#21 Rachael

Hello, podcast friends. Jonathan Here. For the protection of those 0:00:04.120 --> 0:00:07.080 involved in today's story, some of the names have been changed, 0:00:07.680 --> 0:00:12.879 but not my name. I'm still me Jonathan Goldstein. Boom boom, 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:14.120 Let's start the show. 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:21.800 Hello. 0:00:22.239 --> 0:00:23.919 Do you remember when you came back from England and 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:25.880 you were referring to the bathroom as the loo? 0:00:26.280 --> 0:00:27.000 What's wrong with that? 0:00:27.160 --> 0:00:27.240 You? 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:28.840 We were in a cafe and you were like, oh, 0:00:28.880 --> 0:00:30.560 one moment, I just have to find out where the 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:31.080 loo is. 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:32.920 And I was like, Lou, I mean, you spent a 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:33.760 year in the country. 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:34.640 You pick up stuff that. 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:36.720 I think you were only there like a couple of weeks. 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:39.400 I was there for I think you were. 0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:40.960 There for a couple of weeks. 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:46.919 I'm it's been a while, all right, all right, let's 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:49.200 let's okay. You know we're getting off on the wrong 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:51.440 foot here. Let's walk it back. Do you like eating 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:54.520 buttered mashed potatoes? Would you eat a toilet? Do you 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:56.960 like noodles? Do you like the sound of the wind 0:00:57.000 --> 0:01:01.080 in the trees? Do you like climbing trees? Conclusion, I 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:03.000 would like to say that this was a very nice 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:14.440 telephone call for who from Gimblet Media. I'm Jonathan Goldstein 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:32.240 and this is heavyweight today's episode, Rachel. Sometimes an impetuous 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:35.520 decision you make as a kid carries over into adulthood, 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:39.840 and day after day you write out the consequences on autopilot. 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:43.280 Sure you could always take back the wheel and change course, 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:46.480 but it's easier just not to think about it. 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:48.440 So it sort of starts out in that. 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:50.840 So I never had I never had a boyfriend or 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:53.640 anything in high school. 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:57.880 Just for Rachel's a thirty year old PhD candidate in genetics, 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:00.920 and she has a decision like that, a choice she 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:04.000 made as a college student that's determined the last ten 0:02:04.080 --> 0:02:07.920 years of her life. Lately, though, she's been wondering if 0:02:07.920 --> 0:02:08.959 there's something she can. 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:09.480 Do about it. 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:11.520 I was in college, And the. 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:14.440 Story begins when Rachel was eighteen and she took a 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:16.959 job at a restaurant to make some extra money. 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:19.919 And as I was working in this restaurant, I started 0:02:20.680 --> 0:02:21.480 dating this guy. 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:23.320 What was his name? 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:31.960 His name was Oscar Okay, yeah. 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:32.000 Which is the name I've not said in a while. 0:02:36.600 --> 0:02:41.040 So Oscar just immediately started like paying attention to me. 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:44.800 He like asked if I wanted to come early one 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:49.119 day and like help him cook because I really liked. 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.959 I really like cooking, and I have this like very 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:54.440 clear memory of being next to him in him like 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:56.520 toasting fennel, which was like. 0:02:58.040 --> 0:02:58.760 Super hot. 0:03:00.240 --> 0:03:03.360 It was really he made me feel special. And then 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:05.880 every now and then I'd look over and they'd. 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:08.320 Be like a perfectly seared scallop on my station. 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:17.080 In the beginning of their relationship, Oscar and Rachel would 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:20.040 go out after work, still wearing their chef clothes, and 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:23.600 they'd hang out into the night. It was fun, but 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:27.240 pretty soon Oscar started demanding more of her time. Rachel 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:29.200 was in college and Oscar wasn't. 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:31.679 There would be points where I was studying and he'd 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:33.480 be like, we need to hang out and I would 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.960 be like, no, I'm studying, and he would be like 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:39.440 this is unacceptable, Like are you studying with other guys? 