LOVERS by Shan

Sex Is a Skill. Beducated is where you learn it. Join the world's largest sex school and access 150+ courses for curious adults: https://beduc.at/bg2620-boody 

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In this episode of Lovers, I sit down with my sister Lauren Morrison to say something ick: we both still enjoy attention from men.

While we prepare for Mash Majesty, our section for Toronto Caribbean Carnival, we’ve been having important conversations around what carnival represents for us, and in addition to community and culture, it’s also a day to flirt with the gaze! 

In this episode, we talk about how motherhood, marriage, long-term partnership, and aging can shift the way women experience themselves socially and romantically, especially in a culture that simultaneously rewards female desirability while shaming women for acknowledging that they enjoy it.

Together, we unpack why so many women quietly miss feeling desired, why being loved and being wanted are not always the same emotional experience, and how spaces like Carnival and Mash Majesty can reconnect women to embodiment, visibility, sensuality, play, and freedom without shame.

This episode is deeply personal, but it’s also connected to the spirit behind Mash Majesty itself: creating a space where women can feel expressive, magnetic, joyful, powerful, sensual, seen, and fully alive in their bodies.

If you’ve ever questioned whether it’s shallow to enjoy attention, missed feeling desired in your relationship, or struggled with how motherhood, aging, or partnership changed the way the world responds to you, this conversation is for you.

Join us for Toronto Caribbean Carnival August 1st, 2026

https://tribal.masos.app/events/b73d9cf9-ca8b-4d97-b7c8-a2511cec0b35/sections/db97e350-5840-448f-ba03-ff461464549c

Follow Lauren Morrison

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachlaurenmorrison/→ Get Lauren’s new book https://www.amazon.com/Be-Room-Shrinking-Leading-Purpose/dp/B0FM4HGYSP→ Sign up for a free coaching consultation with Lauren https://www.beintheroomcoaching.com/work-with-lauren

Want more Lover?

Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com 

Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter 

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community 
Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Showing love to our sponsor Arya. You deserve a novelty and pleasure in your intimate, ESPECIALLY in light of Mothers’ Day. Head to https://www.arya.fyi/mothersday to learn more

Sex Is a Skill. Beducated is where you learn it. Join the world's largest sex school and access 150+ courses for curious adults: https://beduc.at/bg2619-boody 

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How much of your attachment style is actually formed in childhood?

In this episode, Shan sits down with renowned psychiatrist and attachment expert Dr. Amir Levine to unpack the myths around attachment theory and why attachment styles are far more flexible than people think.

Dr. Levine explores the nuances of anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment, with a specific emphasis on avoidant attachment and the misconceptions surrounding it in modern dating culture. He explains why attachment is better understood as a belief system rather than a fixed diagnosis, revisits the groundbreaking “Strange Situation” experiment developed by Mary Ainsworth, and shares practical tools like the Tennis Wall of Love and the C.A.R.R.P. method to help build healthier, more secure relationships.

The conversation also explores how technology and modern communication have completely changed the way we connect, date, and experience intimacy today.

Follow Dr. Amir

Take his MasterClass on The Science of Connection → https://www.masterclass.com/classes/the-science-of-connection

Get His New Book Secure → https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/secure-amir-levine/1148276412

Get His Bestselling Book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love → https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/attached-amir-levine/1102355415

Connect with Dr. Amir → https://amirlevinemd.com

Want more Lover?

Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com 

Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter 

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community 
Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Showing love to our sponsor Biologica. Take their Quick Hormonal Life Stage Quiz to find the formula that’s right for you, and get up to 32% on your purchase: https://biologica.com/lovers 

Thanks to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this episode. Go to cozyearth.com/LOVERS for up to 20% off! 

Sex Is a Skill. Beducated is where you learn it. Join the world's largest sex school and access 150+ courses for curious adults: https://beducate.me/shanboody. 

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What does the Kama Sutra say about hands?

In this episode, Shan sits down with storyteller and pleasure educator Seema Anand to explore one of the most overlooked (and underestimated) tools of intimacy: your hands.

