Challenging Times. Ep 42

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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of four, an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. I'm a mother of three, practicing position and blogger. On the side, we are two working parents who love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals. We want you to get the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. This is episode forty two. We're going to be talking about getting through challenging times. We've all had those crazy busy stretches or difficult stretches, and we want to talk about how we can cope, what we can learn from them, what we can do differently make life doable. And this was sort of triggered because we were originally planning on doing this episode on planning makeovers, and Sarah is in the process of doing planning makeovers and hopefully eventually making a longer project about her approach to planning. And I know I cannot wait to read that when she does it. But in the meantime, have we mentioned that she's working at a very difficult job. She is a five month old baby, So why don't you talk about that, Sarah. Yeah, so it's funny you mentioned the planning makeovers. I did do four planning makeovers. I did like thirty minute sessions via Skype with some people I selected, and we'll talk more about in the future. But really that project has had to hit the back burner, as things do sometimes, because life has been a little full lately and it's been challenging. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. There have been many frantic texts sent to my husband like oh my god, I can't do this, and you know I can do this, and there have been things that worked and things that haven't. But I figured that might be a more appropriate thing to talk about right now, since I'm really going in the thick of it. Yeah, yeah, I mean we always start with a lighter, banter opener. I guess we're going to get to that in a minute. I was like, already diving right in. You were diving right in. The school year is also winding down, yes, which is good. Maybe that will help with some of those challenging times because did you ever notice at the end of the year seems to come with like fifty different costumes you have to purchase and things that you have to add, And yeah, it's kind of nuts because you guys have what you have, like the ballet. Yeah, well we just finished our last ballet performance, maybe ever, so that was exciting. We have a gymnastic show coming up, Yeah maybe ever Genevieve will want to do it and then see, you'll be right back in so you're probably right. And you know what, we already have a uniforms and bags, so there you go. That'll be a little easier. No, so we'd had the ballet show, we have a drama show, we have gymnastics show. It definitely. You know, people always talk about how bigger kids, bigger problems, et cetera. And I laugh at that, but it is true. Bigger kids, more scheduled events. That is true. That is true. So I don't. Oh, the school year's kind of come into a head and I've started to think about things I would like to do differently for the next school year. I've already come up with a few things, like I think that next year I want to schedule a family trip for spring break, because this year that kind of came around and it was like, oh, and the truth is, I actually didn't. You had a three month old at that time. I had a three month old and I had no paid leave left, so actually, yeah, exactly. It wasn't like I forgot exactly, but I was also sort of sad, like it felt a little anti climactic for Annabelle, especially all of her classmates seem to be headed on these fun adventures and I was just, you know, going to work. And I did send her to like a day art camp for a couple of days, but nothing elaborate. So this year, I want to really plan ahead and we're thinking about some options. And then the other thing, well two things. I do not want to have so many kid activities on the weekend, which is one reason I really thrilled the ballet is over because it was every Saturday at ten thirty. But it's really hard to park there, so basically it ate up the entire morning from creating her bun frantically finding a parking space in South Beach to taking there, to waiting with one or both kids, to finishing to sometimes going to lunch. It literally like Saturday morning was gone, which sometimes that's a good thing, but it was a little much, so less stuff on the weekends. And then finally, if everyone remembers, I lamented about the lack of a school supply box last year, Well, this year I ordered the school supply box. Already got mad checked out of anything for first grade I've done. I ordered it in one click. I don't care if it costs like ten to twenty percent more or whatever. It probably doesn't. Honestly, it's a watch. So I'm thrilled it would take you that much time to track all that stuff. Yeah, exactly, I'm sure it's actually cheaper from that perspective, exactly. So what about you, anything you want to do differently for next year? Well, we know that stuff is gonna be a lot different next year from a sheer logistical perspective, in that I will have a child in middle school next year, which is kind of nutty. Oh my goodness, yeah, it is kind Yeah, so he's just talk to eleven. He's starting sixth grade next year. But this year we had three kids in one school, in elementary school, you know, in kindergarten, second grade, and fifth grade. Next year we will have four children in three different schools. So going from going school to three schools is in and of itself an event. Because my youngest is starting preschool next year. I actually held him out for like a year longer than I really needed to because of you know the reality of not, yeah, the logistics, not wanting to have another school with all the you know, conferences and events and all that stuff. So but that has to end at some point. So three schools next year. The