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:43.320 Oscar could get needy, moody, and the two of them 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:47.280 didn't communicate well. After about a year, Rachel wanted to 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:50.120 break up with Oscar, but as a teenager in her 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:54.560 very first relationship, it was hard. She kept trying, but 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:57.200 you couldn't make it stick. So in a last ditch 0:03:57.240 --> 0:03:59.880 effort to put some space between them, she took as 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:02.600 I'm her job as a nanny in England. 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:07.560 We then had sex one last time, and then I 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:10.280 went to England and I never saw him again. 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:21.279 In the autumn, Rachel returned to school oscarless. One Sunday morning, 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:24.120 while over at her parents, she noticed them looking at her. 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:25.320 Funny, I guess they. 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:26.240 Hadn't seen me in a while. 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:31.680 And my mom she literally just lifts up my shirt, 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:36.240 pokes my stomach and was like, Rachel, go. 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:37.760 Take a pregnancy test. 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:47.200 I went back to my apartment and took the pregnancy 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:53.800 test and it was positive. I remember just being just 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:59.520 not feeling anything and being on the bathroom floor, and 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:03.440 then I called my parents and my dad came and 0:05:04.120 --> 0:05:07.000 I remember him picking me up off of the bathroom floor. 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:12.640 At that point, without even realizing it, Rachel was already 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:14.479 six months pregnant. 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:19.039 Which I find hilarious because I was a biology major 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:24.200 and by that time being six months pregnant, I just 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:28.479 we were going with it at that point. So I 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.920 basically had three months to like find a doctor and 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:36.400 like build a crib and figure out daycare. Like the 0:05:36.400 --> 0:05:39.880 health insurance issue was a big enough headache on its own, 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:44.360 Like student health insurance doesn't cover maternity On the. 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:47.200 Day of the delivery, a friend posted an open invite 0:05:47.200 --> 0:05:49.520 to the hospital on Rachel's Facebook wall. 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:53.120 Hey, Rachel's having a baby. Come over. 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.520 It's like you're having a keger or something. Yeah, were 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:58.960 you like the first of the friends to have a baby? 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:02.480 Oh yeah, by like ten years. 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:06.039 Rachel sent me a photo of everyone hanging out in 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:09.200 the maternity ward. They look exactly like what they are, 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:12.360 a bunch of kids too young to legally at tande 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:16.880 Kegger and with all of these baby faced, sweatshirted classmates 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:19.240 rooting for her outside the delivery room. 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:23.320 I like had my daughter. 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:32.600 That night, after her parents left the hospital and her 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:35.840 friends returned to their dorms, Rachel was left all alone 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:40.800 for the first time with her daughter, Lena, and. 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.600 I remember holding around just looking at her and saying, like, 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:47.279 I have a baby, Like I have a baby. 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:57.320 It was Friday night, Monday was a holiday. By Tuesday, 0:06:58.000 --> 0:07:01.640 Rachel was back in class And as for Oscar. 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:04.640 So that's the crazy thing is. 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:08.640 The only thing I really knew was that, like, the 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:11.240 one thing that could make this really really hard is 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.040 if I have to deal with a person that I 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:19.680 really really don't want to deal with and so I didn't, So. 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:21.920 You meaning you didn't you didn't tell Oscar? 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:25.280 Yeah, I didn't tell him because I just there were 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:28.000 so many things that got on the to do list 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.560 that the only thing going in my mind with regards 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:36.640 to Oscar was like, let's just not deal with that now. 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:41.000 And so Rachel's let's just not deal with that now. 