My Salvation Story

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Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive Sweetie. Today we are talking about my salvation story, and guys, it has been a journey, when I tell you, full of ups and downs, full of lessons, and full of grace which I'm learning to give myself more of. When I think about my salvation story, a song comes to mind, and it's by C. C. Wining's called Alabaster Box. This particular song my mom used to play over and over again as a kid, and I didn't understand it at that age, but having lived and gone through a lot of things, I recently listened to it and it hit different. I'm talking about tears flowing, and I just couldn't do anything but praise God for everything that He's brought me through. And a part of it that really sticks out is this part she says, you weren't there the night he found me.

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Speaker 2: You did note what I felt when he wrapped his loving arms around me. And you don't know the cost of the oil.

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Speaker 1: In my bad stood by the part of you don't know the cost of the oil in my Alabaster Box sent me When I tell you, I was just like, oh, my goodness, because people look at your life and they're like, oh my God, like everything was just so perfect, and it was not. It couldn't be further from that. And the things that I've gone through, I know it was nothing but the grace of God that got me through it. But listening to that song, it just reminded me of god grace and his mercy. And I'm so happy that through this journey I've grown closer to Him because it wasn't always like that. So I'm gonna tell you guys a little bit about it. This is a story all of that have I got closer to God. The thing that brought me to it's multiple things that brought me to tears when I listened to that song at this age. And the first thing was thinking about all the times that I've disappointed God and let him down and to see how He has blessed me exceedingly and abundantly more than I could have ever imagined. To think that like the things that I thought we was just so detrimental to my relationship with God. He's like, baby, girl, don't worry about that. I'm still gonna bless you because I know that you have a heart of remorse. And I see God's forgiveness in those things. It was also choices that I've made, you know, things that I feel are unforgivable, and just knowing and having that gentle reminder that God has used the worst of people to get his word out and that we all can be used. Yeah, the thing I believed about God growing up like, I grew up in the church from as early as I can remember. I was in the choir, I was at Bible study, vacation, Bible school, everything, and I was taught that at a very young age to honor your father and mother as a kid, and that's how you're going to live a long time on the earth. That's what I was taught. So I grew up thinking that if I didn't do right, then I wasn't going to live long, or that wasn't going to have a prosperous life. And I believe that the Bible puts things in place for us to have some type of disciplinary list of things to live by or a way to hey, this is how you need some guidelines, this is how you need to live life. But sometimes we take it out of context. And I think even as my parents like they that's what the Bible says, but it can be like ingrained in you so much that you literally feel like if I don't do this right, God is not gonna bless me, like I'm not gonna be blessed, And that could be further from the truth. And that's something that as I'm getting older, I'm unlearning a lot of the things that I was taught about the Bible and learning how to really apply it to my life. And that's not saying that what I was taught was wrong, because you are supposed to honor your mother and father, and that's what I was taught as a kid. But there's certain things that I'm learning. Some people take the scripture and use it to what serves them, and that's not always what God meant. Who I was first introduced to God by my parents. You know, I was raising a church in a home where we had to get up and go to church, which every Sunday. It wasn't we didn't have the option. It was church, Bible study, vacation, Bible school, second service, Sunday school. Like we were there all day on Sunday, and if we had an afternoon service, you best believe our family was back in the house after dinner. We were back in the church. But it wasn't until I moved out of my parents' home and got to college that I really got to know God for myself because I didn't have anybody telling me, hey, you got to be up this time, were going to church in the morning, and I didn't. Because I didn't. It was almost like an act of rebellion or just an act of freedom. We're like, I don't have to do this anymore because I can make my own choices. And I think a lot of people go through that because they have been almost like like I didn't make my bed anymore. It was like something similar that my mom was like, make up your bed, everyonere and open the blinds, like these are certain rules I had to live by. And when I moved out, I was like, I'm not doing none of this. And church was one of those things. And my first semester, I remember I was partying because my parents didn't really let me party. I just like wild out. My GPA was horrible. I was on academic probation my