Marinating Over Activating with Sarah Jakes Roberts

00:00:09
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this episode. To keep it Pazza is sweetie. I'm Christahine Hazlet, and today I have with me guys. I'm so excited about this one. I have the Sarah Jakes.

00:00:19
Speaker 2: Roberts, Hi, thank you so much for recco. I'm so excited.

00:00:23
Speaker 1: No, I'm so excited when you're on your book too. Right now.

00:00:26
Speaker 2: We got you to stop by when you DM me and ask me to be a part of the tour, I literally was like, is this a spam message? This really her? So I had to go to the panily like, wait, this is really her.

00:00:37
Speaker 3: Of course, you're making such an incredible impact. I know that you're gonna add so much value.

00:00:41
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I hope to see you guys there tonight. I can't wait.

00:00:47
Speaker 1: Well, by the time this airs, it would already happen, but I hope to see you guys there. I like to start off each episode with either a quote or a song, and today I thought it would be only fitting to do a quote from your new book.

00:00:58
Speaker 2: Okay, power Mood. Make sure you guys get it. It is so good and it's so powerful.

00:01:04
Speaker 1: The quote says the only thing worse than being powerless is falling for the illusion that power can be a mass by what you have instead of who you are willing to become. When I read that, I was like, that's so powerful, because a lot of times we look around like, well, I don't have this, I don't have that, have that, but not thinking, hey, it's really what I need to be to get where I'm trying to go, for sure. So I wanted to open up with that because I know a lot of times people get caught up in the now and looking to where they want to go and feel stuck, you know.

00:01:34
Speaker 2: So that really spoke to me.

00:01:35
Speaker 3: Thank you, or people who have a lot realized that I still feel empty on the inside.

00:01:40
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Street No, for sure, I feel like.

00:01:46
Speaker 1: My mom used to always tell me, it's never enough, like you're never satisfied, and I feel like it. And Tyler always says, once you hit the top of one level, it's like starting all.

00:01:54
Speaker 2: Ower grade in one. And I feel like that's where in my life.

00:01:57
Speaker 1: Right now, Like I've reached another level and I'm like, oh gosh, I'm having to learn everything all over again.

00:02:01
Speaker 2: For this level.

00:02:02
Speaker 1: It's like trying to find new codes and how to like a video game, like how do I get past this level?

00:02:06
Speaker 2: And I'm in that space right now. But that's so true.

00:02:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes me What are you learning about this season?

00:02:13
Speaker 1: You know? What I am learning is that this is what I prayed for. A lot of times, I feel myself getting really stressed out. I'm like, oh, Lord, okay, I asked you to enlarge my territory, but I didn't know this is what came with the enlarging of the territory.

00:02:25
Speaker 2: So for me, I'm learning to just pause. Even yesterday I had a situation with my stylists. Not to call you out, but I'm calling you out.

00:02:33
Speaker 1: She was supposed to send something for tonight yesterday and I'm like, hey, where's the clothes? And she's like, oh my gosh, I've been so swamped.

00:02:40
Speaker 2: I didn't get it.

00:02:41
Speaker 1: And I'm like in the middle of studying the film next week, and I normally I would have had a headic attack just thinking like I don't have time, so like it just nesses everything up when everything doesn't fall into place. I'm like, you know what give people grace? And you used to be a stylist figure it out, So like, what's the solution because I used to like have a little pity party. Now it's like, you know what, find a solution.

00:03:01
Speaker 2: Breathe.

00:03:01
Speaker 1: Everything's fine, and everything's fine, that's the main thing.

00:03:05
Speaker 2: And you still got a job as long as my clothes get But no, I am.

00:03:14
Speaker 1: I'm learning to give myself grace and give other people grace. Yeah, And that's the main thing, because I feel like a lot of times we're so hard on ourselves.

00:03:21
Speaker 2: I have, I had, I'm working on it. A perfectionist spirit.

00:03:25
Speaker 1: Where it came from a childhood like everything had to be right just because I didn't want to get in trouble or I was scared to make bad grade because I didn't certain different things I didn't want to happen. So like this perfection thing just carried through my whole life and even as an adult into relationships.

00:03:40
Speaker 2: Just everything had to be perfect. And that's just not life.

00:03:42
Speaker 3: No, not even a little bit right, right, Seriously, have you ever dealt with anything like that?

00:03:48
Speaker 2: Man?

00:03:50
Speaker 3: I think my thing was once I figured I messed up, like in the eyes of the church and the eyes of my family.

00:03:56
Speaker 2: Once I became a teen mom.

00:03:57
Speaker 3: I felt like the bar was so low for me that there was no there was no reason to try and be perfect. So I think I just was like, we'll try whatever, we'll do whatever. And so I think come into a space where I find worth in value and myself has allowed me to work on my own set of ethics that weren't based on someone else's opinion or perspective of who I was because I didn't have a lot to reach forth.

00:04:25
Speaker 2: Wow, that is powerful.

00:04:27
Speaker 1: You touched on fourteen year old Sarah. I want to talk to fourteen year old Sarah because.

00:04:32
Speaker 2: We have an old We're going to try and make me cry.

00:04:35
Speaker 1: No, okay, no, I'm really no, no, no, no, no no. But we have like a wide range of age groups in this in our community. Sure, I have high school girls all the way to women. Oh you say more mature women are seasoned women. Yes, So I want to talk to fourteen year old Sarah because I know just being the daughter of Bishop the Bishop Tdjakes already carries a way of responsibility that you didn't ask for even as a child.

00:05:06
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

00:05:07
Speaker 1: Growing up in the church and the church can be one of the most judgmental places that there is what was that like in the mental of fourteen year old Sayer realizing, Oh my goodness, I've made a mistake and what you probably felt was a grave mistake in the eyes of a pastor's daughter.

00:05:25
Speaker 3: You know, I was so young, so I was technically thirteen when I got pregnant. I was so young that the worst thing I could think about was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to get a whooping, I'm going to get grounded. I wasn't even thinking about the implications of like having a child. All I could think about is how my parents would respond. It was their response that let me know that this is bigger than trouble, Like your life has changed. There was something about the way they responded that made me realize, like, this isn't something grounding's going to fix. This isn't something that we're going to take the TV away, right. I had no idea what it meant to be a parent. I had no idea. Yeah, and then their grief let me know that this is going to be hard. And then I begin to realize, like, not only am I going to have to figure out whatever it means to be a parent at fourteen years old, I'm also gonna have to do it with this audience, right. And so the first time anyone at the church even knew that I was pregnant. I had my son in the October, so my Mother's Day. My parents knew the Mother's Day before I had him. Yeah, and I wasn't showing. But there was a family friend who knew. And my father did a prayer for mothers in the church and he asked them mothers to stand and this woman grabs me by my hand and has me stand up.

00:06:44
Speaker 2: What I just got chills? What it was that was yeah, messy, like girl, what is your I know? Sweeten was like ma'am. But that's see.

00:06:54
Speaker 3: I think part of how I think I even ended up pregnant was like my parents when we lived in West Virginia that's where I was born, we would like it was a smaller family church. We'd all sit together when we moved to Dallas because of just how that church was said at Like my parents sat on the platform and we sat on the floor. And so that separation at like seven eight years old was the beginning me feeling like I don't know where I fit like and then we had fifteen hundred people joined the church that Sunday, and so it's like you mean something to them, but you don't really know what you mean to them. And then I don't have this comfort or security blanket which would have been my parents, And so she didn't even know until after service.

00:07:35
Speaker 2: My sister was so upset. My sister was so upset. It wasn't the place for that place to do that.

00:07:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, how did you feel that moment where you just like humiliated, like what are you?

00:07:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was the beginning of shame. That was the beginning of shame. I think before then, like I knew my life had changed. I was still probably trying to figure out what that meant. I knew my parents were grieving and working through something. But the beginning of embarrassment and ashamed happened before I was even showing wow, and it just carried on throughout then, wondering like what do people think about me? Or knowing what people thought about me, you know, people like you know, fast girls are contagious, so like we got to pull our daughters away from you. So that was an interesting thing.

