Surviving The Holidays with Dr. Stacy Cohen

00:00:05
Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous, it is yours truly blah lah kent with my sidekick ride or die, bad ass, motherfucking bitch. What's up jets?

00:00:15
Speaker 2: What's up everyone?

00:00:18
Speaker 1: Wow? We just had Thanksgiving?

00:00:22
Speaker 2: How is your Thanksgiving?

00:00:23
Speaker 1: My Thanksgiving was awesome? Okay, so my little brother came into town. It was just me easton my mama ocean. We had the best time. It was hysterical because you know, we're like in this new place and we're fixing Thanksgiving and everything in my new place, I call it the safe House, is completely brand new. And before we moved in, they said to us, keep in mind everything's brand new, so things may like you may look at something and be like, oh, this isn't working. Well, the oven doesn't completely shut, so it just stays on, like the burner stays on. Stuff like yeah we heat. So everything was like so we basically prepped our entire Thanksgiving dinner in our what is that thing called downstairs? What thing the air fryer? We prepped. Oh and it was the bed Thanksgiving meal.

00:01:28
Speaker 2: Ever, Laala loves her air fryer, So I'm sure that was like your your Thanksgiving meal, that was the best one you've ever had.

00:01:35
Speaker 1: Maybe it was the best one I've ever had. And keep in mind, I'm obsessed with the air fryer because my mom and Easton are like obsessed with the air fryer. And I was like, fine, like I'll get a fucking air fryer. Thank God for it. We made the beans in there, we made the sweet potatoes in the every serres. Yeah, it was five stop.

00:01:54
Speaker 2: That's actually amazing. And also I told Lala, I was like, this Thanksgiving, you're in a brand new house, like you moved everything in, just go out to eat. But obviously you did not do that. You guys went. You went for it.

00:02:07
Speaker 1: I went for it. That's amazing. We fucking went for it.

00:02:10
Speaker 2: Because Kyle and I did not.

00:02:11
Speaker 1: Well, you were supposed to cook on Thanksgiving, that's like your thing. I didn't.

00:02:15
Speaker 2: We went to the Bellagio for Thanksgiving dinner with house Sad and Mom.

00:02:18
Speaker 1: It was great.

00:02:19
Speaker 2: It was really great. It was beautiful, it was relaxing. It was decorated for Christmas. So it was great. But I'm kind of like it was great. Next year, I'm going to cook.

00:02:28
Speaker 1: Next year, you're going to cook. Yeah, you'll live and you'll learn. Yeah, I remember there was a year that my mom took us to this place in Utah called Membara, and it was like, all, keep in mind, you guys, we're recording this podcast in my bed and there's like leaf blowers outside, so they're starting up again. You can hear them.

00:02:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is.

00:02:45
Speaker 1: Real life, people, well says real life. Welcome to the safe house. Welcome to the safe house. But I remember sitting there and it was like all this seafood and stuff. And I love seafood, but I was like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, and the worst part about going out there's no leftovers. That is true.

00:03:03
Speaker 2: That is something I miss see.

00:03:05
Speaker 1: The leftovers are the best part.

00:03:06
Speaker 2: Did you have leftovers this year?

00:03:08
Speaker 1: We did? So let me let me explain something to everybody. Though I have been incredibly stressed out. I can't imagine why. I've literally lost I just got weighed at the doctor and I have lost over like ten pounds. Oh, because I'm like, just my stomach every time I put food in my mouth, it just feels like I'm going to vomit. My stomach is just in knots and I'm trying to work through it mentally. It's not that I'm not eating because I don't want to, but I have. When certain things happen to me, I have a visceral reaction to them. My body responds in a way where it's like, not hungry, right, And so I having to force feed myself right now, and my mom is like, you're eating this, and it's it's difficult because I just have a lot on my mind and I'm doing a lot of things. I'm trying to work. I'm a single mom, all amazing. But I didn't back to off the heavy topic back to I did have leftovers. I didn't eat as much as I usually would, Okay, but I definitely was eating leftovers right right. The good thing is is when my appetite comes back. Oh, she comes back. She's like, where's the chocolate King Wings, where's the deep fried chicken?

00:04:30
Speaker 2: She comes back?

00:04:31
Speaker 1: She comes back, honey. So I will welcome her whenever she's ready to come back.

00:04:36
Speaker 3: Right.

00:04:36
Speaker 1: And one thing I'm worried about, though, Jess, is my reunion is coming up Friday, and I have a dress, but is it gonna fit? And where's wardrobe gonna have to pin me up?

00:04:45
Speaker 2: That's the vander Pump Rules reunion. As everybody knows, it's so great. Yeah, that's true. You're dressed though. There are two options that Lala's choosing between. They're both gorgeous, and I think either one you'll make work.

00:04:59
Speaker 1: Should I I spill some tee?

00:05:01
Speaker 2: Spill the tea?

