260 | Navigating Tough Conversations with Parents in CCPT

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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I am answering a question from Michelle in Ireland,

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who has emailed before,

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so thanks for the follow-up email,

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Michelle.

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And there are actually 3 questions in this email,

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so I don't know,

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y'all are like bundling your questions.

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I feel like this is a 3-fer lately.

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I keep getting like 3 questions from everybody,

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but I guess it's a little bit of a shorter version of a lightning round,

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so it'll work.

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All right,

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so I'm gonna read parts of Michelle's email and then we'll dive into these topics.

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So let me just really quickly tell you what they are.

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So the first is when a kid has a specific anxiety,

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in this case,

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it's weather

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and weather related stuff.

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So how do we help parents understand why

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we're not going to address the fear of weather

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in sessions?

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Second is that there is a common practice right now

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where parents are

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taking their anxious children out of any environment

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or scenario where it might spike their anxiety.

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And what do we do about that?

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How do we psycho educate them

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about not

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rescuing their kids from those situations?

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And then what about a child that is consistently room wrecking?

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So this is gonna be fun.

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All right,

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so let me read parts of the first question.

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I have a client who experiences anxiety in relation to weather and finds it

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hard to go to school or go outside when it is dark or raining.

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I've been working with her and her mom for nearly 6 months,

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have been exclusively CCPT.

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However,

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in each review with mom,

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she asks me to specifically address the weather anxiety with her little girl.

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How often have you been told,

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right,

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but when are you going to?

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Fill in the blank.

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I'm not.

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I've come to see that the way her parents respond to

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the anxiety is reinforcing her belief that she's not capable,

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that she can't do hard things,

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etc.

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as they often keep her home from school on the mornings when the weather is bad.

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Hmm.

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I've worked really hard on this with them and the importance

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of consistency and modeling confidence in her ability to cope,

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but how do you communicate with parents when you feel that

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their response is reinforcing the behavior that they do not want?

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All right,

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as you all know,

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if you've been hanging out with me for any length of time.

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You know that everything in my life goes in waves,

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and that's a really helpful

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touch point of what's going on with play therapy around the world,

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specifically CCPT.

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So Michelle,

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thank you for this because this has come up so

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many times in the most recent 2 or 3 weeks.

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Obviously this is worth talking about.

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How do we communicate with parents when we feel that their

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response is reinforcing the behavior that they do not want?

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We

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Address things

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with kindness.

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But with truth

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With clarity

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and with directness.

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And I have all kinds of pushback about this.

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Well,

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I don't want to offend them.

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I don't,

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I'm worried that they will bail and pull their kid.

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I don't want to make them mad.

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I don't want to seem like a know it all.

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I don't wanna tell them how to parent.

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I don't want to fill in the blank,

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OK.

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That's our job.

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I,

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I think I might be the only one bold enough to say this,

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but

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when someone brings us into their family

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as an expert

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and to support them

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in their child's mental health,

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If a discussion needs to be had

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because they need to make changes,

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or they need to have awareness,

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or they need objectivity,

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or they're missing perspective,

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or they need to be called out.

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Who else is going to do it but us.

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They trust us enough to let us into their family.

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They trust us enough to have a relationship with them and their children.

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When you have trust,

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People will receive anything.

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If your parents trust you.

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They'll let you say what you need to say.

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And my,

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my intro in those scenarios is,

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I wonder if I have permission

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to say what you need to hear but not necessarily what you want to hear.

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And they inevitably say yes,

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sometimes I'll be it after a little bit of hemming and hawing,

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and oh no,

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what are you gonna throw at me,

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and oh,

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I don't know if I like this,

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and,

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but they say yes.

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Because they trust you.

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And then you say,

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Your mannerisms,

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your behaviors,

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your actions,

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your words,

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whatever.

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Is contributing

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to the very thing that

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you

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don't like.

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Here's how.

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Here's why.

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Here's what you need to do instead.

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Let me give you some insight.

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Let me help you understand what's going on.

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I see things more clearly.

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I'm neutral.

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I'm objective.

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I'm third party.

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You're advocating on behalf of the child.

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This family obviously wants their child to get over the anxiety.

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But they're exacerbating it and they're contributing to it.

