Dating Women of My Caliber

00:00:09
Speaker 1: What's up, y'all. Welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, Sweetie, and today we are talking about dating women of my caliber.

00:00:17
Speaker 2: Y'all.

00:00:18
Speaker 1: This right here is something I've been struggling with, especially as I continue to ascend, finding the right man that is secure enough, that.

00:00:30
Speaker 2: Is ready to date.

00:00:32
Speaker 1: A woman like me, that is ready to date a woman in the industry. It's so many different obstacles that I have to go through to find a mate, and I just feel like I'm in a place in my life where dating is getting harder and harder. Every guy that I date, either they start off really good and then they see how I'm living and like, oh, I can't do this, or I can't keep up.

00:00:56
Speaker 2: I can't do that.

00:00:57
Speaker 1: So I'm always talking about relationship ships to my good friends SI Si SI. Here with me. We had a very candid conversations about relationships. So side, yes, you've seen me. First of all, let's go back back in the time. Was it like twenty twelve, twenty thirteen we collaborated on.

00:01:21
Speaker 2: The song together.

00:01:21
Speaker 1: Correct, that was a black history one of your black history Yeah?

00:01:24
Speaker 3: I think it was black history too. Yeah, Yeah, that was everybody's favorite one. No, it was Black History, one was Everybody.

00:01:30
Speaker 2: So that was the one you was on.

00:01:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so I was on that one did really really well. Yes, that's a backstory how we actually met. I knew you when you were working with Boo like a long time ago, and then you've done things from writing for Kanye to who have tell me what.

00:01:47
Speaker 2: You what you do?

00:01:48
Speaker 3: You know, I've written Travis Scott, Kanye's, we worked with Drake's to the you know, the high echelon of people.

00:01:57
Speaker 2: But you know, be humble. I love it.

00:02:02
Speaker 1: You are a very of a person, but you are so talented. I feel like you are one of the most underrated artists of our time, one of the most prolific writers. Like the way you write spit like it's it's insane. No, you really are like got it seriously, and I hope that you like continue to put music out bless us because we miss it.

00:02:29
Speaker 2: You album's coming soon.

00:02:31
Speaker 1: There you go, we got here, We got the officials perfect.

00:02:35
Speaker 2: We need it that.

00:02:35
Speaker 1: Let's just have a very candid conversation about how this dating life.

00:02:40
Speaker 3: Is well, I think, well, pertainity to yourself. I would say, you know, it's it's difficult for people that grew up similar to you, like myself, both parents raised with certain values, seeing what love really looks like, seeing what family looks like in a world where a lot of people don't grow up that way. So it's almost a teaching It's almost like I would say it like this, you're more like Harriet Tubman and you come back.

00:03:15
Speaker 2: You're not gonna just say I'm only gonna save the women here. Okay, you may have to save a man here as well.

00:03:23
Speaker 3: You can't demasculate him if he's at home watching the kids and you're at work, you know what I mean. You have to be able to pour that same energy. Oh, you want to start a business like most men will ask the girl you want to start a business?

00:03:36
Speaker 2: You know what I mean? And I think that's where we.

00:03:41
Speaker 3: Society has said, man, a man should approach a woman like a woman like you should approach a man. But you gotta think like you, you know, be judicious about it. Don't just be out approaching guys.

00:03:56
Speaker 2: But you know what I mean. But if you see someone you like, you have.

00:04:00
Speaker 3: A great conversation to be able to hold the conversation with him and let him know metaphorically that I think you're attractive, yeah, you know what I mean, versus like standing off and just laying on him to gain the confidence to.

00:04:14
Speaker 2: Like walk up to you. You know what.

00:04:16
Speaker 1: That's why I'm still single, because I'm waiting on him to come to meet. They don't approach me.

00:04:21
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.

00:04:23
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's funny because a lot of the women that I know that are in successful marriages or relationships ended up shooting their shot first, and I'm like, oh you He's like, yeah, she shot her shot to me, and here we are some years later, and I'm like, okay, so yeah, we've been taught not to approach men. You've been taught that a man finds a wife, so it's like you don't go searching for him, he comes to find you. And a lot of times I feel like we miss out our blessing, we misinterpret the word when it comes to that.

00:04:52
Speaker 2: It's just so true.

00:04:53
Speaker 3: Yeah, because like I said, you know, I wantn't say the beneficiary, but you're in a great advantageous situation where you have a great job, great career, great family, great upbringing, where you have an abundance, and sometimes you have to do philanthropy with men and figure out who's a good foundation to donate this this life.

