351 | Ending Well: How to Structure the Final Session in CCPT

0
00:00:00,519 --> 00:00:04,280
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

1
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:08,250
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

2
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:08,720
Hi,

3
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:09,800
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

4
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:10,600
The Kid Counselor.

5
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,680
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,039
a master class in child-centered play therapy

7
00:00:15,239 --> 00:00:17,399
and practical support and application for your

8
00:00:17,399 --> 00:00:18,899
work with children and their families.

9
00:00:19,479 --> 00:00:20,520
In today's episode,

10
00:00:20,670 --> 00:00:22,500
we are talking about

11
00:00:22,639 --> 00:00:23,700
the countdown

12
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,520
and the actual final session with a child.

13
00:00:26,930 --> 00:00:27,670
So last episode,

14
00:00:27,719 --> 00:00:28,739
we talked through

15
00:00:29,489 --> 00:00:33,060
The process of knowing when a child is ready to terminate

16
00:00:33,490 --> 00:00:38,319
and determining criteria for whether or not it makes sense for a child to wrap up.

17
00:00:38,689 --> 00:00:39,470
And so today,

18
00:00:39,590 --> 00:00:40,970
kind of to piggyback on that,

19
00:00:41,090 --> 00:00:44,490
we are going to talk through what the process actually

20
00:00:44,490 --> 00:00:47,869
looks like once you realize the child is ready to terminate

21
00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:52,189
and all other caregivers and stakeholders are in agreement with that decision.

22
00:00:53,279 --> 00:00:54,110
Before I get there though,

23
00:00:54,189 --> 00:00:56,169
I just want to say happy November.

24
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,229
And we are

25
00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,610
fast encroaching on the end of the year.

26
00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:06,040
And there's so much exciting stuff happening in 2026 for us and for CCPT.

27
00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:06,519
So,

28
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,040
I'm very much looking forward to that,

29
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:13,269
but I'm also very much looking forward to having these last final months of 2025.

30
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,480
And for us in the States to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's,

31
00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:19,639
that's just a really special time.

32
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:20,180
And

33
00:01:20,559 --> 00:01:24,459
one of the things that I do in November is to

34
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,730
process the things that I'm thankful for.

35
00:01:27,209 --> 00:01:28,230
And the things

36
00:01:28,430 --> 00:01:32,669
that I'm grateful for and you all are very high on that list.

37
00:01:32,769 --> 00:01:35,269
So I just wanna say how much I appreciate and

38
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:35,970
love y'all.

39
00:01:36,379 --> 00:01:38,050
Thank you for hanging out with me each week.

40
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,849
Thank you for the commitment you have to CCPT.

41
00:01:41,330 --> 00:01:44,330
Thank you for making me and my family feel so loved.

42
00:01:44,610 --> 00:01:46,559
When you send us gifts and,

43
00:01:46,769 --> 00:01:50,389
and message us and call us and email us and do all the things that you do.

44
00:01:51,019 --> 00:01:51,940
It's just,

45
00:01:52,059 --> 00:01:56,639
it's a family and we very much consider all of you to be our family.

46
00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:57,169
And so,

47
00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,940
thank you for your kindness and your support and your

48
00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:02,599
love and just know that I'm very grateful for y'all.

49
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:03,519
OK.

50
00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:04,050
So,

51
00:02:04,059 --> 00:02:05,040
let's talk through

52
00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:06,779
the process.

53
00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:09,119
Once you have met with families

54
00:02:09,339 --> 00:02:10,169
and you've determined,

55
00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:10,460
yes,

56
00:02:10,570 --> 00:02:13,800
we're ready to begin the termination phase,

57
00:02:14,139 --> 00:02:15,940
that means that we start the countdown.

58
00:02:16,610 --> 00:02:18,149
And so as we

59
00:02:18,369 --> 00:02:20,130
tell the child each week after today,

60
00:02:20,210 --> 00:02:21,550
we have this many more times,

61
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,809
we are preparing them for that final session.

62
00:02:25,169 --> 00:02:27,429
That's why I stressed in last week's episode

63
00:02:27,850 --> 00:02:30,509
how important it is to actually have that

64
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:31,860
planned out.

65
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,600
And whether it's weekly,

66
00:02:33,710 --> 00:02:34,679
whether it's biweekly,

67
00:02:34,789 --> 00:02:36,039
whatever that process looks like,

68
00:02:36,229 --> 00:02:37,220
depending on the child.

