What Holly Randall REALLY Thinks About Porn, Kink, and Penis Size

<v Speaker 1>You were listening to a pleasure podcast. For more from
<v Speaker 1>our sex podcast collective, visit pleasure Podcasts dot com.
<v Speaker 2>My job today is hosting the Holly Randall Unfiltered Podcast.
<v Speaker 2>My name is Keelie Rankin and I am interviewing the
<v Speaker 2>one and only, extraordinary beautiful Holly Randall. Holly Randall is
<v Speaker 2>an erotic photographer and director. She is also a visionary
<v Speaker 2>and entrepreneur, a second generation Playboy photographer, an incredible storyteller,
<v Speaker 2>and an all around badass goddess woman. So everybody, let's
<v Speaker 2>welcome Holly.
<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, I'm excited to be here. I've always
<v Speaker 3>wanted to be on this show. This is amazing. Who
<v Speaker 3>would have guest?
<v Speaker 4>No?
<v Speaker 3>But seriously, guys, So yeah, we decided to do a
<v Speaker 3>flip the script thing. If you're wondering, like, why is
<v Speaker 3>Holly sitting here? And why does somebody who sort of
<v Speaker 3>looks like Holly but not exactly sitting in that seat?
<v Speaker 3>We decided to flip the script today and Kili's going
<v Speaker 3>to interview me. And I am very excited about this
<v Speaker 3>because we're covering my favorite topic, which is me.
<v Speaker 2>It's our favorite topic as well. Hollie, you are an
<v Speaker 2>incredible woman.
<v Speaker 3>Listen, it's everybody's favorite. Tu.
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you truly are an incredible woman. You have
<v Speaker 2>done incredible things, and everyone that knows you loves you.
<v Speaker 2>Everyone in the industry loves you. Everyone that comes on
<v Speaker 2>this show loves you. You make people feel important and
<v Speaker 2>well taken care of and loved, and when you shoot them,
<v Speaker 2>they look beautiful. You have done incredible things. So I
<v Speaker 2>wonder if you can actually just tell everybody, in case
<v Speaker 2>they don't already know, what are the awards that you
<v Speaker 2>have actually won in this industry, because it's it's, you know,
<v Speaker 2>pretty incredible.
<v Speaker 3>Well, there actually aren't that many, so it won't take
<v Speaker 3>me long to get through them. I have. I only
<v Speaker 3>won my first Avian Award two years ago, and I
<v Speaker 3>got inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame, which obviously
<v Speaker 3>was wonderful. I do feel like they did it because
<v Speaker 3>I complained about it on this podcast for years until
<v Speaker 3>I think they were if. I like, well, someone just
<v Speaker 3>give Holly that trophy, so she shuts up, so then
<v Speaker 3>I got it squeaky reel, it gets the grease. And
<v Speaker 3>then I collaborate a movie that I produced called Broken
<v Speaker 3>Butterfly with Jeffrey John Hart, my amazing friend and director,
<v Speaker 3>one Best featurette at AVN and at x BIZ last year,
<v Speaker 3>so that was amazing, and then the year previous to that,
<v Speaker 3>the other movie that we did together, Hopeless, one Best
<v Speaker 3>featurette at XPIZ. Otherwise I have one Best Photography sete
<v Speaker 3>to expis twice, I think, And in terms of like
<v Speaker 3>the big, big adult industry awards, I think that's it.
<v Speaker 2>But you also just won the Podcast Award.
<v Speaker 3>Oh well, so I didn't win an award, but so
<v Speaker 3>what I got was there was the podcast Pantheon. It's
<v Speaker 3>a book. It's a collective of the one hundred and
<v Speaker 3>one most impactful and like culturally significant podcasts in the world,
<v Speaker 3>and right my podcast was in there, which definitely feels
<v Speaker 3>like a massive win to me, huge because I was
<v Speaker 3>like alongside this American Life and Cereal and all of
<v Speaker 3>these kind of massive shows that I would never think
<v Speaker 3>that anybody would ever say in the same breath. So
<v Speaker 3>that was that was really cool. But my podcast has
<v Speaker 3>never actually won like an award. It's coming, you never know,
<v Speaker 3>you never know. I mean every year I get nominated
<v Speaker 3>for AVINA Best Podcast Award, and every year I lose.
<v Speaker 2>So I was thinking about preparing for interviewing you, which
<v Speaker 2>I feel incredibly honored that you chose me. It's really
<v Speaker 2>a privilege to be sitting up here. I'm not really
<v Speaker 2>sure how I got here, but here I am. But
<v Speaker 2>this morning I was in Santa Monica and I was
<v Speaker 2>walking down the beach and or I guess, like along
<v Speaker 2>the strip, and I'm wearing a very bright like farm
<v Speaker 2>rio sweater, so it's like loud and kind of obnoxious.
<v Speaker 2>And I look over and I make eye contact with
<v Speaker 2>this man riding his bike next to another person down
<v Speaker 2>down the way, and turns out is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh,
<v Speaker 2>And I thought, Wow, what are the chances coming here
<v Speaker 2>to interview you, to come on this podcast to talk
<v Speaker 2>about sex and porn and all of these incredible like
<v Speaker 2>fantasy body spaces, which is really what I think of porn,
<v Speaker 2>as it's like this fantasy and porn, and here is
<v Speaker 2>the man who embodies that so fully, like Arnold Schwarzenegger
<v Speaker 2>is the ultimate like phantom see.
<v Speaker 3>Body person out there. And I thought it was.
<v Speaker 2>Such such an interesting kind of like oh men, of
<v Speaker 2>like yeah, this is supposed to happen today, like we're
<v Speaker 2>supposed to have this conversation and really jump into these things.
<v Speaker 2>And it started me thinking, like when you think about
<v Speaker 2>porn and you think about filming porn, and you think
<v Speaker 2>about like the fantasy space, how do you hold that
<v Speaker 2>inside of yourself? Like how do you make sense of
<v Speaker 2>it all? How do I make sense of porn?
<v Speaker 3>Yeah? Like where do you hold it in terms of
<v Speaker 3>like what is it?
<v Speaker 1>Like?
<v Speaker 3>What are you selling?
<v Speaker 2>What is sex? Like?
<v Speaker 3>I mean I think like for me, it's so much
<v Speaker 3>less of an enigma than it is for most people.
<v Speaker 3>I think a lot of other people put more thought
<v Speaker 3>into it than I do, simply because I grew up
<v Speaker 3>around it. So it's so it was never like a
<v Speaker 3>taboo topic for me. It was something that's always been
<v Speaker 3>a part of my life, even like before I actually
<v Speaker 3>got into the industry. So yeah, I don't know, it's
<v Speaker 3>just something that never held like that mystery to me.
<v Speaker 2>Really.
<v Speaker 3>I mean it did because obviously my parents didn't show
<v Speaker 3>me their work when I was a kid, But it
<v Speaker 3>was just something that like I always knew was around.
<v Speaker 3>I knew that they did it. I mean for me,
<v Speaker 3>I mean, porn is any other form of entertainment, it's
<v Speaker 3>it's entertainment and it's sexual, and it's very explicitly sexual,
<v Speaker 3>it's not suggestive, and it's something that people like to
<v Speaker 3>watch to sometimes expand their sexual horizons. Most of the
<v Speaker 3>time just to jerk off, which is also turned on
<v Speaker 3>fun yeah, which is also great. Like this is something
<v Speaker 3>that people need. I think one of the things is
<v Speaker 3>that so many people forget that, you know, one of
<v Speaker 3>the most basic drives of the human race is to procreate, right,
<v Speaker 3>and you can only do that by having sex. So,
<v Speaker 3>like people's sexual drive, whether it's repressed or stagnant or raging,
<v Speaker 3>is like a massive part of like who we are
<v Speaker 3>in our identity, and so many people are raised to
<v Speaker 3>you know, kind of push that aside, to be ashamed
<v Speaker 3>of it, compartmentalize it, and so.
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, it just always makes.
<v Speaker 3>Me sad and surprises me that people have to almost
<v Speaker 3>like put so much thought into like what is porn?
<v Speaker 3>Like people don't really sit around and go, like what
<v Speaker 3>are video games? What is Instagram?
<v Speaker 2>You're just saying, right, not in the way that like
<v Speaker 2>the industry takes so much heat, yes for.
<v Speaker 3>What it actually is.
<v Speaker 2>Yes, there's just so much heat constantly coming to the
<v Speaker 2>people who work in the adult industry and people who
<v Speaker 2>are part of it. Over the years, how have you
<v Speaker 2>dealt with that, Like do you feel the criticisms or
<v Speaker 2>after twenty seven years, is it kind of just rolls
<v Speaker 2>off your back?
<v Speaker 3>Well, I mean I think like because again, I was
<v Speaker 3>raised in a family where, you know, my parents were pornographers, right,
<v Speaker 3>so I never face a family stigma, which I think
<v Speaker 3>is the biggest issue for most people, right like what
<v Speaker 3>are my parents going to think? Exactly what are like
<v Speaker 3>my you know, my friends going to think? And it
<v Speaker 3>was always like a part of my identity and like
<v Speaker 3>a part of you know, who my family was growing up.
<v Speaker 3>So I didn't have that problem, right, which was very
<v Speaker 3>hard helpful I think. Also, honestly, I have the advantage
<v Speaker 3>of being a woman and being a woman behind the camera.
<v Speaker 3>I mean, we all know I ventured a little bit
<v Speaker 3>into new modeling. Yeah we're going to get into that. Well,
<v Speaker 3>we'll get into but that was never my intention, and
<v Speaker 3>I always to say behind It was always to say
<v Speaker 3>behind that, why was that? Because that's just where I
<v Speaker 3>feel like I belong. The only fancing was an accident,
<v Speaker 3>which we can go get to it. Well, maybe we're
<v Speaker 3>going to get into it right now, but so so yeah.
<v Speaker 3>So I think also because I'm a woman, you know,
<v Speaker 3>that's unexpected from most people, right, A female pornographer, A
<v Speaker 3>beautiful female pornographer that was young too, I mean, how
<v Speaker 3>old are you when you started?
<v Speaker 2>Twenty and yeah, very young. Yeah, to be bossing people around,
<v Speaker 2>telling them what to do, where to put their legs.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so yes, So I think that also shields me
<v Speaker 3>from a lot of criticism because I think people maybe
<v Speaker 3>feel like, oh, well, because she's a woman, she couldn't
<v Speaker 3>possibly be exploitative, which is not true. I know a
<v Speaker 3>lot of women that are exploitative. And then I don't know.
<v Speaker 3>I think also because I live in Los Angeles, which
<v Speaker 3>is a pretty like open, you know, city with more
<v Speaker 3>progressive I don't face that stigma so often. Certainly has happened.
<v Speaker 3>I mean I've seen it happen more like in business's
<v Speaker 3>that's where the stigma affects me the most, Like I
<v Speaker 3>try and branch out. Yeah, I mean I've been denied insurance,
<v Speaker 3>I've been denied credit cards when I try to, Like
<v Speaker 3>the most common thing is when I try to find
<v Speaker 3>a location to shoot in if it's poorn people are
<v Speaker 3>like absolutely not, And why is that? Why are people
<v Speaker 3>anti Well, there's two reasons, and one of them I
<v Speaker 3>totally get. They don't want their home associated with adult
<v Speaker 3>like sometimes a lot of these places will also do
<v Speaker 3>like weddings, and they don't want people who might be
<v Speaker 3>considering renting their house for a wedding. I see it,
<v Speaker 3>and like, my sister got gang banged number thirteen, right,
<v Speaker 3>which I which.
<v Speaker 2>But it's like you were watching my sister game being
<v Speaker 2>number thirteen, but it's just like the yeah, okay, interesting,
<v Speaker 2>I know.
<v Speaker 3>And then the other reason is people generally just don't
<v Speaker 3>want you, like coming on their couch, yeah, right, when
<v Speaker 3>jizzing on their throw pillows, right, which I totally understand,
<v Speaker 3>which makes sense, Like no one even wants that happening,
<v Speaker 3>Like an airbnbaer in a hotel, No, we don't want
<v Speaker 3>to know about those, right, but that happens in your
<v Speaker 3>airbnb nobody's films.
<v Speaker 2>This, yes, right, exactly exactly. That's fascinating.
<v Speaker 3>But yeah, I think like business stuff right when I'm
<v Speaker 3>trying to branch out and do other things getting sponsors
<v Speaker 3>for this podcast, A lot of people don't want to
<v Speaker 3>sponsor this podcast because of the nature of the content
<v Speaker 3>that I do, even before I found this podcast studio,
<v Speaker 3>and we only talk about the industry here, right, Nobody
<v Speaker 3>gets naked, nobody has sex.
<v Speaker 2>Nobody's coming in here. No one's coming in here.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah yeah, well you might be out there. But you know,
<v Speaker 3>I do look great today.
<v Speaker 2>You do look great. Thank you.
<v Speaker 3>I got my hair make done because I was like,
<v Speaker 3>we're gonna talk about me.
<v Speaker 2>I'm a look good. Yeah.
<v Speaker 3>I would go to various studios and they were like, oh,
<v Speaker 3>your show's about the adult industry. We don't want you
<v Speaker 3>in here, And.
