The Heavy Wait Diaries: Chapter 7

Previously on Miller High Life Presents The Heavyweight Diaries. Think Johnny, Think, 0:00:07.520 --> 0:00:11.640 good Night, Podstar, Crossed Sandwiches, good Night Healthcare, Timothy Nelson, 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:15.160 good night, Twitter follower. I'm seeing a co reporting situation. 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:34.120 I had saved the show, but at what price? I 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:39.720 guess you could say I've always enjoyed sandwiches, whispers Timothy Nelson. 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:44.920 He leans into the studio microphone with eyes shut. He 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:50.279 is being soulful, and I want to die. I've been 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:53.120 interviewing this man for the past five and a half 0:00:53.240 --> 0:00:57.760 hours as he meticulously recounts the tedious backstory to a 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:02.320 subway sandwich order from the night in question. He is 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:05.560 walking me through what feels like a real time history 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:09.800 of his sandwich eating habits. We've devoted over an hour 0:01:09.920 --> 0:01:12.720 to his love of open face sandwiches as a boy. 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:17.959 Discovering peeda pockets in his twenties was another hour, Pannini's 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:21.240 in his thirties, an hour and a half. And I 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:25.480 don't know how long we talked about tuna melts under 0:01:25.520 --> 0:01:29.399 the studio table. My fingernails dig into the palm of 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:32.960 my hand. I don't think I can endure much more. 0:01:34.120 --> 0:01:38.200 And then there's Olive's Timothy Nelson says with a sly grin. 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:41.800 You see, when I first discovered them at the tender 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:45.679 age of five, they looked like marbles, and so of 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:49.480 course I enjoyed shoving them up my nose. They felt 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:53.760 good up there. It is the longest, most in depth 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:57.840 interview of my career, all in service to an idiot's 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:02.920 tale a man orders a sand and receives the wrong one. 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:07.320 But after extensive test marketing with influencers from Generation double 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:11.840 Z and other key demographics, the haircuts on the advertising 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:16.880 team have seized on Nelson's story, calling it immensely relatable 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:23.800 and honest but truthful, as well as brand safe. They've 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:27.720 even hired a professional fashion photographer to shoot Nelson and 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:33.400 I quote hanging out. The most punishing photographic tableau features 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:36.440 us spooning each other on a custom made six foot 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:46.600 long baguette. By the time I hit my thirties, continues 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:51.920 Timothy Nelson heroes became a staple roast beef cheese slaw, 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:57.000 ham salad, chicken salad, grilled chicken salad, which leads us 0:02:57.000 --> 0:03:01.639 to the night of the Crisscross sandwiches. I said, exasperated, 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:07.120 oh no, he retorts. My discovery of heroes came years 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:10.960 before that night, and I only got into subway sandwiches 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:16.920 in my forties. So much comes before Giro's burrito's. Not 0:03:17.040 --> 0:03:21.360 to mention non burrito raps. It's really quite fascinating how 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:25.040 many different kinds of raps there are. Can we get 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:29.720 to the night in question? I bark, My patience completely eroded. 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:34.240 I'm just trying to set the stage, Timothy Nelson shouts. 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:38.880 Back Stage setting is a key part of storytelling. So 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:42.720 is keeping your interviewer from falling into an anger sleep. 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:46.760 I say, just let me tell the story the way 0:03:46.800 --> 0:03:50.960 it needs to be told, says Nelson. It needs to 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:56.400 be told to a psychiatrist. I shriek, possibly the jailhouse kind. 0:03:57.360 --> 0:03:59.800 I don't know why I ever let Alex talk me 0:03:59.880 --> 0:04:05.200 in into this fiasco, yells Timothy Nelson, talk you into it? 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:08.800 I ask, I can't believe the depths to which I've sunk, 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:14.440 and you call yourself an interviewer, christ Timothy Nelson, I 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:19.680 feel like I'm talking to a cactus, and abnormally stupid cactus. 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:23.279 Just as I'm about to scream in Timothy Nelson's face 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:26.880 that I hate him, hate everything about him that I 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:30.040 have hated him before I even knew him, hated him 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:33.560 when he was just an innocent child. I catch sight 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:38.680 of the recording light, which is not on. In fact, 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:45.719 it is off. We've not been recording. I whisper, my 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:52.239 voice hoarse. What Nelson asks, We've just spent the past 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:55.919 six hours, I say, pretending to have a delightful conversation 0:04:56.480 --> 0:05:01.040 about your stomach turning culinary habits for absolute lutely no reason. 