00:05:02
Speaker 1: Okay? Fun? Fun fact. So I had this interview look that production went crazy over. I found out about the pictures of his name we shall not mention and the Nashville Girls. I decided on October twentieth, the day of my book signing, that I was going to change my tattoo.

00:05:25
Speaker 4: You did that too?

00:05:27
Speaker 1: Brand new? Well, because my outfit for the interview look had never been it hadn't been worn yet, and I had an interview coming up and it didn't have sleeves on it, and I was like, I have a new tattoo that I cannot reveal yet, So we need to make sure because I didn't know when they would use this interview look. You know, I'm like, they could pop it in tomorrow and it could be on this next episode and I cannot have that happen. So I wore the same dress that I wore at my book signing to do the interview look. It's like that cute little pink one hair in the bond feeling chic. Production was super amazing about it. They were like, we totally understand and now they've actually their number one pick for my reunion. Look is the dress that I was gonna wear in the interviews.

00:06:11
Speaker 2: And you and you guys, it's absolutely gorgeous and now you're rocking the brand new tattoo.

00:06:17
Speaker 1: With the brand new tattoo is such a vibe, such a vibe, It's gorgeous.

00:06:21
Speaker 2: And not only is it a vibe, it is now on my Mola's merch.

00:06:26
Speaker 1: It's just such a fun thing to say, like I'm brand new, like it's so yeah, and it's in my handwriting and I am brand new, like I feel with everything that's going on, like my mind is right right. Yeah, you know.

00:06:42
Speaker 2: Never, yes, I've never felt that you're more at peace, at ease, more of a boss as bitch, boss as bitch than you are now. But speaking of spilling the tea, yeah, Laala, I'm curious. So you mentioned the vander Pump Rules reunion and is filming this coming Friday, which will be December third, Will you spill tea? What are your thoughts on that?

00:07:10
Speaker 1: You know? I think there are certain things that can be discussed, and there are certain things that go a little deeper that you know, I will answer to the best of my ability, okay, But you know, unfortunately for me, my head has been in the sand. I don't know how the fuck I didn't see a lot of this shit right, And some of my comments and my meddling in other people's relationships. I don't know if it was a projection. I don't know what happened. All I know is a lot of things that I said and things that I you know, meddled in my comments didn't age well, right, And I'm okay with that, Okay, So I think a lot of it is going to be talking about that and having to answer for a lot of those And you know, I'm big on accountability, Yeah you are. You know. I don't like thinking. I don't when I behave a certain way, this, that, and the other. I'm a firm believer in the universe has always held me accountable. Yeah so, and it's made me have to sit here and face things and be truthful and honest. And with all of that, I'm grateful for because I lay my head down every single night and I know that I am a good person, Jess.

00:08:30
Speaker 2: You are one of the best people I know, and it's very sweet.

00:08:34
Speaker 1: I know that I mess up sometimes, but I am very proud of my evolution, and I'm when I look in the mirror, I know like that I was that I am a good human being and that's good enough for me.

00:08:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it should be. You're a great person. Your people see you. This is how I feel because I was one of those people I saw a lot of and I was like, Oh, she's a badass business woman. Look at her do this, look at her do that. And then you meet Lalla, and then within such a quick amount of time, you're like, oh, oh, this person is so much deeper than I thought. And then even you know, a couple weeks later, I'm seeing Lalla say things and do things on her own accord, not thinking anyone's watching or listening, for other people that no one will ever find out about, and she just does them out of the good of her heart for other people, for animals, and it's just like, oh, this is a good person.

00:09:32
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. And I will say about my cast members. You know, people watch and they all have an opinion. Oh Santa bal's this, Oh Shina does that? You know? Everyone has an opinion on every single person. I love she and I fucking hate Lalla. I can honestly say my cast members, who I'm lucky enough to also call my friends, they are good human beings, right, you know. We all have our little things where it's like, uh, don't that about you? And that's just part of being a human being, right, you know. But I can honestly say that group of people that I get to be friends with, they're just their core is good.

00:10:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know that. What a great way to feel about people you you surround yourself with. Oh yeah, that's amazing.

00:10:21
Speaker 1: So I'm very excited for the reunion. I feel like it's going to go great. And what they do is the reunion comes and we get every single episode so that we know what we're going to be talking about, because even though we lived it, we don't know what the episode entails, right. We love that, Yeah, and we don't know what everyone said about us behind our bags. So we have to watch Bravo, Bravo, Bravo, Bravo, Little Denise Richards, Bravo, Bravo, Bravo. So I've seen a lot of the episodes, but last night one of the episodes aired. Another one did an age so well with what I was saying, but it was it's funny because did you see that part?

00:11:02
Speaker 2: Okay in my interview, So I haven't watched it yet, but I've been like peeking in when you're watching it, you guys. I'm still trying to get my apartment together. Laala is way more ahead than I am. Her house is like looking amazing, So I need to watch it.

00:11:16
Speaker 1: But tell me what I shu you mean you've been doing other things besides speaking in and watching Bravo. What could you possibly be doing? Chess? Working her ass off? Such a hustler. I love her. Thank you the one part where it was like there are repercussions to your actions, you don't get to come home land next to all this? Are you crazy?