<v Speaker 5>I'm like, literally, why we're just sitting here talking and
<v Speaker 5>even like just the discussion of the industry now, So
<v Speaker 5>that's where I see most of the stigma really is
<v Speaker 5>in the professional realm.
<v Speaker 2>Right, And I think of like porn as being this
<v Speaker 2>really important part of society. I mean, it allows us
<v Speaker 2>consumers to view people who are willing to take that
<v Speaker 2>risk to put themselves on camera and to be all
<v Speaker 2>day at a shoot and have sex and let other
<v Speaker 2>people view them. I mean, it's a really important part
<v Speaker 2>that we can all get to see. I'm curious, like
<v Speaker 2>how you think of sex and porn in society. Do
<v Speaker 2>you see it like if it were to disappear tomorrow,
<v Speaker 2>what do you think it would take away from society?
<v Speaker 3>I think would be a serious problem because if people
<v Speaker 3>aren't able to release, like their sexual you know, satisfy
<v Speaker 3>their sexual needs, release their sexual attention through some form
<v Speaker 3>of entertainment, that is, you know, maybe detached from actually
<v Speaker 3>being with another person, which you know, for some people
<v Speaker 3>is just safe. For most people's just convenient. I think
<v Speaker 3>that would that could be a problem. I mean, you look,
<v Speaker 3>you look at the countries that have outlawed porn, and
<v Speaker 3>you see the most amount of.
<v Speaker 2>Violence against women in those countries. Right.
<v Speaker 3>So, yeah, the more important to try to repress people's
<v Speaker 3>sexual drives, the more it comes out in other not
<v Speaker 3>healthy ways, right, harmful ways, harmful waves, obspredatory ways. Yes,
<v Speaker 3>so I think that it plays a very important role
<v Speaker 3>in our society, but people don't want to think about
<v Speaker 3>it or talk about it, mostly like in the United States,
<v Speaker 3>you know, like America consumes the most amount of porn,
<v Speaker 3>but like hates it the most.
<v Speaker 2>Right, we have such a problem with that people taking
<v Speaker 2>their clothes off, or people enjoying themselves.
<v Speaker 3>And just sex in general.
<v Speaker 1>Right.
<v Speaker 2>I often think sometimes there's also this part of our
<v Speaker 2>society that doesn't want to think that women enjoy sex, yes,
<v Speaker 2>that we're carnivorous, or we could we could want all
<v Speaker 2>of these things. So it's like we're just going to
<v Speaker 2>pretend that's not happening because women couldn't possibly desire sex
<v Speaker 2>in that way.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean, and that also plays into the whole
<v Speaker 3>like question about don't you think women are degraded and
<v Speaker 3>victimized in the porn industry? Right?
<v Speaker 2>And what do you how do you respond to that?
<v Speaker 3>Ah, that question makes me so bad, I mean literally
<v Speaker 3>for the reason that you just said. Because when you
<v Speaker 3>say that, first of all, you're instantly grouping all women
<v Speaker 3>into one one little fish bowl, right, right, right, all
<v Speaker 3>women are the same, right, and your whole industry is
<v Speaker 3>the same, not right thing at it, it's like a
<v Speaker 3>whole industry, right, And you're also taking away like women's
<v Speaker 3>personal preferences and agency. So you're saying women are victims, right,
<v Speaker 3>We're always victims because like, if were engaging in you know,
<v Speaker 3>sexual activities on camera, we must have been forced into it.
<v Speaker 2>Must have been right because possibly an exactly.
<v Speaker 3>Exactly, so like so there you're painting women as the victim,
<v Speaker 3>which is like my first thing. And then yeah, you're
<v Speaker 3>taking away like their their agency and their independence and
<v Speaker 3>suggesting that women couldn't make these decisions on their own,
<v Speaker 3>and also that women couldn't be sexual creatures, which is
<v Speaker 3>completely untrue. Women can be just as sexual, if not
<v Speaker 3>more so than men. It's a spectrum. And if women
<v Speaker 3>are sexual and they enjoy being exhibitionists and they want
<v Speaker 3>to put themselves out there, they should be able to
<v Speaker 3>do so. And you never hear people lamenting about like
<v Speaker 3>the men in the industry, you know, you never get
<v Speaker 3>people going like, oh, those poor men, there's such victims.
<v Speaker 3>R you know, the porn industry. It's always the women, right,
<v Speaker 3>The women are always the weaker sex. And so yeah,
<v Speaker 3>that question makes me very mad.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, no, I can totally understand. And I think it's
<v Speaker 2>like oftentimes, you know, industries have these ideas that go
<v Speaker 2>along with them, Like as a therapist, there's this idea
<v Speaker 2>that like every therapist is fucked up and they're just
<v Speaker 2>like went to therapy school to try and fix themselves,
<v Speaker 2>aren't you. It's trying to fix myself, aren't you. I mean,
<v Speaker 2>we all little fucked up. I mean, that's like the
<v Speaker 2>funny thing when you start to lean into that question, yeah,
<v Speaker 2>is like, who's not like a little you know, got
<v Speaker 2>a little something wrong in their brain? I mean, we
<v Speaker 2>all do on different levels. But there's the stigma attached
<v Speaker 2>to the porn industry that like women gravitate towards it
<v Speaker 2>because they have no other, you know, nothing else and
<v Speaker 2>they have to have the money and someone talked them
<v Speaker 2>into it. And I feel like, actually, you've been a
<v Speaker 2>huge part by having women come on the show and
<v Speaker 2>talk that are you know, performers saying like no, I
<v Speaker 2>chose this, I want this, I enjoy this, like this
<v Speaker 2>is fun for me, and you're bringing that to life,
<v Speaker 2>which I think is probably why you made it into
<v Speaker 2>that book about you know, the podcasts and the top
<v Speaker 2>on hundred and one podcast because you really are breathing
<v Speaker 2>life into that place. So no one has to walk
<v Speaker 2>around with that holding that stigma.
<v Speaker 3>Thank you, I mean, And that was literally like the
<v Speaker 3>whole reason I started this show. I didn't expect it
<v Speaker 3>to do as well as it did, and I'm like
<v Speaker 3>so massively grateful for it. But you know, I just
<v Speaker 3>always felt that the way that people viewed the adult
<v Speaker 3>industry and its specifically sex workers was just so inaccurate,
<v Speaker 3>and they just did. And I always thought to myself,
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, God, if they just knew them, right, if
<v Speaker 3>they just like spent like a day on set with them,
<v Speaker 3>like they would see what awesome people they are. And
<v Speaker 3>also they're just like regular people, so I like everybody else. Ye,
<v Speaker 3>So I was like, I just want and maybe I'll
<v Speaker 3>do this show and they'll sit down and we'll talk
<v Speaker 3>like regular people and people can see like who they
<v Speaker 3>are and they can be humanize and they can see
<v Speaker 3>that like they're you know, human beings with a career
<v Speaker 3>that maybe is a little bit unusual.
<v Speaker 2>Right, right, unusual, but base and pleasure right right, It's
<v Speaker 2>like this pleasure space, enjoying sex, enjoying all those pieces,
<v Speaker 2>shedding shame.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I think it's changed so much too, because
<v Speaker 3>the way that like the porn industry actually just is
<v Speaker 3>structured now has changed so much. So you know there,
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I know a lot of women that are
<v Speaker 3>very sexual that would love to do porn, but they
<v Speaker 3>don't do it simply because they're afraid of the stigma.
<v Speaker 3>They're afraid of what their family will think, they're afraid
<v Speaker 3>of losing the opportunity to you know, pursue a different
<v Speaker 3>career later on. I mean, when you enter the porn industry,
<v Speaker 3>you don't have to just think about the fact that
<v Speaker 3>like you're having sex on camera and you know, STDs
<v Speaker 3>and you know, maybe like lack of intimacy and all
<v Speaker 3>these other kinds of things. You have to also think about,
<v Speaker 3>like the way that society is now going to view
<v Speaker 3>you for the rest of your life. Right, And it's
<v Speaker 3>very unfair, right, you know, like just because somebody's a
<v Speaker 3>sex worker doesn't mean that they could also like be
<v Speaker 3>a wonderful nurse. In fact, there's like a lot of
<v Speaker 3>correlation between the two. There's a lot of like giving
<v Speaker 3>and caring and absolutely body awareness and all of that
<v Speaker 3>between the two, right, So you know, I mean I've
<v Speaker 3>always felt that the stigma surrounding the porn industry is
<v Speaker 3>more damaging than the porn industry itself. It's the way
<v Speaker 3>that like people see you afterwards, and it's just comes
<v Speaker 3>from such a place of misunderstanding and personal shame about sex.
<v Speaker 3>And that's what I hope is starting to change. And
<v Speaker 3>I feel like it's starting to change because now women
<v Speaker 3>have so much more agency over.
<v Speaker 2>Their career, right, Right, with Only Fans.
<v Speaker 3>It's funny. I had a meeting with the people at
<v Speaker 3>Only Fans the other day and I can't remember how
<v Speaker 3>it came up, but I said to them, I'm like,
<v Speaker 3>you guys know that you changed the entire adult industry right,
<v Speaker 3>like completely, And they.
<v Speaker 2>Were like.
<v Speaker 3>It was just like funny, because what can you.
<v Speaker 2>Say to that?
<v Speaker 4>But it was just it was this moment where I
<v Speaker 4>was just like, what do you guys think about that,
<v Speaker 4>you know, like having changed our industry so and do
<v Speaker 4>you think changed for the better or do you think
<v Speaker 4>there's like give and take or I think there's a
<v Speaker 4>little bit of.
<v Speaker 3>Give and take, but I think mostly for the better.
<v Speaker 3>I think the fact that the power and independence financial
<v Speaker 3>independence lies in the hands of the creators is so
<v Speaker 3>much better because that makes for a better working environment.
<v Speaker 3>I've noticed that since Only Fans started, like brands have
<v Speaker 3>really changed the way that they treat talent, right because
<v Speaker 3>now they see like the talent has all the power,
<v Speaker 3>you know, and they can't treat them like a disposable thing,
<v Speaker 3>right and they have to respect them, and now like
<v Speaker 3>the talent are the marketing machine that they need. And
<v Speaker 3>a lot of people come in now with the idea
<v Speaker 3>of they're literally like marketing geniuses and they're like, but
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to have sex and that's going to be
<v Speaker 3>my avenue. But like all they think about is they're
<v Speaker 3>so focused on data, ab testing and like all this
<v Speaker 3>kind of shit that you know, most people wouldn't associate
<v Speaker 3>with a porn star.
<v Speaker 2>Right that they're actually thinking about these things, that they're
<v Speaker 2>managing their whole image in order to become successful and
<v Speaker 2>to survive in this industry, because you've seen it change
<v Speaker 2>so much, I mean, right with your parents and starting
<v Speaker 2>with like DVDs and VHSS and shifting into free porn
<v Speaker 2>and now OnlyFans. And I'm imagining a lot of money
<v Speaker 2>came out of directing, which is what you were predominantly
<v Speaker 2>doing for so many years.
<v Speaker 3>Is that new No, Okay, I wish directing paid very little,
<v Speaker 3>like compared to what talent made. I mean, I definitely
<v Speaker 3>made less than talent. It's funny because you to be
<v Speaker 3>a director and to really stick to the job and
<v Speaker 3>continue to do it, you have to actually like really
<v Speaker 3>love it because it's a lot of work for not
<v Speaker 3>that much money compared to like the mainstream industry, especially
<v Speaker 3>like they get a lot of right. I mean, I
<v Speaker 3>remember when I did my Playboy TV show. I'd never
<v Speaker 3>been on like a big professional set like that before,
<v Speaker 3>with such a massive crew that really, you know, followed
<v Speaker 3>the protocol that most mainstream sets do. There were like,
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, like seven different producers. I was like,
<v Speaker 3>I thought there was only one producer. You know.
<v Speaker 2>That just shows my naivity about the whole industry. By
<v Speaker 2>the way, I'm not associated or faili with Hollywood, so oh.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but there's like an executive producer, there's a line producer,
<v Speaker 3>there's like a story producer. There's like all these people
<v Speaker 3>that take care of a very specific part of the job,
<v Speaker 3>which is great, and make sure that everything is executed well.
<v Speaker 3>And also they're like, you know, bigger budgets, bigger, just
<v Speaker 3>bigger overall and need more attention. As a director and porn,
<v Speaker 3>you're not just the director. You also have to be
<v Speaker 3>the producer. You also have to be the bookkeeper. You
<v Speaker 3>also have to be sometimes the stylist. You also have
<v Speaker 3>to like you know, organize the schedule maybe sometimes like
<v Speaker 3>plan locations. Like I mean, it depends on your budget
<v Speaker 3>and what you have. But I have done everything. I've
<v Speaker 3>been the pa, I mean, I've wiped up, come off
<v Speaker 3>the couch.
<v Speaker 2>I don't care.
<v Speaker 3>It needs to get done, you know, right.
<v Speaker 2>So it was like a startup is like everyone's playing
<v Speaker 2>every role at any moment, just like who need hands
<v Speaker 2>on deck?
<v Speaker 3>Let's go, Yes, But you never get out of that
<v Speaker 3>startup role. You just just live in the startup.
<v Speaker 2>You're just living in it.
