Dating High Achievers and Big Earners with Amy Andersen, "The Cupid of Silicon Valley"

Robin Fisher Roffer: A lot of men are confused. Like men are legitimately confused in terms of how to act, how to court. mean, do women even want courtship anymore? Especially from kind of the, I'd say the residual aftermath of the Me Too movement where, you know, just those gender roles and behavior in the workplace, all those things got really, I'd say, confused and scary for people because they just, you know, don't want any complicating factors. I think that has trickled over into kind of just dating. in general. So I tell my couples, I would say first and foremost, mean generally we do things that are going to be more traditional here. So for the first date, gentleman pays, you he makes the woman feel special and genuinely wants to do that. I do have standards for these guys just saying listen I want you I want you to call her, introduce yourself, be a gentleman, be a good guy, know, allow her to kind of surrender into her feminine energy. These are hardworking women. They don't necessarily want to be the man and have to like pursue you. I mean, nobody wants to do that. Welcome to Plenty of Husbands podcast for women who are older, wiser, and hotter. This is where we inspire women to in midlife to believe they can love again. Now I'm your host. I'm Robin Fisher-Roffer. Now let's meet our beautiful guest. I'm so excited to meet you. Today we have a truly special guest and her name is Amy Anderson. She's the founder and CEO of Lynx Dating. better known as the Cupid of Silicon Valley. And as the global leader in premier matchmaking, she has dedicated over two decades to connecting high achieving individuals. And that's what we're going to zero in on in today's podcast, who are marriage minded. Let's say that again, they're high achieving Amy and they're marriage minded. Love that. Okay, she's based in that vibrant San Francisco Bay area, which I love, and I'm going for my ninth anniversary with my sweetheart, so I cannot wait. Amy, you've become the go-to matchmaker for discerning professionals, and you started this as a local practice. It's blossomed into a global brand, a global brand, all while staying rooted in this innovative spirit of Silicon Valley. Now, I... have really looked into you and I am in love with you already. You are absolutely my soulmate in helping women in midlife find love. You have these thoroughly researched methods and I want to get into those. You have this incredible keen intuition and that allows you to have this matchmaking approach that's art meets science. And I see that you're elite. are wanting to forge lasting connections that bring them peace and balance and acceptance to their lives. Something they haven't experienced before. And like me, Amy, you, I know that you firmly believe that everyone deserves to find love and to be loved. So Amy, welcome to plenty of husbands. Let's get into it. ⁓ Robin, thank you so much. That was an incredible introduction. I am deeply humbled being here, and I'm just... So excited to just dive right in and chat all things love, relationships, romance, dating in midlife, and so many great topics to cover. We really need to have probably five hours to cover this. We're to try to do it within 30 minutes because our ladies are busy, right? And we want to give them the essence of what they need to know. So first I just wanted to ask what inspired you to start Lynx dating? How did your journey in matchmaking begin? Absolutely. Well, I've always been very entrepreneurial. So from the time I was a little kid, I was doing entrepreneurial endeavors or at least attempting to do that. And for me, in terms of Lynx dating, my journey really started when I was initially living in Silicon Valley. So right kind of in the heart and center of like Palo Alto, I was in a serious relationship at the time with somebody who was about 10 years my senior. And I was all of a sudden living with this guy in love with him and really looking at kind of the lay of the land in Silicon Valley and recognizing that I was networking with a lot of his male friends and a lot of his male friends were like him, highly educated, accomplished, a lot of men in venture capital. entrepreneurs, founders and CEOs, yet all of his friends were extremely single and they were all single. And so they would lament to me about their lonely lives and they're like, Amy, where are the women? Set me up, hook me up. And I was like, why are these like seemingly successful guys struggling? So I just kind of like put that in my mind, in my back pocket and kind of went about my life. And I saw something very similar actually with a lot of my female friends up in San Francisco. So a lot of my female friends were like these men in Silicon Valley, super well-educated, dynamic, well-rounded, professionals, physically attractive, all the things like truly whole package women. And they literally could not identify where the good marriage minded men were. So that was my light bulb moment, kind of that aha moment. I thought to myself, what if I were to bridge the gap and create these opportunities for these two respective