Empowering Relationship Mastery: Dave Ulloa’s Techniques for Overcoming Challenges and Building Strong Bonds

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Thank you certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.

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<v Speaker 1>Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.

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<v Speaker 1>Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, hello, hello everybody, so fun morning.

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<v Speaker 2>The podcast almost didn't happen, but Dave and I were calm, collected, thinking around coding and we figured it out.

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<v Speaker 2>So, hey, today we have my friend, dave Ulloa Super excited to have you on again.

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<v Speaker 2>I know Yvette is out there saving the world, so it's just us guys.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're going to talk about guy stuff, super excited.

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<v Speaker 2>So Dave is the founder of a company.

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<v Speaker 2>People Create Extraordinary Relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>He is certified by top relationship researcher and coach, allison Armstrong.

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<v Speaker 2>Dave has shared insights globally, from Australia to South Africa.

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<v Speaker 2>Man, this thing's long you have a lot man.

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<v Speaker 2>He has spoken to audiences as large as 20,000 people at American Airlines Arena in Miami.

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<v Speaker 2>He shared the stage with renowned figures such as Zig Ziglar, stephen Covey, Robert Kiyosaki, john Oseroff and Tony Robbins.

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<v Speaker 2>So, dave, tell us for people that don't know you haven't seen you on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Before tell us a little bit more about yourself.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, thank you so much for having me Michael as well, and just an honor to be here.

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<v Speaker 3>Anytime we're able to help our veterans that keep us safe at home, it's always a pleasure.

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<v Speaker 3>I have a dear heart for veterans for sure.

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<v Speaker 3>A former police officer myself, I've been through the ups and downs of PTSD and know what seeing traumatic things out in the field can do to a person.

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<v Speaker 3>So just a little background on myself.

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<v Speaker 3>I grew up, I was born and raised in New York.

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<v Speaker 3>I grew up on my dad's Ecuadorian, my mom's El Salvadorian.

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<v Speaker 3>So they told us to go to school, get good grades so we can get a good job.

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<v Speaker 3>I followed their advice and after a decade of doing that I found myself broke financially $70,000 in credit card debt, hated my job as a police officer, on the verge of a bankruptcy, on the verge of a divorce, and just didn't know what to do or how to turn it around.

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<v Speaker 3>And I realized the main thing that turned everything around was I was such in victim mode back then, michael.

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<v Speaker 3>I was blaming everybody for my problems.

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<v Speaker 3>I was blaming the government, I was blaming my boss, I was blaming my degree, I was blaming what happened to me when I was six years old and I realized that there's only one common denominator in all the chaos in my life, and that was me.

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<v Speaker 3>So I said okay, if I'm the cause of it, then power.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's take our power back and let's turn it around.

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<v Speaker 3>So, my wife and I, we decided to dive into the world of personal development and literally within two years of just learning from some of the best of the best reading their books, listening to their audios, going to their seminars we went from being broke to now they call us the blue collar millionaires traveling around the world building businesses.

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<v Speaker 3>Been married 24 years now and our love is just to help people to have better relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>That's fantastic.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you for sharing that you have.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, we could do just a story on you for an hour.

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<v Speaker 2>Easy, you really do.

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<v Speaker 2>You truly have such an amazing story, especially being the police officer, all the things you know.

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<v Speaker 2>It's very, it's a beautiful story, man, it really is.

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<v Speaker 3>Thank you, Michael.

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<v Speaker 3>And you know just like yourself, brother, I know we all have our stories and we all have our challenges, and, like everybody that's watching here, you have a story as well, and the best stories that we know, Michael, are the dream, the struggle and the prize.

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<v Speaker 3>That's the best framework for a story.

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<v Speaker 3>And so some of you right now might be in the struggle phase and I've been in the struggle phase and life is kind of like a roller coaster.

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<v Speaker 3>That it's not like.

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<v Speaker 3>I shared this with a friend the other day there's only one place on the planet that there is no struggle, that there is no problems.

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<v Speaker 3>There's only one place, and that's called the cemetery.

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<v Speaker 3>So, if you have problems, just know that you're alive, which is awesome.

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<v Speaker 3>It's what you do when those problems happen.

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<v Speaker 3>Which I think we'll talk a little bit about today is how, if you're in the struggle right now, how do you get to the prize?

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<v Speaker 3>Because nobody wants to hear your story If you're just stuck in the struggle.

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<v Speaker 3>They want to hear the story of how you broke through and created your dream life, whether it be mentally, emotionally or jumping on a podcast like this.

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<v Speaker 3>So our hope, Michael, is today is maybe there's just one nugget that somebody takes away, that can transform their life.

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<v Speaker 2>Amen, and I promise there'll be a multiple coming out of you.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely promise everybody that.

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<v Speaker 2>So thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>And before we get started, I just want to remind everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>The top right corner of your screen has a blue QR code.

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<v Speaker 2>Please scan that.

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<v Speaker 2>It takes you to Empower Performance Strategies Again empowerperformancestrategiescom.

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<v Speaker 2>For people listening later on, See, Dave's doing it now.

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<v Speaker 2>There are free books.

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<v Speaker 2>There's all kinds of resources for veterans and their families.

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<v Speaker 2>Get involved.

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<v Speaker 2>There's some Facebook pages for veterans and their families.

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<v Speaker 2>Get involved, Come join us.

