The Confidence Cycle: A Science-Backed Framework for Personal and Professional Growth w/ Juan Bendana | The Big Success Podcast

WEBVTT

00:00:00.119 --> 00:00:02.108
<v Speaker 1>I've coached in every area of my life.

00:00:02.108 --> 00:00:12.529
<v Speaker 1>I don't know everything and I can't get to the level of mastery in everything, so let me find someone that has already gained mastery in that, modeled them and then shortened my learning curve.

00:00:12.529 --> 00:00:15.768
<v Speaker 1>It is the fastest road to, I think, success and confidence.

00:00:15.768 --> 00:00:17.152
<v Speaker 1>Insert outcome here.

00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:27.594
<v Speaker 2>Confidence coach Juan, all through the confidence cycle, A science-based approach to you building your confidence, your life, your success.

00:00:27.820 --> 00:00:32.816
<v Speaker 1>your confidence is not going to be a sum product of the ideas that you have.

00:00:32.816 --> 00:00:35.622
<v Speaker 1>It will be a product of the actions that you take.

00:00:35.762 --> 00:00:39.430
<v Speaker 2>Big success requires confidence, confidence.

00:00:39.430 --> 00:00:41.920
<v Speaker 2>Coach Juan is here with us today.

00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:44.985
<v Speaker 2>His take on motivation it's going to blow you away.

00:00:44.985 --> 00:00:46.948
<v Speaker 2>It's going to bring big success to you.

00:00:46.948 --> 00:00:50.694
<v Speaker 2>So, juan, let me find out your definition of success.

00:01:02.280 --> 00:01:19.406
<v Speaker 1>I think my definition of success would be to progress and grow towards the things that you want to move towards, but also enjoy yourself along the way, because I think sometimes success is put into this bucket of I will be successful when I hit this milestone or this dollar amount or this figure, and I think it's a little more than that.

00:01:19.406 --> 00:01:33.262
<v Speaker 1>I think you got to be able to enjoy yourself along the way and have people that join you along the way, because success without people, without relationships, without family, without friends, I don't think it's success at all.

00:01:33.262 --> 00:01:37.811
<v Speaker 1>So I'd say that's my not as succinct, uh definition you know it's.

00:01:37.992 --> 00:01:39.021
<v Speaker 2>It's an interesting one.

00:01:39.021 --> 00:01:43.912
<v Speaker 2>You mentioned something there about it's not a place or a thing, it's along the way.

00:01:43.912 --> 00:01:45.757
<v Speaker 2>Is that always been your case of your definition, or did you have to learn that?

00:01:45.757 --> 00:01:47.060
<v Speaker 2>Or about it's not a place or a thing, it's along the way.

00:01:47.060 --> 00:01:49.620
<v Speaker 2>Is that always been your case of your definition, or did you have to learn that or progress to that?

00:01:49.620 --> 00:01:50.965
<v Speaker 2>How did you get to that?

00:01:51.620 --> 00:01:55.066
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, no, not at all Before it used to be.

00:01:55.066 --> 00:01:57.331
<v Speaker 1>Once I get to this place, then I will be happy.

00:01:57.859 --> 00:02:01.950
<v Speaker 2>Once I earn this achievement, then I will be how did you switch it?

00:02:01.950 --> 00:02:05.162
<v Speaker 2>How did you switch it, juan, because I know a lot of people want to know that.

00:02:05.162 --> 00:02:07.304
<v Speaker 2>How did you change that definition?

00:02:08.024 --> 00:02:16.509
<v Speaker 1>I think once you get to a certain level of like achieving the things that you wanted to, you realize they weren't as good as you thought they were going to be sometimes.

00:02:16.509 --> 00:02:20.812
<v Speaker 1>And sometimes you have this moment where you're like oh wait, this is it.

00:02:20.812 --> 00:02:35.133
<v Speaker 1>And now I kind of like I love the game of it, like I like the pursuit of it, and I think that sometimes people think that the result is going to make them happy, which I don't think it will at all.

00:02:35.133 --> 00:02:44.027
<v Speaker 1>I think the pursuit of it will Like, while I'm happiest in my personal experience, I'm happiest when I am pursuing something, when I'm growing towards something.

00:02:44.027 --> 00:02:47.527
<v Speaker 1>It isn't about the win, it's about the pursuit of that win.

00:02:48.001 --> 00:02:49.967
<v Speaker 2>So where do you feel in life?

00:02:49.967 --> 00:02:52.522
<v Speaker 2>You chose success as a kid.

00:02:52.522 --> 00:02:53.908
<v Speaker 2>Where did that happen?

00:02:54.740 --> 00:03:16.007
<v Speaker 1>If there was a certain moment, because I know people often talk about these moments of epiphany and I never felt like I had one until looking back, you realize and you can kind of draw the the lines between the inflection points of your life, so to speak and I think the biggest one for me was losing weight.

00:03:16.007 --> 00:03:31.306
<v Speaker 1>Weirdly enough, I was always like an overweight kid, kind of like 20 pounds, 30 pounds, but then it got to a point where it was kind of progressively getting worse, because I was in a relationship where I ended that relationship.