<v Speaker 3>It's a lot of work directing porn, and I think
<v Speaker 3>a lot of people don't realize how much work it is.
<v Speaker 2>So when you're on set and you're filming, are you
<v Speaker 2>just behind then the camera? Like filming with the camera?
<v Speaker 2>Is that what you were mainly? Oh?
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I forgot to throw in. I was also the
<v Speaker 3>photographer and the videographer and sometimes the editor too. Right well,
<v Speaker 3>because photos are your main your love.
<v Speaker 2>I love photos when we're in a studio, beautiful photos everywhere.
<v Speaker 2>I'm guessing most of them are yours.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, They're all mine, except for the one of my
<v Speaker 3>mom in the seventies, which obviously idea.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know they're beautiful. You're an incredible photographer. Most
<v Speaker 2>people may not know about you.
<v Speaker 3>Actually, no, it kind of makes me sad now, like
<v Speaker 3>this podcast has dominated my career so much, which I'm
<v Speaker 3>so grateful for. But yeah, I feel like a lot
<v Speaker 3>of people don't know that I actually am a.
<v Speaker 2>Photographer, right, yeah, an incredible photographer, which is hard to do. Yeah,
<v Speaker 2>thank you.
<v Speaker 3>So yeah, it would again depend on the budget. I
<v Speaker 3>mean I came from a world. I came from a
<v Speaker 3>very small budget world. So I shot camera as well
<v Speaker 3>and I directed.
<v Speaker 2>What does a small budget like, what does that look like?
<v Speaker 3>I mean sometimes I would only get like the three thousand,
<v Speaker 3>thirty five hundred for a shoot, Oh.
<v Speaker 2>My gosh, and like really small budget.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and like the talent, like the female talents like
<v Speaker 3>a thousand dollars, like male talents like eight hundred dollars.
<v Speaker 2>That is like eight hundred dollars. Yeah, I just begging
<v Speaker 2>people to come to work for you, like you know,
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.
<v Speaker 3>I always pay people their rates. I would do two
<v Speaker 3>scenes back to back, okay, and then I would shoot
<v Speaker 3>something from my website as well, like a solo okay.
<v Speaker 3>But I had to make that dollar. I had to
<v Speaker 3>stretch that dollar wow, you know, like it was and
<v Speaker 3>you know I had to feed people too, like.
<v Speaker 2>All the things that happened on a set, like you're
<v Speaker 2>responsible for yeah, all this stuff, so all those things,
<v Speaker 2>so you know it would be like me and one assistant,
<v Speaker 2>I would just do everything.
<v Speaker 3>And then as I you know, got further along in
<v Speaker 3>my career and companies like I mean really like Twisti's
<v Speaker 3>was the one that like gave me the really started
<v Speaker 3>giving me like a great gave me like a first
<v Speaker 3>real budget that was like good that I could hire
<v Speaker 3>more people to do stuff for me.
<v Speaker 2>Were you when that happened?
<v Speaker 3>I mean, this was like I don't know, five six
<v Speaker 3>years ago. I mean I worked for Twisties for like
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, like fifteen years, but there was a
<v Speaker 3>time towards like the end of my career, so I
<v Speaker 3>don't know, it was like the last seven years of
<v Speaker 3>me shooting for them or something like that. I don't
<v Speaker 3>know that they because they went through a lot of changes,
<v Speaker 3>right that they just suddenly one day they were like,
<v Speaker 3>we're going to give you a real budget, and we're
<v Speaker 3>going to like change the way that we do things,
<v Speaker 3>and we're going to give you all of these tools
<v Speaker 3>to really be able to produce fantastic content. We're going
<v Speaker 3>to give you less work, but we're going to give
<v Speaker 3>you more money to do that. Work, which was like amazing,
<v Speaker 3>and so then I was able to get like that's
<v Speaker 3>when I actually hired Jeff, who you know, directs all
<v Speaker 3>the movies that we produced together, because they gave me
<v Speaker 3>a budget for a steadicam operator and I was like, yes, yes,
<v Speaker 3>But again, because of the stigma of porn, I had
<v Speaker 3>a hard time finding somebody that was okay shooting an
<v Speaker 3>adult wow. And even when we first start, this is
<v Speaker 3>so funny, and Jeff has talked about this, so I
<v Speaker 3>know I can be open about this. But when he
<v Speaker 3>first started working for me, because you know, he came
<v Speaker 3>from mainstream, right, he was like, Okay, I'll shoot the
<v Speaker 3>teas part at the beginning, right, and this was just
<v Speaker 3>the solos, but when the girl masturbased, I leave. Oh,
<v Speaker 3>So he would shoot the teas part and then he
<v Speaker 3>would like pack up and go, and then I'd have
<v Speaker 3>to shoot the solo masturbation part, and the model would
<v Speaker 3>usually be like where's he going, and I'm like, well,
<v Speaker 3>he doesn't want to be around for that part, and
<v Speaker 3>they'd be kind of like okay, right. Or the worst
<v Speaker 3>part was if for some reason we were doing things
<v Speaker 3>in reverse, which would we would do sometimes like say
<v Speaker 3>if I don't know. We had to get out of
<v Speaker 3>a location earlier. And you know, we don't shoot sound
<v Speaker 3>when we're doing the teas part because it's a slow
<v Speaker 3>motion they put music over it. But we shoot sound
<v Speaker 3>during the masturbation. So like if we shot the masturbation
<v Speaker 3>before the teas, then we'd be done with sound and
<v Speaker 3>then people could be packing up right while I'm shooting
<v Speaker 3>while we're shooting the teas because the sound doesn't matter.
<v Speaker 3>So like in those cases, he'd like have to go
<v Speaker 3>in the other room while we shoot the masturbation and
<v Speaker 3>then come back in and then shoot. This is really awkward. Obviously,
<v Speaker 3>over time he just stay yeah, and now he just
<v Speaker 3>shoots everything. Don't care. But at the beginning, you know,
<v Speaker 3>we had to like work around these parameters that he had.
<v Speaker 3>As the weather cools down and the days get shorter,
<v Speaker 3>we are all spending more time snuggled up inside. And
<v Speaker 3>if you want to make those cozy nights even hotter,
<v Speaker 3>you need to check out load Boost from vbhalth Now.
<v Speaker 3>People take load boost for its research backed ingredients that
<v Speaker 3>are designed to naturally increase semen volume and even the taste,
<v Speaker 3>which we girls love. It is also a popular supplement
<v Speaker 3>for those trying to support fertility while conceiving. So think
<v Speaker 3>of it like your fall upgrade, adding extra whipped cream
<v Speaker 3>to your pumpkin spice latte. So grab your blanket, light
<v Speaker 3>the candles, and make sure that you're stocked up to
<v Speaker 3>keep things warm and wild all season long, and right now.
<v Speaker 3>You can get ten percent off when you visit loadboost
<v Speaker 3>dot com and use code Holly. Check out that's loadboost
<v Speaker 3>dot com code Holly, or click the link in the
<v Speaker 3>episode description. Life is full of eruptions, group chats, blowing up,
<v Speaker 3>celebrity meltdowns, that one friend who always spills your tea.
<v Speaker 3>But let's be real, none of that drama ever puts
<v Speaker 3>money in your pocket, does it. That's why cash eruption
<v Speaker 3>slots at DraftKings Casino is the kind of eruption I
<v Speaker 3>am here for flashy, chaotic in the best way, And
<v Speaker 3>this one might actually pay you. And if you're asking yourself,
<v Speaker 3>can DraftKings Casino really back that up? Oh honey, They've
<v Speaker 3>got the receipts. They paid out the largest online casino
<v Speaker 3>jackpot in US history. They've given out over six hundred
<v Speaker 3>million in jackpots and they've crowned more than one hundred millionaires.
<v Speaker 3>So yeah, if anything's going to go viral in your
<v Speaker 3>group chat, let it be that you just hit big
<v Speaker 3>on cash Eruption. New players, listen up, download the Draft
<v Speaker 3>Kings Casino app and use code HRU. Play just five
<v Speaker 3>bucks and get five hundred spins on cast Eruption slots
<v Speaker 3>over ten days. That's code hru only at Draft Kings Casino,
<v Speaker 3>home of the biggest online jackpot in US history, in
<v Speaker 3>partnership with Draft Kings Casino, The Crown is yours gambling
<v Speaker 3>problem called one eight hundred gambler in Connecticut. Help is
<v Speaker 3>available for problem gambling called eight eight eight seven eight
<v Speaker 3>nine seven seven seven seven, or visit CCPG dot org.
<v Speaker 3>Please play responsibly twenty one plus physically present in Connecticut, Michigan,
<v Speaker 3>New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only void in Ontario. Eligibility
<v Speaker 3>restrictions apply non with Throwble Casino. Spins issued as fifty
<v Speaker 3>spins per day for ten days, valid for feature game
<v Speaker 3>only and expire each day after twenty four hours. See
<v Speaker 3>terms at Casino dot DraftKings Dot Splash promotions and January fourth,
<v Speaker 3>twenty twenty six, at eleven to fifty nine pm Eastern Time.
<v Speaker 2>Well, it's so interesting, is like this the levels in
<v Speaker 2>which shame permeates like into our society around sex. And
<v Speaker 2>I know, like working with clients on day to day basis,
<v Speaker 2>which is what I primarily do. I don't interview people
<v Speaker 2>like beautiful Holly, you know, sex or the shame part,
<v Speaker 2>and sex is such a such a huge part of
<v Speaker 2>like what gets in the way of people actually enjoying
<v Speaker 2>their bodies, enjoying their partners. And I'm so curious for you, Holly,
<v Speaker 2>if you will, like do you still experience any shame
<v Speaker 2>around sex or your body or do you feel like,
<v Speaker 2>now that you've seen it all, been around it all,
<v Speaker 2>like that's just sort of passed through you.
<v Speaker 3>No, I don't think so. It's kind of funny. I
<v Speaker 3>almost feel ashamed of how vanilla I am.
<v Speaker 2>Oh interesting, Yeah, like you're supposed to be.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Yeah, And I used to be like way more
<v Speaker 3>into like BDSX, but.
<v Speaker 2>You had a boyfriend that was like yeah, And I
<v Speaker 2>like to be.
<v Speaker 3>Like tied up and spanked and that kind of stuff, right,
<v Speaker 3>Not that I don't enjoy these things every once in
<v Speaker 3>a while, but you know, like I'm older, I'm a mom,
<v Speaker 3>so I you know, my sexual escapades have you know,
<v Speaker 3>mellowed out a little bit more so. But yeah, I
<v Speaker 3>would say that, like I don't think I mean, look,
<v Speaker 3>I think I had like, not necessarily shame, but uncertainty
<v Speaker 3>around sex when I was younger, just because I was younger, right,
<v Speaker 3>and you're certady like, am I doing it right?
<v Speaker 2>Do I look?
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, like you're just uncertain about everything, right, And so
<v Speaker 3>sex was obviously like a part of that. I also
<v Speaker 3>had a very terrible drinking problem, and I would usually
<v Speaker 3>always be wasted when I was drinking. And when I
<v Speaker 3>was drinking, yes that too, but I would always be
<v Speaker 3>like wasted when I was having sex. So then when
<v Speaker 3>I got sober, like learn have.
<v Speaker 2>Sex as a thing. Sex.
<v Speaker 3>So yeah, but yeah, I mean I wouldn't say I
<v Speaker 3>wouldn't say shame. And I will say that modeling nude
<v Speaker 3>really made me feel a lot more comfortable about my
<v Speaker 3>body in a where I was modeling again into in
<v Speaker 3>the way that I wasn't really before.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm so curious. Yeah, because for so long you
<v Speaker 2>were behind the camera, right taking beautiful pictures of people.
<v Speaker 2>What made you? I know, there was the leak, there's
<v Speaker 2>the website leak of get their photos that went live,
<v Speaker 2>but it could have ended there and right, So tell
<v Speaker 2>us about the journey into.
<v Speaker 3>Well, I think, you know, I saw obviously, like how
<v Speaker 3>the spike, the monetization spike, right, because I doubled down
<v Speaker 3>when those photos leaked, and I just put them on
<v Speaker 3>my website. Now, I mean they leaked on my website, thankfully,
<v Speaker 3>so I just kept them up because I was like,
<v Speaker 3>it's too late, may as well promote it now, right,
<v Speaker 3>And so I realized that this was something that, you know,
<v Speaker 3>could make I think there was a part of me
<v Speaker 3>that always felt like there was no way I was
<v Speaker 3>hot enough to do that, you know what I mean,
<v Speaker 3>Like all the girls that I shot were young and
<v Speaker 3>beautiful and perfect bodies, and I never felt like I
<v Speaker 3>was in that category. So and then it was slow, really,
<v Speaker 3>I mean I started posting nudes on like my snapchat
<v Speaker 3>here and there because they could be deleted in twenty
<v Speaker 3>four hours, so I felt like I could take it back.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I think honestly, like, ultimately it was fun
<v Speaker 2>for you, Like there was something fun about it. I
<v Speaker 2>can see in your eyes.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, there was for sure, also like a little bit
<v Speaker 3>of fear.
<v Speaker 2>But and I fear mostly like what people would say,
<v Speaker 2>like would people be critical or.