00:08:19
Speaker 1: It's funny when you say fast girls are contagious. We had to pull our daughters away from you. I remember my brother. He had gotten in trouble when he was younger, and as parents, you want to when you see other people's children saying, don't hang around him because he's a troublemaker and your son hasn't done anything yet. But then when your son gets in trouble and you feel what it feels like for other parents, be like stay away from him, crazy.

00:08:42
Speaker 2: It's a different.

00:08:43
Speaker 1: Feeling, and you're like, oh, then you realize what that feels like. It's not until it's your child that people are saying don't hang around that when I don't.

00:08:51
Speaker 2: She's a troublemaker.

00:08:51
Speaker 1: He's a troublemaker that they realize, Oh, this is what I was doing too to understand their kids.

00:08:57
Speaker 3: And it's so interesting now that I am a parent, I think that like, separation is what we use instead of conversation. So instead of talking about like what types of conversations are you all having at your age, and like how did you feel about that, and like what do you think about your own body and your own like what, we don't have conversations. We just separate, which doesn't necessarily keep it from happening, because unless we're having communication with our children, we're just setting them up to do something with a different friend group.

00:09:26
Speaker 2: You know exactly. That's so true. How do you have transparent and vulnerable conversations with your kids?

00:09:31
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, okay, because you know now, I like, I'm probably overboard.

00:09:34
Speaker 2: They're probably sicking me.

00:09:36
Speaker 1: Mom.

00:09:38
Speaker 3: So a few years ago, my daughter was singing a song in the car, is like some Lizzo song, and she whatever it was. I don't remember exactly the song, but whatever it was, I could tell she was talking about something nasty, but she was it had some candy on it, so what nastiness?

00:09:53
Speaker 2: Right?

00:09:54
Speaker 3: And so I paused it and I was like, what do you think she just meant by that? And she was like, I don't know, I just like to be I was like, well, she's talking about is someone that I'm using like the biological names, body parts like?

00:10:04
Speaker 2: And how about this happening there? She's like, I was like, is that gross? Isn't that terrible?

00:10:10
Speaker 3: Break this down because I just want you to understand that, like part of the messages that are being sent are so sugarcoated that you will be bopping your head to something that you actually think is gross. And I'm like, okay, the beat. It like, I'm not trying to take your little shoulder bop away. I just want you to know that while your shoulders are bopping, they're trying to.

00:10:26
Speaker 2: Send you a message exactly. And so she was.

00:10:29
Speaker 3: Early in her life when we started asking when she when we had that conversation. Another thing I've done is I'm like, anything in the world that you asked me, I will answer because if you were grown enough to ask me, like if it's circling in your world, circling in your thoughts, I want you to know that, no matter what, if you ask me, I will tell you the truth. And my girls take full advantage of this. I tell my husband sometimes some of the stuff they're asking me.

00:10:53
Speaker 2: He's like, oh, I don't ask you right there.

00:10:58
Speaker 3: But it's really funny to hear what's happening in their school, Like I'm keeping up with all their friends, and like, oh, was she talking about house her friends? How are things with her mom? I'm not like the other mom. I'm a cool mom right right. I can sense that, but it helps me. It helps me to keep a pulse on their world. My kids are really really important to me. And then the scheme of all of what's happening in my life. I just want them to always feel centered stage and I want them to know that I want to be a part of your world. You're not just in my world. I want to be a part of your world. And we work towards that.

00:11:30
Speaker 2: I love. That is amazing. I thank you. I love being a mom. It's okay.

00:11:34
Speaker 1: Now, let me tell you something personal. I go back and forth if I want.

00:11:38
Speaker 2: To have kids.

00:11:39
Speaker 1: I'm forty one now, and I'm like, you know, as we get older, it's harder to have kids, and pd I go to change church doctor Dais Daniels, and he told the story about Sarah okay, and I was like, well, maybe I'll have a Sarah moment, you know where, like later on in life, if God's willing, then I'll.

00:11:54
Speaker 2: Have a child.

00:11:56
Speaker 1: But I am so scared to bring up a child into the world that it is today because it's not like it was we were growing up. It is so different. And I just think about all the influence from social media to the music, you know, even like the music we listen to back then in the nineties, they were saying some freaky stuff that and now I'm growing I'm like, I know I did.

00:12:16
Speaker 3: The fact that I could rap word for words Lady Chris's song I Want to Do Things in.

00:12:21
Speaker 2: The back of the crowd. I mean word for words.

00:12:26
Speaker 3: I know I was when I think about it in context, like now, I'm like, no, wonder you got presnout. It's not didn't exist in your world like R. Kelly was out here talking about Ignition, Key's Ignition, Like there was a curiosity in the music. And that has really helped me to forgive myself too, because a lot of times I was just looking at what I did, but not the context that I was raising when I made those choices. So my parents are busy, they're working, and I am literally being raised by the culture. I'm being raised by hip hop. I'm being raised by music, and so it was not as far off as it's people people made it sing. Even seeing my daughter years ago, we're listening to the song she's fourteen now, and they're talking about sex in the song, and so it's not as like, oh my gosh.

00:13:10
Speaker 2: Where did this come from? Right, It's everywhere. It's everywhere, and.

00:13:14
Speaker 1: We turn TV on, it's on the TV, it's in the music, it's on social media, like everywhere.

00:13:19
Speaker 2: You turning them.

00:13:20
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, I was like, do I want to bring up a checause I know how protect vume of my nieces and nephews and people I love. I would get on my child's nerves. They'd be like, mama police.

00:13:29
Speaker 2: I'm like, what are you doing?

00:13:29
Speaker 1: What are you going?

00:13:30
Speaker 3: I totally support the women's you know, right to be able to say I don't know if motherhood is going to be my thing. Like I may be the rich Auntie vibes, because it's very much giving rich Aunti vibes in here, definitely not giving toys. I'm gonna be honest with you. Oh my gosh, it's not giving diapers. But you know, you know it could.

00:13:52
Speaker 2: It could if you wanted to want to, but it could not if you don't want it. I got a basement that all the walls are black, okay, dark ferns. Just start down there. They can they can go down there and do all of the mass.

00:14:02
Speaker 1: My my brother's girlfriend was changing my nephew's diaper on.

00:14:07
Speaker 2: That sofa back there. How that custom sofa?

00:14:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I came, I said, can you put him on the floor.

00:14:14
Speaker 2: She's like I'm not. She's like, I'm not gonna.

00:14:16
Speaker 1: Can you put him on the just to be safe, just I don't even know I was. And it's so funny because he'll come through her hands on. Yeah, and sometimes I tell the cleaning lady just leave that there just so I can see like his little hair around the window.

00:14:30
Speaker 2: And I'm like, well, maybe I could. It is an incredible journey.

00:14:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's an incredible journey to see a version of yourself, but also to experience this person who has their unique imprint and identity. It's it's petrifying, it's exciting, but it's one of it's one of.

00:14:51
Speaker 2: The things I love. It is. I mean, I love you and.

00:14:54
Speaker 3: My husband's wife, yes, but it's one of the things I love the most in my world.

00:14:59
Speaker 2: That's amazing.

00:15:00
Speaker 1: You talk about how you want your children to feel like they're a part of your life, not just in your life.

00:15:05
Speaker 2: And a part of her book.

00:15:06
Speaker 1: You let me get to the note you talked about here we go. You talked about imagine me. Imagine with me. You're standing in an empty parking lot with reserve spaces. You can't tell what each spot is labeled, but each time a new expression of your identity is added. A car pulls into a spot. Eventually you see that there are spots labeled child, friends, sibling, partner, leader, students, entrepreneur, or colleague, each spot with its own car. When you are navigating the responsibility of your life, you're moving from one vehicle.

00:15:36
Speaker 2: To the next.

00:15:38
Speaker 1: So you were on this tour, seven city tour. How are you finding time for your children, your husband, your team?

00:15:45
Speaker 2: You got so much going on, Like, how do you balance it off? Preaching? You're doing everything well.