middle school will obviously have different hours than the elementary school, so we'll have to sort that out, you know, I would like to. I think the activities thing has been challenging this year and it's just going to be worse because the kids have stuff they love to do. I mean that's just you know, kids, and it seems like the older kids get the time commitment for each activity tends to go up. I mean, of course there's some control over that, like you can decide whether to do this super intense travel team or not, but to some extent, some things do go from like one practice a week to two and that's just yeah. So I mean, well, we'll have to think about that. I know, there may need to be extra driving help. And because I don't think that I will be able to do it all or that our nanny will be able to do it all. And if I'm not here, then you know, we need another person. And even when I am here sometimes the fact that I can't schedule anything between like four and six thirty at night kind of limits my my calendar a bit. So you know, So there's that we're thinking through the trip stuff too. We had we had a really cool spring break trip, so that was good. But I think we have a couple of sort of winter options of long weekends that when you're in this part of the country, getting away from this part of the country is an awesome thing to do during that time of year. So we're actually looking at doing a Disney trip in February since we have like a four and a half day President's Day weekend. Right, I will say we went that particular weekend on Cameron's birthday in twenty seventeen. It is a crowded weekend. Throwing that out right out there. Okay, well, actually, to be honest, all the parks are fine, except Magic Kingdom was like a zoos So maybe if you strategical there that day. So we'll go on this Thursday Friday, which we will have that other people don't have. I mean people have Monday, Yes, people don't have Thursday and Friday. So that's my we're gonna go, I think to the Magic Kingdom on that and then but that's all getting started out with the travel agent because I don't want to do it. That is a great time Weatherwi it's to go. Oh my goodness, yeah exactly. So you know, I don't know, I think I've there's been a lot of stuff with figuring out in terms of the sixth grade transition. Maybe we'll have to talk more about this later, but yeah, I think we need like a tween episode. We did wind up getting him the phone now has a phone to talk about all that. Uh So no, that's its own separate episode probably the uh but just I mean, I remember middle school as being tough on many dimensions, and I had not a great middle school experience for my seventh and eighth grade years. In particular, sixth grade was great, but I went to a different school. We moved for seventh and night. It's hard to tease out like what was because we moved and what was just that it was a crappy school, like I mean I hated middle school too. I hated you know, like what can you I don't know, But my son's middle school. I mean, we've heard mixed things about it, but we have we have done some serious put He's now in several programs that I'm more excited about. So we we really like worked on the maths. So he's now on the accelerated math program, so that's good. He's doing this like art program that is actually a multidisciplinary program that's multiple periods per day, so he's with the same lands for like four of the periods per day and with two teachers who are really like excited about the program. So you know, it's like that took an application too. So yeah, but I have a theory that it's actually cool to be nerdier now than it was when we were kids, So our kids might do better, that's true, well in general than I am as well, So who knows. But yeah, I am just hoping he has a good experience. I'm I have other kids I'm less concerned about with that sort of thing. This My oldest is a bit more sensitive, So I'm really happy that all that stuff came out. So yeah, oh my goodness, well to the extent that you were able to share. And it's true as your kids become older, the less it feels cool to, you know, detail, going to detail about them. But I'm sure people will be interested on how it's going, at least on a general level. Of course. Well I'll go to that kids in different different ends of the spectr. Yeah, we need a tween episode and then and now we should talk about life. Life. No really, I mean, okay, I will step back and just say the last two months have been really, really challenging, and I was analyzing that this morning, and I think there's been kind of a number of factors and many of which are going to get better. So when I put it onto paper, it made me realize that this really is a phase and certain things are going to improve, and certain things I probably need to take more charge over, or maybe I've already done that in the last couple of weeks. So Genevieve is five months and a few days old, and she is so cute. She's a big little chunker with big cheeks, and she's super smiling and she's rolling. She still is not one of those magical sleepers that you hear about those mythical babies. I actually have a friend who we text all the time, and her baby is almost too much. It's younger than Genevieve, and her baby is always doing like you know, going to bed at seven and then eating once and then waking up at like eight am. And I'm like, I was like, this friend was sent just to torment you. I think I think she might have and I love her, but oh my god. So you know, Genevieve a good night like last night was awesome, which means I put her about at like seven seven fifteen or so. She woke up at ten thirty. I gave her the passy and she slept until one thirty, and I was like, oh my, like that's amazing for her. She woke up at five thirty, she ate at one thirty, she ate at five thirty, and then she was up at six forty five. Like that was a fantastic night. So if that gives you a baseline, so it's you know, it's