Star Wars: The Prequels! (Episodes I, II, & III)

00:00:00
Speaker 1: On the Bechdcast, the questions asked if movies have women in them, are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands or do they have individualism? It's the patriarchy, Zephyn Beast start changing with the Bechdelcast.

00:00:16
Speaker 2: Do do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do do do do. It's our Star Wars prequel episode.

00:00:28
Speaker 3: Wow, okay, okay, and that we did it.

00:00:30
Speaker 4: We did it. Welcome to beat Boop, Beet Boop.

00:00:34
Speaker 5: It is our Star Wars Important Caveat prequels episode. Yes, if you are listening to this episode, maybe you remember us talking about our tour that we took last fall where we covered all three Star Wars prequels in a live stage show looking absolutely fabulous, I might add, looking really real, conic good. Or maybe you were lucky enough to get to attend and hang out with us afterwards. But we are releasing this to the main feed today because frankly, we don't release live episodes often, but this was so much work to get ready for that we kind of refuse to not have it publicly available, because my god, was this a lot of prep?

00:01:22
Speaker 2: It sure was, so this is the audio from our Chicago show, and during our live shows, we tend to do a lot of like multi media things, so we'll do slide shows, we'll do videos, and so some of those things are too visually oriented to include in just an audio podcast. So there are a few things that we cut from this episode that just don't translate to the audio medium, such as a video at the end of the episode where we do a super cut of all the times women interact in the entire Star Wars Prequels trilogy. And there's also videos that we screened during the live show that you will hear the audio four in the episode, which are the three recap videos that I edited. They're each about five minutes long. The point is, if you want to watch these, we have put them on the Bechdel Cast YouTube channel, which we basically don't use for anything except for things like this, So the link for that is on our link tree. So if you want to watch any of those videos as sort of like a supplementary material for this episode, they live on our YouTube. But most of the episode is intact, So most of what we did in the live show is here in this audio episode, and we had a blast doing this tour. So for everyone who came out, thank you so much, and.

00:02:59
Speaker 5: To all of the venues that hosted us in all four cities, we are very grateful and just had a great experience. And if we did not make it to your town, if you don't live in these very specific for Midwestern towns, for this tour, we have.

00:03:15
Speaker 4: We have designs. We have designs.

00:03:17
Speaker 5: In the coming year, it's our ten year anniversary, so we intend to hit the road again.

00:03:23
Speaker 2: Stay tuned, Stay tuned, and in the meantime, enjoy this live show episode of the Star Wars prequels.

00:03:36
Speaker 3: Hi, Welcome to the Bechtel Cast. Guys, how are you hello? We're so excited to be here.

00:03:44
Speaker 2: We finally came to Chicago. Sorry, it took us so many years.

00:03:48
Speaker 5: Yes, but thank you for being persistent and aggressive.

00:03:54
Speaker 3: We're so, so so excited to be here.

00:03:57
Speaker 5: It's been a long time coming. We just came from Indianapoli is now we're here. We've got we've got well, let's let's sort of introduce Yeah, got here obviously. Okay, let's let's just like do a litmus test for what a pack of fucking doors you are?

00:04:14
Speaker 3: Do we know who this little King is here, Bob Frank, thank you. Yes that was a call on response. I guess I wasn't clear. This is this is my favorite Star Wars character.

00:04:28
Speaker 2: Got wrong?

00:04:30
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, I am right.

00:04:32
Speaker 5: Unfortunately, I think twelve of these toys were ever sold. But his whole thing is he's a little guy. Yeah, and he goes, hey, I.

00:04:43
Speaker 2: Love who do you have there, Caitlin, Well, I mean, and you're gonna demonstrate this better than me. But this so this is a padme Amidala ever heard of her? This belongs to Jamie as well. I don't own any dolls, no offense.

00:05:01
Speaker 5: Okay, awesome, who are you anyone I've ever dated?

00:05:07
Speaker 3: Jesus? Okay, let me. I got this baby on eBay for one dollar. Not wanted.

00:05:17
Speaker 5: But I misunderstood the premise of the doll because it looks like you get two dolls, but it turns out you get one doll with an extra head.

00:05:34
Speaker 3: So unpleasant.

00:05:35
Speaker 5: I wonder why he was trying to get rid of it. It's so scary. It's not a good thing to just like have in your luggage. It feels like you're chased. Anyways, Okay, welcome to the Bechtel Cast.

00:05:50
Speaker 2: Thank you for being here. We're here to talk about the Star Wars prequels.

00:05:56
Speaker 5: Okay, but before we get there, we're cure, is there anyone here? I mean, we'll give it up if you're a regular listener of the show. Okay, that's that's just free applause. But give it up if you were dragged here by a loved one.

00:06:18
Speaker 3: Interesting. Okay, well, look in.

00:06:25
Speaker 5: Because we have a lot to get through tonight. This is an important historical summit in which in which we bravely discussed these movies no one has ever talked about before, and certainly not to death.

00:06:42
Speaker 2: Certainly not who has who has done their homework and watched the movies?

00:06:50
Speaker 6: Yes, okay, because.

00:06:52
Speaker 3: What a weird cheer, polarized.

00:06:57
Speaker 5: I feel like some of you were kind of booing them but also confirming that you saw them.

00:07:03
Speaker 2: Who has never seen the Star Wars prequels?

00:07:07
Speaker 1: Oh wow?

00:07:08
Speaker 3: Okay, sweet summer children, there I.

00:07:12
Speaker 2: Was you once.

00:07:16
Speaker 5: Well, we're going to take you through all three movies, and we're gonna sort of decide once and for all if they're any good. And actually we kind of like at our first show yesterday, we kind of were like getting into it.

00:07:29
Speaker 3: We feel differently, we feel differently you.

00:07:33
Speaker 2: And what I mean, yes, yes, yes, So well, Jamie, what's your relationship with Star Wars, the prequels, et cetera.

00:07:40
Speaker 3: I don't care about them. I don't care about them. I was.

00:07:46
Speaker 5: I grew up a loser, but not this kind of loser. I guess the easiest way to put it. This was not my culture. I did not grow I didn't. I don't think I saw any of the original movies from the s and eighties until I was like, well into college. I did see, though, I mean, I think I'm sure this is the case for a lot of people here, Like the prequels were what I associated with Star.

00:08:09
Speaker 3: Wars primarily, and I was like, not for me if I didn't. I had never seen Phantom.

00:08:16
Speaker 5: Menace, but I do remember when I saw The Clone Wars at a drive in with my family when I was little.

00:08:24
Speaker 3: It was like one of the first movies I remember.

00:08:26
Speaker 5: Watching as a kid and being like, Wow, I don't like this, which.

00:08:32
Speaker 3: Is such a weird feeling.

00:08:33
Speaker 5: As a kid, it would not occur to you to not like anything, right it was, but yeah, I was like, wow, this is a bummer. But I kind of came around for episode three, because I was like in middle school by that point, and they were doing this really if you remember, like a really kind of aggressive, like hot topic ification.

00:08:53
Speaker 3: Of Darth Vader.

00:08:55
Speaker 5: Like they were like, he's got the broody haircut, like, dude, girls a fuck Darth Vader to me, and I was a horny twelve.

00:09:05
Speaker 3: Year old, I was like, yeah, sure, I guess I want to fuck Darth Vader.

00:09:09
Speaker 5: So I like had a little Darth Vader purse, my little fascism purse that I had, and I was like, yeah, I want to fuck this mean fascist like that was what they were, and they still kind of do that to this day over a hot topic.

00:09:26
Speaker 3: So yeah, I don't know.

00:09:27
Speaker 5: They grew on me, I will say, Like, going back to watch them to prepare for this, I got way more into the particulars of the Star Wars universe than I ever thought I would need or want to. Yeah, and now I have become the fucking dork I once feared.

00:09:45
Speaker 2: Well, fear leads to anger, Anger leads to hate, Hate leads to suffering.

00:09:51
Speaker 5: That's and that is what it feels like, Terry.

00:09:55
Speaker 3: Now, I actually I am on team Prequels. Good team pre uh Shakespearean whoa Team my favorite thing in the world.

00:10:06
Speaker 5: Ultimately, this is a movie about men being bitches and yeah.

00:10:12
Speaker 3: And I and I celebrate that.

