34. Antidepressants

00:00:05
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology. Hello everyone, I am fresh out of the office or ready to record this episode for you. It's a pretty personal one. It's a deep one. It's a vulnerable one. That's what we always try and do on this podcast. Something that I haven't really talked about before. We're going to talk about any depressants. Yeah, you've clicked on this, you know what you're in for. Well, maybe you don't. So I'll give you a little overview of kind of why I wanted to talk about this. What we're going to talk about, what it involves, and hopefully answer some questions about what it's like from my personal experience taking any depressants, why people take them, where it fits in with this broader decade the subject of this podcast. So, I think that the topic of antidepressants is super interesting but also super misunderstood by a lot of people, and goes without saying. I'm a little bit nervous to record this. It's quite a vulnerable topic. I think as much as our society has gotten to the point of kind of downgrading some stigma around common mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. There still is, I think a big corner of society that sees people who experience mental illness is weak or incapable or unable to kind of operate in society. I just think that's bullshit firstly, but I also kind of want to discuss, yeah, why that's a not the case, but b how medication kind of plays into that stigma narrative and why it is such an important thing to talk about if you are on antidepressants, if you're considering going on antidepressants. This is just my personal experience and some kind of like basic facts, basic research that I've gathered to give this a bit of a evidence based backbone. But I'm definitely not a doctor. And if it's something you're considering, go to your GP, discuss it with them, have an ongoing conversation with any mental health professionals in your life, with your family, with your friends, with your partner if you have one. But yes, definitely do not take this as a source of all known medical advice. That's not what this is intended to be. More So, it's just a discussion and maybe just kind of an informational podcast on what it was like for me, what it continues to be like for me, how it impacts my life, and how it has improved my life immensely. So antidepressants in our twenties. I think I've said this on many podcasts where I've talked about mental ill health and mental illness in the past, but you're most likely to develop signs of any future mental ill health in your late teens and your early twenties. So that's why I think it's super important to talk about where medication kind of falls into that journey whilst we are in in these kind of early decades of our lives, just so we kind of set the narrative straight around what it's really like. So most people who experience depression or anxiety will go on some form of medication, probably in this decade, probably before the age of thirty, in the early twenties, some people even in their late teens, which is a little bit controversial, but it happens nonetheless. So having a good grasp of what that actually means for your brain what you can expect is something that I have been pondering for a while. I thought was really important to talk about them. And like I've said, stigma around it is still so prevalent. I don't need to explain that to people. I think we see it everywhere all the time, people thinking that those with mental illness are somehow unable to hold jobs, unable to take care of their families, unable to function, and I just don't think that's the case, especially when medication is something that you take in something that is part of your kind of mental health journey. Additionally, I did some searching. One in seven adult Australians are on some form of antidepressant. It is one of the ten most prescribed drugs in Australia. So whatever a stigma there may be, or whatever a stigma that you may hold, I would just ask you to challenge a little bit and think about the fact that there is probably someone in your life who has been on this medication who may need to go on this medication. Maybe you will have to one day, and there's really no shame in that. It's like taking a panetal when you've got a headache. I think when we start seeing mental ill health as ill health, that would be treated like we would treat a physical injury, a broken bone, migraine, you know, COVID something like that, and we're looking for treatment options and seeing those as part as that journey. That's when we really start to actually respect mental ill health is just as valid as physical ill health and treatment and medication as a big part of that. So that's what we're going to be kind of discussing today, And yeah, I hope that's it's enjoyable when you gain something from this. So perhaps the first thing we kind of need to wrap our heads around when we're talking about antidepress is what exactly are they. There is this great, big myth I think a lot of people pandered too that they're kind of like a happy pill. You know, you take your antidepressants and suddenly like the world's more colorful, everything feels better, and it's an easy way out of for those who are experiencing depression or anxiety. That is absolutely not the case, at least it hasn't been my case in my experience with them. Antidepressants work on the basis that there is a chemical imbalance in