tiring. I'm still doing the pumping thing. I've oddly not stressed about it as much. And I'd love to say, oh that's because I came to some zen acceptance place, but it's actually just because it's going better. I guess she's eating a little bit more. It seems like I'm keeping up. She seems happy, so that has not taken up as much mental space, just because you know, when it works, okay, I don't have to think about it that much, So I'm just I'm trying not to think about it. I'm sort of like every day, one day at a time, pumping at it. Right, so you're only pumping at work? Oh yes, I quit pumping at five am. Oh my god, that was huge. So I just pump at work and then sometimes I pump at nine pm because I realized I don't actually find that so horrible. And she usually reliably sleeps until midnight or so now, so for me to like strap that thing on and watch a show and eat gelato at the same time is not like the worst thing in the world. So pumping, yeah, because trying to keep up your freezer supply so well, not even just a freezer, but like if she eats like eleven or twelve ounces during the day and I come home from work with nine and a half, and I know those sound really low, but honestly, I think she just makes up for tonight then I can, you know, get up to eleven or twelve and have enough for the next day and not even have to worry about the freezer or worry that I'm gradually falling behind just by doing that extra couple of ounces. And because I don't find that nearly as unpleasant as getting up at five am, it's been a good compromise. Now I don't get the yield that I would get at five am, but like I don't care. I'm over it. Yeah whatever, So I guess I have reached a little bit more of an acceptance place, but it's hard to know if that's just because it's it's working out okay, So that's still challenging, and fitting that in at work is hard, and work has gotten really ramped up, and that's I think for three reasons. Number one, there's a backlog, Like there's all these patients that kind of like stretched out their appointment because they didn't want to see my NP, which is okay, it's not because they didn't want to see me NP. They just want to see me because they know me and it's easier. But then they're kind of there and they've got like all the stuff. So the appointments take longer, but I have less time for them because I want And so it's just work is very busy. Our residency starts in a month, like our residents are actually going to be here in five weeks, so there's just so much more to do for that and less time to do it. So it's those two things plus the pumping at work kind of taking away hours, so that means I just end up with more that overflows onto the weekends, et cetera. And that's just been how do you build in the pumping to the day, So will you schedule what I scheduled my patients around my pumping, So I put the same number of patients, which is honestly a mistake. I should have just said to my manager, Listen, can I be slight slacker over the next you know, five months or something, and can you just forgive me and handle it? And it probably would have been fine, but I didn't. I was sort of like, I'm going to see just as many or more patients with my pumping schedule, so I kind of regret that visit, but I me, yeah, isn't that interesting? So I just kind of see like one or three patients and then I pump, and I see like four more and then I pump, So I kind of just build it in. But the thing is that was time I used to spend doing the notes, and now half the time I can't get the notes done. So then I end up with like, right now I have like ten notes I have to do on my day off, or I'll have to do it on the weekend. So just kind of like builds like that's been a big pressure, and that's one reason that eventually losing the pumping will make things easier. Yeah, do you have a target for that or I can't. I'm moving it because I don't know. Like I was going to say six months, and now I'm like, well that's only a month away and it's going okay. So I'm just at this point, honestly, I'm taking it one day at a time, and there's going to become a breaking point when I'm like, you know what, or maybe I'll just go from like three pumps to two pumps or something like that. But things are a little bit better now, and I guess the reason for that is that I've just well I got rid of the five am pump, which helps I've decided what was non negotiable, and for me, that is exercise, Like I have to do something, and I've found some more efficient ways to exercise. It's this podcast. I really like. It's a priority for me. I don't. It doesn't take that much time and it adds so much. It's just really fun and it's going somewhere, and it's I don't want to lose that. And things that are not priorities like I've gotten rid of. We're not tracking our budget as much anymore. We haven't been going on date nights, which sounds really bad, but it's not that we haven't been spending the time. It's just that we haven't done these like elaborate things where you go out to dinner and spend a couple hours. Instead, it's like, you know what, I'd rather have childcare during the day so I can catch up on my notes and then like watch a TV show after the kids are in bed and hang out a little bit and that is almost as good and actually cheaper than going out to fancy dinner with a baby. Not tracking the budget, but you're not spending the money either, So it's all so I guess they've found some checks and balances a little bit. I have not been blogging as much and I miss that, but it's okay. And I think about the fact that the blogs I love most, I don't care when they disappear for a little bit. I'm just happy when they come back, and I don't stop reading. And most people read on feeds anyway, so it's not like they're gonna give up clicking and forget about me. They won't. I keep I keep clicking over to see if there's any We're technologically stupid, like, I'm sure there's some way where i'd get alerted when you