00:10:14
Speaker 7: Yeah.

00:10:14
Speaker 3: Caitlin, Caitlin, what's the what's your history with the prequels? I don't like having a Mary.

00:10:23
Speaker 2: It's so creepy. It's gonna get me. I grew up with the original trilogy. I have been watching them ever since I can remember. Return of the Jedi is my favorite because I love ewoks. Okay, I was like, oh, Empire Strikes Bag is the best one. Shut up, it doesn't have ewoks. And I was thirteen when Phantom Menace came out. I probably didn't see it until I was maybe fourteen or what. I don't know. I don't think I saw in theaters because I was like, what is this? They look bad, they look like shit, what's all this? CG. I'm my Star Wars. I don't want to I don't need it. I got around to seeing it. I was a teenager, which meant I had like just enough taste to be like, well, that fucking sucked. And I think I saw the other two in theaters. But I was a hater. I was contributing to the hate and the backlash, and then I didn't see them for I don't know, fifteen years.

00:11:23
Speaker 5: I'm curious, is and was anyone here like a part of the original prequels hate Squad?

00:11:32
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, you've made yourself.

00:11:33
Speaker 2: It's okay.

00:11:35
Speaker 3: You guys are pretty harsh.

00:11:37
Speaker 2: I don't know.

00:11:38
Speaker 3: No, they're well.

00:11:40
Speaker 2: And then I watched them again to prep for this tour, and I still think they suck.

00:11:43
Speaker 3: They're bad. But it was like there was like a like a blood feud over this.

00:11:51
Speaker 5: Like weird old I mean not to defend George Lucas, but he's a weird old man. And there was a million Internet users being like, we have to kill we have to kill this weird old man. And then he spighted you all by somehow making an even worse trilogy later on.

00:12:10
Speaker 3: But if you hang into le end Babu Frick gets there so.

00:12:14
Speaker 5: That I remember, we saw episode nine together, and I don't think I had like I had maybe seen the first one. I hadn't seen the last Jedi. I was like, let's see, let's vibe. Everyone was booing, everyone was upset, and I left. I was just like, who is that little guy?

00:12:33
Speaker 3: Let me become his only fan.

00:12:37
Speaker 2: Amazing. Yeah, so we have a nice variety of opinion.

00:12:43
Speaker 5: Yes, there is no wrong opinion about these movies except whatever one you share with us at the merch table later. But in order to we got a lot of ground to cover. Okay, we're gonna be talking about all three movies, and so normally this is where we would have Caitlyn's face this.

00:13:00
Speaker 3: Recap, and we do have it, but it's a.

00:13:02
Speaker 2: Little it's a little different. So I was like, if I recap all three movies, it'll take the entire show. So instead, I really pared down the stories of these movies and I did a little video edit recap. Uh, so we're gonna we're just gonna kind of go episode by episodes. So we're just gonna start with episode one, never heard of it, and uh, we're gonna watch the recap q Jar Jar Okay. So the backstory is this evil, greedy entity in the galaxy called the Trade Federation is enforcing an embargo against the planet of Naboo. So two Jedi knights, Qui Gungjin and Obi Wan Kenobi are sent to try to convince the Trade Federation to stop the blockade. Lord Sidius, who is definitely not Palpatine.

00:14:00
Speaker 3: The Trade Federation.

00:14:01
Speaker 2: Leaders to kill the Jedi kill but Qui Gon and Obi Wan fight off their attackers and escape to Naboo, where they run into jar Jar banks. Meanwhile, Queen Amidala is trying to stave off an attack by the Trade Federation, but the Federation invades Naboo and captures the Queen and her council, but Qui Gon, Obi Wan, and jar Jar show up to rescue them and convince them to accompany the Jedi to the planet of Coroissant. They board a ship are two detwo is there and they head toward Coroissant, but their ship is attacked and damaged, so they have to land on the nearby planet of Tatuine. Qui Gon, Jarjar and the Queen's handmaiden, who is definitely not also actually the Queen, laid into a village to try to get the parts they need to repair their ship. There they meet Anakin skywalker, who is enslaved by this guy Watto, who will agree to give Qui Gon the ship parts he needs if Anakin wins an upcoming pod race and hands over the prize money to Watto. But first this small child hits on this adult wom.

00:15:20
Speaker 1: An angel.

00:15:21
Speaker 5: They're the most beautiful creatures like you.

00:15:24
Speaker 2: Also, these two meet and fall in love, you know Wordsidius sends his apprentice Darth Maul to track down Queen Amidala to kill her or make her sign a treaty. I don't really know. Then there's about forty minutes of pod racing shit as his treedom, Qui Gon wants to take Anakin with them, feeling the force is strong with him. Anakin has a shitload of Midi Chlorians. So Anakin says goodbye to his mother, Shmi Skywalker and joins Qui Gon in Obi Wan. Then Qui Gon, Anakin and friends arrive on Coruscant, where they're greeted by Senator Palpatine, who is using Queen Amidala to weasel his way into being elected as the new Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Senate. Meanwhile, Qui Gon tells the Jedi Council Yoda and Mace Windu and this guy and as guys there. But Queen wants to train Anakin to become a Jedi, but the council is like, oh, he's too old, and he freaks us out, and we felt like that he feels emotions, so everyone returns to Naboo. We learn that Padme is Queen amidala Oo.

00:16:46
Speaker 3: Sir, I'm Queen amidala.

00:16:50
Speaker 2: Jar Jar Binks and the other Gungans battle the Trade Federation and their droids who are attacking Naboo. Anakin ends up in space and he blows up the big Trade federationship all by himself because he's so good at his Midi Chlorians or whatever, and it allows the Gungans to win the battle on Naboo. Meanwhile, Qui Gon and Obi Wan fight Darth Maul, but oh geez, Darth Vall kills Qui Gon, so obi Wan chops Darth Maul in half about it, and then obi Wan promises to train Anakin to become a Jedi is the chosen one, which Yoda and mace Windu are not happy about because they still think Anakin is a little freak. They also mention that there are always two Siths at a time, and now that one is gone, another one will take his place.

00:17:46
Speaker 3: But who will it be? You ever get this recas truly so much uh weird Jedi.

00:18:01
Speaker 5: White supremacy in the first one. Okay, where do we start. I mean, we already talked about how these movies were originally received. Everyone like probably one of the most anticipated movies ever.

00:18:13
Speaker 3: And then generally everyone fucking hated it.

00:18:17
Speaker 8: Then if you were an adult, yeah, And then my favorite sort of back and forth that I've noticed is that whenever someone's like this movie fucking sucks, George Lucas is like, well it's for children, and it's like, well, it's ninety percent senic meetings.

00:18:33
Speaker 3: So I don't believe you mean that. I think you thought it was good.

00:18:41
Speaker 5: But there's a lot to talk about in this first one that like kind of disappears in the second and third movies because it was so poorly received, Like the big one.

00:18:51
Speaker 3: One of the big ones is the Midichlorians thing.

00:18:54
Speaker 2: Which is basically just like space eugenics.

00:18:58
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, like you have the most Jedi blood. It feels weird, it feels uh and and people didn't like it, and so I don't think it ever comes up again.

00:19:09
Speaker 3: They're just they're like, he has the most Next.

00:19:15
Speaker 5: I think the other biggest remembered like hated aspect of episode one is tragically and incorrectly charged ar Binks.

00:19:25
Speaker 2: Yes, soever, we are a pro Jargear podcast. He did nothing wrong.

00:19:34
Speaker 5: I really appreciate how like jar Jar Binks does has sort of had like the scorned woman of the nineties things where people were like, we were so hard on him, whatever you do. Meanwhile, all he was trying to do was appoints a dictator.

00:19:53
Speaker 2: But he didn't do it on purpose.

00:19:54
Speaker 3: Oh he's just a dufus.

00:19:58
Speaker 5: But there is a lot to talk about about with jar Jar and like how that character has been interpreted and sort of reclaimed or not reclaimed over the years, and it tends to like split along these two.

00:20:10
Speaker 3: Stories that are like different but both important.

00:20:13
Speaker 5: The first is that there has been a lot of talk and analysis, rightfully so, of how jar Jar's character plays into both really harmful racial stereotypes specifically around black Americans or just black people in general, and then as well as really colonial stereotypes and kind of like the noble savage he you know, the first two guys he meets, he's.