69
00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:39,029
You want to make sure

70
00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:40,429
that they are

71
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:41,449
adjusting,

72
00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:42,679
they are preparing,

73
00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:44,229
they're processing

74
00:02:44,369 --> 00:02:46,029
the ending of that relationship.

75
00:02:46,130 --> 00:02:47,229
That's a crucial piece.

76
00:02:47,690 --> 00:02:49,490
But one of the things that we talk about is

77
00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:52,009
that we're going to celebrate on the last session.

78
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:52,240
So,

79
00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:54,330
what does that look like practically speaking?

80
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,839
The final session goes largely like any other session,

81
00:02:58,919 --> 00:02:59,820
to be honest with you,

82
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,080
until the last 10 or so minutes.

83
00:03:02,779 --> 00:03:04,820
And in that final 10 minutes,

84
00:03:05,339 --> 00:03:08,100
that is the specific dedicated time

85
00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:10,119
where the child can process

86
00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:14,649
their time with you and celebrate everything that they can remember.

87
00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:17,520
And so the way that we've handled this at the center

88
00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:20,740
is around the 10 minute left mark.

89
00:03:20,979 --> 00:03:21,289
So,

90
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,039
if it's a 50 minute therapeutic hour,

91
00:03:23,179 --> 00:03:24,479
around the 40 minute mark,

92
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:30,220
You give the child an opportunity to talk or process

93
00:03:30,759 --> 00:03:31,779
about what

94
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:32,910
they remember.

95
00:03:33,199 --> 00:03:34,580
So our prompt is

96
00:03:35,570 --> 00:03:37,389
You know this is our final time today,

97
00:03:37,729 --> 00:03:40,190
and we're not going to play with each other anymore for now.

98
00:03:40,490 --> 00:03:42,470
I wonder what the things that you remember

99
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,110
that we've done together.

100
00:03:45,630 --> 00:03:47,750
And the child is going to.

101
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:49,660
Sometimes

102
00:03:50,190 --> 00:03:51,250
share their thoughts.

103
00:03:51,630 --> 00:03:51,990
There is,

104
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:55,210
and actually that actually brings me to a very important point of this.

105
00:03:55,710 --> 00:03:59,139
There is no expectation that a child has to talk to you about it.

106
00:03:59,470 --> 00:04:02,550
You are just opening a door if they need or want to.

107
00:04:03,550 --> 00:04:05,380
And so you're wondering on purpose,

108
00:04:05,839 --> 00:04:06,710
because if you wonder,

109
00:04:06,759 --> 00:04:08,539
it does not require an answer.

110
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,399
And I wonder what you remember that we've done together.

111
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:13,880
They might ignore you,

112
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,039
they may say nothing,

113
00:04:15,119 --> 00:04:16,519
they might shrug their shoulders,

114
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,980
they might have no desire at all.

115
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,298
And that is

116
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:21,600
CCPT.

117
00:04:22,750 --> 00:04:25,880
But what you're doing is giving them an option.

118
00:04:26,649 --> 00:04:29,149
And some kids are going to tell you

119
00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:32,649
everything in chronological order that they've ever done.

120
00:04:33,519 --> 00:04:34,940
And some kids are going to go

121
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:36,519
played.

122
00:04:37,390 --> 00:04:38,980
And then you'll have everything in between.

123
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:44,359
So when you have those extremes and or a child that'll tell you a couple of things,

124
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,640
the goal of that is

125
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,660
you had these shared experiences together.

126
00:04:49,980 --> 00:04:52,640
You have these memories that were made at the same time.

127
00:04:53,779 --> 00:04:57,079
And so as the child brings things from their memories,

128
00:04:57,260 --> 00:04:58,839
it reminds you of them.

129
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:00,920
Then when the child has

130
00:05:01,299 --> 00:05:03,339
seemed to stop sharing their thoughts,

131
00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:05,279
we share ours.

132
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:05,779
Well,

133
00:05:05,859 --> 00:05:06,899
I remember,

134
00:05:07,019 --> 00:05:09,279
and then you share a few things that you remember.

135
00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:13,760
And the easiest one is if you've done house tree person kinetic family drawing,

136
00:05:13,809 --> 00:05:15,570
you can say the very first time you came,

137
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,309
you did 4 drawings with me.

138
00:05:18,459 --> 00:05:20,679
And then what stands out in your mind?

139
00:05:21,899 --> 00:05:23,429
About that child's time with you.

140
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:24,950
In other words,

141
00:05:25,119 --> 00:05:27,739
was this kid the one that came in and

142
00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:30,529
played board games almost every week?

