#558 - Kaitlyn Bristowe on DWTS Trauma + Manifesting a Win By Sleeping with a Mirrorball + Being Labeled as a 'Polarizing Character' on the "Bachelor" + A Solution for Internet Trolls

00:00:06
Speaker 1: Dita called me and she because you might want to pull over, and I just started hysterically bawling. She was like, if you get another positive, you're out of the competition. And I was like googling how to get fake like test done.

00:00:19
Speaker 2: Episode five point fifty eight with Caitlin Bristow. Caitlin has a very popular podcast called Off the Vine with Kitlin Bristow, which you can listen to every Tuesday and Thursday, and we put the YouTube channel in the notes here. But I'll say this, Caitlin Bristow, she was one of the people on The Bachelor, then she was the Bachelorette. She won season twenty nine of Dancing with the Stars with Artam and we talked a lot about Dancing with the Stars. I don't know when you're hearing this, but when we're posting this, it is the day of the finale of Dancing with the Stars, and we just kind of talked through how difficult it was for both of us for different reasons. The things that I'm shocked by I hate spoiling stuff in the early part, but that her mom was a professional ballerino, which I thought's crazy wild, that's wild, That's like, yeah, your dad's a former quarterback for the Vikings. Like to do that. To be at that level, you've got to be one so disciplined. But the amount of work and the athleticism that goes into that's crazy. So uh, I hope you check it out. Hope you listen to all of it. It's also up on our YouTube channel, which is at Bobby Bones channel. She also has launched a scrunchy line called do Edit. That's it, dude. When you get a scrunchy line, you know you made it. Is that that thing that it's like a circle and it goes over a plenty tail. Yeah, and a wine brand called Spade and Sparrows. Here she is Caitlin Bristo. Caitlin, we haven't met, but I feel like we have mutual people, one that I really love who loves you. Oh yes, so I kind of feel I told you, I feel comfortable in this setting talking about what we're about to talk about.

00:02:02
Speaker 1: Yes. Wait, also we have met, so I'm not memorable.

00:02:06
Speaker 2: Wait what so before you came in one of my friends that have you met, Caitlin, and I said no twice, that's not true. That can't be true.

00:02:18
Speaker 1: It is true. I played in the like celebrity baseball tournament, like eight years.

00:02:24
Speaker 2: That doesn'tcount. There's too much that's that does account. Okay, that is account.

00:02:28
Speaker 1: And then two years ago you walked into Oku and I was at the bar and we just quickly said hello, like I know we've never.

00:02:35
Speaker 2: Met, but that's not a real meeting.

00:02:37
Speaker 1: Okay, fine, then we haven't met.

00:02:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've not had like a conversation because celebrity softball game. There's there's it's too much stims, it's over I'm over stimulated, too many people. I want to win the game. People are fighting Florida, George Lane wants to beat each other up. All that stuff's happening at that So okay, so we have we've come into contact.

00:02:55
Speaker 1: That's that's. Yes, we've come into contact.

00:02:57
Speaker 2: I would have felt like a real ditch if you'd have been like wed. Yeah. We at the CMAS. We hung out backstage, heart to heart.

00:03:03
Speaker 1: We had coffee for an hour one day, we talked about our feelings.

00:03:06
Speaker 2: You just flew back in.

00:03:08
Speaker 1: I did last night. That's why the bags under my eyes are bagging. Which I'm just being such an insecure little weirdo today because usually I'm just like, whatever, I'll own it. I'm tired. But the fact is, when I get my face beat up with glam, I feel like it ages me. I had to melt down. I haven't been home in so long. I am like a crazy person when I don't sleep, and so I'm just you're gonna help me get out of this funk.

00:03:31
Speaker 2: Well, when you came in, you had mentioned you almost melted down because of some glam and I was like, no, you don't look over made up.

00:03:37
Speaker 1: Well I have an event after, so I'm like, I needed my glam done. And then I was like, well, i'll be on camera anyways. And then I looked in the mirror and I went, wow, just feels a bit much.

00:03:46
Speaker 2: I want to give you total autonomy. By the way, you do a great job on your podcast, Thank you. So I want to give you total autonomy during this show. If there's anything that you're like, oh, you know, what might be interesting to add because I want to talk about dance when the stars. Of course, I love talking about it. I have such a great relationship. Most of my relationship with it is awesome. One of the greatest experiences of my life.

00:04:06
Speaker 1: Okay, I was going to ask you it's.

00:04:08
Speaker 2: Been soured by the hardcore fans of the show and mostly and we can just start here. I had an you're talking about meltdowns. I had a minor meltdown about a week and a half ago because Tom bergeron Who I Love Still Love Loved then. I was so surprised at his reaction to the question of who's one of the most surprising eliminations? They didn't even ask him about me, now, had they said to the question like, who won? That's surprising? I'm all here, I'm the most surprising ever. Yes, I know that I am. I have total awareness of my entire situation. But it wasn't. And he was like, well, I won't answer that question, but I will tell you what is the most surprising win. And it wasn't even that. He just did the facial. He was like, you know when Bobby wan an ouch and I'm like, oh my god, yeah, like it hurt my feelings so much, hurt your feelings.

00:05:06
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:05:07
Speaker 2: I have a job where I give opinions all the time. Whenever I create controversy, which I do at times, sometimes manufactured, yes, sometimes not. I'm good because I know I've signed up for this.

00:05:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, you get it.

00:05:22
Speaker 2: When he did that, it hurt my feelings.

00:05:24
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that would hurt my feelings.

00:05:26
Speaker 2: Too, because that was somebody that was like man. He was so like helpful to me during the show because he knew I was struggling. You say, ouch, oh, yeah, have you not seen the clip.

00:05:36
Speaker 3: No.

00:05:36
Speaker 1: I did show me the clip because I heard everything that I saw so much on online about it, and I knew there's the whole thing about you sending the mirror ball back. But I never actually saw the clip even though I was there.

00:05:46
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna hand you my just start this TikTok over slide and turn the volume over and so it's me talking about it, but you'll see him. Okay, so that's the Tom stuff. But it was just a facial expan. And also I just had footso so I was a bit. I was on pain pills.

00:06:02
Speaker 1: Oh oh, don't do anything online on pain pill.

00:06:04
Speaker 2: Yeah I did, but it popped off, so I'm kind of happy I did it.

00:06:08
Speaker 1: Sorry, table is way too long.

00:06:11
Speaker 2: But I like, I still loved Tom, but that hurt my feelings so bad.

00:06:15
Speaker 1: I hurt your feelings because you love him, and that hurt my feelings for sure.

00:06:19
Speaker 2: Over the last thing. It has been seven seasons. I love talking to you about this because you won, you did the show. It's like, I you were good. But still there's like trauma bonding, like we did this, yeah, we know the riggers, yes, of even having to get feedback all the time online.

00:06:36
Speaker 1: Well, and then I think what people also don't talk about is after the fact, like I didn't realize duram filming how much I needed all of this validation all the time, and they're constantly validating but critiquing, and then you want to impress them, and then you want to show up the next week and be like, look, I listened to you, and then it's just all done and.

00:06:55
Speaker 2: You're like, yeah, it is over quick, yeah yeah.

00:06:57
Speaker 1: And then it's so depressing and I felt like a I felt like, I don't know, like a hangover from it after, but yeah, during it's just it's it's so I don't think they ever warn people what you're signing up for, because you're like the nice check and then you see the work that you do, you're.

00:07:12
Speaker 2: Like, oh wow, I in that video. I will say this again, it's not that I didn't want to go on the show. I had no intention of going. I didn't want to go on the show.

00:07:22
Speaker 1: How were you approached?