Recorded live in London in front of an audience of sex educators and pleasure-positive voices, this conversation focuses on expanding your pleasure potential, with a special emphasis on hand sex, as we celebrate the launch of our brand new Käma jewelry collection, inspired by the Kama Sutra.

Seema shares what the Kama Sutra actually teaches about touch, including specific finger combinations, how intention shapes sensation, and why hands play a central role in pleasure.

We also explore the connection between the Kama Sutra and lunar phases, rethink the art of foreplay, and touch on the idea of being multi-orgasmic, and what that can look like.

💎 Shop our new KAMA ring collection. Shop the collection: https://surmeyi.com/kama

RSVP to our Tell-ALL Part 🎉Tuesday, May 5th at 11AM PST. https://community.loversbyshan.com/c/podcast/tell-all-pleasure-party-w-seema-anand-0454f07b-12ae-40ae-b0e6-1f5a167f721a 

Watch Seema’s Previous Podcast EpisodesKama Sutra Secrets Every Woman Deserves to Know: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2Pj2rTHLyk The Kama Sutra Secret ‪@SeemaAnandStoryTelling‬ Wants the World to Know About: https://youtu.be/HfrQynAqKjo

Follow SeemaGet her book Speak Easy → https://www.amazon.com/Speak-Easy-Filed-Longing-Intimacy/dp/9361319337 Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/seemaanandstorytelling/?hl=enSubscribe to her YouTube Channel → https://www.youtube.com/@SeemaAnandStoryTelling 

Want more Lover?

Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com 

Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter 

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community 

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sex Is a Skill. Beducated is where you learn it. Join the world's largest sex school and access 150+ courses for curious adults: https://beducate.me/shan2026 

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In this episode of Lovers, Jared and I sit down on vacation for a conversation we’ve never had this honestly before.

This is our seventh year of marriage, the year people warn you about. The year of the “seven-year itch.” And while we’ve built a life together, kids, history, love, this was the first year I really sat with a truth that surprised even me.

For a long time, I wasn’t fully certain we would stay married forever.

In this conversation, we talk about what it actually feels like to be years into a relationship, how having children changes the dynamic between partners, and why even strong marriages go through seasons of doubt, distance, and recalibration.

We share the fears we had going into year seven, the honest ways our relationship has been tested, and what ultimately shifted for me to say, fully and consciously, that this is the person I’m choosing for life.

This episode isn’t about perfect love. It’s about commitment, growth, and what it really takes to stay.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship can survive the hard seasons, or questioned what long-term love is supposed to feel like, this conversation is for you.

Follow Jared BradyInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbradySubscribe to his YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKVWwEy39GLNzKXXt9v46TA 

Want more Lover

Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newslette

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shout out to the sponsor of this episode Tonal. Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase. Just go to tonal.com and use promo code LOVERS.

Big love to the sponsor of this episode, Masterclass. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at https://www.masterclass.com/lovers 

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In this episode of Lovers, I sit down with Affion Crockett for a conversation about love, timing, and what it really takes to build a relationship that works.

Affion is actually part of my own love story. He’s the reason Jared and I met. But in this conversation, we turn the lens on him.

Now in his 50s, after years of dating, therapy, and the loss of his father, Affion shares that he finally feels clear on what he’s looking for in a partner, and what he’s no longer willing to force.

For a long time, he believed in the idea that if you try hard enough, you can make a relationship work. But watching his father spend years in an unhappy marriage, and ultimately pass away still carrying that weight, changed how he sees love completely.

We talk about why some relationships aren’t meant to work no matter how much effort you put in, why “happy wife, happy life” doesn’t always lead to real fulfillment, and what it looks like to pursue a relationship that actually adds to your life instead of draining it.

This isn’t a story about giving up on love. It’s about getting honest about what love should feel like, and having the clarity to wait for the right fit.

If you’ve ever tried to make something work that just didn’t click, or wondered if it’s too late to find the kind of relationship you really want, this episode is for you.

Want to manifest a love that FEELS exactly as you’ve always dreamt it would (in your wildest dreams)? Get specific with that language using our LOVERS feelings wheel + Romantic Wishlist worksheet

https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-feelings-wheel---newsletter-subscribers-only

Follow Affion Crockett
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/affioncrockett/
Watch A Hip-Hop Story Now → https://www.ahiphopstory.com/ 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode. Head to www.squarespace.com/LOVERS for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use CODE: LOVERS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Sex is a skill, and you can learn how to be the best lover in bed! Join Beducated today at https://beducate.me/loversapril.

