Empowering Veteran Reinvention: Tina Parker's Journey Through Self-Talk, Neuroencoding, and Authentic Leadership

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.

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<v Speaker 1>Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.

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<v Speaker 1>Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.

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<v Speaker 1>Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, hello, hello everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, so we have the amazing Tina Parker back again as a repeat guest.

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<v Speaker 2>Always a treat when Tina's here.

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<v Speaker 2>Tina is the founder of Lead Outside the Lines, a heart-centered, science-backed approach to transformational self-leadership.

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<v Speaker 2>A retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel with deep insights into the challenges veterans face during the transition to civilian life, which is super important, and we're going to get into a lot of that stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>A former C-level executive, master's degree in leadership.

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<v Speaker 2>Tina's educational background combined with certifications in neurocoding I've got to take a breath for this.

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<v Speaker 2>This is a list here man Brain health executive leadership, transformational leadership equips her to guide others effectively.

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<v Speaker 2>And, of course, she has helped so many people through her work.

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<v Speaker 2>That is always, always a privilege to have you on, my friend, so why don't you tell us Absolutely, tell us just a little bit more about yourself?

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<v Speaker 3>Sure, I, you know I've been on a couple of times, but people watch different episodes, so I will share.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, 23 years in the Air Force.

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<v Speaker 3>I retired two years ago now, and the reason that I am in this work is because of my experience throughout my career.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, we're all in situations all the time where we don't always have access to be able to control the environment around us, right, and so the only thing we can control is ourselves.

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<v Speaker 3>And so this work in neuroencoding, the work in transformational leadership, it's really about self-leadership.

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<v Speaker 3>How do we show up powerfully in our own unique, genuine power, our highest potentials, right, and create the possibilities that we want in our lives?

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<v Speaker 3>And for me, I've had moments in my life where things pretty much were hitting the fan, right, I think we've all had that, you can say it Dana.

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<v Speaker 3>Stuff was hitting the fan, and what I found, though, in those moments is it's not what's happening around us that creates our experience, it's what's happening inside of us, it's our reaction to things.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, we can choose a response, or we can be triggered into a reaction, and that is where we get to be in full power for ourselves and choose the experience that we want to create, be in full power for ourselves and choose the experience that we want to create.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, and it's amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been in some of your trainings and things and you just do an amazing job just making it real and usable information, which is fantastic.

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<v Speaker 2>So, just before we get started, I just want to remind people the top right-hand corner, there's a blue QR code.

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<v Speaker 2>Please click on that.

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<v Speaker 2>It takes you to empowerperformancestrategiescom.

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<v Speaker 2>If you are listening on the podcast later on, again empowerperformancestrategiescom, there are all kinds of resources and free eBooks that I've written.

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<v Speaker 2>There are Facebook groups to get involved in for veterans and their families and please, please, get involved.

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<v Speaker 2>So also stick around to the end, because Tina Parker is going to share three tips to get veterans and their families further faster.

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<v Speaker 2>So make sure you stick around for that.

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<v Speaker 2>So, tina, you ready to jump in?

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<v Speaker 2>Let's do it All right.

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<v Speaker 2>So today is why don't you tell us, go ahead?

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<v Speaker 3>OK, so today we're talking about how our words create worlds.

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<v Speaker 3>Talking about how our words create worlds, right, Because what we say to ourselves, about ourselves, to the world, about the world, shapes our experience.

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<v Speaker 3>And one of the things that we don't always talk about is that inner critic Like what is that voice inside my head, Right?

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<v Speaker 3>A lot of times you're like yes, I'm very mindful about how I speak to others, but we're not always mindful about how we speak to ourselves.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I love that, and we're going to get into some good stuff here.

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<v Speaker 2>So what I want to start with, if we can, is can you just explain how the words we use to describe ourselves and others influence our perception of reality, since this is your thoughts, your reality, especially for veterans and during the transition to civilian life?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh for sure.

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<v Speaker 3>So I'll just give an example for myself.

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<v Speaker 3>Transitioning for myself is there's conditioning that we all go through, just in life in general, but especially in the military right, the uniform holds a certain certain standards, right, and so there's conditioning that we, we find ourselves in throughout our lives that start to shape who we think we are and the words that we say to ourselves I can't do that, I have to be at this standard, like there's very finite either or words that we use.

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<v Speaker 3>And so in the transition, though, we need to recognize that we are still who we are.

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<v Speaker 3>We are not the uniform right, and so for a lot of us, we don't really know who that is anymore, and so it really comes down to what are those words that we're saying to ourselves?

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<v Speaker 3>Because when I was transitioning I'll give you two examples out of active duty, reserve, that's a big transition.

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<v Speaker 3>So I was active duty for seven years and then I transitioned into the reserve.

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<v Speaker 3>So at the same time I'm transitioning into a civilian life as well, and for me, like I had this dream of being a leadership, a transformational leadership facilitator with the Center for Creative Leadership, and that was my dream for many, many years, and I was like, I'm going to do it.

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<v Speaker 3>I left active duty.

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<v Speaker 3>I went to San Diego.