<v Speaker 3>I think like fear that you know, I couldn't take it,
<v Speaker 3>like I knew I couldn't take it back. I mean obviously,
<v Speaker 3>like I didn't work about my family, that didn't matter.
<v Speaker 3>But I think probably like fear about you know, dating, right,
<v Speaker 3>because like that's always a thing. Like I know a
<v Speaker 3>lot of sex workers have a hard time. Female sex
<v Speaker 3>workers specifically have a hard time finding a male partner
<v Speaker 3>that accepts what they do. So I'm sure that that
<v Speaker 3>occurred to me. I know it occurred to me.
<v Speaker 2>You're like, it's okay if I'm in an adult industry
<v Speaker 2>but over here behind the camera. But if I'm in
<v Speaker 2>front of the camera, maybe someone won't love me. I
<v Speaker 2>think I'm marriage material.
<v Speaker 3>Right, And I think ultimately it was the you know,
<v Speaker 3>probably a big part of it. I know a big
<v Speaker 3>part of it was the acceptance that my boyfriend had
<v Speaker 3>around it. Who is now my husband, right, because those
<v Speaker 3>leaked when you guys just started dating more. Yeah, we
<v Speaker 3>were pretty new into our relationship. He had not moved
<v Speaker 3>in with me yet, yeah, and he was okay with it,
<v Speaker 3>and I was kind of surprised by that. Answer, So
<v Speaker 3>that made me feel more comp He.
<v Speaker 2>Was like, well, you're beautiful, of course, like people probably
<v Speaker 2>love seeing you.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and he just like he didn't. I mean, that's
<v Speaker 3>what's so great about him too, is he has like
<v Speaker 3>and that's the thing that attracts me the most to men,
<v Speaker 3>is he's an enormous amount of self confidence. So he's
<v Speaker 3>not worried about anything, and he trusts me, and he's
<v Speaker 3>just like he doesn't really worry that much about what
<v Speaker 3>other people think.
<v Speaker 2>It's not like he doesn't care. And that's you know,
<v Speaker 2>that means a lot. Has he been.
<v Speaker 3>Encouraging your actually yes, so I you know, was like
<v Speaker 3>I said, posting like nudes here and there, like on Snapchat.
<v Speaker 3>And I think where I realized that like this was
<v Speaker 3>an avenue that I should probably follow was we were
<v Speaker 3>in Italy and the airline went on strike and so
<v Speaker 3>like our flights got canceled. Was Italy, I mean, they're
<v Speaker 3>always striking. Yeah, So it was going to cost us
<v Speaker 3>like twenty five hundred dollars to come back, and I
<v Speaker 3>was like, maybe I could raise this money with my titties.
<v Speaker 3>And I did that this great and I.
<v Speaker 4>Was like okay, and.
<v Speaker 2>I obviously passed. How quickly did you raise the ball
<v Speaker 2>like in to day And You're like, I could have
<v Speaker 2>been doing this the whole time.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean I think I knew that, but I
<v Speaker 3>was like, I don't. I don't want to like go,
<v Speaker 3>I want to dip my toe and I want to
<v Speaker 3>really go all the way in. And then and then
<v Speaker 3>we kind of talked about it, and he was like, look,
<v Speaker 3>he's like and then I think I told him. I'm like, Okay,
<v Speaker 3>I think I might want to start, like because I
<v Speaker 3>had my only fans, but I was only putting up
<v Speaker 3>like behind the scenes and like sets that I had
<v Speaker 3>shot and like letting people see the stuff my work,
<v Speaker 3>right yeah, which no one gave a shit about. I
<v Speaker 3>could not sell that like twenty four dollars a month,
<v Speaker 3>Like no one cared about the stuff I was producing, right,
<v Speaker 3>They just wanted to see me naked. Oh yeah, well,
<v Speaker 3>which is just sort of made me a little sad
<v Speaker 3>because I feel like my work's a lot better than
<v Speaker 3>me naked.
<v Speaker 2>But whatever.
<v Speaker 3>And he actually was the one who said he's like
<v Speaker 3>he's like, okay, you know, if you want to do this,
<v Speaker 3>He's like, then let's like do something. Let's do it. Well,
<v Speaker 3>he's like, you're posting these shitty pictures of you and
<v Speaker 3>the ball out. Yeah, funny because you're the photographer.
<v Speaker 5>But he called you out well because I was just
<v Speaker 5>doing like amateur pictures on my phone in the bathroom,
<v Speaker 5>because I wasn't like trying to make it professional because
<v Speaker 5>I wasn't committing to it, right.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, right, you were just yeah, yeah, you were floating around.
<v Speaker 3>So he was like, so why don't we like, why
<v Speaker 3>don't we go get like a really nice hotel room
<v Speaker 3>and you get some nice lingerie and I'll shoot some
<v Speaker 3>stuff of you? And why is he also a photographer?
<v Speaker 2>No? Okay, not at all. How'd that go? Were you
<v Speaker 2>really critical of him?
<v Speaker 5>Hey?
<v Speaker 2>You know I gave him a lot of pointers. Yeah,
<v Speaker 2>let's put it that way. My husband's a photographer. Whenever
<v Speaker 2>he takes pictures of I take pictures of him, it's like,
<v Speaker 2>we don't even you didn't even do it, yeah, because
<v Speaker 2>he's too critical. So yeah, yeah, yeah, he's not your
<v Speaker 2>photographer anymore? Is that he?
<v Speaker 3>I mean, he never really was going to be. But
<v Speaker 3>you know, he was like, let's let's get a hotel room,
<v Speaker 3>and he's like, why don't you give your fans like
<v Speaker 3>something nice of you, Like, let's like do something that
<v Speaker 3>looks better than the crap you've been shooting. And I
<v Speaker 3>was like, okay, all right, he's on board.
<v Speaker 2>And so we did.
<v Speaker 3>And actually that was really great for our sex life
<v Speaker 3>because he like, I've been lingerie and you know, and
<v Speaker 3>he'd be and then afterwards like, you know, yeah, have
<v Speaker 3>some fun, great sex.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.
<v Speaker 3>So it was actually like it was cool because it
<v Speaker 3>was a new way for us to like explore our
<v Speaker 3>intimacy and our relationship in a way that like we
<v Speaker 3>hadn't done it before, right.
<v Speaker 2>And I also imagine too, like when you're in front
<v Speaker 2>of the camera, when I watch you there, you do
<v Speaker 2>step into these characters and these roles. It's incredible. I mean,
<v Speaker 2>your only fans is incredible. Like you're you're a dom,
<v Speaker 2>You're a sub, You're I feel like I saw you
<v Speaker 2>it was like a pirate Wench outfits. But I thought
<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, she's like a pirate today, you know.
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you really step into these roles. And I imagine,
<v Speaker 2>like when I think about what helps couples have more
<v Speaker 2>fun sex, it's sort of like stepping into that fantasy space,
<v Speaker 2>which is what porn helps people do. It is like
<v Speaker 2>step into that fantasy space. And so I wonder if, like,
<v Speaker 2>as you stepping into your body and trying on lingerie
<v Speaker 2>and these different characters, Yeah, if it really allows you
<v Speaker 2>to be that.
<v Speaker 3>Role, yeah, absolutely, because I never really wear like lingerie
<v Speaker 3>in my regular life. I would never like put stalking
<v Speaker 3>your on and stuff, like you know, it's sexy under there.
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, what am I wearing?
<v Speaker 2>I don't even know.
<v Speaker 3>It's just a new All my brows are new because
<v Speaker 3>like they don't show through clothes. I have nice laingderie,
<v Speaker 3>but I like never wear it that often except for
<v Speaker 3>people on your only fanis well, right, But I mean
<v Speaker 3>I don't wear it like day to day. It's usually
<v Speaker 3>like lumpy, right, your nipples are like laced and it's
<v Speaker 3>not kind of scratchy. But yeah, yeah, but you like.
<v Speaker 2>It because you enjoy wearing it, and so we put
<v Speaker 2>it on. I do.
<v Speaker 3>But I have to say, like at the beginning, I
<v Speaker 3>felt embarrassed. I felt like this is not right. I
<v Speaker 3>should not be wearing this. Somebody else should be wearing this,
<v Speaker 3>Like this doesn't feel like the person that I am,
<v Speaker 3>Like I'm making too much of myself, I don't belong
<v Speaker 3>in this lingerie, like I should be behind the camera
<v Speaker 3>and jeans and a T shirt. So it was it
<v Speaker 3>was hard, it was weird.
<v Speaker 2>And has that pivoted you feel like you're owning it
<v Speaker 2>more now, definitely owning it more now though, I mean
<v Speaker 2>I still my core, like feel like I belong behind
<v Speaker 2>the camera honestly, and when people ask me, because you.
<v Speaker 3>Love being behind the camera, I do, Yeah, I do.
<v Speaker 3>I think it's just like I'm a lot more passionate
<v Speaker 3>about that because that's for me, like that creative thing
<v Speaker 3>that I get to to mold, I don't.
<v Speaker 2>Know, versus being like the exhibitionists or getting the attention
<v Speaker 2>or being seen.
<v Speaker 3>But it's weird though, because I love attention. Yeah, Like
<v Speaker 3>I don't get me wrong, I'm not like a modest
<v Speaker 3>person like I like attention, love me please. Yeah. I
<v Speaker 3>don't know. Maybe it's because like for so many years
<v Speaker 3>my role was on the other side, and it's like
<v Speaker 3>strange to step into that. And I think maybe also too,
<v Speaker 3>I hold the role and the place of like sex
<v Speaker 3>workers and porn stars for me honestly, like on such
<v Speaker 3>a pedestal because I respect them so much. For you,
<v Speaker 3>know what they've sacrificed and what they do and the
<v Speaker 3>things literally that they can do with their bodies.
<v Speaker 2>It's hard work.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. And also like I've also always kept sort of
<v Speaker 3>a boundary, like a personal professional boundary between me and
<v Speaker 3>other performers, Like you know, I never date talent. I
<v Speaker 3>you know, always ask them if I need to like
<v Speaker 3>change clothes, like I don't. I respect and have really
<v Speaker 3>strong boundaries.
<v Speaker 2>And that's one thing I've actually really noticed about you
<v Speaker 2>and I really respect about you, is like you're so open,
<v Speaker 2>like you are just this like open, playful person, but
<v Speaker 2>you have very clear boundaries, which makes you very safe.
<v Speaker 2>Thank you.
<v Speaker 3>But yeah, I don't know, maybe I feel like I
<v Speaker 3>am crossing that line by showing your body by doing that.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I'm not.
<v Speaker 3>Like, so I'm actually doing my first This is an
<v Speaker 3>exclusive everybody, because actually if you watch this when it
<v Speaker 3>comes out on YouTube, this would have already happened. But
<v Speaker 3>I'm doing my first shoot with my very good friend
<v Speaker 3>Cherie de Ville, and we're going to shoot together. We're
<v Speaker 3>not going to do any don't get excited. I'm not
<v Speaker 3>going to have sex with her.
<v Speaker 2>But we're going to die, you know.
<v Speaker 3>Of I mean, I never know, but yeah, we're just
<v Speaker 3>going to shoot like sexy photos together, which I have
<v Speaker 3>never done. Wow, And I people have asked me about that,
<v Speaker 3>and I always felt like that was crossing the line.
<v Speaker 3>Like that feels like now I'm stepping into territory where
<v Speaker 3>I'm blurring the line between like you know, director, producer,
<v Speaker 3>and talent. And that's something that is I think a
<v Speaker 3>very sensitive topic in our industry because there's a lot
<v Speaker 3>of directors that do blur that line, and I never
<v Speaker 3>want to be one of those people.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it makes people feel uncomfortable or there's a power dynamic,
<v Speaker 2>that power but Sheri's idea. She came to you and
<v Speaker 2>oh yeah, no, it was her idea.
<v Speaker 3>She like talked me. How long did it take?
<v Speaker 2>Just like one conversation she talked to you into her
<v Speaker 2>Has she been working on you for a while.
<v Speaker 3>No, I think it was one conversation, but it was.
<v Speaker 3>It's just funny because actually we had a meeting and
<v Speaker 3>we were talking about what we were going to do
<v Speaker 3>and she was like, Okay, what are you willing to do?
<v Speaker 3>And this and that, and I almost feel like she
<v Speaker 3>was like pushing my boundaries a little bit. She's like,
<v Speaker 3>so you're cool with us doing like a JI together, right,
<v Speaker 3>I'm like no, and she's like, well, we'll see on
<v Speaker 3>the day.
<v Speaker 2>On stet.
<v Speaker 3>Oh my god is a total role reverse right right,
<v Speaker 3>and nobody can out dirty talk Cherie Deville Like that's impossible.
<v Speaker 3>So that feels very intimidating to me as well. Yeah,
<v Speaker 3>so maybe I get to play a little bit of
<v Speaker 3>like the subspace. You can just go into that line.
<v Speaker 3>I think we're going to do a dynamic where she's
<v Speaker 3>like the stronger one and I'm the more like innocent Like,
<v Speaker 3>oh goodness, yeah.
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. We'll see how it goes. This is
<v Speaker 2>going to be great. Everyone's going to tune in for sure.
<v Speaker 2>It'll be fun.
