Body Count with Jasmin "Watch Jazzy" Brown

Transcript

00:00:09 Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, Sweetie. 00:00:12 Speaker 2: Today we are talking about Now this is a s It's just subject to some people body counts. That's right. 00:00:21 Speaker 1: And when I think about body count I think of the song as by Dinner Howard, and it goes, I want a freak in the morning, a freaking the eve. 00:00:29 Speaker 2: Remember that just like me, I need a rough nut brother that can satisfy me, just for me. If you are that kind of man, then I'm that kind of girl. I got a. 00:00:42 Speaker 3: Freaking secret, everybody's saying because we don't have a dab about a. 00:00:45 Speaker 2: Thing so good. 00:00:54 Speaker 1: And today I have with me one of my favorite people, somebody that I get the pleasure to work with. 00:01:00 Speaker 2: I have always admired. 00:01:01 Speaker 1: Your work, ethic, your skills, and I'm just so happy to see where your career is taking you. The incredible Jazz and Brown aka watch Jazzy, which is millions of you know her as Toya turn Up and who I recently have known her as Dejah my arch nemesis. 00:01:18 Speaker 2: Oh my god, my cheeks hurt. 00:01:23 Speaker 1: Smiling, That's how I feel when I'm working with you, because I'm. 00:01:26 Speaker 2: Like, she keeps me laughing. No, we really know. 00:01:29 Speaker 1: Literally, I can't get through a scene and Taller gets so bad. 00:01:31 Speaker 3: He's like Crystal focused because you know, were only doing it in one day, one taken with me and you, it's not fine. 00:01:37 Speaker 2: I'm like, I. 00:01:42 Speaker 1: Can't even get you out of Like before I start walking up to you, I'm like, do not laugh because you are so funny. 00:01:49 Speaker 2: I'm so proud of you. Thank you. I'm so proud you. You're my idol. You always. I know. 00:01:53 Speaker 3: I posted a real and there was like a clip of me talking to someone and I'm like, she's my idol. 00:01:57 Speaker 2: You can read my lips. I'm like, she's my idol. Yeah, you really are. 00:02:01 Speaker 3: I'll be looking like how is Crystal gonna stunt on my life today? 00:02:03 Speaker 2: And I'm just eating it up. I'm like, yes, because you just you're doing it yourself. Yeah. Well, I mean I have a lot of amazing people behind me. I do. Oh, I'm sure. 00:02:13 Speaker 3: However, when I say you're doing it by yourself, you're not attached to like a person. 00:02:17 Speaker 2: Oh I got you, guys. You know what I mean. 00:02:19 Speaker 3: Like some people like they get their claim to fame by this person or whatever, but it's like. 00:02:23 Speaker 2: It's just you. God, yes, God, God, yeah. Yes. 00:02:31 Speaker 1: So today we are talking about bodyccount, which is a very controversial topic that comes. 00:02:35 Speaker 2: Up and dating. When have you ever had a guy asked you like, so, how many people have you had sex with? 00:02:42 Speaker 3: Yes? 00:02:42 Speaker 1: I get it all the time. And I feel like after a certain age is like. 00:02:48 Speaker 3: Because you still gonna hit it, like you act like it's gonna change your mind. I feel like for men, the ones that ask, they asked to see what category they're gonna put you in. So if you only slept with under five, which I don't know nobody, I don't know none. 00:03:04 Speaker 2: Of y'all who got under five by me neither, you know what I mean, then they're like, oh yeah, she whitey material. 00:03:10 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:03:11 Speaker 2: And then if you tell them twenty six, they're gonna be like, oh no, I gotta write that off. Or you know, I'm just gonna hit it, or they might think you're easy yeah or whatever. 00:03:19 Speaker 3: But it's like, grow up, please grow up, because every new year is even the miles reset. 00:03:24 Speaker 2: That's how I feel. Whether deted my whole delist babys with one man, that's listen, reset, listen. Okay, the resolutions are not the only thing resetting on January one. Don't believe me. I love it. 00:03:46 Speaker 1: Do you feel like sometimes men are when they ask the body counts that are insecurity, are they picky? Because I know some men even there are some men that have been insecure about the men I've dated, you know, and I'm I'm I like to be honest about it because some of those relationships are with public figures and I don't want it to come up and he like, well, you never told me about this. But I've had relationships that didn't work because they couldn't stand like watching TV and seeing my ex on TV. 00:04:12 Speaker 2: That's their problem. 00:04:14 Speaker 3: I mean, like, I think a lot of men are insecure, and who I dealt with before you is before you. And if I'm telling you, hey, listen, this is the person that this is how I used to deal with them. 00:04:24 Speaker 2: Just so you know, if I. 00:04:25 Speaker 3: Ever see this personnel, you have the heads up, You have the one up instead of being like oh yeah, by the way, in the moment, then that's that's messed up. 00:04:33 Speaker 2: Yes, embarrassed, I'm not this is the thing. I'm not with them anymore for you. 00:04:39 Speaker 3: They like we but you know, in some situations, it could be a baby daddy though where it's like they're gonna be around. 00:04:45 Speaker 2: That's different. But you and I don't have any kids, so we. 00:04:50 Speaker 3: But a lot of gu I mean especially I can imagine, like the type of men that you tracked is enough to make anybody. Yeah, better have your bootstrapped on tight and you better have you better be a confident person because you are a cast. 00:05:07 Speaker 1: And you know what I'm saying, No, it's real though, because I've definitely had men like that. 00:05:11 Speaker 2: They either insecuted out that they asked me and I you. 00:05:14 Speaker 1: Know, I'm saying, you know how like someone but like uh, three it was like a number and like if she say she only had sex and four people, you know she's lying. There was like a meme that I saw that said there but like you said, they still gonna hit it, like they're still probably fall in love. 00:05:29 Speaker 2: You know. I saw. I saw who was it who wrote a book? 00:05:33 Speaker 3: I don't want to I don't want to give them press, but I remember someone wrote up somebody wrote a book and they were talking about the eleven guys that. 00:05:39 Speaker 2: They had sec that had sex with. 00:05:41 Speaker 3: And I was talking to my best friend and she was like, I ain't even taking advice from a chick that only had sex with eleven. 00:05:46 Speaker 2: She said eleven. She said, grow up, grow up. She said, I'm not even saying. I'm not reading that book. No, that's nothing in there for me. She's like, call me. 00:05:55 Speaker 3: I was crying, but I was just like, girl, you body count is just like. 00:06:01 Speaker 2: What are we doing? Yeah? 00:06:02 Speaker 1: And I feel like for women, we don't care, like we want somebody that's been experienced, because you would hope that, like a man would want that too, so he could be like, okay, please, you know what I'm. 00:06:09 Speaker 2: Saying, you learned some things. I think it's the opposite. Like if they see if a. 00:06:13 Speaker 3: Girl has a low number, that's like, oh yeah, then I can teach her some things. 00:06:17 Speaker 2: I can do this and that. 00:06:18 Speaker 3: But if I run into a dude with a low number, oh man, it's been the block. Spend the block and come back when you learn something. 00:06:24 Speaker 2: Yeah, because I'm not No, I'm not a good teacher. 00:06:27 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not hard to do it like this because I've had somebody like we're gonna get personal, like go down and like it felt like they were biting me. 00:06:38 Speaker 2: Oh girl, had somebody gnawed me down? They ate it with no time. I said, you know what get up Like it's hard to tell somebody, No, dude, this is how you need to do it. 00:06:49 Speaker 1: Yeah, I need you to go and know some other people figure it out. 00:06:56 Speaker 2: Seriously, so I do. 00:06:57 Speaker 1: I feel like there is like a pride thing that ego from men where they feel like you are more of a prize when you haven't had sex with as many men. 00:07:06 Speaker 2: And for me, I feel like that doesn't define the prize. It does. It does not define it. 00:07:10 Speaker 1: Like there's so many more components that come into making me the woman that I am. That's a gift to you and a blessing to you. Then you know what I'm saying, what I've done in my bed, you know. 00:07:19 Speaker 3: Yes, that doesn't matter because at the end of the day, when you're with someone and you have a life partner, yeah, you know what I'm saying. Y'all might be having sex for a long time, but at some point it's gonna it's gonna stop. 00:07:32 Speaker 2: It's gonna stop. 00:07:32 Speaker 3: It's gonna be you guys, Yes, what do you have after that? There's been people that I have slept with that I do not enjoy their company, you know what I'm saying. So it's like you around here thinking that I'm not a catch. I don't want you anyway period, you know what I'm saying. 00:07:44 Speaker 2: So it's like the person that I'm with now, like we have all the things. 00:07:48 Speaker 1: You do, like I love thank you, like I love it. You be up at six in the morning, baker making around it and it's somewhere around there. Yes, I love the balance that you have. You still getting it, you go get her, you still have your career, but you are up like making breakfast, making everything juicing. 00:08:15 Speaker 3: But the thing is, it's like the other people, they didn't get that side of me. So even though you might not be my first, you're my first in this space where like I never was like this, And it's not that I wasn't like that because I feel like I feel like all. 00:08:29 Speaker 2: Women have that side to them. 00:08:30 Speaker 3: It's just a man has to bring it out of them, like the right guy has to bring it out of them, and if they want to be like. 00:08:35 Speaker 2: That or whatever. But I was never like that with none of the other ones. 00:08:39 Speaker 1: Yep, it's always that one that'll bring like the wife out of you. 00:08:42 Speaker 3: Yeah, but I wanted to be but either they didn't really accept it. It wasn't it just it just didn't work, because that's the real thing it is. I dated a guy who had mommy issues, and I'm very nurturing, so I'm like you are. 00:08:54 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, let me pack your bag, let me do this, and he's like, don't touch my stuff. I can do it myself. 00:08:59 Speaker 3: And I'm just like, okay, strong independent black man who don't need know no woman. 00:09:03 Speaker 2: Oh like my bad. But I realized, like I felt like, oh my gosh, like yeah, because he didn't need that for me, and I'm like, well, dang, I've had that too, you know. And then but I think that full circle moment. 00:09:18 Speaker 3: The reason why we date is because I really encouraged him to mend that relationship with his mom. I was like, you got to talk to your mom, and you have to tell her how you feel. 00:09:26 Speaker 2: You have to you have to express. 00:09:27 Speaker 3: To her that like you're not okay, and now you're because you're going to continue to take it out on the women that come into your life and try to be like not your mom, but like as a partner of you know, when you're dating someone you're kind of you might have a little motherly similarity where you're like, I'm going to hold you accountable. I'm going to make sure you eat or just whatever those things are. Can see motherly to some people, but if you've never had that. 00:09:52 Speaker 2: It's foreign to you. You think that I'm just being extra, you know. 00:09:57 Speaker 3: Yeah, And it just didn't It just didn't work. But he were kindled his relationship with this mom, and I'm happy that I was the reason for that, and then like that's it. Yeah, but I didn't get to be how I am in my relationship now with him. 00:10:08 Speaker 2: I was trying, Yeah, like that works like that. 00:10:12 Speaker 1: It's funny because I was sating a guy and it was similar, and it seems like any guy because I'm anybody who knows me knows that when I have a man, I'm a wife. 00:10:20 Speaker 2: Like I'm showing you what you're gonna get. Girl, you're a wife to your friend, Oh like hello, thank you. 00:10:27 Speaker 1: But I try to show them like this is what you're going to get, you know, And a lot of them couldn't handle. 