Sex With Emily’s Dr. Emily Morse

00:00:05
Speaker 1: Hello, my love, it is Lala Kit. Welcome back to another episode of my podcast, Give Them La La. What's up, miss Jessica Walter?

00:00:16
Speaker 2: There are times to charm. I think you've said it three times like that, and it's cheap.

00:00:22
Speaker 3: So I love it when you say Walter, I can't even say it.

00:00:25
Speaker 1: I didn't even say it.

00:00:28
Speaker 2: Nothing's up.

00:00:29
Speaker 4: We're just chilling in your bedroom, yep, on your bed.

00:00:33
Speaker 1: I have a full house right now. I have my little brother who was supposed to leave after his birthday and he was like, I don't want to go home. I said you should stay. He said, maybe I'll leave Thursday. I was like, why would you leave Thursday?

00:00:45
Speaker 5: Right?

00:00:46
Speaker 1: Like right, get home for right, get home for one day of work, and then the weekend hits like just stay through the weekend. So he's here. He brought his friend out some of all the goings on. It's fun. I love it.

00:00:58
Speaker 4: Yeah.

00:00:59
Speaker 1: I love jam packed house.

00:01:01
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yes, yeah, it's like a comfortable family fun.

00:01:07
Speaker 1: I like it too. Yeah. So we're in the bedroom because Easton and his homies are downstairs watching The Tinder Swindler.

00:01:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, watching the Tinder Swindler.

00:01:17
Speaker 4: How are you doing, Laala? Since we last spoke. Oh this podcast, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling excited and happy.

00:01:26
Speaker 1: We have doctor Emily Morris from the podcast Sex with Emily. She does a lot of other things. I'm super excited, super horny these days, and I'm like, I'm like, can we let's talk about it please?

00:01:44
Speaker 3: No.

00:01:44
Speaker 1: I'm feeling amazing, and you know, I have people that I'm speaking to and I'm like getting to that point where I'm like I could let him hit it.

00:01:56
Speaker 5: Yeah.

00:01:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm like nervous and not just nervous, and I'm gonna get very vulnerable with Emily today. Tell her where my head's at because I need her to like spit mad knowledge on me. Yeah. But one of the reasons I'm nervous is like, so I have an IUD, right, no hormones, I get migraines. But like there is a huge difference between like, Okay, I've got my IUD and people just assume like, oh, but I don't ovulate her. Oh I have my IUD or I'm taking a pill. So like I'm good. I need to know what my body is doing at all times, right, I cannot have any slip ups, any what the fuck, where's my period? You know, if I'm gonna start banging it out, I need to know no children are going to be on the way, right.

00:02:53
Speaker 2: This isn't a guessing game.

00:02:54
Speaker 1: This is not a guessing game. So I found this. It's like a thermometer. You download an app. It's called Natural Cycles. I stick it in my mouth green lets me know I'm good to go, And that obviously means like you're not ovulating.

00:03:11
Speaker 2: So you do the natural cycles thing. With the IUD.

00:03:17
Speaker 1: You should always know what your body is doing, whether you have an IUD or you're taking a pill, like, know what your body's doing, don't rely on it. Yeah, So with Natural Cycles, the reason I do it is because like that I know, it's like I'm a virgo, So I use everything perfectly obviously, and if you use it perfectly, it's ninety eight percent effective. And when you give me a number like that, I'm fucking using it right, right, right, So that thing has been in my like I'm checking all the time, yeah, because who knows when I'm going to like, hey, let's slip it in right.

00:03:59
Speaker 4: Are you a fan of period sex, because that could be a good way to track like.

00:04:03
Speaker 2: Like, do you have sex on your period.

00:04:05
Speaker 4: I feel like that's such a Some women are like, no, absolutely not, and others are like absolutely just that's.

00:04:11
Speaker 1: What I'm howl down. And I know I'm really safe. You know, I'm fine with it because I just think it's like, I am a woman, yeah who has a period, right, And I'm not going to be ashamed of that. Now, Like some dudes may not be into it. I've had most dudes that are like, I don't give a shit, let's get it pop in yeah, and then you know, you just do it in the shower exactly, don't look down.

00:04:40
Speaker 4: But I was gonna say that is that could be a good way to even if you're not having sex, or it's just a good way to track your period. And I feel like I should do that. I know Kyle tracks my period because he like wants to know when I'm going to be extra emotional or like when I act like a monster.

00:04:57
Speaker 2: Heah looks down at his app.

00:04:59
Speaker 4: And he's like, oh, okay, great, she's this is why right then he's like, you know, brings me chocolate or whatever.

00:05:04
Speaker 2: But like, I feel like I should do that. That's smart.

00:05:06
Speaker 1: It is smart, And like I said, because I get the migraines. Like I cannot have any sort of hormone. It heightens your risk of strokes. Oh yeah, I know that. I learned that a while back. So I have a copper IUD which no hormones. Mix that with my natural cycles and I'm like, I'm golden, you know. Yeah, yeah, so that's what I love about it. And because there's no hormones in my IUD or with the natural cycles, like, it doesn't stop your ovulation, so you continue to have normal periods, continue to have your normal ovulation cycle. I just I you know me. I love a plan B. I know you. I love a plan B plan A B C.

00:05:54
Speaker 2: Like you love a good.

00:05:55
Speaker 1: Good, yes, good backup plan. That's what I live by. Yeah, yes, I'm I'm feeling in great spirits. And this weekend I'm gonna see one of the boys.

00:06:08
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, one of the boys. Yeah, how are you feeling about that?

00:06:12
Speaker 1: I get nervous?

00:06:13
Speaker 2: You do, yeah, you get Butterfly.