00:05:22
Speaker 2: Too, you know what I'm saying, And.

00:05:25
Speaker 1: Set said you a rapper even when you're talking, Oh, you know, it's just you know, my addiction is you know, I worked out.

00:05:33
Speaker 3: I couldn't read that well in high school, but hip hop would do healthy. So don't ever think that hip hop is not a you know, a learning tool. But I think that's the biggest thing. It's just you finding in ladies. It's only one of me, okay, so.

00:05:52
Speaker 2: One of me.

00:05:52
Speaker 3: So don't think you're just gonna go around and get this type of you know, you know, this education, this relationship education from anyone.

00:06:00
Speaker 2: This is just me.

00:06:01
Speaker 1: But uh, did you break that line?

00:06:06
Speaker 2: It's a thousand the only one of metem, you know what I'm saying. But I think that's what it is.

00:06:17
Speaker 3: It's a it's a and you know, in our community, I remember back in the day you had to date who you were compatible with in your neighborhood. Now everybody has access to the world.

00:06:32
Speaker 4: I was just saying, without working, to be able to go and see what was in France, you had to be able to afford a flight to get there, get there, enjoy yourself versus everybody can go to Saint Bart's with you because all you gotta do is go live.

00:06:53
Speaker 2: I don't have to go to Saint Bars Crystal went. I just went out was there too.

00:07:02
Speaker 3: So a lot of those things are like I was blocking those experiences with.

00:07:08
Speaker 2: The man with someone else.

00:07:10
Speaker 1: So wow, that's real. I was just talking to a guy about that, about the over exposure and the endless possibilities and like people that you can talk to like as soon as your person message, like say friends, we were dating and then like you wasn't acting right, It's like, oh I got somebody my DM right now. It's like so easier place. It's like it leaves no room to really like work for things anymore, like you were saying, And that's so true because I feel like we live in such a time where everything is at our fingertails, and at least like when we were growing up, like we didn't have that, there was no social media. We used to write letters to people like love notes, you know, yo. I used to write literally four page letters to my little boyfriend when I was in high school. And there's that's a lost art, I feel like, because love is an ard in itself, and I feel like that we've lost that.

00:08:04
Speaker 2: But do you know why you felt like that about him? Because he was actually your friend.

00:08:11
Speaker 3: Y'all playing on the playground, y'all going to school, y'all run to school, but you don't know that you're attracted to him, and he don't know you try to y'all just growing up together. A lot of times, that's how relationship should be.

00:08:24
Speaker 2: I said that y'all should go to the playground together, y'all should do things together.

00:08:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you meet somebody, you had to come get their approval from from your family.

00:08:33
Speaker 2: You know.

00:08:33
Speaker 1: It wasn't like I can't bring you around my people.

00:08:36
Speaker 2: Like you get what I'm saying.

00:08:37
Speaker 1: You really get to know the person, become their friend.

00:08:39
Speaker 2: I always say that.

00:08:40
Speaker 3: But even deeper into approval, it's almost, uh, you almost get a lifetime past.

00:08:49
Speaker 2: You don't need the approval.

00:08:51
Speaker 3: See, approval is some If you're inviting the stranger over and he's saying, Mom, if your mom already knew this guy as your friend, and y'all just happen to get together, there's no question about it.

00:09:03
Speaker 2: There's no question.

00:09:04
Speaker 1: Like they're already comfortable, they know you're a good person. It's like, oh, that's from down the street, karen Son.

00:09:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's totally different.

00:09:12
Speaker 3: So sometime you gotta throw them in the water, bring them to environments whereas other women bring them to, you.

00:09:18
Speaker 2: Know, places that he's never been. Just see how he reacts. And you can't look at it like, man, you know, I shouldn't have wasted no money on you. It's like, what you're gonna do it anyway?

00:09:28
Speaker 3: Buy another bracelet you know what I'm saying, Buy me a ticket, bro let me go with y'all, like, and then you will see, like, oh, can this guy you know interact with you know, the rim of people I'm around?

00:09:43
Speaker 2: Does he know how to handle itself? Is he drinking too much out here on this trip?

00:09:47
Speaker 1: Like?

00:09:47
Speaker 3: You can learn a lot about somebody just from an invitation, right, you know what I'm saying.

00:09:53
Speaker 2: So always look at it like that.