00:10:31 Speaker 2: They weren't in the space to recognize it. And when we break up, years of past by and they're like, she's the one that got away, I'm so tired of that, and I'm like, I know, like I'm so like grow up like you was, just say I wasn't. I wasn't man enough. I wasn't ready. Would you spend the block? No? 00:10:47 Speaker 1: I never spend both of those guys, no, because I'm like, you had me and you didn't appreciate it. 00:10:52 Speaker 2: You show me who you are. I'm good. Yeah, no, really so you never had like your him my him? 00:11:01 Speaker 3: Well when I say like, oh that's him, like the first person that comes. 00:11:05 Speaker 1: To mind, yeah, somebody did come to mind. And it was like a five year off and on thing. 00:11:10 Speaker 2: So I did. 00:11:11 Speaker 1: So I did, Like he would show me that he wasn't ready, but he would come back in and out of my life for five years, and it was just like a maybe he's ready this time, you know, maybe he's ready to receive what I have to give him and what I know I can offer. 00:11:24 Speaker 2: But yeah, it's nothing now. 00:11:27 Speaker 3: Like oh where are you at? 00:11:31 Speaker 2: You're stupid? 00:11:32 Speaker 3: I's wrong with you and you know it's messed up. 00:11:35 Speaker 2: It's like guys like that will ruin it for the other ones too. 00:11:37 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, I try not to do that, though I've tried, because I'm such a giver. I try not to allow the men who don't appreciate it ruin my heart or make me not want to get the next one because I know I'm going to run to somebody. It's like, oh, I gotta lock this down. I cannot let this girl go. 00:11:53 Speaker 2: I gotta lock this down. Do you understand what. 00:11:57 Speaker 3: Qualities are you looking forward to for somebody? For me, would even be eligible to lock it down? 00:12:02 Speaker 2: You know? 00:12:03 Speaker 1: I always say, like someone that's God fearing, someone who puts God first, always wants somebody that knows that when they see me, they got to go to God to get to me. 00:12:12 Speaker 2: What does that look like? It looks like a pray man. Yeah, man was in church. 00:12:16 Speaker 1: And their intention you see it in their actions, Like you can tell like this guy's moving with intention when it comes to me. You know what I'm saying, And how he plans which when, and how he leads his integrity, how he treats people who can do nothing for him in so many different things, how he treats his mother. 00:12:31 Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yeah, those are things that just get my ten Like I love all those things, those things that turn me on. 00:12:40 Speaker 1: And also intellect, and I'm really big on intellect. You can to get here, you got to get me here. I always say that, yeah, you're not getting in the pantings if you can't get in your head, yeah, and then you can give my head. That's like, but you have to, like I have to be mentally simulated. 00:12:58 Speaker 2: And you know, it's funny. 00:12:59 Speaker 3: Because like I think, I don't want to say, a lot of women, but this gen Z group of women that we have now, it's very much like I'm gonna sleep with who I want. I'm gonna do whatever I want. But it's like you're not really being mentally stimulated. It's more like, oh, I like this guy, I'm gonna screw him or do whatever whatever it is. But it's like, and I feel like I don't want to say I was that girl, but I used to be sexually free, like definitely lit whole face. 00:13:24 Speaker 2: Yeah, don't we talk about it, because me too. I had a whole face. Yeah, but listen, I had an amazing hole face. 00:13:30 Speaker 3: But I remember when I was mentally stimulated by someone that I never slept with, yep, and I was just like and I wrote it, Yeah, I wrote a poem about it. 00:13:38 Speaker 2: Really, I didn't know how to express myself. 00:13:40 Speaker 3: I was like we would talk for hours, super intellectual, right, and we would spend all this time together. We were just sitting in the car and we would just talk. But like I was mentally stimulating and I was like, wait, is he having sex with my. 00:13:52 Speaker 2: Mind right now? 00:13:53 Speaker 3: Like we never we never had sex, and you know what I mean. So it's it's it's crazy how like some people but don't even experience that. 00:14:01 Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't. 00:14:02 Speaker 1: And when you can get both, it's, oh yeah, like I'm liking you down. 00:14:06 Speaker 2: Oh hello, listen. 00:14:09 Speaker 1: I remember I was in college, and I think definitely I wasn't like fully mentally developed, even sexually developed, you know, like I was. I was raised in a strict home. 00:14:21 Speaker 2: Do not have sex? 00:14:22 Speaker 1: Yeah, go to church, you know, like and my mom always used to say to me, getting pregnant isn't the worst thing that can happen, because I was saying like AIDS and different and STDs, and I was like, okay, So I always had it in the back of my mind. 00:14:33 Speaker 2: But like they instilled the fear of goding me. 00:14:35 Speaker 1: So I was always scared. And I got to college. I was at shelter little girl and she was free baby. I was running rampant on that campus and I had a little boyfriend and he was at another school in Nashville, which was like three hours away, and I ended up talking to. 00:14:52 Speaker 2: The star basketball team and the star of the basketball team and he got all the girls wanted him, but I had them. 00:14:59 Speaker 1: And then I and that that he was screwing every girl on campus and it broke my heart. And it was something in that moment where I was like, if you can do. 00:15:08 Speaker 2: That, then I'm gonna do it. 00:15:10 Speaker 1: And I just like and that was my I feel like sexually liberated phase in my life where I was like, no, so I'm gonna go talk to your friend so you can see how it feels. And not knowing that every time I did that, I wasn't privy to the soul ties the damage that I was doing, and it was something I had to grow. 00:15:29 Speaker 2: I learned. 00:15:30 Speaker 1: It didn't last long because I was causing it was causing confusion within my own. 00:15:34 Speaker 2: Spirit, and I was like, what are you doing? Like, first of all, he's not worth it. 00:15:38 Speaker 1: These other men ain't worth it, like nobody's And it would be the ones that like I could just sit down and at the foot of their bed and like they would really give me good advice that I tended to just draw nearer to that put in. It reminded me that the crystal like you're worth more than It's like, you don't have to do that, you know. 00:15:55 Speaker 2: You know what's interesting. 00:15:56 Speaker 3: I was having a conversation with somebody and they were talking about how women are naturally monogamous. 00:16:01 Speaker 2: And that when women step out in their. 00:16:03 Speaker 3: Relationship, it's not revenge, but they retaliate. 00:16:07 Speaker 2: It was a retaliation, you know what I'm saying. 00:16:09 Speaker 3: So it's like, like you said, I want you to feel what I'm feeling. But men are wired completely different when they can love you to death, sleep with this one over here, and come back to you and not even think about her tomorrow. Literally, And it's like it took a long time for me to realize that because even like having conversations with my dad now that I'm older, he's like, that's how men are wired. And it's interesting that that was your sexual liberation, which it harmed you in a way because it was like you weren't really that girl, no, you know what I'm saying. So for me, like the way I started my whole phase was like I was sexually abused. Oh my god, yeah, not by any family or relatives or anybody. But like I was, I had older boyfriends and I was really young, and I was always that. 00:16:48 Speaker 2: Girl who older guys liked. 00:16:50 Speaker 3: And I used to think like, oh, it's because you know, I'm grown and this is and that's like, no, you're young and you're easing to manipulate and you know what I mean. And I had daddy issues growing up were like my dad and I have a great relationship with my dad now, but my dad wasn't raised in love. 00:17:06 Speaker 2: He was raised from survival. 00:17:07 Speaker 3: So like when he had daughters, he was just trying to survive and make a way for them. It was never like he never was like, oh, Jazz, you're doing so great. 00:17:15 Speaker 2: I love you. I'm so proud of you. 00:17:16 Speaker 3: Nowadays he's like my number one fan, yep. But I had to tell him like this is how I received love. But back then it was just like you have a roof. 00:17:25 Speaker 2: Over your head, How do you not think I don't love you? 00:17:27 Speaker 3: Or like you have I got you a car at sixteen, Like how do you not? How do you don't how come you don't feel love? But for me, I'm like words of affirmation, physical touch, quality. 00:17:39 Speaker 2: Time, all the things and my mom was all those things. 00:17:42 Speaker 3: So like I was closer to my mother because she spoke my love language. 00:17:46 Speaker 2: And it took time. 00:17:46 Speaker 3: So it was like, Okay, I never had anyone to tell me I was beautiful. 00:17:50 Speaker 2: L' buy me flowers. 00:17:51 Speaker 3: So the first person that did it, I'm like, oh, I'll give you everything, you know what I mean. So I found myself like down this really. 00:17:59 Speaker 2: Dark of like just wanting to feel validated. 00:18:04 Speaker 3: So it was just this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy. 00:18:07 Speaker 2: This guy. You know, this goes on. And then they were all older than me, you know what I mean. 00:18:12 Speaker 3: And I was even in a situation where I dated a guy and in that essence, like when I thought about it, I. 00:18:18 Speaker 2: Was like, Yo, this nigga was like my pim. Wow. Yeah, I was just like I loved him. Well, I didn't love him, girl, I thought I thought I loved you. 00:18:27 Speaker 3: I was brainwashed because he was doing all the things, you know, And then I realized that he was like he wasn't. 00:18:32 Speaker 2: Very kind to me. He didn't have me in. 00:18:34 Speaker 3: The best situations. He wasn't considerate of my feelings. And this was like early on, I probably he was probably like the third person I had sex with because I remember like I lost my virginity to my boyfriend and then and then like I had a random encounter and then he was like the third guy that I met, and then it was like from there it was like I don't want to say I learned everything from him, but it was like it was abuse though, you know. 00:19:00 Speaker 2: And then prior to him. 00:19:01 Speaker 3: Like I or no, after him, I still dated older guys. 00:19:05 Speaker 2: So it was like it just it didn't stop. It was a vicious cycle. And then so now to be in a situation where like, oh. 00:19:13 Speaker 3: My gosh, don't do it. 00:19:15 Speaker 2: Yes, let it go, it's fine. 00:19:19 Speaker 1: But now and oh whoa, it's the clinics in my bedroom bedroom. 00:19:24 Speaker 2: Now. Just now to be in a situation and a relationship. 00:19:27 Speaker 3: Now where I am loved, you know, and I feel that, and I know what it's like for for somebody to really love you and care for you and to show you that they care and to be honest with you, you know what I mean, and tell me like, babe, like that wasn't love, and I'm like, yes it was. 00:19:43 Speaker 2: They were like this. He's like, no, that's not it. 00:19:46 Speaker 3: And we would bump heads a lot because he would keep it real with me being like and be like, I know that you love this person, but that was not love. 00:19:53 Speaker 2: I'm telling you that's not love, you know what I mean. Hopefully I don't need them. We'll just keep that just in case. 00:20:01 Speaker 3: But yeah, so I just found myself just going on and on and that's why it's like body count. 00:20:06 Speaker 2: Yeah, man, it is life. Yes. 00:20:09 Speaker 3: And then on top of that, it's like, are we naming every person that's entered us? 00:20:13 Speaker 2: Are we? Or are we naming everyone that we were connected to? Wow? 00:20:17 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, because like, yeah, I got bodies, but like they didn't care about me. 00:20:22 Speaker 2: I didn't care about them. There was no connection there, you know. 00:20:25 Speaker 3: So it's like the ones that count, those are the ones that count. 