrating. Guy just got back. It was working.

00:14:14
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, this is a little great surprising.

00:14:16
Speaker 3: He was working. He had just got back from from all the man so he was in the guest bedroom taking a nap so that won't bother him. Because I was in the primary suite and so I'm screaming. They're like, you gotta tell Sky and I was like, no, I have a plan, a plan. Where's mygher where I wonder where my videography is And I'm like, I need to not give me this moment. Yes, girl, but god, the whole situation was but god, Wow, he's in the bed sleep, don't know nothing, didn't hear a peep. I'm screaming as I'm celebrating with my family and we come up with this little plan where I tell him to get the get something out of the oven and I'm like, oh, no, it's not a bun. This is it. I have a bun in this oven. And it's like yeah, So you know, I took a couple of tests before I showed him, just in case some extra. They were all positive, like super positive and so he's you know, he's always wanted to be a father, so he was elated. I can imagine it was amazing.

00:15:27
Speaker 1: I know it was.

00:15:28
Speaker 3: It was fantastic.

00:15:30
Speaker 1: No, no, I asked, I wanted to be taken to that moment, and he took us there. That was good.

00:15:36
Speaker 3: It was my first time telling that story. Yeah, hips exclusive.

00:15:43
Speaker 1: I love it. This exactly. You gotta watch it live.

00:15:52
Speaker 2: Going through all that, I'm really interested to know, Like what told that took on your faith to get to that point of joy, you know, because I know there had to be doubts, they had to be fear.

00:16:03
Speaker 3: It took my faith to a whole other level. I mean, listen, and I didn't even realize how doubtful I was. I didn't realize how weak my faith was. I'm gonna be honest with you. I was telling my executive Felicia this the other day. I was like, you know what, I just realized, I said, of all the interviews I've done, of all the press I've done, I mean, been acting a long time, it's been a lot of interviews. It's been a lot, especially with our show, with the success of it, is interviews all the time, which I love well, I love now. I used to be way too anxious to enjoy it because I was such a perfectionist. Now now I'm like, which you want to talk about? But I was telling her, I said, you know, I was looking back at some old stuff of me, and I was like, I have never given God the glory like publicly. Yeah, And I'm like, I'm always he was part of my life and I'm a believer, and I feel like, you know, I felt there was a part of me that just I don't know, I just felt like there was a part of me that felt like that was for someone else to do, maybe someone more proficient, someone who knew the Bible back and forth thought was worthy, for someone who I thought was worthy. But I mean, you know, me thought it was wild. Now, oh listen ahead, I was wild, a free spirit. You understand. She knows it. That's why she laughing. She laughing because it's true.

00:17:41
Speaker 1: And I was just so free. I was like.

00:17:46
Speaker 3: Is and you know, and I and I love that, And a part of me felt like being a free spirit did not give me the authority to talk about my relationship with God, because I feel like people would judge that they would be like, but you you like to dance, so you like to go to parties and you like to have parties and things like that. And I'm like, I'm still a God loving woman and a child of God, and I feel like God loves dancing as well.

00:18:12
Speaker 1: Dan, Hello, exactly.

00:18:15
Speaker 3: Yeah. So I think there was a part of my life and my worthiness that I had to overcome, my relationship with God. And Felicia said something really poignant. She said, God is gonna make it so that you have to make him a part of your story. And I received that because no one asked me about it, so I didn't bring it up. And then people assume that I am I am a on my knees journaling praying. I don't pray about God, and God don't play about me. These blessings just just no, and I know they don't. And so you know, I had it just dawned on me and I you know, I prayed before even coming on here. I said, God, what would you have me to say?

00:19:03
Speaker 1: Yep mm hmm. Every time I leave my house before I come here, I say that.

00:19:08
Speaker 3: And that's how I moved all the time. What would you have me to do? What would you have me to say, and I can honestly say it didn't happen until this miracle because I'm like, oh, my purpose is bigger. I can't control when or what happens in my life. Because I tried to control this and I don't know why, girl, amateroer, but I couldn't control it. And I was like, wait, that's not the plan. I'm supposed to get pregnant in April or after my birthday May six.

00:19:46
Speaker 1: I want to get pregnant on.

00:19:47
Speaker 3: My birthday from but you know, God was like, no, it's on my time. It is, and I have learned the lesson. I'm tired of relearning that lesson. Now I'm tryed to relearn that lesson.

00:20:02
Speaker 1: Girl.

00:20:03
Speaker 3: Everything is on God's time, and I'm tired of trying to control. I'm trying to I'm not even trying releasing.

00:20:10
Speaker 1: It's easy.

00:20:10
Speaker 3: Actually, it's easier than I thought it was.

00:20:12
Speaker 1: It is. Yeah, I'm proud of you for that.