143
00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:33,790
Was this the kid that came in and did tons of art projects?

144
00:05:34,119 --> 00:05:36,500
Was this the kid that came in and

145
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:37,299
used

146
00:05:37,399 --> 00:05:38,299
the target

147
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,010
and shot arrows at the target

148
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,059
many weeks?

149
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:42,839
What's the thing that stands out?

150
00:05:42,959 --> 00:05:44,380
What reminds

151
00:05:44,799 --> 00:05:46,739
you of that child in the playroom?

152
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,299
Share one or two of those things.

153
00:05:49,929 --> 00:05:51,589
And what I have found is,

154
00:05:51,929 --> 00:05:54,799
even for kids that don't say a lot when you first bring it up,

155
00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:57,850
once you start sharing some stories and some memories,

156
00:05:57,959 --> 00:06:00,750
often it triggers some stories and memories for them.

157
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,320
But the intention of this is that you

158
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,820
are walking down your therapeutic journey together.

159
00:06:08,529 --> 00:06:09,869
In your memories

160
00:06:10,209 --> 00:06:12,589
and you are having a collaborative

161
00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:13,809
moment

162
00:06:14,049 --> 00:06:15,690
where you are sharing in.

163
00:06:16,619 --> 00:06:19,000
The celebration of everything that you've done together.

164
00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:21,410
And so

165
00:06:21,670 --> 00:06:24,489
you want to kind of have that opportunity to process

166
00:06:24,869 --> 00:06:25,649
out loud.

167
00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:27,660
The things that

168
00:06:28,019 --> 00:06:29,679
you remember and the child remembers

169
00:06:29,899 --> 00:06:32,380
and usually what happens is when the child says something,

170
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:32,619
you know,

171
00:06:32,730 --> 00:06:33,299
we say like,

172
00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:33,609
oh,

173
00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:34,920
I remember that,

174
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:36,970
and then vice versa when we say something,

175
00:06:37,019 --> 00:06:37,489
the kid goes,

176
00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:38,399
oh yeah,

177
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,220
and it's a walk down memory lane together.

178
00:06:42,019 --> 00:06:43,899
And then once that takes place,

179
00:06:44,299 --> 00:06:45,359
the final thing

180
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,239
that the child needs to hear.

181
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,440
is that they can always come back.

182
00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:50,980
It's never a forever goodbye.

183
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:51,459
Now,

184
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,519
if you are in an environment where

185
00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:54,820
maybe they,

186
00:06:54,940 --> 00:06:55,149
they

187
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:57,660
logistically is not a way for them to come back,

188
00:06:57,739 --> 00:07:00,619
you only get 12 sessions with a kid in a school environment,

189
00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:01,380
for example,

190
00:07:01,779 --> 00:07:02,359
or

191
00:07:02,619 --> 00:07:06,339
they are moving across the country and that's why you're terminating and

192
00:07:06,339 --> 00:07:08,679
you're not going to be able to play with them again.

193
00:07:09,140 --> 00:07:10,660
You can modify that phrase,

194
00:07:10,769 --> 00:07:12,089
but I'll get to that in a second.

195
00:07:12,339 --> 00:07:15,500
So our standard response is it's never a forever goodbye.

196
00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:17,429
You can always come back and see us.

197
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,089
You just need to let mom,

198
00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:19,410
dad,

199
00:07:19,529 --> 00:07:19,929
caregiver,

200
00:07:19,989 --> 00:07:20,910
whomever know

201
00:07:21,209 --> 00:07:22,119
that you want to come back,

202
00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:23,670
even if it's just for one time.

203
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,000
What you're doing is establishing the

204
00:07:28,540 --> 00:07:30,220
consistency of the relationship.

205
00:07:31,730 --> 00:07:34,690
The child needs to know that you are still there.

206
00:07:34,899 --> 00:07:36,799
The relationship persists,

207
00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:40,890
and it's an open door policy that if they ever need or want to come back,

208
00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:41,769
they can.

209
00:07:43,019 --> 00:07:45,399
Kids realize they are happier.

210
00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:47,369
Kids realize they are healthier,

211
00:07:47,619 --> 00:07:49,529
kids realize they are more regulated,

212
00:07:49,779 --> 00:07:52,179
kids realize they have conquered their junk,

213
00:07:52,619 --> 00:07:54,540
and they often attribute it to you.

214
00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:59,760
And what they will learn is they can attribute it to the work that they have done.

215
00:08:00,779 --> 00:08:04,119
But they want the knowledge that they can come back.

