Kathy & Susan on Exit Plans and Sex for the First Time | Golden Hour

00:00:07
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks so much for joining us again. Kathy and I are so excited to be back. How are you today, Kat?

00:00:17
Speaker 2: Ugh, Well, I'm okay, except you know, I sprained my back because I had to decorate for Christmas early, so I was lugging the tree and so you know, I need some pain meds not on it yet, but I'm getting them.

00:00:28
Speaker 1: I too like to put my trees up, yeah, because it feels so rushed afterwards and then between traveling a little bit. Because I'm excited about what's coming up for me in Las Vegas. I have to have everything done before I get I think I actually gave you the idea to get that tree. I'm sorry.

00:00:48
Speaker 2: Oh no, I've had a tree in my garage every year. I haven't put up for the last few years because I've been out of town. But this year I'm going to be home and I thought, you know, why not get it done early. So that's how I sprain in my back. But I actually love if I'm going to put Christmas decorations. You know, I know people complain about get through Thanksgiving first, but you show me where that's written anywhere in the Torah in the Bible anywhere, there's no rule that says you cannot put a Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving.

00:01:20
Speaker 1: I like it up on Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving happens to be one of my favorite holidays because the tree is up, it does feel festive. But there's no gift exchange in chaos. It's just being with family or friends and saying something that you're grateful for. I make everybody go around the table.

00:01:41
Speaker 3: We do that.

00:01:42
Speaker 1: We say grace and say something you're thankful for. And so many years and kids are like, Mom, I'm thankful for my mom cooking.

00:01:49
Speaker 3: You know.

00:01:51
Speaker 2: Okay, you know what, as long as you're thankful and grateful for something, that's what this season is all about as far as I'm concerned. So you know what, if they're greatfully got to sleep in an extra ten minutes, go kids.

00:02:02
Speaker 3: You go for it. Ten minutes, ten minutes. So okay.

00:02:06
Speaker 2: So we also we know that people that listen to us in Bachelor Nation, you and I do a lot of coffee talks, especially when we're traveling, and we love doing that because we just put on bathrobes, whether we're in a hotel, at your house, my house, we put on bathrooms. We pour coffee, although one time we did get caught with empty cups, so we've never pulled that one again. We put coffee or hot tea in those cups and we just sit and talk about anything, and and people think that we staged that we that we run the camera and then edit.

00:02:40
Speaker 1: We have you seen my hair in these coffee talks? I mean, it's pretty obvious that I just rolled over put the robe on.

00:02:48
Speaker 2: But I mean, I mean, in terms of what we talk about, it it's just you say something, it rolls off. So so you know, we we love that, and we we're glad that we entertain you guys, and we hope that they that we give you some good advice.

00:03:02
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:03:03
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And we're going to do one right here, all right. I'm going to have my hair crazy and my robe on because we don't get to see each other that much, but although we make it a point like we can't go that long without visiting.

00:03:16
Speaker 2: That's what I'm giving things for this year. My family and my friends get me through another year. And you know, how lucky are we to have such good friendships.

00:03:26
Speaker 1: And we're blessed. We're really blessed, all right, then, so do you want to get started? Okay, since this is a podcast all about advice, we're going to answer some of our most asked questions, starting with dating and relationships. All right, Kathy, do you want to read the first one for us?

00:03:44
Speaker 2: All right, here we go. How do you know? Oh boy, how do you know if marriage is ripe for you?

00:03:53
Speaker 3: Now?

00:03:53
Speaker 2: I could let me just say, I could start out with a joke saying, as soon as I find the guy, I'll let you know of marriages, right, but I'm going to defer to you God.

00:04:01
Speaker 1: That always helps when you do have the guy that How do you know if marriage is right for you?

00:04:07
Speaker 3: I'm getting the second time around. We're talking second time around here, right?

00:04:10
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know, are we? I mean, yes, you're all are so we have to be right, ok right, right ahead? How do you know if it's right for you? It's a feeling. I guess it's something that you have to know. That's a tough question because now today that I'm sixty eight, I'm still sixty eight for a few more months. People, I don't know if marriage is that like signing the paper is that important? As I prefer to just have somebody in my life. When you get married in your golden years, there's a lot of red tape that's going to happen, whether it's pre nups or you know what, do you think?