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They need to know that.

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We do it gently,

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we do it graciously,

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we do it kindly,

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we do it lovingly.

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We do it respectfully.

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But we say what needs to be said.

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And we have the courage

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to discuss difficult topics.

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And sometimes we have to confront what's going on,

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and sometimes parents need to be called out.

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But they will allow you to do it and they will actually be appreciative of it

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because they know that you have their child's best interest at heart.

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You're not calling them out because you want to,

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you're not calling them out because you enjoy it.

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Quite the opposite actually.

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You're not calling them out because it makes you feel good,

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the opposite actually.

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You're calling them out because it's necessary

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so that their child can achieve the healing that they want.

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So,

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Michelle,

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you,

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you just boldly

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say what needs to be said.

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And you learn over time that it's never as bad as you think it's going to be.

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So do it scared,

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it's one of my favorite phrases,

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do it scared.

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At the beginning,

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it's gonna feel scary.

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And you're gonna what if yourself to death,

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and you're gonna have all of these catastrophic outcomes in your head,

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and none of them are going to happen.

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It's not going to be as bad as you think it will be,

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and over time you're gonna go,

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oh yeah,

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I don't even,

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I don't even need to worry about that anymore.

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And you just say what needs to be said,

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because it needs to be said.

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All right,

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so that's

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question number 1.

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#2,

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I have clients that are being referred to play therapy for anxiety.

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But a lot of the issues that the parents are

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referencing are situations that would be generally considered stressful.

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For example,

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a child being referred to play therapy because they get nervous about tests.

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The parents then speak to the class teacher

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and ask that the child does not sit exams as they find them too stressful.

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I'm consistently coming against this issue where it seems that parents

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are attempting to remove all areas of difficulty from their child's life

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in an attempt to prevent them from

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ever experiencing challenging situations or difficult emotions.

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I've also been approached by lots of the teachers in the

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school where I work who are saying the same thing.

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I really feel that this needs to be addressed through workshops

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with parents and guardians outside of the play therapy room,

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as I am concerned about the effect that this will

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have on young children as they progress through life.

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What are your thoughts?

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How would you address this with parents and help them see that

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the goal is not to remove challenges from their child's life,

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but to help them do hard things and learn from them?

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Wow,

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OK,

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we're getting a little philosophical here.

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I like deep stuff.

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All righty.

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Let's

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kind of look at

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societal patterns here for a second,

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because

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#the why matters.

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All right.

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We know

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that there was a pretty significant length of time

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where

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parents were pretty disengaged.

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And parents were pretty indifferent about their children.

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So decades

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of children who were

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just kind of

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there,

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seen but not heard.

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There wasn't any special focus or attention.

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Put on the parent-child relationship,

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and they were kind of left to their own devices.

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You know,

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kids didn't wear helmets when they rode their bikes,

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they didn't wear seat belts in the car,

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they

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weren't rescued or saved from anything,

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you know,

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rub dirt on it.

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If you don't stop crying,

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I'll give you something to cry about.

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Suck it up,

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buttercup,

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you'll be fine.

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You know,

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you don't need to be crying about that.

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OK,

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so that kind of vibe

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was pretty prevalent for quite a while,

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decades actually.

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And there's been a shift.

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Recently,

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there has become

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a trend toward

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much more engaged,

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much more involved,

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much more

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helicoptering.

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Overprotection,

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over

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everything.

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Because the pendulum always swings from one extreme to the other.

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We have seen

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that parents are far more invested than they were historically.

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But with

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any extreme comes

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cons.

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And one of the cons is that this

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overprotection,

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over rescuing,

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over saving,

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00:09:45,599 --> 00:09:46,599
helicoptering.

280
00:09:48,390 --> 00:09:48,400
I

281
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,390
Very detrimental to children

282
00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:54,229
because whereas

283
00:09:54,520 --> 00:10:01,650
a child needs nurturing and loving and caregiving and compassion and protection

284
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:02,479
and

285
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,469
in early decades they did not receive enough of that.

286
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,109
It was very much

287
00:10:07,580 --> 00:10:10,710
pick yourself up by your bootstraps and keep going because

288
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,349
no one's gonna help you so you better figure it out yourself.