00:15:50
Speaker 3: I put a lot of time in with the family before I go on the road.

00:15:53
Speaker 2: That's good.

00:15:54
Speaker 3: A lot of times. So my husband and I are usually taking them to school. My husband and I are picking them up. My whole world fits around their school schedule.

00:16:02
Speaker 2: That's amazing.

00:16:03
Speaker 3: Like after two thirty, I can't take any meetings, Like maybe I could take something at four thirty when I get home, but my world centers around them when I'm home, so that when I tell them that I need to take some time to do the thing that I get to do that I love to do that makes me feel fulfilled, they are more willing because I put in a lot of time at home. Even then, we're doing a lot of texting, a lot of face timing. I was on face time last night with my daughter. I mean, she's eight. We were definitely having some girl time, some girl talk, but I stay in touch with them. Then my husband's on the road with me too, and he's like also helping me to facilitate everything connected with the tour, but he's also you know, my soft place when it's finished. Because a lot of this requires me to be more extroverted than I am naturally and to have more energy than I usually do. And I always tell people like, he knows how much it cost me to be me wo and so when the day is over, to be able to have someone who's like, I know that was expensive, it grounds me.

00:17:02
Speaker 2: That is so good. Yeah, I'm the same way.

00:17:04
Speaker 1: I am like introverted. But then they tell me I'm the most introverted extrovert person. Really, yes, Because my bad social battery runs very fast.

00:17:14
Speaker 2: Okay, And I'm like, okay, I need that. I need a minute. I go to my corner so I can recharge, and then I come back and I'm like, okay, let's ask some fun that see I'm only introverted.

00:17:24
Speaker 3: I said, I feel like I'm so weird. I'm trying to people like I would love to spend the day with you. I was like, you would be so disappointed. I am so socially awkward. It's not even funny, Like it takes so much for me to be like, all right, I'm gonna go talk to people, like in a room full of people. Girls, here's something because you can put words together that that means you're not introverted.

00:17:44
Speaker 2: But it's like, just because I know how to use words, it doesn't mean I want to use right. That far true.

00:17:52
Speaker 1: I'm the same literally the same way my friends tell me that I said, She'll ask me if I want to do something, I'm like, no, no, you say no so easy and like with no life no because there is no because no.

00:18:06
Speaker 2: I can't do it. I can.

00:18:09
Speaker 1: Dena will tell you that there are times where I'm like, oh, like I just need a minute. And she's like the best housemate because she knows, like as soon as we're done working, go to our respective.

00:18:18
Speaker 2: Corners, like she goes, yeah, and it's almost like nobody's here. I'm like, this is great. Yeah, I love that.

00:18:24
Speaker 3: I love traveling with people who who like don't make me feel like we're traveling together.

00:18:28
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I learned that with Tyler him, Yeah, understanding that this person has a million things going on.

00:18:34
Speaker 2: They don't need me talking.

00:18:36
Speaker 1: They just need to feel like you're not there almost.

00:18:38
Speaker 2: That's the thing.

00:18:39
Speaker 3: That's the thing because a lot of times when I am working with someone intimately, like they're like, now here's my chance to like tell you all of the things that I want to tell.

00:18:48
Speaker 2: It's not I need you. You're doing this. I need you? Yeah, little less mean, are you?

00:18:55
Speaker 3: Especially because I mean when I'm with my kids, like they're talking twenty four seven, so I'm I'm constantly around talking, so silence refueled me.

00:19:03
Speaker 2: So I need silence saying I am the same way.

00:19:06
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, you talked about Terray being your pastor Teray, would you I'm the respectful ay pastor Teray being your sauce face, especially on the road. Do you remember the first person that made you feel seen and safe? Oh?

00:19:23
Speaker 3: Okay, yes, the first I'm gonna say. People who made me feel seen and safe were the people who were around my parents. So there's their head of security, who is my son's godfather, Sean Smith. There was a gentleman who worked in our home. His name was Anthony Smith. He died suddenly and it felt like, you know, losing an adoptive father. But he was there throughout my pregnancy and said, baby girl, you're gonna be all right, like the you're gonna.

00:20:00
Speaker 2: Make it through this.

00:20:01
Speaker 3: And Cammy Garner, who was my mom's assistant, she's still a part of my mom's team and she's been there for like twenty years. Even though my parents were balancing all of these things, there were these people around them that took such good care of me that they made me feel seen in value just for who I was.

00:20:18
Speaker 2: That is beautiful.

00:20:19
Speaker 1: That is beautiful because I know oftentimes when I'm sure being Bischo Jake's daughter, you feel like it takes a team for sure. And I'm sure those people are helped fulfill all those spots where maybe Daddy wasn't.

00:20:30
Speaker 2: There was a busy because when he was all over the world.

00:20:33
Speaker 3: All over the world the world, especially at the age that I was growing up, things had really taken off. So he would like preach on there was like three services on Sunday, a Saturday service. He'd get on the plane and he'd like preacher all of these different churches come home on Saturday, and then like leaving in on Sunday, like twenty four Saturdays, and sometimes my mom would go with him. It would just like we didn't know like when this coming, when was going, but there were these people who would like take the time to be there for us and told us around the things and God's help.

00:21:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, for sure.

00:21:10
Speaker 1: It wasn't long ago that your father passed down the torch of women there are loose, And in that moment he didn't lose his power, but you gained a huge set of responsibility and power in that.

00:21:21
Speaker 2: What was that like?

00:21:24
Speaker 3: So everyone knew that women that are loose was coming to an end, and they were like, you know, you're next, your.

00:21:30
Speaker 2: Next, But woman evolved already existed.

00:21:33
Speaker 3: So I was a little confused with like, I don't know what people like, I don't know what y'all think is about to happen here, because done he dragged me so low.

00:21:47
Speaker 2: He dragged me.

00:21:47
Speaker 3: So first of all, I'm like, Okay, so he's going to honor what woman evolve is in the context of women that are loose.

00:21:53
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's the extent of it.

00:21:55
Speaker 3: Like maybe he's going to tell people, hey, woman evolved, But I did not think it was going to be this whole entire thing.

00:22:03
Speaker 2: Yes, and it was a thing. It was a whole.

00:22:07
Speaker 3: Thing, down to a video of like how we got here and yeah, so that was ugly crying for the world to see. Oh, you know, I have a limit limits. I can't fool with you today, So don't even I'm not really you know what I mean. I'm a little because I don't know what to me today. But I will say that above like what it meant for like women evolved and women that are lose like that was less important to me as much as and I didn't know this until afterwards, the fact that my father has poured so much of his life into women that aren't loose, and for him to say, I'm gonna lay this at your feet, like my influence, the knowledge that I have these people who I have walked through so many different stages of life. I trust you with them, and I trust that you can handle whatever comes with this platform. It restored a part of me that felt like I had lost his trust, you know, not just through my pregnancy, but after I got pregnant. I was just kind of like, I just prepare for disappointment out of me, like I'm not going to do any of the things you want me to do. I waitress at the strip club. I dropped out of college. They bought me a car when I was sixteen. I was like, you know what, I don't want the car because I don't want you thinking you will be able to tell me what to do, like I'm my own person. I gave the car back. I went to a car lot, got my own car. Like I was constantly like, I don't want the expectations.

00:23:34
Speaker 2: I'm going to make it on my own. And I did, Like.

00:23:37
Speaker 3: I mean, I got this incredible job and I was going for an Air Force contractor. Then I became a receptionist and office manager government clearance, Like I was.

00:23:45
Speaker 2: Making my own path.

00:23:47
Speaker 1: Wow.

00:23:47
Speaker 3: And I think I began to prove to him that I had the work ethic to take care of myself. And he was like, all right, you know, I didn't agree with the path you took, but I see that you're making head away. But I don't know that I ever felt like the trust was fully restored from those moments went until then.

00:24:06
Speaker 1: Wow. So how how old were you then? Like how the time had passed? So you feel like this has been restored in this.