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:44.280 Kept getting kicked down the road, one day handing off 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:50.760 to the next until today's her birthday, hadn't She's turning ten. 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:53.840 Wow, I have a ten year old. 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:59.280 I still can't believe it, Like she's amazing. 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:03.560 For Rachel, it's been ten years of birthdays and Christmases, 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:07.160 ten years of card games, bedtime stories and big Saturday 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:11.040 morning breakfast. But ten years too, of not telling Oscar 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:14.200 about his daughter, ten years of not telling Lena about 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:18.360 her dad. Rachel says that so far it hasn't really 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:18.800 come up. 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:23.240 I think she has once in like preschool, when they 0:08:23.240 --> 0:08:25.320 were doing making a family tree, and she was like, 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:29.920 why why don't I have a dad? And I was like, Mary, 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:32.400 you just don't, like you have Nana and pops. And 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:35.240 then the other cool thing is like one of her 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:37.240 good friends has two moms, so I can just be 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:39.920 like Eli has two moms, like look. 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.000 Over there, Like Eli doesn't have a dad either her like, 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:50.240 and she just sort of accepts that. But as my 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:53.319 daughter grows up right more and more, it. 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:56.240 Is obvious to me that one day she's actually going 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:59.120 to ask me about him. And then I don't know 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:02.960 what I'm gonna say, because the thing that scares me 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:07.800 is her being God sixteen seventeen eighteen and being like, mom, 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:11.640 like why did you do this? And me being like, 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:15.960 because it seemed kind of complicated at the time, like 0:09:16.840 --> 0:09:18.480 it is one hundred percent on me. 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.760 Is the reason that like, this person is not in 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:23.120 her life. 0:09:23.400 --> 0:09:25.920 I've never even been close to trying to, Like I've 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:30.400 never googled him. No once or twice a year. I'm 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:35.360 just like, hey, like I should tell Oscar, and then 0:09:35.400 --> 0:09:36.520 it's sort of a passing. 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:39.080 The feeling passes. 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:47.040 It isn't like Rachel doesn't think about Oscar in choosing 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:50.120 Lena's name, She intentionally picked something that could be pronounced 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:53.880 in Chinese. Rachel's half Chinese, as well as in Spanish 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:57.520 because Oscar's Mexican. Rachel doesn't want to live her life 0:09:57.559 --> 0:10:00.560 wondering if Oscar's out there, oblivious to the fact that 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:03.000 he has a ten year old daughter, and she doesn't 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.400 want another ten years to pass with Oscar still a 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:09.080 ghost that she and Lena can't discuss. So she wants 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:12.360 to find Oscar and tell me as a daughter, but 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.800 she says the Oscar she remembers ran hot and cold 0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:19.160 before getting Lena involved. She wants to know how he 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:23.200 feels about his fatherhood, and so Rachel wants to take 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:27.079 his temperature, or rather, she wants me to take it. 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:30.960 Can't you take someone's temperature? Isn't that what you do? 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:32.800 Hew? Do you mean? 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:33.920 I don't? 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:35.360 I want you to do all the work. 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:37.240 I don't know. 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:40.120 I'm not so much a temperature taker. I'm in an interlock. 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:48.079 It it's into locator. Yeah, but uh, I could take 0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:48.760 the temperature. 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:49.920 You would do that. 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.400 Yeah? 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:53.760 Wait, so we're doing this. 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:57.120 I think we are. I mean, that's what it sounds like. 