Empowering Veteran Transformation: Andy Weins' Journey Through Mindset Shifts, Vulnerability, and Entrepreneurial Success

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.

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<v Speaker 1>Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.

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<v Speaker 1>Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.

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<v Speaker 1>Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, hello, hello everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>So today we have a special guest, super excited about this.

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<v Speaker 2>Andy Wines is a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom.

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<v Speaker 2>With over 20 years of service in the Army Reserves.

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<v Speaker 2>He's a successful entrepreneur and advocate for veterans.

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<v Speaker 2>We're going to dive into that Super excited.

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<v Speaker 2>He is the founder of Green Up Solutions and Camo Crew Junk Removal where he leverages his military experience to lead and innovate.

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<v Speaker 2>He is the co-host of Trash Talk Business Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>We're going to get into all this stuff, Andy.

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<v Speaker 2>Why don't you just tell us just a little bit more about yourself?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, no, you hit the nail on the head.

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<v Speaker 3>Fourth generation entrepreneur, army veteran out here doing the thing, and along the way, I decided to start some podcasts and write a book and share what I've learned over the last 40 years so I can make life simpler for others.

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<v Speaker 3>Life is complicated and my goal is to write a series of books to make life simpler, and I'm doing that.

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<v Speaker 3>And the whole goal and what I love about this podcast and this opportunity we have today is your thoughts, your reality, all the things I've studied, the people that I look up to and look forward to learning from the Les Browns of the world, stephen Covey right, it's all about your thoughts and how they govern your reality.

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<v Speaker 3>And the book I wrote is all about the words and my goal, my why in this world, is to change the world one word at a time.

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<v Speaker 3>So let's talk about that.

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<v Speaker 2>Amen, I absolutely love it.

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<v Speaker 2>So just before we get started, I want to remind everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>The top right corner you have a blue QR code.

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<v Speaker 2>That a little bit over there you go.

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<v Speaker 2>Perfect.

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<v Speaker 2>I always point the wrong way and I know.

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<v Speaker 3>I go top right.

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<v Speaker 3>But I was like we're inverse and I'm used to being the other, I'm used to being the other, I'm used to being the host.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're uh, yeah, absolutely anyway, scan that it takes you to empower performance strategiescom for people that are listening on podcast forums.

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<v Speaker 2>Later again empower performance strategiescom all kinds of um resources, some facebook groups for veterans and their families, as well some books and things I've written.

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<v Speaker 2>So, so please check that out.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, andy, you ready, let's do it, let's roll.

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<v Speaker 2>So let's start off with your military experience, if we can.

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<v Speaker 2>So how has that shaped your approach for entrepreneurship and community leadership, for that matter?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so my background I did a year in Iraq, a year down in Guantanamo Bay, cuba, and the defining moment in my life as I look back in retrospect I was voluntold to go to master resiliency training 10 years ago, 2014, en route to Gitmo in Guantanamo Bay, cuba.

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<v Speaker 3>I served a year down there and as I went through master resiliency training, I had this idea, the first 10 years of my military service and my life, right I'm 30 at this point that I got to go hard.

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<v Speaker 3>It's all about hard.

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<v Speaker 3>It's all about being tough.

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<v Speaker 3>It's all about being strong.

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<v Speaker 3>It's all about you know who can unsheathe the sword the fastest?

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<v Speaker 3>Right.

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<v Speaker 3>And I learned from that school, like, within the first hour it's an 80-hour course within the first hour right that going hard isn't always the best approach.

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<v Speaker 3>I also learned that the world around me is also a direct result of how I see it, and these are all mind-blowing concepts, because up until that point, I just wanted to blame all my problems on other people, because that was super convenient and so that was it right.

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<v Speaker 3>It's 20 years and I did all the things right the deployments and the reserve time and the training and the rank and all this stuff, and yet that is the one moment, that first hour of resiliency training, when I realized and now this is my battle cry this year it is to be strong enough to be soft, and that was the seed that was planted.

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<v Speaker 3>Then, right, we'd read the poem Invictus, talking about you know to be, you know my head, you know bloody and unbowed and all this other stuff and this badass stuff, and then realize it's like, well, you don't have to be Billy Badass, right, you have to be conscious of the world around you and your thoughts.

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<v Speaker 3>And when you're conscious of that, then you can start listening to the environment.