<v Speaker 3>I love her so much and you know, I trust
<v Speaker 3>her obviously, but uh yeah, it's just something I've never
<v Speaker 3>done before. So it's very exciting.
<v Speaker 2>It is. I'm also like totally nervous. Yeah, nervous, just
<v Speaker 2>that you'll feel uncomfortable. What do you think you're nervous about?
<v Speaker 3>I think that and again like it's again, it's like
<v Speaker 3>that that line. Just nervous about the line what we
<v Speaker 3>feel like I've always like so adamantly put myself in
<v Speaker 3>the space where I'm on this side of the camera
<v Speaker 3>and you were on that side of the camera, and
<v Speaker 3>like the two shall not meet, and that's happening now.
<v Speaker 2>You know, you have a story if I remember about
<v Speaker 2>being a kid, like as a child, like you'd never
<v Speaker 2>felt sexy.
<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, no, yeah, no, I was not popular in
<v Speaker 3>school at all, and I was so I humble brag here.
<v Speaker 3>I skipped first grade right right, And I was already
<v Speaker 3>young for my grade because my birthday September. You know this,
<v Speaker 3>we have the same birthday for those of you who
<v Speaker 3>don't know. Yes, yes, so I was young already, right,
<v Speaker 3>and so like I was really young. Now I'm like
<v Speaker 3>almost like a year and a half younger than which
<v Speaker 3>is people big, big difference, right.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.
<v Speaker 3>So I always felt, you know, out of place at school.
<v Speaker 3>I always felt, you know, I was emotionally less mature
<v Speaker 3>than other kids, and so that was that was kind
<v Speaker 3>of hard. I also just have like an over were
<v Speaker 3>all sort of hard time like connecting I think with
<v Speaker 3>people in general anyways. But yeah, no, I you know,
<v Speaker 3>I didn't know how to dress. I had like an
<v Speaker 3>overbite and buck teeth. I did not know what to
<v Speaker 3>do with my hair. My hair was my hair is
<v Speaker 3>hard to deal with. I don't always have Ricardo, But yeah,
<v Speaker 3>so I always looked like you know, I didn't. I
<v Speaker 3>looked nerdy and like stupid, and boys did not like
<v Speaker 3>me and I definitely did not feel sexy.
<v Speaker 2>And did you would you have crushes on kids when
<v Speaker 2>you're like boys when you were Yeah, yeah, crush hard,
<v Speaker 2>but then they never were interested.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean yeah, there was tons of unrequited crushes.
<v Speaker 3>Like I think I've told this story of the Valentine's
<v Speaker 3>Story with my dad.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's a great story that you should definitely tell
<v Speaker 2>it for people.
<v Speaker 3>That's gonna make me cry.
<v Speaker 2>Oh, I have tissues over here.
<v Speaker 3>Ricardo said, it's waterproof messcare.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so we're about to find out.
<v Speaker 3>We'll see.
<v Speaker 2>So.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so there was this boy named Francisco in school
<v Speaker 3>that I had a big crush on, and it was
<v Speaker 3>Valentine's Day and we all made our own like personal
<v Speaker 3>Valentine's Day mailboxes, like at a cardboard that we would
<v Speaker 3>take to the edge of our desks. It's so funny
<v Speaker 3>because I think about the way that like teachers treated
<v Speaker 3>kids back then and the way we do it now,
<v Speaker 3>Like how we know so much more about mental health
<v Speaker 3>and how to like not make kids feel ostracized and
<v Speaker 3>less than and all that kind of stuff. But you know,
<v Speaker 3>back at mob we didn't know that stuff. So anyways,
<v Speaker 3>we made Valentine's and then it was like, okay, go
<v Speaker 3>and drop the Valentine's off in the mailbox of whoever
<v Speaker 3>you want to give the Valentines too. And I like
<v Speaker 3>didn't get any Valentines. I got like one from the teacher,
<v Speaker 3>and like one from like that kid in class that
<v Speaker 3>just makes the Valentine's for everybody. And I remember him
<v Speaker 3>walking with a Valentine's card towards my desk and by
<v Speaker 3>my desk, and it was one of those moments in
<v Speaker 3>the movies where it's like slow motion. He likes me,
<v Speaker 3>like he's gonna put the Valentin's card in my box,
<v Speaker 3>and he walked past it and put in somebody else's
<v Speaker 3>box and that was like crushing for me.
<v Speaker 2>Baking came home and I.
<v Speaker 3>Cried and I told my dad and I started getting
<v Speaker 3>secret Admira letters after that, and you know, I didn't
<v Speaker 3>know who it was from, and it was they were
<v Speaker 3>just really sweet, like I think you're really beautiful, sorry,
<v Speaker 3>and I like watch you. I think you're really special.
<v Speaker 3>And it was always like who the fuck is writing
<v Speaker 3>me these letters? I mean, but you know, it was
<v Speaker 3>like it meant so much to me. I was like,
<v Speaker 3>there's someone out there the things I'm like special and beautiful.
<v Speaker 3>I'm like I have to send you. Yeah, like there's
<v Speaker 3>some boy out there, you know, And I was like
<v Speaker 3>who is it? But like, oh my god, it was
<v Speaker 3>like this big mystery. And then I found out I
<v Speaker 3>was right.
<v Speaker 2>That Yeah, yeah, he really wanted you to feel special
<v Speaker 2>and know that you were beautiful. Yeah he was a
<v Speaker 2>special guy. Yeah, you have nothing but great things to
<v Speaker 2>say about him.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean I miss him a lot.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.
<v Speaker 3>It's funny, like when I think about my childhood, I
<v Speaker 3>have so many memories with my dad. Now with my
<v Speaker 3>mom necessarily, I mean I love my mom, but like
<v Speaker 3>all of like my my like special childhood memory moments
<v Speaker 3>are with my father.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, where you felt special. I just have these like
<v Speaker 2>beautiful memories. Yeah. I want to talk about dicks or something. Yeah,
<v Speaker 2>let's go to dicks. That's a great pivot down dicks.
<v Speaker 2>Why we say that? Whenever I get said dicks, Well,
<v Speaker 2>I think about sometimes how people see themselves as sexual
<v Speaker 2>beings are not, and it can be so directly related
<v Speaker 2>to like, as we're starting to find crushes, like what
<v Speaker 2>do we think our peers think of us? And we
<v Speaker 2>actually could pivot into dicks from this conversation I'm thinking
<v Speaker 2>not in my head, but I imagine like and for
<v Speaker 2>so many people out there, because very few people were
<v Speaker 2>like the popular kids that were getting attention, like most
<v Speaker 2>people were not. Yeah, and then how do we feel
<v Speaker 2>going forward, Like I don't get to have these things,
<v Speaker 2>Like you're almost telling yourself like I don't get to
<v Speaker 2>be that sexy, beautiful, wanted woman, desired women on camera
<v Speaker 2>because I'm not pretty enough, you know, which, Yeah, it's
<v Speaker 2>a shame that we internalize all of these things. And again,
<v Speaker 2>I think that's what porn helps us do, is to
<v Speaker 2>like step out and see other ways that people are behaving,
<v Speaker 2>the ways people are doing things. I'm like, you can
<v Speaker 2>do it too, you know.
<v Speaker 3>And the great thing about the porn industry is that,
<v Speaker 3>I mean especially now, but like it's always been like
<v Speaker 3>so inclusive. Yeah, and maybe not even necessarily within like
<v Speaker 3>the mainstream industry, like within the group of people that
<v Speaker 3>maybe like walk the red carpet at the Avian Awards
<v Speaker 3>or whatnot. But especially when the Internet came along and
<v Speaker 3>it opened up, you know, the ability for fans to
<v Speaker 3>look for the thing that they actually want to actually want,
<v Speaker 3>as opposed to like whatever they got in a magazine.
<v Speaker 3>You saw that, Like, people love all different kinds of things,
<v Speaker 3>bodies of all different shapes and sizes, and it didn't
<v Speaker 3>always have to be like this stick thin, like blonde
<v Speaker 3>girl with like big tids, right, you know. And so
<v Speaker 3>I've always felt that, and I always feel like the
<v Speaker 3>porn industry has been like one step ahead of like
<v Speaker 3>mainstream in terms of like being inclusive, you know. Is
<v Speaker 3>we're kind of going down that path of trying to
<v Speaker 3>make everybody feel like they're all worthy human.
<v Speaker 2>Being, right, that there's a place for them, there's a
<v Speaker 2>place for their pleasure that they're Yeah, absolutely, well, I
<v Speaker 2>do think about though. We're going to talk about dicks
<v Speaker 2>for a second, because I think this is important to
<v Speaker 2>talk about. It's like the dicks that we see on porn.
<v Speaker 2>And I can't tell you. I mean, I specialize in
<v Speaker 2>male performance struggles, and so inevitably I end up in
<v Speaker 2>a conversation with pretty much every man about like what
<v Speaker 2>they see on porn and how they feel about themselves,
<v Speaker 2>like that they're not they're not big enough, They're not
<v Speaker 2>gonna be able to do it for their partner. So
<v Speaker 2>if you were to give advice, because I think, truly
<v Speaker 2>you may be one of the best people to be
<v Speaker 2>giving advice to people about sex, what would you say
<v Speaker 2>to someone if they came to you and said, like,
<v Speaker 2>I'm worried I'm not big enough or i feel like i'm.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean, that's such a huge, you know, thing
<v Speaker 3>by or maybe not so huge, sorry, it's a siny thing.
<v Speaker 3>It's just like, you know, it's a thing by by
<v Speaker 3>which a lot of men measure their like masculinity and
<v Speaker 3>their worth right is their their penis size. And obviously,
<v Speaker 3>like the dicks that you see in porn are like exaggerated,
<v Speaker 3>you know, porn is a fantasy. It's sometimes almost a
<v Speaker 3>caricature of people. Like you know, it's like the same
<v Speaker 3>reason that like the guys who play in the NBA
<v Speaker 3>are tall, you know what I mean, and like they
<v Speaker 3>just like it makes them easier for them to shoot
<v Speaker 3>the hoop right, shoot the ball into the hoop. Well,
<v Speaker 3>and porn guys a big dicks because it's easier to
<v Speaker 3>shoot it, Like they think that's.
<v Speaker 2>So important for people to understand.
<v Speaker 3>It's very hot. Yeah, I mean it's very so. I
<v Speaker 3>mean if you're shooting like two bodies together, right and
<v Speaker 3>you need so what porn stars have to do is
<v Speaker 3>they you do something called opening up to camera, and
<v Speaker 3>that's so that you can see the penetration because that's
<v Speaker 3>what people want to see. So you know, we normally
<v Speaker 3>have sex like this right facing like no or like
<v Speaker 3>hip to hip corn stars have to like, oh, like
<v Speaker 3>guys have to kind of have sex sideways, oh, interest,
<v Speaker 3>so that like you can see the penetration.
<v Speaker 2>Wow, And you can't even really see that from I mean,
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to go look next time I'm watching.
<v Speaker 3>Look, you'll if you start to look, you'll see it. Okay,
<v Speaker 3>they open up the camera and they go kind of
<v Speaker 3>sideways and they like pull the girl's butt to the
<v Speaker 3>side and they kind of like fight sideways, right, so
<v Speaker 3>the camera can see so we can see exactly. Now,
<v Speaker 3>if you have a shorter penis, your dick is going
<v Speaker 3>to keep popping out out of the whole while you're
<v Speaker 3>trying to do that. So it literally needs to be
<v Speaker 3>longer so it can go just to go back and forth,
<v Speaker 3>you know, withdraw and insert itself again without popping out,
<v Speaker 3>and that you can kind of bend your tick enough
<v Speaker 3>so that people can see the penetration.
<v Speaker 2>It's not actually that it's necessarily more pleasurable or like
<v Speaker 2>more preferred.
<v Speaker 3>It's just that it's easier to get. It's literally like
<v Speaker 3>it is very hard to shoot a guy with a
<v Speaker 3>smaller penis in porn and get the penetration, especially if
<v Speaker 3>the girl like has a big ass I forget and
<v Speaker 3>you're never getting that forget it. You're never ever going
<v Speaker 3>to get that shot. Like it's not happening. So that's
<v Speaker 3>that's a huge reason why. And then of course, like again,
<v Speaker 3>like porn is a fantasy, we're selling an over inflated
<v Speaker 3>you know, moment of sex to people, and you know,
<v Speaker 3>just like I get enhancements to their bodies because this
<v Speaker 3>is a product that they're selling. It's the same with
<v Speaker 3>the men. So most men do not look like that.
<v Speaker 3>Most men do not have dicks that big. I've had
<v Speaker 3>sex with a lot of men, and like maybe three
<v Speaker 3>of them, not even like two of them had that large,
<v Speaker 3>you know, So and that didn't mean that like I
<v Speaker 3>only had two good experiences. I mean, that's ridiculous. I
<v Speaker 3>asked this question actually of women porn stars who come
<v Speaker 3>on my show all the time, because obviously, like they
<v Speaker 3>have sex with these large penis rights constantly, and you know,
<v Speaker 3>almost all of them say that they prefer a more
<v Speaker 3>average size because the amazing there it is. However, porn
<v Speaker 3>star's average size is not necessarily the average, Like the
<v Speaker 3>average male penis size is what five and a half inches?