00:24:12
Speaker 3: Moment, I think I will say that I feel like he respected me, I felt like he loved me. I felt like there had been forgiveness. But my dad's life, he has poured his life into his work and he's very protective about his work. So that level of trust, man, I mean twenty years.

00:24:34
Speaker 2: Woweh, twenty years.

00:24:36
Speaker 1: So now you are carrying this towards you're at You're an assistant pastor at Potter's House in Dallas.

00:24:42
Speaker 2: What what is? What does that weight feel like? And how you carry that every week? Because I'm sure like those are some big shoes and step in two.

00:24:50
Speaker 3: I do not see it that way. I don't see it that way. I think if I saw it that way, it would scare me.

00:24:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, because scar, Yeah.

00:24:57
Speaker 1: I.

00:24:59
Speaker 3: Don't that way, only because I never asked for this. So when we were in Brooklyn, We're standing in this beautiful theater and I'm like, there's sometimes I don't always feel I guess deserving of the influence and the impact, because there are some people who are like I always knew one day that I would be standing in a room like this. I always knew one day that I would inspire millions of people. I never felt that way. Wow, I never wanted this. I want to be a good steward over it. I love it, I respect it, I honor it, but I never wanted it. And I'm careful to try and manipulate something that God placed in my lap. I feel like my responsibility is to protect it, not manipulated. And so even with that's being positioned in Dallas as assistant pastors, I feel like my job is to stay pure, to stay authentic, to stay obedient, but not to then think that this is something that is mine when it's something that God's given me.

00:26:00
Speaker 2: So it's interesting.

00:26:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're saying that you didn't feel deserving, and in your book you dedicated it to anyone who wonders if.

00:26:07
Speaker 2: They are enough. So I hear.

00:26:09
Speaker 1: I understand that now because I know there's still today there's moments where I'm like, I don't know if I'm made for this or I don't know if I deserve that, you know, and even the life that I live because I've made mistakes. You know, we've all made them, and a lot of them we carry it harder than God does. A lots of you don't forgive us for it, and I'm still carrying this all my back, like, oh Lord, please give I'm saying like just praying that I've been forgiven for certain things, and then to look around like I am so undeserving, you know, and then trying to get out of that saying no, I'm a child of God.

00:26:39
Speaker 2: This is what he wants from me.

00:26:40
Speaker 1: You know, at what point did you or have you gotten to the point where you feel like I am enough, I do deserve this or do you still walk in that like I know you said, You're like, dang, I'm.

00:26:59
Speaker 2: I don't know that.

00:27:01
Speaker 3: I feel like influence is something.

00:27:10
Speaker 2: That I deserve.

00:27:12
Speaker 3: I want to say this right because I know what I feel in my heart. It's something that I honor. But I see God loving on me, not from the fact that I have influence or that my life means a lot to a lot of people. I see God loving on me and the way that love comes through the people who are closest to me, and that I have been able to accept. I will say that one of the things I'm like trying to work through. Sometimes when I'm on the road, people are like, oh my gosh, I love you so much, and.

00:27:47
Speaker 2: Your messages have helped me. They touched me.

00:27:50
Speaker 3: And one of the things I'm working through is like, that doesn't feel safe to me because I think that I think it's a lot of it's rooted in what I've gone through, But the idea that someone can love you but you could disappoint them and then you could be the girl that nobody wants to be around anymore makes me feel unsafe with that level of love.

00:28:10
Speaker 1: Wow.

00:28:10
Speaker 3: And so I think that I keep a healthy distance with the influence part of it. And you know, that could be healthier or not healthy.

00:28:18
Speaker 2: We'll see. I'll talk to my therapist about it.

00:28:20
Speaker 3: But it's hard to feel safe and influence. So the influence part I just try to honor and protect. But my family, that's where I feel God've loved them most absolutely.

00:28:31
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.

00:28:32
Speaker 1: It's so crazy to say because as my I don't like to call them fans, but my community grows so many people kind of stand over me like that. Oh my God, Crystal Chriss Bristol and that level of love. You're my best friend in my head, You're my sister in my head. I love you so much. I wake up and watch your videos every day.

00:28:50
Speaker 2: You kept me alive. I didn't kill myself because of you.

00:28:53
Speaker 3: That's a different It's scary, Yeah.

00:28:56
Speaker 2: It really is.

00:28:56
Speaker 1: And like you said, one day you can love me and if I do make one mistake, your cancel.

00:29:01
Speaker 2: Culture is real and we see it happen all the time. I want to believe.

00:29:05
Speaker 3: Like so I call the community that's connected with woman involved the delegation and part of why I've I'm really intentional about like being authentic and like here I am, I'm on a journey just like the rest of you, is that, like I know I may disappoint you at some point, I'm not intentionally going to disappoint you. Like I'm not out here living one thing and saying a different thing. Like I am a woman of integrity and I'm living the very thing that I say to you. Even then, I know that we may not agree about some things, and I want to believe that, like we can work through and grow through anything.

00:29:37
Speaker 2: But I don't know, like because people are like they're so quick to cut you off. Yeah for sure.

00:29:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I understand when you say, like your family, those are close to you is where you feel the safest and the most loved. It just the same way with me because I know these are people that's gonna ride with me. If I fall down, They're gonna help me get back up. She's gonna like walk over me and be like, all right, girl, we're done with you.

00:29:56
Speaker 4: I know.

00:29:56
Speaker 3: I want to believe though, And sometimes I remind myself this because even the people who have been canceled haven't been canceled, like, there are still some people who really rock with them or like, you know, I love them, And so I also don't want to make the people who would be willing to grow with me feel like I don't trust them either, because there are some people. I mean, you know, I've seen a lot of people who look like, oh my gosh, this is their Downfather're never going to recover from this. But there was a space creative for them. So I don't know, we'll see what happened.

00:30:28
Speaker 1: Oof. That's so true. You talked about you're going to talk to your therapist about it. A lot of people don't want to mix Jesus with therapy. When did you realize that God did create other tools of resources that you could talk to someone and still believe that.

00:30:41
Speaker 2: Your source is Jesus Christ.

00:30:43
Speaker 3: My relationship with God has become much more deeper as the result of me being in therapy, because there were moments where I felt something that I could not give language.

00:30:52
Speaker 2: So my prayer was not as effected. You know.

00:30:55
Speaker 3: It's just kind of like God helped me. God helped me, God help me. But to be able to say, like, God, I am feeling anxious about this transition that's taking place in my life, and I need your spirit to meet me in the place of my anxiety. Like my prayer, life became so much better. It was probably honestly, after I dropped my book Woman Evolve and hit the New York Times bestsellers list, and one of my friends came up and she's like, oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, And I was like, you know what I mean. It's as I feel like I should probably be happy about this, but I don't feel anything at all. And so I started reading some books and then once I went through a few books, I'm like, you probably should talk to someone. But what I learned is that like I have just been like emotionally frozen because I was overwhelmed by shame and regret and depression, that I can function and work and hit markers and hit goals, but I can't celebrate myself. I don't know joy, I don't even know anger. Like people can disappoint me. I don't let it get to me because I won't own or advocate for what I'm feeling in any given moment. And so I feel like I've become a much better partner, a much better leader, and a much better believer as a result of me going to therapy.

00:32:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, same, I did. My therapist definitely opened me up. My therapist and I just talked about what I just learned was the mother wound. And you did an episode with your mom entitled Trauma to Hope. You also read the book, which is a book that Denor Introd introduced me to adult children of emotionally immature parents. What was that like opening up to your mom, like in her actually apologizing for not being there the way that you needed her to be.

00:32:37
Speaker 3: It was interesting because we've never had the conversation before. I just came to a place where I was like, I'm going to do this work on my own. I'm not going to invite either of my parents to be a part of this journey because I don't know where they are and I don't I don't know that they're going to be receptive to this, so I'm going to just figure it out on my own. And I think I was actually doing I was at that stage when we had this conversation and out of.

00:33:00
Speaker 2: Nowhere she started it.

00:33:01
Speaker 3: Out of nowhere, she said something like I think I was talking about being nervous about moving back to Dallas because I didn't want to, you know, I wanted to keep my family clothes, and she was like, please do that.