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<v Speaker 2>So I just want to bring that up.

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<v Speaker 2>And at the end we're going to have Dave give us three tips to get veterans further faster.

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<v Speaker 2>So stay tuned for that, of course.

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<v Speaker 2>So let's dive in, shall we?

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<v Speaker 3>I love that.

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<v Speaker 3>Getting better, further, faster.

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<v Speaker 3>I like that.

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<v Speaker 2>It's.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what?

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<v Speaker 2>I borrowed it from someone who said, borrow it, and so I did, and it just fits in so many different elements of what we do, so I'm going to borrow it till my last breath 100%.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's talk about transition challenges.

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<v Speaker 2>So, Dave, in your experience, what are some of the unique challenges and not just for veterans, but of course this shows about veterans.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think all humans deal with these kinds of things, but veterans are more conditioned and sometimes they struggle to ask for help etc.

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<v Speaker 2>But what are some of the challenges veterans face when transitioning back to civilian life and, of course, particularly in relationships?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, great question.

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<v Speaker 3>And here's one of the biggest challenges that we find is when you think about a veteran that gets deployed and goes off to war and let's talk about the extreme, where they get out in the field and now they're in combat and the things that they have to do, the things that they have to see the people that they may have lost along the way.

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<v Speaker 3>That takes a massive, massive toll on a human being, and so when they come home, a lot of times there's just so much stimulus that causes them to go into what we call, at Warriors and Queens, human instinct.

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<v Speaker 3>And this simple framework helps people to understand that they do have choice and they do have power on how they respond or react to things when they come back home, especially in the relationship and when we talk about human instinct.

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<v Speaker 3>Human instinct is our survival mode.

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<v Speaker 3>This is allowed.

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<v Speaker 3>We all need to be able to access that.

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<v Speaker 3>It's our fight or flight.

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<v Speaker 3>It gives us the ability to have survived as a species, because if there's a lion you got to do, you got to do whatever you got to do to protect yourself and to protect your family, and so that human instinct is that side of us that we tap into that helps us to survive.

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<v Speaker 3>But the other side of us is the human spirit, and the human spirit is more where we come from choice, where life is effortless.

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<v Speaker 3>Human spirit is more where we come from choice, where life is effortless, where it flows.

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<v Speaker 3>This is where people respond versus react.

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<v Speaker 3>But here's the challenge, michael, and how it relates to veterans is, in today's day, unfortunately, because of traffic, because of the internet, all of this stimulation that's going on, somebody sends an email that you don't like, you go into reactive mode and now you're in human instinct.

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<v Speaker 3>And when you're constantly in that mode which, in today's world, most people that's where they are living.

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<v Speaker 3>They're living in that survival mode where they're reacting to somebody's tone.

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<v Speaker 3>They're reacting to somebody cutting them off at the freeway, they're reacting to their partner that may say or do something in a way they didn't like, and immediately their reactive nature kicks in.

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<v Speaker 3>And now it's usually not what's actually happening that creates the chaos, michael.

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<v Speaker 3>It's the reaction that creates the chaos in our relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>So what I like to share with veterans is just understand that when you come home, there's a lot of things that are happening behind the scenes in your mind, but if you just remember that you have access to that human spirit.

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<v Speaker 3>And how do you get access to that human spirit?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, if you know that you're in that survival human instinct mode and you know certain things are triggering you.

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<v Speaker 3>One of the easiest ways that we found to help people to get in or access their human spirit is a few things, and I'll share one simple one.

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<v Speaker 3>We call it BOP Breathe open and pause.

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<v Speaker 3>Because as soon as you get triggered and your reactive nature is about to kick in, a lot of times we stop breathing.

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<v Speaker 3>And when we stop breathing, there's no oxygen going to the head.

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<v Speaker 3>And we know when emotions go up, intelligence goes down and we do stupid things.

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<v Speaker 3>So the first thing is, when you're getting your partner's trigger, you're back in the hole and they're saying something or doing, you're starting to feel a little uncomfortable or some tension.

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<v Speaker 3>Just do, just take a deep breath in.

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<v Speaker 3>And when you take a deep breath in, it gives you a moment to bring oxygen to your brain.

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<v Speaker 3>And then the next step is oh, which is open your chest.

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<v Speaker 3>When you open your chest, it's like it's like you allow more love, more grace, to come in, so you're not so constricted.

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<v Speaker 3>So even just that movement of two millimeters, of moving your shoulders back and your chest out, you also get into a posture of more confidence.

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<v Speaker 3>And then the last one, michael's instead of immediately just lashing out or saying something, just pause.

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<v Speaker 3>So when you breathe open and pause immediately, you access that human spirit side of you that now has choice, that now has power.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely love it and you know it's just being present for that, for that minute, for yourself, so you can be present for everybody else.

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<v Speaker 2>I love what you just said, just taking that second and and can I just add, thrown some kind of a celebration that you realized that you needed to bop, and literally I mean it's just pump your fist just for a second, not at somebody, but pump your fist mentally, whatever, but get those good hormones going.

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<v Speaker 2>Realize you've caught yourself because it'll train your mind to do it more and more and more.

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<v Speaker 2>So, man, that's just, that's fantastic.

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<v Speaker 2>So I see that on the male side.

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<v Speaker 2>So let's talk more about this.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm throwing out questions already, just so you know I love it.

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<v Speaker 2>Organic conversation is what we do.