00:09:55
Speaker 3: Don't look at it as like somebody gotta deserve to be in your presence. M Most like I always tell people, you don't have to earn my respect, you already have.

00:10:05
Speaker 2: You got to keep it.

00:10:06
Speaker 3: You don't have to earn my love, you already have it. Wow, you know what I'm saying, You just gotta keep it yeah, you know what I mean. Some people like, man, you gotta earn you already got a sweetheart.

00:10:18
Speaker 2: So what do you feel like?

00:10:20
Speaker 1: Are like five things that like I should look for in a man, like when it comes to like, okay, this is a good guy. Like what do you feel like as a man? You feel like these are like these are thinking qualities of a good man that I should give a chance to. We already know God.

00:10:34
Speaker 2: The spiritual.

00:10:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, spiritual, that's just mean spiritual and God God for man, spirit.

00:10:42
Speaker 2: Seah for sure, for sure. But you know, like when I speak spirit it could be religion.

00:10:48
Speaker 3: I would like to say religion because you know, if you fear something that's that you can't see, that means you know, you're gonna it's like your mama, she might you might not she might see you do it. Yeah, So spirituality or religion. Then I would think someone that's humble, but someone that's also confident, Like for example, a martial artist could be humble because he know the pain he can inflict to somebody. So that's what I mean by humbleness and confidence. You gotta have a little paper. You gotta have a little paper, just a little paper that because crystal could put you in a place where your little.

00:11:36
Speaker 2: Paper could turn into some big paper multiply. You know what I'm saying exactly, it's fruitful, right, you know.

00:11:42
Speaker 3: What I'm saying a lot of people don't know. It wasn't an apple, it was a pomegranate. Okay, they have multiple season that. Okay, in next and last, but not least, I would say taste.

00:11:54
Speaker 2: Taste would taste.

00:11:56
Speaker 3: Would prevent you from doing miscellaneous things that you you shouldn't be doing.

00:12:00
Speaker 2: Wow, Like I when there is at the table talking about some man, can you take the stream beans off?

00:12:07
Speaker 3: And ordering chicken nuggets at a five star wrestling you know he gonna order a thought from back page.

00:12:16
Speaker 2: Your taste level too little? Stop eat something that you ain't used to get to eat some cools? Cools? Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Try some different things.

00:12:23
Speaker 3: So I think taste humbleness and confidence, a little bit of paper and christ.

00:12:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I know it's reread. Yeah.

00:12:38
Speaker 1: Do you feel like men choose monogamy first or they find a woman and then decide to be monogamous with her.

00:12:47
Speaker 2: I think it's both. Great.

00:12:50
Speaker 3: Men choose monogamy first, agree, Average men wait and choose it once they find a mate. I was raised to do the right thing, and that's why I said, like sometimes you know a lot of people live for themselves.

00:13:10
Speaker 2: I don't live for myself. Neither is sho anyone live for themselves.

00:13:14
Speaker 3: We should live for Christ or whoever your spiritual leader is, and what you can contribute to m mankind.

00:13:23
Speaker 2: You know what I mean. And I think that's where you find the true piece.

00:13:27
Speaker 3: So when a man comes in a relationship, you know he's looking to like, see if I like this girl, then out the side. But you have to have that in your spirit and be practicing that early, like quick thing. I'm in my late thirties. I haven't had a girlfriend since my early twenties. Wow, you get what I'm saying. And what I what I've learned was I'll be having sex with a girl and wouldn't let her know that she was the only girl I'm having sex with. W just so she stay on her toes.

00:14:03
Speaker 2: I stay on mind. But I'm gonna do the right thing regardless.

00:14:06
Speaker 1: But you think that you might not be the only one, Yeah, and.

00:14:10
Speaker 2: Give her the opportunity because I might not be the only one for her. It might be somebody better for her. See a lot of these a lot of y'all are suckers.

00:14:18
Speaker 3: And I'm gonna tell you why you're a sucker Cause you feel like you can go around here and saw your royals whatever whoever you want to, But then your lady can't do that. M you get what I'm saying. And that's where I feel like a lot of relationships go wrong. Like like, for instance, I always tell this story. If I'm gonna asks my wife who I'm about before I'm.

00:14:41
Speaker 2: At is there any man in the world that you would like to be with?

00:14:46
Speaker 3: Any stature? Any we gonna set it up. I'm getting the four seasons for you. I'm getting the car service, I'm doing everything for you to have this moment. If that moment is that special and you feel like you can keep up with that moment, I really you have that moment, you don't get married at all.