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<v Speaker 3>I walked into the Center for Creative Leadership building and I left because we saw PhDs on the wall.

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<v Speaker 3>We saw the people that were working there and I thought, well, I'm just a little captain, I only have seven years of active duty.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't have a master's degree.

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<v Speaker 3>Like, who am I to be here?

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<v Speaker 3>Right, so those words that we say to ourselves well, who am I?

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<v Speaker 3>Who's going to hire me to do this?

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<v Speaker 3>I don't have the credentials.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, let's not forget the fact that, just like many of us who have served, we've had incredible opportunities to lead in really crazy environments.

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<v Speaker 3>Right that the civilian world goes whoa, I can't imagine doing that at the age that you were.

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<v Speaker 3>I was 28 at the time, right, I had just led a team of 70 all-male drill instructors, drill sergeants, right through the largest training overhaul in Air Force basic military training history.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm 28.

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<v Speaker 3>Like what?

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<v Speaker 3>That doesn't even make sense.

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<v Speaker 3>But we collectively changed the landscape for every single airman that came through training into the Air Force.

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<v Speaker 3>So that's a major accomplishment.

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<v Speaker 3>But at the time I didn't see it that way and for many of us who are serving.

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<v Speaker 3>We don't see what we do in that way.

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<v Speaker 3>We're like, well, it's just my job, I figured it out, right.

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<v Speaker 3>So the words that we say to ourselves like I'm not enough, I don't have what it takes, they're not going to hire me, those words create.

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<v Speaker 3>Create our reality.

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<v Speaker 3>Had I not said those things to myself and I just went in there and was like, hey, what do I need to do to work here, you know, and just gotten curious about it instead of judging myself, I'm pretty sure I would be working there, right, exactly, exactly.

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<v Speaker 3>It's curious, not critical, that inner critic, that judgment that we put ourselves through.

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<v Speaker 3>It cuts off possibilities for us, right, and it shapes the way we see ourselves and the world and where we fit in the world.

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<v Speaker 3>So we have to be really mindful about what we're saying to ourselves, so we don't cut ourselves off from possibilities and opportunities.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's so true, and I think everybody does this.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's the human condition, right, but you see it more with veterans because, again, the conditioning and so on.

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<v Speaker 2>But if we can just change a few words, even you know I don't have to, I get to.

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<v Speaker 2>This is one of the first things I coach with people.

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<v Speaker 2>It changes your whole perception and I challenge everybody out there that's listening later on and is on right now just say that to yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Think of something you have to do today, have to get it I have to do today.

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<v Speaker 2>And just say that to yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Think of something you have to do today.

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<v Speaker 3>I have to get it I have to do today and just say, right, it's all, you get this.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh gosh, it's a heavy feeling.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, and then change it and say it again with I get to yeah, and then celebrate it, pat yourself on the back, shake your ass, do what you got to do, but I promise you that's neuroencoding everybody.

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<v Speaker 3>That is neuroencoding.

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<v Speaker 2>I appreciate that, but it's such and so impactful, and that's just the beginning of what we're going to talk about today.

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<v Speaker 2>So, if we can, how can veterans learn to trust themselves?

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<v Speaker 2>And this is not just veterans and their families, first responders, et cetera, it's again humans in general.

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<v Speaker 2>How do they trust themselves or learn to trust themselves and their abilities after leaving a structured environment?

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<v Speaker 2>Would that be a corporate world or the military?

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<v Speaker 2>Or whatever the case may be.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we really have to take time to get back to ourselves, right?

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<v Speaker 3>I remember when I left the military, I was very heady I say it that way because it was very.

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<v Speaker 3>I was very logical, thinking, analytical.

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<v Speaker 3>Where do I find where?

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<v Speaker 3>So, case in point, whenever I would say anything about this is how it's supposed to be done, supposed to be done right in the service.

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<v Speaker 3>They're like, well, where is that in the AFI, the air force instruction, or you know the regulation, or whatever?

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<v Speaker 3>Like that's not trusting that I know what is best.

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<v Speaker 3>It's saying, oh well, I found it in this regulation.

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<v Speaker 3>So that must be the truth.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, we look outside of ourselves for the truth for us, and that's not where it resides.

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<v Speaker 3>Our truth resides inside of us.

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<v Speaker 3>But when we go through situations that distance us from our own intuition, from our own inner knowing right, and we start to rely on anything, everything outside of us, instead of going, what do I really believe about that?

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<v Speaker 3>What is actually true for me and why would that be the case for me?

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<v Speaker 3>Right, getting curious again.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, tapping into the truth for ourselves.

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<v Speaker 3>And one other thing I want to say about that is and this may sound controversial for some folks, but affirmations.

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<v Speaker 3>I love affirmations.

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<v Speaker 3>However, let's be honest.

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<v Speaker 3>If I eat junk food all day long and I just try to one day tell myself I'm a healthy eater, like your inner knowing is like that's a bunch of crap.

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<v Speaker 3>No, you're not.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 3>You just chowed down on the family size bag of Doritos in the pantry last night, like, don't lie to yourself.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, there's this in congruence there.