your brain that is causing you to experience happiness less frequently. It's causing you to experience more depressive episodes and depressive periods at a greater frequency and for a longer amount of time. And with that, with many people who are experiencing that, it's also probably the case that you have higher levels of anxiety as well. Depression and anxiety, as we know, often chrome orbid, they happen hand in hand and in kind of you know. After the seventies, what doctors and psychologists began to realize this isn't just, you know, because your life circumstances are crap or because something traumatic has happened. Depression is not just experienced in moments of intense grief or intense suffering. It's something that people experience all the time. Even when your life might be perfect, even when from the outside everything seems to be going well. You've got food in your belly, you've got a family, you've got all the things that would fulfill you, there's something still quite not right. And what they identified that as being is a chemical imbalanced in your brain, mostly and most often that being deficiency and dopamine or serotonine. And it's not just that your brain isn't producing enough of these happy chemicals as a lot of people call them, but it's that your brain is having difficulty transmitting them, processing them, and using them for the correct reasons. So that's what the most common type of antidepressants, which are called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, aim to kind of fix. So selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors we're going to call them SSRIs. You may have heard this term before, but they're the most common type of medication that someone experiencing depression or anxiety is most likely to be prescribed. So how these work is, I guess we have to go back a step. Our neurons communicate using chemical impulses, electrical impulses, but also chemical signals as well. So what these SSRIs are trying to do. They're not so much trying to address the electrical impulses but the chemicals that these unlock. And these chemicals are things like serotonin and dopamine. So when those chemicals are released to the signaps, which is this little gap between your neurons, they send messages on to the next neuron to elicit a certain feeling such as happiness or to create a behavioral action. But if those chemicals are reabsorbed too quickly or they you know, not enough of them is released, that's when we might start to experience in the long term episodes of depression and of intense sadness. So what these drugs aim to do is they aim to block the sending neuron from taking back serotonin that it's released. So basically what that means is, once a neuron releases serotonin, the happy hormone, the happy chemical, the SSRIs stop that neuron that sent it from kind of you scooping it back up again. So it means that more of that chemical becomes available within the signaps, essentially meaning that it changes the chemical structure of your brain to be more receptive to serotonin, to have more serotonin and dopamine available to you, and therefore kind of change your life and change your kind of outlook on life. So what is your brain like on antidepressants if we have this kind of chemical understanding of how they work. So, like I said, there's this myth that they're happy pills, that they work kind of like ecstasy or some kind of like immediate they provide this immediate jolt of just like pleasure and happiness and all your suffering ceases to exist. And it's just not like that it's not a wave of joy. It's not a wave of ecstasy. What these hormones, what these sorry chemical kind of drugs intend to do, is to push you back into equilibrium. They're not trying to push you to the other side and make you deliriously happy. They want to kind of stabilize your brain so you're at a point where you can operate. So basically, the way that I describe it is if you are someone who is depressed, like I've been for a big you know, not a big part of my life, but for some of my life. What SSRIs do is they don't shift you all the way to this like other end of the scale. They put you back in the middle. And the result of that is that you no longer feel those like terrifying, awful black lows. But the other side of that is you no longer feel those highs as much. You no longer feel that like just like pure genline of joy, the kind of upside being that you no longer have to experience those lows. It kind of steadies the roller coaster, if you can imagine like a roller coaster at Luna Park or like an amusement park. You know, the first part of the roller coaster is often like really up and down, really up and down. You get those like the fear, the excitement, the anticipation that's your brain. Without antidepressants, it's just like chaotic and there's extreme lows and extreme highs. But on antidepressants, it's kind of like that end of the roller coaster. There's still a few bumps, but they're not as significant, and it allows you to relax more. You can see you're coming to the end of the ride. That fear, that adrenaline kind of starts to decrease, and that's how antidepressants are intended to make you feel. So what does this kind of tell us about depression in general? So there's been so much research into SSRIs. They were quite controversial when they first came out. They still are really misunderstood. But it tells us a kind of bigger story and paints a bigger picture