00:33:11
Speaker 2: I didn't do that with you all.

00:33:12
Speaker 1: I was like, just oof the accountability and saying it.

00:33:16
Speaker 3: She just said it, like she just said it. I was like, I didn't I didn't know that you knew that. Like wow, I felt that I didn't know that you knew that. And that was I think I instantly turned into a seven eight year old girl.

00:33:33
Speaker 2: I was to say, what did that do?

00:33:35
Speaker 1: For?

00:33:35
Speaker 2: Seven eight year old?

00:33:36
Speaker 1: Said I was gonna ask you that In that moment, I know she spoke to that child.

00:33:39
Speaker 3: And Mommy sees me oo, like it was like being at the Potter's House Dallas with surrounded by thousands of people and my mom grabbing my hand and saying, I see you wow, and you're.

00:33:52
Speaker 2: Not by yourself.

00:33:54
Speaker 3: That's like, it doesn't matter how difficult your relationship ship with your child has been, even if they're an adult. Oftentimes we think it's too late, but that wound is still there, and as long as you're still here, you have an opportunity to speak into that wound, and it really does restore, it really does heal. I think sometimes it can be discouraging for a parent when it's like, Okay, I can see some areas where I messed up, but there's nothing I can do about it.

00:34:22
Speaker 2: Now, that's not true.

00:34:23
Speaker 3: By acknowledging it, you can do something with what's left. You can do something with where they're still growing and healing. And my mom did that for me in a way I didn't anticipate.

00:34:33
Speaker 2: That is beautiful. I was.

00:34:35
Speaker 3: I was the first of all, we were supposed to just be having like a little cute Christmas or cute Christmas chat, and all of a sudden, she was, I didn't do that with you, And because it was so raw for me, I just immediately broke down in tears.

00:34:47
Speaker 2: Wow.

00:34:47
Speaker 3: And then she said something. She was like, anything I can clear up talk about ask like you tell me now. She's like, because my mom's not here and I'll never get answers. And so now I have this woman who's in her sixties and I still have questions that I'll never get an answer to. So as long as I can be your answer, I'll share it.

00:35:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is beautiful, gesus.

00:35:09
Speaker 3: My mom is so I mean, everyone's like, you know your tj sdaughter and I am by my mother.

00:35:15
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, talk about it. She is the absolute best.

00:35:19
Speaker 3: She is so sensitive but also resilient and strong.

00:35:25
Speaker 2: And hilarious and loyal and.

00:35:29
Speaker 3: Like she's just the absolute best. I can remember I was going through it. I was in college and I was going to football games in college and they were having like family that at one of the football games.

00:35:39
Speaker 2: But there was this girl me and this.

00:35:40
Speaker 3: Girl had gotten into me, and I said, I was like sending my mom a screenshot of it.

00:35:47
Speaker 2: We were just talking about it offline.

00:35:48
Speaker 3: And then so my parents are at the football game and I saw the girl coming, but I was like, you know, I'm not gonna look at her.

00:35:53
Speaker 2: She's not gonna look at me. My mom stands up.

00:35:55
Speaker 3: I was like, girls, sit down, girls, sit down you how did you remember?

00:36:00
Speaker 2: That? Was her sit down? She was like, what are we doing? I was like, please sit down, she is doing she is I love.

00:36:13
Speaker 3: I was trying to calm her down. I'm like, you're sixty something. They think you're a queen. Put your crown on us. She set this aside right now, for sure, we take.

00:36:23
Speaker 2: That crown off in a minute.

00:36:25
Speaker 3: She has told some stories, even like on my podcast at event about like beings doing things. I'm just like, can you please stop telling people about you stealing?

00:36:34
Speaker 2: She's probably like, when you stop telling them you waitress at the strip club?

00:36:38
Speaker 3: Okay, I was like, she waitress at the strips?

00:36:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's crazy. I was out here, I was.

00:36:49
Speaker 1: I just told a strip club story the other day when we used to go out to the club with these guys and may give us all these ones? Yeah I had so I'd be throwing right.

00:37:01
Speaker 3: That's the cave of me, as long as they were prepared to spend it anyway, exactly.

00:37:09
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I'm here, so let me get a so I'm gonna take care of the girls too, but I need That is hilarious your mom that I love that. She's amazing and that's inspiring even for me. As I did an episode called get to Know Me and we're just put it all out there and just just with.

00:37:29
Speaker 2: Family and friends.

00:37:30
Speaker 1: It's what your story is inspired me is just open up and even maybe me be the person to bring up the conversation how your mom just said it, you know, So that's inspiring for me as well.

00:37:39
Speaker 2: It's good.

00:37:40
Speaker 3: It's good I have people are more willing to have like we talk about family sweeping stuff underneath the road, like this is the way that we do things. But I have found that the person who doesn't mind like going under the rug and be like, hey, can we talk about this?

00:37:53
Speaker 2: Like they don't mind talking about it.

00:37:55
Speaker 3: It's just we have been so conditioned to think that we don't talk about it that no one's courageous enough to say, I have some questions, like I want to know about this person. I want to know what is in them that could.

00:38:07
Speaker 2: Be in me too.

00:38:08
Speaker 3: Yes, And I found that, especially for people as they're aging and I think they're wanting to leave a legacy, they're wanting to leave an imprint, that they're more willing to have conversations than we may give them credit for.

00:38:19
Speaker 2: Oh, I love that you just bless me.

00:38:23
Speaker 1: You talked about how your mother said that I wish I could have been there more. With your busy schedule and how you're all over the place, how do you the God talks about the Sabbath, do you take time and do you take time to like, actually, this is my day?

00:38:41
Speaker 3: No, Because well, like technically sure, like there may be days where I'm not working, but because I have children, even the days when I'm not working, there is an element of working. So I have to be intentional about taking time off. So I think tour ends for me on a Tuesday, and I'm going home. But I was like, I'm gonna ask the older kids to take the younger kids to school, because if tour ends on Tuesday and I got to be up at six on Wednesday to take kids to school, it's like, yeah, tour is over, but like I just got re enlisted. It's a whole nother battlefield right here, really, And so I've had to ask for help to piece my sabbage together. I used to just wait for a day when I'd be able to take it off, but now I've had to be proactive and asking for help in advance. And let me tell you, doing that it changed my relationship. It changed the way that I show up in my world. Instead of being the person who allowed people to believe that I have limitless capacity, that I could get off on tour and jump into the mom thing and not skip a beat. I had to be willing to say I actually do need to skip a beat because I can't dance this fast. And I think, what part of the issue with being like the strong friend or the person who just has so much capacity is there is a little pride, a little ego stroking that come frohmen, somebody's like, I can never do that.

00:40:03
Speaker 2: Did you be like? But I did? You know what I mean?

00:40:08
Speaker 3: Now, I'm probably depressed and I'm crossing binge eating and I can't in my clothes. But and so I had to learn to not seek out the accolades that come with over exertion.

00:40:22
Speaker 1: Yes, oh, because we live in this society where it's like you sleep when you're dead.

00:40:27
Speaker 2: No, I'm asleep after this. I don't believe that. I don't believe he wants that from me. No, neither. I'm a napper. I have to have I gotta get.

00:40:35
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I'm learning to really ask for additional support and not allow my ego to be fed by this relentless you gotta keep going things so true, I have to do that.

00:40:45
Speaker 1: I'm not good at asking for help because I've always had to do everything on my own and then finding good help. You know, like I have like one or two people I can call on and depend on, and then everybody else I'll hire.

00:40:57
Speaker 3: It's like, well, you know they're okay, so all right, So this is I don't even know if it's gonna make the podcast at this point. This is so good one my message tonight, Like God changed my message, and I think it's going to help you because it's about asking.

00:41:11
Speaker 2: Already knew what I was struggling with. It's so ghetto.

00:41:14
Speaker 3: But uh, you know, part of the reason why I feel like it's like we can't find good help is because I when I say I want good help, I want someone who's going to like work through the flu, like literally, I want someone who's going to deplete themselves and overexert themselves just like me.