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:06.280 Because you never hit record. My eyes tear up and 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:11.799 my jaw starts to twitch. I never hit record. Timothy 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:16.480 Nelson repeats, that's rich. You're supposed to be the interviewer, 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:22.280 you cactus. It's your job to press record. Energy drinks 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:26.479 and raspberry wine coolers litter the floor beneath Timothy Nelson's feet. 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:29.960 The room is thick with the smell of our body odor, 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:32.880 though neither of us can detect it, as we've not 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:46.640 smelled fresh air in six hours. All for nothing. This 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:49.839 is a bad dream, I babble. I gave up my 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:54.159 two year old son's first ukulele lesson for this. I 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:57.240 passed up my best friend's bachelor party in Las Vegas, 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:02.719 says Timothy Nelson. We had back Street Boys tickets. We 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:06.760 stare at each other, breathing hard, when suddenly, like the 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:10.159 bear from the Revenant, Timothy Nelson is upon me, and 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:13.560 I am upon Timothy Nelson as he tries to lock 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:16.480 my head, I, like the bear from the House at 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:20.520 Pooh Corner, attempt to bear hug his waist. For but 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:24.000 a moment, we are locked in a nauseatingly intimate embrace 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:28.520 before we crash into the shelves, knocking over a series 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:33.280 of non heavyweight related peabody statuettes, some rolls of Gimblet's 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:37.960 promotional toilet paper three ply all, and several heavy sacks 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:42.400 of money bearing the Spotify logo. It's enough of a 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:46.880 racket to cause several Gimlet employees and adjacent studios to 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:57.600 come rushing in. Timothy Nelson and I separate. Nothing to 0:06:57.640 --> 0:07:01.360 see here, I say, adjusting the collar on my shirt. 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:07.279 One too many cider jacks, says Nelson. The gathering crowd 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:11.600 stands around, holding their noses and gawking at us, until, 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:16.360 in a puff of sea breeze and sandalwood, Bloomberg suddenly appears. 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:23.800 Everybody scatters fellas he cries, there's no time for horseplay. 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:27.080 We have a season premiere rap party to think of. 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:31.760 We are going to have a tastefully appointed fountain overflowing 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:42.600 with Miller High Life, the Champagne of beers. It's going 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:46.280 to be so exclusive that even invited guests will only 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:49.440 learn of it the day after it happens, and even 0:07:49.520 --> 0:07:55.080 then only on title. I guess I did overreact a little, 0:07:55.320 --> 0:08:00.320 says Timothy Nelson, extending his hand. Just thinking of all 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:04.120 the horrible Timothy Nelson related nooks and crannies this hand 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:07.840 is ventured, is enough to make my abdominal pips wilt. 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:12.080 But there was Bloomberg so full of hope for the 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:17.720 sponsorship deals, in ancillary revenues, licensing opportunities, and marketing hooks, 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:22.880 but also for the story of this cursed subway sandwich. 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:27.240 I should never have tried to strike you, I say, 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:33.400 accepting Nelson's hand. Bloomberg exits the studio, leaving Timothy Nelson 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:37.439 and I alone. We eye each other warily, and each 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:41.520 take our seats. Nelson behind the guest Mic and I 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:47.360 behind the host Mike, and then I press the record button. 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:52.959 I guess you could say I've always enjoyed sandwiches, says 0:08:53.000 --> 0:09:01.240 Timothy Nelson as my pips explode in chapter seven of 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:04.400 the Heavyweight Diaries. The next season of Heavyweight will begin 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:08.080 in two weeks on September twenty sixth. Remember if you 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:11.520 don't listen to Heavyweight on Spotify, Jim Gimblet's head of 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:15.360 finance and Operations will tan my Canadian hide. But good. 0:09:16.080 --> 0:09:20.120 Heavyweight is me Jonathan Goldstein, along with Jorge just Stevie Lane, 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:24.359 Khalila Holt, and Va Parker. This episode was mixed by Emamonger, 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:28.400 music by Bobby Lord. Our ad music is Vivaldi's Spring, 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:32.360 performed by the Wichita State University Chamber Players. We'll have 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:35.440 the final chapter of the Heavyweight Diaries next week