#14 Isabel

Hi, sweet, How are you okay? 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:06.880 So? 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:09.760 I was just thinking about all that you do. You're 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:14.520 a mother, a professional, m D, a friend, and for 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:18.400 all of that, I just wanted to say to you, bravo. 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:22.880 You know what that's doing to me? Right, I'm just 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:26.720 trying to say bravo. Do you remember who once said 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:28.240 bravo to you and you didn't like it? 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:30.520 Yeah, some girl at a party. 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:33.479 It really upset you. You don't like to be bravo. 0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:36.640 I don't like attention, but don't you feel you're a 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:37.879 person who deserves attention? 0:00:38.320 --> 0:00:39.720 It just makes me tense. 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:42.800 Well, I'd like to shine a spotlight onto you. 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.640 But if I don't like attention, why do you then 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:48.240 say a spotlight? 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:53.240 A spotlight doesn't A red hot spotlight does not necessarily 0:00:53.400 --> 0:01:03.240 mean attention. It's just a spotlight from Gimblet Media. I'm 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:24.000 Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight. Today's episode Isabelle. In 0:01:24.080 --> 0:01:28.360 nineteen ninety nine, an old fashioned rectangular suitcase was found 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:31.080 on a Brooklyn street corner by a man named Ed. 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:35.400 For fifteen years, Ed kept the suitcase stowed away in 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:38.560 a storage locker in his basement when he accepted a 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:42.320 job overseas he carried it over to his neighbor, a 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:46.480 woman named Kendra. Kendra pushed the suitcase under an armchair, 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:50.600 and that's where it's been sitting ever since, collecting dust 0:01:51.400 --> 0:02:04.000 until today. Kendra lives in a small apartment building on 0:02:04.080 --> 0:02:10.680 a residential street, shoes off either way. She takes me 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:13.120 into her living room and pulls the suitcase out from 0:02:13.200 --> 0:02:16.799 under an armchair. It's battered and old, like something you'd 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:19.320 see in a black and white documentary, clutched in the 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:22.040 hand of a door to door salesman drifting from town 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:22.800 to town. 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:27.240 Scott like sneeps. 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:32.240 She opens up the suitcase and there they are the letters, 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:36.760 hundreds of them, charting from beginning to end, the relationship 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:39.560 between a young man named Brad and a young woman 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:45.760 named Isabelle. This is a lot the letters were written 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:48.959 over the five years they dated. The relationship was almost 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:53.960 entirely long distance. Isabelle was from Venezuela and Brad was 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:54.960 from North Carolina. 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:58.680 He I know went to art school, because a number 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:00.440 of letters are addressed to him there. 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:01.240 Uh huh. 0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:04.120 She I don't know where she went to school, but 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:06.560 she clearly is also an artist. I mean, look at this, 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:07.679 like wow. 0:03:07.880 --> 0:03:11.600 Kendra pulls out three photos attached by spiderwebs of white thread. 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:16.720 Each photo shows Isabelle, tussled hair and heavy eyeliner, folding 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:20.600 an old brownie camera. During those ignorant days, the only 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:24.680 way to create a selfie or self portrait, as historians 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:26.840 tell us they were called, was to pose with a 0:03:26.880 --> 0:03:30.400 camera in front of a mirror, like an animal. 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:32.760 They're really really cute. 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:36.400 In another photo, Isabelle and Brad sit on the beach 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:39.600 in sunglasses and formal wear. The photo looks like a 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:42.440 still from a black and white film by John Luke Dard. 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:46.800 They're in their teens early twenties. They are young and beautiful. 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:49.280 This is a menu. 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:54.080 Among the letters and photos are dozens of keepsakes, ticket stubs, 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:55.960 and coins from foreign countries. 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:57.920 Well this one has a leaf in it. 