289
00:10:14,479 --> 00:10:16,150
That is not healthy either.

290
00:10:17,039 --> 00:10:18,609
But now we have the contrast.

291
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,080
We're over rescuing,

292
00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:21,869
over saving,

293
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,059
overprotecting,

294
00:10:23,229 --> 00:10:24,119
over guarding,

295
00:10:24,229 --> 00:10:25,260
over everything,

296
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:26,859
and now kids

297
00:10:27,349 --> 00:10:28,090
are too fragile.

298
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:31,679
Kids have no idea what it means to

299
00:10:31,890 --> 00:10:32,679
be gritty.

300
00:10:33,289 --> 00:10:36,130
Kids have no idea what it means to solve their own problems.

301
00:10:36,919 --> 00:10:40,950
Kids have no idea what it means to work through hardship and learn from it.

302
00:10:42,169 --> 00:10:43,700
So this is absolutely a pattern.

303
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:44,419
I agree with you,

304
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:45,070
Michelle.

305
00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:47,719
And teachers are seeing it.

306
00:10:47,770 --> 00:10:49,419
We are seeing it as therapists.

307
00:10:50,869 --> 00:10:53,219
If you don't have a sense of

308
00:10:53,789 --> 00:10:55,229
your own capacity.

309
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,179
If you don't have a sense of your own capability.

310
00:10:59,340 --> 00:11:02,809
If you don't believe that you can trust yourself to handle things.

311
00:11:03,919 --> 00:11:06,469
You become an absolutely anxious wreck.

312
00:11:07,219 --> 00:11:09,619
Because you're always at the mercy of your circumstances.

313
00:11:10,799 --> 00:11:11,900
And here's the issue.

314
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,070
If kids have never had to figure anything out for themselves,

315
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:17,760
they've never had to problem solve,

316
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,349
they've never had to make a decision,

317
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,590
they've never had to get themselves out of a jam,

318
00:11:22,039 --> 00:11:24,150
they've never had to calm themselves down,

319
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:25,630
to figure something out.

320
00:11:27,650 --> 00:11:30,440
Then they sit around and wait for someone to rescue them.

321
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,900
So we have anxious parents

322
00:11:34,409 --> 00:11:35,640
and anxious kids,

323
00:11:35,890 --> 00:11:38,760
and they swirl together in a really unhealthy way.

324
00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:40,929
So you mentioned,

325
00:11:41,219 --> 00:11:44,650
I think we need to do workshops with parents and guardians outside of the playroom.

326
00:11:44,739 --> 00:11:45,650
Absolutely.

327
00:11:46,179 --> 00:11:48,299
parent education is one of the most important

328
00:11:48,299 --> 00:11:49,770
things that we should be doing right now.

329
00:11:50,789 --> 00:11:50,809
All right,

330
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,840
Public service announcement.

331
00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:54,030
Related aside.

332
00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:56,049
If you

333
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,669
are committed to CCPT.

334
00:11:59,989 --> 00:12:00,650
You

335
00:12:00,909 --> 00:12:01,190
eat,

336
00:12:01,349 --> 00:12:01,590
sleep,

337
00:12:01,669 --> 00:12:02,659
live and breathe it

338
00:12:02,869 --> 00:12:04,070
like so many of us do.

339
00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:08,200
Your number one priority outside of the playroom

340
00:12:08,690 --> 00:12:11,039
should be psycho education for parents in your community.

341
00:12:12,309 --> 00:12:13,979
Whatever that looks like for you

342
00:12:14,229 --> 00:12:15,700
on a one on one basis,

343
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:17,460
on a small group basis,

344
00:12:17,630 --> 00:12:18,940
on a workshop basis,

345
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,330
on a community center,

346
00:12:20,429 --> 00:12:21,390
I'm gonna offer,

347
00:12:21,469 --> 00:12:22,020
you know,

348
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:26,219
3 hours on a Saturday morning to the entire rec center in my community.

349
00:12:26,630 --> 00:12:28,690
I'm gonna put on a 6 week program,

350
00:12:29,109 --> 00:12:30,900
whatever that looks like for you,

351
00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,210
your number one priority

352
00:12:33,429 --> 00:12:35,179
should be psycho education for parents.