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<v Speaker 2>So, from the male side, how do you realize let's call it a brain bullet point to say, hey, I'm in that, going down the rabbit hole?

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<v Speaker 2>What's a thought process to stop that bad communication, just like you know to do the bop?

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<v Speaker 2>What's a trigger?

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<v Speaker 2>What's a thing that you could teach yourself, maybe, to say, hey, I'm going down that rabbit hole.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, great question.

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<v Speaker 3>So there's a couple of things and if you know and usually there's certain patterns and you may want to have a word that you say or maybe a movement that you make that when you're in that space side of everything, and sometimes when I find myself getting off center, which means I'm moving into fear mode and I know I need to access more resources, I need to access more confidence, more centeredness.

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<v Speaker 3>I have different anchors that I do for different things, but one of the anchors is I just put my fingers like this and I've anchored in the emotion of confidence and so whenever I do that, I immediately my nervous system goes into feeling confidence, which, instead of feeling weak or off center, I put myself into confidence.

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<v Speaker 3>So, just a little movement.

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<v Speaker 3>If you can already just go into knowing that there's going to be conflict, there's going to be tension, especially if you're in a relationship just having something that you can do immediately when you start to feel a little Listen, there's going to be conflict, there's going to be tension, especially if you're in a relationship Just having something that you can do immediately when you start to feel a little off center.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe it's a word you say I personally like the movement because it's something that I can do, that I control, and it helps me to shift from one place to another, and I love that.

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<v Speaker 2>I love that.

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<v Speaker 2>So, excuse me, so when you start to just feel that, you've just trained yourself and condition yourself, just like military conditioning.

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<v Speaker 2>You're conditioning yourself to deal with the situation in that way Exactly, exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>No-transcript.

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<v Speaker 2>So let's get into what we were going to talk about.

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<v Speaker 2>So you know when, when, when.

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<v Speaker 2>As a man, we communicate differently.

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<v Speaker 2>Can we just start?

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<v Speaker 2>Let's talk about that.

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<v Speaker 2>How do we communicate differently than women?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, so.

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<v Speaker 3>So men, we, we also teach another framework called hunting mode and gathering mode, and men are usually in hunting mode.

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<v Speaker 3>And what hunting mode is?

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<v Speaker 3>It's all about results.

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<v Speaker 3>It's outcome driven when you know you're out there and you need to bring home for the family and you're hunting.

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<v Speaker 3>If you start to get distracted and looking at the berries out in the field, you're not going to bring food home to the family.

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<v Speaker 3>So hunting mode is laser focused and it's outcome driven.

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<v Speaker 3>We're meant to lead, we're meant to solve problems, and so the way we communicate as men is much shorter than women.

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<v Speaker 3>Women tend to speak a lot more languages, they love to communicate.

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<v Speaker 3>The other side is gathering mode, which is more flexible, more open.

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<v Speaker 3>They have the power of diffused awareness where they can see things, multiple things, and do multiple things.

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<v Speaker 3>They can go down the meadow, they see the berry, they're knowing how to get back home.

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<v Speaker 3>So gathering mode and hunting mode are two different modes.

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<v Speaker 3>We all have access, whether you're a man or woman, all access to both.

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<v Speaker 3>But men are usually in that hunting mode phase.

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<v Speaker 3>So when we're in hunting mode, how do we communicate with our partner, where we step into human spirit?

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<v Speaker 3>I'll give you a prime example.

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<v Speaker 3>In relationships.

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<v Speaker 3>This is one of the biggest things we see where tension happens, because we're so used to being problem solvers and providers and protectors.

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<v Speaker 3>When our lady is talking to us, we're constantly thinking about what's the purpose of this conversation.

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<v Speaker 3>Is there a problem I need to solve?

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<v Speaker 3>There must be a problem, there must be a reason.

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<v Speaker 3>There must be a problem, there must be a reason, there must be a purpose for this conversation.

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<v Speaker 3>So get to the point, woman and and then all of a sudden, we come from the place of wanting to fix the problem.

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<v Speaker 3>Nine times out of ten, your lady doesn't want you to fix her.

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<v Speaker 3>She wants you to listen to her.

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<v Speaker 3>Because, women, they have all of this information that comes into them throughout the day the baby, the clothes, the work, all this stuff going on that if they don't communicate, all of this tension builds up, and so they have to get that tension out.

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<v Speaker 3>And how do they do that?

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<v Speaker 3>Through communicating.

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<v Speaker 3>They're amazing communicators, so they want it.

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<v Speaker 3>That's how they connect.

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<v Speaker 3>They connect by talking Amazing communicator, so that's how they connect.

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<v Speaker 3>They connect by talking.

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<v Speaker 3>But if you're constantly trying to fix them, here's what you're triggering in them that they're not good enough for you.

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<v Speaker 3>Why are you trying to fix me all the time?

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<v Speaker 3>Why are you trying to?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, you think I'm not good enough for you?

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<v Speaker 3>Unconsciously, that's what they think.

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<v Speaker 3>So what we teach men to do is once a day, just walk up to your lady.

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<v Speaker 3>You want to prevent tension.

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<v Speaker 3>You is once a day, just walk up to your lady.

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<v Speaker 3>You want to prevent tension, you want to prevent bickering or some arguments.

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<v Speaker 3>Just ask her hey, would you like to empty your basket?