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:01.160 Oh well look at that. Open that up. Each letter 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:04.520 is a mini handmade art project. Even the envelopes are 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:09.440 carefully decorated. On one, just under Brad's name, Isabell's drawn 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:13.480 a row of fish swimming by. The letters were written 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:16.839 by Isabelle and sent to Brad, who filed away each 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:21.000 one in his suitcase. The story of their relationship told 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.320 through Isabelle's letters is like a diary where half the 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:28.640 pages are missing. Kendra pulls out a letter at random. 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:33.920 This is from Christmas Eve nineteen ninety and she says, Brad, 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:36.760 today I got the best Christmas present ever. I'm talking 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:40.080 about your letter and picture. Thank you so much for 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:42.400 telling me your true feelings. Ooh, this is like a 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:45.440 really personal one. You should not be afraid that I 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:47.039 won't be there for you when you might need me. 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:50.320 I want to be there. You are my boyfriend and friend. Also, 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:53.080 to me, you're more important than any other friend I have. 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:56.000 I guess that with time, our trust toward each other 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:59.000 will grow, just as each day I feel I know 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:01.880 you a little bit more. Believe me. I'm also scared 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:04.680 of getting hurt. I figured that if I'm scared that 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:06.560 you might hurt me, and you're scared that I might 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:09.240 hurt you, then it must mean that we both know 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:13.159 we don't want to hurt the other person. No, the 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:14.760 last thing I would want to do is to hurt 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:20.000 you or even see you hurt. It's so romantic, it's 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:20.480 just so. 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:24.360 It's so vulnerable. 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:28.359 They both were so afraid of getting hurt, and I 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:30.440 mean that's how people always go into relationships, you know, 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:34.000 and then probably at least one of them did get 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:37.000 hurt in the end. 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:44.400 Kendra happens to be going into a relationship right now. 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:47.680 She's about to move in with her boyfriend. This is 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:51.320 why she's called me here today. Starting a new relationship 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:56.000 with a suitcase containing a dead relationship feels inauspicious, so 0:05:56.040 --> 0:05:58.920 she can't keep it, but at the same time, she 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:02.280 doesn't want to throw the lets away. So you've gone 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:04.000 through all of these Yeah. 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:07.760 I don't read Spanish, and a lot is in Spanish, 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:09.279 so I haven't read the ones in Spanish. 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:14.760 But it sounds like you've you've created like little stories 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:17.799 about what it what, what their relationship could it possibly 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:18.160 have been? 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:20.080 I mean it's kind of irresistible. 0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:24.039 Yeah, to do that, and what what's your take? Like, 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:26.839 you think that it ended up on the sidewalk and 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.400 found by your friend because it was disposed of. 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:35.200 I think it was disposed of. Yeah, my gut is 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:40.960 that he got rid of it, possibly because he was 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:45.400 in another relationship and New York apartments don't have room 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:47.359 for a lot of I don't want to say secrets. 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:49.960 I don't think this was a secret, but a lot 0:06:50.000 --> 0:07:00.280 of past stuff. We should find her and we should 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:04.599 get it to her, because it's an amazing time capsule 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.239 of who she was at this time, and it would 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:10.880 like reopen this part of herself that she maybe forgot about. 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:14.160 I mean, imagine if somebody contacted you out of the 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:16.000 blue and they were like, hey, guess what, I have 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:19.600 a bunch of art and photos and stuff that you 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:23.360 made and that was about you from the time that 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:26.040 you were I don't know whatever, like sixteen to twenty 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:30.160 two or whatever it is. I mean, wouldn't you want 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:30.640 that back? 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:36.560 Of course I would, especially if it were something so irreplaceable. 