put up something new, and then I could go a check. But I'm like, oh, well, maybe should Well if anybody listening is not using a feed reader like feed Lee, that does definitely help you to call together the blogs that you love. So maybe that'll have to be a Love of the Week someday. Once I figured that out, putting this same card in my son's phone was like the extent of what I can take on in the next month. No, that's absolutely that's that's that's pretty good. A SIM card in your sound's phone. I see, I just learned that there was a SIM card. Like a month ago. I was like, there's this little thing that goes into your Yeah, so I'm just as bad. So yeah, I guess I've just been sort of prioritizing, deciding what needs to happen and what doesn't, occasionally screeching to my husband, who then tells like he's the one who was like, why don't you just stop tracking the budget? And I was like, oh, point. And he's been I mean I've been asking specifically for help from him and he absolutely does it. Like I asked him to go to the ATM and he went to the you know, little things like that. Like I think he's made a special point that if I ask him to do something once like I haven't had to remind him, he does it. He's taken on lots of little things that have been helpful. So that's that's good. Yeah, I mean, well, you know, you're feeding a human being, I know, your own stuff. That's the one thing I can't outsource. And I think it is true. I have to keep reminding him. He's like, why don't you take a whole day at a coffee shop. I'm like, oh, with a punk like that, you know there's that that's there is that it just doesn't go away until I decide it's time, which I don't know that, which yeah, I mean that's a choice as well, and it is it is, but I feel like my blog will be there, and again, like the it's not like I have to give that up completely and the balances it's about right right now, I think even if it's hard, Well'm glad that the podcast hasn't disappeared her we would have been getting a lot of solo Laura episodes through to no. I really really, I really like doing it. I'm so excited for some of the upcoming episodes we have with some of the guests we have planned and even some of the just discussions we have. And we're going to talk about your book next week, which, by the way, everyone, now I've gotten a chance to read it. It's so good, Like I'm not just saying that. And I was worried. I was worried I'd have to go on here and say that I loved it when I didn't. But like, I really really really loved it, like you should. Like I was sending emails to my husband like, oh my god, Laura's book, Like I love it seriously, it has another dimension to it than the things that Laura writes about on her blog and that we talk about. There's a lot more kind of examples. There's a deeper aspect to it, Like I feel like, you know, we're going to talk about it in more detail in an upcoming episode, but I think a lot of our listeners will find it kind of inspiring to just make the most of their time in a not not just in that concrete like timesaver hack kind of a way, but more in how you're thinking about time. So I highly suggest if you're listening to this when we're recording it, you can actually go ahead and pre order it and then you'll get it, by the way, yes, off the clock, and it's definitely available in multiple venues. I got I actually Laura sent me a copy, but I also pre ordered one on Amazon, and I pre ordered a gift from my mom on Amazon because the pre orders do help, and then you'll get it the day it comes out. So well, thank you. I'm glad. I'm glad you like it, like honestly, honestly over at me if you want, I'll be willing to take that. But no, it was it was a fun one to write, and yeah, a little bit different from from the others, but I mean got to at some point because you can only write the same topics. No, it's got concrete stuff in it, but I feel like it's less its a it has a more, it's a little deeper, and I think that's really cool. Yeah, yeah, but you're still you're reading some other things too, write like, yeah, so I was gonna say, and this kind of does link to some things you said in my book. But I am trying to kind of focus on the things even if I feel overwhelmed, I'm focusing on I'm trying to really as I'm doing one activity, I'm trying not to think of everything else, and I'm trying to focus on the fact that I am getting to enjoy certain things. And as I sat down to write this, this included reading, which while I'm not reading like the seventeen books I read during from January to March, I read six books since I went back to work, which is like three a month, which is not terrible. Four novels and two nonfiction. I'm about to start my seventh because I have a book club coming up, and you know, I'm trying to make that pumping time more pleasant by reading as I've talked about, it can't work very well because I need my hands, but I don't really need my hands to read, even though I need them to chart. So it's been that's nice. I have been exercising, and I've been trying to like just really focus on the workouts while I'm doing them, so that I am not, you know, thinking about the five things I could be doing, but instead like just be in that exercise. And I've just been putting a few fun things in the calendar so I have little things to look forward to, and tried not to think about the charts that are hanging there while I'm doing them, because I do think some of this is mindset, and the more I can just be in each thing I'm doing and not think about what may not be happening, the better off I am during this time. So I think that's been one of my kind of survival tactics. Yeah, and you've been you said you're asking for more help on the on the home front, and then also some at work too, right, I mean that they're yes, Yeah, I mean it's we're supposed to be invincible as doctors, but I think times are changing and we're allowed to admit that we're struggling a little more, and