00:04:53
Speaker 2: Well, I think that again, I'm not in the position to have to consider it. But one thing I've learned in my golden years is to never say never. So I would never say that I will never. How many nevers can I say? Get married again? But I do think at our age, we're not raising children, we're not having children, we're not at starting careers, and I think those are things that when you're married younger, those are all things you consider where you're going to live, although you do that in your golden years too, but what careers you're going to have, who's going to manage the kids, how are you going to handle all those things, finances when you're in your golden years. To me, it's more of a conscious decision. I personally don't think you know if marriage is right for you as a golden I think it's a conscious decision. You decide, or I would decide, you know what, I want to spend the rest of my days with this person. I want him to be integrated fully into my life, and in my mind that would include marriage.

00:05:59
Speaker 1: I'm not about like a commitment ceremony, just committing to one another.

00:06:04
Speaker 2: So I think at our age, that's a very reasonable, a really reasonable idea. Why not just commit to each other. I think I'm a little old fashioned here, Susan, and I know I'm gonna take heat for this too. I think it's so easy if you don't have a legal marriage, to say, you know what and the horse you rode in on. So in other words, yes, I think it's very easy to toss in the towel when you just have a commitment ceremony. I think marriage makes you think a little bit more about whether you.

00:06:42
Speaker 1: Marriage being a legal marriage.

00:06:44
Speaker 2: Yes, because because I do believe that once you're married, you're going to think a little more about do I want to stay in this or get out of this? Now, hopefully on the second time around, we both have learned. I mean, you're divorced, I'm a widow, but you I would think that we would know what it would take for the man to be the man that we would commit marriage to.

00:07:13
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know now, I don't think I would do it.

00:07:16
Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying is it's easier to pack your things and leave because there's no legal bind right. However, divorce is so easy today too, when you're both in the same place. It's like boom boom, you sign papers. It is a little bit more.

00:07:31
Speaker 2: Well, again, we have we have some amount of wealth, some amount of resources, property, real property, homes, I mean at least hopefully one home, all those things that we've amassed or hopefully amassed in our in our lifetime. I think that those things unless you do a prenup and then you get into a lot of legal you know, so I.

00:07:57
Speaker 1: Don't know, living with some one and committing to somebody and living in the same house you decide which one that's going to be, or you're buying a new one together, right, that's a whole nother entity in this, if you will, right, and walking away is meaning you're going to have to go find a place to live.

00:08:17
Speaker 3: So either way, it's I just think I think it's the way.

00:08:20
Speaker 1: Why are we talking about ending it before we're talking about the exit. We didn't even get in yet.

00:08:27
Speaker 2: Well, that's right, because because we are of an age, Susan that we know if we get into something we need to have a strategic exit. Really, that's why we're smarter.

00:08:38
Speaker 1: We know if you were about to go into with somebody, you're already going to prethink that.

00:08:43
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I'm saying, before I commit to marriage, I'm going to understand that things can go south sometimes.

00:08:50
Speaker 1: And if it did, this is what will happen.

00:08:52
Speaker 2: Right, and younger people when they get married, I don't think they think that hard.

00:08:57
Speaker 1: Think that way. They shouldn't.

00:08:58
Speaker 2: Right, really, okay, now, before we get married, what about having sex?

00:09:03
Speaker 1: Yes, when is it appropriate to have sex for the first time with someone you are seeing? And I might be on the opposite ends of the spectrum here, but you know, if you asked the first question I asked this one, you go first.

00:09:19
Speaker 2: You know what that's I was just going to say, you jumped in there. I was trying to jump in and aunce the questions so you'd have to answer.

00:09:25
Speaker 1: I noticed.

00:09:27
Speaker 3: Okay, when you know what.

00:09:29
Speaker 2: I don't think at our age there is an appropriate or inappropriate time we have sex for the first time. I think that is a very personal decision about when you might have sex for the first time. I you know, if anyone's interested, I will not have sex on the first date. If it's a weekend date, I'm not having sex that first weekend date. I got to feel my my rule of thumb always is I'm only having sex with a man that I'm either in a relationship with or what I'm pretty sure I'm tend to be into. There's a strong potential to be in a relationship.