00:20:30 Speaker 2: Counts, Yes, you know what I mean. 00:20:31 Speaker 1: When was the like because I love that story and we all every woman has their own walk, and I feel like they all have a phase like that at. 00:20:39 Speaker 2: Some point in their life. What was the point where you felt like this is real love? Is it the situation you and now? 00:20:44 Speaker 1: Was there another point where you're like, this is the first time I felt this is love. 00:20:47 Speaker 2: Somebody really cares about me, and that. 00:20:50 Speaker 3: You were exposed to that well, I think I've always been a lover. So even with all the abuse and all the things, like, I still wanted love. I was like, you know the movie Pursuit of Happiness, It was like persu love, Like I was just looking for that thing. So I fell in love with a guy probably like seventeen eighteen years old, awful. I was my first love, broke my heart. I was still on the brown, like, still looking. 00:21:14 Speaker 2: I would give myself time and then I would go back out there again. You know. 00:21:17 Speaker 3: So I've been in relationships where I've loved people and they didn't always love me back the way I love. 00:21:23 Speaker 2: I feel like I always love the person more me too. 00:21:25 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like, you know when I say that to my guy now, I'm like. 00:21:28 Speaker 2: I just love you more. He was like, you can't. You don't know that. You can't say that, you know. 00:21:32 Speaker 3: But I feel like the way the way my efforts are set up and the way I am, it feels like I do I love you more. 00:21:39 Speaker 2: But it's like that. 00:21:39 Speaker 3: Doesn't mean that I actually do, you know what I mean? And men are so like it's very rare if you get someone who is like who can wholeheartedly just be vulnerable and yes, tell you like I love you. Know, when I see you in the morning, I get you know, I feel tingly. 00:21:54 Speaker 2: Like they're not fay it, you know what I'm saying. They feel it, but they just say it. 00:21:58 Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's like they're not hired that way, you know. So it's like what I learned from my dad is love languages and showing love come in other ways than the way I want. 00:22:10 Speaker 2: Yes. 00:22:11 Speaker 3: So it's like the way I receive is obviously physical time, words of affirmation, touch and all that stuff. But some people their love is like I got you your favorite snack at the gas station on my way back, gifts or yeah, or. 00:22:24 Speaker 2: Just yeah, acts of service, gifts or whatever, just like being thoughtful, like you. 00:22:28 Speaker 3: Know, baking me cookies or just things that I like or whatever that is. 00:22:32 Speaker 2: It's like it's not always like Crystal, I love you so much, You're so amazing. It's not always like that. 00:22:39 Speaker 3: It's just like I might have stocked up your fridge, or just I see a need and I need it, or like the things that you don't. 00:22:46 Speaker 2: Even have to ask me for, you know. 00:22:48 Speaker 3: So just having an open mind of like there's other ways to receive love but some people are so stubborn and it's like, wave, it ain't how I want to. 00:22:55 Speaker 2: I don't hate, I don't need I doubt it, you know what I mean? Like I see that a lot. 00:23:02 Speaker 1: Okay, So I touched on how I felt about sex and how I was raised with very strict parents, the fear of God in me. Like I couldn't date until I was sixteen. I didn't lose my virginity until I was in college. 00:23:15 Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, oh yeah, I was scared. I was scared, but that's when I just went wild. 00:23:23 Speaker 3: Like I was like, I got a dress on the days, right. 00:23:32 Speaker 2: Was me? 00:23:34 Speaker 1: What was it like with your childhood that? And how did you look at sex before you started having sex? 00:23:39 Speaker 2: You know? 00:23:39 Speaker 3: I also grew up in church, you know, and it was all like abstinence was everywhere. 00:23:44 Speaker 2: Yep, everywhere. 00:23:45 Speaker 3: But it's like when they tell you not to do something, you're kind of curious about it. And then my sister she was like I was always cute, you know, but all the. 00:23:55 Speaker 2: Men wanted my sister, you know what I mean. 00:23:57 Speaker 3: So my sister was like, you are that girl she was. She was dating our neighbor from across the street. I had a crush on. 00:24:04 Speaker 2: Then she started another guy I had a crush. It's like it's like all the guys I. 00:24:07 Speaker 3: Like she got and I'm just like yeah. But then like I noticed she was different after she started having sex. 00:24:19 Speaker 2: She noticed what was the little sister looking her? 00:24:22 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like she just was more like to me, I was like, whoa, Like she's grown up. And I think that I wanted to be grown because I wanted people to stop saying that I was cute. I wanted people to say, like, you're sexy. And I don't know why I wanted to be sexy at like ten, but I wanted to be sexy. Like my oldest sister was very sexy, and she would bring her boyfriends. 00:24:44 Speaker 2: By the house. I liked everybody's boyfriend, my sisters. I'd be like, no, I love him. Stop. 00:24:51 Speaker 3: I used to be in love with all my sisters sisters, and like, nobody ever looked at me like that, and I just was like, you know, I started wearing like all the little you know, the little I'm from Florida, so we had so our the way us ratchet girls were dressed. 00:25:05 Speaker 2: It was like it was like ratchet mixed with chonga. 00:25:09 Speaker 3: Like we were like we were like the little spandex little bottom pants, a dark lip liner, the wet curly hair, and then but. 00:25:18 Speaker 2: I might have a six piece grill to the on the bottom like yeah, like it was just. 00:25:24 Speaker 3: You know, but I always wore like a little something tight or whatever, just because I wanted people to like look at I didn't want to be cute when it was sexy, you know. And I was like Dan my sister, like she was just starting to look sexy to me like that, you like, yeah, But it wasn't like I was pressed to lose my virginity. I was fine with getting finger popped. Like I was like, hey, this is all right with me. It's like I didn't and it's so funny. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm saying this loud. I used to date this guy, I remember saying to him because I was a virgin and I would just let him finger me. And I remember saying to him like, I want you to do anything to make me say yes. 00:26:09 Speaker 2: Like to have sex with him. 00:26:10 Speaker 3: And then when I say, if you can get me to say yes, tell me no, and see how I react. 00:26:16 Speaker 2: Oh wow, because I want over you. 00:26:17 Speaker 3: When you said this girl all of what fifteen years old? 00:26:21 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying because I remember, like I wanted to know what like that feeling. 00:26:26 Speaker 3: Of like you gotta get no, you have to no, please do it, Like I wanted to know what that feeling was. 00:26:31 Speaker 2: You know, he never did it. Though he never did it. I want you to do anything. Yeah, I know, it's like what, like why are you even talking like this? Yeah, He's like, why would I tell you no? The moment I've been waiting for all that, right, you know, He's like, but it's like, girl, come here. 00:26:49 Speaker 3: But it's like I remember, like I was getting figured all the time, so I was like a fingerhole before I started like having sex. Like I would sneak out of the house go down to the park and. 00:26:58 Speaker 2: I would get picked up and I would go to the park. 00:27:00 Speaker 3: And I remember like buying like cute little underwears and like wet ceiling stuff. I remember my first thong was my mom's, Like she forgot it in the dryer and I saw it in there and I took it out and I had that one thong and I just kept rewashing. 00:27:16 Speaker 2: It was just washing the middle. 00:27:18 Speaker 3: Outwear and just washing down the middle and that it was a purple sign. 00:27:25 Speaker 2: It was my only though I wasn't allowed to wear. I wasn't either. I was gonna ask you that, like my mom did not. I couldn't wear thoughs until I got out of the house. 00:27:31 Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's why I kept washing it out. Oh, I couldn't put it in regular laundry. I had at hand wash them every day and let them air dry, like on the flat under my pillow and just put my pillow down. 00:27:42 Speaker 2: Girl, coochie smelled like meal. 00:27:44 Speaker 3: Dude, that shit ain't dry, I know, but like I wanted to be sexy. So like when I started having SA I thought I was gonna feel like, you know, you don't let it dry all the way. 00:27:59 Speaker 2: Some people like the closing the washingtons are yeah, and don't then. 00:28:05 Speaker 3: And then the people who act like they don't they can't smell like that makes me mad, Like, so you don't smell that your clothes is just sitting in there washing machine thir days. You still put him in the dry like so I know this, listen, I don't know. Shoot, And I remember like I was in high school and I had lost my virginity or no, I didn't. No, I was a virgin at the time, and it was a guy I was dating because I had so many like little here and their boyfriends, and we said we were going to be each other's first, like you know, and I remember like him going down and man, it was like so bad and I never had it done before, so I didn't know, but I remember it just being so bad. 00:28:48 Speaker 2: So I feel like a part of me was like the. 00:28:49 Speaker 3: Quest to find like why is everybody like sex so much? Like when is it gonna feel good to me? 00:28:56 Speaker 2: Like, yeah, because it does, but everybody likes it? Wow, what is that? 00:29:01 Speaker 3: So part of me was like, Okay, I'm on the quest to see you know, when. 00:29:05 Speaker 2: Is it gonna feel good? 00:29:07 Speaker 3: Because even in my abusive relationship, like I feel like I don't even know if I really enjoyed it. I feel like it was more like I was so into him. It was like whatever he wanted. 00:29:19 Speaker 2: You know what I mean, But it was never But when I. 00:29:21 Speaker 3: Got was someone who made it all about me, it was like, oh, this is. 00:29:24 Speaker 2: Different, this is different. Yeah. 00:29:26 Speaker 1: Yeah, what was the first time you felt that like or somebody Like what age were you when somebody finally came around and it made you feel. 00:29:33 Speaker 2: Like it was just about you. 00:29:36 Speaker 3: Yeah, I was on the cheerleading team at my school and one of. 00:29:40 Speaker 2: My like one of my like my gosh, what do you call each other squad members? Yeah, Like she had a y. 00:29:49 Speaker 3: She her brother in law was her brother in law, her god brother, her godbrother. 00:29:53 Speaker 2: Like we were. We used to like do car washess. 00:29:57 Speaker 3: For donations so we can raise money for camps those days. It ain't nothing, but they just out there soliciting us. Anyways, I was on the media and like, and he had came by and he would every now and then just like pull up and pick her up from school and stuff. 00:30:09 Speaker 2: And I'd be like, I was like, who is that? But obviously he was way older than me. And I remember I remember like he had came by and he was like like car wash the nation. He was like, no, I do need my car wash. 00:30:20 Speaker 3: But he had took some money and he had like put it in like my bathing suit top or something like yes, And I was just like, oh my gosh. And I remember he had a dodge knee on. It was like a slate blue dodge knee and in his rear view mirror. 