Girl, You Gotta Go!

Music intro [Sponsor message]
Todays Girl Which Way show is brought to you by my girls on tik tok who have helped my Shaleea Venney account to get over 100 thousand views in 2 just days! Your support and willingness to speak your truths in those comments and in those private messages to me have inspired this episode. This is for my girls! I see you and did this one for you!
Speaking intro​
: ​"Hello and welcome to The Girl, Which Way?! Podcast. The show that exists because
life is a journey but you still need direction.
Grab your girls and get ready because each episode we will be talking about our real life issues, answering questions, and building solid relationships with one another as we heal and learn.
I'm your host, your girl, Shaleea Venney and todays’ show is all about walking away when it’s not easy!  We’ll discuss the ins and outs of being a tough relationship and signs it’s time to leave.
Topic #1: Duration
: So In Love
Main point:
Ladies, have you ever loved a man? I mean that “feel in your soul, never let it go” kind of love? You give him your very best efforts and do everything you can to make sure he knows how loved and special he is to you. He stretches you and makes you want to be the best version of yourself- for him. You want to to share his last name, give him babies, and make a life with him. You can’t believe how lucky you are that YOU have found what so many women complain there aren’t any of- A Good man. He treats you well, looks lovingly into your eyes and constantly makes you feel as though there’s no one else in the world for him but you. Your love only grows fonder each day and you thank God for allowing you to experience this kind of love. Until one day, you wake up and the other shoe drops.
Topic #2: Your Happiness Was Short Lived
Main point
One day, you get this gut instinct that something is not right. I always listen to this feeling because I think God talks to us through our gut, that little voice I believe is Gods. God will always make sure that what is done in the dark comes to the light sooner or later and here it is.
Sis, I know this feeling and it can disrupt your life like nothing ever. You break into a cold sweat but feel hot and your forehead Is dripping sweat. Your stomach tightens up and butterflies are ferociously fluttering while feeling like you have to have a bowel movement at the same time. Your heart is beating so fast and loudly, you can hear it and feel like you may pass out from the sheer adrenaline happening all at once inside of your body. You feel devastated and flashes of rage all at once. How could he do this to you? How could he betray your trust and your relationship? What do you do now? Do you confront him? Do you mess his stuff up? Punch him in the face, bust the windows out his car like Jazmine or take a louieville slugger to both headlights like Carrie Underwood? You’re embarrassed, how will everyone in your lives react? If you have children, this is the end of your familial unit and their normalcy going forward. You begin to feel every single emotion of the Grief spectrum at once. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. You go from he didn’t do this to us, to how the hell could he do this to us, to maybe It was something I could’ve done differently, to crying your eyes, before finally accepting the fact that this man is not who you thought he was all this time.
You have a discussion with him about his extra-relationshiptional affairs and he immediately goes into the I’m sorry’s, I didn’t mean to hurt you, she means nothing, it was only sex, I’ll never hurt you again, Please don’t leave me speeches. He says he will change and promises to get his act right. Either one or two of things happens here- You say forget that and walk away at that moment OR you decide to give him another chance. If you are the woman who walked away after the first discussion, good for you sis. You cut things off and never looked back. I want to talk to my sisters who opted to stay for whatever reason though. I want to talk to my sisters who weren’t ready to go after the first time because you gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed him thinking everyone can change and believing that he really did love you deep down. If she is you, lets talk about it.
No judgment babe, I get you wanting to make your family work. You love this man and I feel you. You forgave him and for a while things did change. He was doing everything he promised he would. He changed how he came and went, how he communicated, and how he loved on you in general. He was determined to make you realize how sorry he truly was and to show you that you could believe in him again and, slowly but surely, things went back to normal. It wasn’t easy because the trust was broken, but you found your way back to the love you once shared before the betrayal and things were good, until they weren’t!
Some time has passed since he started putting on his goodie two shoe routine and you start to notice things that trigger you and cause you to be concerned there is some bs going on again. Low and behold you confirm your suspicions and prove your theory to be right. This time it’s even worse than the last time because you have just rebuilt the trust only for it to be destroyed again. You can’t believe this! Your heart is in shambles and you feel so stupid for believing and taking him back only to have him make a fool out of you! You confront him again and just like the first time, he starts with the baby, baby pleases and I’m sorry’s. You have had enough and you’re ready to leave once and for all but there is a little something holding you back. How can you be 100% percent sure? He is a good man, outside of the fact that he steps out on you from time to time. He tries to cover his tracks but God is a good GOD and He always reveals the truth to you. You’re not sure you have the strength to leave. -Can I also note that some women have replayed this scenario more than twice and hasn’t left because she truly doesn’t believe she deserves better yet or is afraid of starting over. Sis! You deserve better.