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:02.280 And you know what this music sounds like, bargains boogying 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:06.120 out your buds, your earbuds. So make room in your 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:12.360 wallet for all the Benjamin's coming your way. You're about 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:18.880 to save big time, boss, big time. Rachel hasn't seen 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.560 Oscar in more than ten years, and she doesn't know 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:24.760 how to find him to tell him about Lena. Back 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:27.200 in the day, an old friend from the restaurant told 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:29.800 her that her pregnancy was the talk of the kitchen. 0:11:30.240 --> 0:11:33.600 So Rachel thinks it's possible Oscar might have already heard. 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:35.480 But we all know what. 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:39.440 Happens when one assumes, or at least I assume we 0:11:39.520 --> 0:11:42.559 all know. But since I don't want to be indicted 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.520 for the very crime against which I am building a case, 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:48.840 let me just say it outright, And if you already 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:52.239 know this, you can press fast forward. When one assumes, 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:57.439 one makes an ass out of you and me. Though 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:00.280 now that I say it out loud, I realize it 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.720 makes more sense written out. Let's stroll on over to 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:04.520 the chalkboard. 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:05.200 Shall we. 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:12.679 See the letter you stands for yo you, and then 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:16.800 the letters M and E spell me and ass. 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:19.000 That makes the ass part. 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:23.320 Of the proverb. Alex might want me to edit out 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.920 that ass, but I'll just say I was talking about 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:29.400 a donkey in the zoo. I assume he's too busy 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:32.920 capitalizing on opportunities to even notice the difference. 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:36.560 Hello, can you hear me? 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:36.880 Hey? 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:39.679 I can That's important? Can you hear me, yes, I 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:41.520 can hear you. We can hear each other. 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:45.079 This is Diane, the old friend of Rachel's from the restaurant, 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:48.000 who thought Oscar might have heard about the pregnancy. So 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:50.319 reaching out to her seems like a good way to 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:51.040 start the search. 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:55.960 I haven't been in pets Oscar for quite some years. 0:12:57.160 --> 0:12:59.800 After I left the restaurant, they started working at a 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:04.400 the same Crown, Okay, and I had seen him there 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:09.560 several years ago when he brought his family there. 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:14.000 He was with a family, as in, like he has kids. 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:14.720 Yeah. 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:18.560 He the last that I knew he had two little girls. 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:22.920 He had gotten married to this woman and had two 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:23.800 children with her. 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:27.920 So Oscar now has a family of his own, two 0:13:27.960 --> 0:13:31.880 little girls. Maybe when Rachel finally tells him about Lena, 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:35.000 as they get into the little things, Lena's love of chess, 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:38.199 how she's getting into anime, he could tell her about 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:41.760 his daughters, the things they like. They could talk about 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:44.720 being parents. And at the time that you that you 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:49.160 saw him, the subject of Rachel didn't come up. 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.560 Well, it kind of did. He would like ask me 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:55.480 how she was, and I'd be like, well, I haven't 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:55.800 seen here. 0:13:57.240 --> 0:14:00.199 Diane wasn't sure whether Oscar was fishing around for information, 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:03.280 and if he was, she didn't know what Rachel would 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:06.280 have wanted her to say, so at the time she 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:10.040 just played dumb and after that day she never ran 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:10.960 into Oscar again. 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:15.560 I hope that they're able to connect. I mean, just 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:17.079 so everybody's in the know. 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:18.680 I guess. 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:22.720 The only problem is it's not just Diane who's lost 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:25.760 touch with Oscar. No one from the restaurant has heard 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:28.800 from him in years. It's like he's just vanished. 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:43.240 Rachel, let me kick the dogs out of the room. 