around what the condition of depression actually is, and that is it's a chemical imbalance in your brain. Obviously, there are external factors that can make you depressed. There are things that create deep suffering in deep grief, but every day, kind of run of the mill depression, not that I really like to call it that, But the general disorder or the general illness that is depression is chemical chemical origin in your brain. And that's why SSRIs work so well, because they stabilize that chemical imbalance. They make more serotonin available to your brain and therefore contribute to kind of not so much a more positive outlook, but to a greater sense of control, a greater sense of kind of peace and happiness in your life. So my experience on antidepressants, I don't really have a point of reference as to whether it's common, whether it is how everyone else experiences it, but I would think that it is of the friends that I know who are also on this kind of medication that I'm on, like, they all kind of have said the same thing. So for those who might not have the privilege of having friends who are going through similar things, I thought it would be maybe interesting to talk about what my experience on this medication has been, why it has helped me, what it was like going on, and what it was like kind of going off for a while, and what it's kind of done for my life. So I've been on antidepressants for two years. I continue to be on them at this point. It is kind of normal for me to just take one once a day, and I find that, especially when I first started taking them, it helped me a lot. It really helped me at the point of my life that I was at. I think if you met me as a person in real life, and for those who do know me, I don't think that you would know that I've had experiences with depression and pretty dark times. I think I come off as very happy and pretty outgoing. Maybe you can hear that in the podcast, and the things that I talk about are generally pretty upbeat or interesting. They're not really about the sadness that has sometimes been in my life. But when I did decide to go on antidepressants, I went to my Chickipede and I kind of explained everything that I had been going through. At that point, I had mental health professionals around me, which were just an amazing asset, and he explained what the strug was, what the strug that he was going to prescribe me, what he was going to prescribe me, what it was like, and why he thought it would help me. And I remember him saying to me, this is not something you take for six months. It's not something you take for a yacht. It's something that you take for a while because your brain takes time to adjust, and there is it's probably not particularly healthy to go off them cold turkey. Now, this is really personal, and I was kind of hesitant to talk about it, but you know, I think it's important. And at the end of the day, what really drew me to take and to get on antidepressants was just this sense that what I was going through I just couldn't endure it. I was really struggling, and I don't think that's something that you need to be experiencing, especially with all the options these days. I'd been so hesitant about going on it before when it had been suggested to me. I think because I myself was experiencing a lot of personal stigma around what would mean for my character, the fact that I couldn't just persevere, the fact that I couldn't just change my life and make myself happy through daily habits and through exercise and healthy eating. But the thing that I came to realize is that taking medication is a daily habit. It is you taking action to help your brain, to help your body to get better. So I went on them, and the first experience that I really felt was just like extreme fatigue. So, as my GP had explained, it takes a little bit of time to adjust to your new brain, I guess, to adjust to the fact that your brain suddenly has this new drug and its blood in its blood stream passing through the blood brain barrier, creating chemical changes between your neurons. And I just felt so tired, so tired and numb for the first maybe month or two that I was on them, and I was like, these I'm not working, There's no point being on them. Yes, I don't feel sad, but I really don't feel anything at all. Is that really how I want to feel? I think I particularly really like to feel elated. I like to feel extreme joy. I like to like experience like hedonism and like really enjoy my life. And I was like, Okay, maybe it's worth experiencing those lows, knowing that I get that reward of feeling elated and ecstatic and like high on life. But like my GP said, it takes a couple months, three months to kind of really see how your brain is going to react. So I kept going and I kept putting, you know, kind of pushing through, and that fatigue went away. Those you know, sense, that sense of being heavy and of being numb went away. The world became clearer, and it also became more manageable. Before I went on them, and before I went on my particular dosage, everything in my life just felt completely out of control. Like I didn't know what to do. I couldn't force my brain to interpret situations the way that I wanted them. I wanted it too, and like life was just like not feeling amazing. And after three months it may have been in combination with other lifestyle changes, who can really say. Some people say it's placebo effect, but I did start to feel a lot better. I