00:30:35 Speaker 2: He had handcuffs and I was like, oh gosh. 00:30:38 Speaker 3: Like he's freaking who just like, no, I didn't know. 00:30:46 Speaker 2: I didn't know at the time, and I was like whoa. 00:30:49 Speaker 3: And I remember like, I don't know, not telling my friend that I liked it, and I don't I don't even know how we even connected, but we ended up connecting somehow, and he was like the first guy that like, you know, did all the things, and I was just like whoa, you know, so I would like, but I I never wanted to be his girlfriend. It was just like, no, I like that thing, like I'd rather just have sex with you. 00:31:16 Speaker 2: I don't really want to like get to know you. Was he like did that hurt him? Or was he Yeah? 00:31:21 Speaker 3: Because men get hurt too, you know what I'm saying, Like men are like, wait, what what do you mean? 00:31:26 Speaker 2: You don't want to be my girl? 00:31:27 Speaker 1: When they're hurt, it hurts worse because they're not. They're so used to being so strong and prideful that when somebody penetrates through that system is like whoa, yes, you've got to let you in and then you hurt me, so it's like I only liked you for this thing. 00:31:44 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And then it's like he. 00:31:46 Speaker 3: Would invite me to go eat or do all the things I don't want to, which is kind of that's messed up because he. 00:31:53 Speaker 2: Was a really nice He was a nice guy. 00:31:54 Speaker 1: And that's how I feel like. Some men get ruined. And I'm not saying that you ruined him, but I. 00:32:01 Speaker 2: Say it. 00:32:01 Speaker 1: They're into a woman sometimes and they don't get the outcome they want, especially when they. 00:32:06 Speaker 2: Pour into you. 00:32:07 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, the next woman is gonna get it. It's like, oh yeah, that's a fact. And that happens to women too, because men can they can definitely ruin a good woman where they're like, you know what, I'm not that's it with anybody else. 00:32:19 Speaker 2: I'm straight. 00:32:19 Speaker 3: What's the way someone can ruin you? I feel like with you if if they ruin your. 00:32:24 Speaker 2: Trust, oh definitely, yeah, I'm super big. You can tell. 00:32:29 Speaker 1: I mean I had to fire someone. 00:32:32 Speaker 2: Because of trust. 00:32:33 Speaker 1: I can deal with a lot of things. But if you lie to me, then I can't trust absolutely. 00:32:40 Speaker 2: Yeah, just let me know what it is, but give. 00:32:42 Speaker 1: Me the respect to tell me the truth where so I can make a decision versus lying to me and they let me find out the truth and then you put me at risk, Like. 00:32:52 Speaker 3: I was like, it's too much I think that, and I think it's dope that you can handle truth, because I think that a lot of women ask for that and they can't handle that. So then it's like men are like, Okay, if this is what you want, i'll give you that, and then they do it and it's like it's not a safe space. 00:33:07 Speaker 2: You know what I mean, you told me this is what you want to give you. I'm being honest. 00:33:11 Speaker 3: It's like, see, that's what this is why I don't say anything. 00:33:14 Speaker 1: Yep. 00:33:14 Speaker 3: So it's like and I feel like that's another reason why a lot of men they're not vulnerable because it's like I tried to do this and you did this, or it's like and it's not worth the risk of you leaving. 00:33:27 Speaker 2: So I'm just not gonna I'm gonna go back over here. I'm not gonna say nothing anymore. But it's like, tell me the truth, tell me the truth. 00:33:33 Speaker 3: It's like, I'm not going to tell you the truth so you can crucify me. I'm telling you the truth because I owe you that respect. But I think that there is that that like gray area of people. Tell me the truth, I can handle it, and it's like, no, babe, you can't. 00:33:49 Speaker 1: Yeah, stop asking that man for the truth. You can't for real, don't do that. Another question, at what point did you realize it? Kind of know for me, we were both raised in a society where like what you want to do another woman? 00:34:03 Speaker 2: Will you better? 00:34:04 Speaker 1: Everything is so sexually driven, like you better be sucking, you better do it all the things because that's what your man needs. At what point were because I know for me, it was a point in my life where I realized sex wasn't everything and that I was giving way too much in my soul to people who didn't deserve it. At what point were you like, you know what, I gotta switching things up, Like I'm giving and just giving my body away, adding to the body count, and it's not being appreciated or reciprocated in the way. 00:34:38 Speaker 2: That it's feeding my soul. At what point what was there a revelation where you're like, Okay, yeah, I gotta switch things up so I can get the type of love that I want. 00:34:46 Speaker 3: You know, it's funny because I think that, like when I was younger, everybody just wanted sex from me. 00:34:52 Speaker 2: Everyone, so I did it. So in my mind I thought that that's just what you want. 00:34:58 Speaker 3: I didn't have to do anything else, you know. So it wasn't until I started dating this guy. He was a songwriter, and. 00:35:05 Speaker 2: I remember just so romantic. 00:35:06 Speaker 3: They really are, they really are, And I remember like doing all the sexual things and him being like, you know, it's just not always about that, and I was just thinking like, oh my gosh, what else is there to do? 00:35:23 Speaker 2: M Because I thought this is what keeps you because that's what we're taught. 00:35:27 Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, and and my entire life that's all anybody ever wanted for me, so I never. 00:35:35 Speaker 2: Had to be more, you know. 00:35:37 Speaker 3: And I feel like that's like women now, it's like they look like a lot of men look at them like they're objects. So they do all the things to appeal to the to the baller or whatever, and then it's like, even after all of that, they still don't want you, and you're like, well, what else do I really have? 00:35:53 Speaker 2: And that was me then, and I didn't know until a man told me. 00:35:56 Speaker 3: I saw somebody that said they said, stop taking advice from men from women. You need to talk to men about men. But then I also feel like there's levels to a man. I can't just throw everybody, you know what I mean you said it's only there's a certain ten percent. 00:36:11 Speaker 1: Yes, there's a certain caliber man you need to get advice from exactly. 00:36:15 Speaker 2: But they're like with women, it's like everything is off of their experience. It's like you're not a man. Yeah right, I'm taking advice from women about men. 00:36:23 Speaker 3: But I know that in that situation, my advice was from him. It was just like everything is not always about sex. And I remember it was fourth of July. 00:36:31 Speaker 2: Girl. I was so embarrassed. 00:36:32 Speaker 3: His best friend was dating one of my friends, and I remember it. 00:36:35 Speaker 2: Was like, oh, yeah, wait for your night, and like we were. 00:36:39 Speaker 3: Barbecuing and I went and made myself a plate and just sat down and he was just like wamn. Like he was like, you're not even gonna fix my plate. 00:36:48 Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, I didn't know, wow, and he was like no, no, no, don't worry about it. And I was just like I didn't know. Okay. Yeah. I felt bad though, because I'm like I thought we were fine, Like. 00:37:03 Speaker 3: I probably gave you hell on right here right, you know what I'm saying, But it's like no, And I think his issue with me was the fact that I was a whole because. 00:37:11 Speaker 2: It is like, don't you do anything else? Yeah, but that's how you know, that's what you lead with. Yeah. 00:37:17 Speaker 3: Yeah, And it was just like it was like, oh my gosh, I had an aha moment where it was like, oh my gosh, like there has to be more. And it wasn't that I wasn't that because my mother has always been like the super submissive. Food was always on the table, clean house, kids are bathed, the whole nine. 00:37:37 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. 00:37:38 Speaker 3: So it wasn't that I didn't grow up seeing that, but it was just that that's not what I thought man wanted. 00:37:44 Speaker 2: Wow, So I never led with them. Yes, it's so good. 00:37:48 Speaker 1: And I feel like our society and influences had a lot to do with it because I thought the same thing. I thought that's all they wanted was sex, and now I thought that was a way to keep a man. 00:37:57 Speaker 2: I did, yeah, and I was like I gotta figure have to. 00:38:00 Speaker 1: That's when I started like watching porn to try to figure out like new tricks and other things to do because. 00:38:06 Speaker 2: I was sheltered. I didn't know what to do. So I was like, well I got to figure out some new things, you know, or when you watch and You're like, they can do that right. You're like, I don't know if I can do it right. You're like, oh. 00:38:17 Speaker 3: No, because it's like if it's an easy place to go to be intimidated, very much like me, if you're young and you're just you got a new boyfriend, and it's like, first of all. 00:38:26 Speaker 2: Why are you trying to swing from the chandelier? Man? You know what I'm saying, Why are you doing all of that? Why are you doing all But it's crazy because like everything that I was taught was just wrong. 00:38:38 Speaker 3: So it's like having to unlearned things now that I'm in my thirties, Like I have to unlearn that because this was unhealthy and that doesn't work with this new one. 00:38:49 Speaker 2: It doesn't, you know what I mean. 00:38:50 Speaker 3: Or you try to go in with like okay, well I've dated all these people and I have all the things, but it's just like throw them out, ye keep keep your three things and everything is not sex all this like man or hunters like they need it, right they do, but that's like you said, that's not what's. 00:39:06 Speaker 2: Gonna keep them. 00:39:08 Speaker 3: So it's like body can't hide low whatever it's I think it's all. It's all to the person yea, that that you're with, because it's like you can be you can be a girl who's only had sex with one guy and that one. 00:39:23 Speaker 2: Guy had you upside down over there, flip. 00:39:25 Speaker 3: You all have to do all these things you only know one person, and then you can have a girl who's only had sex. 00:39:30 Speaker 2: With five people once. Yeah, So it's like who has more. 00:39:34 Speaker 3: Exactly which one is more of a I don't want to say who, but it's a whole, like the amount of people or the things that you've done exactly right, Because that's the question too, like what is a whole? Like is it the amount of people you've had sex with or what you do with the people? And I think society looks at a whole it's like or you know, I'm saying, they've made it. 00:39:54 Speaker 2: Where it's the amount of people you've been with. Right, But men can go do everything and they're not a whole. They're just being a man. Yeah, they're just being a man. Women aren't supposed to But why why? I know why? We're human too. We have feelings, we have emotions, we have urges. 00:40:10 Speaker 3: Yeah, they say women don't. We're not built like that. We're not built we're emotional creatures. 00:40:14 Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's like if we find one good one, we like that one, that's all we want. You know. 00:40:19 Speaker 3: Sometimes it's five different ones and you like one thing from all of them, you know what I'm saying. 00:40:23 Speaker 2: That's that's real. 00:40:24 Speaker 3: So it's like you I think that the girls who are being labeled as whose are the ones who are like openly, like you know, doing the trips and doing all this and taking this and that, and they're very upfront about what. But it's like, but why why does that make her a hole? She's doing what she wants to do, so it makes her a whole because she's getting flued out and she's accepting gifts and trips. 00:40:47 Speaker 2: They offer that. So it's like she, so you mean to tell me a who is somebody who ain't got no discernment? Right? 00:40:53 Speaker 3: So it's like, okay, take the trip from one guy, but what if all of them, this one taking you to the moundives. 00:40:58 Speaker 2: That one taking you to do bay you and you want to go and I been there? So it got fluid out. 00:41:03 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm saying, but it's like, is a is a whole? The lack of discernment, you know what I'm saying. Or is it like or is it sexual liberation to say I'm gonna. 00:41:14 Speaker 2: Do whatever I want and why do you care? Or is it because nothing's private anymore? 