216 | Session Savvy: Eliminating "Fluff" Words in Child-Centered Play Therapy
Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy
In this Session Savvy episode of the Play Therapy Podcast, I discuss a common deviation in child-centered play therapy (CCPT)—using phrases like "you feel," "you must be," or "you seem" when reflecting a child's feelings. These phrases, often used as buffers, can unintentionally shift the focus from the child's actual feeling to the qualifier, disrupting the reflective process. I explain why it's more effective to use direct reflections like "You are mad" or "You are sad," which support the development of emotional vocabulary and keep the child grounded in their emotional experience.
I also share reasons why therapists might hesitate to make direct reflections, such as fear of being wrong or discomfort with bold statements. I reassure therapists that it's okay if a child disagrees with the reflection; it actually offers an opportunity for the child to clarify their feelings. The key is to be confident, eliminate the "fluff words," and ensure the focus remains on helping children connect their feelings with their experiences.
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Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Twitter: @thekidcounselor https://twitter.com/thekidcounselor Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast
Common References: Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley. VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press. Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group. Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.
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0 00:00:00,409 --> 00:00:03,079 You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr 1 00:00:03,190 --> 00:00:08,119 Brenna Hicks. Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching. 2 00:00:08,449 --> 00:00:10,590 Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor. 3 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,630 This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,960 a master class in child-centered play therapy 5 00:00:15,130 --> 00:00:17,459 and practical support and application for your 6 00:00:17,469 --> 00:00:19,069 work with children and their families. 7 00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:24,850 In today's episode. I am going through another Session Savvy series 8 00:00:25,090 --> 00:00:28,860 topic and today we're going to be talking about 9 00:00:29,350 --> 00:00:31,909 when we start a sentence with you 10 00:00:32,209 --> 00:00:34,930 when we're trying to give a reflective response. 11 00:00:35,529 --> 00:00:36,959 But before we get into that 12 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:38,919 couple of housekeeping items, 13 00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:40,740 first and foremost, 14 00:00:40,919 --> 00:00:42,509 my Australians 15 00:00:42,650 --> 00:00:45,729 and Asians and anyone close to Australia 16 00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:51,509 in exactly one month, I am going to be with you all in Brisbane. 17 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,919 So if you have not yet registered for the conference, please do so. 18 00:00:55,930 --> 00:01:00,419 It has not reached capacity yet, although they do anticipate it will sell out. 19 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:04,809 So if you are thinking about going, please make plans to do that, it 20 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:09,819 is going to be in Brisbane on the 21st, 22nd and 23rd. And 21 00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:15,150 I was gonna say more importantly, but probably not, maybe more excitingly, 22 00:01:15,580 --> 00:01:19,650 we are now doing a podcast meet up. So all of my 23 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,610 Aussies, New Zealanders Asians, 24 00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:24,419 those of you that are planning to be at the conference, 25 00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:28,059 please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com/meetup. 26 00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:32,980 And we will have a meet up specifically for podcast listeners 27 00:01:33,419 --> 00:01:36,800 at the conference. And I'm so looking forward to that because 28 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,919 the Atlanta meet up was absolutely amazing 29 00:01:40,029 --> 00:01:43,959 to those of you that came. Thank you so much. Here's another hug. 30 00:01:44,269 --> 00:01:50,569 It was absolutely an incredible night. I am so, so glad that we were able to do that 31 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:56,459 we met in the lobby and it was just so interesting to, 32 00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:57,580 well, 33 00:01:57,589 --> 00:01:59,110 let me give you my perspective on things 34 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,069 because I think mine's a little bit different. 35 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:07,529 So what's really fascinating is my face. My picture is on the podcast. So 36 00:02:07,860 --> 00:02:10,199 people almost always have a sense of what I look 37 00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,229 like and then you're used to hearing my voice. 38 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:16,410 So you all feel like, you know, me, you would recognize me, et cetera 39 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,449 unless you're in the Collective or the coaching programs with me. 40 00:02:20,869 --> 00:02:20,880 A 41 00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:24,179 lot of you email me or a lot of you call and leave voicemails. 