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<v Speaker 3>But what I do, what?

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<v Speaker 3>I am a proponent of our power statements, right?

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<v Speaker 3>So power statements meaning I have the capacity and the capability to choose good foods for myself.

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<v Speaker 3>I have the capability to choose, make a different choice.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, that is true.

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<v Speaker 3>Your body is not going to revolt against you and go.

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<v Speaker 3>That's not true.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like no, no, oh, yeah, it is true, okay.

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<v Speaker 3>Is not going to revolt against you and go.

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<v Speaker 3>That's not true.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like no, no, oh, yeah, it is true.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>What choice do I want to make?

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<v Speaker 3>Right?

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<v Speaker 3>So that's just one of those other things is tapping into our own truth.

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<v Speaker 3>Don't set yourself up for failure, for your body to go.

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<v Speaker 3>You're, you're full of crap right now, right.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely so for me.

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<v Speaker 2>I get a feeling that I'm out of integrity, and that's just what I call it.

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<v Speaker 2>So I, literally you, just get that sense of, yeah, I'm full of shit, I'm going to say it All good, so, um, so, like you, you know, when you're out of integrity and you're not living the life that you're meant for or whatever the case may be, so when you get that feeling, what are some of the first steps that you would say for a veteran or first responder or their families to kind of catch yourself and change that thought process?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes.

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<v Speaker 3>So the first thing we've said it, but it applies here too is getting curious, not judgmental, right?

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<v Speaker 3>So I encourage people be a curious observer of what's happening, not a judgmental interrogator, right?

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<v Speaker 3>And we all know that feeling of interrogation Like, oh, like we just said, you're so full of crap, you're not this.

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<v Speaker 3>That's ridiculous.

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<v Speaker 3>You know why do I do that?

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<v Speaker 3>Why am I so stupid?

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<v Speaker 3>We say these things to ourselves, right?

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<v Speaker 3>And so that's the judgmental interrogator, and all that's going to do is put you in a downward spiral of reactivity, right?

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<v Speaker 3>And that's not what we want.

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<v Speaker 3>We want to create the experience that we truly want to live, and so, shifting that going wait a minute, those words that I'm saying to myself, the questions that I'm asking myself, they matter, they create your world, right?

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<v Speaker 3>So when you can shift into going, huh, I wonder why that showed up in my life.

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<v Speaker 3>And you're just observing it like from the outside, like, oh, there it is again.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, that's interesting.

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<v Speaker 3>What's that about?

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<v Speaker 3>Right, it is a very different feeling in your body, it's.

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<v Speaker 3>It changes your physiology, it changes your psychology, it changes the way you see yourself and the world and your place in it.

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<v Speaker 2>Love it, absolutely.

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<v Speaker 2>Love it when?

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<v Speaker 2>How do I say this?

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<v Speaker 2>When you feel you're out of integrity or not living up to your standard, whatever it is for you, what are some key words to change that world as fast as possible and I know I'm totally.

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<v Speaker 2>You know we're going organic here for the last couple of questions.

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<v Speaker 2>That's what we do Absolutely.

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<v Speaker 3>No, so, okay.

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<v Speaker 3>So keywords, think about okay.

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<v Speaker 3>There's a whole saying in appreciative inquiry that says you grow in the direction of the questions you ask.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>So be mindful of how you're starting your questions Right.

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<v Speaker 3>And so the word really is like instead of going, why did I do that?

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<v Speaker 3>You go, how might I do that differently?

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<v Speaker 3>Right, it just opens up your mind.

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<v Speaker 3>You go oh well, there's this possibility, this possibility because you think about it.

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<v Speaker 3>Your brain is like a search engine, basically.

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<v Speaker 3>You put a question in there and it's going to give you an answer to that question.

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<v Speaker 3>So if you say, why did I do that?

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<v Speaker 3>Again?

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<v Speaker 3>And it's like well, you knew you were supposed to do this and you didn't do it.

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<v Speaker 3>And then like so you're just like beating yourself up, right.

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<v Speaker 3>But if you can shift the question and go, how might I do that different next time?

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<v Speaker 3>Let yourself off the hook this time, right, all good, how might I do that next time differently?

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<v Speaker 3>And then your brain will go oh well, you could do this, you could talk to this person, this could change, right.

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<v Speaker 3>And so then you get to open up possibilities to connect, instead of being stuck swirling around in a downward spiral yeah, absolutely something else.

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<v Speaker 2>Um, I love that, first of all.

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<v Speaker 2>Um, thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>So something else that I like to do and I do it myself, teaching clients the same thing is is name that personality.

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<v Speaker 2>So, when it is going at you and you're going down the you know that spiral, like you said, name it and put it in its place so that you can switch sit up straight afterward, obviously, take a deep breath and change the words that you're saying to yourself with that again curiosity.

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<v Speaker 2>So, and name it something that snaps you out.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, find the Richard Just, and I tell Richard what's up.

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<v Speaker 3>Richard, you don't have a place here right now, man.

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<v Speaker 2>Really it snaps you out.

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<v Speaker 2>I learned that from Vinnie Keller, so it's a really great tool as well.