Lots of love to our sponsor, Quince. Go to Quince.com/LOVERS for free shipping and 365-day returns.

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In this episode of Lovers, Kamie Crawford returns for a third time, and this time, she’s engaged.

When Kamie first came on the podcast, she was coming out of a very public breakup and rebuilding her life from the ground up. In her second appearance, she shared a mindset that sparked a lot of conversation: “I’m not a girlfriend, I want to be a wife.” She was dating with intention, holding high standards, and refusing to entertain anything that didn’t align with the life she actually wanted.

People had a lot to say. Some called it unrealistic. Others said her standards were too high.

Now she’s back, engaged to the love of her life, in a relationship that didn’t just meet her standards but exceeded them.

In this conversation, we talk about what it looks like to hold your standards in dating, how to navigate criticism when people tell you you’re asking for too much, and why the language you use around love, marriage, and your future actually shapes what you experience.

Kamie shares how she approached dating with intention, why she refused to shrink her desires to be more “realistic,” and what happened when she chose to dream bigger instead.

If you’ve ever been told to lower your standards, questioned whether you’re asking for too much, or wondered if holding out for the kind of love you actually want is worth it, this episode is for you.

Watch our other interviews with Kamie Crawford on LOVERS:
2021: How to Look at a Breakup Differently → https://youtu.be/vSc0hF__y_4?si=E9u8zKsxdCEBbG8r
2023: This is What Happens When a Single Woman Turns 30 → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSc0hF__y_4

Want to manifest a love that FEELS exactly as you’ve always dreamt it would (in your wildest dreams)? Get specific with that language using our LOVERS feelings wheel + Romantic Wishlist worksheet → https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-feelings-wheel---newsletter-subscribers-only


Follow Kamie Crawford
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/kamiecrawford/
Watch her podcast Relationshipshit → https://www.youtube.com/@relationshitpod
Website → https://www.kamiecrawford.com/ 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Thanks to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this episode. Go to cozyearth.com/LOVERS for up to 20% off! 

Sex Is a Skill. Beducated is where you learn it. Join the world's largest sex school and access 150+ courses for curious adults: https://beducate.me/lovers. 

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In this episode of Lovers, I sit down with Lisa Bilyeu to talk about a decision a lot of women think about… but don’t always say out loud: what if you don’t want kids?

Lisa is an entrepreneur, co-founder of Quest Nutrition, and founder of Impact Theory Studios. She’s known for building billion-dollar businesses alongside her husband while also speaking openly about identity, marriage, and what it means to choose a life that actually fits you.

Lisa built a life that looked like the dream. Marriage, stability, and the role she thought she was supposed to want. For a long time, she even stepped into the idea of being a traditional wife. But over time, something didn’t sit right.

What happens when you realize the life you chose doesn’t actually fit you anymore?

We talk about what it looked like for Lisa to tell her husband that she didn’t want children, how they navigated being in a marriage where one partner wants kids and the other doesn’t, and why choosing to be child-free doesn’t mean something is missing, broken, or selfish.

This conversation challenges the idea that every woman is meant to become a mother, and unpacks the pressure many women feel around motherhood, marriage, and identity. We also explore what it means to redefine a successful relationship on your own terms, whether that includes children or not.

If you’ve ever questioned whether motherhood is for you, wondered how to tell your partner you don’t want kids, or felt conflicted about choosing career, independence, or a different kind of life, this episode is for you.

EXCLUSIVE LOVERS COMMUNITY RESOURCE
Need help starting a difficult conversation? Access our guided journal inside the LOVERS community: → https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/navigating-change-hard-conversations-in-relationships-community-exclusive 

Follow Lisa Bilyeu

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/
→ Watch & learn on Impact Theory: https://impacttheory.com/
→ Explore her personal website: https://lisabilyeu.com/
→ Listen to her podcast Women of Impact: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-of-impact/id1435217865
→ Get her book Radical Confidence: https://radicalconfidence.com/ 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get $200 off your Tonal purchase! Get a complete gym + a trainer in your home by going to http://tonal.com, then use promo code LOVERS for that big discount.

