148 | Reverse Pandora's Box: Understanding Progress and Regression in Child-Centered Play Therapy

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered Play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode, we are moving on to a new section.

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So we wrapped up the filial section

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and we are now moving into more advanced things to consider

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in the playroom.

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So this is going to be a pretty broad category,

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but it will allow us to dive into

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all kinds of different considerations

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when we are playing with kids.

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When we're looking at presenting problems, when we're looking at diagnoses,

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when we're looking at background of the child,

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when we're looking at things that are taking place in the playroom in real time,

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it'll just give us a really broad category in which

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we can kind of dive into more advanced discussion topics

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and let me unpack the why here, you know, how much I love that. So

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I think it's really important for us as child-centered play therapists

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to see the value and understand the importance

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of being able to handle anything

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that goes with child-centered play therapy.

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So, do we need the clinical skills? Yes, of course.

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Do we need to be knowledgeable and have the training and the education

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and feel that

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from a theoretical standpoint,

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we are very grounded and very informed

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and we know how to handle things clinically with skills.

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100%. That's why this podcast exists. That's why the coaching programs exist.

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However, it goes so much far beyond that.

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And this is actually something I've been sharing with all of the

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play therapy professional, certified participants. Lately.

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There are so many other things that are involved in being a

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child-centered play therapist that you're never going to get in a classroom,

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you're never going to get in curriculum

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and you're never going to get if you focus on skills alone.

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So this category

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where we're kind of moving into advanced discussion topics,

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all relate to being a child-centered play therapist

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are all applicable for the things that we're going to face

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as we do this as a career.

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And we have to remember that we wear lots of hats

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as a child-centered play therapist.

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We wear even more hats if we're a private practitioner.

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But no matter in what environment you practice

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as a child centered play therapist,

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you are required to wear lots of hats and have lots of different jobs.

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So these are the types of things that you need to be knowledgeable about, aware of

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and equipped to handle

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and so those are the kinds of topics that we're going to dive into in this next round

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before I get into that though. A couple of housekeeping things,

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first and foremost, if you haven't yet go to playtherapynow.com

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and you can sign up for my newsletter,

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you can look at training opportunities and you can see everything that

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is going on in

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the world of child-centered play therapy that we are organizing

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at playtherapynow.com

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also,

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if you were not able to attend the CEU trainings that I've conducted with

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CoreWell,

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they have pre-recorded options on their site permanently.

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So once I do a live recording,

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it becomes a pre-recorded option. That is evergreen.

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So if you are in need of CEUs and you were not able to attend

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the live coaching,

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you can absolutely go and it's cheaper to do the pre-recorded

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option and you'll still get the same number of CEUs.

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So as I add more trainings with them, you'll have more options.

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But right now, there are two CEU courses

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that you can get and you'll be able to have those as non contact or non live CEUs.

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So I just wanted to make you aware of that.

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So if you're interested in that, go to 

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childcenteredtraining.com

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and you can access

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the trainings through that website,

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that's kind of a forwarding website if you will,

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but it's through CoreWell, so you can also go to CoreWell's

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website to find those as well.

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All right. So

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here's the topic that I want to start with

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Reverse Pandora's Box.

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And I love the concept of this. And I think that this is so helpful in guiding our work

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and helping us understand what goes on

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for a child and for parents

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and what this looks like,

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practically speaking for us as we're working with children.

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So think about

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Pandora's Box as its original story

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and the concept that once the box was opened,

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it released, all of these things that they didn't expect and they didn't want,

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but they couldn't shove them all back in the box, right?

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So it's almost like uh be careful what you wish for kind of thing

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because once the box was opened,

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everything was never able to be pushed back in and sealed.

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So almost too little, too late, it's already out there and it can't be undone.

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Ok. So if we understand that as that mythological story,

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then it's very important for us to understand that the reverse is true

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in child-centered play therapy.

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And I tell this story to parents

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as we're looking at termination and we're talking through

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the final stages and phases of treatment with a child because this is

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what inevitably will happen from the parent side and from the child's side.

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And sometimes from our side,

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if the child shows regressive behavior in the playroom

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or at home.

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So something that we haven't seen them do in a very long time,

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we have not

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seen aggression, we have not seen a certain type of play thematically.

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We've not seen big tantrums or meltdowns at home or at school.

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If

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at any point,

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any of that type of issue reemerges,

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the parent starts to get really worried.