00:15:06
Speaker 1: So like, would you still be with her after that?

00:15:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, if she has that moment and it's like, you know, it was cool, but no, no, that's mine. But anything you got to keep a leash on, you know what I'm saying. So it's like I've just always been that kind of guy, because I just know that people are flawed and I.

00:15:33
Speaker 3: Don't want to put that much pressure on somebody, and something somebody do naturally is what's really important.

00:15:40
Speaker 1: At what point do you feel in the relationship that you're comfortable with the roles reversing or even being like you know what I'm saying, not not being so masculine and being more vulnerable.

00:15:51
Speaker 3: Well, I think that is emotion, and I think a lot of times women would like for us to vocalize that emotion.

00:16:01
Speaker 2: But I think that's where a balance comes.

00:16:04
Speaker 3: Because if a niggas start vocalizing his emotions too much, it's like, man, this nigga's a sucker.

00:16:11
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sorry, I feel I'm sorry. I mean to say that, but but why do you feel like that.

00:16:17
Speaker 1: I don't feel like if he I mean, okay, if he's like two, you know what I'm saying, almost like it's almost okay. You acting like a female at this point?

00:16:25
Speaker 2: But why is that?

00:16:26
Speaker 1: Why why have to be a sucker if they Because my.

00:16:30
Speaker 3: Actions should show my emotions, like I should be able to cry if something happens, and you know.

00:16:37
Speaker 2: Why I'm crying. So you don't want to talk about it. I mean, what are we talking about. I mean, we can't talk about it, but I'm just saying we can talk through it. But what I'm saying is when you get a man that.

00:16:52
Speaker 3: You allowed to start talking about things, he started coming up with excuses instead of.

00:16:56
Speaker 2: Getting it done.

00:16:58
Speaker 3: And you may not see it like that, but it's almost like if you allow certain things human natural, like if we're trying to be on the diet, but you keep bringing foot loops in the house and candy, Eventually I'm gonna taste the piece and then that's good.

00:17:16
Speaker 2: I'm gonna taste another piece. Then I'm just keep tasting the candy. So it's like, I feel like it's something that women just have to.

00:17:25
Speaker 3: Learn how to read and not and speak to me when it's not an emotional moment. You get what I'm saying, Like, don't ask me what's wrong when I'm crying?

00:17:37
Speaker 2: What's wrong? What you would naturally do your cry? You know he's crying, boom boom. A couple days later, you're good. I've seen you crying the other day. You straight. I don't real that.

00:17:48
Speaker 1: I feel like some men do want their woman to be there for them when they are Yeah, hug.

00:17:54
Speaker 3: Me like rub my bag's gonna be okay, able to like really like hash it out like you know, worry about it. I mean, I don't know if you could attest to this, but I just know from my guy, from my male friends, it's like we'd rather go through what we go through and talk about it later or talk about it prior. We don't want to do it in the moment while we're vulnerable. I think what it really is is how I look at it is. Okay, say if I'm having a rough time at my job, right, I mean, you can be communicating on that prior to me getting fired.

00:18:37
Speaker 2: So once I get fired, you ain't gotta talk to me.

00:18:43
Speaker 3: See, That's what I'm saying, Like when you used to talking prior to an issue or after an issue. That means y'all have a real bond, y'all have a real friendship. You'll have a real conversation.

00:18:53
Speaker 2: So if something go wrong, y'all not sitting there like how to fix this or what do we do? We've already been up in a way at it.

00:19:01
Speaker 3: As companions. See a lot of times people sit around each other.

00:19:06
Speaker 2: And ain't talking, communicate and.

00:19:11
Speaker 1: Play.

00:19:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, y'all just y'all just using each other. Y'all misusing each other. Let's say that because it's nothing wrong with using someone. It's misusing someone that's the issue.

00:19:26
Speaker 2: And if you're just.

00:19:27
Speaker 3: Sitting around your girl playing video games, you're misusing her time. If y'all not building, if y'all not having like I have this thing where people kind of with me, right, I have a bad thing when people say, man, you know, you make it seem like it's all about you, And I say, because when you say you my friend, I'm gonna.

00:19:49
Speaker 2: Actually call you actually your advice about stuff.

00:19:52
Speaker 3: Wow, It's just people try to act need something when I'm asking you something you today, but see, I've been on you ain't called me in two weeks. You could have asked me what you're about to ask me when I'm calling you.