00:11:34
Speaker 2: I saw that? And how do you feel about that moment?

00:11:37
Speaker 1: It just feels so weird, Like the universe is like we're going to need to like make sure that she has some good interviews that kind of align with what's about to smack her in the face. Right.

00:11:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, Also, amen to that. I did see that clip because I heard it as you were watching it. And I peeked in, how do you feel about that? Would you say that same exact thing right now?

00:11:57
Speaker 1: Absolutely? Yeah, there are repercussions.

00:12:00
Speaker 2: Bye, I love it, I love it.

00:12:02
Speaker 4: Bye?

00:12:03
Speaker 1: What else? No questions ask no questions asked, no questions asked. You know the deal in this relationship. I had my head in the sand for a really long time, right, but I'm grateful no matter what. You know, what's five years and some change versus what I would have been in You know, for me, it's like I give clearcut things of what I expect in a relationship. Sadly, it's sad that that you even have to say, like, I have a zero this policy in this. Yeah, the second that I felt unsafe, I always I said this in therapy, I said, the second I get a pit in my stomach, it'll be a different conversation. I got that pit, Jessica, and I got the fuck out. But for you, no questions.

00:12:47
Speaker 2: Asked, no questions. But bye, here's my here's my question, no questions asked. But also I have a question. So I watch So I saw that interview clip, and I thought, there's no way if if I knew some things were going on, right, I wouldn't tell this this person and this interview was not it was a while ago or not that long ago, but it was.

00:13:11
Speaker 1: It was a while ago.

00:13:12
Speaker 3: It was.

00:13:13
Speaker 2: So my question to you is, you're this person in the interview and you're saying these things. Do you think that that also comes off to your friends and castmates or do you think like do you look at that person in the interview and think, oh, people must see me differently? You know what I'm saying.

00:13:30
Speaker 1: You know, I asked that question all the time, like what how could this be going on? And I had no idea.

00:13:41
Speaker 2: Right you know, yeah, yeah, because I look at that person in the interview and that's who you are now, and it's a take no shit, right, don't even try and cross the line. Yeah, it's interesting.

00:13:55
Speaker 1: It's it's very hard for me to watch this season.

00:13:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, very yeah. But you know what, Laala, you're the same person. That's what I'm like. It's not like this is how I feel. It's not like you're watching the show and you're like, oh, like, sure, you say some things that didn't age well, but overall you're not watching the show and you're like, oh my god, I'm like cringing at what I believed in that moment, or my morals.

00:14:21
Speaker 1: Or how I felt. No, You're right. When I when I watch it, it's like I was just someone who thought she was in a very different situation than she was actually in, right, you know. Yeah, the other part of last night's episode was me what is it called mimicking? Mocking, impersonating? Okay, impersonating Tam Mike Tom Sanderson.

00:14:45
Speaker 2: I saw this clip too because I heard someone talking. I was like, that's not wait is that wala? Is she impersonating?

00:14:50
Speaker 1: For impersonations?

00:14:51
Speaker 4: On point?

00:14:52
Speaker 2: But tell me about that scene.

00:14:54
Speaker 1: I just could picture Sandoval so clearly in my mind. It's when I heard that they were making cocktail, and then the way that they edited it together, it was like, this is cold.

00:15:05
Speaker 2: It's one of my favorite edits besides the Bitch montage.

00:15:09
Speaker 1: The Bitch montage wins the whole game.

00:15:11
Speaker 2: Right, Yes, that was incredible, Like you called it, you knew exactly you called it.

00:15:17
Speaker 1: How did that happen? I'm just appreciative for the editors because the fact that they pulled that together and how many seasons and times that I use the word bitch. Right, Bravo, Bravo Bravo, Bravo, Bravo evolution, Bravo evolution. I dig it.

00:15:34
Speaker 2: No, but I love that your impersonation of Tom Sandoval is amazing this and you don't have to do it now. But if you were to impersonate anyone else on the cast, who do you think you would nail? Because I feel like you were great at Tom Sandoval. Who could you Who do you look at at the cast and you're You're like, oh, I could impersonate him or her really well? Because I have an idea in my mind because I've heard you do it before, just as like being cute or funny.

00:15:57
Speaker 1: I think maybe Tom Schwartz or my sweet little Bambi Roquel. Okay, okay, I don't know that I'm gonna do it right now. No, no, no, don't do it right now.

00:16:06
Speaker 2: No, but I just because it was so like Tom Sandival, I would have been like, no, you can't do.

00:16:09
Speaker 1: That was the easiest one to do.

00:16:12
Speaker 2: It was good, It was good.

00:16:14
Speaker 1: It was good.

00:16:14
Speaker 4: Yeah.