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Sometimes we as the therapist can get really worried

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and the child is kind of revisiting some old themes

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and some old play and some old default behaviors.

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So what we know is that reverse Pandora's box is true.

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So once a child goes through the child-centered play therapy process,

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once they've learned new coping skills,

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once they've developed new resilience,

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once they have understood that they have new tools and new skills,

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they have a different emotional vocabulary,

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they can self regulate better than they used to.

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They communicate their needs in more effective ways,

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they behave in more self enhancing ways

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when all of these things have been gained.

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And that's not only individual work that every child goes through,

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but then there are the four universal outcomes

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which are what by the way?

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Yes, I believe in you. I'm sure all of you yelled them out to me.

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So we have increased worldview,

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we have increased regulation,

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we have increased emotional vocabulary

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and we have increased self esteem.

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So you swirl all of that together the universal outcomes,

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all of the individual things that a child has gained.

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What we know a child masters in the child-centered playroom.

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So, self-confidence and self regulation, self control,

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vocabulary, all of these things,

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not to mention coping and resilience and

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problem solving and trusting themselves. And the list goes on and on. Right.

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They can't unlearn those things.

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They can't undo those things.

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They can't pretend that

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they didn't acquire them and that they don't exist.

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So reverse Pandora's box implies that

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once

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they have learned acquired developed

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grown, changed, healed all of those things,

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even if we see

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regression, even if we see an uptick in earlier struggles, behaviors,

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presenting issues, whatever,

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it does not mean that we're starting back at square one.

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And this is often one of a parent's greatest fears

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is they have to keep coming to therapy.

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You become the crutch, you become the security blanket,

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you become the way that they ensure

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that quote, I can't go back to where we were before, end quote.

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And the lovely response that we can give is that's not even possible.

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You'll never go back to where you were before

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because of all the things your child has learned

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and acquired and

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they can never unlearn and un aquire those things.

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So do we sometimes see

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that they default back to earlier patterns? Sure.

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Do we sometimes see a little uptick in behaviors we hadn't seen in a while?

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Of course, that doesn't mean that we're back sliding.

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It doesn't mean that we're regressing.

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It doesn't mean we're going back to ground zero.

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Here's what typically is happening,

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a child revisits old patterns of behavior

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because they want to see what it feels like.

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This used to serve me. This used to meet my needs. This used to be a means to an end.

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This used to be the only way that I knew how to handle things.

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It was my default.

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So let me default back to this

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and just see what it's like. And if it still is the same as it used to

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and what they find very, very quickly

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is

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this doesn't do what it used to do for me.

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I have better coping now.

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I have new tools. I handle things differently now, I don't react that way anymore.

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I self control

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more than I was able to before.

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So they kind of go back,

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see what it's like and then they very quickly climb out of that.

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So sometimes it can be scary for us too or not necessarily scary,

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but we can be a little bit alarmed or surprised or concerned

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where we're going. Oh my word. Why are we back to this again?

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Why is he doing this again? Why are they having issues at school again?

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Why is he freaking out at home? What did something? Did this not work?

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Does this mean that we're backsliding?

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We can start to question the whole thing.

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But what we need to remember is this is very normal. It's very common.

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And if we can reassure parents

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that

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when kids revisit old behaviors and old patterns,

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they realize that they don't need to do those things anymore

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because they are equipped in different ways.

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So when we watch that shift back and forth,

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it's usually very short lived

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and

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it's reverse Pandora's Box,

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they can't forget all the things that they have figured out.

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So

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we have to trust the process. As always, we have to trust the child.

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As always, we have to help the parent feel reassured

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and that they can trust and believe that everything is still

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just as good as it was before we saw the regressive type of behavior

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because in the grand scheme of things, what the child is doing

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is testing out

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if what their old

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patterns were

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are going to be worth preserving.

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And the answer is no,

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they only used that before because they didn't have alternatives,

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but they have alternatives now.

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So once they realize it no longer functions, the way that it used to,

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they're able to move on from it

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and that is their checks and balances,

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they go back, they see what it's like, they realize they don't want it

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and they're able to move on.

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And that's when you know that the child has

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truly integrated all of their new skills and tools

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and awareness

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because once they've proven that they don't need it anymore,

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they typically don't keep going back to revisit it,

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but they have to at least to make sure that they can

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close that chapter out because remember kids never choose to stay stuck.

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So if a child is behaving in self defeating ways and is coping maladaptive,

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we know that they don't want to.