<v Speaker 2>Is that, right, I don't actually even know.
<v Speaker 3>I think I think it is. I think it is,
<v Speaker 3>and I think most porn stars think seven.
<v Speaker 2>It is average. So interesting, But I think people who
<v Speaker 2>gravitate to porn like a lot of sex and probably
<v Speaker 2>more categorized into that like size queen category where they
<v Speaker 2>want to be filled up. They really enjoy that. We're
<v Speaker 2>not every woman is going to like intimacy penetration to
<v Speaker 2>have that really big filled up feeling. Some are, absolutely,
<v Speaker 2>but there's a lot of people who are not, Like
<v Speaker 2>they don't actually.
<v Speaker 3>Care and like having sex with a really large penis
<v Speaker 3>on a consistent basis. You know, we talk about like
<v Speaker 3>vacation dick and boys, right, dick like that painful?
<v Speaker 2>Right? Yeah, And there's like we pull out the Enjoy
<v Speaker 2>eleven and we use it, but then we have like
<v Speaker 2>sex after, which is like, you know, because for people
<v Speaker 2>don't know what the enjoy leven it is is like
<v Speaker 2>this gin you know, the enjoy life. Yes, yeah, it
<v Speaker 2>was ginormous. Still though it's like so huge, right, but
<v Speaker 2>it's like if you use that a little bit oftentimes
<v Speaker 2>it's like, well, at least for me, I'm like okay,
<v Speaker 2>like a couple of minutes and I'm good, like go
<v Speaker 2>back to you know, regular.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. And I think also too, so many men think
<v Speaker 3>that sex is about penetration, and it's not just about penetration.
<v Speaker 2>Tell us, and I tell us more, I tell us everything.
<v Speaker 3>Well, I mean women in general, I find, you know,
<v Speaker 3>for play is really important to us, right because there's
<v Speaker 3>a lot of there's a lot of like mental excitement
<v Speaker 3>that goes into having sex. I think, honestly, that's why
<v Speaker 3>I enjoyed being in that BDSM relationship with that guy
<v Speaker 3>for a period of time, because there was a lot
<v Speaker 3>of like play, you know, like mental play, and like
<v Speaker 3>I remember, you know, one of the things that like
<v Speaker 3>I found so hot was he used to like tie
<v Speaker 3>my hands up to this strap that came down from
<v Speaker 3>the ceiling and he just leave me standing there naked,
<v Speaker 3>tiede and he just sit there and soak a cigarette
<v Speaker 3>and like look at me, you know what I mean,
<v Speaker 3>and just like it. And it felt very like like
<v Speaker 3>this thing on display and he's just time and you know,
<v Speaker 3>the anticipation is.
<v Speaker 2>Building, objectifying you in a connected objectified yes, like he
<v Speaker 2>was probably looking at your eyes and looking at your
<v Speaker 2>body and he was checking in with you, right, all, yes,
<v Speaker 2>it's consensual.
<v Speaker 3>Yes, right. He was actually the first person that I
<v Speaker 3>ever met that presented a boundary list, a boundary checklist.
<v Speaker 3>I had never seen one before. This is before we
<v Speaker 3>started doing it. And in like the Vanila porn, it's
<v Speaker 3>always existed. In like kinkporn, like kink dot com has
<v Speaker 3>been doing this forever, so any like extreme fetish porn,
<v Speaker 3>if they were above board, they had these checklists because
<v Speaker 3>when you're bound and gagged and you are not happy,
<v Speaker 3>you need to like be able to express that, right,
<v Speaker 3>So like they have to do a lot of they
<v Speaker 3>have to be really careful. But in you know, in
<v Speaker 3>regular porn, we just never really thought about that until
<v Speaker 3>like the Me Too movement, and then we were like oh,
<v Speaker 3>maybe probably it might be a good idea. But yeah,
<v Speaker 3>he was the first person that ever present. He remember
<v Speaker 3>he gave me like a boundary checklist and you actually
<v Speaker 3>filled it out, Like no, because I thought it was
<v Speaker 3>so weird. You were like, why are you giving this
<v Speaker 3>to me? I was so I was first of all
<v Speaker 3>taken by surprise, but I also feel like I was
<v Speaker 3>uncomfortable because he was asking for a level of communication
<v Speaker 3>that I had never been asked before, and I think
<v Speaker 3>it made me think about things that I had never
<v Speaker 3>thought about before. And I think back then like I
<v Speaker 3>don't know, I wasn't like ready to communicate on that level.
<v Speaker 2>Did you know what most of the stuff was because
<v Speaker 2>you had already been in like the adult industry area.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I think there was probably some stuff in there
<v Speaker 3>that I that I didn't know. I can't remember off
<v Speaker 3>the top of my head, but there probably was, because
<v Speaker 3>there's some pretty specific fetish to right right right unless
<v Speaker 3>you work in that great industry.
<v Speaker 1>No.
<v Speaker 2>I remember when I went to see a pro dom
<v Speaker 2>and I got a list like that, and I was like,
<v Speaker 2>I don't I had to. I was like researching half
<v Speaker 2>of the terms. Yeah, I've been working in the you know,
<v Speaker 2>a sex therapist, for I think at that point it
<v Speaker 2>was like twelve years.
<v Speaker 3>And I'm like, but I don't even know what these
<v Speaker 3>these things are. Yeah, then yeah, I was just so
<v Speaker 3>I think like that whole mental you know, that like
<v Speaker 3>those mental games that we used.
<v Speaker 2>To play, and that's you know, so that's what you're
<v Speaker 2>also considering for play, which I think is really important
<v Speaker 2>for people to know. It's not just outer course, not
<v Speaker 2>just fingering and kissing and boob sucking, like it's it's
<v Speaker 2>more than that.
<v Speaker 3>So could you feeling wanted, feeling like very keenly desired,
<v Speaker 3>the anticipation of the event, Like if you see any
<v Speaker 3>of these movies that are mostly focused on like a female,
<v Speaker 3>it's pleasure like point of view. There's almost always this
<v Speaker 3>build up from the man until the event. Like they
<v Speaker 3>don't generally just like whip their dick out, throw some
<v Speaker 3>spit on, just stick at it and everyone's happy. You know,
<v Speaker 3>there's like a whole thing that that leads up to it.
<v Speaker 3>And I think that that's what women really enjoy, and
<v Speaker 3>I think that men lose sight of that, probably because
<v Speaker 3>there's no sex education. We don't talk about this kind
<v Speaker 3>of stuff, and people just watch you know, a quick
<v Speaker 3>step brother stuck in the dryer clip on porn up
<v Speaker 3>and they're like, that's what sex should be, and it's like, yeah, right,
<v Speaker 3>it's not. Actually like porn is generally created let's let's
<v Speaker 3>be real porn for the most part, not allborn is
<v Speaker 3>generally created for the male gaze, right, And most guys
<v Speaker 3>are like, who has time to masturbate for like forty
<v Speaker 3>five minutes? I mean, there's gooning, and that's a whole
<v Speaker 3>other thing, but generally you want to like kind of
<v Speaker 3>get in and out, So there's not necessarily going to
<v Speaker 3>be like such a strong, like a long build up,
<v Speaker 3>like a storyline like that kind of stuff. Like there's
<v Speaker 3>the things that guys like, they collect the data, they
<v Speaker 3>know that they reproduce that. So don't get your sex
<v Speaker 3>education from porn, right, which I think is so.
<v Speaker 2>Important to be talking about as a woman that works
<v Speaker 2>in the industry or anybody who works in the industry,
<v Speaker 2>because I think that is where a lot of people
<v Speaker 2>are getting all of their information from, especially at a
<v Speaker 2>very very young age, and then there's nowhere for anybody
<v Speaker 2>to go because there is no actual real education around
<v Speaker 2>like what is pleasure it's like zero education on that,
<v Speaker 2>which is just such a shame I think. And I
<v Speaker 2>think what also happens for a lot of men is
<v Speaker 2>like when you actually start to talk to them about
<v Speaker 2>their pleasure, they don't always even really know where it
<v Speaker 2>is because they've been so conditioned to coming so quickly, like, oh,
<v Speaker 2>I just pull up porn, I jack off to ejaculate.
<v Speaker 2>That's why I'm here. I'm here to just ejaculate. They're
<v Speaker 2>not actually there to enjoy the whole experience. And so
<v Speaker 2>I think a lot of times too, when women come
<v Speaker 2>in and say, hey, babe, like I want to slow
<v Speaker 2>this down. I want you to seduce me, I want
<v Speaker 2>you to objectify me, I want you to show me.
<v Speaker 2>I was saying, men don't even know where to go
<v Speaker 2>with that because they themselves have never explored like if
<v Speaker 2>I was to slow it down and to let sex
<v Speaker 2>be more of a part of my life, what would
<v Speaker 2>I want, Like if I was to backway and say like, yeah, yeah,
<v Speaker 2>the orgasm is there, that's great.
<v Speaker 3>Sure, that's a part of it, but it's just like
<v Speaker 3>the orgasm.
<v Speaker 2>Is the end of the song. It's the journey, not
<v Speaker 2>the destination, right, And for some people that orgasm is
<v Speaker 2>so so so critically important to their erotic life. And
<v Speaker 2>for other people, like they don't even care. Yeah, people
<v Speaker 2>are like, I don't need to come, It's no big deal, right, Yeah.
<v Speaker 3>And sex is such a it's so interesting to see too,
<v Speaker 3>you know, with the way that all the different fetishes
<v Speaker 3>that people have and all the different ways that people
<v Speaker 3>explore sex, and it's that's one of the most fascinating
<v Speaker 3>things about my job. Yes, well, that's my question to
<v Speaker 3>you is what do you think turns people on? They're everything.
<v Speaker 3>There's literally like nothing out there that like I have
<v Speaker 3>not like seen or heard like somebody being into amazing.
<v Speaker 3>I mean, okay, let's also clarify it should be legal
<v Speaker 3>and consensual and all that kind of stuff, right, But yeah,
<v Speaker 3>I mean there's there's one of my favorite things used
<v Speaker 3>to be is I used to go to Clips for Sale,
<v Speaker 3>which is like a very back in its day, it
<v Speaker 3>was like the only clips store that people use. I
<v Speaker 3>could never figure it out. It was always so complicated
<v Speaker 3>for me. But if you were like heavy into fetish
<v Speaker 3>and yeah, I don't even what is clips first Sale?
<v Speaker 2>A website?
<v Speaker 3>Okay, is a website? Okay, But like back in like
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, like twenty years ago, it was like
<v Speaker 3>that's where like you could find all your fetish got stuff,
<v Speaker 3>that's where you went. Yeah, and it was huge. I
<v Speaker 3>think it's still like pretty big, but back in the day,
<v Speaker 3>it was like that was the place, the place. So
<v Speaker 3>you just go and you look at the categories there
<v Speaker 3>and it's there's like there's like hair washing, there's you know,
<v Speaker 3>but balloon popping, my favorite, the pie in the face.
<v Speaker 3>I mean, just like anything that you can possibly think
<v Speaker 3>of like was there. And it's just so interesting, like
<v Speaker 3>all these different things that.
<v Speaker 2>Turn people on. I know, it's amazing. It's a spectrum.
<v Speaker 2>It is definitely a spectrum for sure. Yeah, so that
<v Speaker 2>may be potentially more difficult question for you. You have
<v Speaker 2>very very little criticism of your Let's just go with
<v Speaker 2>your mom right now. Everyone has wonderful things to say
<v Speaker 2>about her. She did it well. She lifted women up
<v Speaker 2>in a way that I think a lot of women needed, Yeah,
<v Speaker 2>which was rare in that time, and she was in
<v Speaker 2>an industry that was predominantly male dominated. I'm curious, like,
<v Speaker 2>do you have any criticisms like of her that.
<v Speaker 3>You How long do we have I don't know.
<v Speaker 2>You tell me.
<v Speaker 3>I mean, look, okay, So first of all, I will
<v Speaker 3>say that she is the reason that I'm in the
<v Speaker 3>place that I'm in today. Like let's be real, like
<v Speaker 3>I wrote in to the industry on her coattails, like
<v Speaker 3>I would not be where I am today if it
<v Speaker 3>wasn't for Susan Randall.
<v Speaker 2>Like that's no joke.
<v Speaker 3>So you know, she really, you know, helped. She taught
<v Speaker 3>me everything that I knew. Maybe not lighting and stuff
<v Speaker 3>because she doesn't know how to operate that specif, but
<v Speaker 3>she knew what she wanted. Posing was a big part
<v Speaker 3>of it. I learned like all of my posing, my
<v Speaker 3>cropping from her. How to treat models, you know, really
<v Speaker 3>important that girls always felt safe and sexy and cared for.
<v Speaker 3>Like it shocked me that there were photographers out there
<v Speaker 3>that would like make girls cry on a regular basis,
<v Speaker 3>And that was like, okay, how could you get I
<v Speaker 3>don't know, because it's just like I mean, my mom
<v Speaker 3>used to always say, and she was so right. She's like,
<v Speaker 3>your only your pictures are only as good as your
<v Speaker 3>model feels. And that's true. Like if you make a
<v Speaker 3>girl feel like shit, like you're not gonna get the
<v Speaker 3>end product. That you want. So if she shows up late,
<v Speaker 3>if she's a pain in the ass, he's still nice to.