353
00:12:36,479 --> 00:12:38,880
Practical support and application

354
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:40,349
for parents

355
00:12:40,599 --> 00:12:41,510
in your community.

356
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,090
About CCPT,

357
00:12:44,570 --> 00:12:45,820
about child development,

358
00:12:46,340 --> 00:12:46,950
about

359
00:12:47,179 --> 00:12:48,640
parenting skills,

360
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:49,799
about

361
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,609
things that they need to be doing differently.

362
00:12:52,549 --> 00:12:53,640
It's awareness,

363
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:54,570
it's perspective,

364
00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:55,520
it's objectivity.

365
00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:57,489
What do parents need to know?

366
00:12:58,960 --> 00:12:59,650
If you know it,

367
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:00,549
you should share it.

368
00:13:01,719 --> 00:13:03,200
With knowledge comes responsibility,

369
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:03,679
right?

370
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,630
We need to be giving this stuff to parents.

371
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,969
That should be one of your number one goals for 2025.

372
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:14,260
How do I help parents?

373
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,330
Interact with children better.

374
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:18,809
OK,

375
00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:19,679
so that was,

376
00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:21,030
that was your bonus freebie.

377
00:13:21,729 --> 00:13:21,929
Yes,

378
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:22,760
absolutely,

379
00:13:22,849 --> 00:13:23,250
Michelle,

380
00:13:23,309 --> 00:13:25,650
you should be doing workshops with parents and guardians.

381
00:13:26,489 --> 00:13:27,450
And

382
00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:29,250
you have to

383
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:30,380
give them the why.

384
00:13:31,229 --> 00:13:31,869
As always,

385
00:13:31,989 --> 00:13:33,289
the why matters.

386
00:13:33,669 --> 00:13:35,219
Why do we not.

387
00:13:36,179 --> 00:13:37,570
Tell a teacher that

388
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:39,679
their child can't take a test.

389
00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:41,489
Why should we not

390
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,299
not take a child to school when it's raining?

391
00:13:45,549 --> 00:13:46,909
Why should we not

392
00:13:47,309 --> 00:13:50,900
rescue a child from their peer group because someone's being mean to them?

393
00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:53,929
They need to understand the why.

394
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,119
So that becomes your advocacy,

395
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:58,919
that becomes your psycho education.

396
00:14:00,609 --> 00:14:02,869
Walk them through all of the benefits

397
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:04,460
of figuring things out,

398
00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:06,830
walk them through building an emotional vocabulary,

399
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,619
walk them through the power of choice giving,

400
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,109
returning responsibility,

401
00:14:10,239 --> 00:14:10,880
encouragement,

402
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:11,799
esteem building.

403
00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:13,530
And on and on.

404
00:14:14,539 --> 00:14:14,739
All right,

405
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:15,669
and then finally.

406
00:14:17,010 --> 00:14:19,130
I have a client who consistently room wrecks.

407
00:14:19,179 --> 00:14:20,950
I've worked with clients who do this in the past,

408
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,599
but they usually work through it after 2 to 3 sessions.

409
00:14:23,770 --> 00:14:24,039
However,

410
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,150
this client has engaged in the same play

411
00:14:26,549 --> 00:14:27,869
up to session 6.

412
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,479
I've had a review with mom where she questioned me on

413
00:14:30,479 --> 00:14:33,000
this as he told her what he did during sessions.

414
00:14:33,159 --> 00:14:35,840
I explained that the playroom is a permissive space where children are

415
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,510
fully accepted and that I don't have issues with messy play,

416
00:14:38,799 --> 00:14:41,429
but I'm concerned that I might be missing something in the room with him.

417
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:42,710
I reflect content,

418
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:43,039
feelings,

419
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,200
set limits when necessary,

420
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:44,609
etc.

421
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,440
and I'm exclusively CCPT.

422
00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:47,700
All right,

423
00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:48,289
so

424
00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:49,609
my rule of thumb

425
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:54,289
is if a child room wrecks for that many sessions in a row,

426
00:14:54,940 --> 00:14:56,950
they are likely stuck for some reason

427
00:14:57,489 --> 00:15:00,460
because I agree with you most of the time 2 or 3 sessions

428
00:15:00,739 --> 00:15:01,809
is all they need,

429
00:15:01,979 --> 00:15:06,650
and or you will see a reduction in the severity and the intensity and the length.