00:07:23
Speaker 2: I was on American Idol for.

00:07:24
Speaker 1: Four years, so they that's how they found you.

00:07:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, they find the ABC's like, Hey, we're going to promote American Idol, So go over to them. This is the exact conversation, Hey, we need to promote Idol because Idol had just come back to ABC. I did season one. They just signed me to a multi year deal for season two and three. We want you to go over to Dancing with the Stars and you haven't danced ever. You'll last four weeks, max, and you'll be back in time for the show. And I remember saying to them, I've never danced. That sounds fun, but I don't If I go, I don't plan to last four weeks. Like I don't do anything without fully going as hard as I can. And they're like eh. And so there was a time too during the show where they had to like decide if they were going to pull me off the show because Idol was already filming and they were paying me a ton of money at Idle to do not be on Idol.

00:08:13
Speaker 1: Don't you share the same stage space with Idle? There ye small room.

00:08:17
Speaker 2: But I was also working full time, yeah, my radio show while in la oh, and then training. There's no time.

00:08:23
Speaker 1: So how'd you do it?

00:08:28
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know. But the controversy that happened to it's not even a controversy. I admitted that I said cheated. I didn't cheat. But you know, they give us rules on how long you can dance with your partner. I was so behind that I would go and runt a studio by myself and put the phone up and watch practice and just try to do it better so I could get to practice the next day. And so you really were committed though, never been more committed to anything except my wife. Wow, that I was so committed because I would. I wasn't even the and this is with total respect to grocery store Joe during the season. I wasn't the bad one.

00:09:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he was bad.

00:09:07
Speaker 2: He was the one that was it. He was the one that everybody was like, we can't believe he's lasting, can't It wasn't me. Yeah, And the fact that I'm that guy now and I'm known for that is crazy. But I remember every year since around October November, I just get crushed at my algorithm because anybody who's bad now it gets compared to me.

00:09:29
Speaker 1: Does that hurt your feelings?

00:09:30
Speaker 2: It wears on me. Yeah, so it hurts my feelings, no, but it wears on me.

00:09:36
Speaker 1: I get that.

00:09:37
Speaker 2: I never watched my dances back one single time until about two months ago, and I watched them all back and recorded me watching them.

00:09:44
Speaker 1: And how did it go?

00:09:45
Speaker 2: I wasn't as bad as everybody made me feel.

00:09:47
Speaker 1: Really, Oh that's nice?

00:09:49
Speaker 2: Yep?

00:09:49
Speaker 1: So did you did you get emotional watching? Not like cry, but were you like feeling?

00:09:54
Speaker 2: I was proud of myself in a different way because I wasn't as bad as I was made to believe I was. I'm not good, by the way, and I don't think I'm sure, but I what you like? I think a buzz Aldrin did the show or something.

00:10:07
Speaker 1: I don't know who that is.

00:10:08
Speaker 2: Is a astronaut and he was like one hundred. He's like one hundred and ten.

00:10:11
Speaker 1: Okay.

00:10:11
Speaker 2: I felt like people told me I was him.

00:10:13
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm gonna have to go back and watch your dances because I watched your season. I can't even remember who your partner.

00:10:19
Speaker 2: Was, Sharna, Yes, he was your partner.

00:10:21
Speaker 1: Artam.

00:10:22
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, was he on your season? Yes, I liked Ardam. He didn't say a lot.

00:10:26
Speaker 1: He's okay. Outside of the ballroom he is like a little teddy bear. He's such a sweetie. And in the ballroom he is very intense. But I feel like that's like the Russian culture. Yeah.

00:10:36
Speaker 2: The two things I learned most about Russians and Mormons on the show. I'm basically a Mormon, just not the religious part. I'm the most Mormon person I've ever met, except for the religious part.

00:10:47
Speaker 1: Wait, don't me more.

00:10:48
Speaker 2: I don't drink, I don't do any I don't take no chemicals, nothing.

00:10:51
Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, have you always been like that?

00:10:53
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I've never had a drink of alcohol ever in your life. It's my Mormon culture. No, you're actually I've never had a drink of alcohol.

00:11:01
Speaker 1: But you're not actually Mormon.

00:11:03
Speaker 2: No, okay, but I'm saying like I'm as close to Mormon the religious part of.

00:11:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Yeah.

00:11:09
Speaker 2: So I learned about Mormons because I grew up in Arkansas. We didn't have oh, there was not a Mormon population. Yeah, and then Russians. We also didn't have a large Russian contingent in the state of Arkansas makes sense.

00:11:20
Speaker 4: Let's take a quick pause for a message from our sponsor, and we're back on the Bobby Cast.

00:11:35
Speaker 2: Oh do this game with me?

00:11:36
Speaker 1: Okay, superlatives okay.

00:11:41
Speaker 2: Best all around of the pros. Daniella Okay, I didn't have Daniella.

00:11:47
Speaker 1: Oh. I could watch her dance. Sometimes, I'm like, am I gay for her?

00:11:53
Speaker 2: Like I'm like, so I tracked that way with Vao. I thought that was val I gay for him? Yeah.

00:11:58
Speaker 1: Like, there's just something about their swag, the way they move, how they can do it, the fact that they can put aside that they could look like they're madly in love with whoever their partner is, and they compartmentalize it because that is their job. And they just know that chemistry translates to the audience. And I yeah, Vell and Daniella.

00:12:17
Speaker 2: I don't know. Danielle. Her choreography is awesome, amazing. I'm gonna go for me because I didn't put any restrictions or any rules. I'm gonna go. Emma was my favorite. She's the best, like Nobel Human Peace Prize Award, agreed. I agree, I would have mental. I had troubles during my season, Like like we all did at some point, and she would step in and be like, I wonder, let me help you.

00:12:46
Speaker 1: I wonder what that would have felt like for me, because I ardam was going through some stuff at home while we at our season, and so if I cried, he'd be like, you're wasting my time. And I agree with him, I was wasting time because we really wanted to win. And I would always tell him, and he knew if I said I had to go blow my nose, that means I was going to the bathroom to cry for five minutes and get it out of my system and come back and be ready. But Emma, I just got to work with her when I was dancing with Andy two weeks ago, and I was like, she is the most patient, fun kind.

00:13:21
Speaker 2: P plus every in every way.

00:13:23
Speaker 1: Oh my god, She's just wonderful. And the way I saw her work with Andy was I I just, yeah, she's an A plus human being.

00:13:31
Speaker 2: I reached out to Andy, and just for the mental health part of it, yeah, because he started to get it. Yeah, And I was just like, you probably don't need this, you're the dude. But everybody thinks everybody's okay unless they ask.

00:13:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.

00:13:45
Speaker 2: I bet you needed that. And I was just like, hey, if you need to talk about any of this mental health stuff, like, it's real on this show. And so he hit me up again after it was over, and he was like, dude, thank you so much for that. It's hard.

00:13:56
Speaker 1: I was surprised how much he opened up to me on my podcast about mental health, because again, you're right, you don't know until you ask, and he just seems like this, you know, happy to be here, humble, the kind of guy. But it really does once you get in it. Like the first week you're like what am I doing? And then the next week you're like, okay, I'm kind of in, and then week three, four or five you're just like, I need to be here. This is my home now, I am not going anywhere, and you it just, yeah, all of your competitiveness comes out, which obviously you're competitive. I am so competitive.

00:14:27
Speaker 2: How would have died on the stage?

00:14:29
Speaker 1: What do you mean?

00:14:31
Speaker 2: I would have gone so hard? Yes? I would have never left the building. Yes, yeah.

00:14:34
Speaker 1: Like at one point the doctor told me I should stop because I had tendonitis in both ankles and my ribs and everything, and I was like, yeah, right.