00:16:57.744 --> 00:17:06.416
<v Speaker 2>What strategies do you recommend for veterans to identify and tap into their unique genius during that transition, especially leadership?

00:17:06.416 --> 00:17:09.490
<v Speaker 2>For veterans to identify and tap into their unique genius during that transition, especially leadership, you know all those skills that.

00:17:09.490 --> 00:17:19.365
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to say make a blanket statement, but a lot of veterans and I see the patterns, the stories are different but the patterns are very similar they kind of lose because it's just a job, like you said earlier.

00:17:19.365 --> 00:17:29.489
<v Speaker 2>So what are some ideas to get them to realize and fulfill those leadership roles and those kinds of things?

00:17:30.829 --> 00:17:38.924
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and when we say it's just a job, we don't mean that in a demeaning way, we mean it in that, and I know you don't.

00:17:38.924 --> 00:17:41.962
<v Speaker 3>I just want to clarify, for folks listening is like.

00:17:41.962 --> 00:17:43.826
<v Speaker 3>We mean like because it's a mission.

00:17:43.826 --> 00:17:45.232
<v Speaker 3>I mean when you are cause it's a mission.

00:17:45.232 --> 00:17:46.582
<v Speaker 3>I mean when you are serving it is a mission.

00:17:46.582 --> 00:17:55.299
<v Speaker 3>What happens, though, when you're in that mission is you don't recognize the importance of your contributions.

00:17:55.299 --> 00:17:57.704
<v Speaker 3>Right, because it's a we.

00:17:57.704 --> 00:17:59.989
<v Speaker 3>Right, we're service before self.

00:17:59.989 --> 00:18:01.297
<v Speaker 3>Everything is about we.

00:18:01.438 --> 00:18:14.361
<v Speaker 3>It took me a long time to be able to say I do this or I am this, like it was always we, and so what I recommend for folks is really sit down and go.

00:18:14.361 --> 00:18:26.675
<v Speaker 3>Okay, if I'm observing outside of myself the things that I have accomplished, the contributions that I've made, how would I describe those If I was talking about someone else?

00:18:26.675 --> 00:18:29.923
<v Speaker 3>Right, we've all those of us who have served.

00:18:29.923 --> 00:18:37.265
<v Speaker 3>We know your OERs, your EPRs, like those performance reports that you have to write every year, at least for officers.

00:18:37.265 --> 00:18:40.880
<v Speaker 3>We pretty much had to write ours and give it to our boss and go here, you go.

00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:44.205
<v Speaker 3>Right, it wasn't like here's a bunch of bullets, go do it.

00:18:44.205 --> 00:18:47.961
<v Speaker 3>So it was really hard to write that about myself.

00:18:47.961 --> 00:18:50.289
<v Speaker 3>It was, and I literally had to go.

00:18:50.289 --> 00:18:55.742
<v Speaker 3>Okay, I'm taking myself out of my own brain right now and I'm just asking what happened.

00:18:56.464 --> 00:18:56.724
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

00:18:57.406 --> 00:19:11.250
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because we don't want to be braggadocious, we don't want to toot our own horn, all of these things, but it's really about connecting to the contribution that we uniquely have made.

00:19:11.250 --> 00:19:17.884
<v Speaker 3>So I ask people to think about what would be missing in a situation if you were not there.

00:19:20.209 --> 00:19:20.589
<v Speaker 2>That's good.

00:19:21.154 --> 00:19:22.843
<v Speaker 3>So really think about okay, when have I been at my very best right?

00:19:22.843 --> 00:19:23.586
<v Speaker 3>Think about it in this perspective.

00:19:23.586 --> 00:19:24.913
<v Speaker 3>Think about a okay, when have I been at my very best Right?

00:19:24.913 --> 00:19:26.297
<v Speaker 3>Think about it in this perspective.

00:19:26.297 --> 00:19:30.777
<v Speaker 3>Think about a time that you have been in your full power, like you were rocking.

00:19:30.777 --> 00:19:31.818
<v Speaker 3>You were bad ass.

00:19:31.818 --> 00:19:33.784
<v Speaker 3>People loved what was going on.

00:19:33.784 --> 00:19:36.898
<v Speaker 3>You were making a difference, like everything was jiving right.

00:19:36.898 --> 00:19:39.884
<v Speaker 3>Think about and feel into your body.

00:19:39.884 --> 00:19:41.608
<v Speaker 3>Where does that reside in me?

00:19:41.608 --> 00:19:43.799
<v Speaker 3>Like you see, I'm starting to sit up taller.

00:19:43.799 --> 00:19:46.556
<v Speaker 3>Right, you're making me sit up taller.

00:19:46.556 --> 00:19:50.123
<v Speaker 3>You're like I got this Right.

00:19:50.123 --> 00:19:53.028
<v Speaker 3>So think about a moment when you were like I got this.

00:19:53.028 --> 00:19:55.557
<v Speaker 3>What were you contributing?

00:19:55.557 --> 00:19:56.420
<v Speaker 3>Who were you being?