00:20:39
Speaker 3: Like, oh, I'm your servant forever now, you know.

00:20:43
Speaker 5: Yeah.

00:20:44
Speaker 2: Yeah. And the actor who played him amed best He He and George Lucas both were very defensive of this character at the time. They're like, no, there's no racism here, What are you talking.

00:20:58
Speaker 3: About, George Lucas.

00:21:00
Speaker 5: I've watched all the in my over preparing because I'm obsessed with homework, I watched all the behind the scene footage of all the movies, and in the first uh like, so much of the first BTS footage is George Lucas like looking to camera and being like, jar j Arr is gonna change everything.

00:21:20
Speaker 2: He's not. It wasn't wrong, he could not.

00:21:23
Speaker 3: Be, could not be reading their room worse. And then it's just like a comment.

00:21:26
Speaker 5: Yeah, like conversations with him and Ahmed Best where Ahmed's like and this is where jar Jar really sort of starts to take his own narrative and George is like, yes, jar Jar is the best character I've ever written Han solo like, But unfortunately uh yeah, I mean both the actor and the writer has uh have have still to this day remained jar Jar defenders in spite of there I mean, there's been a lot of writing and criticism of the stereotypes present in the character, but the proud like is that it's not. I mean, George Lucas did get blowback for Jargear, but the kind of like abuse that Ahmed Best had to deal with for years. Yeah, like it changed the shape of his life. There was a podcast a couple of years ago called The Redemption of jar Jar binks.

00:22:22
Speaker 3: Very much something I would listen to.

00:22:23
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's sort of from Ahmed Best perspective of like how painful that was, how he was like sent death threats, how he you know, it really hurt his mental healthy at suicidal ideation, Like.

00:22:36
Speaker 3: All of this really really awful stuff.

00:22:39
Speaker 5: Because not only was the fans not liking the character being pushed all on him, the rightful criticism of the racial stereotypes was being you know, put on Ahmed Best as.

00:22:50
Speaker 3: If he had written the character himself.

00:22:52
Speaker 5: Yeah, and so he sort of ended up taking all of this slack for it, and it took, you know, years to work through it.

00:22:59
Speaker 3: And it's still I mean, like he and George Lucas are still friends.

00:23:03
Speaker 5: I guess he's in The Mandalorian he like plays a character. But yeah, I mean I feel like the jar Jar saga sort of encapsulates how poorly, poorly conceived and poorly received Episode one was.

00:23:18
Speaker 2: Definitely in addition to that character, there's a lot of There's been a lot of other criticism about the oh God, who are these people? The Nermuoidian characters right, basically like the leaders of the trade Federation that we see. They have been criticized for being racist caricatures of East Asian people. The newt gun Ray guy, that's a character. You know him, right. He is played by a white man named Silas Carson from England, and so he's not doing his English accent certainly.

00:24:00
Speaker 3: And nor is the actor playing Watto.

00:24:04
Speaker 2: Nope. So that is a character that has been criticized for being playing into anti Semitic and anti Arab stereotypes. And that is voiced by a Welsh guy named Andy So.

00:24:23
Speaker 5: And we prefer Wata when played by Griffin Newman personally. Yes, so yeah, there are I mean, and these are these persist throughout the movies, but there there's a weird amount concentrated in the first movie, right that is sort of like dialed back on because I guess apparently like jar Jar was originally supposed to be a huge character in all three movies and then everyone hated jar Jar and they were like, never mind, We're just gonna have him appoint a dictator and then disappear and then go.

00:24:54
Speaker 2: To Padme's funeral spoilers.

00:24:57
Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's so fun every watch I went.

00:25:00
Speaker 5: I saw the re release of episode three, and it's so funny when you're at this like really intense like moment at the end of the saga and it just cuts to jar Jar crying, so fuck.

00:25:14
Speaker 3: Invited you there?

00:25:15
Speaker 5: He's I love Jarger and Padme's friendship. It's complicated. It's a complicated friendship.

00:25:22
Speaker 3: People won't understand.

00:25:24
Speaker 2: I would also say for the human characters who are predominantly white throughout all of the movies, there are there's only a very small handful of like main characters who we would able to be able to like maybe identify their name and recognize them when we see them a second time kind of thing. And it's pretty much just Mace Windu played by Samuel L. Jackson, of course, And you're like, George Lucas, how could you direct sam Jackson to do such a bad performance? Like what are you doing?

00:25:56
Speaker 5: Sir?

00:25:56
Speaker 2: But he does suck in this movie.

00:25:58
Speaker 3: Uh.

00:26:00
Speaker 5: And then, as you pointed out in the recap, I don't understand why did he Why did he have to be eight and her be like sixteen?

00:26:11
Speaker 1: Why?

00:26:12
Speaker 3: What was the reason we he's a starver. He's a weird guy. That's weird.

00:26:19
Speaker 2: I was thinking about the dude, and I was like, well, maybe it's because like they find the young lings when they're small children and then train them up to be Jedi.

00:26:29
Speaker 3: But why couldn't she be that young then?

00:26:31
Speaker 5: Like what was the reason that she had to be twice his size?

00:26:38
Speaker 2: Also because like Lule Skywalker trains to be a Jedi and he's like whatever. Eighteen nineteen.

00:26:45
Speaker 5: I do like the scene where they bring the kid Anakin into the Jedi Council and they're like old, nasty, fucked up looking crusty like, and it's like a kid.

00:27:01
Speaker 2: And then they're like, oh, you missed your mummy, you bitch.

00:27:06
Speaker 3: We'll get over it. You're in the CIA now. It's so fucked up.

00:27:15
Speaker 5: But my favorite, my favorite reaction too, because even though people were weirded out by this like age gap, it was not even in like the top ten issues people had at the time, but someone who did, Okay, this is my favorite quote about this dynamic is what George Lucas's ex wife had.

00:27:34
Speaker 3: To say, which is so fune.

00:27:38
Speaker 5: Okay, so Marshall Lucas, yeah, she she is his ex wife but also crucially she edited the first Star Wars movie.

00:27:47
Speaker 3: She worked on the original trilogy. Sure, yeah, woman in the job there in the seventies. It happened, but they it.

00:28:00
Speaker 5: Up sometime between the original trilogy and the prequels, and she of course.

00:28:04
Speaker 9: Went to see what that old dusty bitch George was up to when the first one came out, and she said the following, Okay, so this is from an article said George Lucas's ex wife cried tears of sadness at Phantom Menace.

00:28:26
Speaker 3: She says, George is in his heart and soul a good guy.

00:28:30
Speaker 5: I wish already, like doesn't your body just sees you feel like you're a Thanksgiving I wish you would have directed other kinds of movies. But when I went to see episode one, I remember going out to the parking lot, sitting in my car and crying. I cried because I didn't think it was very good. And I thought he had such a rich vein to mine, a rich palette to tell stories with. He had all those characters, and I thought it was weird that the story was about this little boy who looked like he was about six, But then later on he's supposed to get with this princess who looked like she.

00:29:19
Speaker 3: Was twenty end of quote. I good for her, Yeah, good for her.

00:29:26
Speaker 5: I wish I could roast my exes on the global stage like that.

00:29:31
Speaker 3: That's thrilling, and she's right, she's right to say it.

00:29:34
Speaker 2: So Anakin is nine canonically in the first movie, Padme is I think fourteen. Then it's then it's although Natalie Portman was sixteen or seventeen when these movies were being filmed, so she's even older.

00:29:51
Speaker 3: And it's like, just it is very.

00:29:54
Speaker 2: Much a bizarre choice that taints a whole thing.

00:29:59
Speaker 5: Choice anything else in episode one you wanted to touch on.

00:30:04
Speaker 2: I mean, I just want to mention Natalie Portman and her ties to Israel because she was born there, she has dual citizenship between there and the US. She was raised in the US. She is like, very like the liberal Zionism thing, which is you're still just a Zionist. She has been critical of Israel in the past, but still like defends its right to exist. And so she's a Zionist, and we say, fuck her, fuck all Zionists.

00:30:39
Speaker 5: So best of luck with that mental illness she has. Yeah, I think the last thing other than fucking mally Portman Zionism.

00:30:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, like s girls girl scroll.

00:30:53
Speaker 7: Uh.

