211 | Setting Clear Expectations: How to Get Parents to Commit to Weekly Sessions

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered Play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode. I'm answering a question from Sarah in Missouri

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and her question is about encouraging parents to schedule weekly sessions

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and the importance and the considerations of having consistency in

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having children at the center or at your location so

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that you can actually do play therapy with them.

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And so I'm going to read parts of her email

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and then we'll dive in to talk about this together.

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I am a newer play therapist with the history

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in school counseling while, you are in good company

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Sarah, so many people are in that exact same scenario.

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I'm loving the clinical side and I've learned so much from your podcast.

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I'm wondering how to encourage parents to schedule weekly sessions

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and how to explain the benefit of weekly sessions

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versus every other or even every third week.

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I have some clients who have started with every other week

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and sometimes miss up to four or six weeks between sessions.

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Yikes,

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I always suggest first that parents schedule weekly,

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but then having parents commit to that is sometimes difficult,

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especially as I am private pay.

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And I recognize that therapy can be expensive.

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I'm noticing some parents frustrated that there is not a lot of growth.

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But then I wonder if there's a

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correlation between frequency of sessions and growth.

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I assume there is yes, 100%.

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Do you have any advice you can offer on how to address this with parents?

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Thank you so much for all you do. I love the podcast.

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All right, Sarah. Well, hello to my Missourians.

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I don't know.

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I really,

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I'm gonna look up a list of what every state resident calls

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themselves because I feel like I botch them all the time.

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So sorry to all of you in Missouri, whatever you call yourselves. Hello?

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All right. So Sarah, let's start with the, the clear notion out of the gate.

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This is all about an expectation

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and setting clear expectations from the start.

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So, in your initial parent consultation

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and for those of you that are not

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familiar with the initial parent consultation process,

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go back and listen to some earlier podcast. Number one. But number two,

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if you are not having an in person, hour long, initial parent consult, you should be

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and I don't have time. That would be a whole other podcast episode, but

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you need to make sure that you are setting aside time in person,

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face to face for an hour to walk parents through

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this process because this is what happens if we don't,

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the expectations have to be so clearly set

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and it's so clearly made known what's going to happen moving forward if

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the parents decide that they want to pursue CCPT with you.

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So we have to absolutely articulate

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why we're going to do what we do.

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And the the most helpful way to express that and communicate that to parents

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is you use words like

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the process

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or our system

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or the expectations are

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our words matter.

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We know that even in the way that we communicate with children, right?

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It's a whole other language. CCPT we don't willy nilly say random things.

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We're very intentional with our words,

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very exact same principle with parents.

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We're very intentional with our word choice. Why?

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Because the interpretation of what we say matters.

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So when I sit down with a parent, I say

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so our process here is

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why do I say that?

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Because it's very clear that they are expected to follow the process.

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So our process at the center is same time, same day each week.

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Notice that that is another intentional phrase, same time, same day each week.

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And then I usually throw out an example just to really

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make it clear

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seven plus or minus two times, right?

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Parents and anyone in the world they need to hear things

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seven plus or minus two times for it to sink in.

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So as much as you can illustrate, do so.

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So our process here is same time, same day each week.

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So for example, if your child's appointment is Monday at four,

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that will be your spot for the duration of

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treatment every week.

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OK. So now I've given them a specific example,

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I've given them a specific phrase and I've given them the knowledge that there

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is a process and they will be expected to adhere to the process.

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This is articulation,

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this is communication. We talk about this in the coaching groups all the time

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because if parents don't feel that you are following a system,

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they will expect you to bend to their whims, not the other way around.

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And this isn't even really about them bending to us. This is about best practice.

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We know

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that CCPT is most effective if we have weekly sessions.

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So Sarah, you alluded to that,

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I assume that there's a correlation between frequency and sessions and growth.

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Of course, there is.

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So if a child is not coming every week,

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then we know that it's going to affect growth and change and the pace

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and the phases and the stages and everything, there's a ripple effect

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when kids are not there weekly.

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So we absolutely have to make it clear that that is what's going to happen. Now, as

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uh another possibility for you,

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we use a software that allows us to put in a repeating

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booking. In other words, if Mondays at four is that child's appointment,

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we put that in

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and

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we click repeat every week.

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That also makes it very clear to a parent

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that that is their time slot and it is a weekly appointment

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because every week they get a text that says just a reminder,

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you have an appointment tomorrow on Monday at four.

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Ok. So now they know that is their time slot because you've booked it as a repeating

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session. Now, I don't know what your scenario is. As a private practitioner. Sarah,

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you can still do that. Even if you're using a different scheduling software,

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make the appointment repeating

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and

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they see that you do that, they see that you block that time off.

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And that's another thing that we will often say is,

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and this spot is reserved specifically for your child.

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So we'll never put another child in that spot.

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Then it's very clear. This is yours

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and it's weekly and the expectation is that you will be here.

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I heard you mention in your email that some have started every other week

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as much as possible. Never accept that as an option

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don't offer it, don't agree to it.