00:19:56.420 --> 00:20:03.882
<v Speaker 3>What were you contributing and what would have been missing from that scenario had you not been there.

00:20:03.882 --> 00:20:06.326
<v Speaker 3>That is your genius.

00:20:07.508 --> 00:20:08.088
<v Speaker 2>That's fantastic.

00:20:08.088 --> 00:20:09.877
<v Speaker 2>Love it, Absolutely love it.

00:20:09.877 --> 00:20:13.305
<v Speaker 2>How, let's go to neuroencoding, shall we?

00:20:13.305 --> 00:20:24.439
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, when you realize your genius, how do you encode yourself or anchor it into you condition yourself, for you know people that don't know neuroencoding.

00:20:24.439 --> 00:20:27.086
<v Speaker 2>What are some, some key things?

00:20:27.086 --> 00:20:31.570
<v Speaker 2>You teach your clients to anchor that into yourself so that you can call on it whenever you want.

00:20:31.570 --> 00:20:32.352
<v Speaker 2>This is one.

00:20:32.954 --> 00:20:40.326
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely Right, cause we talk about default to our best self, not the default inner critic, right, right.

00:20:40.326 --> 00:20:42.922
<v Speaker 3>And so for neuroencoding there's a bit.

00:20:42.922 --> 00:20:44.807
<v Speaker 3>There's a thing we call the stop technique.

00:20:44.807 --> 00:21:03.698
<v Speaker 3>Right, you, when you start to feel yourself go down this downward spiral, stand up, change your physiology, right, because when you do that you're like, nope, I'm breaking that pattern, and then immediately start telling yourself the things that you're genius, what is really true about you?

00:21:03.698 --> 00:21:10.035
<v Speaker 3>Right, replace that inner talk with your truth and you know when it's your truth, right.

00:21:10.095 --> 00:21:20.102
<v Speaker 3>We said you feel out of integrity or you feel in integrity, even if it's something that you're like, well, I'm the very best at X, y, z and you don't want to say that to other people.

00:21:20.102 --> 00:21:21.641
<v Speaker 3>Say it to yourself.

00:21:21.641 --> 00:21:22.537
<v Speaker 3>You know it's true.

00:21:22.537 --> 00:21:28.307
<v Speaker 3>Right, replace that inner dialogue and feel into that.

00:21:28.307 --> 00:21:34.455
<v Speaker 3>That's the thing.

00:21:34.455 --> 00:21:36.703
<v Speaker 3>When your feelings are there, when you're in the emotion, your body starts to recognize this physiology.

00:21:36.703 --> 00:21:37.768
<v Speaker 3>It goes oh, I want more of that.

00:21:37.768 --> 00:21:45.627
<v Speaker 3>What just happened, like whatever we just did, I want more of that, and you will start to change the patterns that you find yourself in.

00:21:45.627 --> 00:21:50.948
<v Speaker 3>But you've got to break that cycle and the stop technique is one of those ways to do that.

00:21:51.615 --> 00:21:51.996
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely.

00:21:51.996 --> 00:21:56.006
<v Speaker 2>And when you do do that and you feel it celebrated.

00:21:56.006 --> 00:22:02.508
<v Speaker 2>You know everybody on the podcast that's ever listened to this like why do they celebrate so much?

00:22:03.655 --> 00:22:07.479
<v Speaker 3>That's why, because your brain literally goes oh, what just happened before this?

00:22:07.479 --> 00:22:12.536
<v Speaker 3>Let me create that again yeah, absolutely it's why gaming is so addictive.

00:22:12.536 --> 00:22:18.339
<v Speaker 3>I mean, if you really think about it, gamers are like I gotta get to the next level, I gotta get the token or whatever.

00:22:18.339 --> 00:22:19.183
<v Speaker 3>Like that.

00:22:19.183 --> 00:22:21.413
<v Speaker 3>Is that dopamine drip in your brain going?

00:22:21.413 --> 00:22:22.615
<v Speaker 3>Oh, I got the reward.

00:22:22.615 --> 00:22:24.318
<v Speaker 3>What happened right before that?

00:22:24.318 --> 00:22:25.060
<v Speaker 3>Let me do that again.

00:22:25.060 --> 00:22:29.169
<v Speaker 3>Right, it's the same thing in your brain going oh, I got the reward.

00:22:29.189 --> 00:22:30.130
<v Speaker 2>What happened right before that?

00:22:30.130 --> 00:22:30.671
<v Speaker 2>Let me do that again.

00:22:30.671 --> 00:22:31.553
<v Speaker 2>Right, it's the same thing in your life.

00:22:31.553 --> 00:22:33.877
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely Fantastic, tina, and my wife can listen to you all day long, by the way.

00:22:35.020 --> 00:22:35.903
<v Speaker 3>I love Susan.

00:22:35.903 --> 00:22:37.507
<v Speaker 3>I'm so glad she's a part of this.

00:22:37.507 --> 00:22:38.416
<v Speaker 3>You guys are amazing.

00:22:38.416 --> 00:22:39.900
<v Speaker 3>Power couple right here.

00:22:39.940 --> 00:22:41.904
<v Speaker 2>seriously, Thank you so much.