216
00:08:04,339 --> 00:08:07,040
And when kids are struggling in the future with something,

217
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:08,529
they will say,

218
00:08:08,619 --> 00:08:10,019
I want to go see Miss Brenna again.

219
00:08:10,059 --> 00:08:11,390
I'm going to talk about that in a second.

220
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:15,880
And so what you're doing is establishing that it's an open door and

221
00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:16,679
they

222
00:08:16,899 --> 00:08:17,720
still have you,

223
00:08:17,739 --> 00:08:19,940
even if they're not going to be actively playing with you.

224
00:08:20,059 --> 00:08:20,209
Now,

225
00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:21,480
in other environments,

226
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:25,679
sometimes it is not feasible or practical to say you can always come back and see me.

227
00:08:26,559 --> 00:08:29,230
So you leave the relationship open in other ways.

228
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,070
You can always write me a letter,

229
00:08:31,279 --> 00:08:32,820
you can always call me,

230
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:34,979
you can always,

231
00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:35,880
what,

232
00:08:35,919 --> 00:08:36,390
however,

233
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,849
whatever channel you would like to provide for them.

234
00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:41,330
You can always reach out to me.

235
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,789
And if you're comfortable with them calling,

236
00:08:45,169 --> 00:08:46,090
then that would be an option,

237
00:08:46,289 --> 00:08:47,690
sending you a letter in the mail,

238
00:08:47,809 --> 00:08:48,830
sending you an email,

239
00:08:49,289 --> 00:08:50,169
whatever that looks like.

240
00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:53,710
You're trying to preserve relationship even across distance.

241
00:08:54,369 --> 00:08:56,650
And you're reassuring the child that

242
00:08:57,130 --> 00:08:59,570
you still care about them and you're still there,

243
00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:01,729
even if they're not going to be playing with you anymore.

244
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:04,640
And so then

245
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:05,989
that has taken place.

246
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,219
The final thing

247
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,869
as you're leaving the playroom,

248
00:09:09,190 --> 00:09:09,940
time is up

249
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:10,679
and you say,

250
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,780
now we have some things that

251
00:09:13,359 --> 00:09:14,580
you get to take home

252
00:09:14,799 --> 00:09:16,919
to celebrate all the time that we've spent together.

253
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:18,809
And then you go out,

254
00:09:18,929 --> 00:09:20,469
you already have stuff prepared.

255
00:09:20,979 --> 00:09:24,349
Our process is we have a certificate already prepared

256
00:09:24,969 --> 00:09:26,109
with the child's name.

257
00:09:26,369 --> 00:09:29,150
It's signed by the therapist and it's dated.

258
00:09:30,119 --> 00:09:31,770
And it's a blank certificate.

259
00:09:31,849 --> 00:09:34,559
This is the challenge to be CCPT adherent,

260
00:09:34,729 --> 00:09:37,229
is finding a certificate that is not

261
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,489
praise laden and value laden,

262
00:09:39,969 --> 00:09:41,750
because every child certificate says,

263
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:42,409
you're awesome,

264
00:09:42,489 --> 00:09:43,250
great job,

265
00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:44,000
whatever.

266
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:45,849
So our certificate,

267
00:09:45,929 --> 00:09:47,489
we buy them on Amazon in bulk.

268
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,260
And it says,

269
00:09:49,479 --> 00:09:51,239
this certificate is awarded to,

270
00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:52,640
we write the child's name,

271
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,099
and then it says for,

272
00:09:54,409 --> 00:09:55,380
and there's a blank line.

273
00:09:56,479 --> 00:09:58,450
So we say working hard and having fun.

274
00:10:00,119 --> 00:10:01,409
And then we sign it and we date it.

275
00:10:01,489 --> 00:10:02,890
That is prepared ahead of time.

276
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,869
The child gets to take that certificate home.

277
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:08,849
And then we give them some things to choose from.

278
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:10,489
For us,

279
00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:13,330
I am not saying that you need to provide these things for a child.

280
00:10:13,450 --> 00:10:15,909
I just want you to have an understanding of what we provide.

281
00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:18,650
We provide a Guatemalan worry doll.

282
00:10:18,890 --> 00:10:21,330
We throw a whole bunch out on the counter and they choose one.

283
00:10:21,409 --> 00:10:22,090
They're all unique.

284
00:10:22,169 --> 00:10:23,270
They're all handmade.

