397 | If Children Aren't Cognitive, Why Do Some Want to Sit and Talk?

Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy

In this episode, I answer a thoughtful question about how child-centered play therapy works if children are not yet capable of abstract reasoning. I explain the important distinction between children being able to memorize and learn information versus having the cognitive ability for true introspection, logic, and abstract thought. Drawing from Piaget's developmental framework, I discuss why children under approximately age 12–13 are primarily experiential and emotional learners, not cognitive processors in the way adults are. This is exactly why CCPT is so developmentally appropriate—it meets children where they are, rather than expecting them to function like miniature adults.

I also explore why some older children, especially ages 9–11, may appear reflective or want to sit and talk during sessions. While preteens begin developing more self-awareness and verbal sophistication, their primary mode of growth is still emotional and experiential. In CCPT, children heal not because they intellectually analyze themselves, but because they experience unconditional acceptance, emotional attunement, and relationship in a way that changes how they feel about themselves and others. This episode dives into the deeper "why" behind the model and reinforces why trusting development is essential to effective play therapy.

Join me for our LIVE 400th Episode! Register by clicking the following link to join me LIVE on a Zoom call on May 28, 2026 12:00 PM EST. (please note the time zone) www.playtherapypodcast.com/400

PlayTherapyNow.com is my HUB for everything I do! playtherapynow.com. Sign up for my email newsletter, stay ahead with the latest CCPT CEU courses, personalized coaching opportunities and other opportunities you need to thrive in your CCPT practice. If you click one link in these show notes, this is the one to click!

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If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.

Ask Me Questions: Call ‪(813) 812-5525‬, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast

Common References: Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley. VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press. Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315537948 Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

2026-05-14 13 min Transcript

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Transcript

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast

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where you get a master class in child-centered play therapy and practical

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support and application for your work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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I am answering a question from Benjamin in Ontario,

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Canada.

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Hello,

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Canadians,

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our neighbors to the north.

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Thank you for listening and Benjamin,

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thank you for the email.

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This is about children not having abstract reasoning and not being cognitive,

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but the question about how CCPT works in the midst of that,

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really interesting question,

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kind of deep and philosophical,

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which I love those types of questions.

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So,

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Benjamin,

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I appreciate you.

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I we'll dive into this and then we'll

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talk about it.

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I'm a registered psychotherapist here in Ontario,

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Canada.

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I work approximately 50% with adults and 50% with children,

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where I am embracing the CCPT model fully.

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I do have some initial training specifically in CCPT.

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I discovered your podcast a few months ago,

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and I've been slowly but consistently diving in.

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I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart

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for uploading this content and sharing your passions for this.

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You're so welcome.

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I'm so glad.

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It's truly a beautiful work and I've seen results

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in my 2.5 years of practicing so far.

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Here's my question.

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You frequently note that children before age 13 are not rational or logical,

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and therefore,

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certain alternatives such as CBT aren't developmentally appropriate.

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Is it more of a gradual shift in cognitive processing across childhood?

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I do have some 9 to 11 year old child clients that want to sit and talk

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and seem to display inklings of self-reflectiveness.

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This leads me to sometimes be confused on this point.

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All right.

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And actually,

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there was an additional question.

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I think I just skipped over it when as I was reading it.

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Are you able to direct me to studies that explore this age dynamic?

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So,

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the easiest answer to that question

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is you need to look at Piaget.

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Piaget, before we really understood CCPT

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as a model

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was

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very clearly delineating

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the stages of development.

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And the cognitive processing that takes place at each stage.

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So,

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Piaget is going to be your starting point for

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your ability to distinguish when children actually have

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abstract reasoning.

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You can actually also just search

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when does abstract reasoning develop,

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and you'll find all kinds of studies.

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It's typically 12 or 13

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are the ages that are almost always

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referenced in studies.

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So,

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now,

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let's dive into

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your

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additional question.

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I have some 9 to 11 year old clients that want to sit and talk

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and seem to display inklings of self-reflectiveness.

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Is it a gradual shift in cognitive processing across childhood?

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All right,

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so I think it's important to start.

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With the idea that one of the

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common parent questions that we get,

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similar to the question you're asking,

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Benjamin,

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often dads,

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not always,

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but often dads,

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And very concrete black and white logical thinking parents

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will say,

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well,

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children go to school and they learn.

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And that's cognitive

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children memorize things for tests,

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that's cognitive.

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children can recite poems,

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that's cognitive.