00:03:31.306 --> 00:03:40.250
<v Speaker 1>It suddenly ended, so it fell apart and so did I and basically got to a point where I gained I think it was at the peak.

00:03:40.250 --> 00:03:46.139
<v Speaker 1>It is 75 pounds, overweight, obese, and it was horrible.

00:03:46.139 --> 00:03:49.811
<v Speaker 1>It felt like there was no getting better.

00:03:49.811 --> 00:04:05.889
<v Speaker 1>And that was the point where I was like, if I can overcome that, if I can do that, then all this other stuff isn't as hard as that, because that was the demon, that was the thing that I was really battling for years.

00:04:06.280 --> 00:04:08.943
<v Speaker 2>And so was that a discipline thing for you?

00:04:08.943 --> 00:04:10.544
<v Speaker 2>Was it just a decision thing?

00:04:10.544 --> 00:04:12.887
<v Speaker 2>What happened for you to choose?

00:04:13.347 --> 00:04:23.999
<v Speaker 1>this is my new performance standard was a friend of mine, luis, who literally like called me five minutes ago.

00:04:23.999 --> 00:04:25.680
<v Speaker 1>We still are friends to this day.

00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:34.004
<v Speaker 1>This was 10 years ago and he saw the place that I was in in my life and then he was like I feel like you need a fresh start.

00:04:34.004 --> 00:04:44.990
<v Speaker 1>It was one of those moments where someone comes and like grabs you by the shoulders and like metaphorically shakes you in life and he was like come, stay with me in California for six weeks, just get back up on your feet.

00:04:44.990 --> 00:04:53.384
<v Speaker 1>And he was the kind of guy and still is the kind of guy that is, by every definition of the word, a high performer.

00:04:53.384 --> 00:04:54.528
<v Speaker 1>He is that guy.

00:04:54.528 --> 00:04:59.165
<v Speaker 1>He lived in California, he had a business, he had a car.

00:04:59.721 --> 00:05:03.031
<v Speaker 1>I was like he made it, he did it, he is success.

00:05:03.031 --> 00:05:08.072
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, maybe, if I get around that, maybe a little bit of that magic will rub off on me.

00:05:08.072 --> 00:05:09.177
<v Speaker 1>That was my thought process.

00:05:09.177 --> 00:05:23.687
<v Speaker 1>So I literally booked a one way ticket from Toronto to California, lived with him for six weeks and for the first time I was in an environment with someone that held me to a higher standard that I saw within myself.

00:05:23.687 --> 00:05:33.233
<v Speaker 1>He actually and sometimes you got to have someone that believes in you more than you believe in yourself in order to get to that next level.

00:05:33.233 --> 00:05:38.569
<v Speaker 1>So that wasn't everything, but that was the catalyst for sure.

00:05:38.569 --> 00:05:54.699
<v Speaker 1>That was that inflection moment that like kind of turned everything and it made it really turned that corner into what I felt like I could be, which was the catalyst for it all so since then you've gone and done amazing things.

00:05:54.819 --> 00:05:59.151
<v Speaker 2>But is there a formula in your head for success, like is there a set of ingredients?

00:05:59.151 --> 00:06:01.124
<v Speaker 2>How do you feel success happens?

00:06:01.985 --> 00:06:04.892
<v Speaker 1>yeah, I would say the formula.

00:06:04.892 --> 00:06:18.673
<v Speaker 1>I'd say the formula for success is similar to the formula of confidence, which is something that I talk about called the confidence cycle, which is basically three decisions that fuel or start the process of building confidence.

00:06:18.673 --> 00:06:22.589
<v Speaker 1>But I also think the ingredients of success and here they are there are three.

00:06:22.589 --> 00:06:30.173
<v Speaker 1>Number one you have to be able to generate energy, because the goal that you have does not matter if you do not have enough energy to pursue it.

00:06:30.173 --> 00:06:34.269
<v Speaker 1>People do not rise to the level of their goals, they fall to the level of their energy.

00:06:34.269 --> 00:06:35.291
<v Speaker 1>That's number one.

00:06:35.800 --> 00:06:41.173
<v Speaker 1>The second is that confident people or I find successful people practice courage.

00:06:41.173 --> 00:06:46.226
<v Speaker 1>They don't have courage, they weren't born with courage.

00:06:46.226 --> 00:06:58.810
<v Speaker 1>They practice it, which means exposure to the things that freak you out, exposure to the discomfort, exposure to the fear, because people give the stupidest advice and say overcome your fears.

00:06:58.810 --> 00:07:00.980
<v Speaker 1>Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

00:07:00.980 --> 00:07:06.370
<v Speaker 1>It's like all of that advice great, but it's actually not rooted in the research or the science.

00:07:06.370 --> 00:07:11.302
<v Speaker 1>They literally did the brain scans that show fear and courage coexist, they're one in the same.

00:07:11.302 --> 00:07:15.230
<v Speaker 1>You can't actually detach the two from the experience.

00:07:15.230 --> 00:07:20.067
<v Speaker 1>So it isn't about overcoming fear, it's about building better relationship with it.

00:07:20.649 --> 00:07:27.826
<v Speaker 1>That's the second commonality, common trait that over the past decade of research on confidence, that is the common through line.

00:07:27.826 --> 00:07:30.139
<v Speaker 1>They generate energy, they practice courage.