first semester of college because I just was wild and had to go to summer school to get my GPA up, and everything was spiraling out of control. And that's when I realized, Okay, Chris, so you need to get back to what you know, kind of like the prodigal the prodigal son, I was the prodigal daughter that straight away but eventually came back home. But it was in those moments that I realized everything that I had been learning as a child was what I really needed to lean on and lean into. And I ended up realizing I grew up Methodist, and I realized that that wasn't the type of formality as far as church that fed my soul. So I ended up starting to go to a Baptist church because I'm really big on praise and worship and I needed to hear songs that got me, you know, say, in the mood to worship. I needed that that little I look at that as like the appetizer, Like I go to church early so I can get the praising worship. That's like my appetizer before the pastor gives me the meal. And it was just something about the Baptist church that really like fed me in a way that I hadn't been fed before. And the way the pastor it was. His name was Reverend Alvin summers. The way he broke the word down was just so different than what I was used to because Methodists is really close to like Catholic. We quote all the I believe in God, the Father, Almighty, Maker of heaven and Earth like it's and we've seen the I can't even the postle, it's the apostles Creed. We had to memorize those things and quote them every Sunday. And it didn't really feel like the spirit was being free to move if everything felt so rigid. And when I went to the Baptist church, I was like, man, this is crazy. I'm like, this is what I feel like worshiping God should feel like. And of course my parents didn't really like that because they wanted me to continue to go to the church that I was raised in, and I loved my pastor growing up. But as I got older, I realized what worked for me, and I knew what I needed to be able to sustain that relationship with God. How do I prioritize my relationship with God in the midst of a chaotic work schedule. I will be honest with you, there are times, there have been times in my journey where I will be very, very intentional about my time with God, and I will wake up in the morning, pray, journal, read the Bible, and really just meditate with God and sit still before I get my day started. And then there's other times where life would get so busy that I would just wake up and hit the ground running, or I'd be too tired and I want to sleep in, and by the time it's time to get up, I don't have time to spend that time with God. And I felt it. I started to feel it, and I had to start making very intentional decisions to start my day with Him. And now I do. I wake up every morning, the first thing I do is I talk to God. I pray. And that's one thing Passadarious Daniels from Changed Church where I go now he taught us at the beginning of the year how to pray and how to talk to God. So I journal in the mornings through prayer, I meditate, and I take time to read the Bible based on the devotionals that I do every morning, and I think in that it helps me. It kind of sets the tone for the day. Now I'm the girl that after I do that, I turn my church music on and I really just set the tone for how I want to leave the house every single day. And I feel like as I learned to make me more intentional with that, everything else just kind of became more calm. So Yeah, when I'm in need, Bishop Joseph Walker from mountains On Baptist Church in Nashville, Tennessee is someone that I look to for spiritual guidance. My mom and Dad. I still talk to my mom and dad about things. Who Else, Pastor John Gray and his wife are people that I've talked to. Tyler Perry. Tyler is a big brother of mine and someone that I admire and adore. And when it comes to somebody I know that's always praying over me, I know I can count on Tyler to be one of those people. So those are a few people that I have gone to in the past years and now to seek spiritual guidance from who story of my first encounter with God. I honestly can't remember my first encounter, but I remember a very an encounter that I was like, WHOA. It was as if God himself was like right here, not physical on his couch, but like he was right there next to me. I was in the car I had I was dating this guy, and this is when I bought my first home, and the relationship was very volatile. You know, he w I don't. I wouldn't say he's a bad person. He's not a bad person, but when it came to relationships, he just wasn't very good in that area. Great would work, great people person, but when it came to being a mate, he wasn't very good. And I I put up with a lot of things. I wasn't as secure as I am now, and myself and I put up with a lot of things to the point that we end up getting too a really, really bad argument right before I moved into my first home, and the argument was so bad that a friend of mine had to come get me. It got physical, it was crazy, and as I she took me to my car, I got in my car and I drove to my new house, and it was literally as if God himself sat in the car and said, where I'm taking you. He can't go. But you would have never left him. If I didn't allow this situation to escalate to the point where you're like, Okay, I'm done, I cannot do this, I would have stayed because I wasn't securing myself. I wasn't secure my relationship with God and even had the vision of what he had for me. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't see that the things in the patterns that I was allowed to continue to having relationships, and especially with this guy, I couldn't. I was wonder why I kept hitting walls, and sometimes you hit I learned that you hit walls because the people that you have with you that can't go with you, and until you let them go, God cannot He can't promote you to the next level. And when he sat in that car and said, Crystal, where I'm taking you? This dude can't go, I was like, say, let's I got you God. And that was like one of the times in the most vivid recent time that was in twenty seventeen that I was like, whoa, Okay, I hear you, and like I felt so close to God in that season where I was like even in the midst of me kind of losing myself. And we tend to do that in relationships. We end up losing ourselves because we're so in love and jaded by this person and thinking like, Okay, the time is ticket I'm getting older, let me just go ahead and settle for this. And God's like, no, baby, girl, I got something else for you, But I need you to understand that this person is not your person and you gotta let this go. So that was probably like the most recent time that and there's been other things, but that really stood out. How do I balance my faith in my career? This is a really tough one because I'm in the entertainment industry and a particular character that I'm playing right now is the things and the choices that she makes are not quite aligned with God's word. So a lot of times I'm conflicted with the imagery that I'm portraying to the masses, and I'm like, I'm an actor, so I am acting. This is not who I am, but this is I'm acting and portraying other people because what acting is you're portraying people who really act like that in real life, even though that may not be you, and you had to make people believe that. And there are times where I'm like, Lord, am I doing the right thing? Is this pleasing in your sight? And I've reached out to my spirituallyders about that, and my parents, like I really got a lot of peace about it when I talk to my dad about it, because especially like sex scenes and things like that, my dad was like, you're just acting. He was like, it's not who you are. And the same thing with my spiritual leaders, they were like, we know that's not the image that Crystal puts out. That's what the actor actress does, or that's who fateammates that that's not Crystal and learning to separate the two and understand that it's a job. And that's something I still struggle with. You know, I do still struggle with that, but I try to not judge the character. I tried to understand that this is there is people out here who act just like this woman, and all I am doing is portraying those people. So yeah, still struggling with that a little bit. The revelation that helped change my view in relationship with God, I think it was in two thousand and seven. I was living in DC. I had moved to Washington, d C. When I moved from home, I stayed in my hometown for college and I moved to DC and I was on my own. This is the first time I was really on my own because when I was in college, my pop. I still live in the same town that I grew up in, But it wasn't until I was literally on my own that I had to fully lean on God for his guidance. And it was in that season. It was like two and a half years I was in DC that I realized, God, I need you more now than I ever did before, because I have nobody else. And I think sometimes there are seasons in your life where God will literally strip you away from what your comfort zone, your comfort your blankis what do you call them, the security blankets. We have people that are like our security blankets that we feel safe around, but a lot of times those security blankets are hindering us from learning lessons or mature in the areas that we need to, Whereas if we were alone and in isolation, we realize there's nothing they can do to help us get to the next level or to even grow. So when I moved there, that's when I realized, Okay, God, like this is you and me, like we got to figure this thing out. And I found a church home and it seems like I always find my way back to the church, Like even then, I was still trying to figure life out, but I found my way back to the church, and there were situations that would happen and I'm like, that was nothing to God. Like as soon as I leave the club of some gunshots rang out, it was like it was always God like removing me from situations that could have killed me, driving home drunk, just being reckless, you know, and waking up the next day like how did I get home knowing that there was nothing to God? And then realize, Okay, Chris, so you gotta get your life together. You out here living on the wild side, and this is not how you were raised. You got to get it together. So I think it was the move and being ripped away from my family and everyone that really made me like step closer to God. Honestly, I feel like in the moments where some people may feel like they can't face God, I draw closer to Him in those moments because I never want to let him down. And I'm where I say by far, I am not perfect, far from it, But There's never been a time where I rejected God. There's been seasons of my life life where God was not in the forefront. There's deaf man seasons in my life where He was