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There's no concession there. If a child starts every other week,

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the entire first stage and phase is difficult.

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When you're doing warm up and initiation, you're building rapport,

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you're building momentum, you're building a bond the trust, the connection,

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all of it.

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Imagine

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that typically takes on average five sessions you meet every other week.

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That's 2.5 months

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before you're even out of the first phase and stage what parent is going

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to give you 2.5 months before you even have a connection with their kid.

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And anything meaningful can happen.

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You're 2.5 months in and then resistance hits

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Katie Bar the door.

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Bad news bears, because not only have they

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not seen really anything tangible in 2.5 months,

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which is an eternity for a parent that's

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in crisis over behavior or emotions or getting kicked

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out of school or whatever the scenario is

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why they're pursuing therapy in the first place.

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So you're 2.5 months in nothing meaningful has been observed in

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the way of positive change and then things get worse.

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What do you think happens?

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They yank their kid, right.

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I'm sure you all just yelled that. So

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we recognize the need for weekly sessions because that's the

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only way we get the train rolling down the tracks.

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So we do not at our center, we do not allow a parent to start every other week,

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even if they say that it's for financial reasons, which by the way,

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also related aside,

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there is always a different reason. It is never about money.

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So do not accept the notion that it's a financial reason.

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That's what they say that it is, but it's never about that.

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And I could give you 174 stories

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about how I've proven that to be true in the course of my work with families.

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It's never about money. Don't accept that as an excuse.

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If this matters, they'll make it happen.

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If it matters, it will become a priority and if it matters,

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they'll put it on a credit card if they have to.

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So

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it is never about money

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and

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they have to come at least three times weekly.

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And ideally five before we even talk about

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moving to biweekly appointments,

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that is an expectation at our center. And again,

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our system, our process, our expectations are

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we use those words very intentionally with parents.

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So that's a second thought I wanted to share. And then finally,

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you have to understand that

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when we're looking at

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people missing 4 to 6 weeks between sessions, they're not prioritizing it,

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which makes me then question,

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what are they not bought in?

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What are they missing? Where, where is there? No responsibility and ownership.

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So I think this goes back to articulation.

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If they didn't really fully invest and get bought in,

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then they're not really going to take this seriously.

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And the only way you do that is be very clear with your

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template and your script for the first time that you meet with parents.

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And here's a way that you can, here's my final thought.

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So that you have a work around for a parent that is resistant to weekly sessions.

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You tell them that they're only committing to five at a time.

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In other words,

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we're going to start,

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I'm going to see your kid five times and then we're going

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to meet and we'll decide what we want to do after that.

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So we're gonna do five. I'll schedule another parent consultation with you

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and we'll evaluate progress and we'll evaluate change

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and we'll see if we feel that it's

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ok to go to biweekly at that time or if we need some more weekly sessions.

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But here's the thing.

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If you break it down into chunks, it's more palatable for a parent

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and that will give you those five consecutive weeks in a row

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and then you meet and if they say

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we either have to stop

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or we have to go biweekly,

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then at that point, you've had five under your belt, it may be ok to switch.

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Still not ideal

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but, and that then articulation becomes

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ok,

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please recognize it will not necessarily mean that the child needs more sessions

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if we pace them out,

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but it is going to take twice as long.

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So in other words,

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if your child's going to need 35 sessions to work through all of their stuff,

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if we go biweekly,

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it's not going to mean that your child's going

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to need 50 sessions to work through their stuff,

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they'll still probably need about 35 sessions,

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but it's going to take 70 weeks

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to get through 35 sessions.

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You have to help them understand what this looks like. Practically speaking.

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This isn't just, oh, we'll go every other week.

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You're going to double the length of time before we're done.

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Are they willing to commit to 70 weeks of therapy?

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Granted, it's only 35 sessions, but it's 70 weeks.

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That's a year and a quarter.

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Are, are we really going to invest in that long of a commitment

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if we go biweekly,

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these are the types of communication and articulation conversations

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that need to take place in your PCs.

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So Sarah, thank you so much for the question.

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I hope that that is helpful for all of you.

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Keeping people involved, keeping them invested, keeping them engaged,

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making sure that they understand the value of this and the importance of this.

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It is a daily struggle.

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So we need to be really

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intentional and purposeful about how we're going to talk about these things,

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what we're going to say, et

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cetera so that they really truly understand

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and

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you have to keep in mind, they don't have the clinical knowledge that we have.

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So they rely on us and they trust us

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to tell them what they need to know

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and sometimes they need to know that it does not make sense for you to go biweekly.

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And here are the reasons why

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and then sometimes it's ok. We have momentum.

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Now, we're in the work phase,

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we can switch to biweekly sessions,

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but those are clinical judgment calls that you need to

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make and they rely on you to make those.

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So don't be timid or hesitant to have those conversations, they're necessary

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and they really advocate for the child and that's always our goal.

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All right, y'all love you. We'll talk again soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr

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Brenna Hicks. For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.