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:40.120 None of us will probably ever again have a collection 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:43.960 of one hundred handwritten letters mailed to us with photographs 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:47.640 developed by an enlarger in a dark room. One day, 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:51.880 when drones capture our every moment, when each of our pensis, 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:56.320 written or perhaps unwritten, is housed in an ever expanding cloud, 0:07:56.840 --> 0:07:59.920 there may not be a need for such suitcases at all. 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:03.200 All right, So I'm gonna I'm gonna take this off 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:07.239 your hands, and I'm gonna do you sound sad? 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:10.760 I am sad now that it's like, really the moment 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:11.920 to say goodbye. 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:13.960 Take good care of it. 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:19.520 Thanks for going. 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:23.480 We say our goodbyes, and Kendra walks me, suitcase in hand, 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:28.040 to the front door of her apartment. This one up here, 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:30.320 my marching orders had been handed to me. 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:32.640 Oh no, it's just the top one. 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:34.880 I was determined to find Isabelle. 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:37.320 I think you lots the. 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:40.120 Bottom, and I would work tirelessly until I did. 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:42.680 Can you want me to No? 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:48.200 I got it. Actually, although New York apartments might not 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:51.439 have a lot of room for past stuff, they certainly 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.640 make up for it with an abundance of locks. Yeah, actually, 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:59.240 maybe you should. Okay, sorry, but as soon as I 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:02.520 could get out, I'd set off in search of Isabelle. 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:05.400 That's yeah, you should probably figure that out. It's probably 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:10.160 like a fire hazard if you. Oh, okay, okay, great 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:18.319 after the break life outside this facacta apartment. 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:37.839 Okay, take care, bye, bye bye. You'll say get guero 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:43.920 so s tode lo case las muchachas. No, this isn't 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:48.840 Latin lover Antonio banderis, but Latin lover because he loves Latin. 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:53.600 Jonathan Goldstein. Since most of the letters between Brad and 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:56.800 Isabel are in Spanish and my own Spanish is like that, 0:09:56.920 --> 0:10:00.400 of a nineteen fifties Canadian housewife wandering ta one in 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:04.920 a novelty sized sombrero. I need a translator, someone to 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:08.319 help me understand the letters and get them back to Isabelle. 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:15.440 And so I enlisted Gimblet Media editor, or hey, just 0:10:16.679 --> 0:10:22.280 are you ready for this? Jorge and I are always 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:25.640 getting up to what CEO and Gimblet Media founder Alex 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:30.800 Bloomberg calls shenanigans, doing stuff like Jorge hiding my chair 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:34.040 each morning, or Jorge stealing my laptop while I'm in 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:37.240 the bathroom and liking a whole bunch of nickelback fan pages. 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:43.400 Alex discourages quote fraternizing on company time unless there's a 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:48.280 valid business reason. Well, Alex does returning a suitcase full 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:50.920 of personal history to its rightful owners strike you as 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:54.720 a valid business reason. Only God can judge me, Alex, 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:58.040 so stand back and let my father do his job 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:01.839 and let Jorge and me do hours. 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:07.400 Gordeau are is Gordou means something in Spanish. 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:09.840 Means fat fat. But it might be a nickname like 0:11:09.880 --> 0:11:10.480 a you know. 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:11.520 Like my little fat one. 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:13.760 Yeah, but it's it's a term of endearment. 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:22.360 Jorge and I spend the afternoon, snacking on honeydew slices 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:26.520 and sifting through honeydew juice soap letters. We try to 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:29.640 construct a timeline that will lead us from the relationships 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:32.480 beginning to the discarded suitcase on the street. 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.120 So this is September twenty ninth, nineteen ninety three, third 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:38.480 of March nineteen ninety two, eighteenth, nineteen ninety four, August ninth, 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:39.480 nineteen ninety three. 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:43.440 The correspondence begins in December of nineteen ninety when Brad 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:47.240 and Isabelle first met on Christmas vacation in Florida. In 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:51.320 these early letters, Isabelle offers up little Spanish lessons, teaching 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:53.480 Brad basic vocabulary and grammar. 