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<v Speaker 3>And initially she'd be like what are you talking about?

00:17:06.805 --> 00:17:08.426
<v Speaker 3>Well, would you like to empty your basket?

00:17:08.426 --> 00:17:09.627
<v Speaker 3>I got about five minutes here.

00:17:09.627 --> 00:17:11.170
<v Speaker 3>I just want to know how your day was.

00:17:11.170 --> 00:17:15.616
<v Speaker 3>Tell me what was amazing about your day and I'm just going to be here listening.

00:17:15.616 --> 00:17:16.317
<v Speaker 3>Whatever you want to share.

00:17:16.317 --> 00:17:17.240
<v Speaker 3>Two things are going to happen.

00:17:17.240 --> 00:17:18.442
<v Speaker 3>You're going to shock your lady.

00:17:18.442 --> 00:17:23.635
<v Speaker 3>But number two she's going to reduce a whole bunch of stress and what?

00:17:23.635 --> 00:17:26.000
<v Speaker 3>Usually when they're stressed, they're closed off.

00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:28.145
<v Speaker 3>That means lack of intimacy.

00:17:28.145 --> 00:17:30.976
<v Speaker 3>So you want more intimacy in your relationship.

00:17:30.976 --> 00:17:32.477
<v Speaker 3>Hold their basket.

00:17:33.877 --> 00:17:36.839
<v Speaker 2>I love it, man, and Eric's then, like, don't start causing problems.

00:17:36.839 --> 00:17:41.882
<v Speaker 2>He just popped up here Stop it, eric.

00:17:41.882 --> 00:17:47.405
<v Speaker 2>So you know, and I think we just automatically do that, right it.

00:17:47.405 --> 00:17:49.626
<v Speaker 2>Second, do you want to empty your basket?

00:17:49.626 --> 00:18:03.461
<v Speaker 2>So on the other side, you know, men hold it all in.

00:18:03.461 --> 00:18:04.384
<v Speaker 2>You know, you know the drill.

00:18:04.384 --> 00:18:08.821
<v Speaker 2>So give us some tips for the, for the ladies, because there are some on here listening as well.

00:18:08.821 --> 00:18:15.683
<v Speaker 2>I know this wasn't about about about the ladies is going to be the men this time, but you know, you know we're, we're, we need to do that as well.

00:18:15.683 --> 00:18:18.028
<v Speaker 2>So what, what are some tips there?

00:18:18.028 --> 00:18:25.237
<v Speaker 2>So let me, let me go a little further.

00:18:25.237 --> 00:18:26.338
<v Speaker 2>Your, your man is going in to fix it.

00:18:26.338 --> 00:18:26.660
<v Speaker 2>You know he is.

00:18:26.660 --> 00:18:32.497
<v Speaker 2>You're already getting blood pressure, your face is turning red because you just want him to be present and be there for you.

00:18:32.497 --> 00:18:42.201
<v Speaker 2>What are some tips for how a woman can communicate that, instead of don't fix me, what's a way that she can maybe come to the man and say the same thing?

00:18:42.801 --> 00:18:43.624
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, great.

00:18:43.644 --> 00:18:43.845
<v Speaker 3>So.

00:18:43.845 --> 00:18:45.556
<v Speaker 3>So there's a couple of things here.

00:18:45.556 --> 00:19:10.499
<v Speaker 3>So a lot of times when men are in hunting mode and they get interrupted and this is sometimes happens a lot where, because our ladies, they, they have a great diffused awareness that a lot of times they'll come talking to us when we're in the middle of a project, when they're middle of doing something, and anytime a hunter gets interrupted, immediately they'll go into human instinct which, because now they were focused on something, now they get interrupted.

00:19:10.499 --> 00:19:14.297
<v Speaker 3>So something simple can just be hey, babe, is this a good time to talk?

00:19:14.297 --> 00:19:16.365
<v Speaker 3>Or asking for a good time to talk, when would be a good time to talk?

00:19:16.365 --> 00:19:21.284
<v Speaker 3>Or asking for a good time to talk when would be a good time to talk for about five minutes?

00:19:21.284 --> 00:19:23.481
<v Speaker 3>Ok, so just asking for that.

00:19:23.481 --> 00:19:30.749
<v Speaker 3>But then also, when you do have that conversation, that you let them know listen, I just want to share something with you.

00:19:30.749 --> 00:19:34.651
<v Speaker 3>I don't need you to fix anything, I don't want you to solve anything, I just want you to listen.

00:19:34.651 --> 00:19:35.535
<v Speaker 3>Is that work?

00:19:35.535 --> 00:19:39.162
<v Speaker 3>So having that kind of communication of asking for what you need.

00:19:39.162 --> 00:19:43.736
<v Speaker 3>But here's something even more powerful, michael, that's for both men and women.

00:19:43.736 --> 00:19:50.236
<v Speaker 3>There's something called transition time and transition time for somebody who is a hunter.

00:19:50.236 --> 00:19:52.761
<v Speaker 3>They go from one thing from work mode.

00:19:52.761 --> 00:19:55.977
<v Speaker 3>They have to have a transition to go from work mode to being husband mode.

00:19:55.977 --> 00:19:58.644
<v Speaker 3>Transition from being because when we think linear, we have to have a transition to go from work mode to being husband mode.