demographics that are only something like 40 miles away from one another? So that was really the genesis of Lynx dating, identifying these demographics in the San Francisco Bay Area market, supply meets demand, opportunity in front of me. Frankly, I couldn't believe that nobody had done this. I was like, ⁓ my gosh, I got it by the domain right now. It's brilliant. I love it. And you became that person. And obviously there's something about you that your boyfriend at the time, single friends, thought she gets me. She understands what I'm going to need. I'm going to go to her to see if she has anybody for me to meet. So there's this. wisdom, even at that young age about you, there was a groundedness, there was a credibility that you projected that gave them the cue that to work with you. So what are some of the unique challenges of men like that that are high achieving? Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of different challenges. But I would say, especially in Silicon Valley, I mean, Time is everything and just finding the time to kind of dedicate to finding the right partner and a partner who is at their level is important as well. Somebody who's going to bring levity to their life, somebody who is not going to be kind of threatened by their success or vice versa. think that it's really hard. mean, in Silicon Valley and elsewhere, people work all the time. And so, you know, now we are flooded and innovated. with so many different choices of kind of resources for finding individuals. So it's really hard for people to kind of be able to carve out the time and then also find somebody at their level or somebody that's just gonna inspire them that they wanna spend that quality time with. And then also I would say privacy is a big issue as well. idea of kind of having to create a public persona vis-a-vis a dating app or, you know, match.com online. I mean, certainly people do it, but it comes with its own kind of inherent risks, right? Just having that kind of exposure is say less than desirable. So you kind of put all these different factors together for a high achieving man in Silicon Valley. And it's It's difficult. also think the older somebody gets, and when I say older, that could be frankly mid-30s, people start to marry off, they move out of the area, whatever their circumstances are. The available kind of social networks that were once plentiful with resources, those start to dwindle down. And so you have a shrinking of resources, limited time, privacy is a concern, your bar is high, you're not going to settle. It's kind of like, where to even start? And this is very true, very similar sentiment to the women that I'm working with as well. It's very challenging. the women you're working with, a lot of them are high earners as well. And they might be worried about somebody dating them just for their money or somebody dating them just to be seen with them or to show up at events with them and make connections for themselves. It must be hard to sift out the real ones from the fake ones. Yes, for sure. absolutely a legitimate concern of so many women that I work with of all ages in all different circumstances, right? I have one woman I represent who's very successful in tech. And I mean, she really wants to meet somebody who's out of tech because at the end of the day, she doesn't want to have to talk about work with her honey. And so finding somebody outside of that kind of professional domain is important, but also somebody who's not going to be threatened by her education and she happens to be extremely smart and it's not off-putting, but it really takes a specific type of guy who's going to just have a lot of confidence and find that incredibly sexy and not anything that's threatening, but also she happens to have a substantial net worth. And so my job, kind of really the human part of this is to weed out those mismatch and we do that through a really significant process of screening, questions, meet and greets, all those things that really begin to kind of align value sets from the very beginning. And that's super important. There's so many different layers we implement in the preliminary stages to really protect our clients before any matches are made. So they know When I present somebody to them before they have even said yes, they know that individual has been thoroughly vetted. They've gone through our system here. We've witted out the mismatches, you know, anybody who just even can't show up on time for the call, let's say, or they're not willing to commit the time to complete some screening questions, whatever it is. And then we're really cherry picking the gems presenting those. So the client feels really seen. protected, heard, safe, all those important things. So it's worth their time as well. One of the things I'm really interested in is how the woman in that situation figures out who's paying for dinner. And then as they get down the line, maybe they move in together, who's paying the mortgage? In the traditional role of a 20th century woman, the man is taking care of these things. I think some women of my generation believe even though they may be making more money than the