203 | From Faith to First Sessions to Flags: Answering Three Child-Centered Play Therapy Questions

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered,

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play therapy and practical support and application for

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your work with children and their families.

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In today's episode. I am answering questions from Grace in California.

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She actually did a three-fer. So I got an email with three questions in one.

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So I'm going to cover each of those in one episode.

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They're all a little bit different.

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One is actually kind of quite different and then

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the other two are a little bit related,

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but certainly something that I think will be helpful.

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And as I've been answering questions more frequently throughout the week

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trying to make sure that I get through all of the questions that I've received. So

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it's easier if I do all three from her in one.

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So let me read you parts of her email

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and then we'll answer each of the three questions.

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So Grace wrote, I'm so grateful for the podcast and your encouragement,

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both as a believer and a clinician.

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My work with children has been so directly impacted by

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your knowledge that you have shared lives are being changed.

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I would love any book recommendations that you have

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that have supported you in conceptualizing your role

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as a counselor while being a Christian.

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Ok,

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so Grace, thanks for this question.

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I will give you two of my favorite books and for those of you that

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are not of the Christian faith, you can skip ahead if you'd like.

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But I think the two books that I feel that have

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been the most impactful for me have been Jesus CEO.

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That's actually an older book. I wanna say it's probably 25 years old at this point.

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But what I got out of that book was how to lead. Well,

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and I think that as therapists, especially as CCPTs,

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we are often in a lot of roles and we're leading in a lot of those capacities.

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So when we are on a stand as an expert witness, when we've been subpoenaed, when we,

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when we're writing a treatment summary, when we're meeting with a principal,

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when we're discussing something with a Guardian ad litum,

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when we are having a discussion with a teacher about

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how to handle what's going on in the classroom.

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When we're meeting with parents for consultations, caregivers, grandparents,

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these are all scenarios where we are in leadership positions.

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And so Jesus CEO, I think was something that really, I read that years ago,

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but it really influenced my view of leadership So I think that was really helpful.

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And then a second book that I absolutely loved that I

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feel was a really big influence is called Jesus Prom.

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And I know they both start with Jesus. That's just coincidence.

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But Jesus Prom was about

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loving people

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and what loving people truly looks like.

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And I think that so many of us went into this field because we

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really, truly care about people and we really truly want to help people.

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And I think you can't do this job without loving others.

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And I think Jesus Prom is one of the most

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well written books about what that looks like practically speaking.

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And that's honestly,

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I would say that's probably one of my top 10 books that I've ever read and I have read,

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oh my gosh, thousands, maybe tens of thousands.

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So that was certainly a huge highlight.

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And let me share this because I know many of you all are believers

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and I know many of you are faith based of different religions and faiths.

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So let me share this.

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We get asked a lot at the center if we are Christian counselors.

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And I guess there's a reputation that has, you know,

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circulated in the community that we're believers.

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And so I do get calls on a semi frequent basis and there we get asked,

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Mya specifically gets asked,

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are you all Christian counselors?

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And I wanna be really clear on this for a second and I know,

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this is a little bit of a deviation from the question Grace.

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But I think this is important for those of

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you that have a faith background doing this profession,

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you will be asked about your faith. You will be asked what you believe.

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You will be asked what your values are. You will be asked what

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you hold to be true about religion and, and things like that.

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We, we're,

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we're called out and we're,

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we're asked deep personal questions sometimes by clients.

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And I think number one, we have to be ok with that.

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So if,

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if that is offensive to you or it makes

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you feel uncomfortable or you would prefer to say,

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I don't know that that's any of your

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business or I don't feel comfortable answering that

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I would challenge you to question why.

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That's something that you don't feel comfortable discussing because

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you go on a journey with your families and you with your clients

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and

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they learn about you,

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you learn about them and there's a trust that's

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established and there's a relationship that is formed.

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And I think people have the right to know

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the person that they're going to let into their child's life.

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That that's a huge, huge decision.

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Who am I going to let go behind a closed door with my child

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and trust that they're not going to do or say or

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act in a way that's going to not only be inappropriate,

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but

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that goes against everything we believe as a family.

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I think that that's a question that deserves to be asked if it matters to the family.

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Not every family will ask you those questions,

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but some will.

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So I think that that's a really important thing to consider.

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You can't do this job without having people ask you those types of questions.

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So we get asked, are you Christian counselors?

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And our response is we are counselors who are Christians,

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but we're not Christian counselors.

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And we say that because,

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and I'm just gonna be really honest and really

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frank. I mean, I think, you know that about me by now, I don't really hold much back.

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I'm pretty transparent with the world,

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but

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I,

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I truly don't think that I can separate being a believer from what I do as a therapist.

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It influences everything I do. My entire worldview

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is because I believe that what the Bible says is true.

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So even when I'm in a playroom,

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I'm not going to bring anything up

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about my faith because that's not child-centered,

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but it impacts and influences every single thing that I do.