00:22:41.904 --> 00:22:43.336
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't do it without her.

00:22:43.336 --> 00:22:44.698
<v Speaker 2>I'll tell you that, that's for sure.

00:22:44.698 --> 00:22:49.246
<v Speaker 2>What strategies would you recommend for veterans to identify?

00:22:49.246 --> 00:22:50.548
<v Speaker 2>Oh, we did this already.

00:22:50.548 --> 00:23:00.297
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry I didn't highlight it yet.

00:23:00.297 --> 00:23:04.584
<v Speaker 2>How can the concept of words, creating worlds, empower veterans and their families to reshape?

00:23:04.604 --> 00:23:05.184
<v Speaker 3>their identities and futures.

00:23:05.184 --> 00:23:07.869
<v Speaker 3>I love that question because here's the truth.

00:23:07.869 --> 00:23:10.019
<v Speaker 3>We all talk to ourselves.

00:23:10.019 --> 00:23:12.545
<v Speaker 3>We think, oh crazy, people talk to themselves.

00:23:12.545 --> 00:23:14.556
<v Speaker 3>No, we all talk to ourselves.

00:23:14.556 --> 00:23:16.861
<v Speaker 3>What are you saying to yourself?

00:23:16.861 --> 00:23:28.609
<v Speaker 3>Because what you're saying to yourself, in that inner dialogue that is shaping your world period, end of story, right, and so the deal is change the words.

00:23:28.609 --> 00:23:41.276
<v Speaker 3>Words have meaning, right, and let's be clear about this too Some people associate different meanings with different words, so you've got to really understand what is the definition of that for me, right?

00:23:41.276 --> 00:23:44.337
<v Speaker 3>So, yeah, because words create worlds.

00:23:44.337 --> 00:24:09.299
<v Speaker 3>Definitions create universes, right, and so when we are mindful of the words, we're saying to ourselves what those words mean to us and about us, then we get to ask ourselves is that really create, helping me to create the experience that I want, in want for myself, for my family, for the community around me, like wherever?

00:24:09.299 --> 00:24:10.983
<v Speaker 3>It is right, but it starts here.

00:24:10.983 --> 00:24:19.122
<v Speaker 3>So be sure that you are asking your brain the right things to find the right answers.

00:24:20.023 --> 00:24:31.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely Fantastic, and just be present, right, totally Be present for yourself for two minutes to feel it Be curious.

00:24:31.480 --> 00:24:38.799
<v Speaker 2>Talk to yourself the right loving way, motivational way, whatever you need in that moment, but just take a minute for yourself.

00:24:38.799 --> 00:24:42.596
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on other people.

00:24:43.598 --> 00:24:45.523
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and you mentioned, too, taking a breath.

00:24:45.523 --> 00:24:46.948
<v Speaker 3>You mentioned that earlier.

00:24:46.948 --> 00:24:50.644
<v Speaker 3>We just get in the go, go, go mode, right?

00:24:50.644 --> 00:24:54.605
<v Speaker 3>People in general, especially in the military, like we're wired that way.

00:24:54.605 --> 00:25:04.961
<v Speaker 3>It's like figure it out, go to the next thing, keep moving on, right, but we get to stop and pause and we've talked about this before Pause, notice, choose.

00:25:04.961 --> 00:25:10.288
<v Speaker 3>When you're go, go, go, you can't notice what's happening for you and you're like why am I freaking out?

00:25:10.288 --> 00:25:18.221
<v Speaker 3>Okay, that's, that's your time to take a breath.

00:25:18.221 --> 00:25:19.484
<v Speaker 3>If that's happening for you, just stop.

00:25:19.484 --> 00:25:31.013
<v Speaker 3>Exactly, Take a breath because breath and I initially thought when I got into breath work and I'll tell you, my mom actually asked me she's like don't you know how to breathe?

00:25:31.013 --> 00:25:31.955
<v Speaker 3>Like, why do you need breath work?

00:25:31.955 --> 00:25:41.019
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, yes, I know how to breathe, but the way in which we breathe changes the way our body functions.

00:25:41.662 --> 00:25:42.624
<v Speaker 2>Can you go through that a little bit?

00:25:43.105 --> 00:25:49.557
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, absolutely so, though our breath fuels our body.

00:25:49.557 --> 00:25:55.227
<v Speaker 3>If your air is cut off for 30 seconds, you notice, right.

00:25:55.227 --> 00:25:57.395
<v Speaker 3>You're like, uh yeah, I can't breathe right now.

00:25:57.395 --> 00:26:00.481
<v Speaker 3>So the your breath is your life.

00:26:00.481 --> 00:26:04.457
<v Speaker 3>So when you are feeling stressed, you can do.

00:26:04.457 --> 00:26:04.862
<v Speaker 3>It's very.

00:26:04.902 --> 00:26:14.015
<v Speaker 3>There's a lot of different techniques, but one that's very simple is just breathe in for four counts, breathe out for eight right.

00:26:14.015 --> 00:26:19.446
<v Speaker 3>When you breathe out longer than you breathe in, it calms your nervous system, right.