guy, that they still should be treated. And I'm wondering, and I have no judgment either way. I'm just so curious now about what is happening in the world of dating and what's appropriate. Yeah. I think it's a mixed bag to be honest. mean, I think first and foremost, a lot of men are confused. Like men are legitimately confused in terms of how to act, how to court. I mean, do women even want courtship anymore? especially from kind of the, I'd say the residual aftermath of the Me Too movement where, you know, just those gender roles and behavior in the workplace, all those things got really, I'd say, confused and scary for people because they just, you know, don't want any complicating factors. I think that has trickled over into kind of just dating in general. So I tell my couples, well, I would say first and foremost, mean, generally we do things that are gonna be more traditional here. So for the first date, gentlemen pays, he makes the woman feel special and genuinely wants to do that. I do have standards for these guys just saying, listen, I want you, when the match is made, I want you to call her, introduce yourself, be a gentleman, be a good guy, allow her to kind of surrender into her feminine energy. These are hardworking women. don't necessarily want to be the man and have to like pursue you. mean, nobody wants to do that. And so for the first date, please treat her and take her out for a dinner date. Now, with that said, dinner dates are not for everybody. I have learned that even though that is kind of the links, you know, mantra and kind of standards of what I would call old world courtship and romance, kind of what our grandparents probably did. that sentiment and philosophy, but some people are not comfortable with that because it feels a little formal to them. And so as an example, the client I was explaining who's the high achieving woman in tech, her preference is actually kind of let's grab a coffee, let's do something like a stroll in the park or along the beach or something that's a little bit more chill and relaxed and see if those sparks happen. So in that case, kind of who pays, mean, hopefully he'll... buy her latte. ⁓ But if not, you know, that's a little, you know, maybe a little flag. And so for any woman listening, I tell everybody be really intentional about how you date. And I want you to take pen to paper after each date, every phone call you have with somebody, a FaceTime, an in-person encounter, a date, and really just think about kind of how you're feeling. How does he make you feel? green flags, any potential red flags, and after say two, three, four dates, take multiple steps back and then you can really assess and determine is it worth it to continue going or is it time to kind of cut your losses and move on and you know just close the loop in a gracious lady-like way. and focus on somebody else who's gonna really light up your life. Oh, I love that advice. That's amazing. I was telling you before our call that I moved in with my guy about five years ago and found the love of my life at 55 after three divorces. yes, everyone, it is possible. And you know, he was a high achiever, a high earner. deciding who pays for what and how that works. We finally, I think, figured out a good way to do it. It is different for everyone. And I think the main thing is honesty. Yes. And really saying what your expectations are so you don't, you know, X him out because he didn't. He maybe thought being complimentary to you was having you get to pick up the check. Who knows what he's thinking? It's communication, I think. 100%. That is really kind of the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. And so I actually, to your point, I tell all of my couples, especially in the early stages where it's blossoming, it's not necessarily a formed relationship yet. And this could even be five dates in. Actually, it's better to do this sooner rather than later, but put all the important, what I call sticky icky topics on the table. And that a big one, a big one about that is finances and just start talking about it and digesting it. And there is a very strong possibility that you both are going to have maybe different relationships with money, a different kind of collective set of experiences, some traumas around this, right? But I do believe that the right person is going to listen. digest might not necessarily agree, but continue to communicate with you, kind of take time to kind of work through those more serious topics, sticky, uncomfortable ones that we all like to kind of shove under the rug, and talk about that to figure out like if you are a good long-term match, right? And can you work through your differences? Can you compromise perhaps? And that could be about, you know, if we're moving in together, What's that gonna look like? Who's paying the mortgage? Who's paying the rent? Actually, I'll share a story right now. So one of my darling newly engaged couples, they are both widow and widower. So they're in their mid-sixties. Just a tremendously fantastic couple, both very successful individuals. He has his own beautiful place of residence in San Francisco. She has a beautiful