00:30:53
Speaker 5: So I think that one character we really didn't get to talk about who a lot of people remember very fondly from the first episode.

00:31:04
Speaker 3: Yes, is Darth Maul so true?

00:31:06
Speaker 5: Yeah, Darth maum certified hoty. I think we can all agree.

00:31:11
Speaker 2: I think we might even have some like photographic evidence.

00:31:14
Speaker 4: Yes, what do we think?

00:31:19
Speaker 3: Do we think that the pattern continues?

00:31:25
Speaker 5: I will say I was looking for this and I this was like the by far the tamest.

00:31:30
Speaker 3: Image I found.

00:31:32
Speaker 5: But I just I found it so inspiring Kitalen that it made me want to write a short story. Oh, inspired by Darth Maul being hot?

00:31:40
Speaker 3: Would you mind if I if I read it? Please, I insist, Please hold my bab ou friend.

00:31:48
Speaker 2: Okay.

00:31:49
Speaker 3: Also, I bought this outfit and it's like for porn.

00:31:52
Speaker 2: I think.

00:31:54
Speaker 5: I just put on a second shirt because I was like, oh, this is a padme outfit designed.

00:31:58
Speaker 3: For your nipples to be showing.

00:31:59
Speaker 5: Okay, Okay, this is some erotic fanfeiction I wrote about Darth Maul that takes place immediately after he.

00:32:08
Speaker 3: Is cut in half a shop. If I may.

00:32:16
Speaker 5: Darth Maul was having a terrible day. One moment, he was fighting a twink.

00:32:22
Speaker 3: And a twunk on the edge of a precarious tower. God, how many times has he brought up installing a railing? How many times?

00:32:31
Speaker 5: And the next moment he was at the bottom of the pit and he had a tummy ache. Darth Maul pounded his fist on the marble floor before anyone.

00:32:41
Speaker 3: Got to know me. It was such a cool villina. He looked down at his body to assess the damage. How bad could it? Oh?

00:32:53
Speaker 5: Oh, my god? Darth Maul was in fact cut in half. His lower quadrant lay in a heap beside him, his toes still twitching. He tried to get a better look at his top half and saw his little mall spine poking out like a chicken drumstick. This is the worst day ever. Mal hauled himself up using his arms. Looks like all those days lifting with Darth Fuckius getting off and took stock of the situation.

00:33:25
Speaker 3: He hadn't really meant to kill Liam Neeson, he was such a big fan of his.

00:33:31
Speaker 5: No one would believe that, though, and Mal felt himself once again consumed by his imposter syndrome. Huh I can't do anything right, he said, frowning like the emoticon. But just then the echo of a familiar voice came from above where he'd just fallen from.

00:33:51
Speaker 3: It was obi Wan's voice.

00:33:53
Speaker 5: I'm so sorry, Liam Neeson, obi Wan whined from above, not only because you died, but because the man who killed you.

00:34:01
Speaker 3: Well. Mal couldn't help, but hope. Could it be true? I have a huge crush on him?

00:34:10
Speaker 5: Obi Wan ran away, leaving Liam Neeson's corpse to rot.

00:34:16
Speaker 3: Mal shook his head.

00:34:17
Speaker 2: He knew it.

00:34:18
Speaker 5: He'd been having casual hookups all over the galaxy for years, but that one night with obi.

00:34:23
Speaker 3: Wan last spring that meant something to him.

00:34:27
Speaker 5: He knew obi Wan felt the duel, but for nine months he'd pined. He pulled out his phone and read through he and obi Wan's last text, screw you, obi Wan had written a week ago, I have a Tommy ache.

00:34:43
Speaker 3: Maul replied, okay, obi Wan replied, Mal reacted.

00:34:48
Speaker 5: With Aminion's gift. Obi Wan had gone silent. Then yesterday morning, Mal tried again. Please don't be mad, he texted, are you seriously going to fight us?

00:34:58
Speaker 3: Obi asked.

00:35:00
Speaker 5: Paul had written his whole text out, but never had the courage to send it.

00:35:03
Speaker 3: The unread text said, no, I have feelings for you.

00:35:08
Speaker 5: I debated telling you for a while, but I was scared and honestly thought it might ruin our friendship.

00:35:13
Speaker 3: But I have to be honest. Still, Mall couldn't help.

00:35:17
Speaker 5: But remember how obi Wan looked at him, his thick arms with the however you would describe the pattern, his tight little horns.

00:35:31
Speaker 3: Obi Wan would have been so lucky.

00:35:34
Speaker 5: It didn't matter that Mal was in two pieces and somehow survived. For the purposes of the porn I'm writing.

00:35:41
Speaker 3: He looked fucking good.

00:35:44
Speaker 5: Beside him, Mal's bottom half twitched. He'd worry about getting his two hands surgically reattached later. At least his legs were still.

00:35:53
Speaker 3: Oh my god, it was not Mal's leg that had tweeted. It was.

00:36:01
Speaker 5: He dragged his top half over to be sure, rearranging the robes. It was Mal's turgid cock. He'd be It's always good to have the chance to use the word turgid. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it before. If the scyth were so powerful, why couldn't they suck themselves off?

00:36:27
Speaker 3: Wouldn't that be the first thing you'd do with that kind of power.

00:36:32
Speaker 5: But no, Darth Sidius had said the scyth could never suck themselves off.

00:36:36
Speaker 3: It was a threat to productivity. Not today.

00:36:42
Speaker 5: Ma looked at his rock hard peepee, which kind of corkscrewed like a ducks.

00:36:50
Speaker 3: He looked upon his menacing pukes.

00:36:55
Speaker 5: Sure things hadn't worked out with obi Wan, but look at what obi Wan was missing out on. Maul's leg beckoned his top half over and for a moment he wondered about the ethics of consent, then remembered.

00:37:09
Speaker 3: And chuckled to himself. He did it. He sucked off his bottom half, and he felt both of his hams surge with pleasure.

00:37:20
Speaker 5: He sucked his turgid, two cork screwed peepee, and then he kept going. He sucked his own toes, admiring his sharp little toenails, his thick, diabolical thighs, locked his own head in place, and.

00:37:40
Speaker 3: Until his tight little horns drew blood.

00:37:44
Speaker 5: Far from above, Emperor Palpatine watched the whole scene on the.

00:37:51
Speaker 3: On the Galactic Ring can good day. He murmured, really your anger.

00:38:04
Speaker 5: Even in the throes of passion, Maul still couldn't help but get a little silly.

00:38:08
Speaker 3: Don't come yet, Darth Maul. I don't know I'm gonna come.

00:38:13
Speaker 5: He tried to hold it back, but his top half could feel his bottom half getting perilously close. When suddenly, Maul felt a sharp pain at the bottom of his top half, the part he couldn't quite see. Oh my god, he said, trying to focus, but his bottom half seemed to feel the pain too. The sharp pain contracted again again, and Mal couldn't help but think of Obi Wan that night nine months ago. Another sharp pain, and Mal's tummy turned. Was that what this tummy ache was?

00:38:52
Speaker 4: Could it be?

00:38:54
Speaker 3: It could? Darth Maul was in labor and the baby was coming fast.

00:39:01
Speaker 5: Mal's top half fell to the floor in pain, leaving his bottom to writhe in agony. The contraction subsided for a moment, and Maul looked at how tenderly his bottom half was delivering the baby. Maybe just one more suck, Darth Maul sat on his own face and took his peepee in his mouth, even though the baby was coming fast. After mere moments, Mall's bottom half couldn't hold back.

00:39:29
Speaker 6: He busted evil come everywhere, red and delicious, Mal was so enamored with the taste of his own seed that he could barely focus on delivering the baby.

00:39:46
Speaker 3: The baby, his an obi Wan Kenobi's baby.

00:39:51
Speaker 5: As Mal choked and sputtered on his own delicious evil come, as his own thighs choked, his mean little neck lo face flashed before his eyes.

00:40:02
Speaker 3: How could Obi Wan have ever let this all go?

00:40:06
Speaker 5: Fortified by the yummy bad boys Seamen, Mall's bottom half dismounted as Mall's top half collapsed in birth pain again, it was almost time. The bottom half couldn't speak, so he farted supportively as.

00:40:22
Speaker 3: The top half pushed.