00:14:41
Speaker 2: You know I love that because I tore I fell on the first dance. I tore my shoulder. I came to the we'll just say a professional team doctor. Yeah, and he said, you're not gonna hurt it worse, but you're gonna have to shoot it and numb and I shot. Wasn't anything to do with ABC or Dancing with the Stars, but I found a doctor. Yeah, and he shot me up. Every week I did.

00:14:57
Speaker 1: I did that in my ankle, except it wasn't. They had it at the show and they were fine with it.

00:15:01
Speaker 2: Yours was probably legit. I was going I was using something I probably shouldn't have used. You can't do every week? Yeah, and he was like, this is it gonna hurt?

00:15:10
Speaker 1: So and it helped.

00:15:12
Speaker 2: Oh my arm, it felt like the greatest arm that's ever been created.

00:15:15
Speaker 1: Still have injuries from that.

00:15:16
Speaker 2: Now it's now it's just sore. If it rains, that kind.

00:15:19
Speaker 1: Of thing that's his age.

00:15:21
Speaker 2: If it gets cloudy, like it hurts. When did you know you were going on?

00:15:25
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, do you know the story about how I got on? So I when I came off being the Bachelorette. The creator of the whole show, he never really liked me. I still don't think he really want me. Of which show, The Bachelor and Bachelorette, he kind of made it known that he didn't like me, like it wasn't a secret. And so when I came off the show, he Crystals was the Bachelor that I was on, and he did Dancing with the Stars and then they called me and they said, do you want to come on the show? I freaked out because I danced my whole life, which I know is also controversial with that show that I danced background, but my mom was a professional ballerina. It was like my dream too.

00:16:03
Speaker 2: Mom was a pro ballerina. That is so cool.

00:16:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, she was one of the original members of the Alberta Ballet Company in Canada. And so I just I quit dancing at twenty five because I wasn't good enough and I chose to not get any education after high school because I was like committed to wanting to dance, and so I felt like I failed as a dancer, and it was just always in the back of my mind. And when I went on The Bachelor, I was like, maybe I could go on Dancing with the Stars and like make my dreams come true. And so they asked me, and I remember just sobbing. I was so excited I had the contract, I had it signed, and I was so new to TV. I don't know anything about what I signed for The Bachelor. I just was scribbling my initials and everything went here you go. And so they were like, no, you can't do it. And the creator of the show said to me, I'm really sick of people wanting fame after my show, and you can focus on your relationship that you just had from the show instead, and I was I don't know how they didn't sue me. I went, I took it to Twitter and I was like, sexist, blah blah blah, Chris Soul's got to do it. All the men have gotten to do it, they haven't had a girl. And then all of a sudden, Hannah Brown became the Bachelorette and then she got to go on Dancing with the Stars, and so everyone was tweeting me or reaching out and being like she went on the floor or yeah, and I was like, I was like, I'm not mad, I'm happy. I spoke up to say like, why doesn't he let women go on the show, and why have all the men gotten to and so I was happy for her. And then it was COVID and uh they were doing like a Bachelor Goat show where they were doing the best seasons and recapping them with Chris Harrison. And so Chris Harrison was like, will you jump on a zoom with me to recap your show? I said yes, and at the end he goes, well, I have a really important question for you, and I was like what he went well, I could still cry. He was like, do you want to go on Dancing with the Stars? And I I was just in pure shock, like I just my reaction was just and I couldn't even speak.

00:17:59
Speaker 2: I know it's coming, no idea.

00:18:01
Speaker 1: And it was so long after I'd been on the show that I was like, I feel like, well, washed up reality start at this point, like you really want me to go on? And then to win. It felt like such a full circle because I'd always wanted to be looked at as a dancer and it was just so exciting for me. I always tell my Canadian I'm Canadian, and so I always say it's like it's like somebody not making it to the NHL, being really close but not making it, and then ten years later getting asked to play in the Stanley Cup finals and winning and knowing what that feels like. I was like, this is my Stanley Cup.

00:18:30
Speaker 2: So it really mattered to you oh so much.

00:18:33
Speaker 1: It was again like that you know how it is. The whole experience was just so incredible. And even though I was like in the fetal position crying every night and my bones were broken and I was just like falling apart, I was like, I can't wait till the next day and I can't wait to make it another week, and I'm like I will win that. I would hold a fake mirror ball when I slept and I would manifest. I was crazy. So yes, it meant everything to me.

00:18:55
Speaker 2: My favorite memories are going with like em and Sasha were married at the time, Yes, with like Emma Sasha, even Allen going to air one, Yeah, because that's where we would go right there, always just like that's what we'd go, get some food before we went back, and like it is such everybody just kind of becomes a unit.

00:19:12
Speaker 1: It is such family vibes. Like even going back last week, which I haven't been on the show in four five years, everyone is just acts like you've never left. It just feels like such a family over there. It was why didn't you come to the twentieth ever? Oh?

00:19:28
Speaker 2: I tried to go. I did. It was the Thursday before the Tuesday of the show, and I was having surgery and I told my doctor, Hey, I'm supposed to go to LA Yeah, and he's like, unless you want to get a blood clot in your leg, oh, you're not going to LA. I was very sad I couldn't.

00:19:42
Speaker 1: Go because every everything would have been so different as if they would. Do you think he would have Oh, because he didn't say it in the ballroom, No he didn't, So he said it on an interview after. Yeah, it still would have went the same an.

00:19:53
Speaker 2: Interview leading up to because he came back that episode. Yeah. I also loved Tom Bergern even still did he Have you.

00:20:00
Speaker 1: Talked to him, like personally since stop? I was gonna say, shut up, that's mean, okay, shut up?

00:20:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, No I haven't. I really why I don't feel bad about any of this controversy is that I never said anything negative about anybody. Yeah, there have been times I've said things and I regret it and I'm like, oops, Yeah, shouldn't have said that. I have nothing negative to say about the show. I've said things at times about how toxic the extremely hardcore fans are of that show, But that can happen with sports teams too. Oh like I fight with Freakin Texas Longhorn fans like crazy, Like, if you're passionate, it's toxic.

00:20:31
Speaker 1: It's true. The fans like they're so loyal to the show. I mean even Bachelor Nation fans like, man, they think you are a character on a show, and they pigeonhole you into this one thing and they will die on that hill that that's who you are. And they do the same thing with Dancing with the Starts. You write sports anything like for women, Bachelor is their super Bowl, Like that's it's it is, and and fans are crazy good and bad and you need both.

00:20:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, and mostly you see the bad because the algorithm puts out what gets engagement, and you know it gets engagement people saying negative things.

00:21:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so true. The algorithm really does me dirty. Sometimes I'm like, why are you showing me this?

00:21:12
Speaker 2: Do have you watched your dances back? Do you watch them back?

00:21:14
Speaker 1: Like every day?

00:21:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so proud of me winning. I don't want I never want anybody to think I like hate anything about it. Yeah, I get upset a section of it.

00:21:22
Speaker 1: That's so fair.

00:21:23
Speaker 2: And I was made to feel I was really bad at dancing, which I was bad, and then I got to be okay. But my triumph is Vegas put out the odds before the show. I was last. Really yeah, there, I have like the screenshot of like when Vegas put it out and you could bet I was dead last.

00:21:43
Speaker 1: That's even better. I love an underdog story. But also, do you are you a little sad you sent the mirror ball back? Like, are you like, actually, I do want to be back because you are proud of.

00:21:50
Speaker 2: It a little. I did the opera a few days later and I was playing the operator. I was playing a song. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I sent the mirror ball back. I kind of regret it, but someone has reached out to me from.

