The Secrets To a Badass Dating Profile

Robin Fisher Roffer: Great relationships are not found, they are made, right? So we need to invest in somebody, get to know them more. You know, I hate the idea that you're like trying to change someone, right? We don't wanna fall in love with somebody's potential, but we do need to acknowledge that we are conditioning people all the time. And so I often say that, know, Trevor before me had whatever 28 years of Cathy's conditioning, and now he's the top graduate of Natalie Post Finishing School, which is... We teach each other things, you know? And he's my greatest teacher just like I am his. And that's what I want for everybody is just to be learning and iterating through their connections. Welcome to Plenty of Husbands, the podcast for women who are older, wiser, and hotter. This is where we inspire women in midlife to believe they can love again. And I'm your host, Robin Fisher-Roffer. Now let's meet our incredible guest. Okay, today we're diving into a conversation that every single woman in midlife needs to hear. Are you tired of repeating the same unfulfilling dating patterns? Do you feel overwhelmed by the complexities of love in 2026? Well, Natalie Post is here and she is a dynamic dating coach and a seasoned profile dating photographer with over 15 years of experience in blending art and therapy. Now she's got a sharp focus on relationship science and a unique perspective that challenges conventional views on monogamy. She's here to help you uncover the love lives, the love life that you have always dreamed of. Now, what's her philosophy? Well, I'm gonna tell you, and you're gonna hear all about it in the next 30 minutes. This is her truth. Everyone is someone's dream partner. And she's on a mission to empower you to become the catch you've been searching for by understanding the evolutionary and neurological drivers of attraction. she'll guide you to see your own patterns and break free from the cycle of unfulfilling relationships. Now, get ready to challenge your perceptions and open your heart to the possibilities ahead. Let's dive in and discover how to create a life full of rich, rewarding relationships. because every woman is worthy of love that fulfills her soul. Natalie Post, welcome to Plenty of Husbands. Hi Robin, thanks so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to have you here. Now you have this unique background where you started out as a dating profile photographer and then you've now evolved, and this is over a 20 year period. into a dating coach. And you've learned a lot from taking people's pictures and then helping them with their profile all the way through the dating journey. So you know a lot. Tell me, Natalie, how is dating in 2026? How has it changed? What makes it different from the past? And why do you find that it's, as you say, counterintuitive? feel like dating in 2026 is largely marketing, to be honest, which your background can understand. And I think a lot of that can be counterintuitive. Now, people love to blame the apps and say that that's why dating is really hard nowadays, but it's always been like this. If you go back and look at sitcoms, Seinfeld, Friends, dating was always hard and it requires a lot of discomfort. And I think nowadays we are really leery of discomfort, right? We are so used to the frictionless experience of convenience over connection. And so it's making something that was already somewhat unnatural to us, right? And this is where the evolutionary piece comes into play because like we used to get married for property or, you know, familial combinations of wealth. Now we get married for love. And as you know, love is a neurochemical process that can sometimes inhibit our best decision-making, if you will. I've married three times and divorced. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, so I mean, but that's incredible learning, right? And one of the things that I tell all my clients is that, you know, as long as you're learning, you're succeeding because that's what we're here to do. We're here to connect and learn and grow. And relationships are not, you know, someone's not going to come in and like save you from yourself. What relationships are is a mirror of the work that we still need to do. And so if you can reframe it in that way. I think it becomes more empowering and exciting even to like, let me find my next teacher. Well, that is really insightful. And I have to say, when I got my third divorce and I was 50 years old and I started dating again, I was attracting like a mirror where I was at. And at one point, I attracted somebody that my father met and his job in World War II was to decide if somebody was an enemy combatant or not. Can you imagine? So he was a great judge of character. This guy that showed up in Atlanta to meet my dad, when he went to the bathroom during a dinner that we had together, my father turned to me and said, that guy has the personality of the back end of a bus and a face to match it. You must feel really bad about yourself for choosing somebody like that. Now my father was 100 % right. That guy was a mirror to my low self-esteem where I was at. And I had a lot of internal work to do to not attract that guy. Just PS, I really trust my dad. So I broke up with that guy immediately. ⁓ I'm so proud of you. And you know, what you just pointed out there is an incredibly important part of my teaching, which is that we need trusted relationships in our life to reflect to us the quality of our decision-making in relationships. And so one of the primary pillars that I focus on is that Friendship is arguably more important, obviously this can come with family too, right? But like, than romantic love because lonely people are desperate and desperate people make bad