00:16:15
Speaker 1: Anyway, moving on to our important guest. You guys, I'm so excited for today's podcast. I know I say that every time, but the guests that I get to have on are so amazing, And today I have a woman who literally is responsible for the path that I am on today. She is someone I wrote about in my book. Her name is doctor Stacy Cohen. She is the woman who I met with on a Friday over three years ago and she said to me, I want you to take this number down after hearing me speak. And this number she had me take down was a substance abuse basically a case manager. She helps get people sober. I said to doctor Cohen, are you asking me to be sober because I can't do that. She said, I'm not asking you to do anything. I just want you to take it in case you ever need it. Cut to that following Monday, I use the phone number that she gave me and she is just like, I'm so excited to have her on. We're going to talk about this time of year. It's supposed to be amazing and cheerful and you have like you know your we have Honukkah that's happening, we have Christmas coming up. It's supposed to be a very enjoyable time, but it's very stressful. A lot of people slip into depression during this time. I am going to have her help us navigate through all of this and just shed a little bit of light. And again, I want us all to feel like we're bonded through this podcast because we all share a lot of the same struggles. That is the point of doing this podcast. So when we come back, we have one of my angels, doctor Stacy Cohen. Now we are back with a woman who really saved my life, doctor Stacy Cohen. Stacy, I don't know if you remember this. You were the person that I had a session with and you gave me a phone number to call because we had spoken about my drinking. And I said, are you asking me to be sober? And you said, I'm not asking you to do anything. I just want you to take this number in case you ever need it. That was on a Friday, and I use that phone number the following Monday.

00:18:46
Speaker 4: Of course I remember.

00:18:48
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I just so you you're like one of my angels. I always say that. And now we're going into the holidays, and you know, people like to drink, they like to be merry. But I know that a lot of my followers and listeners always wonder how to navigate because depression and anxiety. They don't care if it's Christmas or Hanukkah. They it comes as it feels it wants to How do you tell people to navigate these emotions? And and I the illness is that I struggle with whether it's Christmas or not. You know, how how do we how do we navigate during this time?

00:19:35
Speaker 4: Well, I think you're exactly right.

00:19:37
Speaker 3: Depression and anxiety they don't They don't decide when to come, although they come oftentimes more frequently during the holidays.

00:19:47
Speaker 1: Actually, why is that.

00:19:50
Speaker 3: Sometimes times that might feel the best are also the most stressful, right, you know, sometimes our highs or our ups or you know, are are also you know, cortisol is released whether things are high or low, bad or good. When things aren't just kind of balanced, we get stressed. So it's very common that anxiety and depression creep up during those times. It's also times where we're triggered more. We tend to regress and sort of be brought back back to childhood traumas and whatnot when we're around family because we're reminded of things from the past. Sometimes those are good things, but sometimes those are difficult things. So a lot of times people aren't aware of all these sort of reasons that we're propelled backwards, or that our bodies are going to be more stressed and we're going to be more prone to things like anxiety and depression.

00:20:45
Speaker 1: Right, And I feel that same way. And it's so funny because you know I used to I don't want to say I used to. I still love the holidays, but they obviously are not as magical as they once were, you know, like they're just different. And you know, now I have a family, and I have the pressures and stresses of decorating the house and oh, we have to get this person a gift, and it's almost like we lose what this time is really about, which is what I loved when I was a child. You know, I wasn't into really getting gifts. That wasn't my big thing. I loved, you know, the Christmas dinners that we went to and being around groups of people. But as you get older, like it's your job now to plan these things and that is a lot of pressure. Do you find that a lot of moms or just women in general that are kind of in my age group, your age group, that are like this is too much?

00:21:49
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely. And it starts like a month or two before the holidays. It almost starts before Halloween really that early, yeah, because people are first stressing about Halloween, and then they realize that Thanksgiving is coming around the corner, and then it's Christmas and there's a lot of either travel or events or you know, things to decorate for, get gifts for, you know, everything you're talking about.

00:22:18
Speaker 4: It's a disruption and our routine.

00:22:19
Speaker 1: Right, And I've found that myself and people that are like me, we like our routine, we like our structure, and when things are kind of thrown off balance is when we start to spiral. Do you find that when during this time of year, I mean, are people you know double booking you, They're like, instead of one session this week, I'm going to need like four.

00:22:41
Speaker 3: It's definitely the busiest time of year for us as mental health providers. And I think, you know, I think people lose track of a lot of the things that keep them well, like, for example, exercise or meditation or seeing you know, the friends in our lives that help keep things together. Maybe they're gone, or maybe we can't see them because we're traveling or whatnot. Those things that usually hold us together we tend to lose sight of because we're busy doing other things.

00:23:08
Speaker 1: That makes so much sense because then you think about after the holiday, for everyone's New Year's resolution, it's always like, I'm going to get back to working out, this is I'm going to start meditating again. So we do kind of fall off the wagon a little bit.

00:23:21
Speaker 3: Absolutely, and our meals are very different. Our sugar intakes very high.

00:23:25
Speaker 1: All the pie in the world.

00:23:27
Speaker 4: Oh exactly.