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<v Speaker 3>Once you start listening to the environment, life becomes a lot simpler.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, and it's really a great point, because people don't realize until they're actually trying to be vulnerable how courageous you have to be to do it.

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<v Speaker 3>People don't realize until they're actually trying to be vulnerable, how courageous you have to be to do it.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that was the opening line Almost the opening line, of mass resiliency.

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<v Speaker 3>Training is asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

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<v Speaker 3>Amen, right Like how simple.

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<v Speaker 3>Is that Right?

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<v Speaker 3>And since that time I've become.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, I was a father of a four-month-old at the time, but it's like that sentence has changed the way that I parent.

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<v Speaker 3>So it changed the way I am in relationships with others.

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<v Speaker 3>It's changed the way I am as a business owner.

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<v Speaker 3>It changed the way I am as a soldier.

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<v Speaker 3>I got back from Gitmo and in Gitmo I earned a letter of reprimand along with some other stuff because I challenged conventional wisdom.

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<v Speaker 3>And I came back as a career counselor and I had an opportunity to get out of the army and I was a little jaded and frustrated.

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<v Speaker 3>I said hold on, how do I take this piss?

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<v Speaker 3>Poor leadership that I saw in the military, how do I become the leader that I always wanted?

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<v Speaker 3>And then leading with accepting people for where they're at and becoming a career counselor.

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<v Speaker 3>It gave me access to soldiers when they were vulnerable.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because up until that point it's.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, we're training the military not to be vulnerable.

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<v Speaker 3>And all of a sudden, when I take my top off and the ranks off and we're having a conversation and people open up to me, I was a career counselor and I turned into being a financial counselor and a marriage counselor and a career counselor, a civilian career counselor, an educational counselor and I got to see soldiers being vulnerable for the first time, sometimes in their career.

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<v Speaker 3>And then I got to see the good stuff vulnerable for the first time, sometimes in their career.

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<v Speaker 3>And then I got to see the good stuff and then from that I've been able to understand what are soldiers really going through and how do we meet them at the human level.

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<v Speaker 3>I can shoot and run APFT, brm.

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<v Speaker 3>We got that right.

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<v Speaker 3>How do we train them to be great humans?

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<v Speaker 3>And when they're great humans, then they're going to be great soldiers and great leaders.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I think that's really important, not only if we can get in there early enough, but during the transition period, I mean.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'll talk about my two transformations, it's not a transition, right?

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<v Speaker 3>The idea of I hate the word transition, so I'm going to.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm going to ask that for my own right.

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<v Speaker 3>It's transformation and what it comes down to is we go from troops and boots to veterans in the civilian world.

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<v Speaker 3>And it's a transformation.

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<v Speaker 3>You have to transform your mindset.

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<v Speaker 3>So I'll give it two times.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, got back from Iraq.

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<v Speaker 3>I spent the first six weeks in the bar, and then I went back to work for six weeks and then I got rid of all my stuff and was homeless for a year and touring the country with a band, right.

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<v Speaker 3>And then I'm like, oh, I should start to settle down and do all the things.

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<v Speaker 3>So then I spent six months.

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<v Speaker 3>I bought a house, I got a girlfriend, I got a dog and I got a job right, and then I got laid off from my job.

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<v Speaker 3>And now, all of a sudden, I've been home for 18 months and I haven't actually done anything different.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm still in this mindset.

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<v Speaker 3>Even then I'm like, oh, let's go back to Iraq.

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<v Speaker 3>That was my plan.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's go back to Iraq, right, because Iraq felt like home.

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<v Speaker 3>None of those places the bar, the job, the girlfriend none of them felt like home.

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<v Speaker 3>And I found myself back in the bar and it wasn't until I was told I had a drinking problem by the VA, which I thought was comical right.

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<v Speaker 3>I had a boredom problem and really, as I look back, I had an identity problem.

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<v Speaker 3>I wanted to be a soldier and the world didn't need Andy to be a soldier.

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<v Speaker 3>The world needed Andy to be a good person and I wasn't a good person.

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<v Speaker 3>I to be a soldier, the world needed Andy to be a good person and I wasn't a good person.

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<v Speaker 3>I wasn't a good person myself and because I wasn't a good person myself, I wasn't a good person to everybody else.

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<v Speaker 3>So I figured it out right.