00:22:00
Speaker 1: The network and they said they would give it back.

00:22:02
Speaker 2: It's whatever I want.

00:22:03
Speaker 1: Oh what do you want?

00:22:05
Speaker 2: I don't know.

00:22:06
Speaker 1: Well, I feel like you should take it back, coming from somebody who I react with emotion a lot, and I've been in therapy for it for about ten years to try and remove myself and take a deep breath before I do anything. I still find it very hard and I get myself in trouble a lot with that. But that is something that it's like, look at all these things you have behind you, like it's you deserved that, and it doesn't matter what Tom said. It can hurt your feelings.

00:22:35
Speaker 2: It's not just about Tom.

00:22:36
Speaker 1: I know.

00:22:37
Speaker 2: The association sometimes was like I look at that and I'm like, that's the only thing I've ever done where I purposefully just tried hard. Yeah, worked hard, tried to make people better around me. I would help other contestants for on their camera time. I'm like, guys, I know you're working on all the dance, but you know what's going to pay off is you talking to the camera. So I would like work with some of the some of the other contestants there, like I did everything I could to help and then for people to go, we think you're less than That was my association with that trophy. There are things where I get it where I'm like, people don't like me because I say this or feel this way signed up for that. This is the only thing where I was like the underdog who came who won, and then that's held against me. And so that association kind of it soured it a bit.

00:23:23
Speaker 1: I mean, I will say even when Neive Schulman was the runner up on my show, and sometimes I would like, go and look at his comments, and it doesn't even to this day, like post something, if it has anything to do with Dancer with the Stars, every comment is how he should have won over me.

00:23:39
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, I'm so glad that happens to you two.

00:23:41
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because it's so it's such a prideful thing that winning that mirror ball, and nobody will ever understand how hard you work or what you do behind the scenes because it's such a joyful show. And they show snippets when you're literally grinding in there for eight hours a day. You don't get a day off. You don't even get a Sunday off camera blocking is Monday and then or Sunday, and then it's the rehearsal in the show. You are so mentally physically drained that like, nobody will ever understand unless you do it, And to do it that many weeks in a row, to make it to the end and have people questioned or not like that you won it, you just almost want to punch them in the face, because you're like, you do it. That's a show right there, to go out and find people who are trolls and then make them do what you do, like sit in that chair and hold a podcast and or go do one dance class.

00:24:34
Speaker 2: I was like, just punch them in the face. I was going to sign up for that show. That's show. Just find it for all and punch them in the face.

00:24:40
Speaker 1: That would be I mean, that's that is a dream show for me to work on.

00:24:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, after I won, I don't know what happened after you won that night. Yeah, can you walk me through the night.

00:24:51
Speaker 1: Yes. It was very different from most things because I was in COVID season.

00:24:54
Speaker 2: Oh that sucks.

00:24:55
Speaker 1: So I didn't even have an audience. I had a laugh button machine and a clap button machine, and there was no one there, and we weren't allowed to hang out with each other, and we weren't allowed to go in the room and help each other, and we had to get tested every day, and if you got COVID, you were out of the competition, and I was. I got a false positive COVID test. Dita called me and she goes, you might want to pull over and I just started hysterically bawling. She was like, if you get another positive, you're out of the competition. And this was week eight when I'm like in it, and I was like no, and I was like googling how to get fake like test done.

00:25:31
Speaker 2: You can go to my doctor. That was shooting me up at I.

00:25:35
Speaker 1: Shouldn't have gotten to your guy, but I just I went and it was actually a false false positive. I did three tests at the clinic. It was all negative. I got to go back. But the night, the night that I won, I remember, it was like everybody had to be six feet apart, so we were like talking with like masks on. And then after Neiva actually had people over and so we all went to party after. But I just like sat with my mirror ball on the rooftop of this hotel I was staying at and drank wine and Neva was like, Oh, you're not gonna come over. You're too good to come over, and I was like final show up. I went there, nobody was there. I was just drunk. Neve and I was like, did everybody leave it? He was like yeah, And I was like, why why don't you tell me everyone went home? And he's like, because I think we should do a bit online about like it's blah blah blah for me. And so he was like all bitter and he was drunk and he wanted to do this video for social media that we did post and it ended up being funny. But I still think he's mad at.

00:26:39
Speaker 2: Me, probably at what you didn't allow him to have, right, not you. Everybody likes you, which is weird, I'm gonna be honest think so yeah, because most people, hey, I don't get I think people that have done your franchise, Yeah, there's not universal love for really anybody else from in town. Yeah, like some of my closest friends, especially two okay, love you as a huge because we haven't spent any time. I guess we met. I was like, what up high five? Other than that, yeah, but because I was like, I'm going to talk about it with somebody.

00:27:20
Speaker 1: I was so honored. Do you ask me?

00:27:21
Speaker 2: And they both were like, she's the greatest person, and that's not often said about people. I think those shows change people too, absolutely, not just your show, because I did again, I did four years of American Idol, so I have a different kind of experience with reality television. But no, people like, as a person, spoke very highly of you.

00:27:42
Speaker 1: That means a lot. Thank you for sharing that with me, because I sometimes I'm like, yes, because I'm Canadian, I'm just nice.

00:27:47
Speaker 2: You guys are really nice, but.

00:27:49
Speaker 1: I am also very spicy, but it's genuine, like I will stand up for what I believe in and sometimes people like I'm very like polarizing online. But I think if people know me, they know my heart. So I'm okay with that. But it is it. I always thought it was so crazy when I came off Bachelor, I was so hated, not by humans that knew me, so.

00:28:09
Speaker 2: I didn't I didn't watch Yeah, so oh, I had a what was your I'm gonna say character because they do absolutely edit you into what they want you to be.

00:28:17
Speaker 1: Oh, I was like the raunchy, sexualized.

00:28:20
Speaker 2: Did you go on as a contestant first? Yes? Did you win? No?

00:28:24
Speaker 1: So I went on as a contestant and the Bachelor guy he was he was a farmer, and I was like, I need him to know my humor right out of the limo. So I went up to him and I was like, I don't really know much about you, Like I know your name's Chris, and I know you're a farmer, so I'd a plow out to your field any day as a joke, which, by the way, this was like ten years ago. So I thought that was hilarious, and he thought it was hilarious, but they edited it to make it seem like he was like, oh god, really, and then I was like, but he actually thought it was hilarious, and I was like, okay, good. He laughed, and so then I just became like the edgy can with tattoos who swore a lot and talked about sex and that is a small part of me.

00:29:05
Speaker 2: Have tattoos, yes, And.

00:29:08
Speaker 1: Then I was sent home. There's three of us left. I was very sure he was going to pick me. I was like, he's aissle thing.

00:29:14
Speaker 2: He's definitely Oh so you thought you'd win.

00:29:16
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he sent me home. I was devastated. And then the show's therapist was like, are you really devastated or were you just in the bubble? And I was like oh. And then I came back and then they asked me to be the bachelorette, and then they put two bachelorettes on my season, and the men got to decide who they wanted to be the bachelor.

00:29:34
Speaker 2: So you finally So this is why this this sucks for you for two reasons. One, you finally are the one, except there's another one and then you go to Dancing with the Stars yeah, which is also awesome, but then it's COVID.

00:29:46
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:29:47
Speaker 2: Like you got limited awesomeness in both the things that should have been one hundred percent awesome.

00:29:51
Speaker 1: I know it was. It was tough, but I mean she, the girl that I was pitted against, was actually a friend, so we didn't We tried to not it so seriously. But again, I'm very competitive, and it was more about like winning to me than like because I'm like, if they pick her, these just aren't guys for me. But also like pick me because I need.