00:19:58.644 --> 00:20:08.055
<v Speaker 3>Transition from being because when we think linear, we have to have that transition time, because if we go from one thing to the other without transition time it could really really shut down a man in hunting mode.

00:20:08.055 --> 00:20:09.057
<v Speaker 3>So what does that look like?

00:20:09.760 --> 00:20:26.159
<v Speaker 3>Many years ago, before I knew all this stuff, I'd come home as a police officer and yvette would greet me and she'd be already home making food and as soon as I would walk in she would immediately want to start talking and telling me about her day and I would, in a way, just say, hey, babe.

00:20:26.159 --> 00:20:37.402
<v Speaker 3>And I'd immediately kind of not necessarily ignored her, but I instinctively just went to the bedroom and went to go change and take a shower so I can be home to be her husband.

00:20:37.402 --> 00:20:51.381
<v Speaker 3>Well, there was so many times where the way I did it because she didn't understand transition time either she felt neglected, she felt disrespected, she felt unseen, because I kind of just kicked her on the cheek real quick and then I went over to change.

00:20:51.381 --> 00:20:58.002
<v Speaker 3>And so after I come back out and now we have dinner on the table, and now she's pissed because I ignored her.

00:20:58.002 --> 00:21:04.421
<v Speaker 3>And now she's giving me the silent treatment while we eat dinner.

00:21:04.421 --> 00:21:04.742
<v Speaker 3>She's not.

00:21:04.742 --> 00:21:16.983
<v Speaker 3>I'm asking her questions, she's giving me short answers and I can tell there's tension, but I don't understand why the whole night we go to sleep, she sleeps on her side of the bed and we wake up the next morning and we just had this horrible, horrible night and none of us knew why.

00:21:17.724 --> 00:21:19.788
<v Speaker 3>Well, that transition time is a real thing.

00:21:19.788 --> 00:21:25.627
<v Speaker 3>So if you're in a relationship and this can also be for women, because women today's world is a lot of times they're in hunting mode.

00:21:25.627 --> 00:21:37.463
<v Speaker 3>So when you, or let's say, your husband, comes home, instead of immediately wanting to just pounce on him and tell him everything about your day, if you knew, say hey, honey, this is what he says now.

00:21:37.463 --> 00:21:40.723
<v Speaker 3>Hey, honey, I know you're home, enjoy it, good to see you.

00:21:40.723 --> 00:21:41.826
<v Speaker 3>A little kiss on the cheek.

00:21:41.826 --> 00:21:44.763
<v Speaker 3>I know you need your transition time.

00:21:44.763 --> 00:21:48.645
<v Speaker 3>I'll see you in about 30 minutes, which is usually what it takes me to transition.

00:21:48.645 --> 00:21:50.420
<v Speaker 3>And so after 30 minutes.

00:21:50.420 --> 00:21:53.257
<v Speaker 3>Now I leave work home Because remember hunting.

00:21:53.257 --> 00:21:55.922
<v Speaker 3>When you're out there hunting you got blood all over you.

00:21:55.922 --> 00:21:56.723
<v Speaker 3>You got all these things.

00:21:56.723 --> 00:21:59.588
<v Speaker 3>So you want to shift from one thing to another.

00:21:59.588 --> 00:22:06.403
<v Speaker 3>Now I shift from work mode to husband mode and now I can be present and totally available for my wife.

00:22:06.884 --> 00:22:08.307
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I love it, absolutely love it.

00:22:08.307 --> 00:22:11.483
<v Speaker 2>So people that work from home, that happens a lot.

00:22:11.483 --> 00:22:14.003
<v Speaker 2>Now I'm going to totally change it again on you.

00:22:14.003 --> 00:22:15.955
<v Speaker 2>So how many people work from home?

00:22:15.955 --> 00:22:16.415
<v Speaker 2>Now right Again on you.

00:22:16.415 --> 00:22:18.198
<v Speaker 2>So how many people work from home now, right?

00:22:18.198 --> 00:22:28.611
<v Speaker 2>So, when you own businesses, like Susan and I do, or you just work from home or another company, whatever the case may be, sometimes you don't.

00:22:28.611 --> 00:22:32.515
<v Speaker 2>When is that?

00:22:32.796 --> 00:22:33.596
<v Speaker 3>transition time.

00:22:33.596 --> 00:22:34.758
<v Speaker 3>Do you need to set those boundaries?

00:22:34.758 --> 00:22:42.945
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so, if you really understand how powerful this is and transition time it may it doesn't need to take 30 minutes, for some people it may take a few minutes.

00:22:42.945 --> 00:22:44.528
<v Speaker 3>And I'll give you a prime example.

00:22:44.528 --> 00:22:47.830
<v Speaker 3>Because that's such a great question, because how many people are working from home now?

00:22:47.830 --> 00:23:05.633
<v Speaker 3>Sometimes, when I'm working in my office and I'm done working now and I want to be present for my wife or even present for my little fur babies, a great place for me for transition time Michael is in the bathroom.

00:23:05.653 --> 00:23:06.654
<v Speaker 2>In the bathroom, the show's over.

00:23:06.654 --> 00:23:09.339
<v Speaker 2>Everybody's doing a great show.

00:23:09.339 --> 00:23:10.663
<v Speaker 2>Thank you very much, Thank you.

00:23:10.663 --> 00:23:11.707
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for coming.