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<v Speaker 3>I started counseling and I got a job.

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<v Speaker 3>I started going to college.

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<v Speaker 3>I started working on me.

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<v Speaker 3>As soon as I started investing in me, then my life changed.

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<v Speaker 3>Now let's fast forward eight years.

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<v Speaker 3>I get back from Gitmo and I got my letter of reprimand.

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<v Speaker 3>I transitioned units.

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<v Speaker 3>As soon as I got back home, I started going through a divorce.

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<v Speaker 3>I started dating a woman, right, and I was like oh, I'll just expedite this, I've done it before.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's just take this 18 month process and let's rip it down to 90 days, right, like when you come home, you're like don't make any major decisions in 90 days.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm like, well, let me think about this.

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<v Speaker 3>I started a new job, I got a new house, I started a divorce and I started dating somebody, all within 90 days.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm smart enough, I already know the end state.

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<v Speaker 3>Let me just expedite this.

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<v Speaker 3>We don't need time for growth and healing.

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<v Speaker 3>It still took 18 months.

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<v Speaker 3>Because 18 months later I'm like wow, I'm a mess because I never took the time to transform.

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<v Speaker 3>I thought again, I could just, and I had all the information right.

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<v Speaker 3>It went through master resiliency training, I, I, I was, you know, I was a platoon sergeant, I led soldiers, I right, I had this ego about myself that I had it all figured out.

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<v Speaker 3>I'll just make it go faster this time around.

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<v Speaker 3>Uh, and speed was not my friend.

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<v Speaker 3>So in both times it's the opportunity to understand where I'm at.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, there's this joke I hear a lot of time with coaching and people say, well, awareness is the first step, and that's.

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<v Speaker 3>I hate that advice, terrible advice.

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<v Speaker 3>Reflection is the first step.

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<v Speaker 3>Look back, reflect on how did you show up in certain situations and the way you showed up.

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<v Speaker 3>Did it serve you and your long-term goals or not?

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<v Speaker 3>Because it's subjective to say, well, it's good or bad, right, positive, negative.

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<v Speaker 3>It is clearly objective to say hold on, did the way I showed up in this moment serve my long-term goals, yes or no?

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<v Speaker 3>So the first question you got to ask yourself is well, what's my long-term goal?

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<v Speaker 3>Right?

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<v Speaker 3>What is my North Star right?

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<v Speaker 3>Mark Twain talks about it right.

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<v Speaker 3>Is my North Star right?

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<v Speaker 3>Mark Twain talks about it right.

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<v Speaker 3>The two most important days of your life are the day you're born and the day you figure out why.

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<v Speaker 3>And that why may change right.

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<v Speaker 3>I said from the top right.

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<v Speaker 3>My why right now is to change the world one word at a time.

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<v Speaker 3>Right.

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<v Speaker 3>My battle cry is strong enough to be soft.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, in six months, that may change.

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<v Speaker 3>It's better to have a goal that may change over time than wander around the world aimlessly to have a goal that may change over time than wander around the world aimlessly.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, not only that, andy, but as you grow and you mature and your perspectives change as well, so it should change, right.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, that's my opinion anyway, you evolve as a human, you evolve, right, it's constant course correction.

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<v Speaker 3>The key is have that thing that you're going after, right.

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<v Speaker 3>So what happened?

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<v Speaker 3>What now?

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<v Speaker 3>Why I live a fulfilling life now is I am consistently reflecting and say, hey, is what I'm doing serving, yes or no?

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<v Speaker 3>And then, through that work where we get with the stuff below the iceberg, ideology, we get what's below the surface, right, and now we are aware of our subconscious, we are aware of how we are responding naturally, right and instinctively.

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<v Speaker 3>And then we can, aware of our subconscious, we are aware of how we are responding naturally and instinctively, and then we can do the third step and this is the step, this is the most critical step is the self-regulation.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like we've thought, we know, and now, how do we actually show up in the world?

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<v Speaker 3>Because awareness is great, right, and like they say, awareness is the first step.

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<v Speaker 3>No, it is how do you actually regulate in real time and what makes you best?

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<v Speaker 3>Like, right before the show, you said, hey, did you look at the questions?

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<v Speaker 3>No, I did not.

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<v Speaker 3>Next question right, because I know for me, I have a tendency to overthink.

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<v Speaker 3>And so what I would, right, so before I was aware of how I operate.