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In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by Aida Mariam Davis, author of Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom, to explore one question: Is your sex life by design?

We unpack the idea that so much of our sexual identity isn’t accidental, it’s constructed. From childhood messaging that disconnects us from our bodies, to adulthood expectations that swing between repression and performance, Aida breaks down how Western culture creates a fragmented relationship with intimacy. The result? A sex life that often feels confusing, isolating, or performative rather than intentional and embodied.

Together, we explore what it looks like to reclaim your sexuality on your own terms. Aida shares how her relationship with her husband was rooted in freedom, patience, and self-possession, not pressure or performance, and how that created the foundation for deeper intimacy, trust, and desire.

This conversation will challenge what you’ve been taught about sex, and invite you to design something that actually fits you.

Resources mentioned
→ What If Your Sex Life Is By Design? | Intimate Life Audit: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/what-if-your-sex-life-is-by-design-intimate-life-audit

→ A Guide to the Sexual Journey As We Grow: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/normal-sexual-development-from-0-18 

Follow Aida Mariam Davis
→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aidamariam/
→ Learn more about Decolonize Design: https://www.decolonizedesign.com/ 
→ Get her book Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom https://rep.club/products/kindred-creation?srsltid=AfmBOor4haNsPUvlYWcMk7oxSWdcmG-yZCTBeLjGtTDoFO_IaJXU_Jwj

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you taken my MasterClass yet? New subscribers get access to my class and hundreds of others starting at $10 per month. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at http://masterclass.com/lovers 

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In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by Mark Manson, the bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope, and Models: Attract Women Through Honesty, to talk about what men actually think about before they propose, and why waiting doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Mark shares the story of how he “agonized” over proposing to his now wife of ten years. Despite being deeply in love, he struggled with doubt, timing, and the pressure to feel completely certain. The turning point came during a conversation with his stepmother, who told him she had been married for over thirty years and still couldn’t say with absolute certainty that she “knew” he was the one. That advice freed him from the illusion that certainty is required before commitment.

We also unpack my own proposal story with Jared, including the untold truth about the pressure I put on him to propose and what was actually happening behind the scenes. The story I shared online isn’t the full story, and in this episode, we fill in the missing pieces.

Lauren Morrison, my sister and the author of Be in the Room, joins as guest host. As a longtime fan of Mark Manson, she helps us dig into the myth of the two-year rule, the idea that if a man hasn’t proposed by a certain timeline, you must not be “the one,” and the false belief that real love comes with instant certainty.

This conversation challenges the cultural narrative that a proposal delay reflects doubt about your worth. Instead, it reveals how doubt is often part of the process, not a sign that something is wrong.

If you’ve ever wondered what’s taking so long, this episode is for you.

Get MasterClass Today

For real, what are you waiting for? My class on MasterClass is one of the best things I’ve ever done and I’m sure every other instructor would agree!
Go to http://masterclass.com/lovers
Get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership 

Follow Mark Manson

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markmanson/
→ Listen to Mark’s podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/solved-with-mark-manson/id1247526593
→ Sign up for Purpose and experience Love Maps: https://purpose.app/

Follow Lauren Morrison

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachlaurenmorrison/
→ Get Lauren’s new book https://www.amazon.com/Be-Room-Shrinking-Leading-Purpose/dp/B0FM4HGYSP
→ Sign up for a free coaching consultation with Lauren https://www.beintheroomcoaching.com/work-with-lauren

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Thank you to Evvy for sponsoring today’s video! Go to https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp and use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 to get 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).

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In this episode of Lovers, I sit down with actor DeWanda Wise to talk about what makes her marriage to actor Alano Miller genuinely healthy, not perfect, not performative, but well-matched.

DeWanda and Alano have been married since 2009 after dating for only three months. Now more than 15 years in, they frequently appear together at industry events and continue to build a partnership rooted in intentionality rather than assumption. Alano Miller, known for his roles in Underground and Jane the Virgin, shares a dynamic with DeWanda that is grounded in accountability and mutual respect.