430
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,419
So a child might actually do a little bit of room

431
00:15:09,419 --> 00:15:12,500
wrecking play on maybe the 4th or 5th or 6th session.

432
00:15:13,030 --> 00:15:16,580
But it's not the entire time and it's not a complete room wreck.

433
00:15:16,710 --> 00:15:19,880
It's just I dumped 2 bins on the floor in the last 5 minutes.

434
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,919
Whereas it used to be 45 minutes,

435
00:15:23,169 --> 00:15:24,919
now it's just the last 5 minutes,

436
00:15:24,929 --> 00:15:26,440
we can see the reduction.

437
00:15:26,770 --> 00:15:30,359
So that would mean we don't need to set a limit on that because they're naturally

438
00:15:30,770 --> 00:15:31,849
working through that.

439
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:34,039
If you have an entire session of room

440
00:15:34,039 --> 00:15:37,210
wrecking and nothing else for 6 sessions straight.

441
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:40,609
I would actually set a pseudo limit on that

442
00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:43,299
and give the child a choice because it seems as

443
00:15:43,299 --> 00:15:45,500
though they're a little bit stuck so the way that I've

444
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:49,140
handled that and what other therapists that I've shared this

445
00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:51,510
with have done and what they've come back and told me

446
00:15:51,809 --> 00:15:53,210
that it's very effective,

447
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:56,820
so I think that this is probably something that's worth trying.

448
00:15:57,669 --> 00:15:58,469
If it happens,

449
00:15:58,510 --> 00:15:58,679
you know,

450
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,270
by maybe the 5th session.

451
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:02,419
I typically say

452
00:16:03,289 --> 00:16:05,250
As soon as a child starts to make a mess.

453
00:16:06,489 --> 00:16:07,270
And again,

454
00:16:07,479 --> 00:16:08,640
when we set limits,

455
00:16:08,679 --> 00:16:10,309
sometimes the why is

456
00:16:10,450 --> 00:16:14,030
crucial and this is one of those the why is crucial limits.

457
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:14,789
So

458
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:19,210
the last few times you've put so much stuff on the floor.

459
00:16:19,359 --> 00:16:20,390
Let me pause right there.

460
00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:21,919
Notice that that's neutral.

461
00:16:22,719 --> 00:16:24,890
Notice that I didn't say you've wrecked my room.

462
00:16:25,479 --> 00:16:26,419
That's not neutral.

463
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,219
Notice that I didn't say you've made a mess.

464
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,510
That's not neutral.

465
00:16:31,039 --> 00:16:34,869
Notice that I didn't say you dumped everything out all over the floor,

466
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,289
not neutral.

467
00:16:38,390 --> 00:16:42,669
This is the subtle neutrality that we're talking about in our neutrality series.

468
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:44,619
So,

469
00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:46,049
full acceptance,

470
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:47,969
dying to self,

471
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:49,489
neutrality.

472
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,359
In the last couple of session sessions,

473
00:16:53,369 --> 00:16:55,539
you've put so much stuff on the floor.

474
00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:00,960
But I don't have time to pick all of that up before my next kid.

475
00:17:02,570 --> 00:17:03,489
There's the why

476
00:17:05,749 --> 00:17:06,338
You're,

477
00:17:06,509 --> 00:17:07,659
you're not judging,

478
00:17:07,708 --> 00:17:08,148
blaming,

479
00:17:08,229 --> 00:17:09,178
accusing,

480
00:17:09,588 --> 00:17:09,958
angry,

481
00:17:10,108 --> 00:17:10,558
upset,

482
00:17:10,708 --> 00:17:11,338
none of it.

483
00:17:11,667 --> 00:17:12,979
It's just a fact.

484
00:17:13,308 --> 00:17:16,878
I don't have time to clean all of that up before it's time to play with my next kid.

485
00:17:17,499 --> 00:17:18,178
Leave it there,

486
00:17:18,388 --> 00:17:19,098
see if the child,

487
00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:21,178
if that's enough for the child to stop.