285
00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:26,349
I spent a lot of time in Central and South America,

286
00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:27,289
and

287
00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:30,330
the fact that it's a Guatemalan worry doll handmade,

288
00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:32,210
every single one of them is unique and different,

289
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:34,190
just like every single kid that we play with,

290
00:10:34,650 --> 00:10:36,570
and the notion is that they take the doll,

291
00:10:36,650 --> 00:10:37,890
they tell their worry to it.

292
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,280
And the doll takes their worries away.

293
00:10:40,299 --> 00:10:42,070
It's kind of like a dream catcher

294
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:43,890
for like my generation.

295
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,830
We used to have dream catchers that we would hang up.

296
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:46,869
I don't know if

297
00:10:47,169 --> 00:10:49,049
you younger people have any idea what I'm talking about,

298
00:10:49,159 --> 00:10:49,510
but

299
00:10:49,729 --> 00:10:51,500
it's that similar notion.

300
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:55,510
You tell your worry to the doll and the doll takes your worry away.

301
00:10:56,969 --> 00:10:57,710
They

302
00:10:58,250 --> 00:10:58,450
have,

303
00:10:58,530 --> 00:11:01,479
they've realized that their worries are not as big as they used to be,

304
00:11:01,489 --> 00:11:02,950
or their worries are gone now.

305
00:11:03,690 --> 00:11:06,669
And so this is somewhat of a memento

306
00:11:06,849 --> 00:11:10,210
of you can still feel confident that you're not

307
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,150
going to be scared and anxious and worried.

308
00:11:12,409 --> 00:11:13,530
You can just tell it to your doll.

309
00:11:13,609 --> 00:11:15,030
You may not come and see me anymore,

310
00:11:15,409 --> 00:11:16,659
but you can tell it to the doll.

311
00:11:16,890 --> 00:11:18,510
That's one of the things that we give out.

312
00:11:19,090 --> 00:11:20,510
We also give out a bookmark.

313
00:11:21,469 --> 00:11:23,969
And the child gets to choose from

314
00:11:24,229 --> 00:11:25,500
3 or 4 options.

315
00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:28,070
You'll notice that everything that the child is given,

316
00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:29,049
it's a choice.

317
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,000
And that's CCPT aligned.

318
00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:34,969
We give them the option of choosing a bookmark.

319
00:11:35,049 --> 00:11:35,289
Why?

320
00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:37,409
Because kids should not be playing video games.

321
00:11:37,469 --> 00:11:38,799
They should not be on screens,

322
00:11:38,809 --> 00:11:39,599
and they

323
00:11:39,770 --> 00:11:40,710
have to read for school,

324
00:11:40,719 --> 00:11:42,169
and they should be reading for pleasure.

325
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:45,190
So it's a practical gift that they will actually use,

326
00:11:45,409 --> 00:11:48,169
and it's a subtle implication that they should not

327
00:11:48,169 --> 00:11:50,549
be in a position where they get screen addicted.

328
00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:51,659
Then.

329
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:53,380
They are

330
00:11:53,859 --> 00:11:54,140
for us,

331
00:11:54,179 --> 00:11:56,530
they're able to choose a cardboard poster.

332
00:11:56,739 --> 00:11:57,969
There are 4 different options.

333
00:11:58,059 --> 00:11:58,340
They're Dr.

334
00:11:58,739 --> 00:11:59,169
Seuss,

335
00:11:59,489 --> 00:12:02,099
and they say different things and they have different pictures on them,

336
00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:04,520
and the child chooses a poster to put up in their room.

337
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,429
Then the final gift,

338
00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:07,770
we know the child.

339
00:12:07,979 --> 00:12:09,369
We know what the child likes,

340
00:12:09,659 --> 00:12:11,140
what their interests are,

341
00:12:11,219 --> 00:12:11,859
what their hobbies,

342
00:12:11,969 --> 00:12:12,760
their passions,

343
00:12:13,260 --> 00:12:14,200
and we give them

344
00:12:14,659 --> 00:12:15,760
a choice of 3

345
00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:17,039
main

346
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:18,580
items to take away.

347
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,219
So they're a little bit more substantial.

348
00:12:21,599 --> 00:12:22,760
They're a little bit more costly,

349
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:22,960
you know,

350
00:12:23,039 --> 00:12:24,440
a bookmark is a couple of cents,

351
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,359
a Guatemalan doll is a couple of cents,

352
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:27,830
the certificate's a couple of cents.

353
00:12:28,239 --> 00:12:29,460
The final gift

354
00:12:29,799 --> 00:12:31,520
is a little bit more expensive.