00:41:33
Speaker 2: I need you, Michael Jordan Game six all.

00:41:35
Speaker 3: The time because like we're in it and we don't have time for sickness, like and that's toxic. I say all of that to say, like I don't want you to be lazy, like I want you to push it a little bit, but like.

00:41:50
Speaker 2: Maybe I should stop. No, I'm the same way, Like, what do you mean you have a headache? What do you mean you're sick? Like you can't come to work because you have a headache? But did you die?

00:42:01
Speaker 1: Are you you breathing?

00:42:04
Speaker 2: Come on, I had a baby at fourteen. No headache, And that's that's weird.

00:42:12
Speaker 3: That's my trauma setting standards for people, and so you know, I need to get people a tailand all. But I will say that people I work the best with are people who are like, yeah, we are a team of ten people, but if all ten of them fall off, me and you could do all of it and it's not true.

00:42:31
Speaker 2: But they make me feel good.

00:42:32
Speaker 3: It's like I like you, right, I like I like you.

00:42:35
Speaker 2: You sick like me? We got the safe disease.

00:42:40
Speaker 1: Literally, you say that in One of your toxic traits.

00:42:43
Speaker 2: Is believe that you can do any anything.

00:42:46
Speaker 1: Literally, somebody asked me that I'm like I can do.

00:42:48
Speaker 3: Anything I could know, Like I'm not even joking and like this is not even a brad.

00:42:52
Speaker 2: I can do anything.

00:42:54
Speaker 3: Like if God, if God can, if someone else can do what I can do, it.

00:42:59
Speaker 1: I think the same way here. I'm serious like anything now.

00:43:04
Speaker 3: I did also say in that same paragraph that, like I could build.

00:43:10
Speaker 2: A house, it's gonna rain inside the house.

00:43:13
Speaker 3: Like I'm not saying I can do anything every that I can do everything well right exactly, but if you give me a few shots at it, I could get to well, yeah exactly.

00:43:21
Speaker 2: I'm the same way.

00:43:22
Speaker 1: I just had my live show and I taught myself how to play a piano period Like I was like, I'm just gonna go buy a piano on YouTube and learn this.

00:43:29
Speaker 2: I don't see anything wrong with it.

00:43:31
Speaker 3: Is like I don't know if it's my like I don't know if it's my husband's favorite thing about me.

00:43:39
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think about me because I'd.

00:43:42
Speaker 3: Be like, babe, like the handyman can't come, and the dresser just got delivered and he.

00:43:47
Speaker 2: Was like, okay, just schedule for next week. I was like, I just got the tool. Can he gets home.

00:43:51
Speaker 3: It's the dresser is going to be put to now. The drawer is going to need a little and is sick that cannot be helpy.

00:44:05
Speaker 2: I know it can't. He be like, why didn't you just love me?

00:44:07
Speaker 3: I have not learned my lesson, like if you put my back against the wall right now, if the plane is going down, I can fly it.

00:44:15
Speaker 2: We're gonna put But I don't believe God put me in this situation. Go out like this. I watched flight with Denzel Washington. He did it high. I can do it with the Holy go Amen. Come on now, period. You are my kind of girl. I'm telling you.

00:44:32
Speaker 1: I call myself a handywoman. My dad built every house we ever lived in. I grew up on construction sites. I have a toolbox. Most I have more than most men having their house at my age.

00:44:42
Speaker 2: For sure, Like you got I got that. I can do it. They're like you fixed it your.

00:44:45
Speaker 3: Something like yeah that was when. So when I got married, I was a single mother with two children. I have my own house. So there were just certain things that like I was not used to asking like a man in the house to do and my husband like, why didn't you ask me to do that? I was like, I will ask when I need, but I didn't think I needed. So now I'm trying to be more. I'm like I'm entering intowhere in my princess era, you know where I'm asking for help.

00:45:07
Speaker 2: We were traveling somewhere.

00:45:08
Speaker 3: We got home, there's this big box that got delivered on a crate. Staple shut, screwed shut, and I like got the hammer and he was like, what are you doing? What are you You just got off the plane. I was like, I want to see what's in the Yes.

00:45:21
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, we're the same person. That's me.

00:45:24
Speaker 1: I would like straight my back trying to get it's fine. I would go to craigon barrel outlet and get a whole chair.

00:45:30
Speaker 3: Like because the other thing. I will lift the whole chair by I want to. I want things to be the way that I want them to be. Yes, and I don't want to wait.

00:45:38
Speaker 2: It now, instant gratification. I need it now. I mean it, Sarah, I'm saying, I guess that is my trade.

00:45:44
Speaker 3: It's toxic, Oh my goodness, because when I say back sprung, when I say back out, and you would think that it would keep you from doing it. But as soon as that back act like she's gonna be all right back to it, we're back at it. It can't be healthy. I know it can't.

00:46:01
Speaker 2: It is not. I'm a work in progress me too, girl. We're gonna work on it.

00:46:05
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe because it's been for years doing that. So that's a hard habit to break.

00:46:11
Speaker 2: It is, and I don't know. It's something that just it feels good, which is done.

00:46:16
Speaker 3: Feeling filling is I do think that so much of my life is out of my control. That like to be able to do what's in my control. That feels good to me.

00:46:27
Speaker 2: I like that.

00:46:28
Speaker 3: Like there's so much that I'm not gonna get, Like so much of this is going faster than I can keep up with. I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm so vulnerable, I'm so exposed to The least I can do is pick.

00:46:38
Speaker 2: This chair up and put it in the corner. Yes, that's the least I can do. That's real. I love it. I love that for you and us, Oh my goodness.

00:46:50
Speaker 1: So I'll be remiss if I didn't talk about your husband the past the trade Roberts. You are a powerhouse and he is a powerhouse as well. So how do two powerhouses come together and also keep your individualism and support each other?

00:47:05
Speaker 2: How does that work? We have a lot of respect for one another. I'll see that.

00:47:09
Speaker 3: We have a lot of respect for one another. It's not a competition. I am fascinated by the gift of God in his life in a way that I can't even be jealous of. Like, he's so dope to me that I'm like, I can't even be jealous. I think he can be jealous of something that you think is within reach. It's so out of reach to me. I don't even know how you think like that. I don't know how you do what you do the way that you do. So all I can do is respect it and love it and be grateful that I'm on your squad because I would hate to be your opposition period.

00:47:40
Speaker 2: Do you understand?

00:47:43
Speaker 3: But it took, like I said, like that part about me. I was a single mother. I'd accomplished enough by myself to make me feel like I could live on my own, and so welcoming in his perspective and his covering and seeing the value in it without being in timidated by it.

00:48:01
Speaker 2: Yes, what's hard for.

00:48:02
Speaker 3: Me in the beginning stages of our life because I thought that his perspective made mine invalid, not broader.

00:48:11
Speaker 1: Oh that's good, Oh my goodness, I can imagine that. Yeah, yeah, I remember. It was twenty twenty when I first like really caught onto one church, La and I would watch you guys online, and then every time I would visit a lot of tengs, I would come to church and I remember you said, if you're facing the pool pit, you would sit on the.

00:48:28
Speaker 2: Left side in the front.

00:48:29
Speaker 1: I remember that, and I just remember just seeing like just kept growing and growing and growing. And then before I know, you guys are in Denver and then Dallas. I was like, oh my goodness, but just the way he delivers the message. And then you come up and I'm like, wait a minute, these two both are doing it. You know what I'm saying, and everybody gets it. You know, sometimes people preach over your head. You guys are reaching people at the level that they are in a way that we can understand it. We see ourselves, and it inspires us to just be better people.

00:48:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, that means a lot to me. I wasn't in ministry. I wasn't in ministry when I met him. I was blogging, I was telling my little story, but I wasn't preaching. I wasn't praying out loud. So I was like, invite me to be on a panel. I'll offer some insights as a collective. So you know that solodolo thing is not me and his church was the first church where he was like, listen, if there is any place where you could come and tell your story at a church, like it will be my church.