I definitely kind of let my staff know, like I'm really having trouble keeping up with the phone calls. I need to be able to batch the phone calls. And you know, one of the nurses yesterday was even like I think she sensed a little bit of discord. I was like, you know what, make a list, I'll call your growth patients, like I can do that, I can give bone age results like it's fine. And she was right because at that particular time, she had some time and I really didn't. So you know, even though that's not a part of her official job description, she felt like she could take on a little bit to help me temporarily. And I think, you know, the fact that our workplace, we do really like each other, and we care about each other, and we listen to each other and we're real with each other, has enabled it so that she volunteered to do that, Whereas I think if everyone was just kind of, you know, out for themselves, if that was more of our work culture, I'd struggle. But luckily, yeah, I was able to get that help. And the daytime babysitting on a couple of weekends has been incredibly helpful. Notes done too, right, Yeah, I can get some of notes done. I can let Josh work guilt free while I'm working. You know that neither of us have to worry that we're dumping on the other. It's enabled me to do things one on one with some of the kids, which is which is nice because I really feel like they've needed that, especially Cameron lately. And as I said, it's so funny. I was thinking about the cost of it, and if you add up the cost of a fancy dinner plus babysitting for that dinner, it far exceeds the cost of like eight hours of daytime babysitting. And this was like, I mean far, cause if you're I mean using real numbers, if you're paying somebody twenty dollars an hour, if you go out to a really really nice dinner and it's one hundred and fifty or even I mean, this is Miami Beach, it's not going to be cheap. So let's say it's one hundred and fifty or two hundred plus maybe five hours of babysitting. That's another one hundred. That's three hundred versus eight hours of twenty dollars an hour babysitting is one hundred and sixty and then you can do Netflix with your husband, put the kids to bed, have a nice dinner with the kids at home. Even adding the price of takeout to that, you still come out ahead. So I guess I'm sort of challenging some assumptions as to what's worth it and what's not. No, it's definitely having that extra help and at a time when you don't normally have it. I think it's just this mental shift is key, because yeah, it would be stressful if like he's on call and you're like I still have work to do too, Like why is he working and I'm not, and you know, I have this stuff to get done, and it can be a very big source of tension as well, exactly. So throw money at the money problem and then just don't do your budget app for a while, and honestly, I think it would come out Okay, I really do things. Things are going to balance out in the long run. And as I mentioned, you know what, in ten years, I probably will almost never need any childcare, and Laura, in just a few years, you may not have much childcare think about, and you may have an extra driver in your house in about five years. You know, the teenage drivers are their own separate issue. I don't know if anyone who I mean, we we are these at different times when we record him, but I know some of our listeners also read the Frugal Girls blog. She's got a very popular Blog's her poor, So it's not his fault. This is the worst thing. I mean, it was nice. You always think of these, like, you know, teenage boy drivers, like the oh terrible cosingal sorts of pump. It's not he He was in an act andident. They got insurance money to get a new like the car was totaled. He got a new or not new, but a new used car. He was parked in their like house, like not on the street, and a school bus ran into his car and like totaled it again. So I'm just like, oh my gosh, unreal. Well, animal has asked me if she will learn to drive or if there will be self driving cars by the time she turned sixteen. Entirely different thing. I hadn't even thought about that it could happen by the time, but it could actually happen. We got ten years it could happen. It'd probably be saying, yeah, yeah, well that's uh, that's something to think about in terms of helping us in these these crunched times. And you know, I mean i've you you asked if I had had any of these you know, challenges. Yeah, what have been your challenging times? Aside from middle school, which we discussed. You know, I think that the sort of crazed counting minutes like do I have minutes to do X, Y or Z. I mean I've had a few periods of life where I felt that way. One was long before kids. It was actually the fall of my senior year of high school, just because I had so many activities going on. I had a lot of really challenging courses I had after being in a school district that was not that great. By the way, I wound up going away for my second my last two years of high school to a boarding school. So it was like a very different phenomenon for in terms of like challenge and everything else. And you know, I also wound up applying to what seven colleges, and this was before like the common app was being used places. It was so seven like individual applications, and I was doing all this other stuff like with newspaper and dance and whatever else. And you know, it was just I remember being like, you know, counting hours I would minimally need to sleep, Like if I got up at X time, could have studied for another hour for a test that was you know, two days from now to get that extra hour in. Plus you know, using time I would have been eating for doing a project. It was just like a fairly intense time until that all got done. And at that age, did you have good coping strategies, because well, I hadn't developed them. I mean, you know, there were probably some some unhealthy coping strategies too, because