One of the most impactful amendments in their marriage came from Christian counseling: don’t treat strangers better than you treat me. They hold each other accountable to extend the same kindness, patience, and curiosity at home that they offer the outside world. When one of them falls short, the response is not immediate condemnation but curiosity and course correction.

We explore the delicate balance between accepting your partner and enabling harmful patterns, and what it truly means to be well-suited to love someone as they are. DeWanda challenges the idea that being “too much” is always a flaw, suggesting instead that compatibility determines whether intensity feels overwhelming or perfectly matched.

We also draw parallels to parenting, where the tension between letting someone be themselves and shaping them into who we think they should become is ever-present. This conversation ultimately centers on discernment, kindness, and the courage to build a relationship where both partners feel deeply seen and responsibly loved.

This episode also features a clip of my upcoming interview with legendary relationship therapists John and Julie Gottman! You can preview this episode inside the LOVERS community only

Thanks to our sponsor of this episode Evvy

Find out what’s happening with your vaginal health so you can build a care guide based on knowledge vs guess work!

Go to https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp
use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 for 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).

Follow DeWanda Wise 

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dewandawise/
→ Keep up with her movies and TV appearances: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1986622/

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get $200 off your Tonal purchase! Get a complete gym + a trainer in your home by going to http://tonal.com then use promo code LOVERS for that big discount.
—

In this episode of Lovers, Melyssa Ford joins me for a conversation about desirability, partnership, and what it means to build a full life without centering it around finding “the one.”

Melyssa has been publicly desired for decades. She’s dated wealthy men, high-profile men, and men who could provide an extraordinary lifestyle. And yet, she’s never been married and doesn’t have children. In this conversation, she reflects on what that actually means, not from a place of regret, but from a place of honesty. What happens when you are wanted by many but not chosen in the way you hoped? What if partnership never materializes the way you imagined it would?

We also discuss something I call Bething, the tension between becoming the person you are meant to be and chasing the life you thought you were supposed to have. Bething is about allowing yourself to exist fully in the present version of your life, even if it doesn’t match the cultural script you were handed. It’s the practice of building something meaningful instead of waiting for someone to complete it.

This episode is not about giving up on love. It’s about living well whether love arrives in the way you expected or not. It’s about separating desirability from devotion, lifestyle from longevity, and fantasy from fulfillment.

If you’ve ever quietly wondered what happens if you never meet your person, this conversation is for you.

Follow Melyssa Ford

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melyssaford
→ Watch Hot & Bothered with Melyssa Ford (YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgI18pIo71rZWq6upn_QxMg
Listen to Hot & Bothered Podcast: available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts & all major platforms
→ Get her book Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself: 13 Lessons for a Life Well Lived: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/58631608-allow-me-to-reintroduce-myself?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=n6x35X4UoC&rank=1

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

If you haven’t subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now’s the perfect time → lemonadapremium.com 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Thanks to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this video. Go to cozyearth.com/LOVERS for up to 20% off!
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In this episode of Lovers, I share something personal: the ways my own social media habit began affecting my presence, my focus, and ultimately my intimacy. Jared joins the conversation to reflect on the intervention he had with me when he realized my relationship with my phone wasn’t just a habit, it was beginning to shape our connection.

Then we’re joined by psychiatrist and Dopamine Nation author Dr. Anna Lembke, who explains why addiction today looks different than it did even a generation ago. We live in a world where high-dopamine substances and behaviors, from alcohol and porn to social media, smut, gaming, and endless scrolling, are instantly accessible and socially normalized. Dr. Lembke breaks down how these habits rewire the brain’s reward system, dull pleasure, increase craving, and quietly erode intimacy.

We talk about porn addiction, phone addiction, alcoholism, erotic content consumption, and the broader crisis of overconsumption that defines modern life. Most importantly, Dr. Lembke offers practical tools, many of which she teaches in her class on MasterClass and outlines in Dopamine Nation, to help us reset our dopamine systems and reclaim our relationships.

This isn’t just an episode about addiction. It’s about presence, connection, and what it takes to love well in the most addictive era in human history.