<v Speaker 4>You.
<v Speaker 3>Don't hear her again? Would you still going to be nice? Right?
<v Speaker 3>You try and get the best version of yeah, Because
<v Speaker 3>if I like take her into the corner and I
<v Speaker 3>yell at her, you're like, what the fuck am I
<v Speaker 3>going getting nothing out of the day? I may as
<v Speaker 3>well to send her home. And I've actually found that
<v Speaker 3>often girls who were I was told were divas difficult
<v Speaker 3>by other people, were actually fine with me because I
<v Speaker 3>treated them with respect, respecting them, and I gave them
<v Speaker 3>the things that they needed, and I communicated with them
<v Speaker 3>and I checked in with them, which is something that
<v Speaker 3>they didn't get from other people.
<v Speaker 2>You're just such a badass, Holly's way, just a badass.
<v Speaker 2>I'm just kidding.
<v Speaker 3>So, yeah, those are like some really important things that
<v Speaker 3>she taught me. And you know, kind of coming up
<v Speaker 3>in the porn industry, I came up and you know
<v Speaker 3>what I call like the Sue's bubble, right like we
<v Speaker 3>had a very controlled set, only worked with you know,
<v Speaker 3>her crew members, and never really deviated from that when
<v Speaker 3>I started branching out of my own because once like
<v Speaker 3>the Internet came along and videos started to really become
<v Speaker 3>streaming started to become like a big thing. My mom
<v Speaker 3>just did not want to shoot video because she was
<v Speaker 3>a photographer. She didn't want to go there. I saw
<v Speaker 3>where the future was, she didn't want to go there.
<v Speaker 3>So I started fighting with her and I went off
<v Speaker 3>on my own and I started like shooting for Adam
<v Speaker 3>Neve was the first company that I shot for on
<v Speaker 3>my own, and then Twisty's actually, and then I started
<v Speaker 3>to kind of like see how other sets worked. But
<v Speaker 3>I definitely was like very protected in the beginning.
<v Speaker 2>So all these stories that you know, when people probably
<v Speaker 2>weren't going to fuck with you because they knew your
<v Speaker 2>mom right right, and your mom is this bulldog yees
<v Speaker 2>come after you, Yes, suck with me.
<v Speaker 3>I mean there are performers to this day that like
<v Speaker 3>people are afraid of who treat me very well because
<v Speaker 3>of like who my mom was. Like I don't I
<v Speaker 3>know that, Like I don't take that for granted, yeah,
<v Speaker 3>but I will say that, like one of the things
<v Speaker 3>that I struggled with when I was kind of like
<v Speaker 3>coming into my own and coming up in the industry
<v Speaker 3>was she started to get like kind of competitive with me.
<v Speaker 3>Oh interesting, She felt strange to me, right, yeah, because
<v Speaker 3>I was like, I'm your daughter, Like why are you
<v Speaker 3>my success is our success?
<v Speaker 2>Right?
<v Speaker 3>Like how why are you like becoming like jealous of me?
<v Speaker 3>And like why are you like becoming competitive with me?
<v Speaker 3>And it got like it got you know, difficult, and
<v Speaker 3>I would like talk to my dad about it, and
<v Speaker 3>I mean and it wasn't until I think, really like
<v Speaker 3>in the last ten years or something, that I started
<v Speaker 3>to see like where she was, because she was like
<v Speaker 3>coming to the end of her career, right, and she
<v Speaker 3>had always her identity was like being Sue's randall right,
<v Speaker 3>and that was like her personality and everything about her
<v Speaker 3>was built around that. And I think like with the
<v Speaker 3>way that like technology was advancing and the way the
<v Speaker 3>adult industry was changing, and she wasn't moving along with that,
<v Speaker 3>and she was starting to feel like left behind. Like
<v Speaker 3>that's a really hard thing, right, And I don't think
<v Speaker 3>I understood or appreciated that at the time, because I
<v Speaker 3>was young and I just wanted to be successful and
<v Speaker 3>I was just like I wasn't like thinking about things
<v Speaker 3>from her perspective, and I was just thinking about myself
<v Speaker 3>and like how could I be successful and how could
<v Speaker 3>I get out from under her shadow, which i'd always
<v Speaker 3>been so so yeah, I think I was really inconsiderate
<v Speaker 3>of what she was going through at the time.
<v Speaker 2>Where you guys like actually spark like would you yeah, oh.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And then like I really branched off and started
<v Speaker 3>just doing my own thing, and then she you know,
<v Speaker 3>pretty much ended up retiring and now she's like so
<v Speaker 3>proud of me, you know, like everything that I do,
<v Speaker 3>like she's so proud of me, and that that isn't
<v Speaker 3>there anymore. But I think I really didn't appreciate how
<v Speaker 3>hard it is to like once you start to lose
<v Speaker 3>that part of your life and like who are you
<v Speaker 3>right if your whole identity has been wrapped around like
<v Speaker 3>I am this character, I am this photographer, I do
<v Speaker 3>these things, and then the industry moves on without you.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you're like it's and it's fun to see
<v Speaker 2>your daughter like thriving in it at the same time.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I think I just wasn't kind or considerate
<v Speaker 3>of her feelings. So that's that's definitely like on me,
<v Speaker 3>And it's it's actually kind of sad now because it
<v Speaker 3>used to be that I was Susan Randall's daughter, and
<v Speaker 3>that's all anybody knew me as right, And I wasn't
<v Speaker 3>like my own person, and people were always comparing me
<v Speaker 3>to her. And now like people don't even know who
<v Speaker 3>she is anymore. Like a lot of the younger girls
<v Speaker 3>are like, who's Susan Randall? But they know who I am?
<v Speaker 3>And that's like that actually kind of like makes me sad,
<v Speaker 3>you know, because she really was like somebody who came
<v Speaker 3>up in a world where it was really hard for women.
<v Speaker 2>You know, really hard, really really hard.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I had to say, you know, I look
<v Speaker 3>my mom, and anybody who's worked with my mom will say, like,
<v Speaker 3>my mom can be a bully, like she can she
<v Speaker 3>can be not nice. She always wants to be the
<v Speaker 3>one in power and like, you know, the center of
<v Speaker 3>attention and like that kind of thing. She like that
<v Speaker 3>just at work, or she liked that at home. She's
<v Speaker 3>like that just in general. And I remember complaining about that,
<v Speaker 3>I think, to like Andrew Richardson of Richardson Magazine, and
<v Speaker 3>he said saying to me that, like I really like
<v Speaker 3>never forgotten. He goes, yeah, but you don't understand the
<v Speaker 3>world and which your mother came up in Like you
<v Speaker 3>have no idea what that was, like, like the misogyny
<v Speaker 3>in that world, the way that like women were not
<v Speaker 3>allowed into this boy's club, and your mom had to
<v Speaker 3>navigate that, and she had to become like this person
<v Speaker 3>like almost like this, you know, this bully person, this
<v Speaker 3>this strong woman who could just like bulldoze her way
<v Speaker 3>through like the Hugh Hefners and the Larry Flints and
<v Speaker 3>the Bob Guccioni's of the world, you know, And she
<v Speaker 3>had to create like these walls and this persona and
<v Speaker 3>you know, like that's just who she is. But like
<v Speaker 3>look at what she accomplished with that. And I was like, I,
<v Speaker 3>you know, accomplished and changed.
<v Speaker 2>I mean, she changed the industry because she was there
<v Speaker 2>and able to like prop respect women in the way
<v Speaker 2>that they deserve to be respected where it wasn't happening before.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I think I and I just when he
<v Speaker 3>said that, I was, you know, I didn't think about that,
<v Speaker 3>Like I didn't appreciate it, Like I didn't think about
<v Speaker 3>how hard it was for her back then, and how
<v Speaker 3>like brave she was right, you know, to like you know,
<v Speaker 3>to tell Larry Flint to like go fuck himself. Like
<v Speaker 3>everyone's scared of Larry Flint. She was the only person
<v Speaker 3>like who was not. So it gave me like a
<v Speaker 3>new found respect for her. You know, I think it's
<v Speaker 3>always the way, right when you get older, you suddenly
<v Speaker 3>start to backing. You're like, that makes sense your mom
<v Speaker 3>in a different light, You're like, oh, the talent was
<v Speaker 3>actually hard. All of this was hard, and you did
<v Speaker 3>the best that you could with what you were given, right,
<v Speaker 3>and you had things a lot harder than I did. So,
<v Speaker 3>like it definitely gave me like a new found respect
<v Speaker 3>for her.
<v Speaker 2>Right. Well, I know we're both moms, which we haven't
<v Speaker 2>even touched on in the whole over hour that we've
<v Speaker 2>been talking about, but I think about that often. People
<v Speaker 2>say that when you have children you realize like how
<v Speaker 2>hard it is. And we're both You have a five
<v Speaker 2>year old, I have a four and a half year old,
<v Speaker 2>and we are in the muck of it. Yeah, screaming
<v Speaker 2>bloody murder. The other morning, I wanted to dance to
<v Speaker 2>a song and my son was just screaming buddy murder
<v Speaker 2>at me, and I was like, oh God, how do
<v Speaker 2>any parents, not only my mother, but like all of
<v Speaker 2>us make it through? You know, it suddenly opens the
<v Speaker 2>world up to this space.
<v Speaker 3>Well, and also like they didn't have the knowledge and
<v Speaker 3>the tools and the education that we have now, right.
<v Speaker 3>You know, when I was pregnant, I watched like I
<v Speaker 3>took the Big Little Feelings Workshop, you know what I mean,
<v Speaker 3>Like I read no bad kids, Like I.
<v Speaker 2>All this information that I had to like help me
<v Speaker 2>navigate through developmental leaps and the changes in what they're
<v Speaker 2>going through.
<v Speaker 3>And you bad kids, You then have an app that
<v Speaker 3>can literally tell you your kid is going to be
<v Speaker 3>a shithead this week because they're entering into like this phase. Yeah,
<v Speaker 3>I mean it's crazy, you know. So, like what we
<v Speaker 3>have now to work with is just like so different
<v Speaker 3>than what our parents had.
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely. Yeah, they were just like archaically trying to make
<v Speaker 2>it through and survive. And this society was changing at
<v Speaker 2>the same too, because we were becoming so much more
<v Speaker 2>insular into our homes, not having so much like community
<v Speaker 2>around us. But they, you know, didn't have any of
<v Speaker 2>the tools like we have.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and not to mention the fact that my parents
<v Speaker 3>like moved across the world right here, right, so they
<v Speaker 3>left their family behind and came over there to start
<v Speaker 3>all over again.
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, so like they didn't have that support, right, Yeah, yeah,
<v Speaker 2>so incredible. Well I'm curious, Holly, what brings you joy today?
<v Speaker 2>I think you know what I'm going to say. Let's see.
<v Speaker 3>I mean my daughter, come on, yeah, she is rad
<v Speaker 3>It was her. We just had celebrated her fifth birthday
<v Speaker 3>Chuck E cheese yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know,
<v Speaker 3>she's just like.
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, I just I just watch her sometimes
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, God, she's just like me. You made her.
<v Speaker 2>I know that too.
<v Speaker 3>Like I think about, like, God, I made you and
<v Speaker 3>you like this perfect little, beautiful child, Like how did
<v Speaker 3>I do that?
<v Speaker 2>And I just, you know, I see so much of
<v Speaker 2>myself and her. She's so much like me.
<v Speaker 3>And I see her, you know, dancing and like dressing
<v Speaker 3>up and stuff, and I just like I see myself
<v Speaker 3>and her like at that age. And it makes you,
<v Speaker 3>you know, look back at makes you kind of re
<v Speaker 3>experience like that your childhood again, and you know, gives
<v Speaker 3>you hope for humanity, also fills you with a tremendous
<v Speaker 3>amount of fear because like where the world is going.
<v Speaker 3>Like I remember a friend of mine told me when
<v Speaker 3>I was pregnant. He said, it's going to be the happiest,
<v Speaker 3>the most wonderful experience and also the most terrible, terrifying
<v Speaker 3>experience of all time. You're going to experience the most
<v Speaker 3>intense moments of joy and the most paralyzing moments of fear.
<v Speaker 3>And I was like, yeah, yeah, for the rest of
<v Speaker 3>your life. By the way, it doesn't end when they
<v Speaker 3>turn eighteen.
<v Speaker 2>Did you know you always wanted to be a mother?
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, no I did. I you know, like my
<v Speaker 3>family and I are really close. I'm really close to
<v Speaker 3>my siblings. That was never like a question in my mind.
<v Speaker 3>And actually so I was married before, and I was
<v Speaker 3>very unhappy in the marriage, and I stayed in the
<v Speaker 3>marriage for a while because I thought. That makes me
<v Speaker 3>laugh now, because I was like thirty two and I
<v Speaker 3>was like, I'm too old to thought over right, no
<v Speaker 3>one's gonna love me at thirty two. A lot of
<v Speaker 3>women carry that though, I can't tell you. I mean,
<v Speaker 3>come into my office and they're like they feel desperate. Yeah,
<v Speaker 3>I'm thirty, I haven't found a partner. I really want
<v Speaker 3>a child. What do I do?