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:56.360 I'm going to show you the future tents to caminas 0:11:56.640 --> 0:11:58.800 do usmana you walk, You're going to walk. 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:01.920 It perhaps speaks through the intensity of his feelings. But 0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:04.920 before very long at all, Brad's language is good enough 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:06.719 for her to switch over to Spanish. 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:13.400 Completely olaos mar Cambo, Skvoa and de lunez. 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:16.600 Isabelle travels a lot, so her letters come from all over. 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:21.199 Each one is composed of precise capital letters and arrives 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:25.520 in an envelope that Brad meticulously slits, always along the width, 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:29.160 careful not to tear the drawings. A lot of the 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:32.600 letters are mundane stuff you'd share across a dinner table 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:34.320 or through rapid texts. 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:39.360 Stucks. My ears started to hurt and I went back 0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:42.040 to the apartment. I don't like it when my ears hurt. 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:46.160 But for Isabelle and Brad, this kind of chit chat 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.880 was a slow process. Between each message was a weight 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:53.160 that lasted days. Brad would wait to hear if Isabel's 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.480 family had begun to soften to the idea of her 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:58.520 attending art school, and Isabelle would wait to hear if 0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:00.960 Brad had saved up enough money to fix the brakes 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:03.760 on his car, whether he finally bought that photo and 0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:05.079 larger he had his eye on. 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:07.800 I'm really happy that you bought the enlarger. I know 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:11.040 that that's a great thing and that you really wanted it. Truly, 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:12.400 it makes me really happy. 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:15.520 Brad would wait to hear about what Isabelle's plans were 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:15.720 for the. 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:20.600 Night velcro jumping. Tonight, we're going out to a disco 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:24.079 where there'll be velcro jumping. This really is truly nineteen 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:24.760 ninety two. 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:26.920 He'd wait to hear about her trip to Boston. 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:30.520 I'm really happy. I really really like Boston, and I 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:32.640 think that you'd like it too. When I went to 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:35.160 the Art Museum, I wanted to have you with me. 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:39.080 We'd be enjoying each other so much. Well, someday we 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:39.719 will right. 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.760 The letter is stamped March of nineteen ninety two. If 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:46.959 Brad had been at the museum, the two young photographers 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:50.840 might have seen the work of another young photographer, Ansel Adams, 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:54.480 whose early photographs were on exhibit at the time. Many 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:57.160 of his early photos weren't of the barren landscapes that 0:13:57.280 --> 0:14:02.640 made him famous, but if people smoking, talking, dancing. The 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:05.560 photos in the suitcase are also portraits that Brad and 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:07.560 isabel took of themselves and each other. 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:15.560 Oh wow, they're so young, yeah, Brad and Isabelle at 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:18.679 a wedding, Brad and isabel at a hike, sitting by 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:20.720 a lake, holding onto each other. 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:24.200 In every single one, they're looking at the camera and not. 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:26.720 Smiling because they're cool art students. 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:28.680 That is definitely seemed that way. 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:36.440 And when they weren't together, they were making plans, always 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:38.640 looking forward to the things they do when they next 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:42.160 meet like watching the tenth anniversary of the David Letterman Show. 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:46.440 Yeah, gorddo, when you fix your VCR, we can rent 0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:47.400 it and watch it together. 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:51.040 O Gordeau had a broken VCR. 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:52.120 That's so nice though. 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:56.160 Yeah, Isabelle says that you'd already watched the episode, but 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.040 wanted to watch it with Brad. Watch Brad as he 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:02.600 watched Letterman rowe watermelons off a roof and herd sheep 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:07.120 into a cab headed to LaGuardia Airport. And then there 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:10.800 are the love letters, and the love that Isabelle expresses 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:13.160 has the feeling of a kid in love for the 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:14.040 very first time. 