To Watch Dopamine on MasterClass go to http://masterclass.com/lovers (this link will get you 15% off an annual plan to watch over 200 classes there including mine)

Follow Dr. Anna Lembke

Dr. Anna Lembke is a Stanford psychiatrist and New York Times bestselling author specializing in addiction, dopamine science, and behavioral health.

Official Website → https://www.annalembke.com
Bestselling Book → Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/?ean=9781524746728 

Stanford Profile → https://med.stanford.edu/profiles/Anna_Lembke
Watch her class on MasterClass → http://masterclass.com/lovers 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

If you haven’t subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now’s the perfect time → lemonadapremium.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you taken my MasterClass yet? New subscribers get access to my class and hundreds of others starting at $10 per month. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at masterclass.com/lovers.
________________________

In this episode of Lovers, Jerrie Johnson (NAACP-nominated actor best known for role on Harlem) and Dria Brown (the creative doula) share the story of how they fell hard, broke up, and then made a conscious decision to rebuild their relationship differently the second time.

The first time around, their connection was intense, passionate, and undeniable. But intensity alone wasn’t enough. Before getting back together, they chose to start over as friends, and in doing so, they realized something uncomfortable: they weren’t actually as strong of friends the first time as they thought.

This conversation explores what it truly means to be friends with your romantic partner, why passion can mask incompatibility, and why many couples confuse chemistry for foundation. If you’ve ever considered getting back together with an ex, or if you believe you’re “best friends” with your partner, this episode will challenge you to define what that actually means.

Because sometimes spinning the block only works when something fundamental changes.

Are you and your lover really friends? Try this relationship check in to find out
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/relationship-checkin

NAACP - Vote for Jerrie's nomination
https://vote.naacpimageawards.net/categories/8f53f295-6f7a-42f1-a40f-08de2c5a3e90/entrants

Follow Jerrie Johnson
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/jerriejohnson/

TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@jerriejohnson
Official Website → https://www.jerriejohnson.com

Substack → JerrieJohnson.substack.com

Follow Dria Brown
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/driabrown/
Official Website → https://www.thecreativedoulastudio.com/ 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

If you haven’t subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now’s the perfect time → lemonadapremium.com

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In this episode of Lovers, Abby De La Rosa returns three years after our first conversation to reflect on what time, motherhood, and public scrutiny have actually taught her.

When Abby first joined the show, she was pregnant and navigating intense speculation about her relationship with Nick Cannon, who now has 12 children with multiple partners. That episode sparked massive conversation and debate about alternative relationship structures, belief, and who society decides to trust. Now, years later, Abby comes back with clarity, boundaries, and lived experience.

In this follow-up conversation, Abby opens up about what it’s been like raising children within a highly publicized family dynamic, how her understanding of love and partnership has evolved, and why she remains grounded in her choices despite ongoing judgment. She addresses the assumptions people make about women in nontraditional relationships, what outsiders often get wrong about consent and agency, and how motherhood reshaped her sense of self.

This episode isn’t about defending a headline or convincing anyone of a particular relationship model. It’s about autonomy, growth, and what happens when a woman is given time to live inside the decisions she once had to justify.

If you’ve ever wondered what comes after the internet forms an opinion, this conversation answers that.

Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase. Just go to tonal.com and use promo code LOVERS.

—

Thank you to Evvy for sponsoring today’s episode! Check out Evvy here: https://evvy.yt.link/SVTTsvO and use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 for 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).

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In this episode of Lovers, therapist Kier Gaines shares a personal and professional reflection on how resentment builds when men are taught to silence their emotional truth.

Kier opens up about a pivotal moment in his own relationship, when he realized that his partner’s tone was hurting his feelings, and that his fear of naming it, out of concern that he would sound “effeminate” or not man enough, was quietly turning into resentment. What started as self-protection slowly became emotional distance, until he reached a breaking point where honesty felt less risky than staying silent.

Together, we unpack how masculinity norms shape emotional expression, why unspoken hurt often masquerades as resentment, and how learning to articulate emotional impact can transform intimacy rather than threaten it. This conversation explores the cost of swallowing feelings, the courage it takes to speak before resentment hardens, and what becomes possible when men allow themselves to be emotionally legible in their relationships.

