382 | "Imposter Syndrome" in Therapy: Why It's Time to Let It Go

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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we are going to talk about

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A very common phrase,

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but my least favorite phrase,

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maybe not my least favorite,

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but

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it is certainly on my top five list of least favorite

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phrases that therapists tend to have a propensity to say.

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Imposter syndrome.

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And

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I know that I've referenced it here and there,

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and I know that I've randomly said,

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y'all need to stop.

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But it's gotten to a point where I just can't take it anymore.

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And when I can't take something,

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I have to do something about it.

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So,

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here we are.

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We're gonna process this.

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And let me begin with,

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if you are someone that says you have

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imposter syndrome or you struggle with imposter syndrome,

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or you feel like an impostor

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or any of those things,

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this is not

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accusational,

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this is not judgmental,

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this is not critical.

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I want to provide dialogue

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so that we can move past this.

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So,

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please do not feel like this is an attack.

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This is not,

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you need to knock it off,

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but you should.

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And

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I'm gonna give some reasoning,

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some rationale.

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Hopefully,

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when we get to the end of this,

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you're going to see.

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A different side of things.

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But here's what I know.

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This is being

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coached,

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taught,

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and talked about in grad school.

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So these seeds are getting planted

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when we actually don't know what we're doing,

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and we actually are new to the field

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and we don't have enough hours under our belt,

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and we're very green and very new and we're rookies,

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and we have this notion that is introduced to us

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that

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We have imposter syndrome.

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And we're not really who we say that we are,

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we're just pretending.

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Well,

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I understand in theory where that comes from.

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I understand that

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when you are pretending to be someone that you're not,

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that does in fact make you an imposter.

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But in the world of CCPT,

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If you know the model.

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And you are adherent

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to the model.

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And you prioritize relationship above all else,

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even in the midst of your lack of skills,

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even in the midst of your lack of experience,

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even in the midst of your self-doubt,

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if you prioritize relationship,

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It all works out in the end.

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And there is nothing impostory

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about that.

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Are you showing up?

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Are you present?

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Are you faithful?

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Are you engaged?

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Are you communicating the bee with attitudes?

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Are you building bond and rapport and trust with that kid?

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Are you trusting the process?

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Are you waiting it out instead of having an agenda?

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You're not an imposter,

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you're CCPT.

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And

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I've gotten to a point where when someone says it,

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it's like,

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I want to crawl out of my skin

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because

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self-fulfilling prophecy is a thing,

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y'all,

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we know this.

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How many kids have we seen walk through our

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doors

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into play sessions

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and they've been labeled or branded

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or relegated as the bad kid.

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And they behave like it.

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And they can't even change their behavior because when they try,

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everyone in their life wants them to stay

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the bad kid.

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So even when they actually start to improve and when therapy does what therapy does,

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and they start to make changes and they become a better version of themselves,

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they're still stuck

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with this self-fulfilling prophecy

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phenomenon,

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keeping them trapped

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as the bad kid.

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When we say,

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think and believe things about ourselves

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as therapists,

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as CCPTs.

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It better be positive.

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It better be encouraging,

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it better be uplifting.

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It better be all the things that we

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want to be.

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If we can extend grace

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and understanding and acceptance and patience

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and forgiveness

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and all of these things to our kids,

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that's at the heart of CCPT.

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How are we so incapable of doing that for ourselves?

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And every single time you utter the words or even think them,

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maybe,

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maybe you don't say them out loud.

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Maybe you're a people pleaser or you're a perfectionist,

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and so you would never actually say them out loud.

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You just think it to yourself all the time.

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Man,

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I'm such an impostor.

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This is just impostor syndrome rearing its ugly head.

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Whether you're thinking them or saying them.

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It's Pygmalion effect,

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y'all.

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If you're not familiar with that,

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look it up.

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Really interesting study.

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If you're not familiar with the self-fulfilling prophecy study,

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look that up too.

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We get a sense of who we are.

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And we start to

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gravitate toward the direction

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that we think most aligns

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with what we believe ourselves to be.

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So if every single time you turn around,

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you're going,

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I have no idea what I'm doing.

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I'm an imposter.

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I don't even understand this whole CCPT thing.

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I,

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I'm just faking it.

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I,

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I have no clue.

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I've,

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I've only done this 6 hours.

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Like,

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who,

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who am I?

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What do I know?

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What,

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every time you say that to yourself.

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It makes you less likely to master this model.

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Because

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you're going to.