00:23:13.795 --> 00:23:31.071
<v Speaker 3>And that transition time sometimes for me is just going to that, because there's nobody there to interrupt me and maybe I'll watch an inspiring video or maybe I'll you know take a, take a quick shower or I'll wash my face or I'll do something to transition where I'm moving from one thing of focus to the next.

00:23:31.674 --> 00:23:34.384
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I think that's that's a great tip.

00:23:34.384 --> 00:23:40.228
<v Speaker 2>Even if you are, you both work from home, whatever the case may be, just find that time.

00:23:40.228 --> 00:23:41.597
<v Speaker 2>And you know something else.

00:23:41.597 --> 00:23:48.720
<v Speaker 2>If I can just throw in there when you ask your wife or your husband, whatever, hey, so you're struggling, how can I support you?

00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:52.905
<v Speaker 2>It comes from a different way than what's the matter with you, kind of thing.

00:23:52.905 --> 00:23:57.721
<v Speaker 2>I just, you know, from back in my mind, it just it just came forward and I thought it was important to kind of share.

00:23:57.721 --> 00:24:00.967
<v Speaker 2>I was called to do that, so you want to speak to that a little bit.

00:24:01.807 --> 00:24:06.740
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, words do matter, michael.

00:24:06.740 --> 00:24:08.448
<v Speaker 3>As you know, words do matter.

00:24:08.448 --> 00:24:31.048
<v Speaker 3>And here's another thing that, unfortunately, men don't realize that they're doing when they're using words that shut the light of their ladies, which is, women are designed their superpowers, their emotions, and unfortunately, society has brought them up to make their emotions wrong, to not be, not feel, to make it seem like it's weak or that it will overwhelm men.

00:24:31.048 --> 00:24:37.958
<v Speaker 3>And in today's world, a lot of times I see men, you're so emotional, stop being so emotional, calm down.

00:24:37.958 --> 00:24:46.317
<v Speaker 3>And when they use words like that, what they don't realize that they're doing is that's their radiance, that's their grace, that's their feminine storm.

00:24:46.317 --> 00:25:06.458
<v Speaker 3>And when we constantly shut that down, they move into their masculine, which now, at best, if you want, if you're an intimate relationship, you're just going to be roommates, because if you're both in your masculine, you will be together, but roommates, business partners, not necessarily lovers, and so the polarity of a relationship is what brings the intimacy.

00:25:07.179 --> 00:25:23.642
<v Speaker 3>So instead, here's what I highly recommend for our warriors, which is we call the men because there is a war going on when it comes to breaking up the family, putting down the man, distracting the woman, I mean all kinds of stuff.

00:25:23.642 --> 00:25:25.486
<v Speaker 3>We can go on and on and on.

00:25:25.486 --> 00:25:34.338
<v Speaker 3>So right now, the world demands warriors, warriors that fight for truth, fight for their families, fight for their ladies to protect and to provide.

00:25:34.338 --> 00:25:40.309
<v Speaker 3>And so, for us, a healthy, masculine man is the defender of the vulnerable.

00:25:40.309 --> 00:25:42.179
<v Speaker 3>Defender of the vulnerable.

00:25:42.179 --> 00:25:50.926
<v Speaker 3>So, if you're a warrior listening today and you're in a relationship, I'm going to give you a relationship hack that can change your life, and here's how simple it is.

00:25:52.296 --> 00:25:58.465
<v Speaker 3>Instead of shutting your woman's emotions down, what if, three times a day, you asked your lady emotions down?

00:25:58.465 --> 00:26:09.428
<v Speaker 3>What if, three times a day, you asked your lady hey, babe, can you tell me how you feel right now, not what you think, but tell me how you feel, what emotions are showing up.

00:26:09.428 --> 00:26:16.087
<v Speaker 3>The more you help lead her into her emotions and her feelings, two things are going to happen.

00:26:16.087 --> 00:26:35.905
<v Speaker 3>Number one she's going to start opening up her heart, because most women, their heart is closed, even if you're in a long-term relationship, because of past unresolved hurts or betrayals or traumas, and so the more you can pierce her heart and pierce her soul, and the way to her heart is to helping her feel her emotions.

00:26:37.008 --> 00:26:37.996
<v Speaker 3>Tell me how you feel.

00:26:37.996 --> 00:26:40.561
<v Speaker 3>You ask that three times a day of your lady.

00:26:40.561 --> 00:26:44.239
<v Speaker 3>But let me warn you, in the beginning she's probably going to laugh at you.

00:26:44.239 --> 00:26:46.405
<v Speaker 3>In the beginning she's going to think you're crazy.

00:26:46.405 --> 00:26:49.101
<v Speaker 3>In the beginning she's probably going to come from her head.

00:26:49.101 --> 00:26:58.768
<v Speaker 3>But there's going to be a moment where all of a sudden you see the shift and make it your mission to help her feel and remember and feel her heart again.

00:26:59.595 --> 00:27:00.337
<v Speaker 2>I love it, man.

00:27:00.337 --> 00:27:03.144
<v Speaker 2>So much brilliance from one person.

00:27:03.144 --> 00:27:08.421
<v Speaker 2>Seriously, you do See, I told you there'd be multiple nuggets, it wouldn't just be one.

00:27:08.421 --> 00:27:17.202
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, as always, and we're getting a little low on time, so I do want to talk.

00:27:17.202 --> 00:27:20.717
<v Speaker 2>I think it really goes into what you were just talking about as well, but I want to bring up vulnerability for veterans.