355
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:32,440
Now,

356
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,340
just for your awareness,

357
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:35,909
my process is,

358
00:12:35,919 --> 00:12:38,580
I don't care how much it would sell for.

359
00:12:38,919 --> 00:12:42,099
My price point is I shop all year long for clearance

360
00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:44,059
and after holiday discounts

361
00:12:44,239 --> 00:12:45,960
and sale racks and whatever,

362
00:12:46,039 --> 00:12:47,539
I am constantly buying

363
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,859
final session gifts all throughout the year.

364
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,179
And my price point is I don't want to spend more than about $4 on the gift.

365
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,380
Even if it's a $20 item,

366
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,760
I won't spend more than $4 on it.

367
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,630
And so I'm constantly looking for

368
00:13:01,890 --> 00:13:04,440
really cool things that I can give away for kids.

369
00:13:04,849 --> 00:13:07,309
Dollar stores are actually a really

370
00:13:07,609 --> 00:13:09,049
treasure trove resource,

371
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,729
but not for the toys there.

372
00:13:10,809 --> 00:13:11,609
The toys are junk.

373
00:13:11,729 --> 00:13:12,150
But

374
00:13:12,489 --> 00:13:14,229
the craft department

375
00:13:14,650 --> 00:13:15,690
in the dollar store,

376
00:13:16,010 --> 00:13:19,250
they get some really cool craft projects in there.

377
00:13:19,369 --> 00:13:20,650
I know it's not even $1 anymore.

378
00:13:20,729 --> 00:13:22,210
It's $1.25 but you know,

379
00:13:22,289 --> 00:13:22,830
whatever,

380
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:23,710
economy.

381
00:13:24,289 --> 00:13:24,820
So,

382
00:13:25,215 --> 00:13:27,715
If you go into the craft section of

383
00:13:27,934 --> 00:13:28,724
dollar stores,

384
00:13:29,044 --> 00:13:30,575
they actually have some cool things.

385
00:13:30,655 --> 00:13:33,395
We have found ceramic piggy banks that you can paint.

386
00:13:34,255 --> 00:13:36,474
We've found wooden lidded boxes

387
00:13:36,705 --> 00:13:37,934
that they can decorate.

388
00:13:38,215 --> 00:13:41,354
We have found cardboard lidded boxes that they painted

389
00:13:41,734 --> 00:13:42,715
and put stuff on,

390
00:13:42,765 --> 00:13:44,534
and it becomes a little keepsake box.

391
00:13:44,895 --> 00:13:46,755
We have found wooden kits

392
00:13:46,895 --> 00:13:50,614
to build birdhouses and sailboats and airplanes and things like that.

393
00:13:51,150 --> 00:13:53,580
The craft section is actually quite

394
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,020
helpful for gifts of that sort.

395
00:13:56,719 --> 00:13:57,190
And again,

396
00:13:57,239 --> 00:13:58,599
like after season,

397
00:13:58,679 --> 00:13:59,580
after holiday,

398
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:02,859
deep discount clearance sections of stores,

399
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,270
I'm always acquiring things.

400
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,260
And so I choose three things that I think the child will like.

401
00:14:08,059 --> 00:14:11,200
And here's the premise of the toys that they're choosing.

402
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,020
They're of high quality,

403
00:14:13,099 --> 00:14:13,700
number one.

404
00:14:14,919 --> 00:14:17,070
We do not give away junkie toys.

405
00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:19,169
No one wants.

406
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:20,739
Crappy,

407
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:21,530
made in China.

408
00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:23,979
They're going to break in two days toys to take home.

409
00:14:24,159 --> 00:14:24,789
Parents don't.

410
00:14:24,909 --> 00:14:25,650
Kids don't.

411
00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:27,250
And this is not just,

412
00:14:27,270 --> 00:14:27,650
uh,

413
00:14:27,789 --> 00:14:30,210
you just get to pick something out of the treasure box.

414
00:14:30,510 --> 00:14:31,900
That's not the notion here.

415
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:34,700
This is something that should have longevity,

416
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,169
that should last a while,

417
00:14:36,789 --> 00:14:39,650
and that they're going to have as a token and a memento

418
00:14:39,909 --> 00:14:40,950
of their time with you.

419
00:14:42,179 --> 00:14:43,929
And so we give them

420
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,669
arts and crafts projects.

421
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,130
We give them games.

422
00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:49,150
We give them things that they can use.