00:10:09
Speaker 1: Absolutely, what about get and I've read all the books you're supposed to wait, I think it was the fifth date or something you have to date five times? You know what, it is a personal thing. Some women just like to have sex. For me, personally, I happen to agree with you. It's somebody that there's a potential relationship starting, and I have a conversation first. You know what I'm saying, like where you're at or where I'm at in this before we sleep together, because once you do, it changes everything for me.

00:10:43
Speaker 2: Well for women it does, I think, Yeah, although maybe so less so at our age. But now I'm going to go you know me, I'm going to dig a little deeper.

00:10:51
Speaker 3: Hair.

00:10:51
Speaker 2: Suis do you require before you sleep with the man that he is a condom or or that he has blood work to make sure he has no sexually transmitted disease.

00:11:10
Speaker 1: So not that I've slept with dozens of people. However, I have a conversation. Yes, I know that I'm tested every year from my gynecologists, and I know I'm good, and I do have a conversation. No, Kathy, to answer your question, I don't make them prepare paperwork, a legal document stating that they are clean. I don't. Maybe sounds taking chances, but that's okay.

00:11:35
Speaker 3: I have.

00:11:37
Speaker 2: Again, it's not like I've slept with the US Army or anything. But the men I have slept with, I either know them well enough and trust them that when they say they haven't slept with anyone or whatever the time period has been, then I feel secure.

00:11:53
Speaker 3: However, lie right, they could lie.

00:11:56
Speaker 2: But that's my point. I'm not getting in bed with someone who I think is a liar. So I've got a really good sense about somebody. That's why I don't sleep with a guy on the first or second date. I have to get to know him, and if I'm not sure, oh yeah, I'm asking for blood work. Yep, I am, and I have not only would I I have? Oh well, I just want to keep you know, doctors in labs in business.

00:12:23
Speaker 1: You know what, I don't want to take any chances. I mean, yes, it's our last chapter. However, I'm not going to screw that up and sleep with somebody that has an STD or well. But but I'm just going to be honest hurt my health.

00:12:34
Speaker 2: You know again, you know, I'm not trying to dig too deeply. But you you said it. If you just have a conversation with someone and you're not in that deeply with them, yet you're not in that deeper relationship where you're not there's you know, what's this toop a guy from saying or a woman frankly from saying, you know, I'm fine, when really maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I I don't and you know I to anyone who might say turn around's fair play, you're absolutely right. I also get tested every year because that's a smart, reasonable thing to do.

00:13:10
Speaker 3: But I do think that some women.

00:13:15
Speaker 2: You know, I read I read a I don't remember where I read it, but that in fifty five and over like not not communities, but yes.

00:13:23
Speaker 1: Community are the one that we don't say it.

00:13:26
Speaker 2: Don't say it, don't say to that that there are communities where STDs the percent is rampant. So you know, everyone can say, oh, I'm clean, I'm this, I'm that, and maybe they are, maybe they aren't.

00:13:39
Speaker 3: So in my in my world, I'm getting up tested.

00:13:42
Speaker 1: That's score is something we heard or read? Is it true? We don't know.

00:13:46
Speaker 2: I've read it several times on my liable news sources.

00:13:49
Speaker 1: Yes, I am imagining that that could happen these people in these close retirement communities.

00:13:55
Speaker 2: But you know what happens, Yeah, because they haven't been because they have set they have STDs, and they're spreading them. Therefore, my PSA for the day is go get tested everyone before you.

00:14:07
Speaker 3: Okay, we've had.

00:14:10
Speaker 1: This conversation before. Do you hear this one?

00:14:13
Speaker 3: Guys?

00:14:13
Speaker 2: What changes when you're dating someone with pets? I can tell you the date's end. I mean, wait, can I I know it's your turn, but can I just you know this story. I dated a guy for like ten months who was a very nice guy. He had some issues, don't we all. But when I broke up with him, I said there were other reasons, but I said to him, your dog is first in your life. Your dog is second in your life. Your computer is third in your life. Your daughter's fourth. In your life, and I'm a very distant fifth Like that guy would not have a date with me, Like let's go to dinner at at six, or let's go to an early movie at five and have did Oh I can't. I have to feed the dog at five, eight sheets every day at five. I'm like, oh my god, what the dog does?