488
00:17:21,788 --> 00:17:24,779
If the child continues to want or need to room wreck,

489
00:17:24,989 --> 00:17:26,229
then you provide choices.

490
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:27,650
Mm,

491
00:17:28,790 --> 00:17:30,939
you really want to put a whole bunch of stuff on the floor,

492
00:17:30,989 --> 00:17:31,500
but remember,

493
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,380
I don't have enough time to clean up

494
00:17:33,869 --> 00:17:34,880
before my next kid.

495
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,420
So if you choose to put stuff on the floor that you're not going to play with.

496
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:39,949
Notice

497
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,150
there's an important piece there.

498
00:17:43,219 --> 00:17:46,380
Because there are plenty of kids that come in and they play with

499
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:47,609
1000 things,

500
00:17:47,739 --> 00:17:49,770
and it looks like a room wreck when they're done,

501
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:51,250
but they actually used it all.

502
00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,280
It was not room wrecking play.

503
00:17:54,489 --> 00:17:56,040
It was not mess making play.

504
00:17:56,250 --> 00:18:00,119
It was just Tasmanian devil going from thing to thing to thing to thing,

505
00:18:00,130 --> 00:18:01,199
and the room looks wrecked,

506
00:18:01,209 --> 00:18:02,359
but they used it all.

507
00:18:03,010 --> 00:18:03,489
So,

508
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:04,510
notice,

509
00:18:05,089 --> 00:18:08,040
if you choose to put things on the floor that you choose not to play with.

510
00:18:09,079 --> 00:18:10,930
You choose to help me clean up

511
00:18:11,219 --> 00:18:12,609
in the last few minutes,

512
00:18:13,140 --> 00:18:15,790
because I won't have time before my next kid.

513
00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:20,900
But if you choose to play with the things that you take out,

514
00:18:21,079 --> 00:18:22,650
you choose for me to clean it up.

515
00:18:24,969 --> 00:18:29,449
And for myself and for all of my coaching participants that have used that strategy,

516
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:31,540
regardless of what the child chooses,

517
00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:34,020
sometimes the child chooses to keep throwing stuff on the

518
00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:36,729
floor anyway because their need is actually to room wreck.

519
00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:41,410
That choice will not inhibit a kid that needs to make a mess.

520
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:44,540
So if the child chooses to continue to make a mess,

521
00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:46,310
then at the 10 minute mark,

522
00:18:46,349 --> 00:18:47,079
you say

523
00:18:47,489 --> 00:18:50,119
you chose to put things on the floor that you didn't play with,

524
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,959
so you've chosen to help me clean up.

525
00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:54,790
And then you work on cleaning up together.

526
00:18:55,959 --> 00:18:56,349
However,

527
00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:58,270
there are some kids that'll be like,

528
00:18:58,750 --> 00:18:59,430
OK,

529
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,880
and then they don't put one more thing on the floor that they

530
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:06,189
don't play with because it wasn't about needing to make a mess.

531
00:19:06,439 --> 00:19:07,589
It was about something else.

532
00:19:09,010 --> 00:19:10,819
So that is the way that I've handled it.

533
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:13,150
That has been very effective for me and other

534
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:15,540
coaching participants that have used that strategy as well.

535
00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:15,939
So

536
00:19:16,390 --> 00:19:19,310
I hope that maybe some of you all can implement that and

537
00:19:19,630 --> 00:19:20,390
give me some feedback.

538
00:19:20,469 --> 00:19:21,979
I'd love to hear from you if you

539
00:19:22,199 --> 00:19:23,390
do set that limit,

540
00:19:23,709 --> 00:19:25,219
let me know how that goes.

541
00:19:25,839 --> 00:19:25,949
All right,

542
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:26,390
Michelle,

543
00:19:26,430 --> 00:19:28,739
thank you so much for the email and all the questions,

544
00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:30,569
and thank you to each and every one of you.

545
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:31,150
I love you all.

546
00:19:31,189 --> 00:19:32,040
We'll talk again soon.

547
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:32,560
Bye.

548
00:19:33,469 --> 00:19:36,229
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

549
00:19:36,390 --> 00:19:37,310
Brenna Hicks.

550
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,430
For more episodes and resources,

551
00:19:39,550 --> 00:19:44,310
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.