00:20:13
Speaker 2: I remember meeting you, I want to say, twenty eighteen when the seventeen family funeral, and you were just this bright, bubbly free spirit.

00:20:25
Speaker 1: And then we met in two thousand, we got real claim.

00:20:28
Speaker 2: In twenty nineteen, my sisters got picked up, and you were still that same girl. And then there was this transition that turned into this very calculated kJ where you didn't speak like yourself.

00:20:38
Speaker 1: And we talked about this.

00:20:40
Speaker 2: Talking like kJ, I agree, and you got to a point You're like, I'm getting back to me. What was that transition and what were you going through when you were Was you just trying to figure out your your laying in this industry or who you were in this industry and your boys?

00:20:52
Speaker 1: Yeah?

00:20:53
Speaker 3: I lost myself.

00:20:54
Speaker 1: That's a real thing.

00:20:55
Speaker 3: I completely lost myself. I was trying to be what people wanted me to be. I played this attorney on television, so I wanted to make sure I was always pulled up in articulate and I wouldn't sit like this. I would be if I did an interview, would we poised and I would.

00:21:12
Speaker 1: We get am I am?

00:21:13
Speaker 3: I is every and I would and I would change my voice and I would shift I am a Southern girl from Florida. And yes, I've done the articulation classes and things like that, but that girl is still there, and the base in my voice is still there, you know what I mean? And so I would I would turn on like if we had done this interview, and that's why God's time we had done this. Even when you first started, I don't even know if I was myself.

00:21:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no I was.

00:21:46
Speaker 3: I was a different person and I and at some point I didn't even recognize myself. And I think you I hit. I think you hit the nail on the head. I was trying to trying to find myself in this nergy industry. We had gone from anonymous. I don't know how you did it. I mean, you did it flawlessly in my opinion, and maybe because you don't know, I don't know how you did it. But for me, oh my gosh, I just was like I felt blindsided in a good way, like by the success and the fame of the show. And you know, it was one time I think the shift was when we went to MardiGrass, when we went and saw and we went out in the public in at the parade monogral and people were like, I know you, and I was like, and it just went and I was like, whoa, whoa, what is going on? And then for that, you know, from I think from that time until I would say even right now, just right now, most recently maybe the last like I said, the summer, because I had to learn how to. I had to get some hormones and listen, ladies, get your hormones checks. Yes, hormones change over time. Get your hormone shack. I had to get my hormones checked because things were kind of out of whackt I had to figure out what was going on with my emotions. I had to figure out why I had high cortisol levels, I had hot estrogen levels. Everything is not glittering goal sometimes there's things going on inside and listen, I would love to still be that one, same young twenty one year old, but my body's changing, my life is changing.

00:23:28
Speaker 1: And yes, yes.

00:23:31
Speaker 3: So I'm going through these hormonal changes. And then I'm also having a very public experience. And so I did become I tried to get controlling and calculating it. This is going to make sense and this is good and this is my brand and this is what I'm staying for and this is what I want to look like, and this is you know, and some things are true to me, like I still want to be cute. I still want to be cute, Yes, and that's and sauce and that's who I am and that's okay. But I do not want to be overthinking. I do not want to be stressed out. I do not want to be false. I don't want to be inauthentic. And I mean, you hit the nail on the head. I absolutely was lost.

00:24:17
Speaker 1: And when you I think you took a break from Instagram, you came back on and I said, that's my kJ that's my girl, And I was like, she got it? What was that like, I can't do this anymore. Was there a moment or anything that made it click?

00:24:29
Speaker 3: Girl? I hit rock bottom. You already know, you already know you.

00:24:36
Speaker 1: Know up here? Why are you doing it?

00:24:44
Speaker 5: I got back inside joke shaw, I just spiled this down. I'm great, Okay, I'll never know if it looks like I got bootsweep, It's just water.

00:24:54
Speaker 3: It's water, everybody. Yeah, I think you know. I got to the point where we had the when did it? When did? I was like, oh wow, I've had a few pivotal moments in my life that we've all you know that you've been there with me during those times. My wedding was one of them, and that was a that was a very very specific load for me because I had yeah, because I did something I wanted to do. I did something I wanted to do. I did something the way I wanted to do it, and that was me. That was like, how would be me? The bachelorette party? That was I was like, that's me, that's my style, that's who I am, that's authentic to me. And it got so much coverage and I don't think that I had I'm fine with the way people speak about my character, but then when people start speaking about you as a person different and I started, I was like, WHOA, what's going on? Like I love this about myulf, I love this experience I had. Now, we did have some some issues on weddings are weddings, you know, but we did have some some particular issues. But the wedding overall, my husband and I curated that to do we wanted to do, and then people kind of made it something ugly and it was like the happiest day of my life. And so I was like, whoa, there's the disconnect between you know, me and the people that opinions I value, you know, or or in fans and people who I don't really know as well. It's all these things, all these things and when you have these major events, people have they want to right now, they're telling me, this is what you need to do for your baby.