00:15:04
Speaker 1: That? Have no deal? Like if you've met somebody and they have a pet.

00:15:07
Speaker 2: Would you No, it's not a no deal. It's not a deal breaker for me. But I've had two men twice that put their animals before me.

00:15:17
Speaker 3: What about you? I want to hear what you think.

00:15:18
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, to look at you because you have cats and great ones too. You don't have to be there every minute because cats can be left a little longer than a dog. When you have a dog. To me, I mean, I've had dogs forever raison my family and always had a dog. Right now, I don't, mainly because I don't want that responsibility. I come and go as I please. And for me, dating somebody with an animal, it can be annoying because they can't go on that trip because they don't have anybody to watch their dog. Or if you're out and about with a girlfriend and we go, let's keep going, let's just spend the night. We're having a great time. We'll get a room. But I can't. I got to go home to the dog. It is a huge responsibility. And I know people love their pets. I loved mine. They're a part of your family. But it makes things a little more difficult. It's one more thing you have to set up and arrange before you can do what you want to do.

00:16:20
Speaker 2: So so talk about where there's a will, there's a way. I have neighbors that watch my cat. I have a pet service that I can call so to set up. Yes, well that's what if you if you want a date when you have a dog, get it set up. So the guy I dated had a dog door so his dog could come and go in his friend's Yard's fabulous, but he still wouldn't do it because you know, the dog needs to eat at five oh one pm, not five, not five oh two, five oh one pm. So for me, it's not a deal breaker. But I will say to you that I make sure my pets, my Jerry after cats who are very sweet, are taken care of. It does not stop me from traveling dating. I pay someone to come in.

00:17:10
Speaker 1: There is another thing, ken, I'm going to say out loud. And my boyfriend has a dog. Yeah, she's a great dog, and it has been a problem when he couldn't come because he couldn't get a dog sit her. But my biggest dick is the hair. If you have an animal that sheds, no matter cat, dog, I don't care what it is. If it sheds, you ought to clean it every single.

00:17:41
Speaker 3: Okay, So now we're getting down to it, Susan.

00:17:43
Speaker 2: It's not about the responsibility or the poor dog being lonely.

00:17:47
Speaker 3: I know we're going to get to it.

00:17:50
Speaker 2: She doesn't want dog hair, and that's the deal breaking for if they've got a dog, it better be a hairless dog.

00:17:57
Speaker 3: No something doodle that doesn't share.

00:18:00
Speaker 1: There great dogs because and my dogs were also dander free and they did not shed. But a lot of times if you're over someone's house and you go to sit down, I don't want to be rude, but there's dog hair or cat hair everywhere, and they have a sheet over the furniture. Okay, that's great, remove it before you invite me in to sit down. Now you want me to sit on that sheet? And my girlfriend Karen. I love her, and she had this cute little dog in these deceased god bust, but he had short, wiry hair, like really short. I would get in her car and I'd say, are you getting me?

00:18:41
Speaker 3: Are you sure that was some pubic hair? Where did that come from?

00:18:45
Speaker 1: It's crazy, I mean, and you go.

00:18:49
Speaker 3: I hear you cat hair. I mean I have two cats, and one's long haired.

00:18:53
Speaker 1: I never see hair in your house ever. I've never held a little box because you know, I would say it, because.

00:19:00
Speaker 2: So I cleaned my litter boxes twice a day. I vacuum the camere, I brushed the cats outside, take the air off. But I still say all of those things are doable with a guy who has pets. The problem for me is when the pet in short, the problem for me is when the pets is more important than I am. Yes, and I and that is that's a conversation I have really pretty quickly on And that was one of the reasons, one of the many reasons.

00:19:33
Speaker 1: It's not just pets that comes with anything. Like you were saying earlier, I remember me when I met my husband, Dickie, my ex husband, baseball came first.

00:19:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's different.

00:19:46
Speaker 1: That's his career.

00:19:47
Speaker 3: That's a career. Yes, that's different.