00:30:10
Speaker 2: To win and that you're going to be the person and then you're not. That's kind of a mind screw.

00:30:15
Speaker 1: I know. I made sure I negotiated the hell out of my contract for that one, because I was like, if I go home night one, I still better get paid something.

00:30:24
Speaker 2: So you didn't get with the dude in one, Please excuse my ignorance, no, I because I don't expect you know anything about me. No, actually I didn't did you get with anybody from when you were the Bachelorette? Did you marry anybody from me?

00:30:40
Speaker 1: I got engaged and I was with him Sean Booth.

00:30:44
Speaker 2: Do you know how that is?

00:30:46
Speaker 1: Uh? Wait?

00:30:47
Speaker 2: Ye has Jim? Yes, got it.

00:30:49
Speaker 1: I was with him for three and a half years, and in the contract for a Bachelorette, if you stay together longer than two years, you get to keep the ring. So I still have the ring from that. But we broke up and then I started dating another bachelor guy, which was in my head, I'm going it just felt you know when you like bond with people, I guess it could be a trauma bond.

00:31:09
Speaker 2: And you just know what you know, this experience.

00:31:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I was like, oh, I'll go for another bachelor guy. Great, and speak about like you were saying, you know, some people change from getting I always compare it to like a drug, and people get a little taste of what it feels like to be famous from the Bachelor of the Bachelorette, and it really does change them. And I've seen it happen so many times and it was really important to me going in. Even when I was like walking out of that limo, I was like I'm I don't care if people hate me. I'm going to be myself. I'm not gonna let this change me. And I remember at the very end, all of a sudden, like all these interviews were happening and people were recognizing me, and I was getting all these opportunities, and I remember being so overwhelmed, and I got very depressed because I just didn't know how to like function after it being so much manipulated and drinking so much and not sleeping and then picking this guy who was mad at me for sleeping with somebody else in the fantasy suites, and I was just like in a really bad place. And I just remember in that moment going just go back to being you. Just be you, and everything will align with what you want in life if you're just yourself and you stay humble. And I was always so important to me to not let it change me. And my dad always says to me, He's like, I'm so proud of you, and he goes, it's not for all of your accomplishments, he goes, it's still because you're the same person, just a more evolved version of yourself.

00:32:33
Speaker 2: Why are you here in Nashville?

00:32:35
Speaker 1: Because Sean lived here, and so when we got engaged, he came to Vancouver, where I was living, and we stayed there for a few months, and then we moved to Nashville.

00:32:43
Speaker 3: The Bobby Cast will be right back. This is the Bobby Cast.

00:32:57
Speaker 2: Is this home now?

00:32:58
Speaker 1: Yes? I've been here for ten year, which is crazy.

00:33:00
Speaker 2: Oh oh you have been here a long time. Yes, I've been here thirteen. So around this way?

00:33:04
Speaker 1: So where you said again? I forget where you said you grew up.

00:33:07
Speaker 2: I grew up in Arkansas. It's all right, yeah, okay, have you ever been there?

00:33:10
Speaker 4: No?

00:33:10
Speaker 1: But I really want to go to oh, what's it called where the people who own Walmart?

00:33:16
Speaker 2: Like Bentonville?

00:33:16
Speaker 1: Bentonville.

00:33:17
Speaker 2: You want to go to that town?

00:33:18
Speaker 1: I do because my best friend moved there and she said it's they like redid the whole city, Like it's.

00:33:25
Speaker 2: Northwest Arkansas is awesome. Yeah yeah, it's where also the University of Arkansas is. It's the best. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.

00:33:31
Speaker 1: Have you ever been in Canada?

00:33:33
Speaker 2: Yeah? Toronto. Thought somebody was robbing me. They were just giving me directions.

00:33:38
Speaker 1: Oh.

00:33:38
Speaker 2: I was on my phone. I was like, I can't find this restaurant and someone comes up behind me, and I was like, oh God, and they were like, we can help you. And I was like this the kindest I know people ever.

00:33:48
Speaker 1: They really are. Like I whenever I go back home, especially the province of Alberta where I grew up, and I feel like people, it's just so boring there and there's really nothing to do, and we call ourselves just prayer people, where we would just have fun going out into the middle of a bush and just having some beers and like laughing at that's.

00:34:03
Speaker 2: A small town rural Arkansas too.

00:34:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just that's crazy that you've never had a drink as or a reason or is that personal?

00:34:10
Speaker 2: Both? Okay, but I talk about it. I mean's it's personal. But I've talked about it a lot. Oh okay, I like that. You don't know anything about me, so I don't.

00:34:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have to get bad.

00:34:17
Speaker 2: But my mom had me. She take it pregnant fifteen, okay. She was an attic. Died in her forties. My dad left when I was like five. He's an attic. He's still around, not me. I don't know him. Yeah, so had addicted parents.

00:34:34
Speaker 1: Yeah that makes sense.

00:34:35
Speaker 2: One that was never there, one that was there, but she even my mom left and I was adopted, So it was just a lot of that, and so early on I was like, hey, I don't want to do that.

00:34:43
Speaker 1: Well, wow, that could have went one of two ways.

00:34:46
Speaker 2: That's exactly right, and it would have gone the other way for sure, because I get addicted to everything that I do, and I think some of its insecurity because I want to prove that I'm worthy.

00:34:55
Speaker 1: Of course, that makes so much sense, it does. I mean, I was thinking that I never want to say it up loud, but that I'm sure you've known that about yourself. That makes a lot of sense.

00:35:05
Speaker 2: And I talk about an a therapy a lot. Well, yeah, my whole career is based off of fear. Fear, see, yeah, And I have had a great career and I've grew up very poor and now I'm not. Yeah, and so all the things are right, but still there's still so much insecurity that really I have awareness of. It's not gone. I just have awareness of it. And that's the value of me going to therapy.

00:35:29
Speaker 1: I relate to this very much, not to the parents, being like my dad actually was an attic. He's thirty five years sober, and my mom and they were just the most loving parents, like that I could ever ask for it. But I felt like my worth really came from performance and dance and how I looked and how I came across and just not like who I was inside. And so I grew up very much thinking like I had to look a certain way. I had to be the best at dance, I had to be the best. I had to be the most popular girl at school, and I would get praised for those kinds of things, even though my parents still like, really like I was a very unique kid.

00:36:05
Speaker 2: I was.

00:36:05
Speaker 1: I was very shy at first and then very outgoing, and I had the most offside sense of humor. I swear all the time, I would drink all the time. They just let me be who I was. But my worth was always on performing and winning and being the best. So I get that.

00:36:25
Speaker 2: I don't so much enjoy winning as I hate losing, because if I lose, I feel like everybody thinks I'm less than them.

00:36:30
Speaker 1: Yeah I'm the exact, even to a point where I've worked on this in therapy, Like I get competitive in relationships because I don't like to feel less than my partner, which is so silly.

00:36:46
Speaker 2: I have a wife that is smarter than me, and it's been really hard for me to deal with that because I've always been the smartest person. And that was definitely it's a weird thing to say. Both are weird that I was in this, but yeah, that's it's it's weird.

00:37:00
Speaker 1: Being My therapist always says, because I'm like, well, at least I'm self aware, Like I know when I'm being ridiculous, i know when i'm being competitive, i know when I'm being reactive. I'm so self aware, and she goes, I would say that's self reflective. I don't know if you're self aware. And I was like, oh, to quote Tom berdron out out.