place that she loves, that is her happy place. her home in Marin County in California. And it's really been kind of them trying to figure out, you know, where are we going to move? we buy a new place together or do we rent or do I, you know, does she move into his place? And she decided she's not comfortable moving into his place because that was the home he shared with his late wife. And it just has a whole, of course, set of memories and things that she's not necessarily comfortable with. And her place is, you know, her kind of haven, her happy nest that she basically largely built and raised her kids in. And so it has now become kind of part of their conversation of how are they going to navigate this? And they've basically landed in a place based on one of her dear friends and her dear friend's boyfriend that moved in with her friend that her now her fiance is going to contribute rent. So to basically help kind of pay off the mortgage. And so that way, you know, she feels good about things and she's not stressed. He feels good about things and it feels a little bit more equitable in that regard. that's interesting. You should say that because I did it. I recorded an episode earlier this ⁓ month about living separately. each person keeping their own house, but being together and committed for life. And there are, this is a trend. I love that actually. I think, and paying some rent for the other house, I think that to make it equitable is really, really wise. it is like one friend of mine is more of a hoarder and her boyfriend is fastidious and neat as a pen and OCD-ish. And so they've just decided to have separate places, but They are completely committed and there's paperwork around that and all, but I think it's such an interesting thing. Cause when you get older, you're kind of set in a lot of ways. And especially in a widower situation where the home was maybe even where the wife died. You don't want to live there, but he's really connected to it. instead of judging him, love him, and then choose to have a different kind of lifestyle. think we get to make all kinds of choices now that we're older and not having children. Yes, 100%. And I think that you don't have to really subscribe to different social norms or ⁓ what kind of society says. Eight, create the life that you want. You can do that, but to your point, you got to communicate that. Put out there those hopes and dreams and see if your respective partner or whoever you're dating would be willing to do that, right? I think it's exciting and frankly that kind of relationship where both individuals keep their own place of residence when they're together, it's incredible, it's magical, might be like the secret to the universe actually. It could be and he told her I think on the second date that that's... what he would want in the future. So to your point, getting it on the table quickly and it didn't stop her. went, you know, that could work for me actually. Exactly. The other thing that came up for me is when I first started dating Brian, my sweetheart, he had kids at home still. And I had my daughter home, they were seniors. He would have dinner with his children. I would have dinner and then I would bring, I would make an extra iron skillet full of food and I would bring it over after dinner. for him so that because they wouldn't eat, you know, what kind of food they wanted to eat. And so he would take me out to dinner on our dates when we had our dates. And then I would bring over as my equitable part, like a home cooked meal for him. And I would do that once a week, you know, and let him know I'm here, I'm in your life. And he loved it. Or I would bring him breakfast in the morning after the kids went to school and we could have a little cuddle time. So I think there are ways of absolutely ways of showing love. Yes. You know, without it being money necessarily. Right. and your heart is what they want. Absolutely. Talking about their heart, I want, let's, I haven't asked any about anybody on this, any of my guests, but I have a feeling you're going to have a good answer. How soon did somebody sleep with their You know, how many dates do you know, the old rule was, think when I was growing up, about the third day, it's okay, right? Because now certain circles, some say never until you're married. But I'm saying in my world, you could sleep with them on the third date and you were still in good graces. You're gonna, he might ask you to marry him. It wouldn't negate that. You could even, back in the 70s, probably on the first date and still get married. But what is it today? I don't have any idea. I haven't been dating for nine years. What's the norms these days? Well, outside of the world of links, anything goes, right? That's what I call dating in the wild, kind of like this leopard print shirt here. It's just like, it's chaotic, you know? There are certain expectations around intimacy from the rise of all the dating apps where kind of those traditional rules and roles have really fallen to the wayside for sure. And I think the challenge with that is, know, the women who arrive to the equation with dating apps who are more traditional and