00:27:20.717 --> 00:27:28.199
<v Speaker 2>You know you're conditioned, of course, to be strong, figured out yourself, not to show vulnerability, not to ask for help, all these things.

00:27:28.199 --> 00:27:29.340
<v Speaker 2>You know, we know the patterns.

00:27:29.340 --> 00:27:43.868
<v Speaker 2>So what are some tips or thoughts that you could give to break that stigma in your own mind, if you will, let alone out in the world, but break it in your own mind to be more vulnerable for your partner?

00:27:44.775 --> 00:27:45.236
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

00:27:45.236 --> 00:28:00.987
<v Speaker 3>So you know, a big part of a relationship is to make sure your partner knows that you care, and one way you can express how you care is to we call it a covenant conversation.

00:28:00.987 --> 00:28:02.407
<v Speaker 3>This is where we do it once a week, yvette and I.

00:28:02.407 --> 00:28:17.522
<v Speaker 3>This is where we come together, where it's just us having a conversation about something that's meaningful.

00:28:17.522 --> 00:28:23.804
<v Speaker 3>And a lot of times those conversations go into maybe something that's happened in the past that I just want to share with her, that I've never told anybody.

00:28:23.804 --> 00:28:30.727
<v Speaker 3>Maybe it's something that's happened this week that I was ashamed of or I was fearful of, that I want to share with her.

00:28:31.596 --> 00:28:34.780
<v Speaker 3>When you build in depth because think about what intimacy is.

00:28:34.780 --> 00:28:55.782
<v Speaker 3>What separates an intimate relationship from every other relationship is intimacy, and we've interviewed so many couples, and especially women over the years women over the years and the number one thing that they yearn for more than anything is a deeper soul connection with their partner.

00:28:55.782 --> 00:28:56.285
<v Speaker 3>And how do you build?

00:28:56.285 --> 00:28:59.877
<v Speaker 3>That is being vulnerable, is opening up yourself to your partner.

00:28:59.877 --> 00:29:00.759
<v Speaker 3>But here's the challenge.

00:29:01.121 --> 00:29:09.317
<v Speaker 3>Even for men including myself in the past it's difficult, because sometimes we don't want to open up ourselves to be hurt because we've been hurt in the past?

00:29:09.317 --> 00:29:11.303
<v Speaker 3>And what if I tell her too much?

00:29:11.303 --> 00:29:13.106
<v Speaker 3>And what if she uses it against me?

00:29:13.106 --> 00:29:17.064
<v Speaker 3>Right, we get fear of what could potentially happen.

00:29:17.064 --> 00:29:18.748
<v Speaker 3>But what's the other side of that?

00:29:18.748 --> 00:29:22.766
<v Speaker 3>You're also blocking out that deep soul connection that you both yearn for.

00:29:22.766 --> 00:29:28.288
<v Speaker 3>So is it worth taking a risk of opening up yourself, especially to your partner?

00:29:28.288 --> 00:29:31.499
<v Speaker 3>Worth taking a risk of opening up yourself, especially to your partner?

00:29:31.499 --> 00:29:35.147
<v Speaker 3>Because if you go first, chances are she'll also open up and you'll have a much deeper connection with your partner.

00:29:35.714 --> 00:29:37.499
<v Speaker 2>Man, beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

00:29:37.499 --> 00:29:37.880
<v Speaker 2>I love it.

00:29:37.880 --> 00:29:41.468
<v Speaker 2>So we're going to blow past time, but that's okay.

00:29:41.468 --> 00:29:43.397
<v Speaker 2>We own the joint.

00:29:44.119 --> 00:29:45.343
<v Speaker 3>That's right, You're the boss buddy.

00:29:45.343 --> 00:29:46.487
<v Speaker 3>You have great questions, Michael.

00:29:47.316 --> 00:29:47.877
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate it.

00:29:47.877 --> 00:29:49.342
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate it Honestly.

00:29:49.342 --> 00:29:52.817
<v Speaker 2>I could just sit here and talk for probably three days In September.

00:29:52.817 --> 00:29:56.137
<v Speaker 2>We'll do it then so really quick.

00:29:56.137 --> 00:30:02.269
<v Speaker 2>So let's go ahead and move into the three tips for veterans to move, help them move further faster.

00:30:02.269 --> 00:30:06.538
<v Speaker 2>So if you can do three tips, yeah, three tips.

00:30:06.558 --> 00:30:08.726
<v Speaker 3>I think I'll reinforce what we talked about.

00:30:08.726 --> 00:30:10.096
<v Speaker 3>Three tips yeah, three tips.

00:30:10.096 --> 00:30:11.219
<v Speaker 3>I think I'll reinforce what we talked about.

00:30:11.219 --> 00:30:12.401
<v Speaker 3>Number one is human instinct, human spirit.

00:30:12.401 --> 00:30:14.505
<v Speaker 3>Start to access your human spirit.

00:30:15.066 --> 00:30:23.358
<v Speaker 3>One of the ways we teach our warriors and queens to get more access to your human spirit is to start identifying what depletes your energy tank.

00:30:23.358 --> 00:30:33.146
<v Speaker 3>Right, there are things that we do that deplete our energy tank, like watching too much of the news, not drinking enough water, not exercising, not praying, whatever it is.