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<v Speaker 3>I would read all the questions, I would come up with great answers and then I would sit here in an attempt to regurgitate them in real time, and that doesn't serve my purpose, right?

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<v Speaker 3>That doesn't serve my purpose of being authentic.

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<v Speaker 3>Because I'm not being authentic, I'm being well-hearsed and well-prepared.

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<v Speaker 3>I might as well be a politician at this point, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I totally agree.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, it's funny how we're very similar in that sense, because I will sit there and I so here's the secret I don't really look at the questions either, I do them, I put them away and then we flow, right.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, organic conversation is always the best conversation in my you know my perspective anyway, so really really love what you said about that, Right, Truly so, when you started your companies, if you will.

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<v Speaker 2>But talk, talk to me a little bit more about green up solutions and camo crew junk removal.

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<v Speaker 2>What are those?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>So green up solutions.

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<v Speaker 3>My brother and I wrote it on a napkin the day before I shipped out to Gitmo and I told myself I had worked.

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<v Speaker 3>I had done all the things right From 18 to 30, it's like I worked for small businesses, I worked for big companies and corporations.

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<v Speaker 3>I deployed right, joined the army.

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<v Speaker 3>I became a manager at a Fortune 500 company, you know, at waste management.

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<v Speaker 3>So I done all these things and all the while I was running away from my true passion.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm a fourth-generation entrepreneur.

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<v Speaker 3>I have two younger brothers.

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<v Speaker 3>Between the three of us, we have zero jobs.

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<v Speaker 3>We are unemployable individuals.

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<v Speaker 3>My dad worked for about 10 years post-college for other people.

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<v Speaker 3>My grandfather worked for about 10 years post-high school.

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<v Speaker 3>We all worked for about 10 years and then, after about 10 years, we're like, yeah, this isn't for us, right, it takes a lot of work to not have a job.

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<v Speaker 3>And so, right before I left Forgetmo, I said, okay, I'm done with this, I'm going to do this deployment and when I come home, I'm going to build the life I want.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm going to put working on my own dreams.

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<v Speaker 3>So we started Green Up Solutions and the idea there was I'm going to come home and I'm going to be an environmental consultant.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm going to have a bachelor's degree with a focus on environmental studies or a bit, you know, business management with a focus on environmental studies, and I'm going to tell big corporations how they can reduce their environmental impact.

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<v Speaker 3>And that was in 2016.

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<v Speaker 3>And so far, in eight years, I've made a total of $0 for my perspective or opinion on environmental impact.

00:14:02.238 --> 00:14:05.068
<v Speaker 3>Right Cause, the goal is you got to create solutions.

00:14:05.068 --> 00:14:08.133
<v Speaker 3>They don't want to see the piece of paper that says this is what you should do.

00:14:08.133 --> 00:14:08.432
<v Speaker 3>Right?

00:14:08.432 --> 00:14:10.135
<v Speaker 3>The shit word no.

00:14:10.135 --> 00:14:13.360
<v Speaker 3>What is it you need to do and what can I do to implement that?

00:14:16.565 --> 00:14:18.945
<v Speaker 3>And so the first thing we did after starting Green Hub Solutions is we got into the franchise world doing junk removal.

00:14:18.945 --> 00:14:20.731
<v Speaker 3>So I had done junk removal for years.

00:14:20.731 --> 00:14:21.967
<v Speaker 3>I had it as a side hustle.

00:14:21.967 --> 00:14:24.975
<v Speaker 3>I cleaned out houses and buildings and moved people and did all this stuff.

00:14:24.975 --> 00:14:26.217
<v Speaker 3>So we started doing drunk removal.

00:14:26.217 --> 00:14:29.011
<v Speaker 3>We did the franchise world for about four years.

00:14:29.011 --> 00:14:30.216
<v Speaker 3>I got jaded.

00:14:30.216 --> 00:14:35.176
<v Speaker 3>It was a veteran brand and they took all the worst parts of being a veteran and they plastered it.

00:14:35.176 --> 00:14:39.605
<v Speaker 3>It's like, oh, veterans struggle and veterans need this, and without us, veterans will kill themselves.

00:14:39.605 --> 00:14:40.506
<v Speaker 3>And it's like no.

00:14:40.506 --> 00:14:40.767
<v Speaker 3>How about?

