192 | The Indescribable Moments in Child-Centered Play Therapy

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered,

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play therapy and practical support and application for

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your work with children and their families.

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In today's episode, we are finishing out our summer school series.

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So this will be the last of the reading episodes

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from seminal works and seminal texts in the field.

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And I'm really, really excited about what was accomplished this summer.

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So thanks for coming along to summer school with me.

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You know, I've never once gone to summer school, like as a punishment.

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I went in college because I graduated in three years with a four year degree.

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But it was not because I had to, it was because I chose to.

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So thank you for choosing to come on a summer school series journey with me.

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And before I dive into the final passage that I'd like to read today,

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a couple of housekeeping things.

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Number one,

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if you live in Australia

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or are close by

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or can get to Australia,

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I am speaking at the end of November

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and we would love to have you there. You do not have to be a member of APPTA

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to come to the conference.

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Many of the Aussies reached out and said that you aren't

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a member and so you didn't think you could go.

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That's not true. You can absolutely go as a non-member.

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So please, if you can get to Australia, if you want to take a vacation,

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if you live in Australia,

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please make plans to be there. It's gonna be awesome. I'm speaking for three days

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and this is going to be the biggest

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amount of information that I've ever given live in. One fell swoop.

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So, really excited about that.

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If you are stateside, if you live close to Mississippi or close to Virginia,

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I'm speaking in both of those places in the spring.

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So if you are interested in coming to an APT conference

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and hearing me keynote live, you can visit Mississippi or Virginia

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and those are on the books already as well with more reaching out.

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So I will keep you all updated about where I will be and when,

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when those dates become solidified and things like that. So

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thanks for telling your branches and your state APTs and your countries about me.

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I'm really grateful for

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the opportunities to come and meet you all in person and

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give you hugs and shake hands with people. So

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I have one of my graduates from my Six-Figure program. She

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she wrote me and said,

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I can't wait to

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squeeze my arms around your neck or something, which I thought was so sweet.

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So, yes, I'm looking forward to squeezing, squeezing y'all's necks.

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OK.

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So let's dive into the seminal text today and this is the final one.

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So I figure we're going to go out with a bang

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and really, that takes us back to the beginning, right?

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Which is what we've been doing this whole summer.

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So I'm reading from the preface actually

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of Art of the Relationship.

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And this is written straight from Garry Landreth s mouth to

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the page or from his brain to the page maybe.

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And

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this is his

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commentary on CCPT.

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And I feel like we're going to end here

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because it's so powerful and it's so important that

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we understand what's going on when we

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interact with children in a therapeutic way.

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So I'm on page. Gosh, what is this? 16? It's in Roman numeral. So I had to,

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I had to decode for a second.

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So the preface page 16, so not the actual page 16, Roman numeral 16.

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It says

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I have experienced child-centered play therapy

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to be a dynamic approach to counseling with a child

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that allows me to fully experience the child's world

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as I venture forth in the process of presenting the person I am

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and opening myself to receive the delicate

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and subtle messages communicated by the child

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which declare the uniqueness of the child's personality

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and I know that was a really long sentence.

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So we're going to tease it apart a little bit. Ok.

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I've experienced child-centered play therapy to be a

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dynamic approach to counseling with a child.

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We know that we talk about that, right?

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It's dynamic in nature,

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the ebb and flow of the therapist to the child and the chair, the,

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oh my gosh, the therapist to the child

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and the child to the therapist.

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That is a very dynamic

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nature

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driven process, right?

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So what we feel and think and experience what they feel,

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think and experience and it goes back and forth.

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Ok.

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So child centered play therapy is a dynamic approach

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that allows me to fully experience the child's world

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as I venture forth in the process of presenting the person. I am

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notice the

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the parallel there.

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So we

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are able to fully experience the child's world.

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Yet we are venturing forth in the process of presenting the person that we are

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to the child as well

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and then

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opening myself to receive the delicate and

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subtle messages communicated by the child.

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Look at how one predicates the other

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we have to venture forth. That's a willing decision.

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That is not something that just organically happens,

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we venture forth if you venture, it's something that you are choosing to do, right?