00:26:19.446 --> 00:26:26.844
<v Speaker 3>And here's what happens, because I'm a brain health trainer as well, and so I geek out about what happens in your brain and your body, like when these things are happening.

00:26:26.844 --> 00:26:46.875
<v Speaker 3>So when you're freaking out and your breath is like really shallow parts of your brain actually shut down and they're the parts of your brain that you need access to for motor control, for making good decisions, for recalling information that you already know, Right, All the things that we want access to when we're trying to move forward in life Right.

00:26:46.875 --> 00:26:54.935
<v Speaker 3>When you calm your breath and your nervous system relaxes, those parts of your brain come back online Right.

00:26:54.935 --> 00:26:57.561
<v Speaker 3>So think of it as this is your recharge.

00:26:57.561 --> 00:27:04.704
<v Speaker 3>When your battery is low or it's short circuiting, your breath is your recharge and your realignment.

00:27:06.037 --> 00:27:18.970
<v Speaker 2>There's so many times that I, I will catch myself right and I just, I just need to take a breath for a couple of minutes yeah, a couple of seconds, three or four, and I am reset and I'm good to go yeah, it can happen quickly.

00:27:18.970 --> 00:27:31.657
<v Speaker 2>Oh, yeah, absolutely, especially with neuro encoding, conditioning you, you, because you there's, there's trainings that you do, you know, and we all do them.

00:27:31.657 --> 00:27:34.787
<v Speaker 2>We don't just tell our clients, hey, go do this, we have no idea what it does.

00:27:34.787 --> 00:27:35.977
<v Speaker 2>I mean, we all do this stuff.

00:27:36.438 --> 00:27:48.508
<v Speaker 2>These are all things we use in our life Absolutely, and it's just amazing whether it be traffic or the guy that cuts you off or any of these things it's amazing how fast you can just snap out of it.

00:27:49.068 --> 00:27:54.106
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I recommend for people go to heartmathorg and check it out.

00:27:54.106 --> 00:28:00.381
<v Speaker 3>Heart math anything with math in it and my brain goes ah.

00:28:00.381 --> 00:28:12.076
<v Speaker 3>But so I actually didn't look into it for a long time, but when my daughter was having emotional regulation issues when she was younger, in kindergarten, that's one of the things that they told us to go look at.

00:28:12.076 --> 00:28:14.124
<v Speaker 3>And that was a long time ago.

00:28:14.124 --> 00:28:16.974
<v Speaker 3>That was like seven years ago, and now I use heart math.

00:28:16.974 --> 00:28:22.917
<v Speaker 3>There's a coherence technique about how to breathe and bring in images of something you're grateful for.

00:28:22.917 --> 00:28:37.803
<v Speaker 3>It actually helps to regulate your heart rate variability and that calms your nervous system, creates healthy cells in your body, as well as generates the proper alignment in your brain to fire the way that you want.

00:28:37.884 --> 00:28:38.945
<v Speaker 2>I will definitely check that out.

00:28:38.945 --> 00:28:49.670
<v Speaker 2>I am big on breath work and and it's just amazing how fast it can help in a situation with anxiety or stress or any of those things.

00:28:49.670 --> 00:28:52.180
<v Speaker 2>So thank you, thank you for talking about that.

00:28:52.180 --> 00:28:54.606
<v Speaker 2>We're getting low on time, dang it.

00:28:54.606 --> 00:28:58.402
<v Speaker 2>I want to get to this, though.

00:28:58.402 --> 00:29:05.503
<v Speaker 2>Can you share a specific example of how you've worked with a veteran that's transformed their reality through the power of words?

00:29:05.503 --> 00:29:09.238
<v Speaker 2>Yes, not yourself this time.

00:29:09.377 --> 00:29:11.624
<v Speaker 3>Not myself, no, no, One of my clients.

00:29:11.624 --> 00:29:13.538
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, absolutely One of my clients.

00:29:13.538 --> 00:29:23.801
<v Speaker 3>She's still serving and she she has these positions where she leads teams, that she creates new possibilities for these teams.

00:29:23.801 --> 00:29:29.038
<v Speaker 3>And we've all probably seen in the government you can get stuck in the whole.

00:29:29.038 --> 00:29:31.905
<v Speaker 3>I've been there, done that, tried that didn't work, like the whole thing.

00:29:31.905 --> 00:29:41.076
<v Speaker 3>Well, she started using the way, reshaping the way that she asks the questions in those rooms, and she came back to me.

00:29:41.076 --> 00:29:43.381
<v Speaker 3>She's like I am amazed at this.

00:29:43.381 --> 00:29:47.166
<v Speaker 3>People who were like so shut down were not engaged.

00:29:47.166 --> 00:30:03.916
<v Speaker 3>She changed the way she asked the questions and it opened up new pathways and new possibilities for them and they actually created new ways of moving forward where they were like there's no way here, there is no way to get, can't get there from here, Right, Kind of thing.

00:30:03.916 --> 00:30:14.030
<v Speaker 3>But the way that she asked the questions for that same team that she'd been working with instantly changed their ability to respond and see new possibilities.