00:14:40.767 --> 00:14:43.211
<v Speaker 3>Veterans have all these amazing talents and abilities?

00:14:43.211 --> 00:14:45.053
<v Speaker 3>Let's focus on that, amen.

00:14:45.115 --> 00:14:48.120
<v Speaker 3>I got out of the franchise world COVID hit.

00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:49.610
<v Speaker 3>I had a two-year non-compete.

00:14:49.610 --> 00:14:51.371
<v Speaker 3>I got involved in some other businesses.

00:14:51.371 --> 00:14:53.312
<v Speaker 3>I had a rage room entertainment company.

00:14:53.312 --> 00:14:55.393
<v Speaker 3>I had a networking and speaking company.

00:14:55.393 --> 00:14:56.804
<v Speaker 3>I had a videography company.

00:14:56.804 --> 00:15:01.894
<v Speaker 3>Right now, I'm obsessed with entrepreneurship and you give me two years of time, I'm going to chase squirrels.

00:15:01.894 --> 00:15:07.331
<v Speaker 3>Non-compete gets up.

00:15:07.331 --> 00:15:15.408
<v Speaker 3>I rebuy the assets to my former company, relaunched Camel Crew two and a half years ago, and now we are one of the top regional junk removal companies here in the Midwest.

00:15:15.408 --> 00:15:35.192
<v Speaker 3>I've also transformed that also into the podcast, the Trash Talk Business Podcast, where I take the lessons learned every day here with Camel Crew and I share them free for all the junk removal companies in here in North America and across the world on how to be more environmentally sustainable while running a junk removal company.

00:15:35.192 --> 00:15:44.916
<v Speaker 3>So eight years later, I'm doing exactly what I, what I want to do, which is impact the environment through entrepreneurship love it it man.

00:15:44.936 --> 00:15:49.730
<v Speaker 2>You know, we were very similar in that sense, about the same age group.

00:15:49.730 --> 00:15:53.485
<v Speaker 2>I was like done working for other people and went off and did the same thing.

00:15:53.485 --> 00:15:54.647
<v Speaker 2>So amen, man.

00:15:54.647 --> 00:15:58.715
<v Speaker 2>So you said, you've written some books or a book.

00:15:58.715 --> 00:16:02.447
<v Speaker 2>Sorry, so I wrote a book and I'm writing two more.

00:16:02.927 --> 00:16:06.717
<v Speaker 3>So the book I wrote is called Words Fucking Matter.

00:16:06.717 --> 00:16:09.472
<v Speaker 3>Retrain your Brain to Use Language that Serves you.

00:16:09.472 --> 00:16:11.445
<v Speaker 3>And this book I always have a copy.

00:16:11.445 --> 00:16:18.553
<v Speaker 3>I have a copy right next to my desk here that has coffee stains all over it, because it also ends up being the spot where I put my coffee cup.

00:16:18.553 --> 00:16:21.328
<v Speaker 3>Because I have a coffee cup.

00:16:21.328 --> 00:16:21.691
<v Speaker 3>You know what?

00:16:21.691 --> 00:16:22.634
<v Speaker 3>I'm hydrated, right?

00:16:22.634 --> 00:16:24.030
<v Speaker 3>I have a coffee cup and a water.

00:16:24.030 --> 00:16:33.111
<v Speaker 3>Right, so you know what I I'm hydrated, right, I have a coffee cup and a water.

00:16:33.111 --> 00:16:33.379
<v Speaker 3>Right, so you know what I mean.

00:16:33.379 --> 00:16:33.434
<v Speaker 3>Right.

00:16:33.434 --> 00:16:34.285
<v Speaker 3>Processes, anyhow.

00:16:34.285 --> 00:16:35.006
<v Speaker 3>Uh, words fucking matter.

00:16:34.961 --> 00:16:36.775
<v Speaker 3>I took what I learned in mass resiliency training and I started writing a book.

00:16:36.775 --> 00:16:39.573
<v Speaker 3>So it started with a book, um, called hustle, struggle, grind, the 13 lessons of life.

00:16:39.573 --> 00:16:40.495
<v Speaker 3>And I got a.

00:16:40.495 --> 00:16:50.404
<v Speaker 3>I got a co-writer, uh, or ghostwriter rather and we started writing this book and after 90 days, we're sitting there on a Zoom call and she goes we got nothing right.