42 00:02:24,190 --> 00:02:27,259 And so I have interacted with you, 43 00:02:27,630 --> 00:02:32,699 but I've never been able to put a face with a name. And so we had 25 people 44 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:33,740 and 45 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,419 only seven of them I knew their name and their face. 46 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,550 So I'm standing in the hotel lobby and I'm just thinking, 47 00:02:41,029 --> 00:02:44,110 hopefully they know what I look like and hopefully they recognize me 48 00:02:44,119 --> 00:02:46,949 because there's no way I can tell who's supposed to be here. 49 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,919 So we're planning to move to the restaurant as 50 00:02:49,929 --> 00:02:51,869 soon as everyone gets to the hotel lobby. 51 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,350 And thankfully, one of my 52 00:02:54,869 --> 00:02:57,350 coaching participants made a little sign for me. 53 00:02:57,619 --> 00:03:01,110 But it was just really interesting because I'm waiting on 54 00:03:01,119 --> 00:03:03,830 strangers to walk up that I won't even recognize. 55 00:03:04,070 --> 00:03:08,899 And as soon as they walked up, it just felt like a family and it felt like a community 56 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:09,649 and 57 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:10,550 it, 58 00:03:10,789 --> 00:03:12,710 there was just an immediate connection 59 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,770 that was so rich and the night was so fun. 60 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:19,110 We played games and there was a podcast quiz and 61 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:23,710 we just hung out and ate and, oh my gosh, it was, it was incredible. 62 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,410 So, thank you again to all of you that came and 63 00:03:26,669 --> 00:03:27,210 just 64 00:03:27,419 --> 00:03:31,339 for the rest of you all, I want you to be made aware 65 00:03:31,889 --> 00:03:33,669 that moving forward. 66 00:03:33,679 --> 00:03:39,250 Anytime I travel, we will be scheduling meetups wherever I happen to be. So 67 00:03:39,509 --> 00:03:42,429 in Australia we're having one and then in the spring, 68 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,309 I'll be speaking in Mississippi and Virginia for sure. 69 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,660 There are some other states that we're trying to sort out details. 70 00:03:48,830 --> 00:03:53,830 So as soon as I find out details, we will create a podcast, meet up, sign up 71 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,110 and we'll be able to have meetups all over the country. So 72 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,820 if Atlanta was too far, if you weren't able to make it, I promise 73 00:04:01,070 --> 00:04:04,389 I'll be closer at some point. So I'm really looking forward to that. 74 00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:07,009 Oh and really quickly for my 75 00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:09,809 Aussies and for the conference in Australia, if you are not 76 00:04:10,679 --> 00:04:13,729 a member of the association, that does not matter, 77 00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:15,119 you can still attend the conference. 78 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:16,720 That has been a point of confusion. 79 00:04:16,928 --> 00:04:17,920 So I just wanna let you know, 80 00:04:17,928 --> 00:04:21,660 you do not have to be a member to sign up for the conference. 81 00:04:21,670 --> 00:04:23,660 So don't let that be a hindrance if you wanna go. 82 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:24,859 OK. 83 00:04:25,059 --> 00:04:29,700 So let's dive into this Session Savvy series today. 84 00:04:30,630 --> 00:04:33,649 And this is one of the things that I see all the time. 85 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:36,779 And even I just did a Reflecting Feelings workshop for Virginia, 86 00:04:36,790 --> 00:04:38,760 APT virtually a couple of weeks back. 87 00:04:39,089 --> 00:04:40,739 And when we were practicing 88 00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:42,929 the reflection of feelings, 89 00:04:43,579 --> 00:04:47,859 so many of the people in the workshop were doing this as well and I 90 00:04:47,869 --> 00:04:51,679 see this in my play session videos that I review for the coaching participants. 91 00:04:51,929 --> 00:04:55,049 This is something that we, I think have been conditioned to do 92 00:04:55,690 --> 00:04:58,709 and I wanna share two reasons why I think we do this 93 00:04:58,850 --> 00:05:01,390 before I get into what we should be doing. 94 00:05:01,399 --> 00:05:04,429 Because this, I think provides insight into the why. 95 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,690 And you know how important that is to me, 96 00:05:07,609 --> 00:05:09,670 we will often say you feel 97 00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:12,029 something, you feel excited 98 00:05:12,489 --> 00:05:14,029 or you must be 99 00:05:14,649 --> 00:05:17,200 so something or you seem 100 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,309 or you look, you look frustrated, 101 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:20,869 right? 