00:30:14.615 --> 00:30:15.538
<v Speaker 2>That's fantastic.

00:30:15.538 --> 00:30:17.704
<v Speaker 2>So kind of like quality questions.

00:30:18.934 --> 00:30:19.816
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it really.

00:30:19.816 --> 00:30:25.083
<v Speaker 3>It's that like, and it's like, ok, well, we can't do that, ok, that was a different situation.

00:30:25.083 --> 00:30:27.705
<v Speaker 3>But if we were going to do it now, how might we do that?

00:30:27.705 --> 00:30:33.239
<v Speaker 3>Right, and that's the curiosity, right, not the judgment, it's that curiosity how might we do that?

00:30:33.239 --> 00:30:35.926
<v Speaker 3>Or who do I know, who do we know who could help us figure this out?

00:30:36.555 --> 00:30:38.856
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, I love it, Absolutely love it.

00:30:38.856 --> 00:30:40.078
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much for sharing that.

00:30:40.078 --> 00:30:47.425
<v Speaker 2>I always like to throw in real world examples, and you're great about sharing especially your personal examples as well.

00:30:47.425 --> 00:30:48.366
<v Speaker 2>So thank you.

00:30:48.366 --> 00:30:50.730
<v Speaker 2>So, we are at that time.

00:30:50.730 --> 00:30:52.711
<v Speaker 2>So, tina, how do people get ahold of you?

00:30:53.474 --> 00:30:55.340
<v Speaker 3>Oh, yes, I'm on LinkedIn, tina Parker.

00:30:55.340 --> 00:31:00.826
<v Speaker 3>You can also go to my website, leadoutsidethelinescom, and I'd love to connect with any of you.

00:31:01.634 --> 00:31:03.500
<v Speaker 2>Awesome, very, very cool.

00:31:03.500 --> 00:31:06.086
<v Speaker 2>So our three tips Ready.

00:31:06.086 --> 00:31:10.715
<v Speaker 2>Our three tips yes, Three tips to get veterans and their families further, faster, ok.

00:31:11.738 --> 00:31:13.082
<v Speaker 3>Your words create your world.

00:31:13.082 --> 00:31:15.488
<v Speaker 3>Choose your words wisely.

00:31:15.488 --> 00:31:18.220
<v Speaker 3>Ok, that is super, super important.

00:31:18.220 --> 00:31:20.767
<v Speaker 3>And then power statements over affirmations.

00:31:20.767 --> 00:31:22.635
<v Speaker 3>Affirmations are great.

00:31:22.635 --> 00:31:28.826
<v Speaker 3>Let's start with the power statement that feels true, so that we can get to the affirmation that actually becomes our truth.

00:31:28.826 --> 00:31:36.750
<v Speaker 3>Okay, and then the third thing I would share, which we talked about, is that we grow in the direction of the questions we ask.

00:31:36.750 --> 00:31:40.058
<v Speaker 3>So be mindful of how you're asking the questions.

00:31:40.058 --> 00:31:43.045
<v Speaker 3>It will change the landscape around you.

00:31:44.267 --> 00:31:44.969
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely Fantastic.

00:31:44.969 --> 00:31:47.279
<v Speaker 2>Love it, absolutely love it.

00:31:47.279 --> 00:31:51.904
<v Speaker 2>So, tina, thank you again for being here, and I believe you'll be back soon.

00:31:53.048 --> 00:31:53.670
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely.

00:31:53.670 --> 00:31:55.576
<v Speaker 3>This is going to be a recurring thing for us.

00:31:55.576 --> 00:31:56.357
<v Speaker 3>I'm really excited.

00:31:56.699 --> 00:31:57.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, me too.

00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:00.277
<v Speaker 2>I love always having you on here, and Susan can watch you all day long.

00:32:00.336 --> 00:32:03.886
<v Speaker 1>So she's just going to go through and create her greatest hits with Tina Parker.

00:32:06.817 --> 00:32:09.886
<v Speaker 2>So I just want to again always say put your tips up here.

00:32:09.886 --> 00:32:15.977
<v Speaker 2>I always want to say, you know, most important resource we have as human beings is time we don't get it back.

00:32:15.977 --> 00:32:18.241
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for spending all this time with us.

00:32:18.241 --> 00:32:22.601
<v Speaker 2>You always bring gold and truly appreciate it.

00:32:22.621 --> 00:32:22.881
<v Speaker 3>Thanks.

00:32:22.881 --> 00:32:25.435
<v Speaker 3>Thanks for having me on and for the work you're doing in the world, Michael.

00:32:25.876 --> 00:32:27.339
<v Speaker 2>Oh, thank you, and you as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely All right, everybody, we are out of here.

00:32:33.915 --> 00:32:40.380
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.

00:32:40.380 --> 00:32:44.058
<v Speaker 1>We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.

00:32:44.058 --> 00:32:51.022
<v Speaker 1>To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.

00:32:51.022 --> 00:32:55.617
<v Speaker 1>Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.

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<v Speaker 1>Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.

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<v Speaker 1>Catch you on the next episode.