#30: How Avoiding Accountability Erodes Confidence, Culture, and Connection

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Eric:  Other people's podcasts and maybe even ours, like my voice. I'm wondering if I need a different microphone. My voice doesn't like everyone else. Sounds clear. And I don't know that I feel like I sound as clear as I should. And this, I did the research and candy recommended this one, but it doesn't feel like it's too in the job.

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We're, oh, we're ready. We're recording. Hey, we're ready. Episode 17 of Season two. Why we avoid accountability and what it costs us and why it often TA tastes like bad medicine in your mouth. All right. I. Accountability is one of those words that makes most of us cringe for ourselves because it often feels like punishment, like somebody pointing out where we blew it, just waiting to catch us with their hand  in the cookie jar.

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Our team needs to be held to those, and yet in the moment, it feels really risky. So here's the question, Eric, that I wanna tackle today.  Why is it that so many of us as leaders avoid accountability? Yeah. And how do we start to reframe it and see it as something that actually builds trust in ourselves and our team instead of something that is scary and threatens the trust?

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Why did you suck? I mean, I, no, but I think about it this time, this way. I often say  that the way that kids learn to walk is the way that we as human beings learn and grow in any area of our life. As old as we get. Which is, we stumble and fumble and bumble our way into it, but no parent is stood over their child as they're kind of, you know, pulling themselves up on the edge of the sofa to try to walk, and then they fall and then yells at the kid and chastises them.

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So let, let me just say this. One of the problems is that many of us confuse accountability with punishment. We think it's about catching someone messing up or catching us, messing up or getting caught. No wonder we avoid it. But accountability at its best isn't about shame. Mm-hmm. Or creating shame. It's about  ownership.

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Always in the headlines are these huge leadership failings, right? Like people that have ascended to the highest level of churches or organizations or government that do. Insanely dumb things. Yeah.  And that comes back to this irony around avoiding accountability because even in that exaggerated context.

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We're gonna keep the relationship strong, but the reality is that it erodes. Both places. Yeah. If we as leaders don't submit to accountability and if we aren't holding our team accountable, things start to fall apart. That's right. 'cause without accountability, people don't know where they stand, and that uncertainty starts to damage trust and  get us into trouble.

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Attitudes and behaviors that are starting to shift toward negativity or selfishness or  bitterness or whatever it is. And because we're not willing to deal with those things when they're smaller issues, they compound into oftentimes more significant issues. You know, it's interesting 'cause we've, we've talked about this whole reframing of accountability.

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And for those of us who are being held accountable, whichever side that we're on in that relationship, it's always, always with the purpose of calling out something better in us as individuals, as a team, as an organization, as a family, in whatever area of our life we're talking about. And we have to understand that if we can reframe or flip this conversation on its head and say accountability is actually a necessary  gift and a skill.

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Eric: I messed up. That's, you know, I had a, if I had a bad attitude or I, I engaged in poor behavior, or  I let my performance slip, that's who I am today.

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Or we can come across too lenient. Yeah. Like we're, you know, I maybe this, there isn't really a standard here. Maybe I, you know, I don't want you to feel bad. Right. So it's either we soft shoe it and we don't really engage the clarity that, that, that leads to change or we're so overpowering that we make people feel  belittled.

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Dawn: Yeah, absolutely. And. And it's interesting 'cause that truly is the heart of it. And you referred to it earlier and it like stuck out to me that  accountability. So you, we, you've said it two ways. Accountability is a gift and accountability is the greatest expression of love or is an an expression of love.

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We always talk about  the what and the how. So accountability helps us clarify the what and the how. But accountability done well also is one of the best ways to build trust. Yeah. With our family, with our partners, with our friends, with our teams, because. People feel seen when expectations and visions are clarified.

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Eric: Yeah. I mean, the first thing to say, I, I, I do  want to get into one really great example, but we, I mean, this is what we're dealing with all the time with our, with our, our clients.

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And I think for our listeners, we've, we've all experienced both of those in  different places. It might be through a parent, a coach, a teacher a a, a former boss. Sometimes you see this even in friendship groups, the way people talk to each other you know, in marriages, whatever. So we, we've, we know those experiences, right?