decisions. And so we need people in our life to give us that connection, that oxytocin, that serotonin, so that we are better equipped to see clearly the kind of people that we're attracting and make better choices that are more aligned for who we are and what we need. So what I've heard you say so far, Natalie, and I 100 % agree with it, is that 2026 dating is a lot about marketing. I will. If you're dating online, As a brand strategist and a storyteller for over three decades, I can tell you that the brands that win, that are at the top of the game, the brands I've worked with have all been authentic, clear, and consistent. So when we talk about putting our dating profile out there or putting ourselves on social, it can't be a made up thing. It's got to be the real you. You can't or you're going to attract a bad guy. So on that note, let's get into your expertise as a dating profile photographer. What makes a good dating profile photo? What makes a bad one? And feel free to then tell me what to do on these apps, the do's and don'ts. But let's start with a picture and then get to using the apps. Well, and I love what you said there. I actually, have a post it on my note as a reminder that the most authentic. wins and wastes the least amount of time. So I think that's the key thing about the apps is that so many of the processes of attraction are subconscious, which means inevitably you're gonna waste time. You're gonna chat up somebody, you're gonna create this fantasy about them in your mind, and then you're gonna meet them and be like, the vibes are off, I don't know. And I will say that our impressions of people are pretty unstable, like the first three times we meet them, which means you wanna give people a chance, right? And I think that's more important than ever. We're all relation shopping, as Logan Urie says. She's the director of relationship science at Hinge. But you know, in late stage capitalism, our brains are working even more comparatively than they otherwise would. But to get to your question, the dating apps. So I think what is incredibly important, and I can go photo by photo here of what I recommend, but it's authenticity, right? And it's allowing yourself to be seen. We are all lovable. And in order to be loved, you must be known. So like you're not here to perform, be choosable for somebody. You are here to authentically market exactly who you are right now in this moment, not who you've been or who you wish you were, but who you are today is somebody's dream partner, okay? And so the first photo you have, I want it to be a portrait of you. It doesn't even have to be professional, but it does need to show your features. So I don't want any sunglasses or anything, right? Now you can use those maybe later, but ideally not. We want people to clearly see who we are. And I mentioned like everybody is a beach body. Every person is someone's dream guy, gal, whatever person you're into. Show up as you. Your second photo is like ideally a little bit further away, right? What I like to call a personality shot. Can we demonstrate something about our personality? What we love to do being somewhere that we love to be, you know, including a photo of, so like maybe third or fourth, a photo of people in your life, you know, if you have some deep friendships, if you have a close relationship with your family, we don't want any, you know, shots where you can't tell which person that you are. But demonstrating that you have other people in your life is studied to have been important for potential matches. So we want to showcase that if you feel like you don't have anybody else in your life that you trust deeply enough to like have in a photo with you. That's where you need to start, right? As I mentioned, that's incredibly important too. And then again, like how can we paint the picture of what life is like with you? It's storytelling. What is my existence going to be if I choose you as my partner? How do you like to spend your time? All of that stuff so that someone can be a warm lead, so to speak, when they match you these very unromantic, unsexy marketing terms, but so that they, you know, know what they're getting into and want to buy. All right, so like, a picture of you hiking with your dog. Exactly right. Okay. You don't want to attract somebody who doesn't like people who hike, who don't like nature, who don't like to hike, you know, that's your thing. Then that's my thing, by the way, Natalie, that's, just got off the trail right before I put on this jacket and some lipstick. That's my thing. you're not into nature hiking, thank you. It's not going to work for me. So it's also like you're pat, you're trying to attract somebody that has your passions. Exactly. that likes those passions. ⁓ Maybe they don't play tennis, but they love to watch tennis. They think that it's great that you're fit, that you have friends on the court, that that's part of your life. They think that's cool. But you have to let them see a glimpse into what a future would be like with you, right? So that's those passion shots, those activity shots. So I heard you say first a head shot, then a body shot that shows personality, and then something that shows... what you're passionate about, what life with you might be like, the things you do like you love to travel, you love to eat great food, whatever it is, but you're showing the real you, right? Did I get that right? Is there more? There's more. Well, and what you're aiming to, I think, is really important to differentiate. So like the depending on the chapter of life, right? If we're talking midlife where baby making years are past us, whether we did that or not, we are in a different set where we care more about somebody having these same passions and hobbies as us. Though I