00:19:49
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're going to tell me that the chihuahua is coming before me, all.

00:19:56
Speaker 2: Right, So the answer is we're not getting any more pets, and we're gonna we're gonna make guys take a lie detector about how important their pets are to them before we get in.

00:20:05
Speaker 1: To just go to show me how much they clean up after them.

00:20:08
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, I want to move on to a different subject because okay for me, transitioning totally different topic here, but transitioning from a parent to a grandparent. You and I I have five grandchildren, and those of you who listen to my podcast, our podcast, I've always said I have two granddaughters. Well I do, but I also have three step grandsons, but they're not step I love them too. So I now have five grandchildren. But I want to how is it for you going from parent to grandparent? And like how the differences in raising is kids versus grandparent's better?

00:20:47
Speaker 1: It's so much easier. I mean, I worry about them like I do my own children, but it's more fun if you will because you don't have them on a full time basis. When you see them, it's always an exciting moment. As a matter of fact, I'm going down my granddaughter, Bella Isabella is turning thirteen on Friday, and that's the one that I promised the Paris trip to blah blah blah, we're going in the spring. So I'm going down to Virginia to my daughter's house to visit with her, and we're going out to dinner on Friday. But I thought it would be so exciting to take the four year old. My daughter has a four year old and my son has a four year old. They are like besties, but they don't get to see each other often. So I called my daughter in law and said, what do you think I might take Stella with me for a couple of days for a road trip. We're going. She goes, oh my god, I can't even tell her yet. She'll drive me crazy until Thursday. So she must have shared it with my son. My son texts me last night and said, Mom, could you do it now, Facetimer because I want to watch her face when you tell her what he has. So long story short, I said, Stella, Mimi's going to go to Virginia to Brittany's da da da, Do you want to come? And the big eyes and she's shaking her head. Yes, yes, I said, Friday is Isabella's birthday and we're going to go out to dinner because which she says, well, oh, should I pack a dress? I said absolutely.

00:22:15
Speaker 2: So that so your grandchildren, well, my grandsons are older, yes, and and they're you know, I've only known them almost two years, because that's how long Kyle and Candy have been married almost two years. And they're great kids. And but you know, boys, they're into sports there they all take music lessons, they do four age I mean, these boys. I don't know how Kyle and Candy do it because my kids were busy. I will say my kids played piano, they all did sports. But now watching my kids do it with their kids is crazy. And then and then my two granddaughters, one is seven and one is two and a half. And the two and a half year old, I guess for me, it's it's so fun to get to relive my two and a half year old Reese is this is her first Christmas that you knows what's going on. And I was showing her we're going to do a little Christmas velcrow tree. Tonight I got for her to put the ornaments on her eyes. When I was facetiming to this morning, she was like ada, a present, a stocking, like all the little things to hang up. And I think, for me, I'm really enjoying seeing the wonderment in my grandkid's eyes. It's such a gift to see that all over again, because when they're your children, you love seeing those things, but you're so busy cooking and making sure the clothes are clean. When it's your grandchildren, it's just you really get to see, especially this time of year, you get to see the magic of this season and just watch their eyes and I love it.

00:23:55
Speaker 3: It's also like second I'm home at.

00:23:56
Speaker 1: The end of the night, Yeah exactly, And I feel as if when I have to discipline, I do with grandchildren, but that is not my job. I get to spoil them a little more than being a parent.

00:24:10
Speaker 3: As you wait, are you wait well, Susan?

00:24:14
Speaker 2: Are you the me me that gives kids your grandkids cookies before dinner?

00:24:18
Speaker 3: Are you one of.

00:24:19
Speaker 1: Those maybe stream cheese? Well, hell, that's dinner, I ask, Okay, I have one for us, all right? How do you manage integrating families when dating later in life and or marrying a second time. So he has a family, You have a family.

00:24:39
Speaker 3: I got to tell you from again.

00:24:41
Speaker 2: My experience, I think is different than yours because when I first started dating after my husband Darryl died, uh, my daughter was not interested in seeing a meeting or anything not in the beginning. But now now they're all on board. If I meet someone to bringing them home and sharing holidays.