who want to wait and all of those good things and don't sleep with a man until there's exclusivity and having the conversation verbally. You know, when they meet men on dating apps, like a lot of these guys are kind of expecting, I'd say on the sometimes the first, second or third date that that's gonna happen. And so that woman, she's not willing to kind of go there or do that or even kind of entertain that, these guys will move on to an easier target because that's what the world of dating apps has really kind of allowed, right? Within the confines of this controlled environment that I call Lynx, kind of the world at Lynx Dating, if I had my magic wand, I would say that, I mean, certainly when it feels right, but... You do it when you're exclusive, right? And maybe exclusivity is because it's just so obvious for both of you, the third date, maybe it's the fifth date, whatever feels right. But the key ladies is you must first verbally have the conversation defining what this is. Don't assume just because you're spending that quality time together, you're flirting, you're having great make-outs, all the things that you're exclusive. till you both actually communicate, back to your point, communicate and kind of put that on the table, those intentions and desires. And I do believe that there's certainly the right guy, even if he really wants to like sleep with you early on, and let's say it's just a much more accelerated pace, then you're ready to go. The right man, who's a gentleman, will respect your wishes. You might be frustrated, for sure, and kind of like, Really, I have to wait another 10 dates, but the right guy will respect you and respect that and wait. The wrong guy will move on. think this is such amazing advice. What I heard you say was have a conversation first, find out what this is, and make sure it's exclusive. I don't think young women are doing that these days. ⁓ goodness, no. Yeah, no, not at all. Not at all. People are shocked. Just when I say, did you have the conversation? They're like, what do you mean? I'm like, did you communicate that you're exclusive? No, no, no, we're exclusive. I'm like, but you probably did not have that conversation. You're assuming you are, but you're really not. For all you know, he's sleeping with two other people, right? And they're like, oh, I didn't even think about that. I'm like, duh. So it's very important to kind of have that conversation. Many of the millennials and other generations, I mean, there's so many, they are Definitely not doing that. they are, I mean, it's a hookup, definitely a hookup culture for sure. And the girls feel like I hooked up, I slept over and he didn't call me. And then they beat themselves up because I slept over. And then when they don't get called, when they don't sleep over and he doesn't call, they say, ⁓ I should have slept with him. He probably wanted that. It's like this lose lose. And I think it's very tough. for young girls. we're older now, we're wiser now, we're hotter now. And we can wait and they can wait. And I think you're right, a real gentleman, you want to make sure your heart is tender. It's been broken and you get to a certain age over 50, it's been broken. And you don't want and you you want this is one of the greatest ways to safeguard it. Yeah, think it's what you're recommending. So what do women get wrong on the way to that finish line to saying, do, what are some of the things they do, especially with these high earners that get them in trouble? Well, one big thing I think is just not leaning into treating a date like a date and treating it almost like a business deal. So just not flirting, right? Just like you did, like I'm touching my hair. This is what you need to do. Like as simple as that and like physically lean in, give him affirmations. Like if you're enjoying his company on the first date, these guys are adorably clueless. I mean, their brains are so different than ours. Black and white, ours are black, white, gray, so many different emotions. So it's really important to remember the context, what you're doing, why you're there. And to remember, again, I mean, for, don't know if any men listen to your podcast, but no offense to any guys listening, but they really are basic creatures. It's important to remember and kind of get in their mind. You know, they really, find that they, used to say they categorized us into three buckets, but it's really almost four buckets now that I've thought about things. So in the context of a first date, men will put women into a bucket of friendship. a bucket of business, kind of business dealings, a bucket of sec, and a bucket of kind of future partner, romance, future, you know, fiance, wife bucket, maybe mother of his children. So we need to remember the environment, the context, the purpose, and why they are there, and really get intentional with it, and put in the hard work to prepare for this. So if somebody's listening who might be a little bit more of an anxious dater, like thinking about what is gonna put you into that kind of chilled out mindset where you actually adopt a way of thinking where you really look forward to this because it should be