00:16:50.404 --> 00:16:54.211
<v Speaker 3>I just spent 90 days doing an outline, and she goes we got nothing here.

00:16:54.211 --> 00:16:58.417
<v Speaker 3>Nothing binds all these things together, and she goes.

00:16:58.417 --> 00:16:59.524
<v Speaker 3>We were talking about thought leadership.

00:16:59.524 --> 00:17:01.953
<v Speaker 3>What does it matter, right?

00:17:01.953 --> 00:17:03.913
<v Speaker 3>Okay, so I have all these life lessons, so what?

00:17:03.913 --> 00:17:09.259
<v Speaker 3>And she goes what's interesting about you is you're very particular about your words and your language.

00:17:09.259 --> 00:17:11.321
<v Speaker 3>And I said, yeah, cause words fucking matter?

00:17:11.321 --> 00:17:18.272
<v Speaker 3>And it was like, there you go, right, so she, really she's the one that saw something in me.

00:17:18.645 --> 00:17:24.250
<v Speaker 3>And then we wrote this book about the importance of language, and so, like even your podcast, like, I think, of Stephen Covey right, stephen Covey?

00:17:24.250 --> 00:17:29.317
<v Speaker 3>Right, stephen Covey writes right, your thoughts essentially become your destiny, right, it's?

00:17:29.317 --> 00:17:37.330
<v Speaker 3>Thoughts become actions, actions become behaviors, you know, and it goes on, and same with you, your thoughts become reality.

00:17:37.330 --> 00:17:44.112
<v Speaker 3>So these are both true, and my argument is simple they're incomplete, because your thoughts are governed in words they talk about.

00:17:44.112 --> 00:17:57.214
<v Speaker 3>When you master a language, you start to think in that language, you start to dream in that language, and so I'm only a native English speaker, that's the only language I know, and so I think in English words.

00:17:57.736 --> 00:18:11.070
<v Speaker 3>On average, we have 70,000 words we process a day in our thoughts in 7,000 spoken words, and my argument is simple when you change one word, you change your reality.

00:18:11.070 --> 00:18:16.009
<v Speaker 3>Oh, yeah, right, because it's about the perspective you have being aware.

00:18:16.009 --> 00:18:18.420
<v Speaker 3>Now, here's my perspective, not perception.

00:18:18.420 --> 00:18:20.145
<v Speaker 3>Well, this is what I think is going on in the world.

00:18:20.145 --> 00:18:22.409
<v Speaker 3>Well, hold on, let's be aware of who we are.

00:18:22.409 --> 00:18:25.032
<v Speaker 3>In my fighting position, this is what I see.

00:18:25.032 --> 00:18:30.441
<v Speaker 3>Let me articulate that with my words and be willing to change one word.

00:18:30.644 --> 00:18:32.573
<v Speaker 3>So I use the word when and not if.

00:18:32.573 --> 00:18:35.250
<v Speaker 3>When has a time component.

00:18:35.250 --> 00:18:44.952
<v Speaker 3>If is arbitrary, so when I change certain words, it changes the narrative when we get rid of the words like sorry and say thank you.

00:18:44.952 --> 00:18:49.049
<v Speaker 3>So instead of expressing remorse, we express gratitude.

00:18:49.049 --> 00:18:54.078
<v Speaker 3>Right, hey, sorry for being late Serves no one.

00:18:54.078 --> 00:19:00.817
<v Speaker 3>Thank you for your patience shows that I respect you enough to right.

00:19:00.817 --> 00:19:01.577
<v Speaker 3>I also accept.

00:19:01.577 --> 00:19:06.096
<v Speaker 3>I accept the fact I was late, I'm acknowledging it right, and I'm leading with gratitude.

00:19:06.096 --> 00:19:07.832
<v Speaker 3>Hey, thanks for your patience today.

00:19:09.164 --> 00:19:13.692
<v Speaker 3>And so when you change and shape that one world, you're going to build out this world.

00:19:13.692 --> 00:19:18.368
<v Speaker 3>That one word, you change the way you see the world around you.

00:19:18.368 --> 00:19:19.393
<v Speaker 3>The world has not changed.

00:19:19.393 --> 00:19:34.922
<v Speaker 3>I grew up with a plaque in our house and still hangs in my house to this day and I did not understand it the first 25 years I had it, and it essentially says that the world is 1% what happens around you and 99% of your attitude to what happens around you.