you're a teenager. But it was when I transferred to that high school. I had a really bad first semester in terms of grades and things like that, because I didn't know how to study and I didn't know how to plan my time, and so I had to learn that. And you know, fortunately, I'm the kind of person who I don't like the fact that my my grades weren't where I wanted them to be. So I said, well, I have me to figure this out. And so then the next semester I got straight a's and was able to maintain the straight a's again. And fortunately, you know, the colleges I were I was applying to were willing to overlook one semester of not great grades, you know, so that was good. I don't know if they'd do it now, but everyone's more selective now. They probably would have. You had a good narrative around it, you know. I came from this lesson her school and I had to learn how to do it, and I pulled myself up by that might look actually better because you have something to say about youlling that. Yeah, I don't know, so I did that. But then in this sort of post kid, I've had a you know, a couple like book launches like while I've had very young kids, and I think that's always been a little bit, you know, trying to plan a lot of things. And I remember when I Know How She does It came out three years ago, Alex was five four months old. Five months old, so there was, you know, just the whole thing of fitting in the feedings, around all the calls and everything else. And I remember at one point I needed to get my hair cut because I was going on TV and it looked like crap, and because I hadn't gotten it cut, and whenever, you know, because I had a baby and I told it on a Saturday and my husband went to go pick up our oldest at a birthday party, and I total, I mentally, I have my haircut. I think he'd forgotten. And then you know, our kid was like having fun at the party, so he wasn't coming back and it was like running through my hair appointment, and like he wasn't picking up the phone, like it was just like, you know, forty five minutes late from when he was supposed to come home from this party. And I'm just like standing there in the driveway like yelling like I can't you know, they I need my haircut, Like I can't go on National TV with my hair looking like this, and you just blew through my appointment, like and you know, I don't know what that is, so so stressful, I wound up racing over to there. She she basically because I've been going to her for several years. She like slow walked to the person next to me through their their haircut, basically like they had a very very long conditioning treatment so that you could get like she didn't do anything else, but she at least cut it, and which is fine, Like I didn't need to be blown out at that point. I wasn't going immediately on TV afterwards, so it was like the next day. So yeah, it was just one of those moments. But the thing about my life though, and I totally appreciate this, you know, with what you've been talking about. I mean, working from home and working for myself are two things that just provide some give in a schedule in a way that having to be at an office at a certain point does not. So A I could feed the baby, you know, like I sort of had a list which is so yeah, so much more efficient, Like, you know, I had a list of like people I can be on the phone with while feeding a baby, people I cannot be on a phone with wall feeding a baby. You know, I try and schedule the feedings during the times with people who were okay to be on you know, have baby noise in the background. But not having the commute, you know, I had trips maybe every once or twice a week or something like you know, take the train into New York, but like not every day just removes that ninety minutes of lost time, which is also just more efficient or you know, not having to necessarily look decent at a certain time. So if I needed to say sleep, you know, I could, And I was thinking about that. I was like, she could take it in a nap. If you don't, I don't. But if it happened, like I would look at my schedule and say, like, I have you know, an hour between calls here. I thought I was going to do X, but now I'm just going to go sleep. And that would be a way to get some of the spillover the self care things that are harder to do when you're in office. So you know, it's it's it's great, and I you know, we have people listening who are trying to figure out what what do I ask for? What do I negotiate for in terms of my schedule. I think if you can figure out a way that your office might be willing to let you sort of transition back into your time of Yeah, if I could have done something different, I would have made some sort of like, you know, my job is about units of service to some extent, right, that's what our views are, That's what seeing a patient is. But I would have probably said, you know, you value me, I value you. Let's set a slightly lower target for these few months. Can you forgive me for that? I'll try to make up for it later by being awesome in some fashion. I didn't do that passion. But you know, if you have the kind of place where you know people occasionally work from home, like if you need to come back at three months after you know, having your baby, if you can negotiate to mostly work from home from three to six months, for instance, like you're still back at work, but you're able to, say, feed the baby during the day not lose that commuting time. That can be a major plus. Like, yes, you still need childcare, Like, don't think that you necessarily can do all your work well caring for a small child as well, But at least the pumping doesn't necessarily come up, and you don't lose that commuting time. And that could be a way to ease back in into as a way to sort of lessen some of that really crunch time. Feeling yes, well, the third trimester's fifth trimester, third time, mister, fifth trimester's almost over. It's gonna get better, and I do keep thinking