This episode isn’t about blame or tone-policing. It’s about emotional responsibility, relational repair, and the freedom that comes from finally saying the thing you were afraid would make you sound weak. 

If you wished this episode is longer and you could hear more about Kier Gaines

Is My Relationship Healthy Quiz
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-relationship-check-in 

Follow Kier Gaines
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines 

TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@kiergaines 

Twitter/X → https://twitter.com/kiergaines 

YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@KierandNoemie 

Official Website → https://www.kiergaines.com 

Course Words That Connect → https://kier-gaines.mykajabi.com/wordsthatconnect

Want more Lover?
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In this episode of Lovers, Higher Learning host and former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay shares the deeply personal story of what it was like to experience intimacy both sexually and emotionally for the first time after divorce.

After nearly a decade of being with only one partner, that she met while being the Bachelorette, Rachel walks us through the fears, emotions, and expectations she carried into that moment, from questions of safety and vulnerability to the quiet pressure of “doing it right” after such a long chapter had closed. She reflects on what that experience taught her about trust, desire, and emotional presence, and how those lessons reshaped her understanding of intimacy moving forward.

Though she isn’t with the person from that first post-divorce experience, Rachel shares why she remains grateful for what it revealed about her needs, her boundaries, and her capacity for connection. She also opens up about how those insights are influencing the relationship she’s in today, offering a grounded, honest look at what intimacy can become after loss, change, and reinvention.

This conversation isn’t about sex for shock value. It’s about safety, growth, and learning how to meet yourself again after everything you thought you knew about love has shifted.

———
Follow Rachel Lindsay
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/therachlindsay/ 

YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@HigherLearning 

Podcast — Higher Learning with Van Lathan & Rachel Lindsay → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/higher-learning-with-van-lathan-and-rachel-lindsay/id1515152489 

Official Website → https://www.rachellindsayofficial.com/ 

Rachel’s Book — Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, And A Few Hard Truths → https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57895042-miss-me-with-that?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=vFiuBJ3vpY&rank=1 

Want more Lover?
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In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by my husband Jared Brady to tell the story of the exact day we decided to call our relationship an open relationship.

Want to take the Relationship Style quiz I mentioned in the episode? Click HERE
https://www.loversbyshan.com/quizzes

In this episode, Shan Boodram and Jared Brady share intimate details from the early days of their relationship that led to them choosing to label their love as an open relationship.

If your first reaction to “open relationship” is “so… cheating?” you’re not alone, and this conversation is also for you.

Cheating isn’t about a specific behavior, it’s about breaking the rules of the relationship you agreed to play by, which is why it’s important to clearly define YOUR rules together. 

This episode explores why people seek structured relationships even without exclusivity, what commitment actually looks like when it isn’t defined by romantic restriction, and how accountability, emotional safety, partnership, and love can exist outside traditional scripts.

This isn’t an episode about convincing anyone to open their relationship. It’s about clarity, consent, and understanding why the rules matter more than the label.

MasterClass
Have you taken my MasterClass yet? New subscribers get access to my class and hundreds of others starting at $10 per month. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at masterclass.com/lovers.

Follow Jared
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady
YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKVWwEy39GLNzKXXt9v46TA

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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• uncovering the underlying stories behind your intimacy
• rewriting beliefs that no longer serve you
• opening the door to deeper, more authentic connection
  
  

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• 🔥 Why Eartha Kitt’s viral interview moment ("Compromise? For what?") sparked a generation of self-partnership
  
  
• 🌱 How choosing not to center romance can lead to deeper personal growth, freedom, and connection
  
  
• 🧠 The science behind happiness in singlehood and the myth of the “incomplete” single person
  
  
• 💔 How media and social norms still stigmatize solo living—and what it looks like to rewrite your own happy ending
  
  

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• Cree’s reflections on her marriage and why emotional shelter is non-negotiable in a relationship
• How menopause transformed her sex drive and perspective on intimacy
• The importance of finding a partner who provides safety and positivity
• Cree’s hopes and expectations for love in her golden years
• Lessons on emotional security, provision, and rediscovering self-worth
• The importance of women making the first move and asking men out
  
  

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• 
  Demisexuality: A sexual orientation where someone experiences sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond.
• Soul Ties: A deep, often spiritual connection that binds two people, sometimes through shared experiences or intimacy.
• Chastity: A lifestyle or mindset of aligning one’s sexual behavior and thoughts with personal, moral, or spiritual values, which may or may not involve abstinence.
  