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:17.760 And when I thought that I couldn't love you anymore, 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:21.840 every day I love you more. I'm so happy to 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:25.720 know that we're together. Sometimes I wish I could just 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:28.880 put time on pause so that everything could get fixed, 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:31.840 and when I was ready to breastplay, we could just 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:34.600 continue happy and together. 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:39.480 Throughout these letters that span five birthdays. That looks like 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:43.000 a birthday one. This is a birthday one for five Christmases, 0:15:43.440 --> 0:15:44.760 five summers and winters. 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:47.600 It started to snow last night and it's still going that. 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:51.680 Span years and countries. There's always this vague hope that 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:55.960 one day they'd be together, really together, in the same city, 0:15:56.240 --> 0:16:06.240 the same home, for good. But in the end Isabelle 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:10.080 remained in Venezuela, except Venezuela no longer felt like home. 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.760 She was aimless, knowing she should get a job, but 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:15.280 not knowing what she wanted to do. 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:18.560 March fourteenth, nineteen ninety four, and it's a fax. 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:21.680 She ended up taking a job at her brother's office, 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:23.360 which had a fax machine. 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:29.360 No se parami vida. I feel totally lost. I have 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:32.200 no idea what I want for myself or for my life. 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:35.880 As unsure as she was, there remained one thing she 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:39.680 always seemed sure of her and Brad, because at no 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:42.560 point is there ever any sense that a suitcase full 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:45.880 of her letters would one day end up abandoned. Orge 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:46.840 felt the same way. 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:50.000 The more I read, the more surprised I am that 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:54.560 these letters aren't you know, somewhere with Brad, that they're 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:56.760 not in the basement that they owned together. 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:01.160 We searched the suitcase looking for the last letter ever written. 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:06.720 The postmarks and addresses are many and keep changing. Florida, Savannah, Boston, 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:10.240 and finally Venezuela. That's the very last letter. The last 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:13.080 letter was sent by Isabelle in March of nineteen ninety five, 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:16.000 almost five years after they first met. 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:21.960 She says, Lodluya, No York, Mikhayokomo, shock se Emperor prefeti Boston, 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:24.040 Solo pros solo. 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:27.000 The address it's mail to is in New York. It 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:30.000 seems brad it just moved there to start grad school 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:30.800 in photography. 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:33.320 She's saying, she's really sad. She was shocked that he 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:38.680 decided to move to New York, oh really, and that 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:41.240 that she knew that he had been thinking about moving, 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:43.919 but that she never thought that he would move to 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:47.800 New York. And then she says that she talked to 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:51.120 her mom, and her mom helped her, helped her think 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:54.280 through it and understand that it was a good decision 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:56.320 for his career and that that's why he was doing it. 0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:00.920 And that's why she says, it's true. You know, it's 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:04.960 the center of photography. And she says, God, you're very 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.919 good at photography. I'm sure you. When you get your 0:18:07.960 --> 0:18:11.840 portfolio together, you'll find everything that you want. One thing 0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:14.480 that I noticed is that there everybody in New York 0:18:14.520 --> 0:18:19.800 has an air of confidence, of believing that they're the best. 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:23.600 And if I saw that, then you don't have to worry, 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:26.920 because you too are good. You're better than all of them. 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:30.679 I'm sure that it will go well for you. You 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:32.400 told me that you're not going to have a telephone 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:34.600 in New York. You know, I want to hear from you. 0:18:35.440 --> 0:18:37.399 I need to know how you're doing. I miss you 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:42.159 when you move. I'd love to have your address. Please 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:44.639 call me and tell me what it is. I promise 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:47.040 you that we'll we'll talk only you know, as little 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:50.479 as possible, only what's necessary. I imagine the last thing 0:18:50.520 --> 0:18:53.080 you need are big fat telephone bills. 