00:20:07
Speaker 2: But you just feel like, oh, he's a celebrity, I'm not gonna call him.

00:20:10
Speaker 3: I don't know if our friendship is real. Is he gonna stay on the phone with me and hear my problems?

00:20:16
Speaker 2: Yes?

00:20:16
Speaker 1: I am.

00:20:17
Speaker 2: That's why I'm a friend. I'm not just some kind of person that's just.

00:20:21
Speaker 3: Like super busy, you know what I mean, Like you're super busy as as well, but you make time for people you want to.

00:20:28
Speaker 2: Make time for.

00:20:29
Speaker 3: So that's what we I think in relationships, that's what it's about. It's about when you.

00:20:35
Speaker 2: Have that real friendship, you know each other before.

00:20:40
Speaker 3: The emotional moment, before the distraught or the emergency happen. You know how I'm gonna react in an emergency because we're genuine partners.

00:20:50
Speaker 2: And I think that's the gap or the vulnerability that you know.

00:20:55
Speaker 3: She was saying as well, like when do you show that emotion, That emotion is your own prior daily and after the actual act.

00:21:04
Speaker 2: Or incident that may be a real incident in your life, you know what I mean? So if your car breakdown, you ain't gonna be distraught.

00:21:12
Speaker 3: You want know why because I know, my dude, finna pull up fix this tire or get me a uber or get me a Yeah, I ain't.

00:21:19
Speaker 2: Even gonna be stressed, right, but if you know, you ain't that company or either. Like I loved your show, I mean, am I allowed to say that? Okay?

00:21:29
Speaker 3: I loved the first episode because whoever wrote that wrote that for people to have conversation.

00:21:38
Speaker 2: For you to say, go down there and fix that tire. To me that y'all ain't had that conversation at home.

00:21:45
Speaker 1: We had not, And that's that's something we're like dealing now in the series is communication. And we realized, like we really don't talk about a lot of stuff.

00:21:55
Speaker 3: So you know, you work, you come home, you gotta cug, you think you know, to have sex and all this other stuff. It's like, man, that's a lot on two human beings. So that's my biggest thing. Is like friendship prepares you for anything in life.

00:22:13
Speaker 1: I agree with that's good, Yeah, really good.

00:22:15
Speaker 2: And friendship is everything. It is to all parts of life.

00:22:20
Speaker 1: That part to all parts of life. We're gonna segue into a part of the show that it is called positive Outcomes, Okay, where we have someone from our community write in and ask us a question. We're going to give them advice. Okay, all right, So this one says, Crystal, please, Crystal, please, can you tell us what the heck is happening with men? I go out with my girlfriends and men don't come up to me. I'm with you, girl, same thing. I joined dating apps, try that too, and men don't speak after we after we match. It's like they want me to court them. M that's a good one too. I believe a woman should create an environment for a man to feel confident enough to approach her, whether it's a smile or a sweet flirt.

00:23:12
Speaker 2: But these men just.

00:23:13
Speaker 1: Want us to fully pursue them and be the aggressors. I don't know what to do. How can I get back to the dating scene?

00:23:20
Speaker 2: Who? Lord?

00:23:21
Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, that was me in twenty It actually may have been the top of twenty nineteen. I got on the dating site for the first time, and I was against it. I was like, I don't know who these people are. I'm really big on dating people that are referred to me by someone else, like at least somebody I has to know the person i'm dating for.

00:23:40
Speaker 2: Really, you know, I can't do it.

00:23:43
Speaker 1: So I tried, you know, I tried. I was like, we're gonna try something new. I was trying everything that year. It was like Lord, So I tried it and it was the same situation as this young lady. I was matching with a few people, and then I really wasn't seeing a lot. That caught my aunt to even want to swipe left whatever it was to like be like we're a match. And then the ones I did never say anything. The match is like, never said anything. I had the same to this is crazy. But what do you feel that women need to do? Because I do feel like the same as her, that men are waiting on us to approach them. They want us to be aggressors. The art of pursuing and courting is gone. So from a male's perspective, what do you feel like she needs to do to get back to dating.