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children learn to add and subtract and spell,

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and

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so on and so forth.

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So,

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they reference academic learning.

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And that seems to contradict the notion that kids aren't logical,

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rational,

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and don't have abstract reasoning.

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So,

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similarly to your question,

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Benjamin,

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I think it's very important for us to recognize

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that

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the ability

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to

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memorize,

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rehearse,

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practice,

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and acquire information.

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100% exists from

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infancy.

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There,

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there is an observed learning.

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There's

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modeled learning,

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there's experienced learning.

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So if a child goes to school

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and sings the ABC's

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every morning in kindergarten or VPK or whenever kids are first in school,

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used to be kindergarten was the beginning of it.

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Now it's like 2 and 3 years old,

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which that's another conversation for another day.

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But

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if they go and they sing the ABCs every single day,

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if they sing the

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months of the year,

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if they sing the days of the week,

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if they

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Say the Pledge of Allegiance over and over again.

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If they count their numbers again and again,

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if they rehearse multiplication facts,

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1 times 3 is 3, 2 times 3 is 6.

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If they do that over and over again,

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will they

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remember that stuff?

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Absolutely.

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But it's not a cognitive process per se.

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And so what we're trying to distinguish and differentiate here.

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A child is an experiencer.

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They live in their emotions.

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They live in the here and now.

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Fascinatingly,

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one of the most consistent strategies for teaching to very young children

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is in song.

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Why do we think that is?

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Because songs evoke emotions.

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And songs can put,

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test this theory.

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Listen to a song that you haven't listened to in 25 years.

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Some of you may not even be old enough to do that.

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You were like

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infants then.

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But,

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you know,

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go back in time,

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a long time from now.

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Pull up a song you haven't thought about or heard of or,

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you know,

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even had any recollection of in years.

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Listen to it

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and it will take you right back to where you were when you used to listen to that song.

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You will remember what you were doing,

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you remember how old you are.

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You will remember what was going on in the world and in your life.

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Why?

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Because songs are emotionally driven.

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They connect to us at an experiential,

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emotional level.

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OK.

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So this actually very much supports

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the notion that children are experiential emotional

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learners.

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So now let's fast forward to CCPT.

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Around 12 or 13,

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kids do develop abstract reasoning,

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which allows them

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to experience and feel,

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but then also think.

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Up to that point,

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developmentally,

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they're going to just experience and feel.

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So,

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how does CCPT work?

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It is an experienced

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learning.

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Here's what happens.

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They come into the playroom.

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They test boundaries.

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They test relationship,

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they test limits,

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whatever the scenario is.

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And because of our interaction,

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because of our unconditional acceptance,

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because of our verbal engagement following the model.

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Because

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of the environment and the relationship being so unique as the conditions

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under which children can become better versions of themselves,

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you swirl all that together in a mix,

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and what happens?

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A child

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fights,

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bucks,

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tests,

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pushes,

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and then goes,

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I don't like this.

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That's not a cognitive thought,

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y'all.

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Please take some time to digest that for a sec.

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The child is not thinking,

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I should not do this.

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I'm going to do something else.

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They're going,

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I don't like how this feels.

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This actually makes me feel really bad.

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I know that I'm bothering

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this person that I come and play with and that I actually care about,

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and this doesn't feel good to me.

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This doesn't feel right to me.

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So,

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what do they do?

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They change their behavior.

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It's not a cognitive decision,

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it's an emotional decision.

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I'm going to avoid this feeling by behaving in a different way.

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So,

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likewise,

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to all of the other components of CCPT,

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they come in and they experience it.

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They experience what it feels like to have their feelings reflected to them.

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And then they feel their feelings somatically.

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They feel their feelings emotionally.

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Then the therapist says,

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you're proud.

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And they go,

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oh,

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I feel proud right now.

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They have the word to connect to their experience and their emotion.

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So,

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what we're trying to

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really make sense of in this process

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is that everything that a child learns

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as part of the play therapy process,

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it is still felt and experienced learning.

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And that is very different

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than cognitive intellectual learning,

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which that comes into play further down the road for them.

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Now,

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Benjamin,

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back to your second part of your question,

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9 to 11 year olds that want to sit and talk.

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Well,

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there's lots of reasons why a 9,

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10, 11 year old want to come in and talk.

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Is it avoidant?

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Is it safe?

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Is it anxiety-driven?

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Is it resistant?

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Is it because it's an initiation

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and

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I have to build a relationship with you first?