00:06:17
Speaker 1: Yes, And he's the one that I can get like emotional with and like if I cry if we have sex, because I probably will cry. I'm gonna ask Emily about that. Think you should have you ever cried?

00:06:29
Speaker 2: During sex, Jess, No, because I'm not a crazy No, I'm just kidding. Oh my god, you guys, I'm kidding.

00:06:35
Speaker 4: Nervous, of course, I cried when I lost my virginity to my long term boyfriend at the time.

00:06:42
Speaker 1: But it was sweet. I thought, I mean, why'd you cry?

00:06:46
Speaker 3: Though?

00:06:46
Speaker 1: Why'd you cry?

00:06:47
Speaker 2: Because I felt like it was such a big moment. I feel like I was lucky.

00:06:51
Speaker 4: I had a nice I had a nice Like when I lost my virginity, it was like with someone special, and it was not that go was your virginity, do whatever you want to whoever. It could be a one night stand like you do you do you. But for me, I was like, it needs to be special and all this shit.

00:07:10
Speaker 1: I don't agree with that now.

00:07:11
Speaker 2: But so I cried because I was like so stupid. But I was like, oh my god, I'm like a woman. I think this is such a big moment in my life.

00:07:22
Speaker 1: I'm better remembrance forever.

00:07:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, but not in a negative way. I was like, this is such a big moment in my life. It was just a lot of emotions.

00:07:30
Speaker 4: I cried too, Yeah, and you cried the first time, Yeah, And I felt that I was safe.

00:07:37
Speaker 2: I think if I had.

00:07:38
Speaker 4: Done it with someone who was like new or I was like, oh, let me just it's a one night stand type of thing, I wouldn't have cried. I would have like kept it inside because I would have been like, this is gonna look really weird, which I don't agree with now, but at the time, and but I felt safe, So I was like emotional and I got you know, I got like a hug and a sweet like whatever. But but why do you think, I mean, because you're not losing your virginity, I am, but you feel like you are.

00:08:07
Speaker 1: I also think it's I also think that it's going to be like it'll be a happy cry. But you know, when there's so much emotion going through you, whether it's happy, sad, all the feels, and you don't know how to process it, so you cry. Yes, yes, yes, that's what it's going to be. Like. Yeah, who knows. I could bang it out and just be so slyly and not cry at all, but I want to be prepared. And I feel like with this dude, if I were to cry, like he would hug me after and like make me feel all special and sweet.

00:08:36
Speaker 2: That's that's nice.

00:08:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, and safe and safe the word of life. Feeling safe. Yeah, speaking of period sex again, that takes me back to a time where like, I was dating this football player. He was playing at USC and then he got drafted hot, he was super hot. No, he was flying okay to the Seahawks in Seattle. So he flies me out to see him. Keep in mind, I'm young. I'm so young. I think I was like twenty two, okay, and you're like impressionable at twenty two, especially when you're dating this guy who's now in the NFL and you're kind of intimidated and you're like, oh my god. Okay, Yeah, we had had sex before, So I fly out to see him. We bang it out once right that night, and it's like two seconds because I'm so good at what I do, right, and he was like upset about it. Right Okay, He's like I can do better than that. I can do better than that, So he wants to go again. Yeah, I am just wrapping up my period. The first the first time we did it that night, we were good. The second time is when it was like, Okay, something's happening, right and I don't know him like that, Where do I warn him? Because you know when you're wrapping up your period. Yes, I'm so. We're getting real real, right, No, this is great.

00:09:58
Speaker 2: This is what get real when you're so you're wrapping up. You're not about to start.

00:10:02
Speaker 1: No, it's like the tail end of it, okay, and you're about to wrap up, but you think you feel it like, oh my god, there's more done.

00:10:10
Speaker 3: Yeah I thought it was more done than it might be. Yeah, so that happens. Okay, he is not about that life at all. I'm mortified. He goes to practice The next morning. I washed the sheets and everything.

00:10:26
Speaker 1: I start getting a migraine because I'm so stressed out about what had just happened. Now i'd be like, fuck you, motherfucker. Yeah, I got a period.

00:10:33
Speaker 4: That makes me really sad for you and makes me want to look this Seahawks man in their face and be like, grow up. I've said it two weeks in a row now, just for different reasons, but like that's my thing lately.

00:10:43
Speaker 1: Grow grow up right right?

00:10:46
Speaker 3: Me? Sad?

00:10:47
Speaker 2: What a loser?

00:10:48
Speaker 1: Okay? So he comes home that night, I've like washed everything whatever, we're laying down. We had banged it out again, so we obviously wasn't that Oh okay, okay, yeah, and he sees a small little sp on the bed and he goes, couldn't get this out, and I was like, I'm never talking to you again. I cannot wait to get the fuck out of here.

00:11:11
Speaker 5: What a little shit.

00:11:12
Speaker 2: I know, I've never had a man be upset.

00:11:16
Speaker 1: I was on my period.

00:11:17
Speaker 4: The only thing that's happened, I don't know if this has ever happened to you, is that I had a tampon in one night and I was drunk, and I knew I had my period, but I was like, it was just like we were drunk and we started having sex, and I was like, like, almost as the sex was almost done, I was like, I didn't take out my tampon, and his venus has been all the way inside of me, so that tampon is up there.

00:11:40
Speaker 2: I had to go to the guy no and get it taken out.

00:11:43
Speaker 1: Wow, good for him, it was that big. Yeah.

00:11:45
Speaker 4: Well, like I think I was also just like I get like weird and queasy about like my blood getting taken and like if I have to put my leg up on the toilet. I think I fainted multiple times the first time trying to put a tampon in.

00:11:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's a lot. Yeah.

00:12:01
Speaker 2: So I was like, I'll just go get it taken out.