423
00:14:49,229 --> 00:14:51,150
Every single item that they take home,

424
00:14:52,049 --> 00:14:53,210
they either make something with it,

425
00:14:53,469 --> 00:14:54,940
they use it in some way,

426
00:14:55,150 --> 00:14:56,169
they play with it.

427
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,210
There's a long lasting

428
00:14:58,650 --> 00:14:59,570
practical use

429
00:14:59,820 --> 00:15:01,229
of everything that we give away.

430
00:15:02,179 --> 00:15:03,369
We have marble games,

431
00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:06,760
we have metal kits that you make figures with.

432
00:15:06,979 --> 00:15:08,299
We have painting sets,

433
00:15:08,380 --> 00:15:09,640
we have clay sets.

434
00:15:09,859 --> 00:15:10,760
We have

435
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,169
all kinds of things,

436
00:15:12,260 --> 00:15:12,469
uh,

437
00:15:12,619 --> 00:15:14,659
little puzzle piece things that fit together

438
00:15:14,659 --> 00:15:16,260
and you can construct things with them.

439
00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:17,989
Why

440
00:15:18,140 --> 00:15:19,419
is there thought behind it?

441
00:15:19,590 --> 00:15:21,409
Because you say to the child,

442
00:15:21,869 --> 00:15:23,659
I hope every time you make this,

443
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:24,619
paint this,

444
00:15:24,909 --> 00:15:25,650
use this,

445
00:15:25,830 --> 00:15:26,429
look at this,

446
00:15:26,669 --> 00:15:27,369
see this.

447
00:15:28,450 --> 00:15:29,380
You think of us,

448
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,169
you think of all the fun we had together,

449
00:15:31,219 --> 00:15:34,340
you think of all the time that we spent together and know that I miss you.

450
00:15:35,849 --> 00:15:40,900
And I've had kids come back to me 3, 4, 5, 6 years down the road for booster sessions

451
00:15:41,330 --> 00:15:43,010
or refreshers as we call them,

452
00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:43,789
meaning

453
00:15:43,929 --> 00:15:46,010
they reach out to their mom out of the blue and say,

454
00:15:46,049 --> 00:15:47,549
I want to go see Miss Brenna again,

455
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:49,130
and parent calls and says,

456
00:15:49,210 --> 00:15:49,450
OK,

457
00:15:49,570 --> 00:15:51,309
they said they wanted to come back and see you.

458
00:15:51,809 --> 00:15:53,799
I've had them come back years down the road,

459
00:15:54,049 --> 00:15:55,770
and either the child or the parent says,

460
00:15:55,849 --> 00:15:56,090
you know,

461
00:15:56,169 --> 00:15:58,869
they still have that blah blah blah that you gave them.

462
00:15:59,450 --> 00:15:59,729
Why?

463
00:16:00,010 --> 00:16:01,130
Because it's not a toy.

464
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,140
It's a keepsake memento.

465
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,140
It's a token

466
00:16:05,559 --> 00:16:06,710
of the relationship.

467
00:16:06,989 --> 00:16:08,619
It's a token of the journey.

468
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,260
It's a token of the fact that

469
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,260
you and that child

470
00:16:13,609 --> 00:16:15,059
walked a road together,

471
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:16,710
and that's meaningful.

472
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,200
You're not giving them a Chinese finger trap.

473
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,500
You're giving them something that has purpose.

474
00:16:21,549 --> 00:16:22,599
It needs to be useful.

475
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,760
It needs to be functional.

476
00:16:23,919 --> 00:16:25,719
They need to be able to do something with it and

477
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:27,880
have it be high enough quality that it will last.

478
00:16:28,909 --> 00:16:28,919
Because

479
00:16:29,309 --> 00:16:30,969
what you're trying to communicate is,

480
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,710
I'm still here and I still care about you.

481
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,469
So they take all of that home with them,

482
00:16:37,479 --> 00:16:39,739
and then the final thing that you say to

483
00:16:39,739 --> 00:16:42,179
child and parent in the lobby before they leave.

484
00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:43,710
you,

485
00:16:43,799 --> 00:16:45,070
you close up the,

486
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:46,409
the accountability.

487
00:16:46,719 --> 00:16:47,840
So you say to parent,

488
00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:49,159
I told child,

489
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,150
all he or she has to do is let you know if he

490
00:16:52,150 --> 00:16:54,340
or she wants to come back and see me and you'll reach out.

491
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:55,119
Now,

492
00:16:55,159 --> 00:16:57,919
you've already communicated that to parent in the final 5 weeks.

493
00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:00,539
So it's always an open door policy.

494
00:17:00,599 --> 00:17:01,500
They can always come back.