00:23:29
Speaker 1: I'm going into my first holiday in many years as a single mom, and that to me, you know, I feel like I should be a little bit more concerned about it. I'm actually feeling very peaceful. Who knows, as the holiday gets closer, I may start realizing, holy shit, what advice because I'm getting a lot of DM since my life has kind of changed. Women that are going into their first holiday as single moms, or even if they're not moms, they're just going into a holiday without a partner. What advice can you can you give to me and women that are in my same position.

00:24:20
Speaker 4: I think we have.

00:24:21
Speaker 3: We need to take the wins. So if you're feeling good right now, celebrate that. Oh I love relish in it because I because there's gonna be hard times. And then there's gonna be good times, and there's gonna be hard times, and there's gonna be blot of times. And this, I mean, the last few years, everything's been flipped upside down for so many people. So when you feel good, enjoy it, like let yourself enjoy it, you know. I heard you say, like maybe I shouldn't be feeling so good, you know, let yourself enjoy it, be in it, be present. I know that when it's not that easy, it's also gonna go way too, you know.

00:24:57
Speaker 1: You know, I I think a lot of sit here and when we're not worried about something, just the day and age we live in, it's like something's wrong. Why am I not worried about something? It almost feels like, wait a minute, like I'm bored right now, But the bored is actually me feeling good and I'm supposed to be stressed. And Also, I love what you said because this goes back to what I learn in my program of AA is that feelings and places and all of that is it's only temporary. I think that that's hard for people to remember. Sometimes we feel very stuck in it. Yeah, And I'm sure you have a lot of people that come to you and they say, how do I stop feeling this way? And you're a psychiatrist, so you have the ability to write prescriptions and things like that. Do you have people come in and you're like, you don't need a prescription, You're just going to come in here and we're going to talk, because I don't think that we need to go that route.

00:25:57
Speaker 3: All the time. I joke that I'm taking people off of me. It's just as often as I'm putting people on meds, because the minute you tell someone you're a psychiatrist, like, oh, you're a shrink, You're the one with a prescription pad, right, And I'm actually an addiction psychiatrist, so I see people who have become addicted to medications from other psychiatrists quite often, which is wild. So oftentimes the solution is not in the pills. Sometimes it is, so you know, sometimes it's a bull and you know, sometimes there's really clearly something that will benefit from medication, and you need to get your brought up an exercise, you need to go to therapy, you need to go to AA, you need to stop drinking.

00:26:37
Speaker 1: Right, all of those things matter.

00:26:39
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, And sometimes the medication is life changing too, I know, definitely don't want an auth medications. It's just that's what's so tricky about my job, you know, cardiologist, we know every little bit of the heart and what's wrong and how to fix it. We don't know that about the brain and the mood, you know, and the temperament and your body.

00:26:59
Speaker 4: It's all connected. Then it's so messy and it's so confusing.

00:27:02
Speaker 1: Well, I know, the mind is a very complex thing and it can talk you in and out of a lot of different things. So during this time of year, if people come into you and they've never needed medication before and then all of the sudden they're like, this is too much for me, Like how do you navigate through something like that? Because as a sober person, there are times where I'll be venting to my sponsor or somebody and like a friend, and they'll say, you know, maybe at this time this would help. And because I'm sober and I'm very into my sobriety, I just feel like I would rather just talk to someone and we work through it that way. And I'm not knocking medication either. I've definitely been on anti anxiety antidepressants, got it. It is a lifesaver. And life changing for many people. But during this time, how do you say, you know, it's just this is a situational depression.

00:28:00
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah.

00:28:01
Speaker 3: It really depends on the severity of the symptoms, the duration of the symptoms, how problematic they are for people's lives. Everything in this big book that I don't really love, but that we use to diagnose things. But of course no one ever fits the cookie cutter picture of a diagnosis. But almost every diagnosis says to the extent that it's impairing functioning because we all, you know, get nervous, we get butterflies in our belly, we get you know, our chest starts pounding, We are afraid to do things, but we don't all have generalized anxiety disorder. Anxiety is an important tool. It tells us what's safe and what's not. But sometimes it tells us that things aren't safe, but they really are, you know, sometimes there's a misfiring.

00:28:45
Speaker 1: Wow, can I tell you I've never I've never heard that before the first part where you said that there is a benefit to anxiety, because there's it's it can tell us when we're safe and when we're not safe. You know, Yeah, that feeling that we get in our chest, that goes into our gut, letting us know like something's not right. Wow, I actually really love that I had. I'd never even thought of it that way. So it does sometimes play in our favor. And what I'm wondering is, you know, at what point does that usually go back to childhood trauma. At what point do you say, Okay, this anxiety is now not on your side, This is now affecting your day to day life, and you're thinking you're not safe in any situation.

00:29:36
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, when it gets to that point of being excessive, where it's causing problems in our relationships, where it's causing us not to be able to do things that we enjoy doing, like people that won't leave the house because they're too anxious or they're always late, or they won't make new friends, or they won't talk to people in class or at work, or they can't sleep or they can't eat. So it's it's truly like a bundle of criteria, and when you have enough that it's problematic, then we start to say, Okay, maybe this would benefit from therapy.