00:40:24
Speaker 5: I will never tell Obi Wan about you, Darth Mole, yelled at the sky. I will send you to a planet far away where he can never find you. The last thing Male heard was the sound of his own child. He and Obi Wan's child, eh well wanted.

00:40:58
Speaker 2: What I didn't catch this at the show last night is that it's Darth Maul's top half birthing the baby out of his severed out of the bottom large opening.

00:41:11
Speaker 5: Yeah, so, yeah, that is what's happening. I sort of just to take you into my process. I had two ideas and then I did them both.

00:41:22
Speaker 2: Yes, I love that. I love that that was terrific around them.

00:41:32
Speaker 3: That took a lot out of me.

00:41:35
Speaker 2: But I do think that we I think we're ready now for to examine episode two.

00:41:42
Speaker 3: And so we're going to cross your legs, change your pants. We're getting back to business.

00:41:50
Speaker 2: Yeah. So here is my video recap of episode two. About ten years have passed since the first movie. There about to be a vote in the Galactic Senate to create an Army of the Republic to help the Jedi deal with a recent separatist movement. The movie opens with an assassination attempt that's made on Padme, who is now a senator, but she survives, and Obi Wan and Anakin are tasked with keeping her safe, and Anakin is so happy and horny to see Padme again. Then someone tries to kill her again, but Anakin saves Padme and chases down the assassin, who's a woman. Okay, feminism. Then the Jedi Council instructs Anakin to accompany Padme to her home planet of Naboo, where she will be extra safe. And they're kind of vibing, and they vibe some more.

00:42:50
Speaker 3: I don't like sand It's coarse rough and irritated, and he gets out everyone.

00:42:58
Speaker 2: And they even kiss on the lists. But then now.

00:43:06
Speaker 3: He should have done that.

00:43:08
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, a clue from the assassin leads obi Wan to the mysterious planet of Camino, where he learns from this guy that a now dead Jedi Knight had already commissioned an army of clones to be created to fight for the Republic, and where like okay, I guess back on Naboo, Anakin casually mentions that he loves dictatorships nice. Then they returned to Vibing. Anakin tells Padme that he loves her. She says it's not possible for them to be together.

00:43:45
Speaker 3: I'm a senator.

00:43:47
Speaker 2: Then Anakin has a premonition slash dream about his mother being in danger, so he and Padme go to his home planet of Tattooine to try to find his mother and discovers that she has been captured. She dies in his arms, which makes him so angry that he commits several murders and now he wants to become powerful enough to do this.

00:44:15
Speaker 3: I will even learn to stop people from dying.

00:44:18
Speaker 2: Okay. Meanwhile, obi Wan ends up at a droid factory where he's captured by some bad guys. This dude is there, Count Dooku, the leader of the separatist movement who has been building a huge droid army to fight the Republic. So Palpatine is like, well, if someone grants me extra power, I can approve the use of this clone Army to fight Douku's droid army. And Jar Jar Binks, who is sort of a senator, now does that and gives Palpatine supreme power and everyone is like, yes, exactly, we love this. Meanwhile, Anakin and Padme have received word that Obi Wan is in trouble, so they head off to save him. They get trapped in the droid factory for a while. Pad May is really good at not getting squished, but then they're captured and Padme finally professes her love for Anakin. I love you, and then they kiss on the lips again. Then they're put into a gladiator style arena along with Obi Wan to be executed by these big beasts. But they manage to survive and fight off the droid Army with the help of some other Jedi who show up. Then the Clone Army appears, who I guess are the good guys to battle the Droids who are the bad guys. Then Count Dooku escapes, so Anakin and Obi Wan go after him. Once past is launched out of the climax of the movie, of course, and the Jedi fight Douku, Anakin's arm gets chopped off. Yoda shows up, but Douku escapes again and links up with his daddy boyfriend Darth Sedius, and the movie ends with Anakin and Padme getting married in secret and making out.

00:46:26
Speaker 3: All right, they really do launch her right out at the climax.

00:46:34
Speaker 5: Oh boy, it's brutal. We've noticed this for years. But she she rolls out of a plane.

00:46:41
Speaker 2: Out of nowhere, and then Anakin's like, we have to go back and get her, and obi Wan is.

00:46:45
Speaker 5: Like, fuck her going on, and He's like, you're right, that's what God would want me to continue to be in the CIA instead.

00:46:56
Speaker 3: I mean, this one is the boring one.

00:46:58
Speaker 5: This one is like, I think generally considered, is this anyone's favorite of the three?

00:47:04
Speaker 10: Wow?

00:47:05
Speaker 3: Weird?

00:47:06
Speaker 2: Weird exactly, And I love how adamant you' were.

00:47:10
Speaker 3: Yes, that was brave of you to say, yeah, this one.

00:47:15
Speaker 5: I mean, this one isn't so focused on the relationship and then a bunch of senator stuff. So I mean, you've got me and this one dying the most gnarly death, and now it's so brutal, and then you have like Anakin and Badme and their relationship is just baffling. By the end of this movie, like I get, like, I guess I do like that the Jedi have to have like rat tails.

00:47:46
Speaker 2: When this is the one with the worst haircuts. Everyone has a really bad haircut. Obi one looks like shit, no offense, but.

00:47:55
Speaker 5: Their relationship is like, I mean, like you sort of get while it's like they're reconnecting app or the bone chilling initiation in episode one, she's like, oh you turned out hot, Sure we can hang out. Many of us have been through a situation like that. You're like, I'm just shocked that you don't look nine. I don't know, but like by the end, he has said I think dictatorships are worth a shot, and he's killed like women and children, yes, after he finds out that his mother was taken prisoner by them, and that scene between them is so bizarre where he's like, I killed forty people and she replies by saying everyone gets mad sometimes.

00:48:44
Speaker 3: And I just want her to walk me through that.

00:48:49
Speaker 5: For what Because they've been dating for like two weeks tops, like, she this is the time to step.

00:48:56
Speaker 2: Back, and most of that time is just Anakin like being really creeply pining after her. And he said, I wrote down a few choice quotes from him. Yeah, he says, I've thought about her every day for the past ten years. He says, she covered the cameras. I don't think she liked me watching her.

00:49:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like, I don't won where. He says, she's not like other senators.

00:49:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, but he also negs her job constantly. Pad Ma says, don't look at me like that after he's leering at her, and he says why and Padme says, because it makes me uncomfortable. Anakin says, now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony the thoughts of not being with you.

00:49:50
Speaker 3: I can't breathe.

00:49:51
Speaker 2: I'm haunted by the kids that should have never happened.

00:49:54
Speaker 3: You are my very soul, tormenting. He's so like MySpace coded that he communicates with others.

00:50:08
Speaker 4: I don't know this.

00:50:09
Speaker 5: I think that this relationship is the best Like Anakin at this age specifically is the best possible use of the bouschemmy test all right, which if you don't listen to the show, is a character that we're supposed to think is hot.

00:50:22
Speaker 3: And cool and sexy and like la la la if you replace him with current Steve buscemi is.

00:50:31
Speaker 4: But yes, he.

00:50:35
Speaker 5: Is the behavior Creepy and Anakin talked of. I mean, it's creepy when hating Christiansen does it too, unfortunately.

00:50:43
Speaker 3: But yeah, the relationship is very, very bizarre.

00:50:46
Speaker 8: Yeah.

00:50:47
Speaker 2: He also spends most of the time complaining to Padme about Obi wan Kenobi. He's like he doesn't.

00:50:52
Speaker 3: Notice what a freaking gene usfully you know.

00:50:56
Speaker 5: Which this is like ties into and this like peaks in episode three of Men Being Bitches, where I mean, I feel like I've known. I mean, this happens to people of all genders, but especially when a man gets hyper fixated on another man and you're somehow catching the stray constantly about like why doesn't Chris think I'm cool? I don't fucking know, Chris isn't cool. I don't know why are we talking about this?

00:51:24
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's just it's weird. It's weird.

00:51:28
Speaker 2: I think.

00:51:28
Speaker 5: One of my favorite moments because in the first two movies, I think Padme is relatively active, more active than a lot of women in sci fi action were at this time.

00:51:40
Speaker 3: So there's qualifiers.

00:51:42
Speaker 5: But she does She and her handmaidens fight in the first movie.

00:51:47
Speaker 3: She is actively fighting through some.