<v Speaker 2>Thirty?
<v Speaker 3>Like Jesus, But you know, at the time, like feels
<v Speaker 3>you feel so old, right, and so I stayed because
<v Speaker 3>you know, I thought that I would never find anybody else,
<v Speaker 3>and I really wanted kids, and I knew that he
<v Speaker 3>would be even though like I wasn't and he wasn't
<v Speaker 3>like a bad husband by the way, Like he wasn't
<v Speaker 3>a bad guy at all. I just didn't love him, yeah,
<v Speaker 3>and I couldn't.
<v Speaker 2>I tried to make myself love him, and I couldn't
<v Speaker 2>do it.
<v Speaker 3>And so I just thought like, Okay, well he's gonna
<v Speaker 3>be a good dad, so like we can just have
<v Speaker 3>kids and it's okay, I don't have to love him.
<v Speaker 3>I've never really loved anybody before anyhow, so like, what
<v Speaker 3>is that it spoiled you? It was too perfect. People
<v Speaker 3>like always say like you know, you'll know love when
<v Speaker 3>you see it, and that had never happened to me.
<v Speaker 3>So I was like, maybe it's just like not meant
<v Speaker 3>for me, and we can just have this transactional relationship
<v Speaker 3>where like he can be a good father and I
<v Speaker 3>can work and I'll make all the money and like
<v Speaker 3>that'll be fine. And then you know, obviously we split up.
<v Speaker 3>And it was the moment that I finally came to
<v Speaker 3>terms with like, actually, maybe I could be happy and okay,
<v Speaker 3>spending the rest of my life not ever becoming a
<v Speaker 3>mother and being childless, and I could live a happy
<v Speaker 3>and fulfilling life like that. And when I had that
<v Speaker 3>moment of clarity, that's when I was like, well, then
<v Speaker 3>what the fuck am I doing here? And that's when
<v Speaker 3>I was able to finally walk away, leave the relationship.
<v Speaker 3>And then I met my husband, and then it was like,
<v Speaker 3>you know, the first man like i'd ever like truly
<v Speaker 3>fallen in love with. And we've been together for almost
<v Speaker 3>ten years and I still feel like the same way,
<v Speaker 3>which is crazy to me. I get bored of guys
<v Speaker 3>in like a year, but that hasn't happened with him.
<v Speaker 3>And then I started to feel like, okay, you know,
<v Speaker 3>maybe I maybe I want a kid again.
<v Speaker 2>Maybe it could happen. But at that point I was
<v Speaker 2>in the late thirties. Yeah, and you were like, okay, no,
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to have a kid. I'm okay with that.
<v Speaker 2>But then it came back once you met the person.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. And the thing is is that and he's actually
<v Speaker 3>a little bit younger than me. He's like two and
<v Speaker 3>a half years younger than me, and he definitely wanted kids,
<v Speaker 3>but He knew that I was older and that there
<v Speaker 3>was a possibility that I wouldn't be able to have kids,
<v Speaker 3>and so when I would ask him about whether or
<v Speaker 3>not he wanted children, he would never actually really give
<v Speaker 3>me a straight answer, and he would say like, well,
<v Speaker 3>I love our life together as it is, babe, and like,
<v Speaker 3>sure it would be great, but if we don't, like
<v Speaker 3>we'll have a wonderful life together. I love you, and
<v Speaker 3>it was He's like, I'm staying for you, and if
<v Speaker 3>we happen to have a kid, great, right, And like,
<v Speaker 3>you know, that's another moment when I realized which a
<v Speaker 3>great man he was, because like, yes, he wanted kids,
<v Speaker 3>but he didn't want to put pressure on me to
<v Speaker 3>feel like I had to have a child to make
<v Speaker 3>him love me, you know, like he he did not ever.
<v Speaker 3>I knew that he did, but he never admitted to
<v Speaker 3>it because he never wanted to will admit to it, Yes,
<v Speaker 3>will now we have a kid? He was like yeah, no, yeah,
<v Speaker 3>I couldn't have seen our life without it, like this
<v Speaker 3>is our family. But he didn't he knew like how
<v Speaker 3>devastated I would feel. And as a woman, like you
<v Speaker 3>feel like you know, society makes you feel especially if
<v Speaker 3>you want kids. If you want kids and you can't
<v Speaker 3>have them, and it makes you feel like you know
<v Speaker 3>a certain way about yourself if you can't have children.
<v Speaker 3>And I think he didn't want to put that on me,
<v Speaker 3>so he never, you know, kind of pushed that. So
<v Speaker 3>then when I got pregnant at forty, that was like
<v Speaker 3>a really insane magical moment. Yeah, yeah, it was all
<v Speaker 3>meant to be. Yeah, if you.
<v Speaker 2>Could have been anything else other than what you are,
<v Speaker 2>what would you have done? Like would you be stay
<v Speaker 2>at home mom?
<v Speaker 3>Would you know? Okay, so God's out greenso okay, okay,
<v Speaker 3>so no there, but like what would you what would
<v Speaker 3>you have done? I mean the other thing I was
<v Speaker 3>studying to be was a teacher. Okay, I thought, I,
<v Speaker 3>you know, I'll be an English teacher. That was my
<v Speaker 3>major college and I like teaching and I love literature,
<v Speaker 3>and so yeah, I was like college professor. That's probably,
<v Speaker 3>honestly what I would be doing. Could you see yourself
<v Speaker 3>doing that? Or yeah?
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, okay, okay, for all the people who have those
<v Speaker 2>naughty teacher fantasies, yes I.
<v Speaker 1>Do have it.
<v Speaker 3>I have a few sets like that because people do
<v Speaker 3>really like that. Yeah, they do for sure. People really
<v Speaker 3>like that.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, the power. I mean, we all spend so much
<v Speaker 2>time in school. I mean, at some point I think
<v Speaker 2>we all have somewhere inside of us a teacher that
<v Speaker 2>we had a crush on.
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.
<v Speaker 2>So my final question for you is what is your
<v Speaker 2>wish for the adult industry and for all the people
<v Speaker 2>who work in it.
<v Speaker 3>Honestly, my wish is that being in the adult industry
<v Speaker 3>and choosing this life doesn't affect you in a negative
<v Speaker 3>way for the rest of your life.
<v Speaker 2>That's what I wish. The stigma.
<v Speaker 3>I wish the stigma would go away, because you know,
<v Speaker 3>some people come into the adult industry thinking that's what
<v Speaker 3>they want and it's not what they want. Yeah, it's
<v Speaker 3>not the life for them, which is fine, and then
<v Speaker 3>they try to move on, they try to do something
<v Speaker 3>else with their life and they're blocked from it.
<v Speaker 2>Right, maybe like a lawyer or a person trying to
<v Speaker 2>be a lawyer. They go to law school and they're like, Aah,
<v Speaker 2>turns out I don't want to be a lawyer. Yeah, exactly,
<v Speaker 2>you can easily.
<v Speaker 3>No one's ever going to be like you can have
<v Speaker 3>this job because you went to law school, right, you know,
<v Speaker 3>And I just you know, that just makes me sad.
<v Speaker 3>And also like, you know, the stigma that I see
<v Speaker 3>with you know, people want to start families. One of
<v Speaker 3>the saddest things I won't say her name, but very
<v Speaker 3>very famous porn star who has a kid, was telling
<v Speaker 3>me about how she doesn't go to any of her
<v Speaker 3>like school activities like recitals and stuff like that because
<v Speaker 3>she doesn't want people to see her and associate her
<v Speaker 3>with her child, because she doesn't want to put that
<v Speaker 3>stigma onto her child and she wants her child to
<v Speaker 3>have a normal life and not be associated with her.
<v Speaker 3>And that broke my whole heart because like you can't
<v Speaker 3>go and like watch your parent do a parent things,
<v Speaker 3>do a parent thing, be in like do a ballet recital,
<v Speaker 3>like anything like that.
<v Speaker 2>Like and I was just like, yeah, it's heartbreaking. That
<v Speaker 2>kills me.
<v Speaker 3>And you know even for me now, like my daughter's
<v Speaker 3>in a public school now and you know, they're constantly
<v Speaker 3>like going for like parent volunteers and I'm like, have
<v Speaker 3>you done it yet, No, because I'm afraid. I'm afraid
<v Speaker 3>that if I do it. Like first of all, they
<v Speaker 3>do background checks now, which I don't think is a
<v Speaker 3>bad thing. Yeah, right, but they do a background check
<v Speaker 3>on me, They're gonna know what I do.
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know. And I just feel like, when you playdates,
<v Speaker 2>do you disclose? Like no, okay, so do you like
<v Speaker 2>if you're out of play dates? I don't know if
<v Speaker 2>they know, you don't know. I don't know.
<v Speaker 3>Okay, we'll find out. I feel like from the might,
<v Speaker 3>but no one's ever brought it up to me. Yeah,
<v Speaker 3>so what do you guys talk about kids?
<v Speaker 2>Kids?
<v Speaker 3>Yeah?
<v Speaker 2>I did it? Silly? I should I go to those
<v Speaker 2>play dates? You just talk about kids.
<v Speaker 3>We just talk about it. We don't talk about anything else.
<v Speaker 2>But no one's like, what do you do for work, colleague?
<v Speaker 3>I say, like marketing. Marketing is okay, okay, you just
<v Speaker 3>try to make it like really boring. Yeah, but yeah,
<v Speaker 3>I yeah, I'm afraid to like like there was a
<v Speaker 3>role for like they wanted a photographer, a class photographer. Yeah,
<v Speaker 3>and you know, at first my husband was like, oh,
<v Speaker 3>you should do that. I'm like, I can't, like think
<v Speaker 3>about it.
<v Speaker 2>It sucks.
<v Speaker 3>Right, I'm a great photographer. I'm great with kids. Like,
<v Speaker 3>I'm not weird, I'm not creepy, like I'm a good mother,
<v Speaker 3>Like I'm a regular person. But if I go and
<v Speaker 3>I like take you know what I mean, and like
<v Speaker 3>a mom finds out, I don't even want to invite
<v Speaker 3>that conversation, you know, so I just stay away.
<v Speaker 2>It's really tough. I mean, you know, but we'll have
<v Speaker 2>to come back here in like five years when our
<v Speaker 2>kiddos are a little bit older. Yeah, and maybe at
<v Speaker 2>that point you've had some like on camera experiences. I
<v Speaker 2>don't know. We'll see where your where your world goes,
<v Speaker 2>and we'll revisit all of these topics. Yeah, it'd be
<v Speaker 2>really fun enough. So you can only be interviewed by
<v Speaker 2>someone named Keiley going correctly, That's correct. There's not that
<v Speaker 2>many of us out there, really a very small population.
<v Speaker 2>So well, Holly, this has been amazing. I know everyone
<v Speaker 2>love love love learning about you. Thank you for being
<v Speaker 2>so raw and vulnerable. And I didn't say this before
<v Speaker 2>to Holly, but this is the first time I've ever
<v Speaker 2>hosted a podcast, so.
<v Speaker 3>Yay to me, I was like, oh shit, but.
<v Speaker 2>This was really wonderful and I know everyone's gonna love
<v Speaker 2>learning about it, and personally for me, I just want
<v Speaker 2>to say too, Like a lot of the questions I
<v Speaker 2>asked were because I sit with so many people who
<v Speaker 2>have these questions. I have these questions myself as well,
<v Speaker 2>and about society and the porn industry. So thank you
<v Speaker 2>for answering them. I think it's tremendously helpful. I love
<v Speaker 2>everything that you do. Keep doing it. It's wonderful. So
<v Speaker 2>thank you for being you. Thank you well. Can you
<v Speaker 2>tell everybody where they can find me online? Yes? Yes,
<v Speaker 2>so I think I introduced myself a little bit before,
<v Speaker 2>but I am a sex and relationship coach. I specialize
<v Speaker 2>in male performance struggles, which is how Holly and I met.
<v Speaker 2>Actually when I was pregnant. I wasn't even out of
<v Speaker 2>being pregnant twenty twenty one. I was on the podcast.
<v Speaker 2>You can go back and listen to that. But the
<v Speaker 2>best place to fight me is my website, which is
<v Speaker 2>Keeleankin dot com k E E L E y R
<v Speaker 2>A N k I N and that has everything you
<v Speaker 2>need to find me. And then also I'm on Instagram
<v Speaker 2>which is Keiley Rankin Intimacy Coach, and.
<v Speaker 3>You guys can find me on Instagram on Twitter at
<v Speaker 3>Holly Randall. Go to hollylinks dot com for access to
<v Speaker 3>all of my platforms, and join my Patreon if you
<v Speaker 3>want to support this podcast, and in fact, we're going
<v Speaker 3>to do some Patreon only questions. I think we are
<v Speaker 3>in a separate segment which you would be able to
<v Speaker 3>watch if you were a Patreon member, But if you're not,
<v Speaker 3>then bummer for you. Go to patreon dot com slash
<v Speaker 3>Holly Randall and filter it if you want to change that,
<v Speaker 3>which you should. And uh yeah, thank you so much
<v Speaker 3>for interviewing me, Thank you guys for listening, Thank you
<v Speaker 3>guys
<v Speaker 2>For your support, and we'll see you on the next one.