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:59.720 Sounds like he chose his photography over their relationship. 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:01.840 Yeah, for sure. 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:05.119 And this is the last letter because he never maybe 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:07.200 he never sent her his address. 0:19:09.840 --> 0:19:12.760 And the way that she signs it off is you 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:15.479 sa ps, try to write when you have time. 0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:21.639 Oh am, I just getting like really sentimental or is 0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:22.320 this like sad? 0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:28.600 It's sad. Yeah. 0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:32.600 Kendra's friend found the suitcase in nineteen ninety nine, which 0:19:32.640 --> 0:19:36.120 means after that last letter, Brad continued to hold onto 0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:39.440 the suitcase in his small New York apartment for four 0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:50.359 more years. Isabelle had a very common name and no 0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:53.480 presence on the Internet. So I began looking for Brad. 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:56.840 Since all the letters were from Isabelle's pen, I'd only 0:19:56.840 --> 0:19:59.320 gotten to know him through her as a young man 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:01.280 with a letter of and are in a broken VCR 0:20:01.720 --> 0:20:05.040 determined to become a photographer, someone who could hardly afford 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:07.600 breaks for his car, but was still going all in 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:10.840 on a new photo and larger and it looked like 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:14.880 his determination paid off. Brad is now an architectural photographer, 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:18.840 still living in New York. His photographs are no longer portraits, 0:20:19.080 --> 0:20:23.760 but sparse empty interiors, a school without children, a hotel 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:27.159 without guests. I dialed the number on his website and 0:20:27.280 --> 0:20:29.639 explained that a suitcase was found on a Brooklyn street 0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:32.800 corner and passed on to a woman named Kendra, who 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:36.120 passed it on to me. Anyway, long story short, it's 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:42.639 a suitcase that has all of these letters. Does that 0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:47.320 ring any bells? 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:48.560 Yes? 0:20:53.880 --> 0:20:59.040 What happened? Like? How did this suitcase end up where 0:20:59.080 --> 0:21:02.919 it was found on the street? 0:21:03.160 --> 0:21:04.040 I let it go? 0:21:05.840 --> 0:21:07.800 You mean you you you you? You threw it out? 0:21:09.000 --> 0:21:09.320 Yes? 0:21:11.560 --> 0:21:16.480 That that makes me surprised because the letters from Isabelle 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:24.760 sound and feel really very affectionate. You know, well, there 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:25.520 there was love. 0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:33.080 Something happened. I don't know what. I asked her to 0:21:33.080 --> 0:21:39.439 marry me, gave her a ring. She wasn't living in 0:21:39.480 --> 0:21:42.280 the country. I wanted her to come move to New York. 0:21:43.560 --> 0:21:55.960 Uh huh, and she broke it off. Within a year 0:21:56.560 --> 0:22:01.080 of her breaking up with me, she got married. So 0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:08.119 there's not much to do after that. It's done. 0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:16.959 I guess the impression that I had was that maybe 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:20.240 you had broken up with her. 0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:22.320 No, certainly not. 0:22:24.480 --> 0:22:27.119 What was she trying to preserve some kind of friendship 0:22:27.240 --> 0:22:29.440 or something or remain in touch. 0:22:30.720 --> 0:22:36.000 That would be likely. Yeah, yeah, And I what's what's 0:22:36.040 --> 0:22:43.040 the point of that? Once you've gone to that place 0:22:43.119 --> 0:22:48.280 with someone, you can't you can't take it back a notch. 0:22:48.480 --> 0:22:54.720 I mean, it's it's all or nothing. And she chose nothing. 0:22:57.000 --> 0:22:59.520 She chose nothing, she chose. 0:22:59.359 --> 0:23:04.399 Not married to me. That's that's how that seems to me. 0:23:10.760 --> 0:23:13.440 There's nothing that I would do differently at this point. 0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:20.439 It's this is I have a different life now. You know, 0:23:20.560 --> 0:23:26.320 I have an incredible wife who has worked with me 0:23:27.359 --> 0:23:30.200 and and we have I just feel like we've been 0:23:30.200 --> 0:23:38.120 through so much and you know, it's it's a. It's 0:23:38.160 --> 0:23:41.760 not the the path that I initially thought that I 0:23:41.760 --> 0:23:48.200 would be on. I was convinced that that that it 0:23:48.200 --> 0:23:56.119 would have been with Isabelle. But but at this point, 0:23:56.160 --> 0:23:59.560 I am happy to be here, happy to be where 0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:00.880 I am. 0:24:00.960 --> 0:24:05.200 Yeah, where are you? 0:24:05.560 --> 0:24:07.320 Where are you? Are you in a car right now? 0:24:08.040 --> 0:24:09.960 Yeah? I am? 0:24:10.320 --> 0:24:11.200 Are you heading home? 0:24:13.119 --> 0:24:13.199 Now? 0:24:13.280 --> 0:24:15.080 I'm going to pick up my daughter from school? 0:24:23.160 --> 0:24:30.000 Well, you know, I mean, it seemed like Isabelle. It 0:24:30.040 --> 0:24:32.159 seems like maybe the right thing to do would be 0:24:32.240 --> 0:24:36.240 to get them back to her. Do you know where 0:24:36.400 --> 0:24:36.960 she lives? 0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:39.840 She lives in Italy. 