00:41:20 Speaker 1: It's definitely because nothing that's a good it's nothing is private anymore. But I do feel like we are getting to a place in society where sexual liberation is more accepted than it used to be, and women are more free with saying, yes, I love to have sex, I love to have sex with different men. They're very comfortable with coming out of that word before they be like, I want. 00:41:40 Speaker 2: To talk about that, like I even know what I'm doing. They're gonna lab with me a whole. Women don't care anymore. 00:41:44 Speaker 3: They really don't, because you know why, I think that for a long time, women tried to do the things and if that didn't work, I'm gonna go do what I want to do. 00:41:53 Speaker 2: Now you get to a point where you like, I'm gonna do what I want to do. Yeah, because it's like, okay, you guys, you want me to. You ever saw that video, it was like, I act like a lady. 00:42:01 Speaker 3: Don't do this, don't eat this across your leg and you sit down, don't wear short skirts. That's that's gonna entice man wear long dresses. Do this and it's just like what And it's literally picking us apart. So it's like, if you know, I know that there's a saying that says, before you look outward, go anywhere, you know what I mean. Because it's like I could be doing all the things and I still haven't found my person or whatever. So now I'm gonna go be free or whatever. And I feel like this is the most honest I have ever been in a relationship. And this is the most loved I've ever felt in. 00:42:34 Speaker 2: A relationship, you know what I mean. And it's just like he knows. 00:42:39 Speaker 3: He's like, we're two retired thoughts that found love, you know what, because there's also space for that. 00:42:45 Speaker 2: So body count at least in my relationship. That don't matter to us. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like I'm not surprised. And then I tell him, but we share stories. I'd be like, oh my god, man, this is one time he was so musty ball be like, what, man, that's crazy? 00:43:04 Speaker 3: Anybody, Oh man, I never remember one time I was hitting this one girl and she had a piece of toilet tissue in the back in her butt crack and I was like, did you take it out? 00:43:13 Speaker 2: And he was like, I just took it out and I didn't stop. But I was just like, oh, y'all, like we share stories. 00:43:19 Speaker 3: I love it, you know where It's just like I remember having to like not say too much or whatever in my relationship to because you gonna run them away or they'd be like yeah, but at the end of the day, you lying about your truth doesn't make you an honest person. 00:43:36 Speaker 2: Wow. You know what I'm saying. That's a nugget. 00:43:38 Speaker 1: You lying about your truth does not make you an honest person. 00:43:41 Speaker 3: That's good, yeah, because it's like, Okay, I'm in this relationship and I'm lying about all the men that I've had sex with, so he thinks I'm whole. Yeah, but that doesn't define my wholeness exactly, and that doesn't make me like worthy or an honest person or whatever. 00:43:56 Speaker 2: It's just like I'm lying to you to to you know, but I'm still that person. 00:44:02 Speaker 3: I still have all that baggage, I still have all those bodies who you are today. 00:44:06 Speaker 2: Yes, you're welcome you like that thing that I did. You know what I'm saying, Like, you ain't gonna see where I got it from. I got it from gosh, right. 00:44:17 Speaker 3: But it's just like I have to like dim my whole life to make you feel comfortable. 00:44:23 Speaker 2: Wow, I'm not dimming my whole life. Yeah. Yeah, I'm grown. I'm grown. 00:44:30 Speaker 3: And the great part for me is the fact that it was prior to social media. 00:44:35 Speaker 2: So that was your word against mine, period. Right, They're not gonna lie, right, you know what I'm saying. 00:44:41 Speaker 3: But I think people just put so much on a body count as if that makes you whole summer now, and that's not fair. 00:44:48 Speaker 2: That's true. I don't want no whole some man, and I don't want no low body count. Man. I don't either. 00:44:55 Speaker 3: I ain't saying I want Will Chamberlain now, but but you know what I mean. 00:45:02 Speaker 1: Yes, I love that you are walking in your truth and I feel like that is why you are in the space that you. 00:45:09 Speaker 2: Are in your life. And I feel like if more people just owned. 00:45:13 Speaker 1: Who they are the mistakes they've made, I think other people be more. 00:45:17 Speaker 2: Willing to receive it. 00:45:18 Speaker 1: And you be really surprised when you walk in your life and say, hey, this is what I've done, who I've been. 00:45:22 Speaker 2: You know, I'm saying people that you trust. 00:45:24 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, but like own it and not try to act like you're something that you're not. One you're going to be more relatable to a lot of people because a lot of people are walking they're literally walking under a costume of something that but that they're not. 00:45:36 Speaker 2: They have a mask on. They're not being true to themselves and wondering why they haven't. 00:45:41 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, gotten further because you're not being honest with who you are. 00:45:45 Speaker 2: People need to see the real you, you know. So I love that. 00:45:48 Speaker 1: I love that you're walking in your truth. And then I love that you found love than you know and that yeah, I. 00:45:55 Speaker 3: Know. 00:45:56 Speaker 1: So let's talk about the journey that you azed because you've made a comment about you felt like sex was all you had to offer and that's all they wanted. At what point what was the journey like where you realize, hey, maybe there are things that besides you talked about how the guy you went to the cookout and I sat. 00:46:15 Speaker 2: Down and didn't. He's like, but you do know there's more than sex. Tearing that chicken up in his face, He's like, we're mine, right? 00:46:22 Speaker 1: At what point was that a pivotal point And like, at what point did you realize okay, And what was that journey like to you realizing I've got to do more than just give my body? 00:46:30 Speaker 3: Yeah, so okay, So I remember, like I said, I grew up seeing that, So it's not that I didn't know, but I just didn't think that's. 00:46:37 Speaker 2: What they wanted. 00:46:38 Speaker 3: So I had that epiphany, not epiphany, I had that come to Jesus moment with my boyfriend at the time, and then I found myself trying. 00:46:44 Speaker 2: To just do a little bit more. But I'll never forget I was dating this guy. It's always I was dating this guy. Yeah, there's this guy. 00:46:54 Speaker 3: And he didn't have any food in his fridge and he had like just moved to the city and I was like, okay, he was there for only a little bit. He was like playing basketball, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna go to the grocery store and stock his fridge. App And I remember going to the grocery store, like. 00:47:09 Speaker 2: In the blazing heat and going and like had a cart and I went. 00:47:14 Speaker 3: I even took the cart back from the store and lugged it all the way to the house and it was like, this is before Uber and all of that. 00:47:22 Speaker 2: So like I'm on two feet. 00:47:24 Speaker 3: What they call it, Jerry, I'm on literally yeah, like I'm literally walking in the blazing heat, pushing a freaking grocery cart from Walmart, like and about him pops and pans, towels, food, like you are me? 00:47:39 Speaker 2: That all the things right? Because I want you to ask me if I see dumb's gonna do it? 00:47:43 Speaker 3: So I did all the stuff, and I remember, I remember, like I didn't know. 00:47:48 Speaker 2: I was trying to just do laundry. 00:47:50 Speaker 3: I remember washing the white towels and the black towels together and they were new, so you know the white towers turned gray, Yeah, they turned gray. And I was like, oh man, Like I really was trying to do all the things, and all I wanted us to do was just sit down and have dinner together. 00:48:06 Speaker 2: But he just did. He was just acting funny, and I was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, I saw that you didn't have all the summer. I went to the store and I got you all these things and blah blah blah. He was like, I didn't ask you to do that. 00:48:17 Speaker 1: Wow, I didn't ask you to do That's like a slap in the face, right. 00:48:21 Speaker 3: And I'm just like, but in my mind, it's like, but you needed it. But with him not having he didn't have mommy issues. He was the type that was like I don't. 00:48:32 Speaker 2: Want my woman doing that. Wow. 00:48:35 Speaker 3: So it's like if I can't do it and you do it, you make me look. 00:48:39 Speaker 2: Like I'm less of a man. 00:48:41 Speaker 3: Wow, Because I should have been the one to fill that fridge up before you got here. 00:48:45 Speaker 2: I didn't have a chance to do it. 00:48:47 Speaker 3: I didn't express that to you because if he had, I would have waited till he got done with practice. 00:48:51 Speaker 2: We could have went to the grocery store, you know what I'm saying. 00:48:53 Speaker 3: But me just being I'm a forward thinker, Like before you know, like my guy has to do anything, I'm always like. 00:49:00 Speaker 2: Okay, we gotta do this. We gotta make sure he has this, he's gonna need this. 00:49:03 Speaker 3: Packing my snack like all I think before you can even hey, where's my in? 00:49:08 Speaker 2: There isn't there? Sorry in the car ready? And that's just that's what works for me. 00:49:13 Speaker 3: I like to be on top of things, especially in my relationship. Yeah, which is crazy because I'm like, if I had that same energy in my life, ma'am AnyWho bring the back? 00:49:25 Speaker 2: No, but. 00:49:27 Speaker 3: I thought he was mad at me, like, but it was really that like I made him feel bad and he didn't really know how. 00:49:34 Speaker 2: To deal with feelings like yeah. 00:49:37 Speaker 3: And it wasn't that he didn't appreciate it, but it was like it really highlighted what he didn't have together before I came into. 00:49:45 Speaker 1: Yeah, and that was thing. He's like, I didn't have time and I should have. Yeah, you've done it. Now I feel bad because I didn't do it. 00:49:50 Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like just be like he could have just been like the hand bag. I've had so much going on. 00:49:55 Speaker 3: I have so much going on. I promise you it was on my mind. I hate that you had to do that, but I'm so great. 00:50:00 Speaker 2: You know. 00:50:00 Speaker 3: They wasn't talking like that then, the damn sure not talking like that now. 00:50:03 Speaker 2: It's hard for people. 00:50:04 Speaker 3: To really express themself like that, especially like when you come into a person's life and you're doing something that they've never experienced. 00:50:10 Speaker 2: They don't know how to handle it. They they don't know what to do. I say, thank you do it. 00:50:16 Speaker 3: Like, well, I don't know what to do, right, you know what I mean? And I think I think that with men, at least with the men that I've dealt with who have had these kinds of conversations with, it's always like I don't know how to say like you're not taught to You're not taught to say like I don't know. 00:50:32 Speaker 2: How to do something. You're always taught to just figure it out. 00:50:35 Speaker 3: So but in the situation where like you might have to say like I dropped the ball, you have to have accountability or say like I honestly just didn't know. 00:50:45 Speaker 2: You don't know how to. 00:50:45 Speaker 3: Do that because you you weren't taught how to do that exactly, you. 00:50:49 Speaker 2: Know what I'm saying. So and so for me, it was. 00:50:51 Speaker 3: Like, Okay, the body stuff didn't work, and then I try to be thoughtful that didn't work, and it's just like wtf, Yeah. 00:50:59 Speaker 2: You know, like it's they're like I wanted. 00:51:01 Speaker 3: I feel like I wanted to be that person for somebody, especially once I once I got the game from him saying like it's not all about that. Yes, I tried to like I still lead with that in a lot of ways, but then I tried to be like, Okay, I'm a lead with this so they can know I'm like this, and then. 00:51:16 Speaker 1: I got I'm really gonna kills size. 00:51:20 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, but not everybody. 