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So we choose

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to present the person that we are

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that comes first

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if we don't

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engage vulnerably and congruently and honestly, with a child

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relationship isn't formed.

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So we venture forth, present ourselves as we are

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and open ourselves to receive the delicate

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and subtle messages communicated by the child.

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We don't get to receive those delicate and subtle messages

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until we present ourselves and we open ourselves.

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You see how that all works together.

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It's beautiful in nature.

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I

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related aside, I so often watch

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animals, insects, birds doesn't matter. I watch nature, I watch creation

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and I say out loud,

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oh my gosh. Look at how that creature was made.

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Look at the intricacy of that. Look at the beauty of that. Look at the

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creativity of that, look at

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whatever you name it. I marvel sometimes

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when I, for example,

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have you ever looked at a butterfly

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and the wings of a butterfly?

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Lepidoptera

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are

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butterfly experts just to make you smarter all the random facts stored in my head.

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Y'all. I swear. Anyway, lepidoptera is the study of butterflies. And

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so if you have ever looked at butterflies,

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they have large circles

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on their wings

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because it makes them look like they're large with eyes

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and it

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is a deterrent to predators that are trying to prey on them.

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I mean, if that's not creation on display, it's the most ingenious thing.

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And so I often find myself just marveling at

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the

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beauty in the world

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and

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when we think about

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the delicate and subtle messages

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that we have to receive,

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you have to notice and pay attention y'all.

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If you just fly through your day, fly through your play sessions.

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If you're distracted, if you're thinking about something else,

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if you're wondering about dinner or your workout or your schedule or whatever,

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you don't get to open yourself up

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to receive the delicate and subtle messages communicated by the child.

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Delicate and subtle

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are not things that smack us in the face

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and they're not readily evident

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and they're not things that we can just callously expect her to understand

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without intention.

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You have to study creation to marvel at it.

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And you have to be really intentional about opening

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yourself up and presenting the person that you are

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in order for the child to

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be willing to show you

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the delicate and subtle messages.

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Ok. Continuing

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this is still the same sentence by the way,

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which declare the uniqueness of the child's personality.

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So as they

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give us delicate and subtle messages that they communicate,

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that tells us

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the uniqueness of the child's personality

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that is the whole child.

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It's the most amazing thing. What a gift we get to do this,

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I'll keep reading.

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My experience is that the problems the child experiences do

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not exist apart from the person the child is.

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Hm,

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let that sit for a second.

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The problems the child experiences do not exist apart from the person. The child is

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this is why self actualization is necessary.

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Continuing. Therefore,

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child-centered play therapy matches the dynamic inner structure of the child

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with an equally dynamic approach,

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mic drop. I'm done. No, there's more.

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But

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y'all how can we say that better?

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We don't.

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This is why we read Garry Landreth because no one says it better than Garry Landreth.

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But

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child-centered play therapy. The next time you have to defend why you're ac CCPT

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the next time you have to explain how this works.

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The next time someone questions or is confused or is just curious,

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child-centered play therapy matches the dynamic inner structure

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of the child with an equally dynamic approach.

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Now, if you say that

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eyes are going to roll back in their heads

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and they're gonna walk away with a dazed look.

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OK. That does not explain anything on layman's terms.

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But that is your foundation

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upon which you now have words to communicate what's going on.

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Kids', problems don't exist apart from the person.

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So therefore,

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there's a dynamic inner structure of the child.

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Therefore, we match it with an equally dynamic approach. In CCPT.

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Continuing

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children are quite capable. Oh I love this.

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Children are quite capable of teaching adults about themselves.

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If adults are willing

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patient

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and open to learning,

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child, led,

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willing patient and open to learning

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your way, your time,

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your process, your pace,

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willing patient and open to learning.

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Continuing children are real people,

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not simply appendages of those adults around them.

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They have feelings and reactions

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independent of their parents' reactions,

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the assumption of

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nervous mother nervous child

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does not hold true.

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I know I'm rocking some of your world right now. I'll circle back.

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Can we assume that if the house is blown up and mother remains calm,

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the child will not be affected?

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No,

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I have one more sentence, then we'll unpack it.