00:26:55
Speaker 1: That's how you raised, you.

00:26:56
Speaker 3: Make that baby you make and don't sleep with aba. I'm like, everybody, relaxed. I'm gonna do what I want to do.

00:27:03
Speaker 1: Period.

00:27:04
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do what I want to do, and I don't and I mean that with the most loved and care in my heart. And now that I'm back in alignment with my my source. Yes, now that I'm back in alignment with God, I can trust myself. Right, Yeah, everything gonna be. We're good over here, we gucci. But yeah, I think around the wedding time, that's when I said I cannot be connected to people's opinions about me. And that's when I started to see the shift that was in twenty twenty three and I was like, Okay, I have to I have to figure out how to understand who I am, own who I am, be proud of who I am, trust that and standing that without trying to acquiesce to what's cool, what's trendy, or what people think. Because I'll do something I love from myself. And then I'm talking about back in the day. No, no, back in the day. I'll do something I absolutely love for myself and then I'll read a comment that makes me so it hurts me so bad, and I'll be like, oh, maybe I should have done that. Okay, next time I'm gonna do this. It was like, excuse me, excuse your part. Now write a comment back like excuse me, ma'am. I'm grown who you think you talk to?

00:28:26
Speaker 1: Right?

00:28:27
Speaker 3: Keep it positive, sweetie here, keep it positive, sweetie. Yes, like for real, everybody relaxed.

00:28:33
Speaker 2: I remember even like when I became famous or where I still don't people can ask me, are you.

00:28:38
Speaker 3: The you're mad famous?

00:28:39
Speaker 1: No, you're mad famous?

00:28:42
Speaker 3: Own it. I'm gonna cas you up, you're super famo lovely fred, Yes, go ahead.

00:28:48
Speaker 1: I had.

00:28:48
Speaker 2: I was on a plane and her daughter recognized me, and the mom was like sitting next to me, she goes, excuse me, are you a famous person?

00:28:54
Speaker 1: I was like, I guess it's so it was.

00:29:00
Speaker 2: It still doesn't click, you know, like I know it like when people see me and stuff, but like when people ask me, like I've never had anybody ask me are you famous? You know, to like hit the answer. Yeah, It felt weird to say yeah, I mean, I don't know what do you recognize me from? You know, it is weird, but she was actually really dope. But I remember before, like we've gotten this fame that I didn't care about.

00:29:27
Speaker 1: You know, nobody had.

00:29:28
Speaker 2: Whoever was following me wanted to follow me because they genuinely loved me and like they were supporters of me. So it was all love. And then we get this platform. We're on everyone's televisions in their living rooms. They welcome us into our home, and then it becomes this like obsession and this ownership of us.

00:29:46
Speaker 1: And I felt like.

00:29:47
Speaker 2: Everything that I did was under a microscope and I would like read every comment and it would literally it would how you say it hurt, It would hurt my feelings. And then I would start second guests and things, and I was started saying, well, maybe I just won't post anymore. I was just second guests in my entire life, in every move, and it does like change your way of thinking, the way you move, the way you even entertain people. You know, it kind of put you kind of because you don't know who's who.

00:30:11
Speaker 3: It's like absolutely the wall up girl, Come on now and we're gonna talk about it, gonna talk about it.

00:30:19
Speaker 2: The wall wall, it's a real wall that comes with this that we didn't even know.

00:30:24
Speaker 1: I don't know if we knew it was building up.

00:30:26
Speaker 3: I had no clue. Yes, and now it's like, oh, my friend, I'm gonna come over. I'm bringing my friend. No you're no, you're not.

00:30:33
Speaker 1: No, you're not.

00:30:35
Speaker 3: No, you're not. They have not signed the NDA. This is my home, this is my sacred space. Yes, everybody in that space, we're in that space. God, thank God. Yes, I am grateful for that. But it does come with this protection for yourself, you know.

00:30:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to see that.

00:30:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know how you did it.

00:30:59
Speaker 1: Girl. It was hard, and you say I hand gracefully.

00:31:03
Speaker 2: But there was many days where I was sitting home just like sad and like not feeling my best self. People still talk crazy about me, you know, and I'm just like whatever.

00:31:12
Speaker 1: And what really irks me is I don't go looking for that stuff.

00:31:16
Speaker 2: It's the people that tag me in it to let me know, and they're trying to like say, like somebody needs like this person talking bad about you.

00:31:24
Speaker 1: But I would never have seen it if you didn't tag me on it.

00:31:28
Speaker 2: Making sure I saw this to know that I got a big nose. I know that you didn't have to tag me.