will say that like statistically speaking or based on the research, actually sharing the same hobbies does not predict long-term success in partnership. The only things that do are kindness, emotional stability, and loyalty. shared hobbies is let's say it again. Put a pin, Natalie. Kindness, emotional stability, and loyalty. Those are the three things you need to have a sustained relationship. So the fact that like Brian, my sweetheart, he doesn't, he skis. and he bike rides, those are his passions, I don't. We make it because we have. But what I like is that he's fit and that he cares about being healthy and he loves the outdoors. That's what attracted me in terms of his passions. But what I'm hearing you saying are those other three things are way more important than what he does, it's who he is. And I think like social media has exacerbated this idea that like we need to have a partner that's just like us or that does all the same things as us. And I would argue that it's maybe even better to have different hobbies, right? Because then you are teaching each other about different ways of existing in the world. And you know, we want to have some alignment. One of the things that I do have all my clients in their cupcake, which is like their dream partner design. There's a template on my website. We'll chat more about that. But on your base, which are the non-negotiables, we want to have ideally somebody who has a healthy lifestyle, right? It is a big predictor of our long-term happiness. And so prioritizing that in whatever way feels good. Novel exercise in general is one of the best ways to make yourself happier. Altruistic activity is the other one, right? So like doing nice things for other people, that comes into that kindness part, right? And that's like a primary important factor in long-term sustainability in a partnership. But on your dating profile, you know, I don't want you to put like a photo of you on top of a mountain if you did that one time. I want you to put things that are... to how you spend your time today. And that can be literally like curled up on the couch with a mug of tea and your dog, you know? Or like whatever that looks like for you if you practice yoga regularly. You know, if I was gonna make my dating profile today, I'd probably put something of me covered in sweat after hot yoga, because I'd be like, this is how you'll find me five days a week or whatever, right? So, you know, or like at the park with Carl, my dog is behind us now. So, you know, anything and everything that really accurately paints the picture of how you spend your time so that you don't have to later be like, now I've attracted this mountaineer and I'm going to have to ice pick my way up a canyon when I really just go to the mountain once for a dare, you know? That's so funny. I'm just going to tell a side story. I will never forget. I got on the dating apps for one week. and I tried them out, because everybody kept saying, get on the apps, you're not finding the right guys. And I'm on, at that time it was Tinder was the app. Well, and this probably kind of overwhelming. It was so overwhelming, but every guy in New Mexico that I came across like had a low rider, he was wearing camo, he had, you know, either a gun or a fishing pole with a big fish on it. had his like- photo, they're holding the fish. Why do guys do these fish photos? And I was with a girlfriend, she's like, Swipe, swipe, swipe, get ready. So what I did, and I want to ask you about this Natalie, is I cast a wider net beyond New Mexico. What do you think of looking outside of your zip code? You know, I often will suggest that to people. obviously we have to acknowledge our constraints in our life, right? So that's not feasible for everybody. But if you're a person who's been having repeated, I hate to even use the word failures, right? But like you're not having success finding alignment where you are. I am a very firm believer that if you aren't connecting with people, it's not because something's wrong with you, it's because you're in the wrong place. And I have lived in Denver, in Las Vegas, I was based out of Miami for a while. These cities have very different energies around connection, you know? And so Seattle, city of introverts, it is like the Seattle freeze is real, right? They've studied this. 60 plus percent of people don't want to even talk to a stranger. Now, Brandon, I thought that you can bust through that. And that's actually how I met my husband, is I was photographing his brother's wedding and his mom mentioned that he was moving to Seattle. Now, little did I know he was moving from Kirkland, which is just on the East Side, but they were all from Bellingham. So I thought he was coming down. That's up north, like a couple of hours, particularly Canada. And I gave him my card and was like, hey, when you get to Seattle, you know, I'm on a mission to burst the Seattle freeze. So let me know if you want to connect. And of course this guy was like, you're actually going to need to take me home tonight. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? Excuse me? And he was like, everyone else is going back to Bellingham, but I need to go back to my new place. So I'm going to need a ride. And of course I thought he was just flirting with me. So then we left without him, me and the other photographer. And he called me 20 minutes into a 40 minute drive and was like, you have to come back for me. I'm going to be stuck here. And this is a lie, by the way. His cousin was supposed to take him back or his brother, I don't remember. I was like, something about this makes me feel like I should go back and I did. And the other photographer took the send off shot that is like still to this day, his brother's background on his phone. And obviously we're going on eight years and two kids. So, you know, dare to challenge the connection standards of your city. But yes, long rendered way of answering your question. I think sometimes people do need to look outside of where they are because where you are just might not be your vibe, you know? Or inside where they are because I ended up finding Brian at school. He was a school dad. Well, and that's another thing that I say is that like you can probably have, you know, an incredible life with somebody who's on your block. Or you can date 500 people to find the absolute dream. You just might have to go to Sweden or Norway to find them, you know? And so these two truths can be held together. And we can, you know, depending on your comfort level or your scale on the introversion, extroversion, right? You have to choose what's aligned for you and great relationships are not found, they are made. So we need to invest in somebody, get to know them more. You know, I hate the idea that you're like trying to change someone, right? We don't want to fall in love with somebody's potential, but we do need to acknowledge that we are conditioning people all the time. And so... I often say that, you know, Trevor before me had whatever, 28 years of Cathy's conditioning. And now he's the top graduate of Natalie Post finishing school, which is we teach each other things, you know? And he's my greatest teacher, just like I am his. And that's what I want for everybody is just to be learning and iterating through their connections. is amazing. And sometimes you have to turn the car around and drive 20 minutes back because the love of your life is waiting at the end of someone else's wedding. Exactly right. you. know. Weddings are a great place to meet people, don't you think? They are, you know, it's the strength of weak ties, which is Dr. Meg Jay. We can get into her, but the idea that we are much more likely to benefit from people we don't know well because they have whole different networks than us. And so, and this goes for jobs, opportunities, whatever it may be, right? But especially connection, you know? So I want to always encourage people, especially in Seattle, where they're less likely to do so. to connect with people you don't know well because they might know your next husband or partner, you know? So it's important to leverage weak connections like at a wedding where you're like stranger at this car. Yeah, take my card. Call me when you get into town or tonight and we'll get married. I've read through all the research I've done about you that you feel that everyone is worthy of a life full of deep loving relationships. But how do women who are divorced or widowed, who are or feel that they're emotionally crushed? Where do they even begin? You know, I think this is very multifaceted, right? But like, in the exact minute where you feel like you're having a hard time getting over a relationship, you know, connection is incredibly healing of all kinds, right? So we want to chase our curiosity, nurture every connection, but focus on like, what lights me up? Who do I already know in my life that makes me feel like the absolute best version of myself? Because that's actually what you're looking for, right? When I do the dream partner design, it's not because I want to give you another list of unrealistic expectations. It's that I want you to generate action items of how you might find this person. But then at the end of the little template, I'm like, set that aside and think about who in your life makes you feel like the best version of yourself. Because it's probably somebody random you're even thinking about, like my 55-year-old female mentor, right? But like her energy is what I really need. And of course, Trevor and her are very similar, you know? So just to say that we need to focus on all of the connections, not just that, and then prioritize our daily dose, as I like to call it, which is dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins, right? If you can check these things off your list every day, and I can get into like ways in which to do each of those, if people feel like that's helpful, focusing on ourselves, how we are pouring into ourselves, nourishing ourselves. moving our bonds, right? We got to get those endorphins, novel exercise I mentioned, and then showing up in service of other people allows us to get out of our own heads and into our own experience so that we're more likely to connect with other people and less likely to fixate on what has been or what might be, you know? So you mentioned nurturing deep loving connections beyond, you know, the traditional dating landscape. So yeah, the first reaction. Yeah, I think the first It sounds like there's levels. So the first level is getting that nurturing deep loving connection to ourselves. Then looking at the friends that we have that lift us up, that make us feel great, that bring out the best in us. What are those qualities writing them down? The people you're having right now, deep loving connections with. What are they bringing to the table? And that starts to help create what your future partner looks like. So how do then you move beyond that? those two layers of I love myself for X, Y, and Z. I love my friends for X, Y, and Z. And now I want a partner that brings out the best in me. How do we move beyond those two levels to this third level of the dating landscape? So I'm going to regurgitate some Logan Urie advice here because it's some of my favorites, which is called the event decision matrix. And essentially it is you want to fill your calendar with things where you have a high likelihood of one-on-one connection with people. and a high likelihood of enjoyment whether or not you meet somebody. So this comes back to this idea of, you know, filling