00:12:03
Speaker 1: You know, I'm the same way when I see blood. Yeah, automatically, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna So I got botox for the first time in a long time. Okay, how did that go? So it went great? Obviously I love my bowtoks. But they didn't do numbing cream this time because I was on a tight schedule. I was like, we don't have time to numb today. Okay. They had to tilt me back and I can feel it coming on the second he was poking. I was like, okay, legs are going numb. You gotta tilt me back like I could feel like working up my body to where my I was gonna be knocked out. Okay, So I should have just had them numb me because the amount of times they had to tilt me back.

00:12:44
Speaker 2: So wait, what do you Why are they tilting you back?

00:12:46
Speaker 1: Does that hit the blood back to you so you don't faint or it just so you don't faint? Yes? Okay. And doctor Diamond, by the way, there is no better doctor to make you look natural. He's very conservative. Right mm hm. I learned to go to him after some not so great moments of injection. Right, Okay, yes, he is an artist when it comes to the face, so I only trust him with my face. But he knows at this point like Walla has Faintie's mouth, so like tilt back and of course like in comes the nurse with my little juice box and like the little cookie.

00:13:27
Speaker 2: So you must have you ever given blood?

00:13:30
Speaker 1: Yes? And I don't like it?

00:13:32
Speaker 5: No?

00:13:32
Speaker 4: Do you faint every time?

00:13:34
Speaker 1: Most of the time they have to tilt me back and bring in the juice, bringing the juice, tilt.

00:13:39
Speaker 2: Me back next time, numbing cream.

00:13:42
Speaker 1: I will never do it again without numbing cream. And by the way, the lips are the hardest.

00:13:47
Speaker 4: Okay, wait, this is gonna be a weird question. Then did you faint when you were giving birth? If like you faint from like blood and maybe like pain.

00:13:55
Speaker 1: So I was worried about that. Yeah, I would be because doctor Bart who delivered Ocean, said do you want to feel? And do you want to feel? And I was like no, because if she's here, like I'll pass out if it's if it just isn't you know, like if I realize what's happening to my body it's when pain is involved or poking that I'm like, I associate, oh, there's blood because this is happening. Yeah, oh my god, yes, you know, period blood totally fine, I'm good, right, But with Ocean, I feel like I was so just chilling. Really yeah.

00:14:32
Speaker 4: See that's so good because I always assume, like like when when Courtney Kardashian gave birth to and she pulled and had the mirror down and she just pulled him out.

00:14:41
Speaker 5: No.

00:14:41
Speaker 1: I looked and I saw Ocean coming out like the tail ends. Oh you did. Yes, so fun fact about my birthing experience. Okay, So they give me the epidural and I'm freaking out because I feel like an egg. My legs are gone. I am humpty fucking okay, and I'm like, is this gonna go away? Like I can't feel anything. I cannot feel like it starts fucking with me. Yeah, And they're like, do you want something for the anxiety because I was starting to panic and I was like no, no, no, I'm sober. I don't take anything. Keep in mind, remember I never had an issue with pills, drugs. Alcohol was my thing. Okay, That's why I go to AA. Nothing else ever interest interested me, never dabbled in anything. Alcohol was where it started and ended. So I tell them this and they're like, okay, good to know, because sometimes they put fetanyl in the epidural, right, you can opt out of it. And I said, I don't want that. I do not want that. So cut to like three in the morning and I'm like, maybe sooner than that. I'm like, the epidural's not working anymore. I'm feeling a lot of cramping because I'm in labor. Yeah, and there's a new guy that's doing the epidural. So he comes in and does it, and I'm on cloud night. I was like, I don't feel shit. The best sleep I've ever gotten. It was definitely before three am because I slept so great. Really, Jessica, get to the point where they're like, we're gonna break your water. They break my water. They come in, they're like, we're gonna change the bed sheet because there's a lot of water. I said, just leave it. I can't feel shit. I'm so tired.

00:16:17
Speaker 2: So do you think that then there was fentanylon that.

00:16:20
Speaker 1: Well, they come in later and they were like, there's an issue, oh, because they were worried because I told them I was sober, and I said, I don't want you to worry. It's all good. If you would have injected vodka into my spine, maybe a different story. But we're all good. We're all good. That's crazy. So my birthing experience was fantastic and you didn't faint. No, Wow, I was in it. Six am. They're like, she's here, don't push another second. Did I tell you that?

00:16:52
Speaker 4: No?

00:16:53
Speaker 1: They were like, push so we can just see where we're at. Because she comes in and she's like, oh, we're there. We're out of ten.

00:16:58
Speaker 4: When you say, when she says we're there, does that mean like the head's starting to come out?

00:17:03
Speaker 1: Well? When I pushed, she goes, do not move until doctor Rothbart gets here, because I'm looking at her head right now.

00:17:10
Speaker 2: What Yeah, that is wild.

00:17:13
Speaker 4: See I think about that and I'm like, I'm I will faint when they say that.

00:17:17
Speaker 2: They say, oh, I see your head. I'm done.

00:17:19
Speaker 4: My sister took my sister to get her belly button piers She got it pierced and got wobbly.

00:17:23
Speaker 1: I was down down. That would knock me out too. Belly button peers, I'm telling you, when you give birth, and they say, we're there. I see the head. You are not gonna faint. You're gonna be like, this is like you're gonna meet Like I'm getting emotional. You're gonna meet your baby. Yeah, you won't faint.

00:17:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you don't know what they look like.

00:17:45
Speaker 1: You don't know like anything. They've just been living in you for nine months. And they're finally coming out. And someone says you can see her her head or his head, and you're like, oh my god, I can't wait. That's you know, yeah, like let me fucking push, yeah, her out of there. She's ready to so I can hold her on her mom. I know, speaking of that, it's almost a year.