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And uh, this one particular, project manager who the, the CEO that I was working with said, man, I think this guy has so much potential, but we keep running into one significant challenge. I said, what is that? And he said you  know, guys are terrified of him. And I said, I said, well, first of all, look at the guy.

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I really, I really enjoy  communicating with that level of emotion and intensity and, and hostility and anger. I've never met anybody. When you ask them, do you enjoy that? Do you enjoy delivering? No, I don't. Why? I don't know. I guess if I'm honest, it does feel really harsh. Do you wanna be held accountable that way?

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And I hear this often, but you know what, it gets people to respond quickly. I said I don't disagree. I think fear and intimidation can get a, a, an upfront response from someone. Yeah. But do you know what the cost is for that upfront response? It is trust. It is their sense of loyalty to you. It is their sense of wanting to be  on your team.

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Eric: That's another conversation. Right. But you know, are you gonna support them  as they and, and are you willing to try and call out the better version of this individual?

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You can't imagine that the transformation, even not just with his team, but just working with other peers, other. Project managers up chain, down, chain sideways. It didn't matter. Everybody began to comment on the radical transformation and how enjoyable he  was, even though he still held his standards.

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Eric: accountable themselves to the way that they were providing accountability to  others. Right, right.

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And. Our other team member, aura, and I had to say, okay, Eric, here is  something that has been feeling very challenging and unhelpful as we. You know, are trying to get some of these projects off the ground. You are a visionary leader. You love new, big ideas. And what would happen is we'd, you'd have some new big idea and we'd run after it for like three months and then you would find some other new big idea mm-hmm.

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Okay. Yeah. To say, okay, I am. You guys get to tell me No.  We are agreeing that these are the projects, the priorities that we are gonna run after for the next year. That's right. And if I get distracted, you said you get to tell me no and refocus me back onto what we're fighting for together and there was many moments over the last year that we had to be like, Eric, Eric back.

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Eric: Well, let me, let me just, let me highlight something that I'm hearing in what you're sharing and I want, I want our listeners to catch this, that we need accountability as much for our weaknesses and deficiencies as we do for our strengths and our superpowers.

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The other thing I wanna highlight, or just two other things. One, I think it's so important that we remember that we have to choose accountability. It cannot be  chosen for us. Yeah. In other words, we have to willingly submit ourselves to people to. Standards to expectations, to goals, to vision but we have to choose that, right?

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Eric: So anyways, I, I think it's really important that we have to choose it and, and choose. To engage it and to choose to believe that accountability is in our best interest. I mean, the number of times in my marriage that my wife has has, you know, brought something  to my attention.

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Like as we grow and mature, there's  probably an area where we need to own the responsibility of, Hey, what do I want to be accountable for? Mm-hmm. And how do I invite the right people into my life that are gonna partner me in this way?

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It's about helping people  grow into their best and creating an empowered culture where everybody is committed to elevating their way of operating for what's in the best interest of the team or the group or the family or whatever. I

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Yeah. But because we had agreed to a vision and we knew what we were fighting for, then to be able to come to you and say,  this is your operating counter to what we've agreed to. Yeah. Yeah. You know, so whether that's health and fitness, whether that's relational or your attitudes and behaviors to invite people in that are going to help hold us accountable.

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And I think that's important for our listeners to remember. All  right. Let's do this. Let's, let's, let's let's wrap up this episode.

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Some helpful ways to engage accountability. Go ahead and send this to them and then, you know, you're not saying it, but some, they get to hear it still, so I love that. Any, any, any way that we can increase our listenership, right, Eric? While you're there, don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review because I know you hear this all over the place, but it really does help  expand the reach of our podcast and get these tools and conversations into the,

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Yay. If that's something that sounds exciting to you this will be live teaching. You get to come on and hear from Eric and I go to MPW  coaching slash masterclass. To sign up for the next one. Like I said, they'll be happening monthly. So if you head to that link, you can see when the next one is coming up.