not in the forefront as he should be. Times where I wasn't going to church, times where I may have been in a relationship with somebody that I may have unintentionally made my God. Like I was serving my husband and he was taking He wasn't leading me and saying, hey, bab we need to go to church and I wasn't going. It was like, all right, we're just gonna do we do. We gonna lay up, party all night, lay up on Sundays, watch football, glad to eat, and it was just like God was a distant memory. But there's never been a time where I felt like, God, I can't come to you. That's one thing I've never felt. I've had low points in my life where I really felt like I felt like two thousand and nine, when I first moved to Atlanta, was one of the lowest points in my life and I felt cursed. I felt like God had left me and nothing was going right. It was one of the lowest points in my life. It's like, Lord, like I'm not catching a break, Like what is happening? Like I had never been that low in my life that broke in my life and broke in And it wasn't until like twenty ten. That's sorry to see things turn around. But even in that hindsight, I realize that sometimes God has to take you to the valley so that you can appreciate the highs like everything and even letting you know, hey, when we go down, I'm still there with you. When we go to the mountaintop, I'm gonna be right there too. But I gotta take you through these situations so that when we hear you can really really appreciate it, because if everything is smooth or everything is high your whole life, you're not gonna appreciate it when I take you where you want to go. So yeah, I think that's it. How do I think God wants to use me while I'm on earth? It's funny. Every morning I pray that when I walk out these doors, they anyone I encounter that they see God's light through me and a lot of I want to be able to make impacts on people without even saying anything. I want them to see me walk in and be like, it's something different about this girl, and when they do it, interact with me. I want them to feel God. And I feel like I'm put on this earth to just be a reflection of him, to love people, to be kind, to show them God's way, and to really just be a vessel for him. And I think that anybody that I encounter with at some point, God is going to come up like it's just like even if they're like talking about something like yeah, because man I have everything leads to a testimony or a story of how God brought me through something. So I feel like, yeah, I feel like I'm here to just to let His light shine through me. Some days it does feel heavy, only because I have a lot of people leaning on me, and every day I don't feel like, how did I say this? I don't wake up every day feeling like positive and like the light, like the light that I want to exude. I don't always wake up feeling like that, And it's it's sometimes being in the light that I'm in. You feel like you can't have an off day, like you gotta be on every single day. As soon as you step out of the house, you gotta be on because you don't know he canna run into who's got a camera on you? And it could be from going to church people are having cameras on you, to being in the mall to eating at a restaurant, like somebody's always looking at you, and you can't have a bad day, Like you can't get angry at somebody out in public. Like everything has to be on the highest tier at all times because people are watching you. Cause I don't think anybody has like the the not. I don't think anyone has perfect days every single day where they wake up like laurd, thank you. I'm gonna go out here and spread You're a good word. Like everybody doesn't wake up like that every single day. But you strive to be that, And it's something my therapist said. She was like, stop striving for perfection, that's a cancer, she says, strive for excellence. So I'm trying to practice that in everything I do because within the excellence you can also make mistakes and learn and grow from it. But yeah, it it gets heavy sometimes for sure, cause I'm not perfect and I'm haven't been saved all my life and I'm not the most sanctified saint there is, so yeah, he's still working on me though. God, oh God is he's everywhere, you know, God is everywhere. He's he has an agafe love. I know he's he doesn't judge me there's nothing I can do that's gonna make him love me less, you know, And God is he's all knowing. There's nothing that I can't say to him that he doesn't already know. There's nothing I can the sin that I'm gonna do tomorrow. God already know, like you know, what I'm saying, So there's nothing I can do. I can try not to do it, but he already know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. He know I'm doing ten minutes, you know, So there's no fooling him. So I love that he's the friend that I have that I don't have to fake with because there's so many people in my life that you can't always be completely or authentically yourself. It doesn't matter what I do when I go behind those closed doors of my bedroom and sit in my space, or the thoughts that I have, the things that I do that nobody sees. God knows it and shows me every single day that He loves me regardless. He knows that these are things I'm growing through. So that's God to me. Here we go, all right, So these are It's funny because I talked about being too busy to pray, so pastor Darius Daniels. Doctor Darius Daniels preached