00:31:33
Speaker 3: Perfect as it's kind. We love a concert, I love a content.

00:31:39
Speaker 1: When I like that concert, still a perfect thank you.

00:31:41
Speaker 2: But you know, like it's one of those things like they like highlight and make sure that you see everything.

00:31:46
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm so busy, I'm not looking for that.

00:31:49
Speaker 2: But then when I go look at my mentions to like repose people that I that are supporting me, then I'm seeing the filth and the messiness and all that and it's just.

00:31:57
Speaker 3: Like, baby, I'm a warrior in the army of the Lord. Do you understand I will block you so fast. I got my sword and shields and I'll go to war in case I need to. Yes, I don't. I don't. I don't play those types again. Yes, I have worked so much on myself. If people knew how hard it is to do what we do, how much energy it takes to work on yourself so that you can present so you can create a platform like this that changes people lives.

00:32:27
Speaker 2: Yes, I had to fix me first. Hello, listen, I couldn't come and hear messed up. I had to figure out what was wrong with me before I can get on here and tell you guys, this is what I've been through.

00:32:37
Speaker 1: These are my experiences, and this is how I got through it as if I didn't do the work.

00:32:40
Speaker 2: And that was even hard, you know, looking myself in the mirror and then looking at you little Crystal and teenage Crystal, adulthood Crystal and all her mistakes and what has shaped me to be the woman I am today. That's a hard lens to look through, you know. But to be able to do that, you have to do that.

00:32:56
Speaker 1: You have to heal, and.

00:32:57
Speaker 3: You continue to be transparent. I love that about you, and I think for me, I started off so transparent and I've kind of retreated and I don't I don't know what that.

00:33:11
Speaker 1: Is, but.

00:33:13
Speaker 3: I would love to get back to the space where I can be transparent and and just leave it, you know what I mean, not even whatever comes that whatever comes, it doesn't affect me at all. I'm not there yet, because you know, when people leave comments, I still will be like, you did that to hurt me, and I don't appreciate it. That wasn't nice, that wasn't kind. I do do it in love now. I used to do it in anger. I used to do it in pettiness. I used to do it in like malice, which that was not the person I wanted to be. But now I'm like, what you did wasn't kind. I want you to know that you have hurt my feelings.

00:34:02
Speaker 1: And how did they respond to that or do they.

00:34:03
Speaker 3: Just do the comment apologize? Begged me in the DMS, I'm so sorry. I was having a bad day. Oh yeah, so why would you take that out on me? That's not nice?

00:34:19
Speaker 1: And some of them just want attention.

00:34:22
Speaker 2: So I had a girl that did that, did this whole thing, and then when I blocked her, she was like she sent this long letter. She's like, oh my god. She was like I'm so sorry. She was like, I did that? Can you please unblock me? That was my mom's page and I had wrote it from her page and she really loves you.

00:34:38
Speaker 1: And it was like this whole thing and I was like.

00:34:43
Speaker 3: No, careful, Yeah, that wasn't was not kind. And that's that's the thing that I'm learning that some people are hurt and they want to take it out on whomever they see. I'm so happy. Yeah, I don't know if I've been happier. And I've already gone through the survivor's remorse of that. I dealt with that already. I've overcome that. I want to be able to be happy out loud. I want to be able to share my testimony where I was just talking in the car. We were talking, me and Scott and Fee again. We were talking like I was I'm not gonna cry. I am not gonna cry. I spent way too.

00:35:34
Speaker 1: Cry.

00:35:35
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna cry. And I've been working on that too. I've been working on my emotional regulation because I am. I am a cry baby and I want to master knowing when and when not to And that's that's the thing. And it's and I'm like, I want to cry if it's authentic me. But sometimes it's inappropriate, you know what I mean. Sometimes it's just inappropriate. You know right now, I can cry with you. I just don't want to run. I just don't want to run my makeup. I'm gonna be honest with you. But you know, I was talking in the car and we were talking about the struggles of an artist, and a lot of people there they're like, oh, yeah, you know, when you your transition, you had a job.

00:36:30
Speaker 1: A lot of people didn't. You had a job, a good job.

00:36:33
Speaker 3: A good job at a good company. I did not, yea. And that doesn't make my journey better or worse. But it's my journey. Yes, And people see me where I am now talk about it. They don't see the ten years that I was eating cheerios and trying to split a rotisserie at the Kroger, then at the wind Dixie with my roommates because we did not have food, or the five people that lived in a two bedroom apartment. They don't know that story. And you know what, it shouldn't matter. You shouldn't be mean to me because I've told you a sad song. You shouldn't be mean to me. I mean, you shouldn't be mean. You should be nice to me because I've told you my sad song. Yeah, And I used to what people when people would be mean to me, I would be like, you don't know what I've gone through. You don't know what my struggle. And I used to wear that as a badge of honor. You don't know what I've overcome and this and this and this, and I would lay all my trauma and I'm like, but I've overcome it. I'm not about to open my wound to justify my joy to you. M Yeah, you can choose to be nice to me, or you can choose and not be in my life. Because I'm gonna be nice to you regardless, regardless.