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And if you are a therapist that has a faith background,

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your faith influences everything you do as well.

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That's the way that faith works.

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And so we say we are counselors who

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are Christians but not Christian counselors because I never

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want there to be any confusion that I'm going

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to bring up faith or religion in sessions.

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I'm never going to talk about that unless a child brings it up.

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I'm never going to introduce that topic because I have an agenda.

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So I think that that's the separation for us.

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We're very clear that we say we're counselors who are Christians.

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And that to me is the simplest explanation

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for how it does matter and it does influence what goes on at our center,

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but not in a directive and agenda driven way.

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So Grace, thank you for that question. I hope that that was helpful for all of you.

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Let's move on to the next one.

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You often talk about how we need to show up with our own personality and

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style in the room with kids and not just regurgitate things exactly as you do.

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So I'm sensitive to that element with this question, but I would love to hear

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how you do your first session, especially the introduction confidentiality,

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the drawing assessment and the brief spiel you do

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telling a kid what to expect from the process.

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I've gained so much clarity on how to run sessions

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after the first one in the non directive nature,

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but the first session seems unique in that there will be,

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it will be the most directive.

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Any guidance on this would be so helpful.

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Yes, that's a question I get all the time.

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And so Grace, I would encourage you to join the Collective.

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I don't mean to give you a non answers,

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but in the Collective under the training content.

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You can actually watch me coach through the first session

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and you can watch an actual first session of me doing

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a first session with a child.

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And we've also covered that in the Zoom calls.

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So there's a wealth of information about the first session in the collective.

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And I would really encourage you to go in there

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because that will be a much more thorough answer than I can give on this episode.

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And then third question,

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the other directive moment I've sometimes felt stuck

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with is how you assess for child abuse.

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You've mentioned how you respond when a child makes suicidal

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statements and how that usually means something very different.

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But I'm wondering how you address seeing bruises, assessing for neglect,

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et cetera.

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I recently said something like you have boo boos on your arms.

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I wonder what happened, but that definitely strays away from the non

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directive approach. Thank you so much.

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Ok.

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So Grace, I actually don't think that that strays away from the non

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directive approach

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if you do it at very intentional times.

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So what I mean by that is I typically reserve those types of wonder statements

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for before or after the session.

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And here's why

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because when you're walking back to the playroom, when you're in the lobby,

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when a child is washing their hands,

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when you're getting snack, when you are walking back out to the lobby,

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after a session is over,

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that is no longer playroom engagement.

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That's more of just a free flowing conversation.

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So, while we don't wanna be completely deviant from the CCPT model

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and it's not like, you know, oh, I'm not CCPT at all.

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And then as soon as I walk through the playroom door, I become CCPT and then I'm like,

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not CCPT at the end again,

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that's not what I mean.

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But you can absolutely take advantage of those times

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to have more of a true conversation with a child

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and say, oh

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my goodness, you have huge bruise on your leg. I wonder what happened?

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That seems like a normal conversation outside of a playroom.

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And that allows you to see if the child is able or willing to discuss what happened.

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And then it's not really a violation of the CCPT model

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in the playroom. That would be a little bit too directive.

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So I typically make sure that if I notice

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something like that in the middle of a session,

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if I notice it, as soon as I see the child,

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I just typically bring it up before the session.

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But if I notice it in the middle of a session,

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I might acknowledge it like, oh my goodness, that's a big bruise on your leg.

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And if the child says nothing, if they just go uh huh

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because often just bringing it up, you'll get the story right.

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The kid will give you the explanation.

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Yeah, I was riding my horse and I fell and landed on a rock and et cetera, et cetera. Ok.

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So then the child gives you the, the story of what happened.

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But if they don't give you the story,

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then once the play session is over and you're walking back out into the hallway,

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you can say

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man, that bruise is really big. I wonder what in the world happened

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and my encouragement in that kind of

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conversation is the more light hearted you sound

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and the more I just love you and I want to check in and make sure that you're ok

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because if it seems like you're worried about it,

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if it seems like you're emotional about it, if it does not seem neutral,

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you're not likely to get them to share anything with you.

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So I think the tone and the vibe of those,

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I wonder statements are just as important as when you,

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when you make those statements.

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So I think that the more light that we can make sure that that comes across,

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the more likely a child is going to share whatever that scenario is with us.

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So Grace in California. Thank you so much for these questions.

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I hope that all of you found them helpful.

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Please be mindful that the meet up is coming in. Oh my gosh, like 20 days.

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So in about three weeks, we're going to be having our meet up in Atlanta

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if you would like to come, please RSVP, the numbers are growing daily

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and I'm trying to keep track of that and make

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sure that we have space so that we can meet.

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So please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com/meetup

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at RSVP. If you're planning on coming, I would love to meet you in person.

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Love to have you really excited about that.

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Love you all so much. Have a great week talk again soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr

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Brenna hicks. For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.