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:46.800 I'm really glad that you finished that sentence with out 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.920 of the room. I call Rachel to fill her in 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:53.480 about Oscar's two little girls, his marriage. Now, no one 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:56.880 knows where he is, and to this last point, Rachel 0:14:56.920 --> 0:15:00.840 isn't surprised. Since we last spoke, she's gun searching for 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:02.280 Oscar on her own. 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:07.040 Is like impossible to find, like for someone in twenty eighteen, 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:10.720 Like I cannot find any name because then, you know, 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:12.600 when we first talked, I was like, I've never even 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:16.040 looked about on Facebook, and now I've been like, I've 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:18.760 been cognitomode and look for him on Facebook like all 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:20.000 the time, and. 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:24.600 Like, I can't mind any other defining Uh middle does 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:25.440 he have a middle name? 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:29.560 The answer is yes, because he has two last names. 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:33.000 Well, I don't remember what the other one. 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:34.600 Do you know what my middle name? 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:36.680 Okay, here's the other the other thing. 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:45.280 My middle name is Stuart. And so I keep searching. 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:49.280 I look for Oscar on all the major sites, Facebook 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:53.880 dot CA, Twitter, dot Google dot Ca, but no dice. 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:59.800 Growing desperate, I even join LinkedIn. But after Jorge in 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:03.480 fun adds to my list of professional endorsements, the fact 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:08.520 that I quote smell moderately presentable, I delete my account. 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.160 Just as I'm about to give up, Rachel phones with 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:12.920 some good news. 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:17.080 My dad He found a W two form. 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:21.000 Rachel's father found an old W two of Oscars. It 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:23.800 was in a box of Rachel's old poetry, and the 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:28.360 form contains Oscar's first, last and middle name, which is 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:31.840 not Stuart, because why would it be Stuart's my middle 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:35.440 name if you've been following along thus far. Armed with 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:38.800 Oscar's full name, Rachel did some research and found two 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:42.920 possible addresses, and so she drafted. 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:44.560 A letter and I feel like we could send it 0:16:44.560 --> 0:16:48.000 to both addresses, and just like hope that it gets. 0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:50.040 To them, and maybe we'll even get one of those 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:52.320 fun stamps, or. 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:54.320 Like you could get a verified. 0:16:53.960 --> 0:17:00.000 Letter, right, Oh, that is an idea. That's a really 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.760 good idea. Then we would know that it's been received 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:07.760 and signed for. Yeah, for someone who had asked me 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:10.280 to do all the work. It seems like Rachel is 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:14.040 really taking care of business. Only her business is the 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:16.400 business of putting me out of business. 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:18.680 I feel really good about this. Thank you so. 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:22.919 Much, Rachel. Don't condescend to me. 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:31.119 In the letter, Rachel tells Oscar about her pregnancy and 0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:34.320 about Lena, my daughter and I have a great life, 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:37.760 she writes, and I don't want or need anything all 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:39.960 these years later, I just want to be able to 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:44.240 have an honest conversation. Rachel makes two copies of the letter, 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:47.320 one free to dress and to make me feel like 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:52.040 I'm not dead weight. She generously allows me to mail them. 