00:25:03
Speaker 3: Here's the thing until it happens. Well, no, I don't think so. I think my kids are already. I hear you.

00:25:11
Speaker 2: I think my kids are. I'm going to ask you that in a minute, so get your answer ready. But I think that my kids are ready. I think the bigger issue is when you have two sets of children and probably two sets of grandchildren, mine and his right.

00:25:28
Speaker 3: Well, think about it.

00:25:30
Speaker 2: My kids aren't going to travel to you know, East Overshoe, Wisconsin to spend the holiday with his kids. So I think realistically, you have to be prepared that holidays might be tricky. You might not get to spend every holiday with each other or your children. You might have to say this year, you know, let's call them John, I'm going to spend the holiday with you, John and your kids, and next year I'm going to spend it with my kids. I think you have to be pliable, you have to be flexible. You have to be willing to make some decisions that you wouldn't have made when they're your children.

00:26:07
Speaker 1: Absolutely okay. Like this Thanksgiving, I thought my daughter in law son would be here because they're rollways here and they go, no, Mom, we do it every other year. Remember we're going to Jesice, but we'll be at your house Christmas all day, but we won't be there Thanksgiving. That part, yes, I take. I understand that's your own family. Say yes. When you're in love with somebody else and he has a family too, And if you were in the same state, gush, it would make it a lot easier.

00:26:35
Speaker 3: Unless it's Texas could be a ten hour drive.

00:26:37
Speaker 1: To Florida's like that too, When do you say, Okay, guys, I'm not going to have Christmas dinner because I want to spend it with his family this year. I don't know that I can do that.

00:26:58
Speaker 2: I could, I'll tell you why I could, Because if I find the guy that I love, then it will be equally important to me. To share those experiences with him and his family. Of course, the ideal thing would be for both families to get together, but that's not always logical, or especially.

00:27:18
Speaker 1: In my case, one lives on a land.

00:27:21
Speaker 3: You know, it's just not always possible.

00:27:24
Speaker 2: But I would want to make my partner happy and I would want I would want us to share some holidays together. So yeah, I would be willing to give up. And of course for me, because my son is divorced, the one that's remarried now.

00:27:40
Speaker 3: My older granddaughter, I don't.

00:27:42
Speaker 2: Get to see her every holiday, so you know, I'm sort of used to it in that way. Again, I think marriage relationships, dating holidays at our age just brings another layer of difficulty. It's manageable, doable, but it's those conversations said, if you don't have them up front, it can get pretty sticky once you're knee deep in the relations exactly.

00:28:07
Speaker 1: I've known people that actually celebrate the day on a different day so that she could have her whole family there there. Christmas was like the weekend before, or or a couple of days after, whatever the case may be, and that was just as important to her because she had everybody there and it helped her children not to split it. I remember, like people pack up their kids. They come here for three hours, and they got to pack them all up again and go over there for three hours. And it's difficult.

00:28:38
Speaker 2: And that's why said, if you can be flexible, you know, you can do Thanksgiving.

00:28:44
Speaker 3: Uh. You know, Canadian Thanksgiving is a different day than.

00:28:48
Speaker 1: A different ones.

00:28:49
Speaker 2: This sounds pick another day, folks. You know, be flexible here. What about the big one for me? What about becoming an empty nest?

00:29:00
Speaker 1: I mean I got to put an input in here, Kathy. I remember the story you told me how to sell the freaking house. I can't live here anymore. I'll tell you.

00:29:09
Speaker 2: When we bought that house in Austin, it was this huge family house. It had I think it was six bedrooms, five and a half baths, a big pull out in the backyard to get a summer kitchen. I mean, it was the house that I was going to have every Christmas in with my husband, the kids, the queen.

00:29:28
Speaker 3: That was the plan.

00:29:30
Speaker 2: And then when the last one went off to college and the others were not coming home they had internships in the summer, they you know, they weren't coming home. I would go up there because upstairs were three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a playroom. It was like the kids whole thing up here. They're sweet exactly, and I would walk into the rooms and I would just start to cry.

00:29:51
Speaker 3: You know.

00:29:52
Speaker 2: There was all their memorabilia from high school and there. I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.