00:38:04
Speaker 1: You're gonna be happy regards I'm gonna be.

00:38:05
Speaker 3: Happy, yes, regardless. But I used to just lay my whole life on the table. Well what about I took the risk and I lived in LA and I was damn near homeless, and I was working three jobs and a waiter and a server, and people were disrespectful to me, and I got told Noah three thousand times, and I did a million auditions, and I just would just spew all of it out just so someone could be nice to me, right, just so you can feel like I can relate to you because you're where I was ten years ago. Yeah, and you can go you don't have to go through what I went through. Maybe if you would have been nice to me, I could put I.

00:38:54
Speaker 1: Could tell you how, yeah exactly.

00:38:57
Speaker 3: But you want to tear me down. Yeah, yeah, it's very interesting.

00:39:02
Speaker 1: It is.

00:39:03
Speaker 3: You know, I've changed a lot. I'm really proud of myself. I'm proud of you. Seriously, Yeah, I am so proud of you. I look at you and I'm like, man, you've seen it.

00:39:14
Speaker 2: I have, Oh, you have, y'all. It's been a great road, Yes, it really has.

00:39:21
Speaker 1: This is my girl.

00:39:22
Speaker 3: You had to be there.

00:39:26
Speaker 1: Be a great road.

00:39:28
Speaker 2: Speaking of the road, I want to go back to twenty nineteen when we started Sisters, and this show has just completely changed our lives.

00:39:36
Speaker 1: We are.

00:39:38
Speaker 2: Well, I'll just say we know season nine, we're in season nine and season nine seasons thinking back to then season one, we're all coming in like, woh, we got this show.

00:39:50
Speaker 1: This is amazing.

00:39:52
Speaker 2: Did you ever think he would be what it is today and the impact on the culture that it's had. No, you can't even imagine Crystal when we were in that room.

00:40:03
Speaker 3: Crystal, Crystal producer, Right, Crystal, big boss dog. You know what I'm saying. We ain't gonna downpload my girl, humble, but I'm not. We're not gonna downplay my good, big big bass dog. Okay, I'm a gasser up every time. Okay, we in the room. It's a theater sized room. I don't know how much I can say you can talk about it's a theater sized room. It's pictures on the board.

00:40:27
Speaker 1: Okay.

00:40:28
Speaker 3: And at that time I had already been cast as Andy, and de Val had already been cast as that and we were we were cast and Big Boss Dog was with other producers and they were trying to they were moving names around, names come back, you know, cheat over coach. Can you come back in for this role? Anthony Dalton, can you come in for this role? And it was just like such a magical moment. It was such a magical moment because they do something special over there where they they love you and they're gonna find something for you.

00:41:06
Speaker 1: Yes, they don't just throw you away, like if you don't think what you read for. It's like we're gonna find something. We're gonna find something social. They don't toss you away. They say, I'm gonna find something for you. May not be this, it's gonna be this. It's gonna be this movie.

00:41:18
Speaker 3: It's a show.

00:41:19
Speaker 2: Because some people tbly be like, wait, no, they need to be on this.

00:41:23
Speaker 1: This is actually so and so on this show.

00:41:24
Speaker 2: And I'm like the fact that he can even like see that while he's casting for a completely different show and still give you something.

00:41:32
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, I love him for that That day, the day my life changed, honestly, was that day. Yeah, that you and you were there and it was the most incredible day. But we had already known each other because that was twenty nineteen. Yeah, and we had known each other from twenty seven yeass because of me Medea's family funmal and that unbeknownst to you. I don't know if I told you that my dad had died.

00:41:56
Speaker 1: Yeah. I didn't find that until later.

00:41:58
Speaker 3: Oh right, Yeah, I was during that time and to be shooting a movie about a funeral, ma'am, after my father had passed away. My father had passed away in January. I think that book that film in February. Yes, we were shooting in March. Yeah, and I was breathing so hard and you were so kind. You were so kind because I was I was a walking zombie and I had no idea you and you didn't know you were You were so nice.

00:42:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's it, doesn't I feel like you should because you don't know what people are going through. You should always be kind, you know. And I think that's something I learned just growing up. My family always instilled that in me, so that moments like that if I was, if I didn't have those those foundations, it could have been a different story. She wasn't so kind, you know, and I was going through a really tough time and I came into my fitting and you were just like, all right, whatever, you know, you just never know. So I'm always I make a point to be kind to everyone.