00:49:29
Speaker 2: Like You'll be fine. Wow.

00:49:30
Speaker 3: And so he asked me to come speak on a Sunday in twenty fourteen.

00:49:34
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I don't do Sundays. Come me on.

00:49:37
Speaker 3: Wednesday, baby, Friday night, Friday night, girls night. But Sundays that's like where the real people are. And so One was very much of the place where I feel like I found my unique voice in ministry. And I just felt like, Okay, well One will just be the place where I do ministry because they get me, they understand me. And so I attribute a lot of my spiritual development to his anointing and my voice being cultivated in the spaces that he created. And then as I became more confident, I think as the gift began to grow and attract other people and other spaces that He's been a covering for me.

00:50:15
Speaker 2: It's just like just do you everywhere you go?

00:50:18
Speaker 1: Oh, that's good, and that's what That's important to have that type of support as a woman, just in every woman needs that just type of support was like, baby, do you.

00:50:27
Speaker 2: Everywhere you go? Yeah? And it's funny.

00:50:29
Speaker 3: So like most of the time when we're in LA, people are like, oh, you're a PT's wife, And then if he goes somewhere, They're like, oh, you're s Jr's husband, just like depending on where we are, because like when I tell you, he is Hollywood, like on absolute lot, like New York, Atlanta, Like we do not go anywhere without people being like PTT.

00:50:55
Speaker 2: So like, for me, it's cool because.

00:50:57
Speaker 3: I get to see my husband in his lane, in his purpose with his unique identity. I'm in my lane and my purpose with my unique identity, and then when we get to come together, it's amazing. But what's better than all of that is like when we're doing none of those things and.

00:51:11
Speaker 2: We're at home.

00:51:12
Speaker 3: I took my wig off the other day. I was sorry I took my wig off.

00:51:16
Speaker 2: I was at home.

00:51:17
Speaker 3: I was scratching my hand and the bathroom it was plates coming out of my grab your dignity, And I was dying laughing because he was so right, because I had just basically turned into I went from this to like somebody else, and we were cracking up laughing, because as valuable as those other things are that change the world and touch people, what means the most to us are those moments where we're like clowning on each.

00:51:45
Speaker 1: Other and it can be Yeah, love, that's beautiful. The best part of the day of taking.

00:51:50
Speaker 2: The wig off, do you it is the best a little bit to it. It's time for me to take these breaks out. It's that is hilarious. I love that though. I love that for both of you. That is beautiful.

00:52:08
Speaker 3: Yes, it's funny. My fourteen year old daughter like she he's been in her life basically all of her life at this point, and so at night time she's like her favorite part of the day of seeing us Like he had I had usually have tea at night. He usually has like peanuts and raisins in his neck and we're like gossiping about the other kids, like well you know that one, and Kenzy's like, will truth be told?

00:52:33
Speaker 2: What you say? Please tell me people, and sit up in the room with us talking about her siblings. Ken you are really too much.

00:52:41
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I love I just love your whole family dynamic.

00:52:44
Speaker 2: It's just beautiful.

00:52:45
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm really grateful for it feels very restorative. To create an environment for my family that I think would have been really great for me. But to experience, say through them and to be a part of it, it's the only thing that matters to you. So even when you're like you're always on the go, how do you balance it? I'm really not always on the go. I say no to a lot of stuff, so that when I say yes to stuff like this where I'm gone for seven days, back for two days, then gone again, that I haven't been gone so much that I feel a whole lot of guilt about being gone on these trips. I say no to wait a lot of stuff.

00:53:25
Speaker 2: Wow, that's good for you. Yeah, that's my favorite word. No, it's a good word. I love it.

00:53:30
Speaker 1: I love it. So by the time this episode airs, you have been finished with your Seven City book tour. What are some things that Sarah is gonna nurture when she is done and gets.

00:53:41
Speaker 2: Off the road. My age, I'm gonna get she said, my edge.

00:53:50
Speaker 3: I'm gonna let these edges breathe. I'm gonna nurture my joy. Yeah, I am going to nurture I think my reflection because this season hasn't allowed for a lot of reflection because I'm into one thing and into the next. But I want to sit back and think about all of the ways God showed up for me throughout this tour, throughout this book, writing process, throughout the whole because God gave me this concept with this book that it made sense to me. But I'm like, I don't know if I can put it into language, you know, because i think when people hear they're title, they're like, power moves, you gonna show me how to do something.

00:54:32
Speaker 2: And it's really about the fluidity of.

00:54:34
Speaker 3: Power and how I can be powerful as a speaker and powerful as a mother if I'm in the flow of God's power that everything I do is powerful. But I didn't. I kept second guessing whether or not I made it make sense and to be able to hear I was I was actually getting had a health scare in December, and I'm like in the hospital, it's fresh out of anesthesia with my main script reading through this book because I'm just like, it has to make sense, it has to make sense, and for people to say that it makes.

00:55:05
Speaker 2: Sense, it does no.

00:55:07
Speaker 1: You should see my iPad because like I literally was like it's purple, like it's so many highlights.

00:55:12
Speaker 2: It's crazy that means so much to me.

00:55:14
Speaker 3: And then like you know, I've done these interviews and I don't like thinking on my speed, and I've had to speak to people and like God has given me language and words. When I did the Records Club, Jason put me in a white button down, and I was like, I can't wear a white button down because I sweat like a man, like a full I build things like a man. I swet like and I was like, no, because I'm gonna be porn. So I had so much peace. I was so grounded, like I didn't sweat through my clothes like little things that are.

00:55:43
Speaker 2: Dumb to most people. Yeah, I am.

00:55:46
Speaker 3: So I just want to sit back and think I've received so much love in these cities. Somebody in Houston told me I had made the decision to commit suicide, and I came with my eleven year old daughter because I wanted that to be one of our last experiences.

00:56:00
Speaker 2: She was like, I decided to live.

00:56:01
Speaker 3: Something happened in that room where I know I God's got something for me, that there's power in me, more power than this depression. And so just like to not just let that be something that goes by and Houston was after the Houston date, I wanted to cancel the whole tour.

00:56:16
Speaker 2: Really, Oh yeah, you want to go to Atlanta.

00:56:18
Speaker 3: I was like, Atlanta, don't want me to come. I was so was it just like, well, I've toured before. I usually have a worship team. Doctor Nita Phillips comes on the road with me sometimes, and so there's all of these different elements. Well, I'm like, this is a book tour. Most of the time I'm on a book tour, someone's being interviewed about their book. But I was like, but no one knows this book better than me, and I didn't know if the book let.

00:56:41
Speaker 1: Me do.

00:56:44
Speaker 2: Her exactly weird. It's weird, it's weird.

00:56:49
Speaker 3: So I was like, I'm going to create this evening that is going to allow me to set a foundation for people to read the book. There is no worship. I'm gonna like, I'm going to engage with them. I'm going to interview people who I feel like embody the message of the book, and then I'm going to speak. But it's so different than anything that's been done to After Houston, I was like, it's too new, it's too different.

00:57:07
Speaker 2: It doesn't make sense. I'm finished.

00:57:09
Speaker 3: Wow, but power was moving even in my insecurity and uncertainty. So I just I want to find all of the ways that power moved in this season and collect them for whatever's next.

00:57:22
Speaker 2: Yes, I love that, Sarah. Hey, thank you.

00:57:27
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, ladies and gentlemen, Sarah Jakes Roberts, this has been amazing. Thank you, no, thank you. We are going to do my favorite part of the show.

00:57:40
Speaker 2: This is the end.

00:57:40
Speaker 1: It's called Positive Outcomes, and this is where our listeners write into.

00:57:45
Speaker 2: Us and we give them advice. Okay, so this one says, Hey, Crystal.