102 00:05:21,049 --> 00:05:24,829 So we have all of these little words that we put in between 103 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,329 for you something 104 00:05:27,470 --> 00:05:30,549 and then what we're about to say, here's why I think we do this 105 00:05:31,579 --> 00:05:33,040 first and foremost, 106 00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:36,399 the way that we've been trained in grad school 107 00:05:36,519 --> 00:05:38,920 to interact in a counseling 108 00:05:39,029 --> 00:05:40,019 fashion 109 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:41,920 in a therapeutic manner. 110 00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:45,420 That would be something that we would do with adults. 111 00:05:46,290 --> 00:05:47,730 Hmm You look 112 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:48,690 whatever 113 00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:52,089 so that the adult with rational thinking 114 00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:54,309 and with cognitive capacity 115 00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:58,519 then processes why they look something and then they'll talk to you about it 116 00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:03,829 or you must be so whatever and they go Yeah, because 117 00:06:04,170 --> 00:06:04,500 OK, 118 00:06:04,510 --> 00:06:07,190 so when we go back to grad school and most of 119 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,500 us did not have child specific training in grad school, 120 00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:12,149 we were learning how to be counselors and 121 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,679 therapists and social workers to interact with adults. 122 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:20,640 So these are actually helpful tools if we were working with adults 123 00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:22,570 because that 124 00:06:22,769 --> 00:06:26,329 makes it very clear that the adult then has the 125 00:06:26,339 --> 00:06:29,630 opportunity to share and reflect and think and process. 126 00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:32,320 So I think that's one reason that we do it. 127 00:06:32,579 --> 00:06:35,529 I think the second reason that we do it is we hesitate 128 00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:36,630 to 129 00:06:36,989 --> 00:06:38,049 claim 130 00:06:38,220 --> 00:06:40,489 what the child is experiencing 131 00:06:40,950 --> 00:06:45,559 and by saying feel or must be or seem or look, it's a, it's a buffer. 132 00:06:46,510 --> 00:06:47,720 So instead of just saying, 133 00:06:48,429 --> 00:06:49,410 you're excited, 134 00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:54,769 we hesitate to do that because well, what if the child's not excited? 135 00:06:54,859 --> 00:06:58,940 And what if they say no, I'm not. And what if I got that wrong? And what? 136 00:06:58,950 --> 00:07:02,440 Oh and speaking of got that wrong, that's another Session Savvy series coming up. 137 00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:04,929 So that's another thing we're gonna talk about, 138 00:07:05,239 --> 00:07:05,850 but 139 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:11,839 we have these things in our head that prevent us from just saying you are 140 00:07:12,059 --> 00:07:12,920 and the emotion. 141 00:07:13,049 --> 00:07:15,459 And see again, back to grad school training, 142 00:07:15,579 --> 00:07:16,880 we were taught 143 00:07:17,119 --> 00:07:19,149 that a person is not their feelings. 144 00:07:19,799 --> 00:07:24,660 So we wouldn't say you're proud because they are feeling proud. 145 00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:28,950 They are not their feelings and their feelings don't make them what they are 146 00:07:29,790 --> 00:07:33,970 in a rational cognitive intellectual world. That makes sense, 147 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,149 but it doesn't for children. 148 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,299 So whether it's because of the grad school training 149 00:07:39,309 --> 00:07:42,380 or whether it's because we hesitate to reflect feelings 150 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:46,579 because of our concern that we may be off target or we may 151 00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:51,309 have missed something or it's just too bold for us to say you are this 152 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:53,690 in that kind of scenario. 153 00:07:53,859 --> 00:07:56,459 Here's why we don't want to do those things. 154 00:07:57,519 --> 00:08:00,869 When we say you feel you must be, you seem, you look, 155 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:02,769 it 156 00:08:03,059 --> 00:08:06,140 puts the focus on whatever the word is in the middle. 157 00:08:06,609 --> 00:08:09,220 So let's go back to reflecting feelings. First pillar. 158 00:08:09,679 --> 00:08:12,000 This is the only one that does double duty, right? 159 00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:14,779 So we have a reflective response and we have a pillar. 160 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,559 This is the only crossover skill 161 00:08:18,380 --> 00:08:21,670 when we reflect feelings. It's your your. 162 00:08:21,679 --> 00:08:25,279 So a conjunction, let's go back to elementary school English, right? 163 00:08:25,559 --> 00:08:27,540 So a conjunction, your 164 00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:29,089 irritated 165 00:08:29,850 --> 00:08:30,480 or 166 00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:32,289 you are 167 00:08:32,510 --> 00:08:33,099 angry. 168 00:08:35,229 --> 00:08:37,008 Now see how 169 00:08:37,268 --> 00:08:39,888 it's very clear to an emotionally 170 00:08:40,039 --> 00:08:41,289 charged child. 171 00:08:41,539 --> 00:08:45,129 It's very clear to an experiencing the moment child 172 00:08:46,030 --> 00:08:48,059 exactly what we're trying to communicate. 