00:24:29
Speaker 3: I think provide the environment, Like everything can't be about you. It has to be about the environment because it's the environment isn't inviting, then I don't think it sparks the conversation. So most of the time when people meet, they say, hey, let's go out on the date, versus hey, let's go to the skating ring or let's go to a concert. Let's go somewhere where the environment is dope. Not just me and you there and we're trying to get to know each other. You need to just see how he is in the environment, because what happened is you'll bring a guy that you're according to an environment. Let's just say we ain't okay, just say for you, I mean, I mean, I guess we gotta say for them. So say, if she's what could a girl do, Let's say, go to the movies, right and bite three of your homegirls bite their guy.

00:25:29
Speaker 2: See if they can bite a guy, and then y'all go to the movies like that. But it's really no.

00:25:34
Speaker 1: But what she's asking is like, why do why do men feel like we have to approach them? Now? Like when did the tables turn on that?

00:25:41
Speaker 3: But what I'm saying is I don't think it's about approaching. I think it's just providing an environment to be approached.

00:25:47
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, you know what I'm saying.

00:25:49
Speaker 3: Like sometimes it's like if you're on a dating site, you know, if we like each other, we're going on a date and it's gonna be me and you, yes, and we gotta get to know each other and we got to see if we like each other. Versus if you invite him to a football game or somewhere where it's a lot of people, where it could like he know how to just focus on you. He can focus and have a good time in the environment, and that might heighten his sisters say hey, what you're doing later on?

00:26:15
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. Or you might be like, hey, I'm about to go you okay, you're about to leave. It like, nah, I ain't leaving. I'm right here. I'm right here. Where you going about to go home?

00:26:23
Speaker 1: Oh?

00:26:23
Speaker 2: We done? Yeah? I was like, oh okay, let me walk in to the car.

00:26:27
Speaker 3: But if it's like okay, meet me at dinner at Ruth Chris at nine, it's like, oh man.

00:26:33
Speaker 2: I'm about to get interviewed and tell me. It ain't a free like environment.

00:26:39
Speaker 3: So I think what women have to understand is like, you don't have to approach your man, just invite him to an environment where he's it's cool for him to approach you, it's cool for you to approach him. Because a lot of time when people are amongst strangers, they kind.

00:26:53
Speaker 2: Of cling to the person what they know.

00:26:55
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's take this scenario. Say, because I've tried to make myself more available to go out so I can actually meet somebody because I will stay in this house and not going to But I'm like, I'm never gonna meet anybody if I stay in the house all the time. What do I need to do when I step out of here? And because I get it's first of all, y'all, it is draining, trying to like get ready to be approached. You gotta get ready, do your makeup, do your hair, dress up, put the heels on. It's a very long process and then it's not the most comfortable process. You gotta wear the heels all night and trying to be cute. But like, when you get there, what do we do to like for me to be like?

00:27:37
Speaker 2: Oh?

00:27:38
Speaker 1: Like, cause what do you like when you when you go somewhere? What is the woman doing that you like, I'm gonna approach her?

00:27:43
Speaker 2: Like?

00:27:43
Speaker 1: Is this something that the way we need to carry ourselves is there?

00:27:47
Speaker 2: We need to smile more?

00:27:49
Speaker 1: Like I'm trying to figure out what it is that like will make a man be like, oh her, because I know my presence is felt like you're not coming to me?

00:27:56
Speaker 2: What's up? Yeah?

00:27:56
Speaker 3: Because you know they get acted by thoughts who are who don't have that, they're more of an environment person. So what I mean like when you had your party the other night, for you to go around and see group of men and be like, hey, how y'all doing y'all good tonight. I'm glad y'all came out. Thank y'all for coming out. Anything you need let me.

00:28:18
Speaker 2: Know when you walk off like damn shallow kind of right. You know what I'm saying, that's all you need. You don't need. You don't need a dude just like walk up on you.

00:28:28
Speaker 3: When I say the environment, it's like, that's how you curate the environment of the people around you. Then that man will be like, you know what, I'm gonna shoot a shot. That's it's But like I said, if it's something where I feel like it's just me and you and I gotta I gotta control this whole big house with you. It's just my personality. Most guys ain't got that, you know what I mean, or they just reserved or whatever the case may be.

00:28:56
Speaker 2: So that's what I think about with all women creating.

00:29:00
Speaker 3: I'm having a cookout at the crib, come over, and it's multiple people there.

00:29:05
Speaker 2: It ain't just me and you, And I think that's where that is. Women a way of approaching a man.

00:29:11
Speaker 3: It's not actually going into him and asking them like, hey, I like you, I think you're sexy.