fun. It should be really something to kind of treat yourself to and enjoy and see if this person makes you feel good, right? But you must remember why you're there. So if you go in, stressed or you're rushing from work and you're talking about, you know, real estate or different stocks you just bought or sold. Business bucket, if you're not flirting or, you know, doing this sort of thing or, you know, touching your neck, you know, friendship. Right? Yeah. And if you are so, like, overly sexy and kind of giving that signal, probably sex right then and there bucket, right? And maybe that's what you want and God bless you. if that's what you want. But if you want something more, where you're looking for a partner that could be for the long haul at whatever life stage, whatever age you're in, the important thing is to really figure out kind of how to land in that bucket. And I would say it starts with flirting. It starts with coming up with a few key topics that you feel really passionate about and almost like an expert about. outside of, I'd say outside of kids, if you have kids, outside of work, if you're still working, things that fuel you and stimulate you come in interesting person that he wants to keep getting to know that he's leaning in. And during the day, you're then giving affirmations verbally and non-verbally. And that would be as simple as let's say he takes you to a lovely little Italian restaurant you've never been to. You're feeling pretty, you're in this new little dress that you got. Something kind of like, you know what, I'm leaning in and I'm giving a compliment. Thank you so much for taking me here. I've never been here, but this is really fun. I didn't really know what to expect, but you're making me feel good and you make me laugh. I love that quality in you. You gave him that affirmation and also an opening to continue getting to know you and really kind of almost have that permission to ask you out for a second date. No guy wants to be rejected. And the nonverbal part could be at some point, just touch his arm. You know, just do something kind of again, that signal that you're interested just even in proximity, just basic body language, really important. These are amazing tips. I love it. Give him a compliment. Just, I like where you took me. you know, let him get, touch him in an appropriate moment on the arm. Nothing, just to let him know that you're there, you're warm, you're a kind person. I think women sometimes, particularly after they've been hurt, they're gonna withhold love. They're going to be interviewing, they're going to be like a detective. It's very unsexy. And they don't wanna give compliments, because they don't wanna give their power away. And all of this withholding of love. is actually not generous. It's not kind. And the two things that women want the most in a man is generosity and kindness. They've done research on this. I'm sure you know this, So if we don't bring generosity and kindness, and I don't mean, again, you're not picking up every tab. It could be just, again, bringing him a skillet full of lovely food, whatever, or being kind to his mother that you meet for the first time. There's just little things that you can do, right? That don't cost you. They don't give your power away, they actually create a powerful connection. I really think we've, a lot of us have lost the art of being loving and warm. And that is, that's when we get so involved at work and we're masculine forward in business. And we bring that into a date and we forget that we're there now to be feminine and to receive. Yes, yes, exactly. Well, and I think, you know, I'm thinking about one of my other clients who came out of a long-term marriage and she had been really hurt, like really, really, really hurt and betrayed. And so I think her challenge has been just learning to flirt, but she also, think there's a lot of women who feel that if they do that, it diminishes their worth, their smarts, their education, their success. It's really about balancing those energies. the feminine and the masculine. And also, like if women listening really do like that wonderful kind of polarity and dichotomy between a man, a masculine man and a feminine woman, then remember kind of who you are, right? And really lean into that, right? And also I think, you know, for the early stages of dating, just give yourself some grace. Like a lot of people put so much pressure on themselves. and just heavy expectations. Just pump the brakes a little bit and again, try to embrace the journey and not rush through it. Again, pen to paper, keeping yourself busy. Have a few different guys that you're dating and then decide. Don't go all in so soon with one person. You don't wanna put all your eggs in one basket, that's for sure. I love that advice, because so often we have one good date and then we're just waiting for him to call. My coach tells me I wait for no one. I love that mantra. I wait for no one. Keep moving. Keep going on dates. Live your life. Live your life. So what advice do you have to give individuals who are struggling to find love who have those demanding careers? You talked about time at the beginning. How