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So when they revert back to those behaviors, it's not because they want to be there,

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it's because they're just checking in so that they can let it go.

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And that's the concept of reverse Pandora's Box. So

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I hope that's helpful. I hope that that gives you some language to use with parents.

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And as you're talking about termination and wrapping up and or

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if parents see regressive behavior and it's concerning to them,

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help them understand the idea

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that a child will never start over where they were before. It's impossible.

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So hope that, that encourages you. Hope that that's helpful.

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If you want to reach out to me, I'd love to hear from you,

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brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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You can also call the call in line if you wanna leave a message

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and I can answer your question that way. 813-812-5525. Super grateful for you all.

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I started my new

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Play Therapy Professional Certified Groups today.

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So 12 new participants in this round of training

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and it was just so exciting to see the passion and

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the drive and the investment

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and what an incredible journey this is going to be for them.

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I'm actually gonna be wrapping up with one of my

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year long coaching groups in about eight weeks or so.

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So.

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Oh my gosh,

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so many exciting things happening in the world of child-centered play therapy.

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And you all actually, this is a related aside,

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but I want you all to know how much I appreciate you,

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Eric and I were talking on the way to dinner today

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and I was talking about

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just kind of my realization of how everything has changed in the last few years.

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And the way my career has pivoted and

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just,

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I was just really celebrating and really grateful and

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appreciative for all of the things that have happened.

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And really a lot of them unexpected and huge surprises for me,

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but such pleasant surprises.

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So we were just kind of dialoguing about that.

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And

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I don't know how many of you all know this, but I have a cloud tattoo on my wrist

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and it's from a verse in I Kings where

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the servant keeps going to look for a cloud because

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they've been in a drought and there's no rain.

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And so he keeps sending his servant to check to see if

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there's rain coming and he keeps coming back and saying no,

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but on the seventh visit to the mountain, he comes back and says

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it's the size of a man's hand. But there is a cloud.

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And so the concept of that and why I got that tattooed on my wrist

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is that sometimes we don't see what's coming and we don't know what's in store.

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We can't anticipate the future,

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but we can trust that there is a cloud and even

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when there's no evidence of the things that we need,

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it's usually on its way.

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And, you know, my belief is that, that's God's Providence in our lives.

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But I just, I wanted to represent that on,

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on my wrist as a tattoo so that I saw it every day

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Anyway. So we were talking about my tattoo and there is a cloud

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and how my career has changed in the last couple of years and

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being able to connect with therapists and, and you all around the world

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and all of you who have

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overwhelmed me with requests for coaching and training and supervision. And

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oh my gosh,

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the Collective was birthed out of this and

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the coaching programs were birthed out of this.

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And so,

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Eric and I were just kind of weighing all that and tossing all that around and he said,

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don't ever lose sight of your podcast audience

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because they're where it all began.

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And I'm sure you hear my emotion, but I want you to know

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that none of what I do

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would be part of my life without you all.

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So

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I hope you truly know when I say I'm grateful for you. And I say it all the time.

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I know you're probably sick of it, but

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it is the most truthful, honest, genuine, true,

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deep

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felt thing that I could say to you,

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you all are the start of all of this. For me,

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you supporting this podcast and loving this podcast

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and listening to this podcast,

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some of you have binge listened to every single episode in like a six week period,

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which I, I can't even believe that you could do that.

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Some of you listen to me on like 1.75 speed so

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that you can listen to three or four at a time.

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And

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I the stories you tell me about how invested you are and how much this

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has meant to you and how much you've learned from it and gained from it and

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the support you've given me the encouragement,

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you've sent me the emails and the reaching out and the touching base and

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the flowers and the gifts that you sent me on my birthday. I mean,

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I really can't tell you

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what that has meant for me and my career. And so

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I just wanted to say a huge thank you to you, Eric said, don't ever lose sight of

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your podcast audience being the start of all of this.

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And it's true and I wanted you to hear me say that. So

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I'm super grateful

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and I really mean that and I can't do what I do without each and every one of you.

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Thank you for recommending this podcast to your

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friends and to your coworkers and your colleagues.

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And

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gosh, it's,

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it's incredible and the impact and the reach that this has is

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so much bigger than what I thought it would ever be.

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And it just brings me back to,

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there is a cloud, right? So anyway, I love you all so much.

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Thank you and I hope you truly feel

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the depth of my gratitude because it's very, very real to me. Talk to you soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr

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Brenna Hicks. For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.