00:18:08
Speaker 2: I know, how do you feel about them?

00:18:10
Speaker 1: I'm so excited.

00:18:12
Speaker 2: You're a little water baby.

00:18:13
Speaker 1: My little water baby is going to be one next month. It's it's so much fun. I thought I would be so sad about it, and I look back on pictures and I'm like, I'm so sad about this, But I'm not so sad about this because she is so much fun. She's so cute.

00:18:32
Speaker 4: She's like she's a baby, she's like a I look at it.

00:18:35
Speaker 2: I'm like, you're a human. It's wild.

00:18:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's my little person, my little mini all right. So now with all of that sex talk, birth control talk, period talk, let's take a little break and we'll be back with doctor Emily Moores. We are back with a guest that I'm super excited to have on. We have Emily Sex with Emily. So Hi Emily, first and foremost, thank you for being here.

00:19:06
Speaker 5: Hi Ella.

00:19:07
Speaker 1: So, I became addicted to you and your podcast when I was lucky enough to go to dinner with a girl by the name of Camilica Bao and she is obsessed with you, and I was like, I have to get on this train, and then I have to have her on the podcast because I'm kind of venturing into new territory when it comes to sex.

00:19:32
Speaker 5: Okay, I love it.

00:19:33
Speaker 1: So I want to have you first explained, like to people who maybe are living under a rock and not familiar with you, what your podcast entails, what you're into, and then we're going to dive into all things sex.

00:19:46
Speaker 5: All right, Well, thank you for having me on. I'm so glad that you found your way to sec to Themily. We've been doing this podcast for over fifteen years. It's our seventeen Beer and I actually shout it up. I know it was one of the first podcasts ever, and it was the first sex podcast. So I've been doing this for a long time. I love what I do. I answer people's questions, I help people. My home mission of Sex with Emily and now it's everything. It's you can find me sex with Emily and on social media, and I have books, and I teach and I speak products all the things. But really my mission is to get people to prioritize their pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. It's so taboos still in so many circles. Maybe not here in Los Angeles. You can do it with their friends and Camala is going to say, check out this sex podcast. But in a lot of places in the world, we are not comfortable talking about it, and we don't think about pleasure. We think of sex as being this kind of a lot of ways, especially for a lot of women, we feel like we have to be more performative, we have to please our partner, but we don't really know our own bodies. We kind of shame ourselves. And so it's really about opening up that conversation. And I release two podcasts a week, and yeah, it's really just about every topic you can think of answering questions I've guessed sometimes.

00:20:54
Speaker 1: I am so into it. And actually, so that's where I am right now, because when I think about I almost get nervous. And I don't get nervous because I think it's the other person's gonna be bad. I'm worried that I'm gonna be bad. So like I'm not even worried about if I get off, I'm worried about if the other person gets off. Like I'm all about the other person. Please help me and other women or men who are going through that same thought process.

00:21:22
Speaker 5: Well, okay, so let me tell you this all. I love that you've said. This is so good because here's the thing. The best sex is when everyone's having pleasure and everyone gets off right or everyone feels good. And so I'm gonna say, I'm gonna twist this a little bit and say, you're gonna be fine with whatever lover you have next as long as you were truly having pleasure, you're in your body, you know what feels good, and so that's the sexiest lover in the world is a woman or I always say on my show, I don't use gender, I say volva owners and penis owners, but we'll just say is a woman a velva owner? A lolva is the external part of vaginan you can say vagina blah blah, who knows her body, knows how to move it, knows what feels good. So I feel like this is a lot of people come into my show and they're like, tell me how to not make a weird orgasm phase or how do I get better blow jobs? And all that can come, but first you have to come.

00:22:16
Speaker 1: I love that because I think a lot of people do get in their head about that. I mean more times than not, Like I'm not getting off because I'm so in my head about you know. And when you're with the same person for a really long time, then you become like almost comfortable with the dynamic.

00:22:37
Speaker 5: You know, Yeah, exactly.

00:22:38
Speaker 1: It's mostly just like a chore.

00:22:39
Speaker 5: The chur check you out the list. And I don't want that. That's my mission is. I don't do not want sex to be something that is another item mind your to do list. And so and I mean I started this show to give you the history, Like I started the show over fifteen years ago because I was performative. I was like, what's he going to think of me? How do I give a blow jump? How do I look sexy when I'm giving it? How do And I was faking orgasms like I was doing all the things that I find out that I was not alone, But at the time there was nobody else talking about this. I felt there was nobody else like talking about the reality of it. So I had to do my own work and figure out what feels good to me. I had to bring back my master, but I like really get into my masturbation. I had to learn to communicate with my partners and say, like, this is what I'm into because here's the thing. Well, the reason why most women are more performative or they're like just wanted to get over with is because we don't really know because sex is so focused first off on penetration. Here's one of the reasons penetration can feel amazing. Nothing about penetration. But that goes back to religion and the patriarchy saying that sex is good about penetration because that's where babies are made. The majority of women or volva owners are not going to have an orgasm with anything to do with the penis, so I'm not gonna have the most pleasure with the penis, and maybe you do. Only twenty percent of women have orgasms during penetration. That's first off, And now that that's not important, that's amazing, But most of them need a warm up, they need oral sex, they need to make sure that the kitchen clean or like they finish their items on the to do list. So there's like all these factors that go into really pleasurable sex. So the first thing is realizing that maybe you need a lot of oral like I know I do, Like I need a lot of warm up, I need foreplay. I need to know that my partner and I've connected. And so it just kind of understanding that sex is more complex than just like getting it over with and the old in and out.

00:24:22
Speaker 1: Right, Like we're not jack rabbits, let's like make this a fun event. I totally guys, I'm trying to get back into that headspace. Now, back to what you said about the faking of the orgasms.