173 00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:50,630 You're angry 174 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:53,469 versus 175 00:08:54,099 --> 00:08:55,520 you feel angry 176 00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:58,489 all of a sudden it's about the word. Feel 177 00:08:58,590 --> 00:08:59,750 you must be, 178 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,760 it's about must be 179 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,070 you seem, 180 00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:04,570 you look, 181 00:09:04,849 --> 00:09:06,849 do you see how all of a sudden the focus is 182 00:09:06,859 --> 00:09:09,919 on that word instead of just you and the feeling? 183 00:09:10,979 --> 00:09:14,080 And here's what that does, it forces the child to consider. 184 00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:18,429 Do I really look? Whatever do I seem whatever 185 00:09:19,719 --> 00:09:21,400 do I feel? Whatever 186 00:09:22,309 --> 00:09:24,200 do I must be this? 187 00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:28,989 It changes the whole dynamic of reflecting feelings 188 00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:35,369 and when we do that, it's a little bit of a barrier and a hindrance to the child really 189 00:09:35,890 --> 00:09:38,830 feeling understood and validated and heard. 190 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:43,280 Number one, number two, it's a hindrance to the diffusion of the intensity 191 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,210 if they're escalated. 192 00:09:46,010 --> 00:09:47,229 And number three, 193 00:09:47,409 --> 00:09:50,070 it confuses the whole process 194 00:09:50,530 --> 00:09:54,929 because it forces them to think about it rather than to just live in their emotions, 195 00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:56,369 which is where they want to stay. 196 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,609 How many times have we talked about? 197 00:09:58,619 --> 00:10:02,260 We don't want a child to have to be warring between their head and their heart, 198 00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:05,169 we don't want to say or do anything that's going to force 199 00:10:05,179 --> 00:10:07,799 a child up into their head to think about it when, 200 00:10:07,809 --> 00:10:10,359 where they want to stay is in their hearts where they feel it. 201 00:10:11,489 --> 00:10:12,789 So if we say 202 00:10:13,219 --> 00:10:14,460 you're proud, 203 00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:18,440 the only thing that the child hears is proud, 204 00:10:19,940 --> 00:10:20,409 but 205 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,349 you must be proud. 206 00:10:23,669 --> 00:10:26,789 That's a very different landing of that statement. 207 00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:31,289 So anytime we fill in something with fluff as I call it, 208 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,640 I call all those words, fluff. 209 00:10:33,650 --> 00:10:37,080 So you feel you must be, you seem, you look, those are all fluff words. 210 00:10:37,090 --> 00:10:38,580 When we throw those in, 211 00:10:38,969 --> 00:10:42,719 it distracts from the goal, which is 212 00:10:42,890 --> 00:10:46,119 reflection of feeling for all the reasons we've already talked 213 00:10:46,130 --> 00:10:49,359 about and for the development of an emotional vocabulary, 214 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,809 the child is feeling somatic experiences 215 00:10:56,010 --> 00:10:57,849 exactly the same things that we do. 216 00:10:59,299 --> 00:11:00,619 So in that moment, 217 00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:02,659 I feel a certain way 218 00:11:03,309 --> 00:11:06,469 my body is experiencing certain things. 219 00:11:07,489 --> 00:11:10,809 And if the only thing that I hear is the emotion, 220 00:11:12,369 --> 00:11:16,349 if the focus of the reflection of feeling is annoyed 221 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,630 because they, someone just says, oh, you're annoyed. 222 00:11:21,359 --> 00:11:24,500 Now all of a sudden that all connects together 223 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:31,090 my feeling, my somatic symptoms and the word, it all just succinctly links up. 224 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,570 But anything else we would do in addition to your annoyed, 225 00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,479 just convolute the whole process. 226 00:11:39,609 --> 00:11:43,390 And one of our four universal outcomes is an increased emotional vocabulary. 227 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,400 The reason why that's a universal outcome is 228 00:11:46,409 --> 00:11:48,809 because it's predicated on the notion that we're 229 00:11:48,820 --> 00:11:52,739 going to be reflecting the child's feelings in the playroom and they're going to be, 230 00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:55,739 be able to build an emotional vocabulary as a result. 231 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:59,950 So if we are doing anything that's going to kind of 232 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:03,239 get in the way of the building of that vocabulary, 233 00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:05,549 that's something we need to be very mindful of 234 00:12:06,630 --> 00:12:08,260 pay a lot of attention to 235 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:12,940 because it's simple to just train ourselves to say you're 236 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:14,299 emotion. 