started to feel so many improvements in how I could identify my emotions and address them. The one thing that did kind of stick around, though, is that experience that I've talked about a little bit earlier. Yes I was not, you know, spending days in bed, but I also wasn't you know, as excited by my life as I had been before, which was something that was really hard for me to give up. But over time it did start getting better, you know, as my brain adjusted to having this little helper and having this assistance, there started to be more of an equilibrium and a balance between those periods of like pure elation and joy and happiness, and those lows, one as deep, one as crushing, weren't as stabilitating, and I found that I could manage my life and my life a lot more so. That's the idea. That's kind of what happened around starting. Other things that I noticed was I was always thirsty. That was just like something really weird. I put on weight, which I didn't really mind because I was like, fuck it, that's totally worth it. And I think that's about it. Yeah, I had a bit of insomnia to begin with as well, but I think that was just the fact that I was also really anxious. But all in all, after three months, it allus kind of started to kind of figure itself out. And since then I've kind of been on them. And there was a point when I decided that, you know, I wanted to stop. I didn't want to be on these for much longer. Kind of thought about how long I had been taking this medication, read a few books that I probably shouldn't have read about, like alternative therapies. You know, do your research. I guess if that's the thing you want to you want to read and if you want to think about other ways to manage depressure or anxiety, if you're experiencing it, it's totally up to you. But always seek healthcare advice, I think, is the thing. And there are some like pretty serious dangers if you decide to stop taking your antidepressant and your SSRI like cold Turkey. It's like withdrawal from any other type of drug. Your brain is addicted to it. You are taking it regularly. Your brain is not used to operating without it. And I won't lie. I think about stopping every month. There will be days when I just don't take my antidepressant, or sometimes even you know, half a week. I think the most was a week. And at that point, after a week of not taking it, oh my god, did I start to notice. And I was told that, you know, if you were to stop cold turkey, you're probably going to experience this thing called discontinuation syndrome. And I had a little bit of a taste of it. It was just like tingling sensations, trembling headaches, confusion, vertigo, and it can get a lot worse. You know, people extreme insomnia, a return of extreme anxiety, sweating, trembling, vomiting, and that confusion I was talking about. And I just remember I hadn't taken them for a week. It was not intentional. Maybe it was unconsciously, but I don't remember being like I'm going to go off them. I just hadn't taken it. And I was riding home from the pool on my bike and I just all of a sudden got this like incredible dizzy front of the head feeling and confusion, and I got my head started to her and I just felt awful. I felt extreme dissociation, like I couldn't really feel my body, and I was just had this pounding headache. And the next day I woke up same feeling. Everything just felt really confusing, Everything felt a little bit out of place. My head hurt, I was sweating, I couldn't sleep, And that both scared me for two That really scared me for two reason. Firstly, it scared me because I was like, oh my god, this is an awful feeling. I don't want to feel like this again. So I'm going to go back on these because if this is what life was before I was on them, A, it's much worse than I imagine. And b I don't really want to go back. But it also scared me because I had this sense of like, have I permanently damaged my brain? Am I going to be on this for the rest of my life? And is my brain hooked on these things? Is my brain unable to operate without this assistance? And is this what it's going to be like if I ever decide that this isn't what I want to do anymore? And that was really really terrifying. I think that was also exacerbated by the fact that withdrawing from antidepressants is like withdrawing from any drug because it's become a part of your system and a part of your biology in some senses, So you know, ceasing to take it really quickly, you can't really trust your emotional and mental and cognitive reactions to things, especially in those first few weeks, because your brain is adapting to a whole new way of perceiving the world, a whole new kind of chemical system and machination that is just really confusing and one that you probably haven't experienced for a while. So I did end up going back on them, and that's happened a few more times where I've just gone on a holiday, forgotten to bring them, had those awful symptoms come back, and been like, yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. This is not for me. And I think that is kind of an important sidebar to make note of if you're thinking about taking antidepressants, don't take it lightly. It's not a six month happy, you know, happy crash course. Like, It's something that your brain and that your body will be on and hooked on for some time. And going off them is not as simple as being like, okay, ready to step back into the real world and experience things like, you