00:07:30.139 --> 00:07:33.129
<v Speaker 1>And the third is that they prioritize action.

00:07:33.129 --> 00:07:46.093
<v Speaker 1>They prioritize the single step forward and they understand that your life, your success, your confidence is not going to be a sum product of the ideas that you have.

00:07:46.093 --> 00:07:52.495
<v Speaker 1>It will be a product of the actions that you take, the steps that you engage with every single day.

00:07:52.495 --> 00:07:58.810
<v Speaker 1>So those would be the three success formula, steps that I would go with.

00:07:59.050 --> 00:08:05.829
<v Speaker 2>So let's just flip it on its head just for a second, because you touched on it there a little bit about you know, getting to the edge of your fear.

00:08:05.829 --> 00:08:06.571
<v Speaker 2>All that stuff.

00:08:06.571 --> 00:08:09.958
<v Speaker 2>Is failure a part of success for you?

00:08:09.958 --> 00:08:10.680
<v Speaker 2>Is it separate?

00:08:10.680 --> 00:08:14.168
<v Speaker 2>What's your theory on the relationship between failure and success?

00:08:15.009 --> 00:08:15.951
<v Speaker 1>I think it's integral.

00:08:15.951 --> 00:08:25.214
<v Speaker 1>I think you can't have failure without having an unbelievable enthusiasm towards failure.

00:08:25.214 --> 00:08:30.704
<v Speaker 1>And I think, like people try to reframe failure and say, no, you didn't fail, you learned.

00:08:30.704 --> 00:08:31.447
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, no, no.

00:08:31.447 --> 00:08:36.956
<v Speaker 1>Let's let it be clear Failure still sucks.

00:08:36.956 --> 00:08:45.157
<v Speaker 1>It's hard to be rejected, it's hard to fail, it's hard to fall short of the goal, it's hard to do all those things.

00:08:45.157 --> 00:08:52.240
<v Speaker 1>So, instead of reframing it right away, too quickly, and saying, no, I didn't fail, I grew.

00:08:52.240 --> 00:09:05.182
<v Speaker 1>No, no, you failed, you actually weren't good enough and that's totally okay, because then that facilitates your next opportunity, that facilitates your next chance to win, even if you failed.

00:09:05.182 --> 00:09:08.706
<v Speaker 1>It's like okay, I figured out what didn't work.

00:09:08.706 --> 00:09:09.667
<v Speaker 1>Awesome, that's great.

00:09:09.667 --> 00:09:15.032
<v Speaker 1>I failed, I'm going to keep moving forward, I'm going to keep taking this step, I'm going to keep taking the action, and then so on and so forth.

00:09:15.032 --> 00:09:19.480
<v Speaker 1>So I think it is like it is your ticket in the door.

00:09:19.500 --> 00:09:20.043
<v Speaker 2>Got it got.

00:09:20.043 --> 00:09:37.336
<v Speaker 2>I want to go back to that formula just for a second, but before we do that, um, I want you to you talk about your dog brody a lot and I'd love the reason why you teach that, because I think that's super important for people to understand yeah.

00:09:37.717 --> 00:09:42.327
<v Speaker 1>So brody for those of you listening or watching that have no idea is my puppy.

00:09:42.327 --> 00:09:48.253
<v Speaker 1>He's two years old, but he is still a psychopath, like he was a little puppy, like he never grew up.

00:09:48.253 --> 00:09:49.316
<v Speaker 1>He really did it.

00:09:49.316 --> 00:10:21.486
<v Speaker 1>Like he gets so excited that when people come over he pees on everyone all the time, every single time, and the thing that he is my role model for genuinely to this day I was talking about this at a presentation I had two days ago is that he doesn't ever need a reason or a justification to be excited or to be energetic, and I found that for myself and for everyone that I've ever worked with everyone in my family, all my my friends, all of us do.

00:10:22.576 --> 00:10:33.820
<v Speaker 1>We all have these conditions on our energy Only when I go on the vacation, only when I go on the trip, only if things are going well, only if my revenue is growing year over year, only if I get the deal, only if.

00:10:33.820 --> 00:10:41.779
<v Speaker 1>And then what happens is a lot of people have these only if and only when, inflection points of energy throughout the year that rarely come around.

00:10:41.779 --> 00:10:43.243
<v Speaker 1>What's the most popular?

00:10:43.243 --> 00:10:44.384
<v Speaker 1>January 1st?

00:10:44.384 --> 00:10:45.145
<v Speaker 1>What do people say?

00:10:45.145 --> 00:10:47.250
<v Speaker 1>New year, new me.

00:10:47.250 --> 00:10:50.142
<v Speaker 1>They buy the, they buy the little lemons.

00:10:50.142 --> 00:10:55.895
<v Speaker 1>They sign up for the yoga studio and then they feel really inspired.

00:10:55.895 --> 00:11:02.768
<v Speaker 1>But that inspiration then fades and 76% of people fall off by halfway through February.

00:11:03.649 --> 00:11:03.870
<v Speaker 1>Why?

00:11:03.870 --> 00:11:06.062
<v Speaker 1>It's not that they didn't know how.