  

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• Am I ruining sex by overthinking?
• Is squirting actually pee? 
• Are we monogamous if I am still engaging in threesomes?

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• Be aware of which standards are based on what we actually need to have a quality romantic partnership vs which standards are based on discriminatory, outdated values that hurt others AND our chances at forming healthy partnerships.

• Be clear about what standards people can hold you to. In short, what exactly are you bringing to the romantic relationship table and furthermore what are you admitting that you won’t be carrying? 
  
  
  

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1. You’re not really looking
2. You’re list of wants in a partner is too long
3. You’re in the wrong place
4. You believe too much in soul mates and destiny
5. You’re still not over your ex (intimate idealization)
6. You don’t know what people want from you/ you don’t want to give it
7. You have unresolved childhood issues
8. You feel like you unconditionally deserve love
9. You try way too hard
10. You’re not being your true self
11. You don’t know how to play the game
12. You take dating for granted (entitlement issues)
13. You sabotage relationships

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1. Who did you become?
   
   
2. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
   
   
3. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
   
   
4. What is one change you made that improved the quality of your life?
   
   
5. What was an unexpected obstacle?
   
   
6. What  can you give yourself credit for this year?
   
   
7. Were you dishonest with yourself or others last year?
   
   
8. What’s your most memorable story
   
   
9. What were the best books you read this year?
   
   
10. Who poured into you this year, who do you want to thank?
    
    
11. What’s something you couldn’t do a year ago that you can do today?
    
    
12. What’s something you want to be able to say you can do a year from now that you can’t do yet?
    
    
13. What promise do you keep breaking to yourself?
    
    
14. What promise will you make to yourself this year?
    
    
15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work?
    
    
16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
    
    
17. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
    
    
18. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
    
    
19.  What one word or intention do you hope will define your 2023?
    
    
20. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
    
    
21.  What would you do this next year if you knew you could not fail?

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And despite my husband not being there, it was an incredible experience that taught me so much. In this episode I share my top three epiphanies, the reason why the father not being there was the best choice for our family and what this all means for this podcast going forward.

Follow Shan

http://instagram.com/shanboody

Call in to the show to leave a voice note

‪(323) 375-4797

loversfriendspodcast@gmail.com

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In todays Episode Jared takes over the podcast because Shan is full term and needs a break. Jared opens up about the struggles of living with a pregnant woman. It gets raw, real and unfiltered. If you have been pregnant before or lived with a pregnant women before can you relate! 

Note from Shan: This is a unique episode of Lovers and Friends and also apart of a small series I'm going to make surrounding preparing my life for our second blessing, our second (yet to be named) daughter. Regularly scheduled program will be back in late August!

Follow Shan 

http://instagram.com/shanboody

Call in to the show to leave a voice note
‪(323) 375-4797
loversfriendspodcast@gmail.com

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Jared: https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady/ 

Mike: https://www.instagram.com/mikegdnss/

Byron: https://www.instagram.com/lordbyronb/

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I'm 38 weeks pregnant and terrified that I still feel so negatively about my current life and the idea of life with two babies under two...so in this episode I unpack these very ugly feelings with some beautiful souls: actor Shanola Hampton (mother of two) and performance coach Lauren Morrison (mother of two). With them I ask the million dollar questions: what happens when the way you know you're supposed to feel, has little resemblance to your reality? And more frighteningly... What if that never changes?

This is a unique episode of Lovers and Friends and also apart of a small series I'm going to make surrounding preparing my life for our second blessing, our second (yet to be named) daughter. Regularly scheduled program will be back in late August!

Follow Shan 

http://instagram.com/shanboody

Call in to the show to leave a voice note
‪(323) 375-4797
loversfriendspodcast@gmail.com

Follow the guests on this episode 

Shanola Hampton

http://instagram.com/shanolahampton