00:42:54
Speaker 1: And you do too, though, like she's always just so pleasant.

00:42:57
Speaker 3: I love people, I really do. I love I rock with anybody. I rock with anybody. I don't care how much money you got. I don't care what kind of car you drive, because I've been every everything on the totem pole, from dirt broke to middle class to all that. And I'm also a confident person. So it's like I rock with everybody. I don't need to you know, I don't need to dim your light. I got my own. I enjoyed mine too, you know what I'm saying. It was all shy, right, you know, that's that's my spirit. So and then, especially in our industry, having worked so many of the job you this is what we have in common. Haven't been a PA, haven't been a background artist, haven't been those things. You know, the importance of being kind to somebody. You know, the importance of making somebody's day. They just want a picture. Come on, what you want to call.

00:43:58
Speaker 1: You mama to tell somebody to call her.

00:44:01
Speaker 3: On the phone.

00:44:02
Speaker 1: Yes, and we're gonna have like my mama loved collar. They'd be like, for real, I'm like color, get a picture.

00:44:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, right now that we rock with people, and I think that, you know, for that reason alone, we don't take this opportunity for granted.

00:44:23
Speaker 1: Absolutely not.

00:44:24
Speaker 3: And I think people can feel that. Yeah, And I'm never gonna change that. I'm never gon now even as the press as I ever was, I've never been mean or felt like I had to shun or be rude to anybody I've worked with, or anybody who's a supporter of the show, I like to say, or a fan of the show, because I'm so grateful you why, yes.

00:44:50
Speaker 1: You those people are welcoming, welcoming us into their homes.

00:44:55
Speaker 2: That's a very safe space. The fact they're like, this is the show want to watch on Wednesday nights. You know, like that's a privilege.

00:45:01
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, and you know, not to give anybody too much credit, but they're a part of my journey now, you know why, Because we allow we allow the space for people to get involved in our personal life. I share my pregnancy, I share my marriage, I share. So now these people are you know who support the show? Now support? Yes, you're like you and who you are, who I am, and I love that.

00:45:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.

00:45:34
Speaker 3: And at anytime that we get a chance to reciprocate that to them, I want to do it.

00:45:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you do it so well. I like when I see sometimes tired.

00:45:44
Speaker 2: And k just like and I'm like my feet hurt, I'm tired.

00:45:52
Speaker 1: You have so much energy. I'm like you. I love it. I love it.

00:45:57
Speaker 2: Speaking of your personal life, you and Scott met when he was on Sisters and then he got his own show, All the Queen's Men.

00:46:07
Speaker 1: That us about that because kJ and I was.

00:46:09
Speaker 2: Living together in the bubble during COVID when I feel like this, that's where your buddy right, And I had no idea.

00:46:17
Speaker 1: This girl knows how to hold some water.

00:46:21
Speaker 3: You know, I'm an keeper up secrets. Yeah, I we were in the bubble. Was that our second year in the bubble?

00:46:34
Speaker 1: I think so that was that was our second year.

00:46:36
Speaker 3: It was the second year in the bubble, and of course you and me, we had all the scenes together. So we spent all of our time being roommates studying, and.

00:46:44
Speaker 2: I can't just stay with anybody. Hello, Okay, I'm really about my space. And that's no shade to nobody. I love everybody, but living not somebody.

00:46:52
Speaker 1: Me and kJ It's like it's an energy thing. It's an energy thing. I was like, you were saying together, right, You're like.

00:46:59
Speaker 3: Perfect and it was great. Yes, but yes, Sky, we were trying to keep it a secret, but he would do things like, you know, walk me to the door or you know, when we first land, he grabbed my luggage and try to help me because we started dating just before we went into the second boat. Yes, I met him in the first boat, right, And so we we didn't even really I don't want to say if you didn't connect, because we connected on a spiritual level. And what I mean by that is we didn't even get an opportunity to sit down alone, uninterrupted and have a full conversation. Wow, because in season two, we were just getting back from COVID. We were just coming back to shoot during COVID, and he and I would just be in the same space, yeah, like in the gym, in the gym, running absolutely, or at the taco truck, at the taco truck and he just yeah, and he's he's tall, so it's like it's just like this looming figure. I turn around like, bro, hey, hey, what's up? Mind you? We're all wearing a mask. So all I'm saying is this man's face here right Like I'm not even I'm just saying because the mask is here. So it was energy. His energy was just like and I was like, oh, tall, hi, sir from Miami. I'm from Tallahassee. I'm a floater around myself. Yeah, we really just started to connect and you know, he'll he'll start to ask me like, hey, you know where you're from, what you're doing and things like that. And then you know how it is at work, even even if you're on lunch, there's someone interrupting you because they're like, hey, we need you hair and makeup, can you run lines? Or hey we need to do you a wardrobe fitting?