your own cup, but you're doing it in a way that is inherently gonna bring you to new and different people. That is where you'll start to forge these new connections. So I use the language like, I want you to be booked and busy and you don't even have to do the things that you're putting on your calendar. But the first of every month, I send everybody like a list of, here's all the stuff that's happening in this city. These things would be great date ideas or just like fun curiosity driven learning and exploring. And I challenge you to put at least one on your calendar every week, two, if you're feeling wild, you know, we know people are busy. I'm not trying to force you to radically change the way you exist in the world, but we have to create these opportunities to connect. And with remote work, you know, people just aren't. having the same repetitive exposure that we once did. And element of new relationships of all kinds is repetitive exposure. That's why it was so easy to make friends in college or in school, because you see the same people over all the time. And that's the mere exposure effect at work, right? Like the more we know somebody or see them, the more we like them. And so we have to create repetitive exposure with intention, especially as we get to midlife. And you know, this can look as much or look like actually getting out of the car when you drop off your kids and like saying hi to whoever's out there greeting the kids and then wishing them a good day and saying hi to your friends. One of the other things that is my favorite piece of advice for a client starting out wanting more connection is the five foot, 10 foot rule. This is what we are preached on ships. So I used to run the private studio for Norwegian Cruise Lines on one of their biggest cruise ships where we did portrait photography of all kinds, right? And so one of the rules is that you have to greet anybody who's within 10 feet of you. You acknowledge them with a smile, a nod, a wave. If they're within five feet of you, you must literally greet them. Hey, how's it going? ⁓ my gosh, I love your bag. Very cute dog. These things that are inviting connection and signaling openness, because the people who are the most approached in the wild are not the most attractive. They are the ones who signal openness the most. And so it starts right there with signaling openness everywhere you go. I love that. I really do believe it is about energy. You are giving this open feeling of that. energy, my energy is beaming towards you. I am an easy person to talk to. You're letting your guard down, you're letting your hair down, and you're saying hello. I had somebody on our show whose recommendation was just say hi, just say hi. love that. So I love your idea of, you know, five foot, it's like this, you know, closer, it's like that. But It's all about being open and saying hello for sure. But that's hard for some women who are shy. And I feel like even if you're just smiling, know, that helps. Just showing up and feeling and being happy to be there radiates. And people may be attracted to you magnetically. And you're not saying a word, you're just giving off good vibes. there's like real research behind this too. So Vanessa Van Edwards is another gal I would direct people to go explore her work. She wrote the book Captivate. She talks about the literal physical cues that you practice. Her shtick is that she's a recovering awkward person. And so things like, you know, looking around the room, right? Eye contact, open shoulders, you know, literally opening your body towards people. if you're at ballpark... I'm doing it Natalie. Exactly right. Like we're open to each other. You know, the proportion between your earlobes and your shoulder is like a direct cue of how confident you are. So the first step is just practicing dropping those shoulders down and walking tall, right? Looking around a room. So like take your AirPods out, get off your phone and look around and you'll be shocked how many people are there. And yes, it's less common, right? You'll look around and you'll be like, ⁓ my God, everyone's on your phone. And then you become more motivated to be like, I'm going to chat these people up. Sometimes I literally will be in a line and I'll be like, what are you looking at on your phone there? You know, just let me be a part of your world for a second, you know? Shocks people sometimes, but most people, oh, that's a great idea. That's the only way you'll talk to anyone in San Francisco. They're all on their phone. You'll go, hey, what's on your phone? No, well, and that's another thing, like especially at a place like in San Francisco where they've got these Uber-less or, you know, driverless cars now. The option to choose convenience over connection is just slapping you in the face at every turn. And we need to prioritize connection over convenience every chance we get. to prioritize connection over convenience. I love that. Very important. And it'll change your life, you know, not just in the ways of like connecting relationally. physically, intimacy, what have you, but in just having a bigger network. And, you know, my husband's always ranting about how your network is your net worth. And that is so true too. And so if we just focus on that, and like, again, this all comes from a place of, am worthy of love, and in order to be loved, I must be known. And it takes practice, it can feel uncomfortable. But I promise you, once you do it a little bit, you're five foot, 10 foot ruling your way through the world. And you're like, okay, this guy's, he's meandered into within 10 feet of me. I'm gonna have to smile and nod. But the more you do it, you're like, ⁓ he smiled back. And then like this lady laughed and then she complimented me. And what do