00:30:09
Speaker 4: Therapy is the start.

00:30:10
Speaker 3: When it's like mild to moderate, we start with therapy and then maybe we move into medication and actually exercise can be more effective than medication.

00:30:19
Speaker 1: You know, I always said I don't work out for my body. That's kind of like the bonus. I work out for my mental health because there's just something about it that makes me feel like I can take on the rest of the day.

00:30:33
Speaker 4: Yeah, me too.

00:30:35
Speaker 1: So with the state that we're in because we went we have been in you know, lockdown for over a year, we're starting to come out of our shell again. I mean, I'm sure that you have had people show up in your office that are like, I don't know how to function out there anymore. I've lost all of my social skills. Definitely, how do we get back to being normal? Like, what is your advice?

00:31:03
Speaker 3: You know, we we walked into this slowly, you know. I remember we were all buying toilet paper.

00:31:10
Speaker 4: We thought it would be like a two week.

00:31:11
Speaker 3: Thing, you know, and we were in and out, but we weren't really like super careful. And then all of a sudden, people, you know, I have friends of mine who were spraying down their groceries before they were allowed to bring in the house. I mean all sorts of I wasn't doing that, but people were doing that. So we we all walked into this at different paces, but it didn't happen overnight. We started hearing about it, and then we started getting a little scared, and then there were some like shocking, you know moments where.

00:31:39
Speaker 4: We kind of locked down.

00:31:40
Speaker 3: But then we were out and then there was a you know, recurrence that we're back in. And so it's the same thing with getting back to life. We don't just suddenly proof we're you know, life is how it was. We have to sort of step in slowly at our own pace, and everyone's going to do that a little bit differently, and we need to be kind to ourselves and gentle.

00:32:00
Speaker 1: On the hardest part.

00:32:02
Speaker 3: Yes, that is the hardest part, because we might go and it might not make sense to anyone. It's kind of like the whole boundary thing we learn about. We need to set boundaries and they may not make sense to anyone else, but they're for us and they make us healthier. You know, I might go to one thing and then not be comfortable the next day going to the other because I heard about Overcrown on the news or whatever, you.

00:32:21
Speaker 4: Know, and someone might be upset.

00:32:23
Speaker 3: I was speaking of friends and they were upset because, you know, they found out their friends went to this wedding and then they didn't come to their house for the holidays. But you know what, it's it's a one day at a time sort of thing, and we need to just be gentle.

00:32:37
Speaker 1: Be gentle. I I. Oh, it's so funny because I'm very good at preaching, not so great at practicing what I'm preaching. But there are times where I sit there and I do feel comfortable going to the mall one day, got my mask on, and then my friend is having a get together and I'm like, but I don't feel I don't know that I feel comfortable doing that. Almost have to be careful what you're posting on social media because you don't want to have to explain yourself. But you're right, I think being kind to each other and just allowing people to get back into this routine that was really taken away. I mean most of us. I know, I did throughout COVID, which lasted, like you said, way longer than we expected. All I did was watch TV and like feed my face, you know, so to ask me to go socialize with a group of people after doing that for over a year is like, oh my gosh, we're back, you know, holiday parties. I don't even know what to ask people.

00:33:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, it's tough. And then we're also going through normal way. I mean, you had a baby, I had a baby.

00:33:44
Speaker 1: Congratulations you had a baby girl as well.

00:33:47
Speaker 3: Yes, they're on the same age and we're going through all that too. Yeah, and everyone else is going through their own things too, you know. So it's it's already hard, and there are some gifts. I mean, we were taught to slow down. We were taught we don't have to go travel and be everywhere and be everything and do everything and life still.

00:34:08
Speaker 4: Goes on, right, you know, we learned to sit still, some of us, Right.

00:34:14
Speaker 1: I think that was the biggest thing is for me is being able to just be, which, you know, with how much is out there and everything is so accessible, just like that, to just have to sit with your own thoughts for a minute and be okay was actually very amazing.

00:34:35
Speaker 4: You know.

00:34:36
Speaker 1: That's what I gained from COVID And I just want to know. You are a new mom and you're going into the holidays. You're a working mom who's solving other people's mental health problems. You're the solution to that. I mean, how do you navigate this time of year or any time of year with your job and being a new mom.

00:34:57
Speaker 3: Yeah. Listen, we're not immune just because we're helping people from needing our own help. So that means for me, that means meditation, that means exercise. Did yoga this morning in between taking care of my baby? Wow, that means therapy. That means friends. For me, friends are huge.

00:35:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, I kind of exit your day to day have them get your mind off things.

00:35:25
Speaker 4: Yeah.

00:35:26
Speaker 1: And a lot of sleep.

00:35:27
Speaker 4: A lot of sleep. Yeah, and asking for help.

00:35:31
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people get nervous to ask for help.