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Veer

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over

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to that as a reality.

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Speak into truth

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what you want.

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I'll figure this out.

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I'm gonna work hard.

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I'm going to master this.

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I'm going to climb the summit.

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I'm going to understand how to reflect feelings more appropriately.

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I know enough.

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I'm prioritizing relationship.

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I'm focusing on the be with attitudes.

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I'm showing up every single day and I'm giving kids everything I have.

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Those are the things that we should be saying to ourselves.

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But that's not what we say to ourselves at all.

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More often than not,

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we're very negative and very critical.

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And we have nothing nice to say about ourselves.

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I,

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I was on a coaching call.

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I'm probably gonna get in trouble with my coaching folks.

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I love y'all.

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Don't be mad at me.

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I was on a coaching call last week

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and it was like the 4th coaching call in a row

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where when we got to the end of the video review and the therapist talked to

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the person that shared their video and they share thoughts,

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and the goal of that is like,

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you know,

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what,

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what skill did you notice or what stood out for you or

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what's something that you want to share that's encouraging to the therapist.

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And

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it was like the 4th call in a row

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where the therapists were just being therapists.

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And so,

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it was like,

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I just really want to validate

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that

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and I just,

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I really want to honor that

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and I really want to just appreciate that

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and thank you for being vulnerable.

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And,

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and I'm listening to this and I'm like,

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gosh,

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we just,

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we can be so

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CCPT

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to others.

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Where we can be such therapists to others.

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We're so understanding and we're so loving and we're so kind and we're so supportive

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and like we know all the things to say

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when we have our therapist hat on.

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And then what are the things that we're

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saying and thinking and believing about ourselves?

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Usually the polar opposite.

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Why are we doing this to ourselves?

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It,

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uh,

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the why matters.

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Why are we doing this to ourselves?

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If you want to become a master of CCPT.

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Say to yourself,

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I'm going to master this model.

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I'm working hard to figure this out.

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I am identifying my weaknesses,

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and I am pouring into honing those skills.

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I'm going to give everything I have until I can figure out this limit setting skill.

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Why are we not saying those things to ourselves?

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If those are our goals.

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We wallow all day in,

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oh,

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I have imposter syndrome.

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What are we doing

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I,

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I cannot even wrap my brain around it.

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So my encouragement,

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my

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charge,

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my challenge.

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Every time

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you have any thought that pops into your head about your skills,

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about what you're capable of,

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about your competence,

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about your confidence,

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about your experience,

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about whatever,

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anything that might pop up that you normally would be negative about yourself.

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I sure hope that my voice pops into your head.

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And I sure hope that you hear me saying to you.

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You are enough.

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Your skills are enough,

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your experience is enough,

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your knowledge of the model is enough,

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you showing up is enough.

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The relationship is the most important thing.

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Are you gonna flub some skills?

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Almost unequivocally.

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Are you going to look back and go,

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Dang,

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I totally royally screwed that up.

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Yep.

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Are you gonna go,

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Oh,

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that was a little bit of a train wreck cause I tried to set a limit and not,

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uh,

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even anything close to a limit came out of my mouth.

283
00:09:25,609 --> 00:09:25,770
Yep,

284
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that happens too.

285
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It doesn't make you an imposter.

286
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:31,849
It makes you someone that's on a journey

287
00:09:32,219 --> 00:09:33,289
toward mastery,

288
00:09:33,750 --> 00:09:35,859
and it means that you haven't arrived yet and,

289
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:36,510
and look,

290
00:09:36,590 --> 00:09:36,950
y'all,

291
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:37,809
PSA

292
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:39,469
you never arrive.

293
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,539
I don't care how long you've been doing this.

294
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,320
I don't care how skilled you are,

295
00:09:44,479 --> 00:09:46,780
I don't care how much mastery you've achieved,

296
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,700
there is always more

297
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:49,440
to learn.

298
00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:52,429
There is always higher

299
00:09:52,729 --> 00:09:53,940
things to pursue.

300
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,299
So you're never gonna get to your point where you're like,

301
00:09:57,460 --> 00:09:57,960
OK,

302
00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:58,840
I am,

303
00:09:59,020 --> 00:09:59,700
I did my work,

304
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:00,179
I'm done.

305
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:01,169
I can coast now.

306
00:10:01,239 --> 00:10:02,320
That's not how it goes.

307
00:10:03,650 --> 00:10:04,940
There's always more to learn.