00:11:06.062 --> 00:11:07.841
<v Speaker 1>That's the biggest misconception.

00:11:07.841 --> 00:11:09.019
<v Speaker 1>People would say I just didn't know how.

00:11:09.019 --> 00:11:11.123
<v Speaker 1>That's actually not true.

00:11:11.123 --> 00:11:12.922
<v Speaker 1>You just didn't have the energy for it.

00:11:12.922 --> 00:11:20.028
<v Speaker 1>So I think, if we're able to invest in our energy, I think that's the step before confidence.

00:11:20.028 --> 00:11:32.356
<v Speaker 1>That's the step before confidence, that's the step before success, that's the step before taking the big leap is having enough energy to invest into the area of your life that you would like to grow in, like.

00:11:32.356 --> 00:11:40.619
<v Speaker 1>You need to direct your energy to that, because if you're operating at a level one or level two or level three energy and you're exhausted, there's no way you're gonna get the result.

00:11:40.619 --> 00:11:42.604
<v Speaker 1>There's no way you're going to achieve the goal.

00:11:42.604 --> 00:11:45.821
<v Speaker 1>So you got to focus on the energy first and then the rest will follow.

00:11:45.821 --> 00:11:46.844
<v Speaker 1>Got it?

00:11:47.466 --> 00:11:48.831
<v Speaker 2>You know it's interesting.

00:11:48.831 --> 00:12:03.168
<v Speaker 2>You talked about going to visit your buddy for six weeks and I guess that helped build the discipline for you and that muscle, I guess, of building your energy, and then you had the energy to keep going.

00:12:03.168 --> 00:12:05.822
<v Speaker 2>I guess that's why a lot of people love having a coach.

00:12:05.822 --> 00:12:08.009
<v Speaker 2>Is for that reason.

00:12:08.009 --> 00:12:17.576
<v Speaker 2>Have you seen any correlation between coaching or between having an accountability partner or whatever thing, and the confidence and success?

00:12:18.577 --> 00:12:20.542
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely.

00:12:20.542 --> 00:12:49.025
<v Speaker 1>Your level of confidence will be the average of the five people you spend the most time with, just like they say, your bank account, your net worth, your whatever the quote is, it's the exact same thing, and finding someone who has already done the thing that you want to do and finding out how they did it is the fastest road to turn decades of research and trial and error into months of time.

00:12:49.025 --> 00:12:57.196
<v Speaker 1>Where I remember the switch, where having not only accountability partners, because I have I have mastermind groups that I'm a part of.

00:12:57.196 --> 00:13:02.268
<v Speaker 1>I have a mastermind that we have met every other week for the past seven years.

00:13:02.268 --> 00:13:06.065
<v Speaker 1>They were there when I closed my first deal in business.

00:13:06.065 --> 00:13:09.998
<v Speaker 1>They were there through everything, every single thing.

00:13:09.998 --> 00:13:12.225
<v Speaker 1>We met every other week for seven years.

00:13:13.014 --> 00:13:19.418
<v Speaker 1>There's also something to be said about specialized knowledge or specialized coaching, where I have coaches.

00:13:19.418 --> 00:13:21.304
<v Speaker 1>In health and fitness, I have a coach.

00:13:21.304 --> 00:13:26.005
<v Speaker 1>I have a coach in terms of finances, I have a coach in terms of speaking and my career.

00:13:26.005 --> 00:13:37.578
<v Speaker 1>I have coaches in every single area of my life, because I realized I don't know everything and I can't get to the level of mastery in everything.

00:13:37.578 --> 00:13:56.105
<v Speaker 1>So let me find someone that has already gained mastery in that see what they did, model them and then shorten my learning curve and you basically just save all of the trial and error of should I try this, should I not try this for years?

00:13:56.105 --> 00:14:01.006
<v Speaker 1>It is the fastest road to I think success, confidence Insert outcome here.

00:14:01.006 --> 00:14:01.719
<v Speaker 1>So let's go road to I think success, confidence insert outcome here.

00:14:02.475 --> 00:14:04.419
<v Speaker 2>So let's go back to the energy things.

00:14:04.419 --> 00:14:09.659
<v Speaker 2>What's two or three or four things that someone can do to get that energy up?

00:14:09.740 --> 00:14:15.094
<v Speaker 1>if that's step one, yeah, three main pillars for energy.

00:14:15.094 --> 00:14:16.216
<v Speaker 1>We'll run through these really quick.

00:14:16.216 --> 00:14:18.499
<v Speaker 1>Number one is your physical energy.

00:14:18.499 --> 00:14:21.583
<v Speaker 1>That is what you are eating, what you're drinking, how you're moving.

00:14:21.583 --> 00:14:26.110
<v Speaker 1>If you're not moving 20 minutes a day, you're not even in the game.

00:14:26.110 --> 00:14:34.576
<v Speaker 1>If you're not drinking water consistently, if you're not eating green whole foods, you don't have to go keto.

00:14:34.576 --> 00:14:36.597
<v Speaker 1>I don't need you to go raw vegan, just eating healthy, common sense wise.

00:14:36.597 --> 00:14:45.768
<v Speaker 1>No, raw vegan like just eating healthy, common sense, wise drinking water, moving your body, getting eight hours of sleep, cold exposure as a bonus.