00:51:22 Speaker 3: You know, Like I dated a guy who never wanted me to make the bed. He's like, that's a maidstude, But. 00:51:27 Speaker 2: Do you have a maid? Did he have a maid? It was Auntie, she came in and clean that. 00:51:34 Speaker 3: No, but you know, so like it's just different. 00:51:41 Speaker 2: It's like not everybody wants you. 00:51:42 Speaker 3: It's like they want you to be domesticated, but they don't want. 00:51:47 Speaker 2: But it's like levels to it. It is like there's different levels with different men. Yeah, he's like, I don't want you doing this, Like that's peasantry, is it? Tho? I'm just looking up groceries. 00:51:56 Speaker 3: Like there's some guys who are just like I don't want you to lift a finger, and then there's other ones who were like, oh, thank you so much for going to public for me. 00:52:02 Speaker 2: I didn't have time. Yeah you know what I mean. And I think that my guy now is like he he. 00:52:08 Speaker 3: Just he just expressed not that's the word I'm looking for. Accept everything, like oh man, you ain't got. 00:52:15 Speaker 2: This, Oh man, you got that? Oh yes, that makes you feel good. 00:52:20 Speaker 3: I feel appreciated for efforts, yes, and you know, but it was definitely a journey trying to figure that out. 00:52:28 Speaker 2: But I think it's each person. 00:52:32 Speaker 1: Yeah, because you see, like you've named different standards of different me in head like one guy didn't want to sit in the finger of other person, was like, don't do this. 00:52:38 Speaker 3: And even in like my sex life, it's like okay, like you know, as a. 00:52:43 Speaker 2: Former whole, like I have O. I love how she says as. 00:52:47 Speaker 3: A former as a former whole, like you know, like it's twenty twenty three, so I'm only got one body now. 00:52:54 Speaker 2: But it's right, you know what I'm saying, but your new me, but you know, new year, knew she. 00:53:00 Speaker 3: But like even trying to like navigate like you can't go in there and thinking that everybody going like one thing, you know what I'm saying, it's like, okay, you got to keep him saves, like you gotta do all this, but it's just like you do this, oh he don't like that, then you gotta do this, but oh that one like this, but this one didn't, and you're just like and then it's just like you know, I'm just gonna save this with my husband because this is just this is just getting to ghetto. 00:53:24 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's gettle. You know. 00:53:27 Speaker 1: Let's talk about sexual health because I know, for me, I've definitely. 00:53:33 Speaker 2: Had unprotected sex. Like I'm not gonna say and be like I've only used. 00:53:40 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, would you see the episodes, you're double what I'm talking. 00:53:44 Speaker 2: But I have I've had I've had unprotected sex. 00:53:47 Speaker 1: And like I told you, my mother would always say, getting pregnant is not. 00:53:50 Speaker 2: The worst thing that can happen. And I used to always be afraid of that. 00:53:54 Speaker 1: But me and would they always like, well, it feels better without a kindom, So like I knew also using a condom. And I wasn't like, let me see your your examination papers and your tests and make sure that you're negative on everything until I got older. 00:54:10 Speaker 2: You know. 00:54:11 Speaker 1: It wasn't until I got older and more responsible and just understanding that that health literally affects all the other hells that you have going on unside your body and the things that people can like give tape from one person gives you. Has there ever been a situation where you had like any scares or any like where you decided, you know what, like I got to be more careful because you know, I know, we had moments in our life where we just free, we want to whatever I mean wants since we want to do you know, if it's and it's pleasure for us too, Like for me, like condoms that I have to use certain types of condoms because I like it just does not agree with me, like if it's like yeah, like drives up and yeah, like it's bad. 00:54:54 Speaker 2: I used to hate when people said that, my girl, you just want to do it, but not really am tho know what? So what kind of lamb have used? Lamb skin? No way? So that means you have to provide your own? Yeah, yeah I haven't. Wow. Is it better? Yeah? And I actually like it because it really feels closer to skin. 00:55:13 Speaker 3: Wow. 00:55:15 Speaker 2: I just had a lamb chop the other day. Wow. 00:55:20 Speaker 3: You know I've never It's funny you say that because I've never asked someone like, hey, like what are your test results? Or have you gotten tested lately or whatever? Because I always felt like, oh my gosh, I'm the one who's out here doing all this stuff and they don't ask. 00:55:32 Speaker 2: Me ask them. 00:55:34 Speaker 3: Yeah, And then I've been in relationships where like I will go get tested and the guy wouldn't, and he'll be like were good, and I'm like, are you good? 00:55:41 Speaker 2: No, because no, I'm saying I know I'm good, but he asking are you good to go? 00:55:44 Speaker 3: But it's like if we're having to protected sex and I go and I'm fine that he knows he's good, then he's okay too. 00:55:50 Speaker 1: And that's not always the case, because can lie dormant in you? Yeah, because my mom used to always say that too. She was like, just just because you test negative, it doesn't mean it's not in you. 00:55:58 Speaker 2: Someone works God. She was like, fear of God. 00:56:01 Speaker 1: I was like, lords my face, a lot of dormin anybody for years and then to pop up and you hadn't had sex with all these people and I was like, you're right. 00:56:10 Speaker 2: So he's like, Mom, but I recently was. 00:56:15 Speaker 1: I was talking to this guy and we didn't end up having sex, but he had us scare because somebody that he was close to ended up getting exposed for having herpes and. 00:56:29 Speaker 2: Like it broke up his marriage. It was like a big deal. 00:56:31 Speaker 1: And because he knew he was out in these streets, he was like, oh, let me go get tested and he sent me like we have first started talking. He was like, I just want you know I'm good, so he said it so I could actually see and that was the first person who actually, even without asking, had showed me. 00:56:45 Speaker 2: His test results. And I was like, oh, wow, well I just. 00:56:47 Speaker 1: Got my PEP and got everything testy. 00:56:51 Speaker 2: Yes. 00:56:52 Speaker 1: And I was just telling someone like I started even getting my blood drawn because you know, a lot of times they don't tested that every time. So I'm like, go ahead and draw the blood and test her everything, not just what you get in the culture from the vagina sample. 00:57:05 Speaker 2: And because a lot of people forget that. 00:57:07 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know it's funny, they won't test you for herpes unless you ask them, yep, because it's so funny because like I recently, I got my path and then I went back because I was trying to find somebody here and and I was asking her just about Steff and she was just like, you know, typically we don't test people unless they're having an outbreak because if not, it can ruin someone's it can ruin someone's day. 00:57:32 Speaker 2: And she was like, yeah, we just don't test that. 00:57:34 Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I was like, can you just do my blood work because she was like, well, what do you want to do blood work for? And I'm just like that like that was the thing, and she said, well, we typically don't, like unless you want me to, then I will. 00:57:45 Speaker 2: But I'm like, yeah, yeah, matter of fact, Yeah I still got to live. But like they they won't, Yeah, they won't. 00:57:52 Speaker 1: And you know what, I think, herpes is like one of the most like statistically like sony people have it. 00:57:59 Speaker 2: Yes, and that's probably even it's just the one on the mouth. Yeah yeah, yep, it's all types of types of it. 00:58:06 Speaker 1: But like there are so many people that have it, and it's probably because y'all ain't testing people for it until they have outbreaks. A lot of that stuff can probably prevent it if like us people people are like, no, test me for everything. 00:58:18 Speaker 3: Yeah, do the blood, don't just do the swap from the past. Yeah, that's the real thing is never had a pregnancy scare. I've been on birth control for like twenty years. Not on it now because I'm like I'm older now, I'm like I want to just see what I need because I remember I went to a fertility doctor and I was like, I need to know what these eggs doing. 00:58:35 Speaker 2: She's like, you ain't got nothing. You've been on birth control all this time. What She's like, you have to be off of it for a time for your body to actually produce that. I did not know that. 00:58:45 Speaker 1: I was today years old to know that, like Birke controls stopped the eggs. 00:58:49 Speaker 2: Yes. 00:58:49 Speaker 3: She was like, so you won't know until like so I only had Yeah. So she was like, it suppresses you from ovulating, so like you won't have eggs. 00:58:57 Speaker 2: I was like what. So she was like, get off the pill. 00:59:00 Speaker 3: How your body does in a couple of months, and then go see a fertility doctor and just check your count. And then once you do at your age, they try to make it seem like it's high risk. I see people getting pregnant at forty years old. Yeah, don't don't play with me. And they're like, because I'm considered high risk now because I'm in my thirties, that I need to freeze them. 00:59:20 Speaker 2: Yep, yep, I'm at that place. It's so expensive. 00:59:23 Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends that have a year, yeah, for just to rent the space to store the eggs, and that doesn't it's like twenty or thirty thousand to do the whole process, and then you have to pay rent for the eggs. 00:59:35 Speaker 2: I gotta pay rent. I gotta pay rented for the future children. Yes, child, Nope, it's a real thing. 00:59:43 Speaker 1: It's a real thing, and that's something I'm going through as well, just as I just turned forty and not being in a relationship one like, is that stilling the cars for me? 00:59:52 Speaker 2: Can I even still have children? Are you on the pill? No? But I haven't six either? 00:59:57 Speaker 1: You someone post for Yeah, he was like yea, like I'm d D and then ask it to I have, Yeah. 01:00:05 Speaker 2: It's a drought. No, I'm not having six, So like we'll go see for till Yeah. 01:00:10 Speaker 1: I did get my levels checked. The hormone level that lets you know if you're still like producing eggs at a high rate, and there it's very high for. 01:00:17 Speaker 2: Our eight from our age. Really where'd you go? 01:00:19 Speaker 1: Actually, my I go to the Healthy Woman that's where my doctor is, and she she checked at all the levels because I was wanting to know before I went to a fertility doctor. I was like, can you just is there something that you can do? 01:00:31 Speaker 2: So there's oh, there's levels to it. Oh yeah, okay, yeah, so that was included in my past. 01:00:35 Speaker 1: She did that when I did my path and I checked for like fibroids and all that stuff. 01:00:39 Speaker 2: Yeah, fibroids. Yeah, I have one, she said. 01:00:42 Speaker 3: It's just She's like, honestly, it's it's it's just it's She's like, it's so small. 01:00:46 Speaker 2: I wouldn't even worried about worry about it. 01:00:48 Speaker 3: But it's just like because she was doing my path and she was like, I think I let me give your ultrasound and I was like, then she showed it to me and was so tiny, and she's like I'm thinking, like, how did you feel that? 01:00:57 Speaker 2: Yeah, but if you're trained to do that, yeah, you know what. 01:01:00 Speaker 3: But no, never been pregnant before, never had any real scares outside of like the first time experiencing BB. 01:01:09 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I thought listen. That was during that phase where like it's too many. 01:01:14 Speaker 3: Yes people when your pH gets thrown off, Like I was like, oh my gosh, what do I do? 01:01:21 Speaker 2: I don't know. I can't tell my mom. So my oldest sister took me to planned parents. One time. 01:01:27 Speaker 3: I was playing with that whipped cream girl and that whip cream and that bacteria did not sit because I was like, if you've never had BB, which is bacteria vaginosis, it is like it's it's sinse, yeah, it's and you'll be like internal, like because I'm the type of person like I always smell my panties when I peek, you know, and like I always you know, so I remember, it's just like it's strong. 