00:19:34.922 --> 00:19:35.903
<v Speaker 3>And it's no different.

00:19:35.903 --> 00:19:37.590
<v Speaker 3>Mass resiliency training teaches us.

00:19:37.590 --> 00:19:47.268
<v Speaker 3>There's an activated event, there's your thoughts and then your consequences, right, because your emotions, your actions, and it's like, okay, it was very eye.

00:19:47.268 --> 00:19:50.797
<v Speaker 3>It opened an eye to me when I realized I have no control over my actions.

00:19:52.425 --> 00:19:57.411
<v Speaker 3>All the studies say that you have no control over your actions and you have all the control in the world over your thoughts.

00:19:57.411 --> 00:20:02.907
<v Speaker 3>So, on this three-part equation, I'm not going to control what's happening around me, right, things that happen near me.

00:20:02.907 --> 00:20:09.195
<v Speaker 3>I'm not going to control how I react or respond to those situations.

00:20:09.195 --> 00:20:12.000
<v Speaker 3>However, I can control my thought.

00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:28.519
<v Speaker 3>So the argument I make in my book and it's backed up by research by Dr Bill Crawford is that when we take control of our thoughts, we start to respond to situations versus reacting to a stimulus, absolutely Right.

00:20:28.519 --> 00:20:46.503
<v Speaker 3>And when people I do keynotes and workshops and people look at me and they're like I don't know about that and I just say, okay, think about the last fight you had with your significant other, your heat of the moment, thought that more than likely came out of your mouth, right, were you responding to the situation or were you acting to the person?

00:20:46.503 --> 00:20:53.671
<v Speaker 3>And they're like oh yeah, you know that, son of a bitch, I can't believe I married him or whatever, right, and it's like, and it's comical and it's like why?

00:20:53.671 --> 00:20:58.070
<v Speaker 3>Well, yeah, because you're reacting to the person, not responding to the situation.

00:20:58.070 --> 00:21:00.885
<v Speaker 3>And it's like anything else in life, you've got to get the reps in.

00:21:00.885 --> 00:21:08.347
<v Speaker 3>When you learn to respond, when you lead with gratitude, when you change your thoughts, it becomes habitual.

00:21:08.347 --> 00:21:12.037
<v Speaker 3>You start looking for the gratitude, you start looking for the opportunity.

00:21:12.037 --> 00:21:16.153
<v Speaker 3>How do we respond to a situation versus reacting to a person?

00:21:16.153 --> 00:21:18.605
<v Speaker 3>And it takes rep after rep after rep after rep.

00:21:19.067 --> 00:21:20.431
<v Speaker 3>I have a live show every Monday.

00:21:20.431 --> 00:21:21.554
<v Speaker 3>It's called Andy Wines Live.

00:21:21.554 --> 00:21:22.557
<v Speaker 3>I go and I talk about it.

00:21:22.557 --> 00:21:40.413
<v Speaker 3>I wrote a book on it, right, and I feel like a preacher standing on the altar of righteousness, knowing that I'm a sinner, knowing that I fail at this every day, knowing that I make choices that are inconsistent with my North Star, out of convenience, out of excuse, out of spite, out of right.

00:21:40.413 --> 00:21:41.656
<v Speaker 3>To be human is to be to.

00:21:41.656 --> 00:21:42.506
<v Speaker 3>Error is to be human.

00:21:42.506 --> 00:21:49.186
<v Speaker 3>Right, I fail every day, right, and in reflection I say, okay, there's some opportunity.

00:21:49.186 --> 00:21:50.230
<v Speaker 3>All right, andy.

00:21:50.230 --> 00:21:54.137
<v Speaker 3>Right In the present, let's focus on the past.

00:21:54.137 --> 00:21:56.851
<v Speaker 3>And how do we impact the future, recognize the past?

00:21:56.911 --> 00:21:58.474
<v Speaker 2>and move on Absolutely.

00:21:58.474 --> 00:21:59.806
<v Speaker 2>That's how you learn, that's how you grow.

00:21:59.806 --> 00:22:03.016
<v Speaker 2>If you don't recognize it, if you don't see it, you're never going to move forward.

00:22:03.016 --> 00:22:10.068
<v Speaker 2>You're going to sit there and blame somebody else.