00:14:45.768 --> 00:14:48.730
<v Speaker 1>If you're getting freezing cold water, I promise it'll change your life and your energy.

00:14:48.730 --> 00:14:50.495
<v Speaker 1>That's number one.

00:14:50.515 --> 00:14:58.986
<v Speaker 1>Number two is psychological energy, because I think you could probably agree that you can think yourself into tired, but you can also think yourself into energy.

00:14:58.986 --> 00:15:08.601
<v Speaker 1>There's a reason why the day before Christmas, day, before an exciting trip, you could get two hours of sleep, but you somehow still find the energy that comes from your psychology.

00:15:08.601 --> 00:15:12.863
<v Speaker 1>So what you anchor to is excitement and to not go into the rabbit hole.

00:15:12.863 --> 00:15:22.240
<v Speaker 1>It's something called anticipation psychology, which basically invites that good feeling into the present moment just by focusing on the things you were looking forward to, excited about.

00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:23.644
<v Speaker 1>Look at your next 30 days.

00:15:23.644 --> 00:15:27.200
<v Speaker 1>If you don't have one thing a week that you're excited about, you got to change something up.

00:15:27.741 --> 00:15:35.615
<v Speaker 1>And then the third pillar is environmental, which is there are people that you talk to that after talking to them, you feel like you need to take a nap.

00:15:35.615 --> 00:15:43.238
<v Speaker 1>Or there's people that you talk to that, after talking to them, you feel lit up, you're charged up, you're ready to go.

00:15:43.238 --> 00:15:45.326
<v Speaker 1>I call those drainers and chargers.

00:15:45.326 --> 00:15:49.037
<v Speaker 1>Limit the amount of time you spend with people that drain your energy.

00:15:49.037 --> 00:15:53.966
<v Speaker 1>Maximize or find people that add to your energy.

00:15:53.966 --> 00:15:59.726
<v Speaker 1>Those three things will transform your energy more than anything else love it, it, love it.

00:16:00.067 --> 00:16:00.308
<v Speaker 2>Okay.

00:16:00.308 --> 00:16:03.719
<v Speaker 2>So let's dive into practicing courage.

00:16:03.719 --> 00:16:09.188
<v Speaker 2>Step two and how does someone first move into that space?

00:16:09.188 --> 00:16:10.417
<v Speaker 2>Is there a mindset shift?

00:16:10.417 --> 00:16:12.120
<v Speaker 2>Do we do something?

00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:13.224
<v Speaker 2>How do we do that?

00:16:13.966 --> 00:16:25.081
<v Speaker 1>So courage is situation and person specific, because what would be courageous for me may not be courageous for someone else, and vice versa For some people.

00:16:25.081 --> 00:16:30.621
<v Speaker 1>A common example here is some people need a lot of courage for public speaking.

00:16:30.621 --> 00:16:31.525
<v Speaker 1>They need.

00:16:31.525 --> 00:16:33.052
<v Speaker 1>They're terrified of speaking public.

00:16:33.052 --> 00:16:36.543
<v Speaker 1>For some people they're natural at that and they've never been afraid of that.

00:16:36.543 --> 00:16:39.157
<v Speaker 1>I have a friend, kyle, who is a professional speaker.

00:16:39.157 --> 00:16:43.826
<v Speaker 1>We've been in this world for like 10 years and he isn't afraid of speaking at all.

00:16:43.826 --> 00:16:44.868
<v Speaker 1>He never has been.

00:16:44.868 --> 00:16:46.636
<v Speaker 1>I had the opposite experience.

00:16:46.636 --> 00:16:48.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm still kind of nervous.

00:16:48.400 --> 00:16:56.184
<v Speaker 1>Even if I do a venue of like a few thousand people, I still have to skip and do pushups backstage, and I do it 60 or 70 times a year.

00:16:56.184 --> 00:17:02.716
<v Speaker 1>So there's different dynamics and relationships when it comes to courage for everyone.

00:17:02.716 --> 00:17:03.438
<v Speaker 1>Everyone is different.

00:17:03.438 --> 00:17:06.026
<v Speaker 1>That's the disclaimer I want to kind of start with.

00:17:06.855 --> 00:17:15.661
<v Speaker 1>The change and the shift when it comes to courage is that some people think that, oh, okay, I just need to step outside of my comfort zone.

00:17:15.661 --> 00:17:17.125
<v Speaker 1>Here's what most people do.

00:17:17.125 --> 00:17:21.787
<v Speaker 1>They step out, it's scary, they get rejected, they fail.

00:17:21.787 --> 00:17:26.141
<v Speaker 1>So then they step back in and then they do a little dance and they actually never grow.

00:17:26.141 --> 00:17:28.784
<v Speaker 1>They just step out momentarily and then step back in.

00:17:28.784 --> 00:17:31.375
<v Speaker 1>It's not about stepping out of your comfort zone.

00:17:31.375 --> 00:17:38.118
<v Speaker 1>It's about expanding your threshold of what you find comfortable, and the only way to do that is by consistently scheduling courage.

00:17:38.118 --> 00:17:40.161
<v Speaker 1>Only way to do that is by consistently scheduling courage.