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:55.399 At the post office. I'm served by a kind clerk 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:59.600 named Magnus. While those in line wait patiently. I ask 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:02.800 Mags to run down the list of all available stamps, 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:06.080 and he's more than delighted to do so. Birds in 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:10.560 winter solar eclipse. The Art of Magic Illinois statehood, Uncle 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:15.439 Sam's Hat and dragons. After several minutes of back and forth, 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:17.840 and with lots of support from the people waiting in 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:21.000 line behind me, egging me on, I choose a stamp 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:26.119 celebrating frozen treats. But here's the corker. After all of 0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:31.200 my choosing, rechoosing, hemming and hym get this. You don't 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:35.560 actually use a stamp on a verified letter. In fact, 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:39.199 it's not even called a verified letter. It's called a 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:42.479 certified letter because it certifies. 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:42.800 That it's verified. 0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:50.199 Learning about the United States Postal Service was fun, so 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:54.720 back at Gimblet headquarters, I decided to further educate myself online. 0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:58.840 Did you know that the original Pony Express was something 0:18:58.880 --> 0:19:02.800 of a misnomer. It actually made use of full size horses, 0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:07.640 and on its inaugural ride, those regular sized horses delivered 0:19:07.680 --> 0:19:15.320 important bank letters, miscellaneous papers, and five telegrams. Telegrams are 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:19.600 transmitted using Morse code. Because I don't have a telegraph 0:19:19.640 --> 0:19:23.359 with which to provide examples, I've instead here chosen to 0:19:23.520 --> 0:19:33.560 use this airhorn. That's how you say the word ass 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:37.200 in morse code. If Alex asks me to bleep out 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:39.679 any portion of it, I'll just say that a bleep 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:42.960 in Morse code language has meaning as well as a 0:19:43.080 --> 0:19:48.800 rich historical significance that ought to shut them up. After 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.480 a week of learning Morse code square words to tap 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:55.520 out on my stapler, I receive confirmation one of the 0:19:55.600 --> 0:20:05.960 letters has been received, and the signature on the receipt oscars. 0:20:06.960 --> 0:20:10.119 For weeks, I wait for Oscar to phone, but he 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:13.600 never does. I can't drop by his house because his 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:17.520 family might not know anything about Lena or even Rachel, 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:20.320 so we need another way to reach him, a phone number, 0:20:20.520 --> 0:20:25.160 an email address. I keep searching, and finally, after applying 0:20:25.200 --> 0:20:28.600 some good old fashioned Canadian elbow grease and hiring a 0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:32.960 private investigator, I discovered two potential Facebook accounts for Oscar. 0:20:34.040 --> 0:20:37.560 Immediately I send a message to each one, the same 0:20:37.600 --> 0:20:41.879 message we'd sent by certified mail. Further research reveals the 0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:45.600 phone number for Oscar's landlords, who also happened to be 0:20:46.280 --> 0:20:47.359 Oscar's in laws. 0:20:48.160 --> 0:20:50.080 Please record your message. 0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:50.640 Hi. 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:53.959 My name is Jonathan Goldstein, and this is I leave 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:56.760 a message for Oscar's mother in law, Barb. I don't 0:20:56.760 --> 0:21:00.119 make mention of Rachel, or Lena or even Oscar. All 0:21:00.160 --> 0:21:01.679 I say is that I sent a letter to one 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:03.920 of her tenants, and I wanted to follow up. 0:21:05.160 --> 0:21:08.160 Yes, this is concerning Oscar for mister Goldstein. 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:11.720 Before long, I received a message back from Barb. As 0:21:11.720 --> 0:21:15.119 it turns out, all my discretion was for not. She 0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:18.520 knows all about the letter and everything in it. This 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:27.959 is because Barb's the one who signed Oscar's name for it. 0:21:27.960 --> 0:21:34.000 It's a long story, but Austin's been deported. He is 0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:37.400 the daddy of my two granddaughters and was a very 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:40.919 active father with them. I would like him to know 0:21:41.040 --> 0:21:45.040 that he has another child. He was a very loving father. 0:21:45.200 --> 0:21:49.399 But well, things happened. So anyway, give me call and 0:21:49.400 --> 0:21:58.960 see what you want to do. Bye bye, hello, Yes, hello. 0:21:58.720 --> 0:21:59.439 Hello Hello. 0:22:00.440 --> 0:22:02.880 When I returned Barbe's call, she's at a school out 0:22:02.880 --> 0:22:05.840 in the desert where she does mental health work with kids. 0:22:06.400 --> 0:22:08.200 Your name is Jonathan something. 0:22:07.960 --> 0:22:09.320 Yeah, Jonathan Goldstein. 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:11.320 Okay, all right. 0:22:12.600 --> 0:22:15.120 Barb tells me that although she's still in touch with Oscar, 0:22:15.480 --> 0:22:18.320 he and her daughter are no longer together. I asked 0:22:18.320 --> 0:22:20.160 her how long ago Oscar was deported. 0:22:20.880 --> 0:22:26.879 Ah, exactly two years ago. He got three duys. He 0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:28.960 was a great guy, and then he suddenly went off 0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:31.560 the deep end, so he ain't coming back for a while. 0:22:32.800 --> 0:22:36.040 Barb says, Oscar's trying to quit drinking, but right now 0:22:36.400 --> 0:22:38.000 he isn't able to be much of a father. 