Topic #3: When It's Time To Leave
Main point
So, we’ve been talking about being in a relationship and in love with someone who isn’t emotionally able to give us back the effort that we put in. Loving someone this way, might seem like it’ll work for now but it’s doing a number on you and it’s time to see the relationship for what it is, not what it could be.
Here are 5 Ways To Know It’s Time to Say Goodbye
1. You Can’t Fully Be Present Because You’re Afraid—
With everything in you, you want to love this man with your full capacity. You want to be his everything and give him your all but you’re terrified! You feel like you are cruising for bruising- meaning, this won’t end well. You’re afraid that as soon as you give him your all again and exhale, he will make you regret it and break your heart into a million pieces. So you give him some of your heart but not fully like you used to. -The good news is, you love this man so much that, even pieces of your heart are enough to sustain him more than the pieces that he could ever give you of his. It’s still not coming from the same place.
2.
He Tries To Make You Feel Like His behavior is Normal and He’s Just Being A Man
He says stuff like “It’s different for men! You don’t understand! Just because I do what I do with them, I don’t love them, I love you. It’s just sex. I’d never actually leave you for them. You’re looking at this too deep babe. All men cheat. We are wired differently than women. Ummmm….. No sir. You are a narcissistic, ego maniac and you need Jesus. TUH DAY
3. He Calls You A Drama Queen and Hates When You Want to Discuss His Issues
Whenever you try to discuss the past, he gets upset and asks why do we have to have this conversation again? He gets angry and starts threatening you with stuff like, see you don’t trust me, what are we even doing together, we should just go our separate ways… because he hopes you will back down. You are absolutely right for wanting to talk about your feelings with the person responsible for those feelings. He is a butthole for not allowing you a safe space to heal properly. There are so many words left unsaid.
4.
You Don’t Really Feel Safe With Him- You Feel His Love Doesn’t Match Yours
You feel like you love him way more than he loves you- in a bad way. You wish he could be as loyal and see you the way you see him. You know deep down that he doesn’t so you never really feel safe with him because you feel like, if your efforts and energy aren’t matched- the downfall is inevitable.
5.
You Don’t Feel You Can Trust Him
Perhaps it’s because he has shown you this himself. When he tells you you can trust in him, you feel deep down it’s a lie. You feel like he tells you what you want to hear instead of making real efforts to be better. You always have a sinking feeling that he’s going to destroy your heart again.
He doesn’t want to change….
Segue
Outro: Duration:
( Conclusion ) Love is a beautiful emotion- I think it’s my favorite. But if that love makes you feel low. If that love makes you question your sanity and your beliefs. If that love takes more than it gives. If it asks you to serve more than it serves you. If it leaves your cup empty because you’re constantly filling up theirs. Is it even love? Love is meant to be reciprocated. Love is supposed to be work between two people- I said TWO people. You can’t be the only one doing the work. It’s too hard and heavy a load to carry alone. If this love leaves you feeling empty and under-appreciated. If it makes you long for more. If you find yourself in a fight with your mind and your heart and defending your relationship more than enjoying  it, you know what time it is my love.
My fear is that you will stay with this man until he squeezes every bit of love you have left out of you. I don’t want you to get to the point where you start believing that ALL MEN are this way and are too afraid to even talk to anyone else out of fear of this same betrayal. Not all men are the same. Don’t allow this one to kill the love in your heart that God gave you to give to the man He has for you. God always has better for you, you just need to get out of the way. You deserve someone who WANTS to be with you and desires to actually give you what you’re looking for. Do you realize there are literally men out there praying for a woman like you and you’re over here entertaining someone who has made it clear he will not be what you need him to be? Sis drop Future and wait for God to send your Russell. I love you and I am praying for you always.
[Sponsor message] Todays show was brought to the beautiful women following the  Shaleea Venney page on tik tok. We love you! Please rate the show on your favorite streaming platform, share it with one person who you think needs to hear it and, ask them to do the same.
Remember, good better best, never let it rest, till your good is better, and your better is best.  Until next time.. Your friend and motivator- Shaleea Bye
Music outro