00:51:51
Speaker 5: Of the second movie until she's launched out of a plane, but she does fight in the big Jedi battle thing.

00:51:57
Speaker 3: But the thing that happens that's.

00:51:59
Speaker 5: Very two thousand too, is the reason that this is a porn costume, which is that she's wearing a full costume and then some CGI monster passes and rips it right here, and she's like, oh no, they God, I've been doing sit.

00:52:16
Speaker 3: Ups like it's it's so creepy. Old man wrote this line, but I don't know.

00:52:24
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like there, it's it's not the worst movie for women, but it is the worst movie to watch.

00:52:32
Speaker 2: Right.

00:52:45
Speaker 5: All Right, We've got one more movie to talk about, and then we can finally decide are these movies feminist masterpieces?

00:52:55
Speaker 2: I don't know.

00:52:56
Speaker 3: Start to start making your talies. We're gonna figure it out. Let's check out episode three.

00:53:02
Speaker 2: Yes, Count Dooku is waging war against the Republic. The droid leader General Grievous has kidnapped Palpatine, who the Jedi and everyone else still think is a good guy. So Anakin and Obi Wan go on a rescue mission to save Palpatine, but first they have to battle Dooku, who's a Sith Lord now I guess, and Anakin chops his freaking head off, but General Grievous gets away, so the hunt for him continues. Anakin reunites with Padme, who tells him I think she meant to say, I'm gregnand then Anakin has another premonition dream thing that Padme dies during childbirth, so he's distraught about that. Anakin is also growing frustrated with the Jedi Council for not making him a Jedi Master and for their distrit trust in Anakin's best buddy, Palpatine. Then obi Wan heads off to find and destroy General Grievous. They fight for a while with various weapons, and obi Wan eventually defeats Grievous. Meanwhile, Palpatine is like, hey, Anakin, maybe you should use the dark side of the Force to prevent your wife from dying. I don't know, just a thought, and Anakin is like, wait a minute, you're the sith Lord we've been looking for. So mace Windu goes to arrest Palpatine, but now Anakin is having second thoughts. Maybe the dark Side isn't so bad, so he lets Palpatine kill mace Windu. Then Palpatine, who looks like this now, takes on Anakin as his syth apprentice and tells Anakin they better kill all the Jedi, including children. Ah and then Palpatine has his clone army execute most of the other Jedi, though Yoda survives, as does Obi Wan. Meanwhile, Anakin travels to a lava planet to kill the remaining leaders of the separatist movement. Obi Wan and Padme realize that Anakin has turned to the dark Side, so they show up and try to talk some sense into him, but Anakin is like no, thank you pass, so he and obi Wan have a very long lightsaber battle. Then this happens.

00:55:48
Speaker 7: Chosen One, it would said that you would destroy this and not join them.

00:56:02
Speaker 2: Oh no, and Obi Wan is like bye and leaves Anakin to die, but then Palpatine shows up to save him. Anakin gets medical attention and becomes the familiar Darth Vader that we all know and love and He's like, where is Padme? But Padme is busy dying during childbirth, just like in Anakin's premonition. But the twin babies Luke and Lea ever heard of them, are born, and Yoda and Obi Wan make arrangements for who will take care of the babies, and it all sets up the original Star Wars trilogy.

00:56:42
Speaker 3: We the end, We our time for Kaylin's vacas. That's it forever. I thank you, all right, Well you got Padme getting launched out of.

00:56:59
Speaker 5: The last This movie was a gregious what if. I okay, there's this movie.

00:57:05
Speaker 3: I do like.

00:57:07
Speaker 5: I think this movie is the most fun because it's the most men being bitchy.

00:57:16
Speaker 3: It's the longest.

00:57:17
Speaker 5: I love how they're screaming like Shakespearean sentences to each other across lava pits. There's a great line from Anakin where he's like, uh where uh?

00:57:28
Speaker 3: Obi Wan is like, oh the Jedi, Like the Jedi are good?

00:57:32
Speaker 5: This is they're evil, and then Anakin shouts from forty yards away. In my opinion, it is the Jedi, we are evil, and we're like, got it cool? Just in case you had any doubt of where he was at. But no, I mean the fact that that whole scene starts by uh Anakin choking and throwing his very pregnant wife on the ground. Obi Wan is there and they're just like, well, time to walk around each other traumatically.

00:58:06
Speaker 3: She's good, she's good. Don't worry about it.

00:58:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not the best.

00:58:11
Speaker 3: Uh we do.

00:58:13
Speaker 2: Well, look at that colorful commentary from me, As you said, the men being bitchy to each other is awesome. Actually, I love to watch it. We uh, we've got bitchy Anakin, We've got bitchy Palpatine is a huge bitch in this Yoda Doo bitch.

00:58:33
Speaker 5: It's so weird because it's like, if you grew up with the with the original movies, you're like, oh, this funny muppet who has superpowers, But in the prequels, I was like, Yoda is a stern, bitchy nine hundred year old who thinks children are.

00:58:47
Speaker 3: Old and should stop whining for their mommies.

00:58:52
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, well that's the thing. Like, and this has been discussed. There's actually a great pop culture detective video essay about this, but basically, the like Jedi obsession with like emotional repression, and since most of the Jedi who we meet, our men were like, yikes, this never ends.

00:59:12
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I feel like, yeah, the two sides. I think it's like intentionally done. But the two sides of this conflict.

00:59:19
Speaker 5: They're either like men should compartmentalize their feelings to a degree that is unreasonable, or they should use their emotions to commit violence against others, and there's just no one that has the happy medium. They're like, this is these are the two states. These are the two genders of man feelings. And it doesn't work out too great. As for our friend Padme, she really gets the short end of the stick in this one. I think it for in like eighty percent of the scene she's in, she's just pregnant.

00:59:54
Speaker 3: And crying at her apartment.

00:59:56
Speaker 5: Yes, it's so frustrating watching this because at the end, her like big last scene before she goes to the Lava planet, she's like in the Senate and she says that like whatever weird, Like like she's like, oh, we had democracy now we don't like oh oh no, shoot, which that maybe that line would hit harder if you saw a single scene.

01:00:19
Speaker 3: Of her going to work, like ostensibly she hasn't been to work.

01:00:24
Speaker 5: I was like, yeah, maybe democracy wouldn't have fallen if you clocked in one once or twice.

01:00:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I made a little just kind of like just reflection on what what did women do during these movies? It's not that much so you did, so don't buckle in because it won't take long, Padme. Like you said, she does fight in a couple of battles, especially the kind of like climactic third act battle of the first movie and the second movie before she gets inevitably launched out of it. But there's that scene in like the Gladiator where she like saves herself and I was like, what, I can't believe that they let her do that?

01:01:06
Speaker 3: Oh they did. They were like, as long as she's wearing.

01:01:08
Speaker 2: A crop top. He yes, yes, yes, yes. She does a couple senate things. What are they? We're not sure exactly. And then there's a lot of fridging in this movie, first with like Anakin's mother, Me gets fridged in the second movie and.

01:01:31
Speaker 5: That, and if you don't know what that means, it's basically a woman character uh being killed off to advance the plot of the male protagonists, which is what happens to every woman in this movie.

01:01:45
Speaker 3: And they have the fact.

01:01:46
Speaker 5: That Anakin has like what it seems like sometimes his only connection to the force is that he has a bad dream topless when a lady's about to die, I feel like.

01:01:56
Speaker 2: His one force power.

01:01:58
Speaker 3: Wow, this is a pretty pretty useful.

01:02:02
Speaker 2: The women who I know they might die, I don't know, wakes up all sexy.

01:02:08
Speaker 5: You too, Yeah, mom, Yeah, so that happens.

01:02:17
Speaker 2: Shmi dies in the second movie to kind of like start to contribute to his arc to become Darth Vader. And then it really takes full form with Padme being fridged at the end where they're like the droid is like, we don't know why she's dying.

01:02:34
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I love that she just lost the will to live.

01:02:40
Speaker 5: The medical yeah, the medical professional, I mean this is somehow times how anyone who is in this is Man.

01:02:46
Speaker 3: Is treated at the doctor.

01:02:48
Speaker 5: But they're like they like, you know, strong, they strung out, and they're like, well, she's perfectly healthy, but she's dying.

01:02:55
Speaker 3: So you better get in there.