on the topic of that sermon was the cheat code. I didn't know this could do that talking about prayer, and this part about prayer was like too busy not to pray because we get so caught up in life that we're so busy and it's like, look, I just Lord, I just didn't have time today. No, you need to be too busy not to prayer, like you need to take the time to do it. And it starts off with showing adoration for God, and then you confess to God and then you thank God for your answer prayers, your spiritual blessings, relational blessings, and your material blessings. And then it ends with supplication, make your request known to Him and do this all in Jesus name. And when you break it down, it's x acts. That's the acronym adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. And that's how I start today with God, adoring him, thanking him, asking Him for what I need. And once I started to practice those things in our journal every single morning, and he said it's not for everybody. Some people can do it for a hours, some people just do it for fifteen minutes. He's like, I'm not the type of person that's going to do it for two hours. He's like, I got my twenty minute window, thirty minute window, and I'm like, I gotta start today. So it looks different for everybody. So I love that because sometimes when I was taught to pray, I was taught the Lord's prayer first, and then I was taught it was a scripture in the Bible that says, don't go in the closet babbling on to God. Pray the Lord's prayer and say God will be done. Because whatever you're going to go in there and talking to God and rambling about for hours and hours, just what you asking for is less than what He already has and sore for you. So just say God, because you may be asking for something that you feel so big and like, if I get this, Lord, this is everything, I don't need nothing else. And he's like, child, you think you need to think big. You know what the guy says. I'm not gonna say what he really says, but I think it's too small. Think big. And I've learned that when I say that, will be done. Literally the things that God has for me I'm like, WHOA, I never thought of that. I never thought of it on this magnitude. So those are things that I was taught, and I was always taught to say the Lord's prayer. But when I started putting this into into action, I saw a different revelation. I started this in January and I told Ganora this I had written in my journal. I prayed about what I wanted and I said, I want a big partnership with a big beauty brand. And within twenty four hours, I get the call from the Nor saying, hey, esday, Lauda and Clinque want to do something with you in conjunction with Black Tag. And I was like, you worked that fast. I was like, oh my gosh. I was like, this is crazy. I'm like, Lord, this is how you moving in twenty twenty three. Let's go. So it was one of those things where he had to show me quickly. I'm about to show you how I'm moving in this season of your life. And I was like, okay, you're not playing, so I'm not playing. Let's do this. And it's something that I've continued to be intentional about because I see that he's intentional about me and this is a season where I can't lack in any area of my pursuit of Him. For sure, do I find it hard being a believer and a celebrity, and do I feel a responsibility to share His word with the masses. I don't find it hard being a celebrity and a believer. I feel like everyone is called for different things, and for me, this is what God has called me to in this season of my life, and I try to be very responsible with this, with this gift that God has given me, for the gift of acting, the gift of celebrity, and make sure I don't abuse it because a lot of times people that get in these positions of power. Because us be clear, celebrities are very influential people. They can say things that impact a mass majority of people and they will follow what you say. So I do. Even on my social media, I make which is where the majority I can reach so many people, and for that, I'm very specific on who I follow. I'm very specific on the energy that I allow to come into my space. We're on Instagram all the time, and I'm also very intentional about what I post, making sure that it's positive and that when people come to it they know that like, Okay, this is a child of God. You know. Like I don't post scriptures every single day, but you will see me posting my devotional some days. You'll see me posting different exerts from sermons from my favorite pastors. I don't hide how good God is to me, and I don't hide that I'm a believer and I do feel i feel the responsibility to draw people to God. And I've had people come up to me and say, Crystal, your posts, I saw you going to change church. That brought me back to Christ. And it's those things that right there means more to me than any accolade or any role that I could get, knowing that I'm bringing people to God. And I think because of that is why I feel like God has deemed me responsible and like you're the one that I want to do this job because I know I can trust you with it, and I don't want to let him down. I don't, so I try to be very very intentional about putting the word out and not I'm not ashamed of him. I'm gonna let you know I believe in Jesus Christ. Period.

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Speaker 2: You've said a couple of times, I don't want to disappoint God.