00:57:48
Speaker 1: First, I want to say thank you so much for being obedient to the voice of God. Your podcast has made me feel so many emotions in every season. Thank you for letting me laugh, cry, sing, shout, dance, evaluate life, get to the root, get closer with God, and just overall, learn to be and embrace everything about me. I am a thirty three year old, single, single mother of three, and I feel like I'm stuck where I currently am. I know God has given me dreams and visions, but I'm stuck on how to activate them. There have been times where I was very adamant on my path what I wanted to do and win. But when the time came forward to come forth, I became afraid. How do you listen to the voice of God when it seems as if everyone's voice is louder? How do you get over your feelings of fear? What are some steps that you recommend to someone who feels like it's too late to get started? Ooh wow, okay for her, Thank you so much for writing in. I definitely can say that I have felt like I got a late start in my career. You know, I moved here and I want to say two thousand and nine, and it was a ten year process before I got my first show. Be like, oh my gosh, you just get out of nowhere. No, it was ten years that I was over here grinding and struggling.

00:59:04
Speaker 2: Until that hit. So it's never too late, you know, when God.

00:59:08
Speaker 1: Says, yes, that's your time to go, baby, and nobody can stop you when he says yes. As far as other people's voices being louder than you can make out the voice of God, for me, it's meditation and sitting in the stillness in the morning when like nobody's up, when I can just hear the birds waking up. That is the best time for me to hear God's voice because it's nothing going on. A lot of times, once a day get started, it's like calls start coming in.

00:59:32
Speaker 2: They ready giving you a pin. Oh, you shouldn't do that, you shouldn't do.

00:59:34
Speaker 1: That's when I feel like it's hard to like really discern where, like, God, where are you really leading me? So I would say, for sure, just find time that you can really until you get to a point in your walk with guy where you really just hear him. And sometimes you can be in New York City Times Square and you can.

00:59:48
Speaker 2: Hear him clearly like oh gotcha, you know.

00:59:50
Speaker 1: But sometimes you need to find that still quiet space that you can really just be a one with him where you can see what direction he wants to just take you to.

00:59:57
Speaker 2: But and Sarah Jakes roberts, but Karen moves.

01:00:02
Speaker 1: She talks about marinating before you activate, because honey, I didn't activated some things I should have loved marinate for at.

01:00:12
Speaker 2: Okay, So definitely I.

01:00:14
Speaker 1: Would just marinate on what you're trying to do before you activate anything.

01:00:18
Speaker 2: Sarah, what do you got to say to her? Everything that you said?

01:00:21
Speaker 3: I would say as a part of marinating that I would consider why do you feel stuck? I'm one of those people who like to face off with the fear, face off with the pain, the shame to understand the messages that I am receiving. And so I am stuck because I am afraid that blank is going to happen. I am stuck because I believe that I do not have blank? Like what is it if that is making me feel stuck? And is there anything that you can do to get unstuck?

01:00:52
Speaker 1: Like?

01:00:52
Speaker 3: Do I need to believe differently? Are there courses I can take that? Are there conversations that I need to have? Are these friendships the right friend and chips for me? If I'm stuck because I'm afraid people are going to make fun of me if I don't do this well? Like are these the types of friends that I want to have in the first place?

01:01:08
Speaker 2: Am I wrong? Or what I make fun?

01:01:09
Speaker 1: Like?

01:01:09
Speaker 3: I think there's so many things that when we're marinating that allows us to see Sometimes what I'm marinating on isn't even something that's possible, Like these friends would never make fun of me, They're so compassionate, you know what I mean? And we get stuck believing something that's not even true. So I would definitely say take some time to marinate to decide, like what exactly makes me feel stuck and is it really true? Because a lot of times it's not true.

01:01:33
Speaker 2: So that's good. Yeah that's real.

01:01:35
Speaker 1: A lot of times I'm an overthinker, so I always overthink the worst sometimes, like or I can overthink the best and be like girl, Okay, calm down.

01:01:44
Speaker 2: I overthink too.

01:01:45
Speaker 3: I think that's part of what makes so much of what we do successful is that it is well thought out. Yes, but there are other moments where it is enough thinking yeah, that is so true.

01:02:02
Speaker 1: Then we do something that's called what I'm growing through and what I'm going through? And right now I am. I talked about the asking God's enlarge my territory, but with that comes finding my voice in this space of my life, and right now I'm just really trying to figure out exactly where I want to really go at this as this next level expands.

01:02:24
Speaker 2: Because we were I was in church.

01:02:26
Speaker 1: We were just talking about how as you continue to get bigger, your option there becomes more options, and trying to decide, Okay, am I gonna go this way, this way, this way, really figuring out those those places and the avenues that I want to go down. So right now praying for the discernment to know, Okay, this is the way God wants me to go. Maybe I should wait on this because I'm like, I like to have a lot of what's in the fire fire and a lot of different things going on, but making sure that their God things and their God moves because everything he said, every good door is not a God and I'm trying to make sure the doors I go through now are the right ones because that can determine the future. It could be a good journey or it can be a bad one. So right now it's just a lot on my plate with trying to figure out where to go next. So that's what I'm going through and growing through.

01:03:14
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, I am growing through and going through embracing the I won't even call it a possibility, the reality that I am lovable, Okay, but hear me out. So I think so much of my reconciliation with God came down to me feeling like God loves me in spite of all of these things I've done.

01:03:44
Speaker 2: God loves me.

01:03:45
Speaker 3: He sees all of my flaws and he loves me and it almost feels and the grace of that is amazing and the charity.

01:03:54
Speaker 2: Of it, I think is amazing.

01:03:57
Speaker 3: But I also feel like there's another level that I am growing and going through that is like, yes, I love you in spite of all those things.

01:04:06
Speaker 2: But also you're just lovable. Yeah you are, And I just meant you today, thank you. Yeah you got your energy is good. Thank you.

01:04:14
Speaker 3: Like just embracing the idea that like maybe you're just a lovable person, like you're not loved out of this like charity, this pad.

01:04:22
Speaker 2: On the head, like oh my gosh, you know I.

01:04:25
Speaker 3: Love you, raggedy self, I love you, and you know I was glad to be loved like that, you know what I mean. I think that has been my postures like oh my gosh. But like this idea that like, no, like it wasn't a stretch. Yes, like we talk about God leaving or Jesus leaving the ninety nine to go get the one, and if you're that one, you can feel like, oh my gosh.

01:04:46
Speaker 2: He had to stretch, but you know he found you.

01:04:49
Speaker 3: But like what if it wasn't a stretch, Like what if it was his privilege, and it's honor to go out of his way because he knew that you're so lovable that like, I don't ever want you to feel lass, so I don't know to rewiring that I'm rolling and going.

01:05:04
Speaker 2: I love that. That is so good.

01:05:09
Speaker 1: The last thing we do is fill in the blank. Keep it blank, sweetie, Okay, and I'm going to say, keep marinating until it's time to activate, Sweetie.

01:05:21
Speaker 3: I am going to say, keep it authentic, Sweetie.

01:05:26
Speaker 2: I love that. I love that, Sarah, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

01:05:31
Speaker 1: Guys, thank you so much for tuning into this episode to keep it positive, sweetie. If you want to write into our open listener letter, you can write into keep it Positive Sweetie at gmail dot com and that's sweetye with an Ie. You can follow me on all platforms that love Crystalinee and that's LUV Sarah. Tell the people that can find you.

01:05:47
Speaker 3: You can find me at Sarah Jakes Roberts, on Instagram, Facebook, and on TikTok the real Sarah Jax Robert.

01:05:55
Speaker 1: There we go, all right, guys, and make sure you go right now to get her new book, Power Moves.

01:06:00
Speaker 2: It's everywhere. There's no excuse for me not to have it. Go get this. It definitely make a difference in your walk. Thank you so much, Sarah, I appreciate.

01:06:16
Speaker 4: Thank you Lord so much, Father God for this moment. Thank you for bringing everyone here safely.

01:06:20
Speaker 1: Lord.

01:06:21
Speaker 2: We thank you so much for the opportunity to.

01:06:22
Speaker 4: Converse vulnerably, openly, transparently. Father God, we just asked that you bless this moment and for everyone that will watch this later on, Father God, that they will receive what you want them to receive.

01:06:33
Speaker 2: We think you will. We honor you and your name. We pray Amen. Amen,