00:37:22
Speaker 2: To quote Tom Burger on oh gosh, I found like because I did a lot of stand up yeah, or would play music or would you know in the radio show, Not so much the radio show with like receiving praise in real time, but I would go out and I think I only started performing to find love, like some kind of love, not romantic love, but just any sort of love at all. Yeah, Like, and it was like it's like I feel loved, I'm funny, I'm awesome. But then when it would really suck as you go back to your hotel room after a show. I've just done a theater and you're like kind of alone again.

00:38:00
Speaker 1: Well, it's the high highs and the lows, and you feel those very much. I'm the same way. I really feel. I being like content is weird for me. I either want to be like yeah. Either I'm either like really low and like I'm not doing enough and I'm a failure. Or I'm really high and I go, okay, I love being here, or I need to stay here.

00:38:19
Speaker 2: How do you do with vulnerability?

00:38:21
Speaker 1: I okay again, Everyone that follows me online would say I'm the most vulnerable person. People stop me and say thank you for being so vulnerable, and then my therapist tells me that I'm terrible at it. She goes, you hate being vulnerable, and I think I'm just good at being self reflective. I think I'm good at I could talk about my insecurities all day long, but I don't like sitting in discomfort, which is also vulnerability. So if there's like bad things happening, or someone's in an argument with me, or like someone wants to say I was dating someone and we got in a fight, I want to just be like, Nope, it's not happening, and I'll go sleep and I'll ignore it and pretend it's not happening. I have a really hard time sitting in discomfort, so like yes and no to be vulnerable.

00:39:05
Speaker 2: Similar I'm excellent at performative vulnerability, which is true, It's all true. But if I'm doing it, and I think I'm doing it for a larger reason, man, my first book ate me up because I put it all out and that was not that hard for me. But when one person would want to talk to me about it one on one, or like even especially with like my wife or like a close friend, I'm really bad there the same, Yeah, really bad there. Yeah, I'm not very good at being vulnerable one on one.

00:39:37
Speaker 1: I wonder what that is because I'm the exact same, and I don't like performative always sounds so bad to me because I'm not going to name his name people will know anyways. But one of my exes like just felt very performative to me, and I can't stand when people just can't be who they are and to me. I sometimes I would podcast about vulnerability and I'd like do research more on it to talk like I would to have more knowledgeable And then I'm like, am I doing this to get something and to feel connection with other people? Or am I doing it because I really want to talk about it? And I've had to check myself so many times to make sure I'm not being performative. But you're right, that's a real thing, and it's true.

00:40:17
Speaker 2: Both can be true. Yeah, yeah, two things can be true at once.

00:40:19
Speaker 1: That's I used to call myself a walking contradiction. But then my therapist how many times drink every time I say I agrapas would say, no, You're just like a walking image of two things can be true at once. You hold those two, you do that, And I'm like, that's a good point. I really do. And I think people always think, Like when people are like are you happy, I'm like, what hour is it? I don't know? Being happy is You're supposed to, as a human being, feel a range of emotions daily. So am I happy right now in this moment? Sure? But like that's small talk for you.

00:40:51
Speaker 2: I guess I don't have a range. What do you mean my battle has been my emotion? Is this all the time?

00:41:00
Speaker 1: Really?

00:41:00
Speaker 2: I know I ever get sad, but I never get that happy. And now my wife has changed me at like my core at that because she comes from a very healthy family. She knows how to love, she knows how to say it, she knows how to show it, she knows how to receive it. I'm the worst at receiving it, wow, because it never felt like I deserved it, Like if they really got to know the real me, they wouldn't love me as always been kind of.

00:41:23
Speaker 1: But that makes so much sense with what you've been through in your life.

00:41:26
Speaker 2: So it's just here because I feel like if I know you have no expectations, I can't get hurt. But the problem is if you don't have the ability to go down, you don't have the ability to go up right you can It's a pendulum, yeah, like you can only go as high as you do low and so go too far well, And I think both are different kinds of I don't want to say problems, but different kinds of bills we pay to work through with our therapists.

00:41:49
Speaker 1: Yes, my gosh, she makes a great living off of me.

00:41:52
Speaker 2: Let's do more superlatives for some of the stars. Because I didn't I didn't come up with these, but I think this is fun and you can throw one back at me too, But who is like the coolest pro Pasha?

00:42:04
Speaker 1: Why Danielle's husband there? There is something just so did you ever meet him?

00:42:12
Speaker 2: They came in after Its okay?

00:42:13
Speaker 1: So Pasha is just so sure of himself and his relationship with Daniella. They have so much love and respect for one another. He is so patient and kind, He's very undercover, funny, and the way he dances is just so smooth and cool, and I just if you're a dancer, I feel like a lot of dancers feel like the need to be on at all times, and Pasha just doesn't feel that way to me. He's like, even when he's on, he still it feels like he's just himself. And that's what I think is cool about him.

00:42:48
Speaker 2: I'm going to give mind a vow for a couple of reasons. One, he freaking plays a violin at a high level.

00:42:57
Speaker 1: I know that's the coolest thing.

00:42:58
Speaker 2: And it's two things that traditionally men wouldn't go A dance and violin player. That's masculine. That dude is a masculine dancing violin player. And he's also so not was so nice to.

00:43:11
Speaker 1: Me, really, yeah, was because I heard he's tough in the ballroom all they.

00:43:18
Speaker 2: All yeah, yeah, yeah, And my partner was really hard on me. She should have been. She wouldn't have got out of me what she got out of me. But we also had the conversation early like I was like, hey, I have to be coached yea, and you cannot coach me too hard because we have the same goal and it is to win.

00:43:34
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:43:34
Speaker 2: She thought it was crazy because she thought there was no chance we were going to win. She had made the finals multiple times and with a backstreet boy with a pro player, never won, so I was her first win of all people. But yeah, you can't coach me too hard. But we did have that conversation early where you got to if I need it, and we fought, Oh I bet.

00:43:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like they all do.

00:43:54
Speaker 2: Yeah. You're just close to that person so much that you fight with your friends occasionally. Yeah, and that relationship and you had it with your party. You're just together so much.

00:44:02
Speaker 1: Well, And I don't like being told what to do me either.

00:44:05
Speaker 2: And something you said earlier was you go in you have to learn. We're toddlers again.

00:44:09
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And I don't like being bad at something. And as I came in as people thinking I'm a dancer. So then I felt like I was just disappointing everybody with not being able to pick things up.

00:44:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, I go and I'm running like shows and I got multiple podcasts, I got TV shows on, and all of a sudden, in that room, I am the lowest of low, not as a human but at my skill level. Yeah, and I'm not used to that because I'm used to running everything because I've built everything myself. Yes, it is a hard check.

00:44:38
Speaker 1: Oh, you have hyper independence, like hyper yes, and I don't. I don't really know where. I think my hyper independence comes from the fact that I thought, and I was taught to believe, that I would just find a man to rely on and that that's what would make me happy. And so when I quit dancing, I found a very successful hockey player, as a Canadian does, and I went, oh my god, how great. I'm not gonna work, I'm going to travel. I get to follow him around and he makes great money, and I learned so quickly that that is not the life for me. And that was when something shifted in me, because he broke my heart to like to a point where I actually had to go see like psychiatric help because I was like, I'm not okay. I need help. And I've said this before on a podcast. I actually got addicted to valume. I was on antidepressants, which I still am on antidepressants, but I like just was like, I can take a pill and numb myself and not feel anything. This is awesome. I moved in with my parents back at the age of like twenty seven, and I was like then, I was like, I'm a loser. So I got my act together. I started building myself back up. I started going to therapy, and then I felt like that's when I really needed to prove, like I could do everything by myself. I will never rely on a man because I was just relying on him emotionally.

00:45:55
Speaker 2: Oh so hard. Wasn't too hard? So too hard?