you know, now I'm getting all this free serotonin from walking down the street. And that's your mood and your energy levels. So then what do know, your mood goes up, you've got higher energy and it's all compounding for a life full of more love. I love that. You have been doing this for almost two decades, over two decades, Natalie, I'm guessing. The photography part. How much? The photography part, certainly. ⁓ yes, which was the natural evolution into the dating coaching, which is so great. What are some of the surprising truths in that time that you've discovered about what women want versus what they truly need in relationships? Well, so This is also like very multifaceted, but you know, we can get into the evolution of it all where just two generations ago, it was literally important for the survival of your children or your offspring or your community to have somebody who was physically bigger than you or who had higher sociological status, right? This concept is called hypergamy where we want somebody who is like as, you know, at the same plane as us or above, whereas men are not socialized that way or it's not a driver for them, right? And so I think those expectations, biases are carrying through when they no longer apply. Attraction is also a very subconscious process that is largely based on your relational coding, as I like to call it. So like your models of love. And in media, we have a lot of misleading models of love. And then based on our divorce rate, we know that there's a lot of problematic models of love from people's parents and dynamics there. And your nervous system is not a moral entity. does not recognize good or bad. It just recognizes familiarity. And so we have to get really clear about like, what is this familiarity? Is my attraction something that I deeply trust? Like, were my parents model of love something that I really want? Or is it something that might lead me to a similar dynamic that's tough? And I mean, we can all do this work. We can know this stuff so deeply. And still when I watch my husband and my dad next to each other, I'm like, LOL, look what I've done. is so sweet. You know, luckily I have a great relationship with my dad. So that's, you know, not, we're working still, but I think that's, you know, another thing that we have to take into account is that our, are heavily impacted by the models of love that we have seen, not to mention these like biases that are fed to us that are not real, you know, it's, it doesn't matter if somebody's taller than you. In fact, I like to say that short men have, dare I say, better character sometimes because they've had to work harder, right? And this is no knock, there are wonderful tall men in the world, but tall men are socialized to get preferential treatment, right? We favor them, things are easier for them, this has been studied, CEOs are more likely to be taller because people are, I don't know, not intimidated per se, but they're like, the respect is more automatic. Whereas shorter men have a harder time, so they have to be funnier or be more charismatic, whatever it may be. And so if you can let go of these expectations that like, I'm gonna be happier with a hotter, taller guy, like spoiler alert, you're not. You might find deep and meaningful love with somebody in a package that you would never have expected. And that's why I love to fixate on like, who are the people in your life who make you feel like the best version of yourself? Because I bet it's not some hot tall guy. I bet it's like your gal pal who's just, you know, in a totally different package than what you're envisioning as like the deep and meaningful loving relationship that you might need, you know? And that's the love that lasts over time. Exactly right. Because the chemistry part is so fleeting. I know, and that's so huge too, right? There is very real fizzling out, so to speak, of this passionate love. And ideally it's going to transition into what we know as companionate love. But not always, you know, it's a chemical process and that is where I maybe have some like unpopular opinions on monogamy. Obviously I'm in a monogamous relationship and think it can be incredibly rewarding, but it's bad for genetic variation, which means it doesn't, it's not natural technically. Some people would maybe argue with me, but that is my perception and what we see very clearly in the, you know, long-term stability of many people's partnerships. More often than not, they don't last the long-term. And I think that's because at a certain point, your body's like, okay, these chemicals have fizzled out, which are driving our reproduction, which again, midlife is different, right? We're looking for more companionship, which is great. And also, you know, take some of that like complicated chemical stuff out of the picture. You know, we fizzles out and then we have to work hard to maintain connection. And so I love that Esther Perel says, most of us will have at least two to three adult relationships in our life. And for some of us, that will be with the same person. So we need to create things that like continue to keep the spark alive, keep dating your partner, prioritize check-in rituals so that you are staying aligned on your values and making sure where there's any mismatch, it's not becoming like a seed of separation and is instead just an opportunity to grow together. I love all of this because I love that you give women who have been in long-term relationships the permission to reinvent them, which is one of the main themes of my life, reinvention, and women like myself who have married and divorced several times the opportunity to know that they can love again. That is the mission of this podcast. Thank you for saying all that because I think so often we have shame around