01:01:56 Speaker 2: And the longer you wait. 01:01:58 Speaker 3: You remember going to a planned parenthood and then they you know, I ended up being a. 01:02:02 Speaker 2: BB and I was just like, what is that? Am I gonna die? 01:02:05 Speaker 3: He's like, no, girl, yeah, bacteria, infection, your pH is all here. Here, take these feels your yeah, And I was just like what but yeah, just not being educated to know like what these things mean, like different symptoms. 01:02:18 Speaker 2: Like I remember for my first time having a UTI, I'm like. 01:02:21 Speaker 1: I've never experienced that with my I know a lot of friends have had UTIs, and I'm like, I don't never want that because it sounds so painful. 01:02:26 Speaker 2: Oh, it's so painful. 01:02:27 Speaker 3: It was to the point where it's like I was paying like every ten seconds. At this point, I put on an overnight pad. I said, I'm not playing with shies. Then I was just I was just pissing and. 01:02:36 Speaker 2: Going I had things to do. You think I'm gonna stop and. 01:02:39 Speaker 3: Go pee every time I got this overnight pad on, I'm just gonna piss. 01:02:41 Speaker 2: These little three drops and get on with my mans. I got things to do. I can't keep I can't keep going. 01:02:47 Speaker 3: Oh but I will tell you for all my homeopathic people, apple side of vinegar, apple side of vinegar. Put it in water. That will like that'll help you pee more, and azo pills. Because I was like I need anything. Was Thanksgiving, I was like, I had that diaper wrong, girl. I was like, yeah, I got I gotta cook. Excuse myself to the bathroom. 01:03:07 Speaker 2: Wash my hands on. My hands are wrong making chicken. 01:03:10 Speaker 3: It's too much going on. I had a diaper wrong, girl. I'm not playing with you today. You I'm not going to for these three drives, right. 01:03:19 Speaker 2: Diaper is true? 01:03:24 Speaker 3: But it's like and then women should know their bodies too, like know what like you know, like just that like you're peeing frequently or whatever and it's coming. 01:03:34 Speaker 2: What does it look like? Is it clear? Is it's super yellow? Like the color all those. 01:03:37 Speaker 3: Things even like down to like your discharge, like the texture of it and the color, the color, the smell, like knowing what all that stuff means? 01:03:46 Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Because I know that like. 01:03:48 Speaker 3: Different people are like have different textures you know what I'm saying. When I got my pepsmear, I'm asking her, I'm like, is everything cool? 01:03:57 Speaker 2: She was like she was like talking about my texture. 01:04:01 Speaker 3: She was like she was like, yep, nice and milky, yeah, nice healthy vagina. I was just like and I was like, oh my gosh, thinking about all the times I was called me Marie. 01:04:10 Speaker 2: And I like, oh gosh, freaking ice cream trucks. 01:04:17 Speaker 3: But yeah, but like you know, just knowing like like there's different shades of normal. Yes, you know what I mean, Like you're gonna be like this, and like you're like this. And then also having like girlfriends to talk to. And I remember like I've always had like a space of girlfriends, so we always talked about like pH and SAgs and vaginas and what they looked like. 01:04:39 Speaker 2: I remember being I was a cheerleader, like all of. 01:04:43 Speaker 3: All of the girls was bottom bottom down, like showing everyone was showing their privates, like not in a like kind of way. We were just like, oh, this is how mine looks like, this is what I looks like, Oh, yours looks like mine, And like everybody was just like we weren't taught, like Okay, there's so many different variations of yes about Volva, you know, yes, and it's like they all kind of look different but it's the same but not. And you know, and I remember like it was like sixteen of us on the squad and it was like. 01:05:16 Speaker 2: Sixteen different ones. Yep, you know what I mean. And that's another thing. 01:05:20 Speaker 3: And I think that it's so funny because like men, I remember I was doing interviews on like Southeast this forever ago, and I had like a little flip camera and I was interviewing someone and it's like, you know, like there's. 01:05:31 Speaker 2: Like the innier audi whatever. Right. 01:05:34 Speaker 3: I remember asking someone I was like, any your audi and he was like any And I was like why and he was like, because if you the audi, it just makes you feel like they've just they've had a lot of session and it's been ran through. And I'm just like, that's not what that means. 01:05:48 Speaker 2: Like look at porn Star. That's what I was about to say. Now I didn't seen some raggedy looking vagina. I raged. I'm like, is that because you had a baby or is that too much? Su ran through its? 01:06:03 Speaker 3: So some of them some of them are just raggedy, Like thank you, I don't want to call them raggedy. 01:06:08 Speaker 2: Some of the things I'd be like, I can't like next different video. 01:06:14 Speaker 3: Yeah, but I mean like there's there's different variations that I can only imagine. With man at least, you know, some guys are like they're not even looking at it as. 01:06:23 Speaker 2: Long as it feels good. Yeah, they're not looking at it. It's like, I'm not like the man. 01:06:27 Speaker 3: Like, a lot of men are not going down on every girl that they have, so they don't even. 01:06:31 Speaker 2: Know what one really looks like in a relationship. 01:06:35 Speaker 3: All of them look like yeah, but it's like and you hit it from you don't even see it, and then you see one that's different, You're just like, wait a minute. 01:06:44 Speaker 2: It's like you're like, hold on, but I mean. 01:06:45 Speaker 1: That's just that's just And that's the same thing with Dix, Like they're all different. 01:06:50 Speaker 2: You think everything is all different. 01:06:52 Speaker 1: If everybody had the same everything, that's a very boring world. 01:06:56 Speaker 2: That's true. They are different or story. So there's some raggedy ones too, ma'am. Some ragged rag balls. Long one, Oh. 01:07:08 Speaker 3: My gosh, you got two heavy rocks and the pillow case and. 01:07:17 Speaker 2: Let me not. We love y'all. We I don't want to dog you out, So. 01:07:20 Speaker 1: Let's talk about let's give them some advice on how to be better sexual partners. 01:07:26 Speaker 2: With the men. 01:07:27 Speaker 1: Start with I feel like men have attention when you're doing things to your woman's reaction, because a lot of times, like when you're doing things the way I react, you know what, that's a lot because sometimes I'll be thinking. 01:07:41 Speaker 2: That's a real thing. Making it is a real thing. 01:07:44 Speaker 3: So I don't know, when you get to the point where you stop, it's like, you know what, you're just not doing it, get out, get up. 01:07:52 Speaker 1: But there are women that can may be honestly like hey, babe, like or try to they push in your head one way or like do. 01:07:58 Speaker 2: It like this or right here, listen and take direction. Like that's a good tip. What do you think? 01:08:03 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it is, And I think that it's not what you say is how you say it. You're not like right, damn, damn, you're just like. 01:08:10 Speaker 2: If you're doing it in the mom moan on here. 01:08:13 Speaker 3: But if you're doing it in the moment, then like it becomes like sexy. But yeah, definitely paying attention to the body and and and her how she reacts, not even just how the moon sound, but what the vagina's doing, you know what I mean. Talk, She gonna talk back, you know what I mean. So it's like just paying attention to those things. And then also like women I think take a longer time to warm up. 01:08:40 Speaker 2: A man can just have an erection and be ready to go. Like women, you really got a revden, you do? You know what I mean. So spend a little bit more time with play. 01:08:48 Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, spend a little bit more time whatever it is, whether she like to kiss or get your fingerpon, whatever it is, like, just spend more time for play and the talking if you guys, like if you do like to talk or whatever. I saw something recently where a woman was like during sex, she likes to say positive affirmations to her person. Wow, And like I've actually done that where we prayed together and it made the experience like I felt like, oh wow, like we are anointed and it's like she hadn't sex before marriage. 01:09:22 Speaker 2: But I know God is here, you know what I mean. And then women, I think. 01:09:29 Speaker 3: That you know, the mistake that I made is like trying to do all the things that the other. 01:09:34 Speaker 2: One like, you know what I mean. And it's like because. 01:09:37 Speaker 3: Different everyone is different, so each person like a new person and not like you could come with your bag of tricks. Yeah, and don't be surprised if all of them don't work. You know what I mean, there's there are certain things that will most likely work because I feel like men are pretty simple. 01:09:51 Speaker 2: But then also, don't be afraid to ask. That's what I was gonna say. 01:09:55 Speaker 1: Don't be afraid to have those sex conversations, like I feel like that's how you really get to know the person likes be FREEDMI like, so what. 01:09:59 Speaker 2: Do you like? Yeah? You like it was like each booty or but do you not like it? But damn you like I'm supposed to say, I think it takes it. 01:10:11 Speaker 3: It takes more of an edge off if you're asking in the moment where it's it's like you don't have to say tell me what to do. 01:10:17 Speaker 2: You could just be like, I want to do whatever you want me to do. Y jes z, I want whatever. 01:10:23 Speaker 3: You can have your way, like what like whatever that that talk is, they'll tell you. 01:10:29 Speaker 2: And if they start pushing your head past the gooch he wants booty, that's you answer right down. He can't tell you when you asked him on the day. He told you. 01:10:38 Speaker 3: Seriously, like some people get uncomfortable, but like when you're like in that moment I'm around, it's like. 01:10:44 Speaker 2: Pushing down, keep going. Yeah, okay. 01:10:47 Speaker 3: Like Dion Cole, he was like, I don't tell women when their head is bad. He was like, I'll just plug their nose and that don't make them. 01:10:54 Speaker 2: Stop because they can't breathe. I'm done. 01:10:58 Speaker 3: He's like, it's just good, just like no I'll scream. 01:11:03 Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, it's as good. Oh my gosh, Jesse, I really enjoyed you. This has been a great conversation. 01:11:12 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I'm so happy we did this. We're gonna get to one of my favorite parts of the show. It's called positive Outcomes, and this is where our listeners write into us and we're. 01:11:20 Speaker 2: Gonna give them an oh my god. Yeah, So this is gonna be fun. Y'all don't want advice from me? 01:11:25 Speaker 1: She has there all right, This one says, Hi, Crystal, I need some advice. I've been on and off with this guy since twenty sixteen. In twenty twenty one, he moved in with me, but the whole time he was dating. 01:11:38 Speaker 2: Are you mean. 01:11:41 Speaker 1: The whole time he was dating someone else. I had a situation like this the whole time he was dating someone else. I know this because he called me her name and he would run and leave the. 01:11:49 Speaker 2: Room to answer the phone. Oh girl. Some days he came. 01:11:54 Speaker 1: Into the house and we wouldn't speak. We didn't have a sex life. He claims it wasn't happening because he He claims it wasn't happening because I didn't initiate it. He would take food and drinks out of the house to the other woman's home for her to cook. 01:12:08 Speaker 2: Trifling. Oh my gosh. So I put him out and change the lots. 01:12:12 Speaker 1: Come to find out, through my job, I have been able to see he had a baby with this other woman, which he denies, but I saw his name on the birth certificate. 