00:29:57
Speaker 3: So I saw. I said, you guys, sell the house. He's like, what, that's what you said?

00:30:03
Speaker 2: You wanted this house? You were, I said, yep. Four years later, out the door I was. And you know what, Susan, I never looked back because to.

00:30:12
Speaker 1: Me, that's something you needed to do.

00:30:14
Speaker 2: But but an empty nester, for me, the hardest part, if I'm being honest, was the first year my last child went to college. Then I kind of got used to it.

00:30:29
Speaker 3: I don't know.

00:30:29
Speaker 2: I can't tell you why, other than they didn't come home that much. They came home for holidays and such, but it was they didn't come home for summers anymore. And but I really struggled.

00:30:40
Speaker 3: Did you struggle.

00:30:41
Speaker 1: There's a lot of people that struggle with empty nesters, and I feel as if they're the kind of people that don't think about their own lives, because that's when.

00:30:52
Speaker 2: You're like, did I just hold on? Did you are you just saying that I didn't think about my own life.

00:30:57
Speaker 1: No, you just thought about getting another house like I to remove myself from this place. But to me it was hard. I remember crying when they went off to college and they were moving the Florida to Brittany. But I still have the boys. And then the boys only one went. The other one hung around, so it was never really empty. But when it finally was, I was like, oh, I'm cleaning that room, Kathy k I was disgusting me.

00:31:24
Speaker 2: Just for all of you who don't know Susan Knowles well enough, let me just let me give you the down and dirty hair. Most things to Susan can be boiled down to is it clean. If it's clean, Susan can live with it. If it's not clean, she's out.

00:31:39
Speaker 1: And I'm not a germaphobic, but maybe I am. I'm not a freak. I just like things in my house.

00:31:45
Speaker 3: And everyone else's house.

00:31:47
Speaker 1: I'll clean yours. I don't care. But so I missed them, but I got used to it, and it was like I look forward to when I'm going to see them. But I liked not having them underfoot I like not tripping over somebody sneakers walking in the door, or their baseball glove or Britney's dance shoes or the ill.

00:32:10
Speaker 2: I will say what you just alluded to a minute ago, the fact that when we become empty nesters, it is a golden, no pun intended opportunity for us to rediscover ourselves, to rediscover our relationships with our husband or our partners, our wives, whatever. It is an opportunity to take up new.

00:32:34
Speaker 1: New hobby, fun things. You're going to have fine now because you're not worried about even adult kids. You have to keep up after.

00:32:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, so it's You're right, it is. It is another stepping stone. It's another chapter of our lives. And I think once you accepted and embraced that chapter, it doesn't feel so sad anymore. It is, but the initial, the initial abrupt when that last one leave house, whether it's for a job, college, whatever it is, it's like, wow, it's really quiet, and here it is.

00:33:07
Speaker 1: It's true. And I was going to say something, but I didn't want it interr up. Also, you just don't know just when you get out of the depressed part and you're cleaning up and everything's yours now and you're doing it your way. They come back, and they come back with kids. Sometimes you know, maybe their lives are disrupted in some white mom I need to come home for a while. I was like, oh, okay.

00:33:34
Speaker 3: I remember.

00:33:35
Speaker 2: I remember my son came home to stay with me for a few months before he bought his own home with my granddaughter, and I was up getting her breakfast, you know, at five point thirty six o'clock in the morning.

00:33:49
Speaker 1: But knew the timeline that's more doable. If it's indefinitely, that keeps you.

00:33:56
Speaker 2: I got to say, I never, That's another whole question. I never invited my children to come back and stay indefinitely. When my son got his divorced, it was like sure. I think I said, sure, until you can figure things out. And he knows in my world that means figure things out, which he did very quickly, bought a home, moved in with his daughter.

00:34:17
Speaker 3: I mean, it all went really well.

00:34:19
Speaker 2: But I do think that's a whole other topic about kids coming home to live with you.

00:34:25
Speaker 1: We could do it a whole podcast on that one.

00:34:29
Speaker 3: Did your kids stay and live with you for a while?