308
00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:06,429
So

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00:10:06,609 --> 00:10:08,489
I hope that this encourages you.

310
00:10:08,599 --> 00:10:12,409
I hope that we can stop saying the phrase imposter syndrome.

311
00:10:13,119 --> 00:10:15,760
I hope that we take over the entire therapy world.

312
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:16,159
Look,

313
00:10:16,359 --> 00:10:16,479
I,

314
00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:19,219
I don't have influence and sway over all of therapists.

315
00:10:19,450 --> 00:10:22,099
I do have influence and sway over CCPTs.

316
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,020
So my hope is that at least within CCPTs.

317
00:10:26,950 --> 00:10:28,640
We don't ever say that phrase

318
00:10:29,030 --> 00:10:32,969
because there is nothing about what we do in child-centered play therapy

319
00:10:33,469 --> 00:10:34,250
that is

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00:10:34,830 --> 00:10:36,049
anything close to imposter.

321
00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:39,609
We love our kids,

322
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we accept our kids,

323
00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:42,809
we trust the process,

324
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:45,010
and we pour into building relationships.

325
00:10:45,369 --> 00:10:46,390
That is enough.

326
00:10:48,219 --> 00:10:51,460
Do we need to work on our skills and our mastery and,

327
00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:52,979
and having competence and confidence?

328
00:10:53,049 --> 00:10:53,799
Of course,

329
00:10:54,510 --> 00:10:56,299
we don't ignore that.

330
00:10:57,039 --> 00:10:59,010
And in lieu of working on that,

331
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:00,510
we just focus on relationship,

332
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,640
but relationship is always the priority and

333
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,400
it's always the most important component.

334
00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:06,510
So,

335
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:07,409
for your sake,

336
00:11:07,599 --> 00:11:08,729
for your kids' sake,

337
00:11:09,039 --> 00:11:10,440
for your practice's sake,

338
00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:12,650
for the sustainability in this field's sake,

339
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:13,679
for my sake,

340
00:11:13,919 --> 00:11:14,640
for God's sake,

341
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:15,799
for everybody's sake,

342
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,599
can we please stop saying imposter syndrome?

343
00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:19,559
Stop thinking it,

344
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,400
stop believing it,

345
00:11:20,510 --> 00:11:21,419
stop saying it.

346
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:23,719
None of us are impostors.

347
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,190
You might be new,

348
00:11:26,609 --> 00:11:28,000
you might be green,

349
00:11:28,289 --> 00:11:29,739
you might be inexperienced.

350
00:11:29,929 --> 00:11:32,049
You might be just figuring this out.

351
00:11:32,239 --> 00:11:34,830
You might have never heard of CCPT until yesterday,

352
00:11:35,049 --> 00:11:35,369
and man,

353
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,429
am I glad you're here if you are that new.

354
00:11:38,169 --> 00:11:40,049
You are in the spot you need to be in

355
00:11:40,049 --> 00:11:42,390
if you want to learn more about child-centered play therapy.

356
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:45,270
But none of those adjectives

357
00:11:45,690 --> 00:11:47,570
are synonyms with imposter.

358
00:11:48,849 --> 00:11:50,039
So we're going to ditch it.

359
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,229
We're going to leave it where it belongs.

360
00:11:53,219 --> 00:11:55,250
And we're going to embrace the notion that

361
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:57,419
we are becoming better versions of ourselves.

362
00:11:57,979 --> 00:11:59,320
We are works in progress.

363
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:03,729
So just because you don't have something down and mastered.

364
00:12:04,669 --> 00:12:06,489
It just means that you're still working.

365
00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:08,340
That's something to celebrate,

366
00:12:08,429 --> 00:12:09,330
not to lament,

367
00:12:09,669 --> 00:12:11,650
and it's certainly not worthy of a label

368
00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:14,489
that's negative and critical and depressing and defeating.

369
00:12:15,799 --> 00:12:16,030
So,

370
00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:17,119
I love you all.

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00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,080
If you want to email me with your thoughts,

372
00:12:19,169 --> 00:12:19,719
comments,

373
00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:20,479
questions,

374
00:12:20,599 --> 00:12:21,619
something you want me to answer,

375
00:12:21,799 --> 00:12:22,320
please do so.

376
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,030
brenna@thekidcounselor.com

377
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:24,880
Have a great week.

378
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:25,760
We'll talk again soon.

379
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:26,200
Bye.

380
00:12:27,229 --> 00:12:31,020
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources,

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please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.