01:12:22 Speaker 2: Oh so you work for that? Who you work for that? 01:12:26 Speaker 1: He is now trying to come back and get a key to my home. I don't know what to do because I still do love him, but I. 01:12:32 Speaker 2: Don't want to get hurt again. What should I do? 01:12:36 Speaker 1: Keep them doors, them locks the same, and do not give him the key. 01:12:40 Speaker 2: Throw it away to your heart. And this is a this is a real story. 01:12:44 Speaker 3: In the lifetime movie girl, you don't know what to do. 01:12:49 Speaker 2: You know what to do? Yes, you do know what you do, know what to do. 01:12:54 Speaker 1: Run, Do not let him back in, Tell him to go on where he came from with the first of all, he sounds broke. 01:13:00 Speaker 2: It's given broke again. It's given broke. 01:13:02 Speaker 3: Dick energy and it's given broke bitch energy too from her both. You got to steal the soda pops from my fridge and bring them on down to her and my food, so I'm feeding you her and the baby. 01:13:14 Speaker 2: Yep. 01:13:15 Speaker 3: Now he was stealing snacks, but she was pregnant. She was probably already pregnant the time, and then they weren't having sex because she she was pregnant. But you living with me, and you know a lot of men do that. They'll prey on women who will let me stay there, and they'll stay there. They'll drop off a couple of scraps of dick every now and then. 01:13:30 Speaker 2: And that's what it was. 01:13:31 Speaker 3: Why she brought him back, just to like, you know, keep you at bab and they're still doing what they want to do. But like I can't even tell, like, oh we moved in together that I knew. 01:13:42 Speaker 2: She was paying the bill. Yep, because it's given. You moved in with me, Yep, he did, he moved in. 01:13:48 Speaker 3: It sounds like you was just a place to stay while he figured things out with homegirl. Listen, wish them well. Hell, even you can send a baby a gift. But no, uh uh no, we're not doing it. 01:14:00 Speaker 2: No, no, we're not. 01:14:02 Speaker 3: That's low frequency. That is a low vibrational relationship. Okay, and we are elevating higher than that past that. 01:14:11 Speaker 2: Yeah, let it go. What's his instagram? I want to see I want to see what he looked like. I want to see what does look like? Right, you know, I don't know her. 01:14:20 Speaker 3: I'm not gonna call it that, but she trifling for if you knew, if she knew you was doing. 01:14:24 Speaker 2: That, she knew he was in there. But you know, niggas live, they do may not have known. A lot of times, we don't even know what they're doing. 01:14:30 Speaker 3: That's that's a fact that maybe she couldn't handle the truth. 01:14:34 Speaker 2: We thought about it. Can you handle it? Right? The consensus is leave him alone? Yes, in roborate higher sweetheart, Yes for sure. 01:14:45 Speaker 1: Okay, So what I'm going through versus what I'm growing through, and I feel like in this season in my. 01:14:53 Speaker 2: Life, I am. 01:14:55 Speaker 1: Going through a drought because I ain't getting none. But I'm growing through understanding that in these moments, I'm learning so much about myself and what I like, what I don't like. In this season of what may look like loneliness, I'm learning so much about Crystal so that when the next person does come, I'm gonna be so clear on a lot of things. 01:15:18 Speaker 2: So that's what I'm going through. What I'm growing through about you, Okay, Okay. 01:15:23 Speaker 3: What I'm going through is just trying to find that balance between my career and my relationship because I am like super like I'm a stepmom, I'm a girlfriend, like I'm a life partner. I'm like a helpmate, but I'm also a career woman. I'm also an actress, a comedian, a writer, like I do all the things. But I noticed that, like in my relationship, I feel so much joy when like everyone is taken care of and the house is clean, and the kids are fa and they're happy, and homework is done yes, and they baths, they did their baths already, and my man is happy and he ate and everybody's good, and I'm just sitting back, and I because I don't even sit down and eat anymore. 01:16:12 Speaker 2: I eat in the kitchens. 01:16:14 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I just will stand up and be in that corner and be like, a look at the piece that I've created, and it's just such a I find so much fulfillment in that. But also it's like, Okay, I'm still a boss. I'm still you know, And it's what I'm going through. Is that balance? Yes, because like I think that because I've always been a lover. We talked about my love journey. So now being in a space where like I get to be like this. 01:16:38 Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm really in it. You are you know what I mean. 01:16:41 Speaker 3: So then it's just like, Okay, I've done the whole strong, independent black woman who don't need no man thing, and I don't. 01:16:48 Speaker 2: I'm not. 01:16:49 Speaker 1: I don't like that girl, yes yeah yeah, and it feels very soft. 01:16:55 Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, it's stillk soft. 01:16:58 Speaker 3: I can see him, you know, But I like, I have to find that balance to do it all because I'll be like doing all the stuff for the kids and then boom, I got interviews, I got meetings, I got zoom calls, I got this Isnata, and then I find myself saying, well, I'm only free this week from this time to this time because I got to pick up babies from school and do all this, and it's like that balance is real and it's just really trying to learn that dance, especially now that like I'm touring now. I mean, I'm only visiting a couple of cities because you know, film life and all that stuff. So I'm just okay, right, So it's like, but how do I I think what I'm going through is like I always I find it very hard to like treat myself as good as I treat other people. 01:17:41 Speaker 2: And it's not that I don't treat myself good because baby, I bees at the spa. 01:17:46 Speaker 3: Okay, you don't spa, And I bees at the Sophora, getting myself anything that I want pertaining the beauty and hair and all the stuff that I love and I love, and I take my bubble baths, I do those things. 01:17:59 Speaker 2: But I be going all out. 01:18:01 Speaker 3: For everybody, yeah dude, And maybe I'm just okay with that. And some people are like, well, you got you better be doing all this and this isn't this and I'm just like I'm really I'm really happy, but I do feel like I could keep that same energy though, you know what I mean with the way I handle make sure his flights are booked and he got all his things that I could cross my t's and dot my eyes with the things that I need. I still, you know, I still got to get this logo made. I haven't caught up on that email. I still need to handle this. I still need to follow up with this. But let it be his. 01:18:38 Speaker 2: And it's funny he had to say it to me. He's like, baby, like you're so talented, so this like he really wants me to start a YouTube. So he's like, I'm just telling you. And he was like, and I know you can do it. And he's like, because if I asked you to and they had anything to do with me, you would. 01:18:53 Speaker 1: And I was like, makes you want to cry because women we do that. We pour into everybody around this and we Wow. I love how you put that, because if I asked you to do what you would do it? 01:19:03 Speaker 2: Wow? 01:19:04 Speaker 3: And I felt like, craph, my god, that's so true. 01:19:07 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I was like, dang, I got to pull up for myself. I pull up for everybody else, But. 01:19:12 Speaker 3: What does that even look like? Because when I pull up for me, like it's in a major way. I ain't got time. 01:19:16 Speaker 2: To do it. Yeah, you know what I mean. So it's like, what is that dance? 01:19:21 Speaker 3: Yeah? 01:19:21 Speaker 2: Maybe I talk to Kadeen sh. 01:19:24 Speaker 3: Right because she's got a lot of moving parts, but like what, I don't know that she has helped. 01:19:30 Speaker 2: You got to get help. That's you got to have a team. That's true. Yeah, that's also true. That's also true. I can't do it by yourself. And I think the thing is it's like if I see that I. 01:19:39 Speaker 3: Can, I will, you know, and if people come in and help, thank you so much. 01:19:44 Speaker 2: But I was gonna do this my period, you know what I mean. And I have to do better with like delegating help. 01:19:51 Speaker 3: Yeah, delegating and not having to I don't have to say yes all the time. 01:19:55 Speaker 2: If I can do it, do it, yep. But if I can't, I'm sorry. I I really can't even well, thank you for doing this. Yeah, I appreciate it. Thank you for coming over. Oh yeah, because I know you're so busy out of town. Okay, and he was here, No, no, no, I I just adore you. But so I guess what I'm going through is what I'm growing yeah, I love that. That's good. Still trying to learn that. Damn yeah, I love that. So let's do keep it blank sweet. 01:20:25 Speaker 1: Pertaining to this episode, Who's touched on so many things, I go first, you can go first. 01:20:32 Speaker 2: I'm still because I'm thinking, keep it real, sweetie. 01:20:37 Speaker 3: Stop lying yes, trying to suppress who you really are, to to to stroke somebody's ego, is not you, because sooner or later you're gonna find out you're like a finger in your butt, you know, So just be honest about who you are, and the ones that are worth while will stay and the ones and the one does that aren't will get out the way early and regardless if it's the one that you think is supposed to be there, not if they can't like, because then the whole relationship will be alive. 01:21:10 Speaker 2: And you never want to base your relationship on a lie. 01:21:12 Speaker 3: You want your foundation to always be honesty and truthful in realness and authenticity. 01:21:17 Speaker 2: So keep it real, Keep it real. 01:21:19 Speaker 1: Oh that's hard on the top because the thing that that was my takeaway from this is like, just keep it honest because the right person's gonna be okay with everything. 01:21:29 Speaker 2: Keep it m Trying to see how I can put this in one word. 01:21:43 Speaker 1: Because we talked about like looking at where you are now and not the past. So I guess keep it present, sweetly and know that like who you are now, it's not who you and stop harboring on the past and thinking, oh, I've done all these things, nobody's ever gonna love me and I can't be on it to someone about keep it real with somebody that about who I've been in my past and understand that everything that you've done has made you the beautiful being that you are today. So yeah, I would say, keep it present and be in the present moment. 01:22:13 Speaker 2: I love that. I love that. Thank you so good, Thank you so much. I love you, I love you. This is good, this is really good much. 01:22:22 Speaker 1: Gosh, Oh, thank you so much, and thank you guys so much to keep it positive, sweetie. And if you want to write in, please write in to keep it positive sweetie at gmail dot com. 01:22:33 Speaker 2: I can't wait to hear from you. 01:22:34 Speaker 3: Guys. 01:22:35 Speaker 1: Follow me on all platforms at Love, Luv, Chris Doorine and Jazzy tell us where they can follow you and what you got going on? 01:22:41 Speaker 2: Cuse you got a lot of things. 01:22:42 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Well, I don't know when this is going to air, but hopefully it's before my tours. You can follow me I watch Jazzy and you can also follow me at Toya Turn Up, Toya Underscore turn Up and we have a little probably. 01:22:56 Speaker 2: Like six city tour we're doing. And the link is in my biophone to day. 01:23:00 Speaker 3: Yes, catch her on Oh, catch me on the Teams season one and two into a stage. Yeah, and just stay tuned for all the projects that I have gone. Yeah, a lot of great things that I can. 01:23:13 Speaker 1: Talk about right exactly, but yeah, keep eye for this when she is definitely want to watch. If you're not upon her, get up on her. She will definitely brighten your day. 01:23:22 Speaker 2: Follow her on. 01:23:22 Speaker 1: Instagram and we will see you next time. But in the meantime, you guys know what to do. 01:23:27 Speaker 2: Keep you positively, Love you guys,

Body Count with Jasmin "Watch Jazzy" Brown

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