495
00:17:01,619 --> 00:17:03,020
They'll just have to let you know that they

496
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:04,469
want to come back and then you'll reach out.

497
00:17:04,699 --> 00:17:04,819
OK,

498
00:17:04,939 --> 00:17:06,140
well now you've closed the loop.

499
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:06,868
Because

500
00:17:07,199 --> 00:17:08,089
in front of the child,

501
00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:08,829
you said

502
00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:10,010
the parent's job,

503
00:17:10,050 --> 00:17:10,969
in front of the parent,

504
00:17:11,108 --> 00:17:12,479
you said the child's job,

505
00:17:12,729 --> 00:17:15,010
and then your job is to get them back in.

506
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:18,670
Now obviously if they can't actually come back for a session,

507
00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:21,829
maybe they just need to have a 5 minute phone call with you.

508
00:17:22,310 --> 00:17:24,170
Maybe they need to have a Zoom call with you.

509
00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:25,920
Maybe they just need to write you a letter.

510
00:17:26,510 --> 00:17:28,089
Maybe they need to send you an email.

511
00:17:28,430 --> 00:17:31,030
You need to make it known how they're going to stay

512
00:17:31,030 --> 00:17:33,589
in touch with you if they need to reach back out.

513
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:39,880
And now you have finalized the termination phase.

514
00:17:40,689 --> 00:17:40,699
Because

515
00:17:41,130 --> 00:17:42,650
not only do we do the countdown,

516
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,640
but we have that very significant final session

517
00:17:45,849 --> 00:17:49,349
where everyone's on the same page and we all know what the expectations are.

518
00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:51,989
And the child gets to celebrate

519
00:17:52,199 --> 00:17:52,920
what they've done.

520
00:17:53,290 --> 00:17:53,750
And

521
00:17:54,010 --> 00:17:55,530
when kids are ready to wrap up,

522
00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:57,290
they've done immense work,

523
00:17:57,569 --> 00:17:58,989
and it's worth celebrating.

524
00:17:59,250 --> 00:17:59,770
And so yes,

525
00:17:59,849 --> 00:18:00,689
it's bittersweet.

526
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:01,089
Yes,

527
00:18:01,369 --> 00:18:02,369
sometimes kids cry.

528
00:18:02,569 --> 00:18:02,810
Yes,

529
00:18:02,959 --> 00:18:05,030
parents want to take pictures of you and the child.

530
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:05,369
Yes,

531
00:18:05,619 --> 00:18:07,050
sometimes you get a little bit emotional.

532
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:07,369
Yes,

533
00:18:07,449 --> 00:18:09,150
they hug you and they don't want to leave.

534
00:18:09,410 --> 00:18:10,369
All of those things happen.

535
00:18:10,449 --> 00:18:10,729
Why?

536
00:18:10,969 --> 00:18:11,270
Because

537
00:18:11,810 --> 00:18:15,510
you've walked a journey with them and a relationship has been built,

538
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,369
and it's hard to say goodbye.

539
00:18:18,189 --> 00:18:19,839
I'm now singing Boyz II Men.

540
00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:21,020
But

541
00:18:21,989 --> 00:18:22,619
so you,

542
00:18:22,709 --> 00:18:27,949
you want to think about how do I create a final session that is

543
00:18:27,949 --> 00:18:31,290
going to celebrate even in the midst of it being a little bit sad.

544
00:18:31,869 --> 00:18:33,109
That's what all of this is about.

545
00:18:33,390 --> 00:18:33,500
So,

546
00:18:33,510 --> 00:18:36,900
I hope that that gives you some insight and perspective on how to handle that.

547
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,430
If you have any follow-up questions,

548
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:39,189
please let me know.

549
00:18:39,270 --> 00:18:43,050
We talk about this in coaching a lot because this is such a huge piece

550
00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:45,430
of working with kids and their families.

551
00:18:45,510 --> 00:18:46,630
It's saying goodbye.

552
00:18:47,229 --> 00:18:47,589
So I'm,

553
00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:49,750
I'm hopeful that that encourages you and gives you some

554
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:52,130
tips and strategies that you might be able to implement.

555
00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:53,270
I'd love to hear from you,

556
00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:54,869
brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

557
00:18:55,030 --> 00:18:55,390
Love y'all.

558
00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:56,209
We'll talk again soon.

559
00:18:56,430 --> 00:18:56,670
Bye.

560
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:01,550
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

561
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,719
For more episodes and resources,

562
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:08,640
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.