Girl, Do We Date Like Lori Harvey?

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Speaking intro​: ​"Hello and welcome to The Girl, Which Way?! Podcast. The show that exists because
life is a journey but you still need direction.
Grab your girls and get ready because each episode we will be talking about our real life issues, answering questions, and building solid relationships with one another as we heal and learn.
I'm your host,  your girl, Shaleea Venney  and today we're going to be talking about
Dating and the Lori Harvey Effect
. We'll discuss the ins and outs of
Dating, what it looks like, and how we can be better at it
and offer listeners a special surprise at the end; be sure to listen all the way through for the details!
Topic #1: Duration
:( Is Lori Harvey Goals or Nah? )
Main point:
Is Lori Harvey considered promiscuous or actual goals?  Headlines have blown up over the last couples weeks with everyone talking about Lori Harvey and her new boo Michael B Jordan. The reactions have been mostly mixed but I have seen her catching a lot of flack and people either calling her the Goat or making snide remarks like “Whew! If ran through was a person”. So I gotta ask. Is Lori a hoe? Is she trash?
In the last couple of years she has been engaged to dutch football star Memphis Depay, dated Trey Songz, race car driver Lewis Hamilton, Mogul Diddy and his son Justin, Rapper Future, and now of course Michael B Jordan. It’s a nice little list for sure.
The beautiful 24 year old has been seen living what looks like an amazing life jet setting across the world with some of the most eligible bachelors on the planet. Is she just having fun or is she nasty? How do we draw the line?
Women will always catch more flack from society for doing the same things that men do. It’s just how it goes. Men date around and swap out women like their shoes but If women do it, we are shunned by everyone. Is that right? My answer to that question, I will admit is sort of mixed. I don’t think that women should hold ourselves to the same standard as men in many ways, and our sexual conquests is one of them. I might be in the minority here, but I’m not the type of woman to just jump into everyone’s bed. Even if I weren’t married. It’s just not my style. That being said. How do we know what Lori had going on in her bedroom? We should never assume what someone may or may not be doing behind closed doors. Just because we have seen Lori linked to all these men, that doesn’t mean she is actually sleeping with them. How do we know? Maybe she is dating them, sees a red flag, and moves on. Maybe she is playing in the sheets with them all. Who knows for sure?! I say we give our good sis the benefit of the doubt and assume the best. While we are not men, we as women can learn a few things from them and from Lori about finding out what we want in life.
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Topic #2: Duration:
( What is dating?)
Main point
What is Dating Exactly?
Should Be Dating Multiple People?
Let’s define dating because it amazes me how many people don’t know what it means to date someone.
Definition of dating:
Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship. It is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by the couple, either alone or with others
Wow. So dating is literally getting together with someone you find attractive in some way, to see if there’s actually anything between you two worth pursuing? It’s all about getting to know someone. Getting to know someone, now there’s a concept. Are we still doing that anymore? It seems like all I see is people swapping juices with people almost immediately talking about we’re dating- no, you’re having sex and it’s not the same! Where in the definition of dating, did it say you take off your panties?
This is part of the problem. We don’t get to know anyone anymore because everyone is super accessible yet emotionally unavailable. You can swipe left and slide into a dm, and get nude pics in an instant. You are out hooking up with guys because you like them but don’t even get to know them. If you subtract the bedroom stuff from the equation, you might find, you have nothing in common, he’s kind of a jerk, he has no goals or ambitions, or he is just no where near serious boyfriend/hubby material. But you don’t wait and give yourself enough time to see any of that. Then we blame it on the guys or the women. Guys say stuff like my baby mama is trash, or girls say stuff my baby daddy Is such a bum! You would’ve known that had you waited to vet that person out before diving into bed. Now you’re stuck with this person because of a one night bad decision on your part. Sex will always cloud your judgment and make you settle for things you wouldn’t have had you kept your clothes on.
We can learn a few things from Lori in my opinion. Maybe she is not the type to settle for anything besides what she wants and knows how to show a man the door if he does not measure up.
It is important to find out who we are and what we want from our partners. You have to talk to your guy so that you are on the same page. I spoke to a young lady who told me that she hooked up with a guy the first day they met and that they meet every weekend and hook up at hotels. One weekend, she went to meet up with him and he was ready when she arrived but she was on her menstrual and asked if they could just hang out and watch Netflix or something. He got upset and said “ Well then I can just go out and find something to do”. Was he wrong? Nope, not to me. You started off the relationship with one thing and have made a habit to keep repeating that one thing. This is what he expects the relationship to be. You can’t just decide to change the terms all willy nilly now cause you want more. You should have established that from the beginning. This is why it’s important to communicate and find out where you both stand. Do you know how many people I have seen get hurt because they thought they had a boyfriend but bro was single single? a whole free agent? If no one discussed being exclusive, you can’t assume.
Then again, maybe you don’t want anything serious and you’re not pushing for anything long term, that’s ok too. You still don’t need to be collecting bodies and soul ties with everyone though. If you don’t know what soul ties are, you should look them up, cause they are very real. Either way. Speak up sis. Make your desires clear.