0:24:51.720 --> 0:24:55.280 Knowing that Isabelle's in Italy helped. After some searching around, 0:24:55.440 --> 0:24:58.200 I found her on Facebook. In her black and white 0:24:58.200 --> 0:25:02.000 profile picture, she's hold an old fashioned camera to her face, 0:25:02.600 --> 0:25:05.399 a self portrait in front of a mirror, just like 0:25:05.400 --> 0:25:08.240 the kind she'd take when she was a teenager. In 0:25:08.320 --> 0:25:10.840 the photo, the eye that is not looking into the 0:25:10.880 --> 0:25:14.440 viewfinder is opened wide. We'd assume that both eyes are 0:25:14.480 --> 0:25:18.600 opened wide. I send Isabelle a message telling her who 0:25:18.600 --> 0:25:21.200 I am, what I found, and how I want to 0:25:21.240 --> 0:25:25.800 give it back to her, and then I wait. The 0:25:25.840 --> 0:25:28.520 first day of my weight is spent imagining all the 0:25:28.520 --> 0:25:30.480 praise and gratitude that awaits me. 0:25:31.440 --> 0:25:36.239 Thank God for men like you. I never imagined there 0:25:36.280 --> 0:25:40.960 were gentlemen as generous as you. If you hand deliver 0:25:41.040 --> 0:25:44.320 the suitcase, I'll read you each letter after a picnic 0:25:44.400 --> 0:25:49.680 lunch of Italian delicacies and my father's vin grass You've 0:25:49.720 --> 0:25:54.960 not truly ever tasted salami, Goldstein grassias until you've eaten 0:25:55.000 --> 0:25:57.000 it under a Tuscan sun. 0:26:02.720 --> 0:26:06.000 The second day is spent indulging more of these lunatical 0:26:06.080 --> 0:26:10.000 imaginings and binge watching Mash in triumph. But by the 0:26:10.080 --> 0:26:13.560 third day, still not having heard back from Isabelle, I 0:26:13.680 --> 0:26:16.560 take to my bed for more Mash, though now binge 0:26:16.640 --> 0:26:20.080 watched in defeat. Why wasn't she getting back to me? 0:26:22.200 --> 0:26:25.639 And then, after a week and a half, I receive 0:26:25.760 --> 0:26:30.920 a message, Hello, Jonathan, Isabelle writes, the letters are a 0:26:31.000 --> 0:26:34.240 part of my history, and in history they stay. I 0:26:34.320 --> 0:26:37.160 do not want to explain anything, neither do I want 0:26:37.200 --> 0:26:41.760 the letters. Hope you understand. Life goes on. I have 0:26:41.880 --> 0:26:48.240 a life, wishing you all the best, Isabelle. Isabelle also 0:26:48.320 --> 0:26:50.440 tells me how she now has a family of her own. 0:26:51.400 --> 0:26:54.959 She has a life. Brad has a life, Kendra has 0:26:55.000 --> 0:26:58.919 a new life with a new relationship. Evidently, everyone has 0:26:59.000 --> 0:27:01.520 a life except for one person who stuck with an 0:27:01.520 --> 0:27:04.360 old suit case full of letters written in a language 0:27:04.400 --> 0:27:08.960 he doesn't even understand Hoblando, of which how fluent was 0:27:09.040 --> 0:27:12.879 Isabel's English? Anyway? Was something getting lost in the translation? 0:27:13.920 --> 0:27:16.439 I write her back, explaining that I don't want anything 0:27:16.520 --> 0:27:19.040 from her. I don't even need to understand what happened 0:27:19.040 --> 0:27:22.159 between her and Brad. That really all I want is 0:27:22.240 --> 0:27:26.080 to give her back her letters. The next day, Isabel 0:27:26.160 --> 0:27:30.800 writes back Jonathan. She writes, I appreciate all the trouble 0:27:30.840 --> 0:27:33.119 you've gone through to get a hold of me. I 0:27:33.200 --> 0:27:37.239 have beautiful memories, but people grow and change. I am 0:27:37.280 --> 0:27:42.640 no longer the person who wrote those letters, Isabel. While 0:27:42.680 --> 0:27:46.679 all the peripheral characters, the Kendras, the Jorgees, the Jonathans, 0:27:47.119 --> 0:27:50.159 feel so invested in these letters that neither belong to 0:27:50.440 --> 0:27:54.399 nor concern them, both Isabel and Brad are not. They 0:27:54.440 --> 0:27:56.639 have a similar way of being in the world, and 0:27:56.760 --> 0:27:58.600 you can understand how they might have been drawn to 0:27:58.680 --> 0:28:02.520 one another. They both seem to get it, get something, 0:28:03.200 --> 0:28:06.240 something that, for the life of me, I don't understand 0:28:06.320 --> 0:28:12.680 at all, Isabelle, I write. For me, the most interesting 0:28:12.800 --> 0:28:15.399 thing about revisiting the past and the person I was 0:28:16.000 --> 0:28:18.320 isn't even finding out the ways in which I've changed, 0:28:18.640 --> 0:28:20.840 but rather finding the ways in which I'm still the 0:28:20.920 --> 0:28:24.800 same person. Discovering that common thread, that thing that holds 0:28:24.840 --> 0:28:28.360 our lives together, gives our lives continuity and meaning. Maybe 0:28:28.400 --> 0:28:32.280 I'm talking about a person's soul. I'd come to know 0:28:32.440 --> 0:28:35.200 Isabelle through her letters, and it feels fitting that I'm 0:28:35.240 --> 0:28:37.920 still getting to know her through her letters. And in 0:28:38.000 --> 0:28:41.200 spite of all the technological advances of the intervening years, 0:28:41.920 --> 0:28:57.080 I'm still left sitting around waiting. Isabelle writes back, I 0:28:57.200 --> 0:28:59.640 take from the past the lesson it offers me and 0:28:59.720 --> 0:29:03.080 move on. That's the only thing that matters. That we 0:29:03.280 --> 0:29:07.400 learn something from every situation lived, good or bad. So 0:29:07.520 --> 0:29:10.800 to me, she writes, life is one lesson after another, 0:29:11.160 --> 0:29:14.920 which makes our soul grow and change. I personally do 0:29:15.080 --> 0:29:18.280 not have one letter from anyone in my past, and 0:29:18.360 --> 0:29:20.960 that doesn't mean I had a bad past. It means 0:29:21.000 --> 0:29:25.960 that I've learned and moved on. I stop reading not 0:29:26.200 --> 0:29:29.160 one letter from her past. I'm the kind of person 0:29:29.200 --> 0:29:31.800 who saves post it notes stuck to his computer screen 0:29:31.880 --> 0:29:35.280 by colleagues in the nineties, someone who never once erased 0:29:35.320 --> 0:29:39.120 the contact from his phone. Since you are antithetical to 0:29:39.240 --> 0:29:42.520 my way of being, Isabelle writes, I also leave you 0:29:42.680 --> 0:29:46.080 the challenge of discarding that bunch of letters. I am 0:29:46.200 --> 0:29:50.320 counting on you to do that. Who knows, maybe doing 0:29:50.400 --> 0:29:53.040 it will help you in some aspects of your own life. 0:29:54.000 --> 0:29:57.200 Just remember, the future is built as we move forward. 0:29:58.160 --> 0:30:03.640 Take care, Jonathan, and as always, the best to you, Isabelle. 