208 | Session Savvy: Avoiding Value-Laden Words in Child-Centered Play Therapy

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class and child-centered play therapy

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and practical support

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and application for your work with children and their families.

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In today's episode, we are diving into another Session Savvy series episode

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where we have been looking at subtle things that we say in

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the playroom that are not fully adherent to the CCPT model

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and making sure that we are aware of those so that we can combat them.

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So in today's episode, we're going to dive into saying things like

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the right place or that looks good

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or you wanted the perfect spot something along those lines

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and if you'll notice those are all value

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laden words.

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So, although they are not related to the praise versus encouragement concept,

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they are still words that we would not want to use in a CCPT playroom.

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So we're going to dive into that. However, before we do,

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I wanted to give you all an update

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as many of, you know, hurricane Helene hit Florida

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two weeks ago and while my home was not affected other than some small debris,

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many of our friends and family members have been affected.

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Many people have been completely displaced.

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Many have had no power for a very long time. Many of their homes have been flooded. So

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the west coast of the Tampa area was hit very hard.

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Actually the west coast of all of Florida, but

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I'm in

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the Tampa Bay area on the west coast. So

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that was hit closer to the Gulf and we're a little ways inland.

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So it didn't impact as much.

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We are now looking this week at hurricane Milton hitting and

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it looks like it's going to be a pretty direct hit.

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It either is going to land just south of us or directly in the Tampa Bay area.

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So for those of you who have reached out and checked in and asked how we are.

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Thank you for that. Thank you for the emails and the messages.

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We are hunkered down. We have done all the prep that we can do

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and we are praying for the best and I just want to

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let you all know that I'll keep you updated as I'm able,

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I don't know if we will have internet.

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I don't know if we'll have power. I have no idea what's going to happen.

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It's supposed to hit late Wednesday evening into Thursday morning.

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So for those of you that are part of the Collective,

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I'm not sure if I'll be able to do a Collective call Thursday or Friday.

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I'm not sure how many podcast episodes I can get out this week.

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Everything is a little bit up in the air. So

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just please be patient and know that as soon as

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I'm able to re engage and get back online,

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I will.

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Thanks for your prayers. Thanks for your thoughts.

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It really does mean a lot to me and my family

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that you all are constantly checking in and,

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and making sure that we're ok.

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And when you know things are going on, you always want updates. So

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I so much love you all and appreciate you.

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So I will do my best to keep you aware of what's going on as it unfolds.

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Ok?

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So let's get into the idea of using value

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laden words in other contexts in the playroom because

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I think as a general rule,

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we have become pretty adept at not using praise statements in the play sessions.

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And for those of you that may not be familiar with praise versus encouragement,

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that means that you have not listened to my podcast in order. So welcome.

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But please go back to episode one

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for those of you that have gone through the whole process with me.

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Obviously, encouragement always focuses on the effort and the contribution,

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not the outcome and it has no value laden words attached to it.

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So

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we usually as a general rule, even in the video session, play sessions that I review,

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I don't see a lot of praise statements being used as a general rule.

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However, what we end up doing is we use value

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in words,

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in other capacities in the playroom.

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And it actually has the same outcome even if it's

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not about our evaluation of what the child has done.

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So let's look at that.

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So I often will hear people say, oh, you wanted to find just the right place for that.

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If a child is intentionally choosing a location for an animal

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or for a figure or a miniature in the sand,

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something else I hear pretty frequently is, oh,

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you wanted to make sure that that looked good

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if they are dressing a baby or they're coloring a painting picture,

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something along those lines or

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oh, you were looking for the perfect spot

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and here's what happens there

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that is still value laden and it is still evaluative.

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And what we can do instead is just to comment on what's happening neutrally.

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That's always the goal even when we're using skills.

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So if we're falling back on one of the four pillars,

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if we're using one of the reflective responses,

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the goal is neutrality,

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that is very intentional in the language of the child-centered model

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because it allows the child to truly be in charge

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and what the child thinks and feels and

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experiences is more important than our opinions.

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So when we say you wanted to find just the right place,

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that means that we think it was the right place

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or you were looking for the perfect spot.

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We think it's a perfect spot or you wanted to make sure that that looked good.

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We think that it's good and here's the danger of that,

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it becomes a context where in the child

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hears

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that

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there no longer is neutrality. Number one,

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but also that there's evaluation on our part.

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So if we said it was the right place, we could have said it was the wrong place.

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If we said it was the perfect spot, we could have said it was a terrible spot.

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And what that does is it puts the focus on our opinions,

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our beliefs

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and for us to be truly child-centered, everything hinges on the child,

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all of our attention, all of our focus is on the child,

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their experience, their emotions, their needs, their desires,

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everything is about them.

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That's why almost every skill that we use starts with the word you,

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every phrase that we say more often than not in a

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playroom starts with you because the child is very clearly the focus

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and our words in our language are very purposeful and intentional.

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So similarly,

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when we are talking about what a child is doing,

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we can be very neutral without evaluation.

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So to exchange some of those phrases that we've already thrown out,

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instead of saying you wanted to find just the right place,

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you could say

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you had a specific place in mind.

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See how that communicates the same thing,

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but it's not evaluative

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or you wanted to make sure it looked good.

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You were making sure you were satisfied with that

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or you want to find the perfect spot,

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you had a spot in mind,

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you worked to find it,

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notice how that just settles differently

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because it's so clear that the child's actions, decisions, thoughts, opinions,

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all of that

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are truly just what they needed or wanted.

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And there's no perception,

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there's no awareness from our end one way or the other to land on either side.

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It just is what it is. You had a specific spot in mind.

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It wasn't perfect or imperfect, it wasn't right or wrong. It was just specific

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and that's a very subtle nuance that actually has a huge impact

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in not only preserving the relationship,

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but also that we adhere to the idea

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that we don't ever want there to be any misinterpretation that we have an agenda

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or that we would have anything in contrast to what the child had in mind.

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So I hope that that challenges you.

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I hope that it encourages you if you're a person that is listening to this going.

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Oh, I think I probably do that. You're in good company. Many people do.

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I watch it on videos quite a bit.

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I've actually compiled this list for this Session

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Savvy series based on all of the things I

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comment in my video reviews and my coaching program.

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So

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I promise that you're not alone if you find yourself going. Oh, yes, I, I do that a lot

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but just something to be mindful of.

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And does it really detrimentally impact a session

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if we use a value laden word in that context?

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Not really.

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But let's remember how important our words are.

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Let's remember how important this language is

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and when we speak about CCPT being a different language,

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when we speak about it, as we have to learn a new way to communicate

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while we're working so hard to use these words and language purposefully.

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Let's make sure that these subtle nuances are thrown in

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with all the rest of the things that we practice.

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Because as much as possible,

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we want our outcomes to be the most favorable and the way

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that we do that is to keep solely focused on the child

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and a value laden word does not allow us to do that.

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All right, y'all. Thanks for listening. Thanks for hanging out with me. I love you.

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I hope that if you are

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in the Florida region that you can do everything you can do to stay safe.

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My prayers are with all of you that have been affected with Helene.

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I know that one up the east coast and many of you are Georgia, Carolina, Tennessee. So

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know that we're all in this together. We'll get through it together. This too.

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This too shall pass. My prayers are with all of you.

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That have been affected or might be from Milton

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and I'll keep you posted as I have updates for you. Talk to you soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.