about Hey, in twenty nineteen, my life will not be divided no matter what into increments of three hours of when someone needs to eat for me, and I have all kinds of you know, that's going to be soon. Like the truth is, like people are already selling twenty nineteen planners. So it's not the face. It's a phase. And that doesn't mean one should be like miserable during a phase. I mean some some things can be changed. But if there are things that can be changed, obviously, like do what you can to change them, to make them better, to like, you know, make us not feel like we're sort of wishing time away, because that's of course a really difficult feeling too that can be sort of psychologically rough, which we will talk about more on our more I'm not wishing time away, all right, Well, do you want to get through our Q and A yeah, you know, because okay, yeah, it's totally really bad. Yeah you want to from a woman, she says, I'm a working mom with a wonderful two year old son and a wonderful thirty two year old husband. I love that. She added that put his age. My job is about forty five minutes away from home, much like Sarah's, without a lot of traffic. When there is traffic, it adds a lot of time. To a commute. She says she just finished listening to the episode featuring Meredith Monday SHORTZ. That was a great episode. By the way, people, if you haven't heard that, sorry, this is Laura talking, not our listener, although she enjoyed it too, she said, talking about the idea of telecommuting, I love the idea and have thought about approaching my boss about the possibility. However, I know that she has been burned in the past when she has given the option to her employees. I believe that was a few years ago, at least before I started working here five years ago. My question is, how do I approach her with the possibility of allowing employees to telecomute at least one day a month or when she already has a bad taste in her mouth about it. I currently have an idea in my head of just allowing employees to telecommute one day a month because our jobs require more in person communication and availability. However, not all days necessarily require that we were in the office. Because I know she's been burned in the past, the ideal or proposal I would bring up would have to include certain stipulations, such as communicating with supervisor's prior approval, restricted privileges, whatever it is. But what do you suggest as I attempt to approach this subject with my boss, Well, make her listen. Man, I thought we could all just go listen to this episode. Yet I don't know how one subtly listens to a podcast with somebody put it on the background. No, but seriously, I do think there's a lot in that episode about how Meredith made it successful in her company that could potentially be applied to this scenario. Like if people haven't listened to it. Meredith wasn't talking about it from like asking your boss for She was like, approach it from the boss who she was the boss, and she was super cautious about it, you know. She I think really didn't want to be burned by some of these things, and so her approach was not like, oh, just dive in and let everyone do what they want, but like a really careful, graduated approach. So I think, you know, I really do think the more I work and get older, whatever, the more I think just being honest with your advisor's help. So I mean, talk to that person about why you think it could work, Why do you think it would be helpful and motive exactly. She needs to make her numbers, like your boss needs to make her numbers. Like if you keep that in mind, like how is this going to help your boss make her numbers? That it will actually help both of you exactly, And then I mean talk about a graduate approach, so it doesn't have to be I mean she's talking about at least one. I mean, is the boss really going to say no to one day a month? I would be kind of surprised. I don't think that many bosses would be. You know, if you're asking for a little bit, I think actually that's almost that's little exactly, and that'd be like, well, how about twice a month? Yeah, how about two a month? Exactly? So, but I do think asking for a graduated approach is helpful, and then specifically mentioning let's do this for X amount of time and then review how productive I've been so we can see if this has been good. And then you got to convince her. You've got to show her exactly what you're saying. So if what you're saying is true that you'll be able to get done without interruptions, without the commute night, that that is true, you'll be able to have actual hard data to show her and that may be able to escalate it. The other thing is, I don't necessarily know that you need to go You talked about allowing employees, but I mean, you don't need to have her allow employees. You just have her need to allow you. So I don't know that you need to work on changing company policy. But maybe you could suggest that you would be the guinea pig and that by very carefully tracking data that it would actually be useful. And then they could decide whether this is something they would be helpful to extend to others or not. And then finally, remember how Meredith talked about some really cool virtual office software so that you could actually physically like see you when someone's at their desks. You could talk about how, you know, it wouldn't like be that you're out in the ether, but it would be that from x hour to x hour you are one hundred percent reachable, and you could actually see it as an icon or avatar via Slack or whatever. You know, the software that merridith you something that makes it a little bit more defined, because probably what's making this person nervous is the idea that you would just sort of be out there doing your own thing. And I think that, you know, with the tech tools we have today, that remote work doesn't have to be like that, So you could, you could, certainly, Yeah, it'd be interesting