0:30:12.080 --> 0:30:15.640 After his death in nineteen twenty four, Franz Kafka left 0:30:15.680 --> 0:30:19.440 behind a will instructing his friend Max Brod to burn 0:30:19.560 --> 0:30:23.560 all of his remaining writings, the unfinished novels, the journals, 0:30:23.840 --> 0:30:27.960 the letters. In nineteen thirty nine, just before the Nazis 0:30:28.040 --> 0:30:32.600 invaded Prague, broad clutching a suitcase containing all the papers 0:30:32.640 --> 0:30:36.360 that could fit, boarded a train and set out for Palestine, 0:30:37.160 --> 0:30:39.880 and with that some of the most important writing in 0:30:39.920 --> 0:30:44.000 the twentieth century was saved. Max Brod's reasoning was that 0:30:44.080 --> 0:30:47.560 if Kafka had really wanted his stuff destroyed, he never 0:30:47.600 --> 0:30:50.160 would have asked Brod to do it. He had to 0:30:50.240 --> 0:30:52.600 have known that Brod was the last person who destroy 0:30:52.760 --> 0:30:57.800 work that he loved so much. Isabelle is not Kafka, 0:30:58.280 --> 0:31:02.600 and I, though I do admire is self justifying prevaricating style, 0:31:03.120 --> 0:31:07.200 am not max Broad. Yet after that final exchange, I 0:31:07.320 --> 0:31:11.280 unscrew a bottle of bourbon, turn on mash and struggle 0:31:11.400 --> 0:31:16.240 over Isabel's challenge. It felt like a paradox. On one hand, 0:31:16.680 --> 0:31:19.600 these letters don't mean anything to me, but on the 0:31:19.640 --> 0:31:24.400 other hand, discarding them just feels wrong. Throughout your life, 0:31:24.840 --> 0:31:27.560 if it's a good long life, you let go, and 0:31:27.680 --> 0:31:31.760 you let go of your ambitions, your hair, the people 0:31:31.880 --> 0:31:36.040 you love most, and then one day, after a lifetime 0:31:36.080 --> 0:31:39.600 of saying goodbye to the most important things, you suddenly 0:31:39.680 --> 0:31:42.920 find yourself unable to unclutch your hand from the handle 0:31:42.960 --> 0:31:46.760 of a suitcase that isn't even yours. And for close 0:31:46.800 --> 0:31:49.200 to thirty years, it seems no one who carried this 0:31:49.280 --> 0:31:54.360 suitcase could easily let go, not ed, not Kendra, even Brad, 0:31:54.840 --> 0:31:58.600 the most motivated, could only pack the suitcase, exit the 0:31:58.680 --> 0:32:01.400 front door, and make it only so far as the curb. 0:32:02.440 --> 0:32:05.760 And why why can't any of us destroy the letters? 0:32:06.600 --> 0:32:09.280 Is it because we believe in stories about love, the 0:32:09.400 --> 0:32:13.760 beauty of youth, the idea that somehow, contained within this 0:32:13.880 --> 0:32:18.280 little suitcase, a relationship still exists, one that's a stand 0:32:18.320 --> 0:32:21.560 in for a relationship that we've all had and lost. 0:32:22.600 --> 0:32:25.360 I've been looking forward to giving Isabelle back these memories, 0:32:25.960 --> 0:32:30.480 but Isabelle doesn't want my unsolicited gift. Instead, she's offering 0:32:30.520 --> 0:32:34.120 a gift to me, permission to do the thing I 0:32:34.240 --> 0:32:37.400 normally cannot do, to simply let go of the past. 0:32:38.800 --> 0:32:41.280 Being unable to let go of the past feel small 0:32:41.360 --> 0:32:44.400 somehow and marks you as petty, the kind of person 0:32:44.440 --> 0:32:48.360 who holds onto grudges and painful memories. But in that 0:32:48.480 --> 0:32:52.160 net of memory, beautiful things get trapped too, moments and 0:32:52.240 --> 0:32:55.000 emotions that once moved you, or a version of you, 0:32:55.720 --> 0:33:00.360 a first love, a great meal, or that one fall 0:33:00.480 --> 0:33:04.080 evening when you pick up an innocuous looking suitcase that 0:33:04.200 --> 0:33:07.720 had been sitting under your desk for months and leave 0:33:07.800 --> 0:33:10.360 your office early with a Spanish speaking friend. 0:33:10.720 --> 0:33:12.720 We want to make sure it's also and. 0:33:12.760 --> 0:33:15.840 Head out into the dark street, looking for the perfect 0:33:15.880 --> 0:33:18.440 Brooklyn Street corner on which to let it go. 0:33:19.440 --> 0:33:20.880 There, how about under that street that. 0:33:22.440 --> 0:33:26.880 Okay, hang on, I'll I'll be right back. Part of 0:33:26.960 --> 0:33:30.280 you hopes that someone else someone like you will find 0:33:30.360 --> 0:33:33.440 it and treasure it at least for a little while, 0:33:39.680 --> 0:33:43.320 all right, And then you run to catch up with 0:33:43.400 --> 0:33:46.560 your Spanish speaking friend who was already half a block away, 0:33:47.520 --> 0:33:54.000 prattling gleefully about something you barely understand, and that more 0:33:54.040 --> 0:33:56.560 than likely neither of you will remember. 0:33:57.200 --> 0:33:59.360 You want to grab a beer? Yeah? 0:33:59.840 --> 0:34:00.920 You know a place around here? 0:34:01.320 --> 0:34:02.720 Yeah? I think there's a place on the corner. 0:34:03.160 --> 0:34:04.640 Is it that place that you told me that only 0:34:04.720 --> 0:34:05.480 takes bitcoins? 0:34:05.480 --> 0:34:46.680 Of lying about that day, I asked you. Now that 0:34:46.920 --> 0:34:50.960 the fernures returned into it's. 0:34:50.920 --> 0:34:59.600 Goodwill hall, now that the last month's rent is skiming with. 0:34:59.800 --> 0:35:03.080 The damage to pozzle, take this moment to. 0:35:03.280 --> 0:35:03.600 Do so. 0:35:06.440 --> 0:35:08.200 If we imagine flee to. 0:35:10.840 --> 0:35:17.359 Or felt from the Thames at as Lee. 0:35:22.160 --> 0:35:25.520 Heavyweight is hosted and produced by me Jonathan Goldstein along 0:35:25.560 --> 0:35:29.080 with Khalila Holt. The senior producer is Caitlin Roberts, editing 0:35:29.160 --> 0:35:32.920 by Jorge just and Alex Bloomberg. Special thanks to Emily Condon, 0:35:33.160 --> 0:35:37.520 Meg Driscoll, Kelly Coonan, Nicole Wong, Jonathan Zanti, Alvin Melth, 0:35:37.719 --> 0:35:40.239 Chris Neary and Silk from the Museum of Fine Arts 0:35:40.280 --> 0:35:43.279 in Boston and Jackie Cohen. The show is mixed by 0:35:43.320 --> 0:35:46.400 Kate Bolinski, music by Christine Fellows and John K. Samson. 0:35:46.600 --> 0:35:49.120 Additional music credits for this episode can be found on 0:35:49.200 --> 0:35:53.000 our website Gimbletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song 0:35:53.120 --> 0:35:56.040 is by The Weaker Thands courtesy of Epitaph Records, and 0:35:56.120 --> 0:35:58.759 our ad music is by Hailey Shaw. Follow us on 0:35:58.840 --> 0:36:02.080 Twitter at Heavyweight or email us at Heavyweight at gimblimedia 0:36:02.160 --> 0:36:05.520 dot com. Join us next week for the last episode 0:36:05.600 --> 0:36:11.560 of the season, Walls and. 0:36:11.640 --> 0:36:24.560 We Repainted in an empty room, sign in an empty room, 0:36:28.160 --> 0:36:36.000 in an empty ro How about this. Everybody clap your hands. 0:36:44.440 --> 0:36:45.640 And people know when to stop. 0:36:46.680 --> 0:36:48.560 Well, there's no stopping really,