do they carve out time? Do they need to schedule it? They really do need to get a matchmaker because otherwise they're just wasting time going down the rabbit hole of swiping, right? Swiping, yeah, exactly. Well, I think it depends on kind of the timing for that individual and where she lands, right? Has she, you know, I think it also really crystallizes down to kind of the stage where kind of where she's at, right? Meaning, is she newly kind of transitional going through separation? into divorce, has she been divorced for some time, lost kind of after, you know, a loved one, wherever she is, or maybe she's never been married, right? She's kind of put love on the back burner to focus on her incredible professional accomplishments. And now she's arrived at the time where she feels really ready to find somebody. So I think first and foremost, Yeah, you definitely do have to treat it like a second job and it's gonna be work. It is gonna be an effort. You cannot sit on your butt thinking that he's gonna show up at your front door. I mean, you gotta get out there and work it, girl. And why am I, so I have a friend in my head who's saying to me right now, but why should I work it? I'm fine by myself. You know, I'm done with men. How do I convince them? How do you convince them to get back out there that actually having a companion and a partner is a good thing? What do you say to those women? Everybody deserves love and there's somebody out there for everybody, 100%. But you just have to make that effort. And I think that type of person, maybe it's just not the exact time for her to really think about that. But I really do believe. that after a few months or something or more conversations with you or seeing somebody else to be kind of inspired by, then they kind of reach that tipping point of like, okay, I'm gonna go down this process. I think to really treat it like a fun project, but in some cases, depending on life circumstances, especially for a woman who maybe really wants a baby, I see a lot of that in Silicon Valley and elsewhere, you gotta treat it like a second job. And so really thinking about your resources and beginning to, mean, the way that I work at Lynx is based on a very specific intake process. I start to build an archetype in my mind of the type of man that a female client would be looking for. I then stack another layer onto that thinking, okay, I have this kind of visual of this type of guy. Now, where is he going to be? So when he's not at work, when he's not running that tech company or venture capital company, where is he in his free time? So my advice would be to a single woman, begin centering yourself, putting yourself in those environments that is gonna substantially increase the odds. ⁓ Meeting some of these great guys that you might be interested in. you gotta be pretty clear, A, who you are, B, who you're looking for, C, where is he, D, look the part, look good. You gotta, you know, kind of, I'm not saying doll yourself up with so much makeup or anything like that, but you do have to put an effort in. know, men are incredibly visual. They are, right? They are. And you have to, you have to really recognize that. And so kind of get in better shape if you don't feel like you're looking great and get your hair blown out, whatever it is. to feel good when you're feeling good about yourself, you're gonna radiate that energy. People are gonna be attracted to that. They're gonna wanna be around you. Starts with a smile too, right? And my whole motto is just say hi. I tell everybody. Just say hi, I love that. Just say hi. It's like, it is as simple as that. If you are at the gym, a gym is a great place by the way to meet people and just a target rich environment to meet like-minded people who want to. Take care of their bodies, they're into wellness. So if there's a handsome guy there, walk up to him and just say hi. What can you lose? If he's not interested, fine, you got practice, right? You're learning how to kind of get into your groove and flirt a little bit. But it really starts with kind of setting yourself up for those opportunities and thinking about where those men are. Now with dating apps, this is a challenge for a lot of women. It's gonna be a lot of time swiping. Are there gonna be gems on there? For sure. Take an extra effort, yes. Can it be a waste of time? A thousand percent. And to really tread cautiously and carefully, don't meet anybody, don't have anybody pick you up at your home for just privacy, safety issues. Always meet somebody in public. Actually, before you even do that, I would say do a FaceTime. There's a lot of catfishes, a lot of deep fakes, so much missing from out there with creeps and... It's so scary. it starts with a FaceTime. If somebody can't do that, not your guy, cause he's hiding something or he's like AI bot. So you saved yourself a lot of time. idea of the FaceTime before and do not even go to the restaurant or the coffee shop without that FaceTime. No, because so many women fall into that trap where they will meet the guy and he's either a no show, then she's going to feel really crappy about herself because she got stood up. And then