00:17:40.781 --> 00:17:45.667
<v Speaker 1>If you're nervous about public speaking, where is that on your calendar every week?

00:17:45.667 --> 00:17:58.430
<v Speaker 1>If you're nervous about going to meet new friends, especially in a post-pandemic world that we're living in, where even people and people think it's like oh no, it's just your friends that are in their late 20s, early 30s.

00:17:58.430 --> 00:18:10.602
<v Speaker 1>Fortune 100 executives that I was with a month and a half ago people in American Express, you would think the most confident people still struggle with social dynamics.

00:18:10.602 --> 00:18:20.185
<v Speaker 1>So whether that's going to say hi to five new people every week and starting new conversations so I think it's having courage on the calendar conversations.

00:18:20.185 --> 00:18:22.569
<v Speaker 1>So I think it's having courage on the calendar.

00:18:22.569 --> 00:18:24.172
<v Speaker 1>Having courage on the calendar.

00:18:24.172 --> 00:18:32.777
<v Speaker 1>If you're coasting, if your next 30 days don't have anything that are stretching, you're pushing you, you're not practicing or developing courage and no wonder why you're in the same place six months from now.

00:18:32.777 --> 00:18:37.336
<v Speaker 1>So you got to put those things on the calendar and say this is where I'm stretching myself.

00:18:37.336 --> 00:18:39.138
<v Speaker 1>This is where I'm pushing myself.

00:18:40.299 --> 00:18:48.500
<v Speaker 2>So let's say I do that and I do get back inside my comfort zone and I'm like, okay, I'm not sure I can push myself again.

00:18:48.500 --> 00:18:51.606
<v Speaker 2>What does it take to keep doing that?

00:18:51.606 --> 00:18:52.395
<v Speaker 2>I guess, how do I?

00:18:52.395 --> 00:18:54.942
<v Speaker 2>How do I get myself to do it over and over again?

00:18:54.942 --> 00:18:55.944
<v Speaker 2>I?

00:18:55.984 --> 00:19:03.518
<v Speaker 1>was going to bring it back to energy, but I'll actually take it one step further and say the mechanism we need.

00:19:03.518 --> 00:19:07.653
<v Speaker 1>When you're hesitant, I don't know if I can do this any longer.

00:19:07.653 --> 00:19:08.095
<v Speaker 1>I'm tired.

00:19:08.095 --> 00:19:10.073
<v Speaker 1>You got to pour more energy into it.

00:19:10.073 --> 00:19:11.146
<v Speaker 1>How do you?

00:19:11.146 --> 00:19:19.116
<v Speaker 1>What facilitates your willingness to pour more energy into something A strong reason why so many people talk about?

00:19:20.067 --> 00:19:21.554
<v Speaker 1>I was having this conversation two days ago.

00:19:21.554 --> 00:19:32.478
<v Speaker 1>I had a keynote in Montana for an association annual conference and we're having this conversation where they were like I just don't, I can't find the motivation, I just can't feel motivated.

00:19:32.478 --> 00:19:37.491
<v Speaker 1>The root word of motivation is motive, which means reasons.

00:19:37.491 --> 00:19:42.440
<v Speaker 1>Motivation in Latin is motivus, which means a moving cause.

00:19:42.440 --> 00:19:46.872
<v Speaker 1>The reason why people are not motivated is because they lack motive.

00:19:46.872 --> 00:19:54.192
<v Speaker 1>Because, if you let me give you this example, someone's like I don't have the motivation to eat healthy.

00:19:54.192 --> 00:19:56.593
<v Speaker 1>I don't have the motivation to eat salad.

00:19:56.593 --> 00:19:58.751
<v Speaker 1>I just love pizza and sushi.

00:19:58.751 --> 00:19:59.694
<v Speaker 1>I wanna enjoy my life.

00:19:59.694 --> 00:20:00.790
<v Speaker 1>I just don't have the motivation, no, no, to enjoy my life.

00:20:00.790 --> 00:20:01.585
<v Speaker 1>I just don't have the motivation.

00:20:01.585 --> 00:20:01.986
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, no.

00:20:01.986 --> 00:20:03.068
<v Speaker 1>You just don't have the motive.

00:20:03.349 --> 00:20:11.685
<v Speaker 1>If a doctor told you you have six months to live If you keep eating the way you eat, but if you start eating salads, you'll live for the rest of your life.

00:20:11.685 --> 00:20:14.351
<v Speaker 1>What's that person going to eat?

00:20:14.351 --> 00:20:17.016
<v Speaker 1>Probably salads.

00:20:17.016 --> 00:20:18.259
<v Speaker 1>Are they going to miss a day?

00:20:18.259 --> 00:20:19.107
<v Speaker 1>Probably not.

00:20:19.107 --> 00:20:19.935
<v Speaker 1>They're going to have a day Probably not.

00:20:19.935 --> 00:20:22.950
<v Speaker 1>They're going to have perfect diligence, perfect consistency.

00:20:22.950 --> 00:20:26.519
<v Speaker 1>They're going to be 100% dialed in.

00:20:26.519 --> 00:20:27.161
<v Speaker 1>Why?

00:20:27.161 --> 00:20:28.022
<v Speaker 1>What changed?