00:24:35
Speaker 5: Okay, let's do it.

00:24:36
Speaker 1: Do you think that people should do that? Do you think that people should fake an orgasm?

00:24:42
Speaker 5: I don't think people should fake orgasms, but I know that they do. But we fake them because we're afraid we're not going to get there. We want our partners to feel We don't want them to feel bad, right, we are embarrassed that we can't. I'm just gonna get over with We know, we know it's not going to happen, and all these reasons. But what we're doing is, first off, we're setting these and I think it's mostly with men that we fa get to. Let's just say that we're setting all these penises off in the world thinking that they're great lovers, their masters of the universe, and like, well, no woman's ever faked it with me. I'm like, I guarantee you all the time that like more than half have faked it, probably because it usually doesn't happen the first time you're with someone. Like there's just all these factors. So no, I think it's a disservice to your partners, first off, for the future partners that they're with, but also it's a disservice to ourselves. And even if you stay with them forever, they should know how to please you, right, you can know how to please you and you're not. Then we're almost like we're deciding in that moment we fake it that their pleasure is more important than ours.

00:25:37
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I mean at the very beginning of this, I said that I like, if they get off, then I know I did my job. Like, I'm more concerned with that.

00:25:43
Speaker 5: That's what we're switching that I think I have to we're doing it so into the switchingness for you.

00:25:49
Speaker 1: Do you feel like vulva owners are more in their head when it comes to sex than penis owners?

00:25:58
Speaker 5: Think that we're all in our heads, to be honest, And I got to say this my podcast audience is that it's half men and half women. It always has been, so it's never been like, which is you know, interesting? But I think it's just I know this because I get all big questions all the time. We're all in our heads. That women are our heads. Ulva owners are at our head. Thank you for having me here. Veva owners are in their head and they're worried that is my left boob a lot bigger than my right boob? Am I doing this right? Or the kids going to come in the door? Is my roommate? Can they every roommate hear me? Is this weird? Whatever was in our mind? Am I doing this wrong? Am I not going to get there, And then I think that penis owners are in their head equally wondering like is she going to get there? Why aren't I hard enough? I'm going to lose my direction, I'm going to come too quickly. So yes, I think we're all in our heads. And so that's how we could just really do a lot of work around getting out of our heads. I can give you some tips on that too.

00:26:46
Speaker 1: So for me going back to being out there like that again, and obviously I practice safe sex always first and foremost. I think it's important to be an educated lover and a smart one at thought. But I fully intend on going and living my best life, Emily, I'm not even going to lie do it. And what are some tips that you can Number one, let's talk about getting out of the head, Like, what what do you recommend for people in my situation where it's like this is new territory again, like I used to be great at what I was doing, but am I still Like how do I get myself to be like you're freaking awesome?

00:27:29
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, Well, first by saying that you're freaking awesome because you are freaking awesome and knowing that, but there's a few steps that happen here, because if you if you lie, if you leave it up to your thoughts to do that for you, it's just not going to happen. So we just start where did you get ahead of it? We need to be more proactive and retraining our brains and retraining our thoughts so we can really get ourselves more for sex. Now, getting out of our head. The first thing is do you ever do any meditation or mindfulness work or anything like that?

00:27:57
Speaker 1: No, but teach me. I watch a lot of friends. Is that mind work?

00:28:01
Speaker 5: It's like a little bit of distraction that's good, gets you out of your head, but then you're in someone else's head. Right, you know, here's simple tons of mass to say. Masturbation. That's important too. Meditation. One of my mantras, by the way, is meditate, masturbate, manifest. So the meditation thing is really just about being present. How do I be Because when you're when you're thinking, when you're in your head, you're usually worrying about something that can happen in the future or something that happened in the past. But I really want to train people is to stay in the moment, is to anchor yourself in the in the moment, and that would be like, okay right now when I find myself tripping, and I still like, don't get me wrong, I'm not like perfect during sex. I worry about things too, and this is my job. So what I do is I think about the five senses. Right, You've got sight, you've got sense, you've got taste, you've got hearing, you've got touch, And I think, what are the five that?

00:28:53
Speaker 1: What are the like?

00:28:54
Speaker 5: Okay, So if I'm thinking I'm tripping, I'm like, usually I just take a deep breath and like, okay, what am I hearing right now? I'm like okay, because when we breathe like a deep breath during sex, not just like a shallow breath. But if you do like a deep into my public floor breath and you do five of those, that's going to anchor you in the moment. So I'm like, I'm hearing my breath? What am I? And they're like what do I smell? And I always light the same candle when I have sex. I like this nice vanilla like candle. What am I hearing? Like I'm hearing their breath? Maybe I'm hearing my breath I'm touching them. What am I feeling? Okay, my hands are on their body. Oh my god, look at their body. It feels really good. And sometimes I can do that for a few minutes. What am I hearing? What am I smelling? What am I tasting? Like I'm tasting their lips. You are immediately present, and then in that moment you can start to think about breathing, what am I feeling like? What am I actually feeling in my body? Like, oh, okay, actually she feels good, like like if your head goes to I'm worried, like I'm not feeling anything. Okay, Well, how can you start to feel more? Like how can I send up moving a way that feels good? Like just just sort of And you can practice this during masturbation if you do masturbate. I hope you do, of course.

00:29:59
Speaker 1: Okay.