0:22:38.480 --> 0:22:41.119 I mean because even his kids that you know he 0:22:41.200 --> 0:22:43.240 knew about, and that he was very. 0:22:43.000 --> 0:22:44.480 Close to your grandkids. 0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:49.679 Yeah, he has very sporadic contact with him. Right His 0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:52.560 younger daughter knows him well and loves him and was 0:22:52.600 --> 0:22:56.000 in a terrible shock he got taken away. So we're 0:22:56.000 --> 0:22:58.200 going to go to Mexico at some point and try 0:22:58.200 --> 0:23:00.639 to link up with him, but at this point, not 0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:03.439 yet till you know, he says he's getting sober, so 0:23:03.560 --> 0:23:05.280 that's sort of the goal. You don't want him to 0:23:05.280 --> 0:23:07.520 be with him if he's drinking. But he was a 0:23:07.520 --> 0:23:09.000 good daddy when he was a daddy. 0:23:09.160 --> 0:23:13.919 So Barbara can't say if Oscar knows about Lena, but 0:23:14.000 --> 0:23:16.359 she thinks that if he doesn't know, he'd want to. 0:23:17.160 --> 0:23:19.400 She has a number for him in Mexico, but says 0:23:19.440 --> 0:23:22.680 it really goes through. She offers to tell Oscar about 0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:25.320 Lena the next time he calls, though she can't predict 0:23:25.320 --> 0:23:28.280 how long the wait will be. As it turns out, 0:23:28.320 --> 0:23:38.480 though it's not long at all, just A few days later, 0:23:38.960 --> 0:23:43.119 oscar Facebook message is Rachel, he's received the message about Lena. 0:23:44.160 --> 0:23:47.880 I'm in Mexico having problems, He responds, the economy here 0:23:48.000 --> 0:23:51.760 is bad. They don't share stories about their daughters. There 0:23:51.800 --> 0:23:55.760 isn't a lot of small talk. Instead, Oscar tells Rachel 0:23:55.800 --> 0:23:58.919 that with regard to their talking, he can't afford a 0:23:58.960 --> 0:24:03.439 phone call, so Rachel suggests they try skyping, and Oscar 0:24:03.480 --> 0:24:05.879 asks to be sent money to buy some internet time. 0:24:07.040 --> 0:24:09.000 The two get caught up in a volley of messages 0:24:09.040 --> 0:24:11.600 about the logistics of setting up a phone call, who 0:24:11.640 --> 0:24:16.560 will pay for it, when it'll happen, but ultimately it 0:24:16.560 --> 0:24:20.680 doesn't happen at all. Their exchange ends with Oscar messaging 0:24:20.720 --> 0:24:23.400 to say, I ask for money to get phone time 0:24:23.440 --> 0:24:26.600 and internet to talk and solve all this, but seems 0:24:26.600 --> 0:24:31.760 like you don't care well have a nice day. Throughout 0:24:31.760 --> 0:24:35.120 the correspondence, Lena's name never even comes up. 0:24:36.720 --> 0:24:39.359 I went straight to like you don't care about me, 0:24:39.760 --> 0:24:43.280 Like you don't care about this, which is insane to 0:24:43.359 --> 0:24:46.480 me because like that's the kind of stuff he would 0:24:46.480 --> 0:24:50.639 say to me when we were in a relationship, Like 0:24:50.680 --> 0:24:53.520 if I didn't pick up the phone, it was just 0:24:53.640 --> 0:24:57.080 immediately very I don't know, it brought back like a 0:24:57.119 --> 0:25:04.000 lot of things very very quickly, and none of those are. 0:25:04.000 --> 0:25:05.960 Good things, right right? 0:25:07.280 --> 0:25:10.560 And then she never even wanted to know it was 0:25:10.720 --> 0:25:19.480 never even tell me about the kid, right right? 0:25:22.160 --> 0:25:27.520 I mean I accomplished what I originally set out to accomplish, 0:25:27.600 --> 0:25:29.639 which is I wanted to find him and I wanted 0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:32.400 to tell him that he had a kid. I guess 0:25:32.400 --> 0:25:38.720 the one the part that is like now sort of 0:25:38.720 --> 0:25:42.439 a U can of worms, is like, what do I 0:25:42.520 --> 0:25:43.199 tell Lena? 0:25:46.320 --> 0:25:49.600 For years, Rachel's assumed Lena's never asked about her dad 0:25:49.800 --> 0:25:53.639 because she's not curious. But lately a few things have 0:25:53.720 --> 0:25:55.960 happened that have begun to make her wonder if she 0:25:56.000 --> 0:26:00.159 hasn't been wilfully naive, if Lena isn't already curious but 0:26:00.200 --> 0:26:05.199 too afraid to ask. For instance, Rachel's father, Lena's granddad, 0:26:05.640 --> 0:26:08.439 recently overheard a friend of Lena's ask her over and 0:26:08.480 --> 0:26:13.280 over who her dad was. Throughout, Lena remained silent. 0:26:14.200 --> 0:26:19.960 She's just like a really good kid, and like she 0:26:20.040 --> 0:26:20.639 broke her. 0:26:20.560 --> 0:26:23.240 Toe the other week, and like I didn't even know 0:26:23.280 --> 0:26:26.560 what happened until like she was like my toe really hurt, 0:26:27.000 --> 0:26:30.440 and like that was I had this moment of intersection. 0:26:30.520 --> 0:26:32.040 Then I was like, oh my gosh, like what if 0:26:32.080 --> 0:26:35.120 I done to my child? Because she's like doesn't want 0:26:35.200 --> 0:26:36.040 to cause trouble. 0:26:38.600 --> 0:26:41.919 And then three weeks after we speak, Rachel finds one 0:26:41.920 --> 0:26:45.080 of her old college diaries in Lena's room. It's a 0:26:45.119 --> 0:26:48.560 black moleskin she started when she was pregnant. There's all 0:26:48.600 --> 0:26:50.800 this writing in there about that time in her life. 0:26:50.920 --> 0:26:53.480 Her anxiety is about having a kid, a bunch of 0:26:53.520 --> 0:26:57.440 poems she wrote trying to process her feelings. It's clear 0:26:57.480 --> 0:27:00.520 that Lena is looking into Rachel's past, doing it in 0:27:00.560 --> 0:27:04.920 her own way, a way that's private and quiet. Did 0:27:04.960 --> 0:27:10.480 you read my notebook? Rachel asks? No, Lina says, Are 0:27:10.480 --> 0:27:17.960 you sure? Asks Rachel, Maybe, Lina says, And in that 0:27:18.119 --> 0:27:21.840 maybe Rachel realizes that though the timing might not be 0:27:21.920 --> 0:27:24.480 right for her and Oscar to talk, it might be 0:27:24.520 --> 0:27:28.639 the right time for her and Lena. So one Saturday, 0:27:29.000 --> 0:27:32.720 after their ritual big Saturday morning breakfast, as Rachel and 0:27:32.800 --> 0:27:36.320 Lena lounge around in their pajamas, Rachel leads her daughter 0:27:36.480 --> 0:27:40.560 into the coziest room in the house, Rachel's bedroom, and 0:27:40.640 --> 0:27:43.919 with the morning lights spilling in through the windows. Lena 0:27:43.920 --> 0:27:46.679 and Rachel sit down on the carpet beside the bed 0:27:47.440 --> 0:27:47.920 and talk. 0:27:51.320 --> 0:27:51.399 So. 0:27:52.960 --> 0:27:54.560 I was wondering whether. 