00:20:28.022 --> 00:20:29.867
<v Speaker 1>The only variable was their motive.

00:20:29.867 --> 00:20:40.508
<v Speaker 1>The only variable, it was not their skill set, it wasn't their genetics, it wasn't their confidence, it wasn't their background, their experience, their track record, their wins in the past.

00:20:40.508 --> 00:20:45.077
<v Speaker 1>It was only their motive, and they completely transformed their ability to stick to something.

00:20:45.077 --> 00:20:47.854
<v Speaker 1>It is never a matter of motivation.

00:20:47.854 --> 00:20:49.131
<v Speaker 1>It's always a matter of motive.

00:20:49.131 --> 00:20:55.851
<v Speaker 1>So I would tell that person you got to get connected to the reason why you're doing this, like, why does this really matter?

00:20:55.851 --> 00:21:01.551
<v Speaker 1>Because a lot of people have surface level reasons that they don't connect to and they wonder why they don't feel motivated.

00:21:01.551 --> 00:21:03.276
<v Speaker 1>So I would say that that would be the thing.

00:21:03.845 --> 00:21:05.148
<v Speaker 2>Well, hey there and thanks for listening.

00:21:05.148 --> 00:21:10.295
<v Speaker 2>I've noticed that 78% of you are brand new, which means you haven't hit the subscribe button yet.

00:21:10.295 --> 00:21:17.484
<v Speaker 2>By subscribing, you help us bring on even better guests, better quality content and serve you better with even more podcasts.

00:21:17.484 --> 00:21:19.711
<v Speaker 2>So please hit that subscribe button.

00:21:19.711 --> 00:21:20.875
<v Speaker 2>It only takes a second.

00:21:20.875 --> 00:21:22.367
<v Speaker 2>It makes a huge difference.

00:21:22.367 --> 00:21:28.431
<v Speaker 2>If you support us, we're going to support your success and help you achieve big success together.

00:21:28.431 --> 00:21:31.780
<v Speaker 2>So, third step prioritizing action.

00:21:31.780 --> 00:21:38.967
<v Speaker 2>Give me more understanding of how do I do that, what's the steps, how do I make sure that I'm actually doing that day in, day out or month in month?

00:21:39.067 --> 00:21:39.207
<v Speaker 1>out.

00:21:39.207 --> 00:21:49.690
<v Speaker 1>I think over the past few years there has been this rise in these 30-day challenges 75 hard, 90 days to the best version of yourself.

00:21:49.690 --> 00:21:54.307
<v Speaker 1>And I think those are great and I've done them with friends and they're fun.

00:21:54.307 --> 00:22:01.182
<v Speaker 1>But the goal of those then becomes crossing a finish line as opposed to transformation.

00:22:01.182 --> 00:22:09.746
<v Speaker 1>And I find that some people structure their goals too much like a finish line goal as opposed to a transformation goal.

00:22:09.746 --> 00:22:16.137
<v Speaker 1>So they'll say, okay, I got 30 days, I got 60 days by the end of this year.

00:22:16.137 --> 00:22:18.228
<v Speaker 1>This year I want to make this much money.

00:22:18.228 --> 00:22:21.477
<v Speaker 1>All those things are great, but it's a finish line goal.

00:22:22.746 --> 00:22:29.333
<v Speaker 1>And if you set a finish line goal, that kind of caps your potential and you think it's a really good goal at the moment.

00:22:29.333 --> 00:22:30.710
<v Speaker 1>What if you blow past that?

00:22:30.710 --> 00:22:34.976
<v Speaker 1>Then you unconsciously let yourself ease off the gas because you already hit it.

00:22:34.976 --> 00:22:51.410
<v Speaker 1>So I think what's more important is having a transformation goal, which a transformation goal is saying here's the system that I'm going to engage with every single day, every single week, instead of I'm going to get a six pack.

00:22:51.410 --> 00:22:53.836
<v Speaker 1>It's I'm going to be a fit person.

00:22:53.836 --> 00:22:56.146
<v Speaker 1>What does that person do they get?

00:22:56.146 --> 00:22:58.666
<v Speaker 1>In the gym every day, they work out daily.

00:22:58.666 --> 00:22:58.946
<v Speaker 1>They go on.

00:22:58.946 --> 00:22:59.669
<v Speaker 1>They get in the gym every day.

00:22:59.669 --> 00:23:00.309
<v Speaker 1>They work out daily, they go on.

00:23:00.309 --> 00:23:06.019
<v Speaker 1>So I think that's the difference between a finish line goal and a transformation goal.

00:23:08.224 --> 00:23:09.248
<v Speaker 2>I think those would be the two.

00:23:09.248 --> 00:23:12.257
<v Speaker 2>How do we set more transformation goals then?

00:23:12.257 --> 00:23:23.028
<v Speaker 2>Because if you take the motive and the transformation, I think we got to get better at doing that or deciding a transformation goal got to get better at doing that or deciding a transformation goal.

00:23:23.048 --> 00:23:37.240
<v Speaker 1>I think it's engaging with the right timeline because naturally many of us are impatient and we want the six pack after eating the salad, we want the million dollar net worth after opening the LLC or just by starting the job.