00:30:00
Speaker 5: Lube is important to I have a lube on every night stand, this luba during masturbation, Luba on the nights stand because we're worried, like, am I too dry? Am I too wet? Am I? Lubricant will keep you neutral, make sure that you are can actually feel what's going on in the moment, because I don't leaves a whole other thing. So being present in the moment, that's part of it. Being with partners, even if it's a one night stand and you're having fun, which is great, but it's like making sure that you're getting your like you are, I mean, just asking you for what you want, not faking it, like really like if you need oral sex or you want someone to slow down. I mean I think that a lot of times we're with partners who just kind of rush through things. So let them know that I wanted to take this a little bit slower. And I think affirmations are really helpful. And in fact, we're just posting this today on our Instagram, but I was just like, looking at this, it's the full moon, right. I love the full moon because there's like full moon rituals where you can just like think about what you want to release in the past and what you want to have in the next month or so. So I this is like my full These are affirmations for an earth during sex life, and I have these are my notes on my phone, and it's like I'm free to explore my sexuality and explore my desires. I am balancing sexy, I deserve pleasure and satisfaction. Pleasure finds me wherever I go. I'm endlessly grateful for my body that provides me with sexual pleasure. I am filled with love and sexual energy. I mean, if your thoughts are negative in telling you otherwise, if you have a daily ritual breeding affirmations, even if it's five of them, even if it's ten, you affirm, you meditate, you just kind of get yourself in the mindset like I am a sexy, smart, incredible woman. And it's a practice, and I think it also helps women being with women men that they feel safe with. Right we are not going to have Listen, no Volva owners have their best sex when they don't trust somebody when it's new, and it's that's why we fake it too sometimes like that I don't know this person, it's new. I want them to like me. So then it's also okay to slow it down, like we don't need to rush right into sex, maybe just for play for a while or making out like the more that I'm not one of these like wait, three dates, so you're permitted, Like, no, go have sex with someone the first night too. But I think if we're talking about pleasure and being more in your body and being less in your head. All these things matter again being with somebody you feel, you trust, that you feel safe with, even if it's been a few dates. Like is this a good person because it's your body you're giving to them, so we know this if they're not a good part like we kind of know. And when you're with someone who's safe and who's nurturing, and you're going to feel comfortable, more comfortable being yourself and acting and letting them know, like this is new for me. I haven't been with anyone in a while. Let's slow it down. Like the penis orders you're with and I hope you're going to be with in the future, are going to want to be incredible lovers to you. They want that. They don't want women, folks, they're Voda owners faking and they don't. Yeah, they want a great sex, but they most importantly want to see a woman in ecstasy and a woman having pleasure at their in their it's their hands, like on their dime, you know.

00:33:04
Speaker 1: Right of course. Yeah. I think I get into my head a lot. And you know, I think back to when I was in my twenties and I was like I just was like so into every part of my body, right, And it's crazy to me that in your twenties, or for me at least in my twenties, is when I felt like I was just I owned my sexuality so hardcore, and maybe there was a little bit of you know, liquid courage to my ownership. Cut to you know, thirty one years old, where I am now, and I'm questioning everything, like the thought like I feel like I'm going to be losing my virginity for the first time, like this not losing my virginity again, like I have forgotten to like how to have sex.

00:33:52
Speaker 5: Well, you know what, this makes sense because you're sober now, right, you were not soberer for so obviously you're summer now. You were drinking your twenties, and so I know, a lot of work, a lot with a lot of people who are have recently gotten sowhere of a lot of friends who got sober, and it's almost is like a rebirth. It almost is like a virginity because the reason why a lot of people drink, and you probably know this is because it's liquid courage. It's because we're so afraid to talk to that boy in high school or in college and then we're just drinking. Weally can't imagine having sex without alcohol, and so that's congratulations to you, Like that's huge that you stopped drinking first thing. And then now like just honor Like I have friends who got sober, and I remember when she first got sober, she would bring me on dates with her. She Emily, We just like I think I like this guy, but I'm mute, like I can't even I can't even use word, and she's the most she is the most outgoing person and it came back and now she's married as kids, but like at the time, she's like I don't even know how to who I am, you know, and you're probably going through some of that. So I just want to like like honor that and know that, like it's okay for you to share that too. And maybe we've been told like, oh, guys won't think that's sexy, and you still may be still associate as like La La, but this is like the hotter, better version of Lalla right now, who's being more mindful and respectful of yourself, And like what guy wouldn't want to be the one that's like helping you with your sexual I don't love the word virginity. We all use it, but like it's more of a like your sexual debut, I think is a much better way to part it. Like I love that, like this is your debut world, Like you're out of a bad relationship, you're sober, Like this is not this is more than like even our conversation, like who are you? Like look at I mean I would also recommend like and I recommend this to a lot of Volva owners is like look in the mirror, like when you're masturbating in your home and like walking around naked and like because someoney was a shamer on our bodies. And there's something called the exposure exercise where you're literally like in the mirror, you're naked. You're like looking at it, like what's going on between my legs? You're walking out yourself. Well like when we get or we get turned on, we put a vibrator there and everything, it's like you see like, oh my my laby has swells, my clitteriest swell like you just we're amazing creature. So the more you get to know who you are right now as a sexual being in this state, if you're life at thirty one, it's going to be a lot easier for you to be in the bedroom with someone because you're going to show up as she is part of you, like the kick ass, badass business woman talent that you are. It's also this sexual dynamo that you're starting to get to know, and we want to incorporate all those together. It's not like, now's the bedroom part. Now's the part where I go to dinner with them. It's like, you want to bring her with you everywhere? Does that make sense?

00:36:24
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, yes, I want to. I'm looking forward to getting into that headspace of just feeling myself again and getting out of my head and remembering you give a killer blow job. Blah lah, like you know how to do this. It's like riding a bike.

00:36:40
Speaker 5: It's like riding a bike, it really is.

00:36:42
Speaker 1: I know. And then then I go there and I'm like, well, if I got on a bike, what I even know remember how to ride one? Like it's like a rabbit hole for me, and I know that I'm not the only one going through this.