to try and get a little intelligence on what exactly burned her on this. You know, this this mythical bad employee somewhere who burned her on the telecommuting thing years ago is a long time I mean not they probably didn't have the same players back then anyway. I mean the asd with like, you know, people abuse all sorts of situations, and and it's always easy to assign it to the thing that seems new and weird and that you're uncomfortable with anyway. So it's like, oh, we had a problem with this employee, and it's because she was telecommuting that it was a problem. Well maybe not. I mean, maybe it's that you had a bad employee and like that person could have done what. You know, it's we don't assign things that happen into the in the office as being a problem with the office. Like if somebody was stealing from your employee stock room, we'd be like, oh, everyone has to work from home from now on because like somebody was stealing from the employee stock room. We can't have employees in the office. Well, no, that's not how people react. So it's it's just because it's this new thing that that people get a little bit weirded out by it. So you know, I think, yes, approaching it as a as a trial period, but also just kind of exploring this idea of like, you know, are you a good employee, Like are you going above and beyond to showing you know, getting your stuff done? Like would she have any reason not to trust you? And if not, then then I don't think this is really a huge ask. Yeah, please let us know, write us back and let us know if you've asked and whether it worked all right. So this brings us to Love of the Week. So Sarah was saying she's been getting back into exercising yay, And I've recommitted like five different exercise problem in this podcast because I've I've been schizophrenic with this and that's okay, because I think I started with DIA after I had the baby, and that was kind of helpful, was really not very intense, but it was what I needed. Then I tried Mama Strong, which was good but she was a little too quirky to be honest for me, and I didn't feel like those workouts, like I didn't feel like I had like a nice objective way to tell if I was getting better. But if you remember from the Rachel Hunger episode, Rachel is obsessed with beach Body and specifically Autumn CALIBRISI. So I was like, finally, Okay, I'm gonna try it, Rachel. I'm just gonna do it, and it's kind of awesome. So that's my new love of the week is that I'm doing the twenty one day fixed workouts. I'm not doing any of the like nutritional stuff because nah, who cares, I'm breastfeeding. I don't care right now. But no, the workouts are really good and they're a little more structured, which I like because I like having like a specific schedule, and I like the repetition because I can like see the progress a little better. Like I'm literally only ten days in, but I've done the arm workout twice now, for example, and I'm like, oh, this time, I could do more push ups, not on my knees, not very many, by the way, but anyway, they're they're really cool. So I am not selling Beach Body. I'm never going to sell Beach Body. I know that's a thing. I just bought the thing online, and but I really like the workouts. I'll good to be back the week. It's just like mental, Oh my gosh. For me, it's such a mental I need it exactly. I was gonna do a weightlifting one, which I've said, as you know, probably ten different years that I'm like, I'm gonna lift weights this year that I really just don't and probably is that, you know, I love running, and I you know, feel like my exercise time is running time, and then I just don't feel like doing anything else. But one easy way to get into it is that I've been using the weights in hotel gyms, and so if I'm in a hotel gym, it's you know, they usually have them and just do a little bit of something there, and so that winds up being, you know, like once a week that I put in a weightlifting work on. I think I'm okay with that for now. I will hopefully, at some point in my life add more to it, because I know it would be very good for me, especially as I enter my forties in the next year or so that you know, you always hear about muscle, muscle strength or whatever declining, whatever it is that that happens, whatever horrible things start to happen to us. So it's a forty four zero like that's it's every by the way. So I'm just doing it sort of once a week for now when I'm in a hotel job, because that's a trigger, right, like you need something at huge though. Yeah, that's once is a lot more than zero, and then you never know that could turn into twice and then maybe I'll get you to try these workouts that I like. I don't like internet fitness people talking to me to do stuff. Oh interesting, Yeah, you have to not mind that. I really don't mind that. I mean, she's nicer than like Jillian Michael's, but I've never even minded her. I kind of like the yeah, the subordination. We'll just end on that note. Don't tell me I don't want to do something interesting. The upholder hasn't it. We're both upholders. But that is an inner revel Okay, well, yeah I would. I would love to hear Grutchen's take on that. But I'm excited that you're doing it because I think I thank You're all right? Well, I'm gonna throw in one more reminder for everyone that again, the book is out in Vane. Laura won't say it herself, but yes, off the clock. You can pre order on any of the various internet venues, including Amazon, and if you were going to get it anyway, you might as well just do it down, all right. This has been Best of Both Worlds Episode forty two. We've been talking about getting through difficult times mostly also a little bit about tele telecommuting and how to ask your boss about that. And we'll be back next week with more on making work and life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the Best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on making work and life work together.