00:29:17
Speaker 2: He gonna be like okay.

00:29:19
Speaker 3: But if you just create that moment, create that that, like I said, that environment for men to be vulnerable, for men to be able to feel like, oh man, I'm an outcast.

00:29:29
Speaker 2: I don't know anybody. Oh I know her, the girl who invited me. Hey, what's going on? You having a nice event? To me?

00:29:35
Speaker 3: That's the best way I would feel like, because that's why most dancers or strippers succeed with men, because they'll walk up to him, need to dance, and most dudes be like, you know this ain't never walked over like, yeah, come on over, you want to drink?

00:29:52
Speaker 2: Come on over here. You know what I'm saying. Do y'all start talking? You talking about this job? And she did. And that's how most successful men end up getting with like waitresses or.

00:30:03
Speaker 3: Yeah, minor girl, because them the only girls that will walk up to him and have a conversation and let him know he's of value.

00:30:09
Speaker 1: Okay, So we gotta I see Okay, I see what you're saying. Now. Yeah, we gotta sometimes approach as.

00:30:16
Speaker 2: We say hello. A simple hello would be like, oh dang, she said hello to me. You know what I mean to me? That is what get me, you know, excited to speak to someone. Okay, I like that.

00:30:28
Speaker 1: So I would tell the young lady, listen, stay open, continue to go out and try to meet people. The flirting and the smiling like a little cute friendly wink is is good. But be mindful and intentional about where you're going to make sure that you attract the type of man that you want as well. I know for me, I'm very particularly about the places I go because I know the type of man that I want to attract, so I would say do that.

00:30:56
Speaker 2: And just on depot, I.

00:31:01
Speaker 1: Met this one guy in home goods. I was in the rug section and you know how you have to push the rugs.

00:31:09
Speaker 2: Really see it.

00:31:09
Speaker 1: I didn't know he was in between the rugs and I pushed the I kind of smushed him in the middle of the rugs and he backed up.

00:31:15
Speaker 2: He's like damn.

00:31:16
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm so sorry, and I was like, I'm so sorry, what's up? And before I knew, he was buying my rug and the night they went to dinner, and I thought that was gonna be a relationship that worked out too. He was a successful man.

00:31:34
Speaker 2: Crazy, that's crazy.

00:31:35
Speaker 1: He was a successful man and then ended up having a childhood girlfriend that lived here that he always said he was.

00:31:43
Speaker 2: Never gonna get married.

00:31:44
Speaker 1: These are things that I found out as we dated, but was still dealing with her and wanted to deal with me too, And I was like, so that's what we're not doing.

00:31:53
Speaker 2: You know, you lost me, Like go.

00:31:55
Speaker 1: Ahead and stay with Sharty from from the neighborhood. And I'm an exit stage left. But I did meet somebody at home. Goods Where else do w mean the gym? The gym is a good place. I meet men in the gym. But yeah, try to go around places that you feel like you'll meet somebody that's worth it.

00:32:15
Speaker 2: Like I try to provide places, create places.

00:32:20
Speaker 3: Like I'm saying when you go to the gym that La Fitness created that environment, You didn't really create it.

00:32:25
Speaker 2: I am the environment. Yeah, So what I'm saying is like, hey, I'm having a barbecue. I'm having a everybody over here, Like we got to get to know I'm not just saying here, I'm just saying we can go to parks.

00:32:38
Speaker 3: Like people don't do the community things that we used to do prior to the Internet.

00:32:43
Speaker 2: Like gods shoot they shot on the internet.

00:32:48
Speaker 3: They don't shoot it in person because there's nowhere to shoot it like a club, but it's music blasting everywhere. It's like us of the people got to create, like festivals and different things that multiple people we can come to and we can talk and have conversations.

00:33:04
Speaker 1: That's another Okay, I.

00:33:05
Speaker 2: See you're saying.

00:33:06
Speaker 1: So we could like basically like create environments where people can come together and meet each other, kind of like mixers.

00:33:11
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:33:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good idea versus like looking for a spot, because like Circuin, spots have their own audience. Yeah, and you go there and they don't have nothing different. You know, you ain't gonna meet nobody collected because everybody gonna have on Doche and fucking Dior and you know. And yeah, but just on some day, like something, I might have on some some crocs and some shorts with a hoodie on, and you know, go somewhere.

00:33:40
Speaker 2: I go to FuG. I just show up at random fuzz and he put me on FU. Yeah. I just do random things.