00:36:54
Speaker 5: So many people go through this, whether that's the first time, whether so many women, so many bubba ow, there's so many people are so worried that well, I'm with somebody who has more experience than I do. They're gonna be constantly, They're gonna be lying there thinking about all the other blowjobs as it come before. It's so not true. I never hear this people like, oh my girlfriendts was better than that. Like it's the the stories that we create our heads to keep us down. So here's the great news. Every time we are with a new lover, every time is my best tip for you is to pay attention and to be present with that penis, with that volva for whatever body parts you're with, because it's telling you something like you're gonna know if you're paying attention, is there you know, is your partner's breath quickening? Are they turned off? Like are they comfortable? Like someis I look at it? Partners, you can tell them they're like lay that, like, hey, you need a pillow, like making sure that they're comfortable. Go in and you want to like tease their light. You want to like have some massage lotion or some lube on the table and you're like, we know you like to be warmed up. I like to be warmed up.

00:37:54
Speaker 1: If I could be warmed up, yes, but.

00:37:56
Speaker 5: Like I believe that penis owners do too. Like I used to go right in and like start with the blow job. I'm like, no, I'm gonna like massage or inner thighs, I'm gonna tease a little, I'm gonna kiss them, I'm going to like slow it down. And then you just like start to lick and you start to like see like are they responding? Do they like this? You know? And you just you know, like it's just when you're really focused. And probably in the past you weren't as much because maybe you were drinking. It was more like in the moment you were more like just kind of doing what you've always done. But now you get to kind of learn with because every penis is going to want something different, every volva is gonna watch something different. Right, You're gonna.

00:38:30
Speaker 1: Know obviously there are people that maybe don't think they're great of sex, are nervous to have sex because it's been a while all over the board, Right, do you have like a go to move that you could be a rookie or you could be the baddest at what you're doing that is just like a go to move where it's like that's the game changer never saw a penis or vulva that didn't like this.

00:39:00
Speaker 5: Honestly, I would say it's lube. I would say that there is such a do you. I don't know if you use lube all the time, but there is such a bad rap lube gets because first of all, there was a study that you Indiana University, which is like the Kissian Institute, the leading place on sex in the country, in the world, and they showed that when you added a few drops of lube to any sexual situation, that BOVA owners were eighty percent more likely to orgasm. Like basically, so even if you're like, here's the thing about our wetness level is not an indicator of arousal. Like you could be wet and not turned on. You could be so turned on and that wet, or maybe you're wet the first five minutes and then you're not wet later. Just having a blube on your nights in like something beautiful like uber lub makes a really sexy bottle. It's a glass bottle or some flavored lube whatever, and you just put a few pumps on it. Penises love it when you're giving a handog or a blowdop, because sometimes I'm always worried, like is drive enough salva? What it I I'm always like, I will not masturbate. I will have any sex unless I like pump pumped the loube so to me and for penises too, it feels amazing. Like every guy I've been with is like like at first, there's all this like, oh it's weird and shapel because I didn't turn around enough, or why do you need lube? Right?

00:40:12
Speaker 1: It has a stigma that's exactly where my head goes. Like for me, I'm like, you start using lube when you're like older and things are not as wet down there. So even if your cookie gets super freaking wet, the lube is always a must, always a must.

00:40:32
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a start, it's a starter. It's like, even if it's a few drops, put it on his penis at first, just when you first start touching it, but use it. Put it a little bit inside of you because even if you're wet at the beginning, sometimes if sex schools a lot longer, right, we just don't stay as wet and that could cause terrors that could cause and if you're using condoms too, it just is a safe to put the lube over the condom.

00:40:53
Speaker 1: Wait, and what lube? What loube do you recommend?

00:40:55
Speaker 5: I love luber lube, you be er usually have it in my in my desk, and I love pure lube. PJ. You are like you want to get like the lube that you could like breathe the ingredients that are inside of it, because you're gonna be putting in your vagina. So like buying stuff at the drug store, I don't always recommend.

00:41:12
Speaker 1: Well, I have a rookie question, then I can lube, Like, if you put this on your partner, can their fun parts go in your mouth? After? Yeah?

00:41:20
Speaker 5: Get a flavor? Those two System Joe, Yes, with those they can. But System Joe makes the most delicious flavored lube. It's called System Joe. And you can find this all on my website. It's sex with them me dot com or google System Joe. But they like cremboulet mint chocolate. It's unbelievable, and.

00:41:37
Speaker 1: I just I'm gonna be like, forget the dick. I'm staying home all night exactly.

00:41:44
Speaker 5: I usually have it on my desk. I'm like, I'm just like eating it and Little Day like it's delicious, So use some flavored lube. But honestly that other loobs, they don't taste bad. Coconut oil woom wore play makes a really good one. It's called Wuo more Play. It's coconut oil and it has some it's not great with kinda, but it's a good massage lubricate and it's cocad oil and taseic cinnament like vanilla cinnamon. So I would say that that's a good thing. I would say making noise during sex is another important thing, like letting your partner know that you're into it.

00:42:13
Speaker 1: But if you're not into it, do you stay silent or do you tell them like, hey, can we like switch it up because this is not doing it for me? Because then you don't want to kill their heart on.

00:42:21
Speaker 5: I would just say, yeah, that's the thing. I would just like kind of pull back. That's the thing. It's like we think we keep going. I don't know about you, but I would start so many sexual situations and thinking like I can't stop them because I'm a bad lover. I'm leading them on. We can It's o kay to say, you know what, babe, let's take a beat for a minute, because they need reinforcement. Too, because if you stop in the middle, they're like, what I do and it's over because sex is so charged and we ever we talk about sex. The reason why my whole mission is communication is a lubrication is because whenever people talk about sex, we go into fight or flight. We think that something's wrong with us if our partner says we need to talk about our sex life, or like, oh shit, what I do wrong. So in the middle of sex, if you want to stop it and de escalate whatever's happening, just be like, put your hand on their heart and just say breathing is really important and say, oh, this is so hot. I'm getting really turned I just need a moment, like can we just take a beat, Can we go back to kissing? Okay, slow it down, I'm just seeing it some water, and then you can kind of like regroup and say I really like going slow or this is kind of going fast for me, or whatever it was that you were liking. Maybe you were like, like, I really like talking. Can we just go back to the talking part for a minute.