00:45:57
Speaker 1: Where now it's a coping mechanism and I still work on that, Like I just want to do I want to prove that I can do everything by myself because well, mostly with men. But it's all because of a heartbreak?

00:46:11
Speaker 2: Is it because of the heartbreak? It's it's not.

00:46:13
Speaker 1: Dad, Oh God, my Dad's my hero. He's the best man I've ever met in my life and like the bar is so high he is, and I think it's because he's sober. He's so consistent. He does AA. He will not miss an AA meeting every Monday, and it's the steps they go through every Monday. It's just so cool because he lives a life that he's just so proud of and he's just the kindest man I've ever met. So no daddy issues for me.

00:46:41
Speaker 2: Are they still together your mom and dad?

00:46:42
Speaker 1: No, they're friends though they like still talk and text and SA happy Birthday, And it wasn't it was. It was a little messy there for a minute. But they divorced when I was eighteen years old, which was kind of like, it's.

00:46:53
Speaker 2: An odd time to divorce, very odd. You're not even there with Did you live with them at eighteen?

00:46:58
Speaker 1: I did. I moved out at nineteen. Yeah, And it was it was just one of those things where my sister and I were both like, Okay, you guys, it's time, like you don't have.

00:47:07
Speaker 2: To hold on. Yeah.

00:47:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, But they're both remarried and have been for a very long time to the most wonderful people that make sense for them. I can't even imagine my parents together. My mom is such a firecracker and she is so wild and crazy, and my dad is just like so even keeled. And now he's with somebody else who's very calm, and then my mom's with somebody who just loves her chaotic like energy. And oh, I'm a mixture of both. I would say I'm definitely more my mom. And if people meet my mom, they go, wow, the apple does not fall far. And then if my best friend, like my best friend has spent time with my dad and she's like, oh, that's where your kind heart comes from, I'm like, cause he's just the best.

00:47:52
Speaker 4: Let's take a quick pause for a message from our sponsor and we're back on the Bobby Cast.

00:48:07
Speaker 2: When have they been the most proud of you?

00:48:10
Speaker 1: See, that's a tricky one because I think my dad has been the most proud of me, like as of recently, because of staying humble and not letting everything get to my head. I feel like he I thought he was going to tell me he was dying because he was like, Caitlin, can I he comes to visit me all the time. He's like, can I just take you in another room and talk to you for a second about something? And I'm like you're dying because my brain goes Doomsday all the time. And he went through all of my accomplishments and he was like, this is kind of the same thing as what I was saying earlier. He was like, but I am the most proud of you for just who you are as a person today, and so I feel like he's the most proud of me for that. My mom, I would say, she does deep down feel the same way, but she is such a like she's like me the mirror ball. It felt like she won the.

00:48:56
Speaker 2: Mirror ball, like she was a ballerine, I know.

00:48:59
Speaker 1: And she's just like I think she's really I think she's really the most proud of my accomplishments.

00:49:08
Speaker 2: Which it's cool that you're kind of covered on both sides, and you know what, they both are probably also proud of the other thing.

00:49:13
Speaker 1: Too, Yeah, for sure, Like I.

00:49:15
Speaker 2: Don't think that it's your dad's just who you are. I think he's also proud the work that you've put in, yes, and your mom the opposite. But it's cool that you kind of covered on both sides.

00:49:23
Speaker 1: Well, my mom definitely, I think has a little bit of like she should have done this, Like she definitely gave up her dream of dancing to marry my dad, and then she became a mom, and then she felt like she really lost herself. So I feel like she kind of likes to live vicariously through me, which is sometimes like ah, and other times I'm like I get it. I'd be the same way.

00:49:44
Speaker 2: If they asked you to come back and do Dancing with the Stars again, would you do.

00:49:47
Speaker 1: It without a doubt?

00:49:49
Speaker 2: Yeah? Really?

00:49:49
Speaker 1: What about you? I was actually talking to Kevin about this earlier. I worked out with him this morning and we were talking about an All Star season and I was like, I'm going to ask him if he would do that, because I'm very, very curious.

00:50:04
Speaker 2: You'd have to No, I'm going to say something from what I know. They're obviously not doing another All Star season that I know.

00:50:13
Speaker 1: I don't know anything I try and get them to all the time.

00:50:15
Speaker 2: I have been asked because it has become a thing that I have been bad and if I would come back and just be a part of it again, what do you mean that I can tell you? But interesting, I think I'm kind of like an anomaly that they would want to see if that anomaly would repeat itself. And you say, no, I've not said anything.

00:50:48
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, because it's not been.

00:50:50
Speaker 2: A hey, we want to offer. I don't think. I don't know.

00:50:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm picking up what you're putting in.

00:50:54
Speaker 2: I really have nothing to gain by it, right, And I think one of the weird things of me winning is people like, well, you use your audience.

00:51:04
Speaker 1: It's a voting show.

00:51:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, and everybody uses whatever audience that got them there, if it's social media. Because I work.

00:51:09
Speaker 1: Currently the TikTok star, she's got like a hundred million followers, of course she's gonna win.

00:51:14
Speaker 2: People are like, well, you you talk to your audience every morning and they voted on your radio show or your podcast. And I'm like, yes, that's that's that's accurate.

00:51:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you did that TikTok the other day or maybe it was Instagram whatever, it was about, like this is my impression of Dancing with the Stars fans because they don't make sense.

00:51:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like they hold it against you for having dance experience. Yeah, this is just about dance, and then they do the opposite when it fits the narrative that they want. Because I felt like Whitney was really good, she was una really good the ball.

00:51:46
Speaker 1: I was sitting in the audience when she got sent home, and I like grabbed the two people behind beside me. I grabbed their arms and I like gasped audibly. I was like, because I'm like, that just goes to show the internet is so powerful and mean that they rallied together to send her home and crush her dreams because they didn't like her character on the Mormon Wives, and that the next.

00:52:10
Speaker 2: Day I went on and I've not watched Mormon Wife, so I said, somebody explained to me what her character is because they voted her the Mormon Wife off, not the Dancing with the Stars contestant, because I liked the Dancing with the Stars contestant and I didn't know her from Mormon Wives.

00:52:23
Speaker 1: Say I didn't. She's been on my podcast. I love her as a person. I've seen clips of Mormon Wives and I'm like, oh, not the best look. But it's also she has to fit. People need to realize that reality TV casts for certain personalities. They need a mean girl, they need a bully, they need a funny one. They need it's otherwise you're getting the same person. And Whitney just happens to be a person who speaks her mind. She's brutally honest, and people were so mad that she said I came back for season three of Mormon Wise to be on the dance the start of the stress, and I thought that was so honest of her.

00:52:57
Speaker 2: Yes, honest. You should be rewarded for that.

00:52:59
Speaker 1: And it's like, oh, I'm sorry. Do you think people go on reality TV because they have hopes and dreams of like just like it's my dream to be on TV? Like yeah, it is.

00:53:08
Speaker 2: Like capping out at that. Yeah, yeah, I thought I thought it was unfair. She was awesome, so awesome, and I don't know her at all, and yeah, the fans are weird and we'll rap, but I'll go first, most vulnerable time on Dancing with the Stars. I'm gonna ask you yours. I'll give you mine, Okay.

00:53:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, I give you yours.

00:53:29
Speaker 2: The social media ugliness had become such a point for me in the past, in the final few weeks, because this is the time when they would do the real bottom three. I don't know if they did that in your season or not, but now they've changed it. They just like the random three people and one of them's going home.

00:53:44
Speaker 1: No they did it the same, they changed it from mine.