00:49:16
Speaker 1: Yes, always something yes.

00:49:18
Speaker 3: So that's what kept happening in season two. We kept which, which which I needed because honestly, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for anything. And I remember that, Yeah, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for that, so season two. That's what happened. In season three while we were remates. Yes, uh he he, you know, he made a move a couple of weeks before we went back to shooting, and I'm an all Land type of girl. I was like, oh, I like him and I want him, and he was like, I like you and I want you. And we were just like h And then we were kind of connected at the hip from then on, and but we were trying to hide it because we just didn't want any We didn't want any and you know, we I had shared my relationship with you before. Yeah, I had shared all of my relationships and I even shared that one. You must have forgot because I did tell you almost like I like a guy and you and I kind of told you.

00:50:10
Speaker 2: You told me that the picnic and everything something about it before y'all came.

00:50:14
Speaker 1: You tell me about that, but I don't think you told me.

00:50:15
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't think I told you.

00:50:17
Speaker 2: And then I remember one night because I think those houses are hunted, and I heard, I swear I heard some like footsteps and like some dance, you know, like that in the house, in the house, and I was like, I was too scared to okay, I.

00:50:33
Speaker 1: Was I was a ghost.

00:50:36
Speaker 3: No, no, no, that was the ghost. It was the guy. I was too scared. He was too scared to of fired too. Actually he was scarier than me because he was staying.

00:50:43
Speaker 1: On the lot riding that bike.

00:50:46
Speaker 3: Like my now husband was like, I'm gonna drop you off at the port. He was like, bye, I'm scared. He was like, you your job is secure money, I'm honestly smart man. He was like, no, you can. You can sit on the on the porch with us. Yeah, yeah, yes, And he did that. And so we ended up spending like every evening, you know, eating dinner and just trying to like kind of get away from everybody. And then I'll be like, okay, I mean it's not much time you can spend because all we do is study.

00:51:23
Speaker 1: That's so yeah, that's it.

00:51:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it was it was the catalyst to the rest of my life.

00:51:28
Speaker 2: And so yeah, and at what point did you know, like this is my husband right away?

00:51:33
Speaker 1: Really? Yeah?

00:51:34
Speaker 3: Girl? I mean our first date, I was like, so, are you, like you available for the rest of your life because your mind saying like it just it just felt right, It felt right, and you know what I've gone through and past relationships, and it didn't feel like that. It didn't feel like that was like I said, I was trying to control everything. Those those moments and those relationships were sometimes relationships that I had manipulated into my mind thinking were great, and I'm like, oh, but he has these qualities and it's a whole host of other a scroll of terrible qualities.

00:52:13
Speaker 1: Ay j listen, Yes, we were just talking about this.

00:52:18
Speaker 2: I was doing an episode called Daty in my Forties, a part two for it, and we were talking about how you can have that these things that you okay this person, You get to age where it's like I really want to be with somebody, and these are things non negotiables, my non negotiables and my boundaries within you started to let certain things slide absolutely, you know, and you're blinded by like, wait, these are things that you said were non negotiables.

00:52:39
Speaker 1: Absolutely, but these are showing up.

00:52:42
Speaker 2: You know.

00:52:43
Speaker 1: That's so true. That's true.

00:52:44
Speaker 3: Yeah. I was supposed to be married with children by thirty five.

00:52:48
Speaker 1: Me too, That's what I thought.

00:52:51
Speaker 3: And so I would squeeze these these people into my perfect picture that I had created in my mind and you know things will go left. And I'm listen, I'm gonna write a die. You know what I'm saying. I'm a loyal ship.

00:53:06
Speaker 1: You are everybody that you love lit literally, I love you.

00:53:10
Speaker 3: We locked in and I'm gonna fight for you. Yes, I am going to I am not. I'm gonna I'm not gonna play about you.

00:53:19
Speaker 2: About you and I don't Yes, I do.

00:53:25
Speaker 1: Literally, I don't want to hear.

00:53:29
Speaker 3: That, Christian, I ain't gonna do it on the podcast, y'all make the listen. You're sweeties.

00:53:37
Speaker 1: They love you, but there Yeah.

00:53:42
Speaker 3: It's to be high. Number two.

00:53:44
Speaker 1: They don't plays.

00:53:48
Speaker 2: Every time we try to explain to like a partner that we're trying to build with, like, they're like, you don't understand, you don't understand.

00:53:56
Speaker 3: Where you want to be. You need to be a keep a possible seeing whatever and is listen sponsorships, brand dollars, she has the behive. Number two. Okay, they do not play and I love them. I love them, Oh my gosh. They see what I see. They see what I've always seen, you know what I mean? And I love that.

00:54:19
Speaker 5: Yeah.

00:54:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, they ride for you. You you do.