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Speaker 1: It's more so like I feel like when when I say I don't want to disappoint God, I feel like God gives They say heavy is the head that wears the crown. I feel like God tests and gives his biggest challenges to his stronger soldiers, like people that he know can handle it. And when I say disappointment, I just want to make sure that I honor everything that He that he is bestowed upon me. God. You can't disappoint God. And I yes, I did say that, but that's not what I mean. You can't disappoint God because God already knows that we're not perfect. That's why he died for our sins. Because he knows we are imperfect people. So there's no disappointing him. I just want to make sure that I honor everything that He's given me. Whether it's okay, Chris, I'm gonna give you this light. Now, everybody sees you, what are you gonna do with it? You know? And I want to make sure. Hey God, I'm gonna talk about you. I'm gonna let them know that I believe in you. I want to. I just want to make sure because I feel like people get into them. I've said before, they get into and they forget where they came from, forget like the real reason they're really here. And I also feel like sometimes like God puts people in certain positions to be very to be very seen, and I'm visible to the world because he knows o the people that are gonna bring more people closer to Him, and I feel like I'm one of those people. All Right, So we are getting into one of my favorite parts of the show, and that is positive outcomes where listeners and they ask us questions. So this one says, I love God and believe in him, but I recognize that there are areas in my life where I struggle with unbelief. Oftentimes I struggle with believing that God really has a husband for me and that I will bear children someday. I know that I should have faith, but the more that the days and years go by without it, the harder it becomes to believe that there is a promise here that would be fulfilled. Do you struggle with unbelief? How can I work through my unbelief and grow my faith in having a family someday? Who child? Okay, So this is something I've definitely dealt with Everyone knows. I'm forty now, and it is statistically proven that the older yet the harder it is to bear children and to have successful and healthy births. I'm not married, so we are similar in that area as well. But I know there are times even myself like that. I wondered, like Lord, like when are you gonna bring him? And are children in the cards for me? And I think that what we end up doing is worrying, and we're not supposed to do that. We cause more anxiety than we should by worrying about things that's out of our hands. God is in control of that. So what I would say to you is focus on all the blessings you have around you and know that as you continue to appreciate everything that God has already done, He's gonna bless you with those things. And if he doesn't, that doesn't mean that you're less than or that you don't deserve that. It happens to the best of us. There's so many amazing people that can't have children, But there's other alternatives if that's what you want to do. And that's not in the cars for everyone either, but if that's something you want to do you have other options to do that with or without a man the natural way? But I feel like there's that's not the final answer. But if that's for you, God is gonna make a way for sure, But don't let marriage and a family define you. I feel like sometimes women, we feel like that's what's gonna complete everything, and maybe that's not what God's purpose is for you. And if it is, it'll happen. That man is gonna come, that child would come, and it's gonna be a miracle, and you can be looking like, I know this was nothing but God. A lot of times we try to make things happen because this is what we want, but sometimes God allows it not to happen so that when it does happen, you can't take responsibility for it. You're gonna know that that was only God. So stay strong and know that I'm here with you. We're in the same boat. But we have to stay positive. Sweetie, See what I did there. So another thing that I like to do every episode is what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. And I think for this particular episode when we talk about the faith walk, I am going through understanding my purpose combined with my career path, and when I say purpose, combine my career path my purpose for God and what he wants me to do in this career path. What I'm growing through is growing and learning that I have to stop being so hard on myself and judging everything that I do and knowing that God placed me in this position for a reason that's to glorify Him and that as long as I continue to do that, I don't have to be so hard on myself about cause I do. Like I told you guys, I struggle with the scenes that I do and I'm like, Okay, I'm a Christian woman, is that wrong? And I've had people tell me like, yeah, I don't watch that trash, Like that's a trash he's showing. I'm like, ugh, And these are like church people, you know what I'm saying, Like super sat sanctified and saved and filled with the Holy Ghost type people. But in those instants, I'm like, Lord, am I doing the right thing? So that's what I'm growing through and knowing that the journey that God's taken me on is a purposeful one and I'm finding that. So for this episode, keep it blank, sweety, I'm gonna say, keep it faithful, sweetie. Literally, I opened up this an old invitation I got recently and I've had this since twenty nineteen, and I opened it up. It was a small, enclosed in case mustard seed. That's all you need faith the size of mustard seed, and it's so small. So just keep it faithful, sweetie, and know that whatever God has to you is gonna happen. I want to thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode of Keep It Positive Sweety. If you want to be featured on the Positive Outcomes Listener letter, write in to Keep It Positive Sweety at gmail dot com and make sure you guys tune in, follow me on all platforms at love Christorine, and I can't wait to see you guys next week. Bye,