00:35:34
Speaker 3: Yes, well, and it was it became difficult, I think for people during the pandemic to ask for.

00:35:39
Speaker 1: Help absolutely because it was like there was there was nothing for you to feel like was wrong. The whole world was shut down, and it was like, why am I feeling this way when you know on days that I was working, I would have prayed for this day to not be able to do anything. So it was kind of a mind fuck. Yes, you know. On that note, I want to take a very quick break. We will be right back with one of my angels. Doctor Stacy Cohen. We are back with doctor Stacy Cohen. We are talking about how to navigate our anxiety, our depression, just all of our feels through this time of year, a time that's supposed to be you know, everyone's out skipping on the street, We're buying presents, kids are excited for Santa Claus, people are celebrating Hanukkah, lighting the Manora, and then you just sometimes sit there and go, why the fuck am I feeling so down when it's like the happiest time of year. So Doctor Cohen and I are telling you guys, well I'm just listening and taking note, but doctor Cohen is helping us navigate through this time. So my other thing was because we were talking about being kind to ourselves during this time, and I actually think at this time of years when people get the most bitchy. Do you find that that happens when you have someone come in your office and you're like, Okay, she is very triggered by the holidays. He is very triggered by the holidays. We've got to work through. Do you go back to like, why are you triggered during the holidays? I'm sure sometimes it goes very deep sometimes I'm sure it's as simple as like, this is just stressful period. It doesn't have anything to do with childhood trauma. I'm just stressed out.

00:37:30
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I'm in my childhood. I'm still home for the holidays right now. My childhood. I love that, and I'm very apropos of what we're talking about. And my sister's family was here with her three kids. We were all under one room for Thanksgiving.

00:37:48
Speaker 1: Was it chaotic?

00:37:49
Speaker 4: Totally chaotic, but.

00:37:51
Speaker 1: Like the fun type of chaotic because that was something I liked. But again, now we're grown women, but when I was a kid, I loved the chaos.

00:37:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a both, and I mean it's like you're excited to come home and see everyone, and then you you like sort of have amnesia.

00:38:06
Speaker 4: You forget all the bad stuff that happens every year, and.

00:38:09
Speaker 3: Then you come back and it's all on your face again and you're like, oh, yeah, this is fine.

00:38:12
Speaker 1: I left, right, So do you stay through? I believe you're Jewish?

00:38:20
Speaker 4: Correct, Yeah, I'm here.

00:38:21
Speaker 3: So we had Hanakhah and then I, okay, I'm giving a talk in the Midwest, so I just kind of stayed here.

00:38:26
Speaker 4: So I'm here long stay and you.

00:38:28
Speaker 1: Have your daughter with you. Yes, Oh my gosh, you're like a rock star.

00:38:33
Speaker 4: And I too am missing a mom so I get it.

00:38:37
Speaker 1: Wow, I'm can you inspire me? And we sit here and we're like, how did we end up here? And then you go back to that moment. Oh, yes, that is how, and then you have all the strength in the world and you just push forward, working, you saving people's minds.

00:38:54
Speaker 4: You just do it.

00:38:57
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that the reason I love doing this podcast and the reason I'm so grateful to have you on is this creates a space for us to really talk about things that we don't normally talk about, and creates a space for us to bond and be real and authentic because right now, the only thing we really have is our cell phones, and we all know that social media is not real life. This is where I want people to come to hear real life. So that being said, I want to know your take because we were talking about how no one wanted Most people don't want to talk about their feelings and they don't want to ask for help. Do you feel like mental illness is still a taboo?

00:39:44
Speaker 3: I think it's getting much better. I mean, I was watching football. I like football, but football was on in the background of my holidays, and there was a commercial where the football players were talking about their mental health. So I don't know if you saw it, it was like, it was amazing. It was really amazing.

00:40:03
Speaker 1: I have chills about So it was a commercial about them talking about their mental health and.

00:40:07
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it was just about getting help from mental I mean, it was just it was like a proud mama as a psychiatrist in MoMA moment, so happy to see because I've seen, you know, a number of athletes struggling with mental illness, but to see it front and center, you know, for the world to see, right these men there that are inspiring young boys that would never be talking about their problems, you know it. It made me so proud and so happy. So I do think I have a chills.

00:40:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes me. I'm so glad you shared that with me, because I also do not watch football, so I don't think I ever would have seen that, but that sounds amazing. I'm so happy that they decided to put that in the forefront. I I realized that mental health wasn't talked about as much as I thought it was. I grew up in a very open household, and my friends were very open, and you know, I just that's the way I grew up. And I remember my second season on the show I'm On I opened up about my anxiety, and I just I didn't think anything of it. I just kind of made a statement. I was upset that, you know, I was taught, not upset that I was talking about it. I was just upset and sharing my anxiety and the amount of DMS and just the response I got was overwhelmingly beautiful. But it was also kind of like, why are people saying thank you for opening up about this? Because I totally thought we were in a time where this was just like, let's talk about it. Let's be open about our anxiety and our depression and where our minds are. And so I wanted to get your take on that, and I agree. I think it used to be taboo, but things are getting better. And I also love that we're focused on the fact that it's these grown men who are athletes that are talking about their mental health.