00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:54.116
<v Speaker 1>I think there needs to be a level of patience and of playing a future that isn't in the next month or three months or six months or five years, like the fastest road to confidence is acting like the person you want to be in the future.

00:23:54.116 --> 00:23:57.807
<v Speaker 1>Now that person would actually speak up in the meeting.

00:23:57.807 --> 00:24:00.992
<v Speaker 1>That person would put themselves out there more that person.

00:24:00.992 --> 00:24:03.778
<v Speaker 1>So it's reverse engineering where you would like to be in the future.

00:24:03.818 --> 00:24:14.695
<v Speaker 1>So I think actually the counterintuitive first step of it all is having a clear and massive vision for the person you want to be and the kind of life you want to create, unabridged like.

00:24:14.695 --> 00:24:22.477
<v Speaker 1>Literally sit down and write out exactly the kind of life you want to live the house you want to live in the career you want to have the house you want to live in the career.

00:24:22.477 --> 00:24:23.798
<v Speaker 1>You want to have the car you want to drive everything.

00:24:23.798 --> 00:24:29.606
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't matter if it's materialistic or how much you want to give back, or the schools that you want to build, or whatever it is.

00:24:29.606 --> 00:24:36.095
<v Speaker 1>Just draw that out and then ask yourself the question of how would that person act now?

00:24:36.095 --> 00:24:39.213
<v Speaker 1>What would that person be doing now?

00:24:39.213 --> 00:24:44.108
<v Speaker 1>Because that person probably wouldn't sleep in until 10 am.

00:24:44.108 --> 00:24:47.896
<v Speaker 1>That person probably wouldn't have three tequila drinks on the weekend.

00:24:47.896 --> 00:24:48.878
<v Speaker 1>That person wouldn't.

00:24:48.878 --> 00:24:50.270
<v Speaker 1>So it's reverse engineering.

00:24:50.270 --> 00:24:52.750
<v Speaker 1>What would that person do right now?

00:24:52.750 --> 00:24:53.894
<v Speaker 1>Got it.

00:24:55.366 --> 00:25:03.788
<v Speaker 2>One step above all of this how do I, as a leader, bring out more confidence in my team Amazing question.

00:25:03.847 --> 00:25:18.886
<v Speaker 1>It's something that I think has been more important and relevant now than ever before, because people feel underappreciated, undervalued, and then what happens when they do is that they leave, which is why people are thinking that there's this massive retention problem.

00:25:18.886 --> 00:25:40.393
<v Speaker 1>There isn't a retention problem, there's an appreciation problem, and I think there's something that I call confidence capital, which is basically that there's something in the way that you can inspire confidence in someone else in the simplest way, just by saying hey, you crushed that presentation today.

00:25:40.393 --> 00:25:42.628
<v Speaker 1>Hey, you did really well today.

00:25:42.628 --> 00:25:44.915
<v Speaker 1>I just want to say you're doing such a fantastic job.

00:25:45.325 --> 00:25:53.229
<v Speaker 1>It's taking the moments and taking the beats to acknowledge people for what they've been doing great and who they are.

00:25:53.229 --> 00:25:58.125
<v Speaker 1>Because sometimes people need that acknowledgement from someone that isn't themselves.

00:25:58.125 --> 00:26:02.634
<v Speaker 1>Because when we give ourselves that acknowledgement, we sometimes may feel like it's arrogance.

00:26:02.634 --> 00:26:09.165
<v Speaker 1>We sometimes may feel like, oh no, we don't want to show up, we don't want to show off, we don't want to boast, we don't want to be arrogant.

00:26:09.165 --> 00:26:18.732
<v Speaker 1>When someone else tells us, it kind of gives us permission to believe it and it gives us permission to say like, whoa, maybe they're right, that's awesome.

00:26:18.732 --> 00:26:22.660
<v Speaker 1>So, as a leader or a manager or a VP or a CEO.

00:26:22.660 --> 00:26:30.554
<v Speaker 1>You need to be in a place where you are consistently pouring into your people in the smallest ways.

00:26:30.554 --> 00:26:36.048
<v Speaker 1>The micro actions, comments, gestures, acknowledgements, go.

00:26:36.048 --> 00:26:38.269
<v Speaker 1>Hey, that was an awesome presentation.

00:26:38.269 --> 00:26:44.215
<v Speaker 1>Hey, I just want to say you've been in such a great mood and it really changes the dynamic for everyone in the office.

00:26:44.215 --> 00:26:49.650
<v Speaker 1>Thanks, that changes things in a major way.

00:26:50.511 --> 00:26:53.578
<v Speaker 2>You're on the Big Success Podcast Swan all the show notes.

00:26:53.578 --> 00:26:58.565
<v Speaker 2>Click on his connections, follow his stuff, read, watch, learn, do all the things.

00:26:58.565 --> 00:27:01.615
<v Speaker 2>We'll be back next week with more of your success.

00:27:03.425 --> 00:27:09.086
<v Speaker 3>You've been listening to the Big Success Podcast with the number one business coach in the world, Brad Sugars.

00:27:09.086 --> 00:27:18.636
<v Speaker 3>To learn more about how to achieve business and personal success, as well as how to level up or listen to past episodes, visit wwwbradsugarscom.