00:53:47
Speaker 2: Okay, so mine was the bottom three. I was never in the bottom three. Yeah, So people were pissed all the time that I wasn't in the bottom three. And I the last three weeks of that show read day before I would practice, before we would go to bed, I would read The freaking Little Engine That Could, the.

00:54:04
Speaker 1: Book Bless Your Little Cause.

00:54:07
Speaker 2: Because I was just like, I gotta have something simple to get me through this. And I would read that and just be like, none of this stuff matters. And the book was like, it's like this thick, but it's like eight pages. Yeah, and it's literally about.

00:54:20
Speaker 1: I love that, And I still have the exact book.

00:54:24
Speaker 2: I read The Little Engine That Could every day for three weeks to get me through the like the emotional part of it for me, because it was so ugly for me.

00:54:32
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:54:33
Speaker 2: And at the same time, I was so just hell bent on winning that show.

00:54:36
Speaker 1: I want you to go to Hoffman so bad.

00:54:39
Speaker 2: Have you ever heard of this, Seymour?

00:54:41
Speaker 1: No, it's an inner child.

00:54:44
Speaker 3: Oh.

00:54:44
Speaker 2: I saw a clip of you going. I mentioned Hoffman seventy three times. I didn't even know what Hoffman was, but I saw you talking about how much you say Hoffman, it's it's.

00:54:51
Speaker 1: All about working on your inner child and like healing that part of you.

00:54:56
Speaker 2: I've got to on site.

00:54:57
Speaker 1: Okay, on site's great. I've been too. It's this is a little more of a deep dive in Hoffman. It's a little more intense and it changed. It really did change my whole life. But talk about vulnerability, Wow, that was I was like literally crying on the floor in front of like thirty people about that.

00:55:15
Speaker 2: Hawkman.

00:55:16
Speaker 1: Yeah. But yeah, that's so sweet that you read that, because that is it probably like felt like a childlike thing to do, which makes everybody happy. Plus it was something simple that gave you the message that you needed every day, and you really were the little engine that.

00:55:32
Speaker 2: I was, a freaking little engine. I know. It's it. It makes me a bit emotional thinking back about it, because because a kid's book meant that much to me during that.

00:55:42
Speaker 1: Time, I want to cry. That's really sweet.

00:55:44
Speaker 2: Don't glam looks great?

00:55:45
Speaker 1: Oh god does it? Okay, my most vulnerable see I had. My experience was so different because I was so hated as the bachelorette that I got death threats. People would go as far as like photoshopping me in a dumpster saying that's where I belong. They read mean tweets on my like mentell all episode that were just like like, now I can laugh at it because Chris Harrison was literally reading Caitlin, shut your horror legs and stop being a little slut. You are a terrible example for my daughter and blah blah, and I just got torn apart just for being myself. And you know, they needed to change up the bachelorette format. They always had the girl next door of the America, Suvira. So it was such a change for me because I got so much love on Dancing with the Stars and the fandom was like whatever they are called, they were so good to me, and I was like, wow, this is a really nice change. But my vulnerability came from every week. I felt like I was not making artem proud. And I remember one time he had just I think he was just fed up with me, which happens with every couple, and I just could not stop sobbing, and he was like, I thought you were a dancer, and it like just and I remember going home that night and I laid in the shower crying as I did most nights and bandaged up everywhere, and for some reason, this is actually crazy. I smelled my grandma and I went, that is such a distinct smell. And I set out loud I smell my grandma and the lights went out in the bathroom and I just screamed for my partner at the time, and he came in and he goes, why are the lights off? I went, I don't know. I said, try and turn them on. He turned them on and they wouldn't go on, but every other room worked and then the lights just went back on after that. And I my sign for like asking for anything of like guidance. I always asked for blinking lights or like flashing lights.

00:57:43
Speaker 2: Really, so you'd ask for that prior always.

00:57:45
Speaker 1: Wow, I've been asking for it for years and I and I remember just like it's a different kind of vulnerability. But I remember just feeling like so aligned, and I was like, I have to just believe in myself and what I'm doing and just battle through this pain. And what Artam says to me, he doesn't mean in the moment, he's just frustrated. He just knows we have the ability to possibly win. And it was just like a really changing moment for me.

00:58:10
Speaker 2: And that that's wild.

00:58:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was crazy, and now I see it like flashing lights happened to me, especially so when I came up out of Hoffmann, I went to Hawaii by myself and went to.

00:58:21
Speaker 2: Why by myself wants to? He did all by myself?

00:58:24
Speaker 1: Is it the best?

00:58:25
Speaker 2: Well? People thought it was. I went to finish a book and people I was like, hey, I'm going on a hike and I said, we take a picture of me. They were like, yeah, where's the other person? Just me? Other than that? Yeah, yeah, Yeah, it's such.

00:58:36
Speaker 1: A spiritual place and it's like my happy It's my Disneyland.

00:58:39
Speaker 2: That's why I just went to the doll banana plant. You did like cool things?

00:58:42
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Oh that's funny. And I remember being in Hawaii and I was like, I feel so like high on life right now. And I was still asking for signs of blinking lights. I have a video of it. I went into my bathroom to wash my face that night and the light above me and my hotel room was just blinking and I was like thank you, and I just kept saying thank you. And then I went out and I said, God, I just really want to see like whales and just I'll show you the videos after these whales were just like breaching out and like I've never seen and people were screaming because they've never seen anything so crazy. And then I went, you know what, I'm going to google how to get a Hawaiian blessing on a relationship with myself, because I know they do it for married couples, and I was gonna ask for a blessing for it all myself. And this guy came and met me, cutest little man, and it started raining and all these sea turtles just started coming up to my feet and he was like, I've never seen this before, and I was like, dude, I am so aligned right now. I'm like I think I am a turtle. Like I was just so into it. And then I came home and got my phone back and everything went shit.

00:59:46
Speaker 2: But that's what happened when you get your phone back. Yes, you get your phone. Yeah, we were talking about your podcast before you came on, and but I just won't say congratulations, like you built something really cool.

00:59:54
Speaker 1: Thank you. It's my favorite thing that I do. I just I love having just like conversation like this. It's nice to do it also with somebody who is obviously a pro, because I'm sure you've had experiences where you're like, this is pulling teeth.

01:00:08
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And I was looking forward to this. I knew it would to be pulling teeth and it was something I wanted to talk about. Yeah.

01:00:14
Speaker 1: Do you feel like we talked about everything.

01:00:15
Speaker 2: You wanted to talk about? I don't know. I won't know till later, Oh, because I haven't really I don't even have any notes, right, So it was just like I just wanted to kind of talk about it with somebody who understood it, who wasn't hearing me talk about it, but could actually listen and talk back about the experience. That's why it was valuable for you to be here. So I really appreciate that.

01:00:32
Speaker 1: No, I was honored that you asked me, and I really do, I really do think you should get it back and here. It's just because you did work so hard for that, and it doesn't matter what people want to take away from you, Like they can't take that away from you. You literally took it away from.

01:00:48
Speaker 2: But also one and a little bit of it was for like, if I'm really going to be like this sucks, like I need to do something about it. I'm going to mail it back. But I hear you're right.

01:01:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know you're right, but you're like a little doggie with your tail, with your Yeah, but I might be I think I just where was it? Was it up there?

01:01:08
Speaker 2: No neighbors at home?

01:01:10
Speaker 1: Oh?

01:01:10
Speaker 2: I ad it at home? Oh yeah.

01:01:12
Speaker 1: I want you to have it back. You deserve it, all right.

01:01:15
Speaker 2: Well, Caitlin, thank you forgoting.

01:01:16
Speaker 1: Thank you.

01:01:16
Speaker 4: This has a thank you, thanks for listening to a Bobby Cast production.