know, as they are. It's a lot more complicated than that. So I guess in recent years, some kind of areas of the psychological and medical and mental health community have kind of been turning away from the prescription of medication, particularly drugs like SSRIs, because there is more of a focus on holistic healing and positive psychology and you know, mind body connection and lifestyle changes, which I am totally a fan of. I think that that is an amazing movement and an amazing direction to kind of be pushing our ideas of mental health towards, but it doesn't really provide a full picture, and I don't think that it should put any shame on people who do continue to use men vacation because that's the best thing for them. Also, I think it's important to realize that holistic healing and you know, adopting healthy practices has a price to it has an entry fee. It's pretty expensive to do pilates and drink green juice and spend time outdoors if you have to work all the time and if you don't have the income for it, or if you have kids that you need to look after, and sometimes you just need the safety net of knowing that your medication or your ssris're kind of taking care of things for you whilst you continue to live your life and gives you time to kind of get back on your feet and sort out what practices you want to incorporate. So funny story, my friends Jack and Julian, friends of the show, they gave me this really interesting book for my birthday, none the less about depression. Thank you boys. Yes, very funny, but also very sweet. And it was called Loss Connections. And this book was something that I read when I was kind of considering whether I wanted to continue to stay on my antidepressants, and it provides an alternative point of view. If you're interested in it, definitely go and given a read. I'm pretty sure Russell brand as like a review on the front. So that's the kind of literature you're getting into, the kind of thoughts and ideas, And it basically explains that no, depression isn't a chemical imbalance. It is because of your perspective, it's because of your life circumstances. It's because of your cognitions rather than something innately chemical in your brain. And in some ways that is entirely correct. When paired with things like cognitive behavioral therapy, any kind of medication is going to perform a lot better because any mental health problem is not one dimensional. And I think that's the thing that's important to remember at the end of the day. Taking a pill once a day, yes, it's really good, probably going to help you, but there is that period of time when it's not going to really you're not really going to feel feel the full effects in that first three months. But also it is about cultivating it a healthier way of seeing the world, moving away from that kind of depressed perspective and into kind of a healthier perspective on the problems that you face your life, your relationships and those kind of things so that they're more manageable just in general, but also when you decide that maybe it's time to go off your medication or when things happen that mean that you can't take it anymore. So, yeah, there has been a rise in this kind of alternative way of looking at depression and looking at things like anxiety. That's really taken hold. But the end of the day, and antidepressants are still something that is that are widely prescribed, that are widely available, that are accessible. I think like a my prescription costs me five dollars a month, which is just like incredible chemist warehouse. If you are, if you're listening, sponsor me. But I do just think it's an amazing discovery and it's amazing kind of medical technology that has allowed people like myself to kind of get back on the horse and sort out their lives and think better about the circumstances they're in inform positive relationships. So yeah, a bit of a shorter episode, a really personal episode. I asked that if you have listened to this, you have an open mind about what was discussed, and if you're considering adding medication into your mental health journey. Definitely talk about it, do your research, think it through. It has its amazing benefits. It's made me a better person, it's made me a more reliable person, it's made me a happier person. But there are also downsides like discontinuation syn rome, like not being on that roller coaster, And if the roller coaster is something that you enjoy and something that you can tolerate, maybe think it through before going on something that, let's be quite honest, you know, changes the structure and changes the chemical foundations of your brain. And if that you kind of have to think about if it's worth it for you, and for me it was, so Yeah, thank you for listening with open ears and no judgment, and just for listening in general. The podcast is about to reach its one year milestone, and this is by far the most personal episode I've done, so I think in many ways my own journey with my mental health and my well being has grown with the podcast and has The podcast has definitely made me think about these choices and made me think about my health a lot more. So. Yeah, it's just been a really positive influence. So thank you for listening and if you enjoyed, maybe subscribe, leave us a raining if you'd like, and follow the podcast on Instagram That Psychology Jet Podcasts And we'll be back next week with a less depressing episode, but until then, thank you again