she's gonna go into that kind of rabbit hole of darkness and be like, ⁓ my God, all men are evil and bad people. And I'm just gonna resign to staying single the rest of my life. I don't want that to happen. So put those barriers of protection up, date intelligently, strategically and safely. And it starts with a simple FaceTime. Again, see how you feel. Even one of the great things is come up with five questions that you can ask these guys that you're meeting from apps or no online dating. and kind of weave them in very delicately into the conversation, not to interrogate them, not to kind of, as you mentioned, kind of interview them or grill them or anything like that. But you're going to just kind of lightly weave them in as part of your dating due diligence. You got to do this intelligently. And I'd say it's out of safety, but also protection of your time, protection of your heart. love this. So, but what about getting a matchmaker? What do women miss? if they don't get a matchmaker and they try to do it on their own, like you were saying, I understand time is a big issue. You save time with a matchmaker? Well, absolutely. It is for sure about saving a ton of time. I mean, my clients tell me that getting love right from the start is incredibly important. And it really starts with basically a high signal approach versus low signal, which would be kind of dating apps, kind of dating for the masses, no vetting, no kind of control mechanisms of individuals that could be good for you. So working with a matchmaker, one of the beautiful things about it is really the intake process where we are aligning those values from the beginning. And it is about carefully curating a very small pool of individuals. that are gonna be worth your time, right? And so it is about a very targeted, intelligent approach. So maybe a client's contract reads five, maybe eight, perhaps 10 total introductions, but these are so precise. They are bullseye introductions that really, frankly, could end up being the one in the very early stages. And so I'd say, ⁓ Hiring a matchmaker is great for women for many different reasons. Saving time, we're doing all the due diligence for them. It is giving them access to an incredibly curated pool of individuals that they're simply not gonna meet otherwise. Why? Different geographies, different social networks, different age demographics, mean, whatever it is. And also a massive part of my job actually occurs after I figure out the right introduction and it becomes the, I'd really call it kind of the strategy and the client's confidant. There is so much coaching. telling you Amy. I would love to. Right now I want to send at least five women to you. So I think, I think because what you're saying is it's not just about the saving time. It's not just about the curation. It's science plus the art. of intuition. A woman's intuition is her superpower. You are a superwoman with that superpower. Thank you. think you're now, yes, you're based in Silicon Valley, but you are global now. Yes. So if people want to get in touch with you, ⁓ how do they do that? I say, how do we? How do they? Your husband's like, babe, No, no, I'm good. was thinking, this is why I started this podcast, Amy. I want every woman to believe. that they can love again and not just love anyone, but love their compliment. It's more than a partner. It's more than a lover. It's more than a friend. It's the person who compliments and brings the best out of them. So Amy, I want you to be able to do that for the people I love and the people on this listening to this podcast or watching us right now. So how do they get in touch? Absolutely. So I have a very comprehensive website, which is linksdating.com. That's L-I-N-X. ⁓ That's a beautiful website. There's a lot of content there, a of information about kind my background, our process, the strategy that goes into that. And there's also an application form for women. And the fun thing too, for any women listening is we always will feature some of our key VIP male clients. women can read about these spectacular guys. mean, truly unicorns. just gems of men who are commitment and marriage minded. I've personally met them in person and just adore them and know that they are the real deal. And we give these women the opportunity to apply to meet them. I actually get all the applications myself. So I'm sifting through all those intake forms and I will contact any of the listeners who apply to meet the different VIPs if I think that she could be great for the client. So. Even for listeners, you never know. think life is filled with the most wondrous possibilities and it's so magical and exciting if you are willing to kind of walk through that door of possibilities. In life, you just never know. I'm so inspired by you. Well, all right, everyone. That's a wrap on today's episode. How could we leave on a higher note, Amy? That was beautiful. Thank you, Amy Anderson, for bringing us your wisdom. your vast experience and love and dating. Until next time, I'm your host, Robin Fisher-Roffer. I'm inspiring women who are older, wiser and hotter to believe that they can love again. See you next time. Thank you.