Topic #3: Duration:
( Dating No No’s)
Main point Owning Our Singleness
So we’ve been talking about dating and what it looks, but how do we own our dating/singleness?
Here are 5 ways you can be in better control of your romantic life
1.Fear of being alone.
We’ve all met that serial dater that is
always
with someone. Today they post their single, tomorrow they are boo’d up. SIS! Don’t be her. Learn how to be an individual. Who are you? What makes you happy? Why do you feel the need to always be apart of a couple? Does your value come from someone else? You may be broken if think being with someone gives you more value or makes you more interesting. Being single doesn’t automatically mean you’re lonely. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean you’re happy either. You need to find fulfillment and happiness within before you go out looking to be in a relationship. Your relationships won’t work until you do the work to heal yourself first even if you find the best partner, you’ll ruin it. Love for yourself always has to be first and foremost.
As I say in my bestselling book, Little girl little girl, don’t get lost in this world: You can’t fill your empty spaces by having random guys fill your private spaces. Guys can’t fix your brokenness, they’ll make it worse. Heal sis.
2.
Changing Who You Are to please someone else
. You don’t drink, you don’t smoke, you’re not into that crowd but your guy is! Now here you go shifting and molding into someone you think he’ll like more because you’re afraid he won’t like you as is. Sis is he dating himself or is he dating you? IF you can’t show up fully yourself… it’s a no for me. He better love your goofy, talkative, crazy little self. Baby! My man better love all of me like John Legend or I don’t want him!
3. You Think if you don’t give up the goods he won’t stick around. Whew I see this ALOT. Let me tell you what this means in case you don’t see the problem. You feeling this way
is essentially you saying that’s all you have to offer. You feel good about your bedroom bravado and you want to use your skills because you think that’ll hook your man and keep him around. Baby girl, don’t you know we all have one of those? He can get that from literally anybody else and if that’s all you have to offer him, he will most certainly get it from someone else. YOU are the prize not your poom poom.- Lead with your spirit and your heart so that he can see that.
4.
My older girls- Waiting for him to change or to be ready for you.
We’ve all seen her or been her. You are way more into him than he is into you. He makes subtle comments about how he’s not ready or he wants to be with other people. You normalize it and opt to wait for him to change and grow up enough to be ready for you. Guys know who and what they want and they know right away. Don’t be fooled. Admittedly most men, aren’t ready to settle down right now- why would they be when life is like a girl buffet? Girls just out here giving it away left and right. BUT When he meets you, if he’s really into you, he will make a real effort to change and be what he needs to be for you. Make no mistake about it. Men always wise up if they find someone worth it. If he doesn’t want to lose you, he will show you that he doesn’t want to lose you. You won’t have to put a gun to his head. Don’t be afraid to walk away if it isn’t what you want. People with true intentions step up. People that are playing games need to step off.
5. Not Knowing what you want and making it clear.
Are you Just out here dealing with everybody without any real plan. WHAT DO YOU WANT? MARRIAGE, FAMILY? RELATIONSHIP GOALS? A ROOMMATE? TRAVEL COMPANION? WHAT DO YOU WANT? Not what you are settling for because you have no choice. Like for example, you want to be in a serious committed relationship but he isn’t ready so you take what you can get. NAW SIS? Be honest with yourself about what you really want and what you are willing to settle for. Most of the time your relationships don’t work because you don’t establish parameters and boundaries. You don’t set the tone for the relationship. Where is this going? What is the endgame? Why are you seeing each other?
SIs if you don’t know who you are or what you want, you will fall victim to yourself. Don’t get mad at your potential suitors for the choices you make and how you teach them to treat you. Date if you must but smart and intentional about it. You must be selective about who you allow to take up your time and energy. Whatever you do know that taking off your panties won’t land you the relationship you think want, in fact it may do more harm than good. Take it slow and make it meaningful.
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Outro: Duration:
( Conclusion ) SIs if you don’t know who you are or what you want, you will fall victim to yourself. Don’t get mad at your potential suitors for the choices you make and how you teach them to treat you. Date if you must but be smart and intentional about it. You must be selective about who you allow to take up your time and energy. Whatever you do, know that taking off your panties won’t land you the relationship you think want, in fact it may do more harm than good. Take it slow, get to know yourself, and the guy you’re pursuing so that you can go in with your eyes open. Dating can be a beautiful experience but understand what dating is and what is isn’t. If you’re big enough to enter into a relationship with someone, you’re big enough to handle the consequences. Our girl Lori is out here teaching us that we don’t have to settle for a future if we don’t want to. If you want to though, I wish you well. Either way, it’s your choice, but there will be consequences. If our consequences happen to look like Michael B Jordan though, then girl sign me up tuhday!
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Remember, good better best, never let it rest, till your good is better, and your better is best.  Until next time.. Your friend and motivator- Shaleea Bye
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