00:43:30
Speaker 1: Okay, it's the way.

00:43:32
Speaker 5: It's our tone, talking about our words, write tone and look into the eye and using your hands and say this is great. I don't want you to like freak out. I've just seen them beat. I'm getting back in sex shape like and whatever. It is right, but we don't own anything. I think we were told like, oh, don't leave them with blue balls, like growing up, Like it's all bullshit. Everyone's gonna be fine if they don't come, like if they have an direction and we walk away, like, no one's gonna die, Like why do they tell us that?

00:43:57
Speaker 1: I know? I know it's all about, like I don't leave him with blue balls.

00:44:01
Speaker 5: He's going to be fine. No one's showing up the hospital blue balls. There was Dick's falling off because blueballs.

00:44:06
Speaker 1: Now I have a question that I'm super concerned about. I am worried that when I decide to go and have sex again that I could possibly cry because when you're feeling so much emotion, the only way I know how to process a lot of emotion is sobbing. Okay, if that happens, Yeah, what do you like do I need? I mean, I'm not saying it will. I think there's a high chance that it could. And this guy that I'm talking to, who I do feel safe with, Okay, I'm like, I'm definitely gonna fuck him for the first one because I'm like, if I cry, like he'll hug me after, right, Like I know that, but like do women cry if they haven't had sex for a cry? I do, so that's like a normal thing.

00:44:56
Speaker 5: Yes, I did have sex for a while and have a boyfriend for it. I was like, I cry the time, and the guys that I'm with are fucking down. They're like, that's so hot, You're so into it. Like I don't want to be the guy. I don't. I'm not afraid of catching feels anymore. I'm not trying to be the cool girl. I spent my whole life trying to be the cool girl and trying to be whatever, and like, I'm not interested in that. That is to get you anywhere. I don't play games. If I have an emotion, I better be with someone who can handle emotions. Doesn't mean that I'm crying because I'm so in love with you. You can inform them that I tend to be crying, that they're going through a lot because sex listen, sex is so connected to so many things, like pleasure and pain are so closely related, which is why like people like BDSM or spanking like it's pleasure and its pain. Sex is like stimulating all of these nerve endings and all these emotions come up. It's all related, which is why we can cry after during and usually I'm just feeling like I'm so what I think when I cry during sex, I'm like so happy to be feeling again and to be in my body again and to be feeling deep pleasure that it gives me so much joy and it's not necessary, and usually it's not about the person I'm with. It's like, oh my god, and we welcome back to yourself, welcome back to sex, welcome back to like feeling so good. So I think it's a great litmus test. You want to be with someone who knows how to handle that. Again, that's such a you thing, Like that's so beautiful. I think it's beautiful when a woman emotes, and that older, older version of us or the younger version of us is like, oh my god, he's gonna run. Like I always say if a guy leaves you because it's something weird, or you make a weird noise in the bedroom, or you cry like he just did you a favor.

00:46:29
Speaker 1: Right like goodbye, right bye, not your guy, not your guy. Yeah, Like it would be that feeling, like a very euphoric feeling if I start crying. It has nothing to do with like me being upset or think about anything other than, oh my gosh, like I'm so reconnected to myself in a way that I haven't been connected in a while.

00:46:48
Speaker 5: That's a great thing to say to me when you can use that too, you know, And all these hormones that are released, like listen, when we have sex and you probably have it, done it, you have it in a while. We release oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, all those feel good hormones which relate to happiness, to joy, to like optitosin is a cuddle hormone. And so we react to these changes by tearing up, by thinking how we act like we have all these hormones also like once a month when we're menstruating, So it's kind of the same thing with their all being activated at once. So you know, some people get really hungry after sex, they fall asleep after sex. Ite's all related to the hormone surge.

00:47:25
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, You've just spit so much knowledge on me, and I'm going to go out there and give them my best bang.

00:47:31
Speaker 5: So you can also text it can realize my number two. I'm like, I got you girl.

00:47:35
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm definitely going to do that. And where where can people that live under a rock who have just come out find you?

00:47:42
Speaker 5: The podcast and everything is sex with Emily. You can find it on all podcast platforms where ever you listen to podcasts, and all social media. It's just sex with Emily. And if you've a question, if this sparked interest, you can just the best way to do it is feedback. It's sex with Emily dot com.

00:47:56
Speaker 1: Okay, You've been amazing. I know, like this is the first time that I've really own opened up about not having sex in a while and being very nervous about like venturing into that territory again. And I couldn't think of a better person to open up too than you. Thank you so much, of course, thank you for having me on.

00:48:14
Speaker 5: And I wanted to thank you for being so vulnerable to your audience right now, because this is going to be so helpful. Like I didn't know that you hadn't talked about it before, but there's so many people that are in the exact position that you are, and that by you being such a leader and they're listening to you and your advice, so it's so brave and it's going to really provide a great service to your followers.

00:48:33
Speaker 1: So I appreciate you so much and you will be hearing from me.

00:48:38
Speaker 5: I got you. Well, we're all this together, you know.

00:48:40
Speaker 1: Thank you. You're amazing, Emily, we'll talk soon.

00:48:42
Speaker 5: Best guest.

00:48:43
Speaker 1: Thanks, I mean