01:02:58
Speaker 5: And they're like, we haven't tried anything, and we're not going.

01:03:02
Speaker 2: To to be fair if I did as much like ignoring of red flags as Padme does to Anakin, and like and then saw in front of my eyes him becoming a sith lord. I would also die. I'd be like, Wow, she's.

01:03:21
Speaker 3: Dying of embarrassment. She's like, my husband's being so embarrassing. I'm gonna get out of here.

01:03:30
Speaker 5: I'm going to join the forest because I mean, look, many such cases that happens.

01:03:36
Speaker 2: It happens.

01:03:37
Speaker 5: So yeah, that's I mean, there is Okay, maybe this this duvetails into something that that I'd like to discuss.

01:03:45
Speaker 2: Indeed, Yeah, the only other thing I was gonna say about it is just like, other than those few examples we just listed, women are basically inconsequential to the movies. You have, like a couple women jedies. What are their names? Who are they? What have they done? We have no idea thing with like a woman fighter pilot. Sometimes there's like women in the Senate or doing political thing. But again, like we just don't. We know nothing. We know nothing about any of them. We know nothing.

01:04:13
Speaker 5: But what if I told you I spent the last couple of weeks reading twenty five comic books, four novels, a million Wikipedia pages, and generally wasted a lot of my one human life reading all the one thing. Okay, so this is like kind of like it's cheating when there's like feminist retconning of an obviously not feminist franchise.

01:04:42
Speaker 3: But I like to watch them try.

01:04:44
Speaker 5: So I wanted to share with you, Caitlin Dorante and you audience, an argument for Padme being a good character.

01:04:53
Speaker 3: Maybe let's go go Okay, we could do that.

01:05:06
Speaker 5: Let it play'd at our show yesterday, that sound cute was playing whenever it was starting in the middle of sentences, way before it was supposed.

01:05:21
Speaker 2: To happen, and then it was supposed to happen.

01:05:24
Speaker 5: Okay, So I'll be as quick as I can, but I do need to justify all five thousand hours I spent reading every single ancillary piece of Padme content, and there's a lot of it.

01:05:37
Speaker 3: Okay, So let's go to the next slide. I am the Padme defender.

01:05:41
Speaker 5: I am a white woman with brown hair, so it is therefore my duty to attempt So let's first look at the next slide with the women we get in the movie, and then I'll talk to you about what we found. Right, our first lady is Padme, a queen who becomes a senator, who later becomes a fridge wife.

01:06:00
Speaker 3: And a baby machine. She dies for plot reasons.

01:06:03
Speaker 5: Next Shmi, an enslaved woman who immaculately conceives bad Jesus and then becomes a friged mommy. The Handmaidens. There's a bunch of them and they all look like padme on purpose. Look, there's one's head right over there. We don't get to see. We see them die.

01:06:22
Speaker 3: More often than we see them speak. Next zam Wessele question mark.

01:06:28
Speaker 2: We know, we know her, we love her.

01:06:30
Speaker 3: In the middle of uh trying to find five women, I really started.

01:06:34
Speaker 5: To struggle, which is why, which is why I'm ending here?

01:06:38
Speaker 7: Uh?

01:06:38
Speaker 4: Or her?

01:06:41
Speaker 3: Who's that? I don't know?

01:06:44
Speaker 5: But maybe she was really important at one time on her planet of origin.

01:06:48
Speaker 3: We'll never know.

01:06:49
Speaker 5: And with that I wanted to go to other people that I would describe as her. On the next line, her, let's so, let's let's just take a moment for for her and what about in her?

01:07:05
Speaker 3: Remember her? And her? Who could forget her? She's a little bullerry, but we love her? What about her?

01:07:14
Speaker 10: Yeah?

01:07:15
Speaker 3: Also I think she's from a deleted scene. Her her, she's pretty bright.

01:07:19
Speaker 5: Her, she's the hot her, the same She's Oh no, I really.

01:07:29
Speaker 2: Okay?

01:07:30
Speaker 5: Well, that's that's if you go to the She's actually pretty important if you go to the if you click again, yeah, she's important if you're a dork, I found out.

01:07:41
Speaker 3: And then and then finally there's her, and so in a way, there's a lot of women. It's a rich tapestry.

01:07:48
Speaker 5: So I wanted to as I was looking through all of this behind the scenes footage, I wanted to see what did George Lucas or Natalie Portman have to say about the feminist masterpiece that they were part dissipating him.

01:08:01
Speaker 3: And I have the information. Let's go to the video. This is my sext up version.

01:08:08
Speaker 10: I guess of the queen got over the hump of eighteen, so I'm allowed to show tummy now.

01:08:14
Speaker 5: I guess, okay, we can stop the clip there where we can stop there, and then Samuel la Jackson's like, the love story is really good. So that is all I was able to find in a discussion of women at all in four and a half hours of behind the scene footage and featuring the phrase the hump of eighteen bone chilling that What's even worse, though, is in a movie that Caitlin you sent yourself features at least a half hour a piece of ships taking off and landing. There were actually scenes filmed for Padme in which things happened to her.

01:08:54
Speaker 3: It drives me up a wall. Okay, In episode two, all really quick, we have a whole.

01:09:00
Speaker 5: Scene where we meet her family, we meet her sister, We understand her political motivation. She worked with refugee children when she was a kid, That's why she wanted to be a senator.

01:09:10
Speaker 3: And then in episode three.

01:09:12
Speaker 5: Even though we really only ever see her pregnant and crying in an apartment, there was a whole story there. Originally that was replaced with ships taking off and landing. Fortunately those we just.

01:09:24
Speaker 3: Couldn't cut it.

01:09:25
Speaker 5: But there is this whole story where Padme in the world of Star Wars, and I wouldn't have known any of this information with a gun to my head ten days ago.

01:09:33
Speaker 3: But she is known as the mother of.

01:09:36
Speaker 5: The Resistance, right or the rebellion, because in this movie, she originally confronts Palpatine, tries to at least lightly push back on fascism, and actually does do stuff at work.

01:09:51
Speaker 3: We just ended up thinking, you know, George Lucas decided it was pointless.

01:09:54
Speaker 5: But you do see a couple of boring Senate meetings in which she is saying fascism should we not?

01:10:00
Speaker 3: Here's one I can't believe it has come to this. Chencer Palpatine is one of my oldest advisors. He served as my ambassador when I was Queen.

01:10:11
Speaker 5: Senator, I fear you underestimate the amount of corruption that has taken.

01:10:15
Speaker 3: Hold in the Senate.

01:10:16
Speaker 5: Okay, And the next clip we meet another senator who I wish we got in the movies.

01:10:24
Speaker 3: I like to call him the Australian guy. We cannot let this turn into another war. Absolutely, that is the last thing we want.

01:10:33
Speaker 8: We are hoping to form an alliance in the Senate to stop the Chancellor from further subverting the Constitution.

01:10:39
Speaker 3: That's all I know.

01:10:41
Speaker 1: A Jedi.

01:10:41
Speaker 3: I feel we should consult.

01:10:43
Speaker 2: There would be dangerous.

01:10:45
Speaker 3: We don't know how the Jedi fit into all this.

01:10:48
Speaker 1: I only wish to discuss this with one one I trust.

01:10:52
Speaker 5: Going against the Chancellor without the support of the Jedi is risky.

01:10:56
Speaker 3: The Jedi are not any happier with the situation than we are.

01:11:00
Speaker 5: Patient, Senator, we have so many senators on our side.

01:11:04
Speaker 1: Surely that will supplice.

01:11:06
Speaker 3: Okay.

01:11:06
Speaker 5: I want to stop it there, hell, And the final scene I wanted to share is uh when she confronts Palpatine directly, and don't worry, the Australian guy is there too.

01:11:26
Speaker 3: You are pursuing a diplomatic solution.

01:11:28
Speaker 5: To the war, then you must trust me to do the right things, Senator.

01:11:34
Speaker 1: That is why I am here.

01:11:35
Speaker 10: Surely I said you can stop there, okay, So really quickly into the Padme verse, I want to talk about the handmaidens.

01:11:47
Speaker 5: They are the interchangeable doubles, so some of them are also played by very famous actors.

01:11:51
Speaker 3: First we have Sabe.