00:30:33.146 --> 00:30:37.846
<v Speaker 3>There's things that we know that we do over drinking that deplete our tank.

00:30:37.846 --> 00:30:45.017
<v Speaker 3>When we have a depleted tank, we're usually going to be in survival mode, which means we're going to be reacting to everything that happens in our relationship.

00:30:45.017 --> 00:30:56.496
<v Speaker 3>And then identify what are the things that fill your tank, what are the top 10 things that, when you do this, your tank is so full that you're at this level we call energy rich.

00:30:57.017 --> 00:31:07.784
<v Speaker 3>Filling your tank, exercising, rebounding, reading a good book, watching an inspiring movie, having a great conversation with somebody, going, being of service to somebody.

00:31:07.784 --> 00:31:10.757
<v Speaker 3>What are the top 10 things that fill your tank?

00:31:10.757 --> 00:31:15.763
<v Speaker 3>Identify them and then here's the secret Do them Every day.

00:31:15.763 --> 00:31:21.958
<v Speaker 3>Do the things that fill your tank.

00:31:21.958 --> 00:31:24.464
<v Speaker 3>You're going to have more access to human spirit.

00:31:24.464 --> 00:31:31.507
<v Speaker 3>Tip number two remember hold her basket, ask her to share, ask her to open up.

00:31:31.507 --> 00:31:39.400
<v Speaker 3>You'd be amazed on how she starts to soften up and open up to you, just because communication is such a big thing for our queens.

00:31:39.400 --> 00:31:41.887
<v Speaker 3>And then the last thing is honor transition time.

00:31:41.887 --> 00:31:48.316
<v Speaker 3>Identify an honor transition time and if you do those three things, I'm just telling you relationships are going to be much better.

00:31:48.997 --> 00:31:49.919
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely fantastic.

00:31:49.919 --> 00:31:50.641
<v Speaker 2>Love the tips.

00:31:50.641 --> 00:31:52.665
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, man, as always.

00:31:52.665 --> 00:31:54.857
<v Speaker 2>Well, first of all, how do people reach you guys?

00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:56.561
<v Speaker 3>They can.

00:31:56.561 --> 00:31:59.596
<v Speaker 3>Actually, I'd like to offer your community a free gift.

00:31:59.596 --> 00:32:06.845
<v Speaker 3>We have our Warriors and Queens three steps toinary Relationship.

00:32:06.845 --> 00:32:11.411
<v Speaker 3>So if you go to warriorsandqueenscom forward, slash three steps.

00:32:11.411 --> 00:32:14.403
<v Speaker 3>Warriorsandqueenscom forward, slash three steps.

00:32:14.403 --> 00:32:16.061
<v Speaker 3>The number three and then steps.

00:32:16.061 --> 00:32:18.944
<v Speaker 3>It is a master course that we created.

00:32:18.944 --> 00:32:24.221
<v Speaker 3>It's got three rock solid videos that'll help you in having an extraordinary relationship.

00:32:24.221 --> 00:32:31.365
<v Speaker 3>Now those three videos are there and we also have an ebook for you that you can download, which has a lot of the content that I'm sharing here.

00:32:31.365 --> 00:32:34.557
<v Speaker 3>Any one of these frameworks can transform your relationship.

00:32:34.557 --> 00:32:37.586
<v Speaker 3>So to your community, michael, that is a free gift from Yvette and I.

00:32:37.586 --> 00:32:40.982
<v Speaker 3>She can't wait to be on one of these with you guys.

00:32:40.982 --> 00:32:42.406
<v Speaker 3>Hopefully on the next one she'll be here.

00:32:42.406 --> 00:32:44.818
<v Speaker 3>But Warriors and Queens a free gift.

00:32:45.460 --> 00:32:45.820
<v Speaker 2>Awesome.

00:32:45.820 --> 00:32:46.501
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much.

00:32:46.501 --> 00:32:48.484
<v Speaker 2>I mean that's more than generous.

00:32:48.484 --> 00:32:52.460
<v Speaker 2>And, ladies and gentlemen, take advantage of this opportunity.

00:32:52.460 --> 00:32:55.086
<v Speaker 2>Don't just say, oh, I'll look at it later.

00:32:55.086 --> 00:32:55.836
<v Speaker 2>Click on it now.

00:32:55.836 --> 00:33:00.410
<v Speaker 2>Go check it out, because Dave and Yvette have changed the game they truly have.

00:33:00.410 --> 00:33:06.821
<v Speaker 2>So honor yourself by doing something for yourself and your queen, if you will, or your warrior.

00:33:06.821 --> 00:33:08.104
<v Speaker 2>So thank you so much.

00:33:08.104 --> 00:33:12.349
<v Speaker 2>So, on that note, ladies and gentlemen, we are out of here.

00:33:13.496 --> 00:33:14.740
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much, Michael.

00:33:14.740 --> 00:33:15.923
<v Speaker 3>See you guys next time.

00:33:16.895 --> 00:33:23.359
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.

00:33:23.359 --> 00:33:27.020
<v Speaker 1>We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.

00:33:27.020 --> 00:33:33.986
<v Speaker 1>To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.

00:33:33.986 --> 00:33:38.582
<v Speaker 1>Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.

00:33:38.582 --> 00:33:43.661
<v Speaker 1>Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.

00:33:43.661 --> 00:33:45.365
<v Speaker 1>Catch you on the next episode.