0:27:57.280 --> 0:28:05.639 You had ever wondered about out, maybe why you don't 0:28:05.720 --> 0:28:13.720 have a father. I haven't wondered in a while about that. 0:28:16.000 --> 0:28:17.359 I have in the past. 0:28:21.359 --> 0:28:23.119 I didn't know that really. 0:28:23.480 --> 0:28:30.399 Yeah, when you wondered, mm hmmm, why didn't you ask 0:28:30.480 --> 0:28:31.040 me about it? 0:28:33.760 --> 0:28:34.920 I didn't know how to ask. 0:28:34.960 --> 0:28:36.520 You didn't know how to ask. Is it just because 0:28:36.520 --> 0:28:37.040 you don't know. 0:28:36.920 --> 0:28:37.480 How to ask. 0:28:37.560 --> 0:28:38.880 I don't know how to ask, you don't know. 0:28:38.880 --> 0:28:39.360 How to ask? 0:28:39.480 --> 0:28:39.720 No? 0:28:41.160 --> 0:28:45.360 Well, so, now is there anything I want? 0:28:45.400 --> 0:28:46.800 All the w's. 0:28:47.880 --> 0:28:49.520 You want, all the wu's. 0:28:49.240 --> 0:28:50.680 Yeah, the w questions? 0:28:51.400 --> 0:28:51.680 Who? 0:28:51.760 --> 0:28:51.800 What? 0:28:52.000 --> 0:28:52.240 Where? 0:28:52.400 --> 0:28:52.640 Why? 0:28:52.960 --> 0:28:53.160 When? 0:28:53.560 --> 0:28:54.040 Yeah? 0:28:54.280 --> 0:28:59.120 Okay? So who? 0:29:01.480 --> 0:29:02.160 Uh? 0:29:02.200 --> 0:29:02.840 So you. 0:29:04.960 --> 0:29:10.040 Have a father. His name is Oscar. 0:29:11.440 --> 0:29:17.800 And he is in Mexico. We met when I was 0:29:17.840 --> 0:29:21.440 in college. We worked at a restaurant together. 0:29:22.520 --> 0:29:22.680 Yea. 0:29:25.080 --> 0:29:31.480 So one of the things that happened was I didn't 0:29:31.480 --> 0:29:33.760 know I was pregnant with you, But I also didn't 0:29:33.840 --> 0:29:36.200 I didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. 0:29:36.920 --> 0:29:37.320 Mm hmm. 0:29:39.440 --> 0:29:46.240 And then he was here. He's from Mexico, so he's 0:29:46.320 --> 0:29:54.400 Mexican and then he went back to Mexico. Why I 0:29:54.520 --> 0:30:00.200 was at the that's the w U because that's where 0:30:00.200 --> 0:30:06.120 he was from. So he is no longer here. So 0:30:06.200 --> 0:30:07.880 now you know something else, right, So you know that 0:30:08.200 --> 0:30:12.720 you're half Mexican half half Mexican half half. 0:30:16.600 --> 0:30:17.200 So now you know. 0:30:17.920 --> 0:30:18.440 Now I know. 0:30:19.760 --> 0:30:22.960 And now even if you don't know how to ask, 0:30:23.200 --> 0:30:25.280 do you feel like you can come talk to me 0:30:25.320 --> 0:30:26.000 about anything? 0:30:26.560 --> 0:30:27.840 Because you totally can. 0:30:30.720 --> 0:30:31.120 Thank you. 0:30:36.320 --> 0:30:37.360 What else do you want to know? 0:30:37.720 --> 0:30:39.320 I don't know what else I want to know. 0:30:39.360 --> 0:30:42.640 Okay, but if you think about it, will you tell me? 0:30:43.320 --> 0:30:43.800 Yeah? 0:30:43.960 --> 0:30:48.560 Okay, okay. So that's all we want to know. 0:30:50.080 --> 0:30:53.760 That's all I want to know for now, for now. 0:30:54.200 --> 0:31:03.440 Dun dun dum. 0:31:03.640 --> 0:31:06.160 Rachel keeps checking in over the next couple months to 0:31:06.200 --> 0:31:09.200 see if there's anything Lena wants to ask, and while 0:31:09.240 --> 0:31:12.400 there never is, Rachel's getting into the habit of taking 0:31:12.480 --> 0:31:16.760 the temperature. It's not until a few months later, when 0:31:16.840 --> 0:31:19.880 Rachel and Lena are snuggling in bed. Then Lena looks 0:31:19.920 --> 0:31:24.040 up at her mother and asks mom how tall was Oscar. 0:31:25.200 --> 0:31:28.800 When Rachel hears the name spoken so casually by Lena, 0:31:29.080 --> 0:31:31.680 it still gives her a slight twinge in her chest. 0:31:32.360 --> 0:31:35.640 But Oscar's no longer a ghost. He's her daughter's dad, 0:31:36.560 --> 0:31:39.360 and when Lena has a question about him, Lena's no 0:31:39.400 --> 0:31:43.840 longer afraid to ask. Oscar was a little shorter than 0:31:43.880 --> 0:32:54.640 your granddad, Rachel tells her. Okay, Lina says. 0:32:29.040 --> 0:32:34.000 Now that the fern entures returning. 0:32:33.040 --> 0:32:40.720 To its goodwill home, now that the last month's rent 0:32:41.040 --> 0:32:46.640 is skiming with the damage deposit, take this moment to dissolve, 0:32:49.200 --> 0:32:54.520 if we mentage, if we tried to remember felt rent 0:32:54.720 --> 0:33:10.640 for far too from things An Accidentally Heavyweight. 0:33:05.440 --> 0:33:07.960 Is hosted and produced by me Jonathan Goldstein, along with 0:33:08.040 --> 0:33:11.200 Khalila Holt, Peter Bresnan, and Stevie Lane. The show is 0:33:11.320 --> 0:33:14.520 edited by Jorge Just, with additional editing by Alex Bloomberg. 0:33:14.920 --> 0:33:18.960 Special thanks to Emily Condon, Caitlin Bagooki, Andrew Goldberg, Rachel Ward, 0:33:19.240 --> 0:33:22.440 and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with music 0:33:22.480 --> 0:33:25.480 by Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson, Blue Dot Sessions, and 0:33:25.600 --> 0:33:28.360 Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our 0:33:28.360 --> 0:33:32.640 website Gimbletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song is 0:33:32.640 --> 0:33:35.240 by the Weaker thands courtesy of Epitaph Records and our 0:33:35.280 --> 0:33:38.160 ad music is by Hailey Shaw. Follow us on Twitter 0:33:38.200 --> 0:33:41.920 at Heavyweight or email us at Heavyweight at gimletmedia dot com. 0:33:42.120 --> 0:33:45.640 We'll be back with new episodes after American Thanksgiving, Happy 0:33:45.680 --> 0:33:53.280 toy Ky Day, and now here's a special holiday song 0:33:53.320 --> 0:33:55.800 that Bobby Lord composed for you to sing with your 0:33:55.840 --> 0:33:57.280 family while celebrating. 0:33:57.920 --> 0:33:58.560 Take it away. 0:33:58.680 --> 0:34:03.160 Bob Alex might want me to edit out that ass. 0:34:03.480 --> 0:34:04.680 Should I try, but. 0:34:04.720 --> 0:34:09.320 No doubt bad ass flex edit out that ass bogging 0:34:09.440 --> 0:34:10.000 out your. 0:34:09.920 --> 0:34:15.759 Butt, edit out, edit out bad ass, edit out that 0:34:16.040 --> 0:34:20.600 ass boging with that ass both bogeing, Edit out that ass. 0:34:20.880 --> 0:34:22.240 Full sized horses