00:42:08
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:42:09
Speaker 4: Wow, a huge step, A huge step, A huge step.

00:42:13
Speaker 1: And how long have you been in this business? How long have you been a psychiatrist for.

00:42:19
Speaker 3: So I've been working independently on around since twenty thirteen. I was in training for years before that.

00:42:26
Speaker 1: Wow, and you have always done this in the Los Angeles area or do you travel in them?

00:42:33
Speaker 3: I did some of my training in Chicago, and then, yeah, I've been in LA ever since I started.

00:42:38
Speaker 4: Boy, oh boy, is it a big place to treat mental health and addiction.

00:42:42
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. I can only imagine, because I remember coming into your office that day, and you know, I had come to the realization in that moment quote unquote, I had just you know, decided for myself, you like drinking and that's okay, and you have fun and once you get pregnant is when you'll stop drinking. Like that was my sick thought process.

00:43:09
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's very common.

00:43:11
Speaker 1: Is it common?

00:43:12
Speaker 3: Yeah to think that, uh huh wow, Well it's kind of the like, when this happens, then I'll do you know. It's that sort of thinking.

00:43:20
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I could totally see that, and I'm sure that is there like a specific time of year. I remember at one of my AA meetings there. It was a huge one online and there were like thirty birthdays that were happening in October and that's when I got sober. Is there a specific month or time of year that you can pinpoint where you're like, Okay, this is when most people start realizing that they want to get sober.

00:43:52
Speaker 4: That's interesting. I mean, I think it's different for everyone.

00:43:56
Speaker 3: The holidays can be a time of more problem so a lot of times after the holidays, you know, after the holidays resolution.

00:44:05
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know what that October situation was.

00:44:08
Speaker 1: I didn't either, and I had asked my sponsor and she goes, yes, a lot of people get sober in October because they say that they're not entering another holiday season the way they used to be.

00:44:20
Speaker 4: News to me.

00:44:21
Speaker 1: That was news to me too.

00:44:22
Speaker 4: Yeah.

00:44:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's so many gems in AA that we don't study because we're not really like allowed to a great sort of secret society that it is, which is it's amazing.

00:44:34
Speaker 4: No, I agree, there's so much to learn there.

00:44:39
Speaker 1: I love that, But I could I notice with some of my friends, you know, you we live in La number one, there's something going on all the time, always an excuse to have a cocktail. It's like it's a Monday at three o'clock and someone's having some freaking gifting suite with fabulous cocktails. Then the holidays roll around and it's like time to blow it the fuck out, like we're like we're drinking. That's just how it is. I remember last week we did an episode, me and my assistant, and she was asking me what my Thanksgiving tradition used to be, and I said, drinking.

00:45:20
Speaker 3: Obviously, so common people who struggle with the alcohol used to sort of. They will pinpoint exactly what drinks they had and what time of day and what they would drink for each holiday.

00:45:28
Speaker 1: They'll know, of course wild, it's wild. I can pinpoint, like you wake up, you start with the coffee and Bailey's, then you graduate to the mimosas. Then as it starts getting to be lunchtime, you want your little bloody Mary because that's, you know, more savory. I just remember it like it was yesterday and now I'm going into my third holiday.

00:45:52
Speaker 4: Graul.

00:45:53
Speaker 1: No, well thanks to you.

00:45:55
Speaker 4: I'm just like you did it. I didn't do much.

00:45:58
Speaker 1: I mean you open and you opened that door and I don't know if that would have happened for me without you. And sorry I'm getting emotional about it.

00:46:10
Speaker 4: I love that.

00:46:12
Speaker 1: I'm beyond grateful for you. I wrote about you in my book.

00:46:18
Speaker 4: Oh you did.

00:46:20
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, you know, please don't read it. Please don't read the book. I just know you're in there, and I'm forever grateful and I'm so happy that you could do the podcast with me today and make people feel safe and like it's okay to struggle at this time. But we got this, everybody. We're going to go into the holidays and we're going to feel our feels and we're going to remember what doctor Cohen said, Everything is temporary, Doctor Cohen, thank you so so much.

00:46:48
Speaker 4: Thank you.

00:46:48
Speaker 3: I'm so I'm so inspired by you. And honestly, the star power, I mean, one of the cool things about LA. As much as there's a cocktail at every event, there's also a sober person on every corner.

00:47:00
Speaker 4: Talking about it. And I think the star.

00:47:02
Speaker 3: Power in sobriety is really incredible and helps a lot of young people, people people of allayed just get sober because they hear people.

00:47:09
Speaker 4: Like you talking about it. So so proud of you and happy for you.

00:47:13
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I'll let you go enjoy your day, enjoy your gorgeous baby, and again, thank you so much.

00:47:19
Speaker 4: You take care, thank you, I talked about it,