00:54:23
Speaker 1: You ride right? I love that.

00:54:26
Speaker 2: In closing, we are talking about over She's like playing with me.

00:54:32
Speaker 1: I mean we can keep going.

00:54:34
Speaker 2: War's like I just got warmed up over here.

00:54:39
Speaker 1: So she got that cup r watter exactly. In closing, I do want to ask you.

00:54:48
Speaker 2: Our word for this season is impact, and kJ you are big and mentorship, you're big, important into people. What is the impact that you really want to leave it that your intentional about leaving on this next generation?

00:55:01
Speaker 3: You know, Crystal, if I'm gonna be one hundred percent honest with you, I can give you some fluff pr answer.

00:55:06
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:55:06
Speaker 3: I can be like, oh, I want to change lives of young women in America and across the nation. I am asking God that question right now. That's good and I'm going to wait for the answer. Yeah, and then when I get the answer, I can tell you, yeah.

00:55:23
Speaker 1: I love it. And that's what I did. That's where the word impact came from.

00:55:27
Speaker 2: I said, God, how do you want me to continue to use this platform? And I said, I'm inspiring people every week? But like what are we doing? Like how is this leaving a lasting impression on people? And he said impact? Yes, find ways to be more impactful. So like that's the word I kind of leave with and like to ask people. And I love that because he will give you that answer.

00:55:47
Speaker 3: And I'm going to wait on it. I'm not going to create my own there you go answer. I'm going to wait on it.

00:55:53
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:55:54
Speaker 3: I'm glad you asked me that because that's been in alignment with my spirit.

00:55:57
Speaker 1: Yeah. Good, because.

00:56:00
Speaker 3: Gird it's bigger, so much bigger, and I and I and I'm excited to see what happens. But I've been in my way for so long. Yeah, and I just I just want to move out the way and let God.

00:56:18
Speaker 1: God said, I know that feeling. He felt that, you know what I'm saying.

00:56:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just I want to let God do what God does because I'm tired of getting getting involved moving things around, and then I'm feeling.

00:56:33
Speaker 1: Like I got to start all over right, clean up my mask.

00:56:36
Speaker 2: Seem like now, if you don't sit down somewhere, yeah, let me orchestrate this.

00:56:41
Speaker 3: I've been getting lately, sit down sternly with the like this, like a mama like that, like not friendly, like to sit down, have a seat, No show.

00:56:55
Speaker 1: He's done that too long, he's done that. Sit down Yeah yeah, yeah, it was the tap.

00:57:02
Speaker 3: Hey, Hey, it's okay, Okay. Then it was a little shoved, like just one of them an earpool.

00:57:11
Speaker 1: Right, that's what God.

00:57:12
Speaker 3: That's where God is with me right now.

00:57:13
Speaker 5: I love it.

00:57:14
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that.

00:57:15
Speaker 3: I'm gonna sit down. Yes, I'm gonna listen to the voice of God, and I'm gonna get a better understanding of what my grand of purpose on this journey. Yeah, and then I can answer that question.

00:57:26
Speaker 1: So I cannot wait to hear what God gives you.

00:57:28
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see him continue to just elevate your life. I know it is bigger and I can't wait to see what you do. I love you, kJ And before we get out of here, we have a little keep it positive sweetie for our little sweetie.

00:57:45
Speaker 1: Oh my, I love you. Yes, you are.

00:57:54
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna cry.

00:57:58
Speaker 1: Oh oh my goodness. Yes, she's the first baby to get it. They've been asking for like merch and I was.

00:58:08
Speaker 3: Like, em, this is beautiful.

00:58:11
Speaker 1: Thank you. You are so welcome. I love you. I love you too. Thank you for even coming and taking I know you got all dolled up for me. Oh yes, I appreciate it.

00:58:21
Speaker 3: Yes, I was like, we're going on a show today. You're a baby, sweetie.

00:58:26
Speaker 1: You are a baby sweetie. Yes, I know that's right. Thank you well.

00:58:33
Speaker 2: Help me up. On today's crystals closet, I am wearing a pinstripe and flannel set by Soroya.

00:58:46
Speaker 1: I absolutely love this set. It's so comfortable. It's giving like business up top and comfy on the bottom.

00:58:52
Speaker 2: My shoes are a silver alligator skin or actually think this is a snake skin. My shoes are our silver snake skin by Lo Wave. These shoes are so comfortable as well my favorite new shoes.

00:59:07
Speaker 1: I'm just loving this outfit. Sweeties.

00:59:15
Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed hearing today's conversation just as much as I enjoyed having it.

00:59:20
Speaker 1: Before I let you.

00:59:21
Speaker 2: Go, I want to leave you with this quote. The only limit to your impact is your imagination and your commitment. Until next time, keep it positive, sweeties. See you on the next episode.