01:11:53
Speaker 5: Played by Kura Knightley. Canonically, Sabe is Padme's best friend. She eventually quits the job with Padme and goes on to liberate slaves on Tattooine, where Anakin is from. And then when Padme dies, she joined She infiltrates Darth Vader's posse and pretends to be Padme's ghost. So she's really she's a cool character. Let's mix some the naming convention up, shall we just kidding? Robbie Robbie, she is sort of the fashion girl of the group.

01:12:30
Speaker 3: She designs those cool hot topic robes. Who else do we.

01:12:33
Speaker 5: Have Yana, of course, a canonically gay character who marries Sach.

01:12:40
Speaker 4: Isn't that fun?

01:12:41
Speaker 3: Good for them? Two identical women.

01:12:44
Speaker 5: Married great and then finally played by Rose Byrne, we have Dorme who joins Padme when she is a senator. Now you might be looking at saj and be like, that's a familiar face.

01:12:56
Speaker 3: Who the hell is that? Well, that is Sophia Cole. That is, in fact, Sofia Coppola. If if you go again she is that is her in the Phantom Menace. And if you're wondering, does she remember doing that? No, she doesn't. She doesn't remember. She had to be reminded.

01:13:19
Speaker 5: Like we were saying, there are we see the Handmaidens die more frequently than we see them do stuff on screen. So I just wanted to talk about the two who die. Uh, those are Corda and Verse. Corde gets a nice death moment. Padme is like, oh girl, sorry, right. Meanwhile, there is another one who dies. Padme does not seem concerned about it. I don't know what she did. All right, Let's pivot to talk about Shmi really quickly. I want to just say Shmi was almost played by Bijork. That would have been cool Army of Shmi.

01:13:56
Speaker 3: B York joke. So Shmi's character is also feminis redconned in these books.

01:14:02
Speaker 5: We turned her into and the next slide a woman in stem because there is exactly one shot where Shmi is near a computer chip, and so this poor author was.

01:14:14
Speaker 3: Like, okay, okay, we can do this.

01:14:17
Speaker 5: And in the in the expanded Universe, she develops technology that ends up disabling tracking devices and freeing enslaved people.

01:14:26
Speaker 3: In the movie, she just dies.

01:14:28
Speaker 5: The last thing is Sabe. So, like I was saying, she's pad that's her pretending to be Padme's ghost, and she almost kills Darth Vader, but then she's like, I think he's kind of nice. That's sort of where that ends. There's other weird Padme stuff. There's this comic book where Padme is with jar Jar and there's a lot of jokes about her looking at his butt.

01:14:50
Speaker 3: In conclusion.

01:14:52
Speaker 5: In conclusion, look, the people are still thy thinking about these women for a reason, and for those there, there are feminist retcon stories everywhere.

01:15:07
Speaker 3: For those with eyes to see.

01:15:09
Speaker 5: And so I wanted to share my discoveries and argue that Padme is a good character.

01:15:16
Speaker 3: Actually concluded done. Wow, God, so have I convinced you?

01:15:27
Speaker 2: No?

01:15:29
Speaker 8: Oh?

01:15:29
Speaker 3: Good? Four thousand hours well spent.

01:15:32
Speaker 2: I mean it's nice that there's all that extra ancillary like material about her, But as far as we'll we get in the movies, which is what most people have consumed.

01:15:43
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's much and I feel like that's what happens in almost like every single big franchise is like.

01:15:50
Speaker 3: It's very very bland and vanilla.

01:15:53
Speaker 5: And then any of the stuff that is inclusive of not white guys is like a comic book that twelve people have red. Right, It's just so they can be like, well, no, you have to really dig, you know. So anyways, Yeah, she is a feminist legend and we miss her.

01:16:10
Speaker 3: We miss her so much. All right, it's too bad she died due to complications of will.

01:16:15
Speaker 2: To live, losing the will to live.

01:16:19
Speaker 5: But the most important, I mean the question, not the one of the least important question we talk about in this show is do these movies pass the Bechdel That is such a good question.

01:16:29
Speaker 2: I now here's what I have done. I've edited another little video and this is a super cut. Oh there's no it's.

01:16:40
Speaker 3: Good to keep going. Another Haunted soundcum.

01:16:44
Speaker 2: So basically I did a supercut of not even all the times the movie passes the Bechdel test. These are just the moments in these movies, all three of them, where women interact, and so let's take a look at what that looks like.

01:16:57
Speaker 3: See.

01:16:58
Speaker 2: So this is where we're the live show portion of the episode. If you do want to watch that video of the super cut of all the times women interact in the Prequels trilogy, again, that's on our YouTube channel. You can find the link to that at link tree slash Bechdel Test. Either way, we concluded that the entire trilogy does not pass the Bechdel test, and even if it does kind of technically pass, it still basically doesn't, at least not spiritually. So if you can believe it, a Star Wars movie doesn't pass the Bechdel test. However, our nipple scale where we rate the movie or the trilogy on a scale of zero to five nipples, examining it through an intersectional feminist lens. Based on everything you heard us talk about in the live show, I'm going to go ahead and give this a half nipple. Yeah, I don't think it deserves any more than that.

01:17:55
Speaker 5: I'm also going to give it a half nipple in spite of the fact, as I talked about in the you know, all the things I like about the prequels are not text to the Prequels.

01:18:06
Speaker 4: So shout out to the various authors.

01:18:10
Speaker 5: That have in the you know, two decades since these movies came out, fleshed characters out that people were interested in.

01:18:18
Speaker 4: George Lucas did not do that.

01:18:20
Speaker 5: And you I don't believe that he would have ever intended that.

01:18:25
Speaker 4: So sorry, Peapa, It's going to.

01:18:26
Speaker 11: Be a half nitbowl.

01:18:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. And then we ended the live show with a I would say very well choreographed lightsaber battle between the two of us. It was special effects, amazing technology high and by that visualized stunning. We looked great. We had lightsabers and we found out that they went beer and everything. So if you if you were there, you can attest that it was earth shaking.

01:19:01
Speaker 4: It was beautiful.

01:19:03
Speaker 2: It was in earth shaking, naboo shaking, tattooine shaking.

01:19:08
Speaker 5: I could go on, namboo is never the same after what we did, which is just another reason to come to our live shows when we come to your town, which we very may well next year and absolutely with that in mind, if you are a fan of the show and want more of the show and are not currently a member of our Patreon aka Matreon, we do tend to release tickets and show dates a little earlier over on the Matreon to give matrons a first shot at getting tickets as well as often we will release discount codes as well as if you come to our merch table, which we run by ourselves diihy ever heard of it. Matrons get bonus buttons at our merch tables, So come and get some cool stuff that's at patreon dot com slash bectel cast. Five bucks a month is going to get you two bonus episodes, access to our two hundred episode back catalog, and you know, access to the community announcements and the community in general.

01:20:08
Speaker 2: Indeed, and thank you again to everyone who came out to the live shows on this tour. Thank you again to the venues for having us. So shouts out to the Fountain Square Theater in Indianapolis as well as Let's Fest because our Indianapolis show was a part of Let's Fest comedy festival, so thank you to them for having us. Thanks to the Den Theater in Chicago, the Burr Oak in Madison, and the Dudley Riggs Theater in Minneapolis. And with that, should we go have another lightsaber battle where we almost kiss, which is what happened on stage this time.

01:20:51
Speaker 4: Let's do it.

01:20:52
Speaker 5: The cerbating allegations were not beating them.

01:20:57
Speaker 2: Bye bye.

01:21:02
Speaker 11: The Bechtel Cast is a production of iHeartMedia, hosted and produced by Me, Jamie Loftus and.

01:21:08
Speaker 2: Me Caitlyn Durrante. The podcast is also produced by Sophie Lichtermann.

01:21:12
Speaker 11: And edited by Caitlyn Durrante. Ever heard of them? That's me and our logo and merch and all of our artwork in fact are designed by Jamie Loftis, Ever heard of her?

01:21:23
Speaker 2: Oh My God?

01:21:25
Speaker 4: And our theme song, by the way, was composed by Mike.

01:21:27
Speaker 2: Kaplan with vocals by Katherine Voskrasinski.

01:21:31
Speaker 11: Iconic and a special thanks to the one and only Aristotle Acevedo.

01:21:36
Speaker 2: For more information about the podcast, please visit linktree slash Bechtel Cast