either. God, I've been with this guy since I was 19 years old. I've never been with anyone else. Can we go another minute? And letting them know, yes, you can reinvent the relationship. You can revitalize it. Or if you've been like myself, married and divorced several times, Can you reframe that into something positive through the way that you tell your own story, which I'm very big on. I know in your coaching, you must have some tips for women who tell their own story, like on a date for the first time, and somebody will say, tell me about your love life. What should they say, what should they not say in those early stages? You know, as someone who has always been like unabashedly honest about who I am, I once had a side story. I once had a man tell me that I was like this wonderful treasure, but I hand everybody the map. And at the time I was like, oh my God, I need to be more mysterious or I have to like, you know, hide more of myself. But now I'm like, yeah, what a gift. You're welcome for that map, bro. Too bad you didn't choose this treasure. You know, I feel like there's nuance in that, you know, when you're dating on the apps in particular, you are for lack of a better, more, you know, optimistic term. competing against the fantasy of these other people. And so the trauma dump of every single thing that I've experienced is maybe not the way, but I think that there is real, you know, importance in not having shame around what you've experienced. Like that's just your life and it's not so serious, right? We're meat sex, hurling through space. Like it's, if we can laugh it off. I'd like, yeah, I've been married three times and ⁓ my gosh, can I tell you how much I learned in all of those experiences? And I'm gonna be a much better partner to you because of what I have learned through doing that, instead of being like, this somehow damages my value. Remember, so much of this idea that like that is bad is rooted in patriarchal misogyny where like women's value is like being property of men. And so if you've been property of other men, you know, it's all gross to me ultimately. I'm like, that. And you will dispel shitty men by sharing honestly about your past because men who care about that are not who you want, you know? Thank you. That felt like a relief. That was wonderful. Like embrace that girl. You're flawless. You've learned everything. amazing. You've learned a lot. Brian has always said that my past was an adventure. I love every frame. It's terrific. So before we close, I want to know What's next for you and your work? It sounds like you're reading so much. You really got the science down. You are incredible with this knowledge you're giving us that is fact-based. And also, I can see that you are woman with great intuition and you can guide your clients towards happiness. I want to know what's next for you and your work. Are you writing a book? What are you doing? And how can our listeners connect with you? So I am, I'm just coming out of postpartum with my second son. And so I am just now emerging, I feel like, into what I am hoping will be more of like a speaking and connecting in the real world with people. I would love to write a book someday. I have some notes in my Google Doc, but I don't know how soon that's going to happen because I have two children climbing into my bed at 4 45 a.m. kind of blocks your creativity sometimes. But right now I do a lot of one-on-one coaching with people. I'm in the middle of designing, you know, some, model of the curriculum that I can disseminate in bigger ways. So I've been doing talks recently, obviously talking to you, trying to get more of these moments where I can spread this knowledge to more people because it is such a need, you know? As I mentioned, it's counterintuitive, right? And so I feel like there, it's a little bit of the blind leading the blind out there. And relationship science has always been my hyper fixation. And so it really lights me up. My work doesn't feel like work. And so the more of it that I can do, the more people I can help, which is liberating. And if you were a person who's listening to this and you need more love in your life, go to my website, postproductions.com. You can find me on Instagram at postproductions, but I am here for you. Even if, you know, when my clients or excuse me, when potential clients do. discovery calls, I still send them away with a bunch of information so that whether or not you hire me, you are a better dater after we connect. You're so generous, Natalie. That is wonderful. So postproductions.com, you're Natalie Post. I would love to have been coached by you back in the day. So I think anyone who's out there who's single, please reach out to Natalie. Any final thought or message you'd like to leave our listeners with? I would just love to remind everybody that you are the love of your life, okay? I want you to focus on pouring into yourself, remembering that truth that, you know, wherever you are, it's this or something better. So if you feel like you need to redesign, if you feel like you need to change things, change them, because you'll be on your way to something better. And like hold those truths so that you never feel rushed, you're right on time, you are the love of your life. I love- That wonderful message. Loved talking to you, Natalie. All right, everyone, that's it for today's episode of Plenty of Husbands. I want to thank our guest, Natalie Post, for bringing us her deep wisdom, her vast experience. And until next time, remember to practice your ABCs of love, action, belief, and courage. I'm Robin Fischer-Roffer, inspiring women who are older, wiser, and hotter. to step into their next chapter and live their greatest love story. Thank you so much, Natalie. Bye-bye everyone. See you next time.