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Is it because

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they're parentified?

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Is it because they are people pleasing and perfectionistic?

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All kinds of reasons a 9,

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10, 11 year old are going to come in and talk.

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Developmentally,

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that will not last long.

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As they become more comfortable,

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as they build trust,

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as they build rapport,

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as they

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start to face the things they need to face.

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9,

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10,

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and 11 year olds play.

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Now,

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there are more emotionally,

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psychologically,

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mentally,

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verbally mature kids.

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So you might have an 11 year old that presents more like a fourteen-year-old.

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Some of that could be maladaptive.

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Some of it could be they're just a firstborn

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and they're mature and they're responsible

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and they're parentified a little bit,

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and so they feel comfortable

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dialoguing.

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So then you will typically in that case,

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see a play talk hybrid.

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They're still going to play eventually,

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but they'll talk and play.

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So,

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the 9,

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00:10:19,609 --> 00:10:21,369
10, 11 year olds that come in and talk,

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that is usually means to an end.

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00:10:24,150 --> 00:10:25,429
That's not because

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00:10:25,770 --> 00:10:29,150
they're so advanced intellectually and cognitively

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00:10:29,450 --> 00:10:29,880
that

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00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,039
they feel compelled to do that.

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00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:35,510
There's usually a reason why they're doing it in the first place.

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00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:36,669
And

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00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:39,369
do they possibly have some self-reflection?

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Sure.

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Preteens start to be more cognitive.

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So yes,

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00:10:45,059 --> 00:10:45,419
of course,

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00:10:45,619 --> 00:10:46,400
developmentally,

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00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,099
an 11 year old's going to have way

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00:10:48,099 --> 00:10:50,679
more introspection and self-reflection than a 6-year-old.

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00:10:51,630 --> 00:10:53,599
But are they at full abstract reasoning yet?

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Probably not.

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00:10:55,919 --> 00:10:59,780
So there's very much a gradual shift that takes place

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because there are developmental surges.

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The brain develops

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in predictable spurts.

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So,

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all along through the process of childhood,

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00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:11,429
there'll be

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00:11:12,049 --> 00:11:13,849
a brain development surge.

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00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:17,260
And then they're going to respond and act and think differently.

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00:11:17,419 --> 00:11:17,820
However,

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we know

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00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:20,119
12 to 13

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is the age when abstract reasoning

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00:11:23,340 --> 00:11:24,599
statistically

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00:11:24,979 --> 00:11:25,679
appears.

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00:11:26,099 --> 00:11:27,640
So until that age,

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00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,580
they are still not cognitive beings.

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They're experiential and emotional beings.

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And that's why CCPT is so well suited,

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00:11:35,330 --> 00:11:36,840
because it meets them where they are.

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It understands developmentally what they need from us.

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And then we're able to meet them

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00:11:43,799 --> 00:11:45,799
instead of asking them to come up and meet us.

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So,

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00:11:46,859 --> 00:11:47,250
Benjamin,

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00:11:47,299 --> 00:11:48,299
thank you so much for the question.

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00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:49,580
I hope that that was helpful to you.

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00:11:49,659 --> 00:11:50,619
I hope that it was helpful,

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00:11:50,739 --> 00:11:51,809
helpful to all of you.

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00:11:52,099 --> 00:11:54,989
We are always trying to understand.

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The deeper why

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00:11:57,549 --> 00:11:58,570
behind this model,

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00:11:58,950 --> 00:12:01,030
and this is one of those examples.

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I'm glad we were able to talk about it.

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00:12:03,309 --> 00:12:05,530
We have this very unique

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00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:06,770
scenario

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00:12:06,909 --> 00:12:07,770
where we

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00:12:08,229 --> 00:12:09,609
recognize and honor

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00:12:10,109 --> 00:12:11,530
and honestly respect

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00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,530
children's developmental levels.

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00:12:14,270 --> 00:12:18,669
And that gives us the ability to experience and feel with them.

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00:12:19,580 --> 00:12:23,049
And then as they mature and as they get older,

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00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,500
they start to integrate some of those

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00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:28,820
other more cognitive and intellectual components in.

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00:12:29,919 --> 00:12:31,280
If you would like to reach out to me,

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I'd love to hear from you,

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00:12:32,289 --> 00:12:34,099
Brenna at the kidcounselor.com.

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And I hope y'all have a great week.

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We'll talk again soon.

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Love y'all.

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Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources,

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please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.

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