00:34:31
Speaker 1: Well, wait, the boys were here, I have a funny story. I was downstairs doing a friend's hair and I was coming up the steps and it was about six thirty and I forget which twin it was Nick or Chris. It had to be Chris. And he goes, yo, Mom, aren't you hungry? I said, yeah, I could eat. Mom at six thirty, I said, yeah, aren't you gonna cook? I go, Okay, family meeting time. It's just all you people that came back. Sit down. Here's the good news. The good news is that freezer is always full. Okay, mommy keeps food.

00:35:11
Speaker 3: I have a question.

00:35:12
Speaker 1: Here's yes. What's a freezer, the freezer, refrigerator and your freeze of cats? I said, here's what I would suggest. When you get up in the morning to go to work, think about what it is that you might want to eat for dinner, take it out of the freezer so it's to frosted, and when you come home prepared. They looked at me, Kathy, I kid you not like I have lost my mind. They go, why will we do that? I got any serious right now, because I will always be your mother, but I'm not your mommy anymore. Then for yourselves, you guys are twenty some years old. Shape it up. I mean I would cook occasionally, but well I cooked seven.

00:35:54
Speaker 3: Nights a week.

00:35:55
Speaker 2: You know, that's another thing with grandkids. When it's children, that's a perfect example of what we were talking about earlier. When children your children, I've got to get and I'm not a great cook. Taco Tuesday, here we come getting food on the table because you know, one had baseball practice, the other one had lacrosse practice, the other one had soccer practice. Boom bang bang bang one right now or yeah, oh thank god for hot dogs at the park. But the but the other thing is now with grandchildren. Just to go back there for a minute. My granddaughters come over. I have little aprons for them. We bake homebake brownies. And even though I'm not a great cook, I'm trying.

00:36:36
Speaker 3: I can bake.

00:36:37
Speaker 2: But I'm also encouraging them to try and get in the kitchen because when my kids were little, we didn't have time to teach them how to crack an egg, or I didn't have time even to crack an egg. It was very rare, and in fact, my kids to this day, my two of my three children are excellent cooks. The oldest one kind of rivals me. Uh, but the the other two are great cooks and they they're self taught.

00:37:03
Speaker 1: I got had an interest. So when they're interested in something like my daughter, I would you would think that she's going to be a fabulous cook. She wanted nothing to.

00:37:12
Speaker 3: Do with because you did it all the time.

00:37:15
Speaker 1: But I have them help my Nick. He'll come over and say, Mom, let's make this together. But I want to do it so I know what I'm doing. Yeah, like he enjoys certain meals that he loves. Okay, let's go.

00:37:27
Speaker 3: I mean I watch.

00:37:28
Speaker 2: I remember when my husband was alive, we went to New York City. My daughter was living in Brooklyn and she lived in an apartment with her roommate. The kitchen was the size of my powder room.

00:37:42
Speaker 1: Oh it's awful in there.

00:37:43
Speaker 3: No wait, I have to tell you.

00:37:45
Speaker 2: I she cooked and a roommate cooked this entire meal. My husband helped with the turkey in this tiny little shoe box of a kitchen, and they set up a card table to mix things.

00:37:58
Speaker 3: It was. It was unbelos impressive. But you know what it did to me. It depressed me because I have this huge kitchen.

00:38:05
Speaker 1: That it's spotless. Girls, it's spotless and you know what, Kathy, I dare say this. We have another segment, but I think we should save it for a whole episode. It's about aging and I have a lot.

00:38:19
Speaker 3: To sag aging. What's that?

00:38:23
Speaker 1: What do you think?

00:38:25
Speaker 2: I think we should do it another time because the talk, the talk of marriage of children of grandchildren.

00:38:33
Speaker 3: I need a nap, Paul in one day.

00:38:35
Speaker 1: An aging thing is a whole another story and I've got a lot to say. So with that being said, we just want to thank you all so much for joining us today. I hope you enjoyed this chat. Be sure to follow us a Bachelor Happy Hour as we have new episodes coming out every single week you won't want to miss.

00:38:58
Speaker 2: And make sure to submit your question to us. You can go to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour, or hit us up on socials at Bachelor Happy Hour.

00:39:08
Speaker 1: Absolutely listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your podcast until next time.

00:39:16
Speaker 3: Or until your next marriage or your kids move back home. Have a great week.