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Children are persons in their own right?

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And experience feelings and reactions independent

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of significant adults in their lives.

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OK.

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So

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we have to be willing patient and open to learn. In order for children

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to teach us about themselves.

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We understand that

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children are real people, not simply appendages of those adults around them.

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This is where it gets interesting

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because more often than not

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children are treated as tag alongs

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or they're treated as mini adults

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and they're neither

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so

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understanding that they are real people

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and they have reactions and feelings independent

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of others reactions,

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kids feel and think and react extremely differently than adults.

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We see it all the time,

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but somehow adults find it strange

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that children do those things

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that's who they are

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they're people,

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the assumption. OK. Here we go.

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The assumption of nervous mother, nervous child does not hold true. Now,

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do I believe 100% that when one of the

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parents in a child's home has high levels of anxiety

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that, that usually trickles down and there are high levels of anxiety in the child?

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Yes,

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children model children observe children absorb.

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So do I believe that if we have a highly anxious mother.

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We often have highly anxious kids.

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Yes.

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But listen to how Landreth is phrasing this,

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this is to point out something different.

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This is not to say that doesn't happen.

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This is saying, can we assume that if the house is blown up and mother remains calm,

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the child will not be affected?

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No.

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So what he's saying here is

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just because a parent experiences one reaction or emotion or experience

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does not mean the child will be in the same exact situation

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if there's something catastrophic that happens.

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And for some miraculous reason, a parent stays completely calm about it,

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we can't expect a child to stay calm when their world has been rocked.

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So then he finishes, children are persons in their own right?

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And experience feelings and reactions independent

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of significant adults in their lives.

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That's the point.

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There's crossover, of course,

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but there is independence as well.

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Ok.

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And then final part,

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the relationships and experiences

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referred to as play therapy

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are infinitely more complex than this book portrays

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the process of relating to a child

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who is experiencing permission

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to be himself or herself is indescribable

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and can only be known in the actual shared moments of the relationship together,

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the relationships and experiences referred to as play therapy. Let's pause there.

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Notice how we just got a new unique perspective on the definition of play therapy.

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One of the tasks that all of my coaching participants

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are required to do is write what is play therapy.

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And

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I expect a lot more than that. I'll tell you

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if someone came to me and said the relationships and experiences,

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I'd be like um hmm OK. That's not really what I had in mind.

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But y'all that says it, all

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the relationships and experiences referred to as play therapy.

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We experience things together

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in context of relationship

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that is play therapy.

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Incredible.

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The relationships and experiences referred to

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as play therapy are infinitely more complex

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than this book portrays,

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right? We can't grasp that

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in words,

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it's not something we can read and understand, right?

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The process of relating to a child.

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So there's the relationship piece again,

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it all goes back to that every single time, always forever, amen

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the process of relating to a child. So having the relationship

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who is experiencing permission to be him or herself,

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that goes back to what we talked about before

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is indescribable.

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Kids aren't given permission to be themselves ever

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for so many reasons.

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So when

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they experience permission

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to be him or herself,

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because of the relationship, it's indescribable and continuing can only be known

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in the actual shared moments of the relationship together.

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We can't articulate that to someone else, at least not effectively,

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not cohesively, not in a way that someone would really grasp,

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they might cognitively grasp what you're saying.

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They might emotionally grasp what you're saying.

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They might

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experientially grasp what you're saying, but they will never truly

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know what those actual shared moments are like

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because they're indescribable.

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And every day that we walk into a playroom,

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every session we have with a child,

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we have indescribable moments

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because of those shared

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relational experiences together.

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They're indescribable.

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We can try,

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but no one will ever fully grasp that except

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you and that child for that therapeutic hour,

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that child can't communicate it either.

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No one else will ever know

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besides the two of you in that therapeutic hour together in that playroom.

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And that is CCPT.

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All right, y'all. I love you so much. Thank you for

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summer schooling with me and we'll be back to regular curriculum moving forward.

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I also have lots of questions to answer.

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So I'm going to be putting out lots of responses to all of your questions.

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So stay tuned for that.

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If you want to reach out to me, please do brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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We'll talk again soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.