237 00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:19,049 And I think this is also a confidence thing 238 00:12:19,159 --> 00:12:21,190 because the more you reflect feelings, 239 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,989 the more you learn that you don't really have 240 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,039 to be worried about being spot on every time 241 00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:31,210 the world does not end. I promise you trust me. 19, almost 20 years in 242 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:34,450 the world does not end if you are 243 00:12:34,609 --> 00:12:38,710 argued with by a child about what you reflected as far as their feeling goes. 244 00:12:39,809 --> 00:12:40,320 I, 245 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:44,150 the, the whole world would have ended so many times if that were the case. 246 00:12:44,419 --> 00:12:46,630 I, in my experience. So 247 00:12:47,390 --> 00:12:50,340 you really don't have to be so concerned about. 248 00:12:50,349 --> 00:12:52,979 Oh, I don't wanna say you're annoyed because what if they're not annoyed? 249 00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:54,880 What if they're actually frustrated or what if they're 250 00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:57,109 irritated or what if they're just acting annoyed? 251 00:12:57,119 --> 00:12:59,150 But they're actually really sad 252 00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:02,429 and I totally miss it and then it screws the kid up forever. 253 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,409 This is how we think, but we don't need to. 254 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,099 So we say, 255 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,590 oh, you're annoyed 256 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,210 and they go, no, I'm not. 257 00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:13,140 So sometimes it's just that 258 00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:14,380 and you say, 259 00:13:14,729 --> 00:13:15,320 oh, 260 00:13:16,469 --> 00:13:17,919 you don't think that you're annoyed? 261 00:13:20,919 --> 00:13:22,619 That's, that's as simple as it is 262 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,380 or sometimes they go, no, I'm not, I'm mad. 263 00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:28,940 Well, guess what? You've just been given 264 00:13:29,130 --> 00:13:32,030 the, on a platter feeling that you're gonna reflect. 265 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:35,219 Oh, you're not annoyed. You're mad. 266 00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:40,039 I promise it's not as bad as it sounds or thinks or 267 00:13:40,049 --> 00:13:44,320 feels if a child argues with you when you reflect a feeling, 268 00:13:45,179 --> 00:13:47,979 but we use these fluff words because we think that maybe 269 00:13:47,989 --> 00:13:50,200 that will mean that the child won't argue with us. 270 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,789 But it's so much more impactful and 271 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:55,559 so much more helpful from a theoretical standpoint 272 00:13:56,039 --> 00:13:59,640 to get rid of those words and just say you are emotion 273 00:14:00,469 --> 00:14:02,929 and then the optional qualifier as always. But 274 00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:05,340 for time's sake, I haven't really been using those. 275 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,219 But if you're new to the podcast and this is 276 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,729 completely revolutionary, which, hey, 277 00:14:10,869 --> 00:14:13,690 so glad you're here. So glad you're having a-ha moments 278 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:17,330 go back and start at episode one, please. 279 00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:19,510 And then you will know exactly what I'm talking about 280 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,830 through all of this when I say optional qualifier. 281 00:14:22,789 --> 00:14:23,489 So 282 00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:27,179 just be mindful that this is such a powerful tool 283 00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:28,409 in our toolbox 284 00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:33,210 and we need to make sure that we're using it appropriately and in best practice 285 00:14:33,309 --> 00:14:37,260 and we don't need to add in all those extras and the buffers in between. 286 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:38,010 So, 287 00:14:38,429 --> 00:14:41,440 all right, y'all, I hope that that is helpful to you. 288 00:14:41,450 --> 00:14:44,789 I hope that if you are one of those people that adds in those words, 289 00:14:44,869 --> 00:14:48,809 you start catching yourself and you start reworking that. 290 00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:51,859 So you eliminate those words and I think you really will, 291 00:14:51,869 --> 00:14:54,719 you'll sense the difference and I think you'll see the difference 292 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,770 in your children in the playroom as well. 293 00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,260 OK. Love you. Talk again soon. Bye. 294 00:15:00,330 --> 00:15:04,349 Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks. 295 00:15:04,359 --> 00:15:06,510 For more episodes and resources. 296 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:11,390 Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.