00:33:46
Speaker 3: But I think for women, I would love to say, like be creative in those environments your homegirls get together.

00:33:54
Speaker 2: Don't make it just a girl's night. I mean when you had you do it all the time. You be having charade parties and all types of stuff.

00:34:02
Speaker 1: And I invite a lot of people and people meet each other.

00:34:04
Speaker 2: They Yeah, I got to get back to that.

00:34:10
Speaker 1: And maybe y'all meet somebody on this podcast. We like to make sure that everyone is growing. You know, we're all going through something, but what are we growing through? So we like to talk about what I'm going through and what I'm growing through and just give a testimony about where you are in life and how it's been a test and a lesson. So for me right now, I'm in a place in my life where I am going through accepting where I am, especially in this in this dating phase, and understanding that when it's in, you touch on it when it's time and God's timing it's going to happen. And what I'm growing through is making sure that all the lessons I need to learn during this time that I'm grabbing it. So I'm growing and I'm learning at the same time as I go through it. Yeah, what are you going through and growing through?

00:35:09
Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing that I'm going through and growing through is removing the devil from my life. Wow, Removing disappointment, removing all the things that is attached to that symbol of Like I used to have this thing where like if an artist didn't show it for a video shoot, I'd be like distraught.

00:35:32
Speaker 2: Now it's like, okay, God don't want no artists in the videos, Like one major artist in show up. I scraped all the artists.

00:35:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, because God is telling me, why is it so difficult for them to show up?

00:35:45
Speaker 2: Because I want that camera focused on you. Wow, You've yet to focus it.

00:35:49
Speaker 3: So that's what I'm going through, learning how to remove the devil from my life, remove negativity, and anything that happens to me is a positive thing.

00:36:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, even if it hurts, it's positive.

00:36:03
Speaker 3: Like if you tear your acl you need surgery, that first week gonna be hurting, but you know, in the long run, it is for you to be able to walk better.

00:36:11
Speaker 2: So I've learned to accept.

00:36:15
Speaker 3: Things that are not going my way and understand like God doesn't want me to work with that person. He don't want me to see that person. So I tell people, don't say being the devil's advocate, I hate it. Be an angel, be the Lord's advocate. So that's what I've been working. That's what I've been going from, moving the devil and being more of the Lord's advocate.

00:36:36
Speaker 1: I love that you were definitely raising the church.

00:36:38
Speaker 3: I love that.

00:36:39
Speaker 1: I love that the next thing we're gonna do is we always take something that we took from the show and we say keep it blank, sweetie. So we feel in the blank. And from this episode, something that really sends out when it comes to relationships is friendship. So I would say, keep it friendly, sweetie, friendly, because the friendship is definitely like the foundation of a solid relationship.

00:37:14
Speaker 2: What would you say, keep it friendly? I love that. It's so much into that, it's so much.

00:37:23
Speaker 3: I mean, you kind of know like me and her are very good friends, so she knows a lot about my dating life as well.

00:37:30
Speaker 2: Yes, and.

00:37:32
Speaker 3: One thing about me, like every girl ever dated with still friends, Yep. I can still call on them as a friend and they could call on me as a friend. And my biggest saying is I'll be at your wedding.

00:37:45
Speaker 2: Or in your wedding. I know that you do say that. Yeah, yeah, that's what I really mean.

00:37:50
Speaker 3: It's like I'll be there to support your wedding or I'll be the dude walking you down, you know what I mean.

00:37:57
Speaker 2: But that's when you truly love someone when you can see that person stay happy with someone else. If you can't see somebody you love happy with someone else, you truly don't love them. That's so real. You're just You're just selfish and want them all to yourself. I love that.

00:38:10
Speaker 1: Keep you friendless when it's all across the board friendly.

00:38:13
Speaker 2: I like that.

00:38:14
Speaker 1: Oh man, thank you so much for coming side.

00:38:17
Speaker 2: This has been amazing.

00:38:18
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it, and I hope you guys enjoyed it just as much as I did. And if you want to write into our Positive Outcomes listener letters, please write in to keep it positive Sweetie at gmail dot com. I cannot wait to hear from you guys. We've got more coming. Stay tuned and you can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok all the things at love Chris Orine and that's l u V c R y s t l r E any e side. Tell them where they can find you.

00:38:46
Speaker 2: Oh, you can just say c y hi everything, c y H. I mster egot on the way, Yes twenty three held the Woman of the p