00:22:10.068 --> 00:22:11.535
<v Speaker 2>And I like to add the neuro encoding portion of this just for a second.

00:22:11.535 --> 00:22:25.750
<v Speaker 2>Every time you realize it, every time you catch it and you change your thoughts, celebrate it, pat yourself on the back, shake your ass, do what you got to do, just smile, release those endorphins, get all that good, those good uh hormones going through your body, because then your brain automatically looks forward again yeah, I really important.

00:22:26.251 --> 00:22:26.512
<v Speaker 3>I have.

00:22:26.512 --> 00:22:31.526
<v Speaker 3>So, um, uh, action coach, I love to give credit where credit is due, because I take right they.

00:22:31.526 --> 00:22:35.957
<v Speaker 3>They say when you, when you, uh, when you copy from one person, it's uh, plagiarism.

00:22:35.957 --> 00:22:40.384
<v Speaker 3>When you, when you copy from everybody, it's from old research, and so I'd like to cite my sources.

00:22:40.384 --> 00:22:43.371
<v Speaker 3>Okay, so, action coach, they have right, that's it right.

00:22:43.371 --> 00:22:48.772
<v Speaker 3>Right, we're going to talk about all the things you right, it's like I want to take all the best parts of all these things I've learned.

00:22:48.772 --> 00:22:55.674
<v Speaker 3>You know, and, action coach, they have the OAR, ownership, accountability, responsibilities, above the line, living Right.

00:22:55.674 --> 00:22:58.673
<v Speaker 3>And then there's the bed BED, blame, excuse, denial.

00:22:58.673 --> 00:23:00.066
<v Speaker 3>That's below the below the line.

00:23:01.247 --> 00:23:14.839
<v Speaker 3>I make the argument I made this argument a couple months ago and I've really tested it now when I watch people and listen to their language is people have a predisposition to one of the three right, and they rank them no different than fight, flight or freeze.

00:23:14.839 --> 00:23:16.321
<v Speaker 3>People have a predisposition.

00:23:16.321 --> 00:23:19.428
<v Speaker 3>So I know my predisposition.

00:23:19.428 --> 00:23:19.930
<v Speaker 3>Okay, so I'm a flyer.

00:23:19.930 --> 00:23:21.494
<v Speaker 3>Naturally, I think about me as a kid.

00:23:21.494 --> 00:23:22.690
<v Speaker 3>When my dad would yell, I'd run away.

00:23:22.690 --> 00:23:27.130
<v Speaker 3>When I would get in trouble at school, I would avoid it.

00:23:27.130 --> 00:23:28.032
<v Speaker 3>Right, I wouldn't just stand there.

00:23:28.032 --> 00:23:31.352
<v Speaker 3>I would just be like I'm not here, right, and also blame, excuse denial.

00:23:31.352 --> 00:23:33.922
<v Speaker 3>I'm a blamer, I 100% right.

00:23:33.922 --> 00:23:34.744
<v Speaker 3>I'm not giving you excuses.

00:23:34.744 --> 00:23:35.365
<v Speaker 3>That's lazy.

00:23:35.365 --> 00:23:36.787
<v Speaker 3>I'm not going to be denied the reality.

00:23:36.787 --> 00:23:40.570
<v Speaker 3>No, I'm going to find the information where I'm not responsible.

00:23:41.471 --> 00:23:57.175
<v Speaker 3>So I've had a personal situation recently where I did not ask the question that would have given me the information pertinent to the situation and I avoided the question because I didn't want to know the answer.

00:23:57.175 --> 00:23:59.212
<v Speaker 3>And then I made decisions Right.

00:23:59.212 --> 00:24:02.634
<v Speaker 3>And so now I can look back and said look at this information you withheld from me.

00:24:02.634 --> 00:24:04.990
<v Speaker 3>No, I never asked the question.

00:24:04.990 --> 00:24:07.151
<v Speaker 3>I never asked the question that was pertinent.

00:24:07.151 --> 00:24:08.335
<v Speaker 3>And I've done that here.

00:24:08.335 --> 00:24:10.424
<v Speaker 3>I've done that personally and professionally right.

00:24:10.424 --> 00:24:13.314
<v Speaker 3>I've hired people with the assumption oh, they want to do this or they want to do that.

00:24:13.314 --> 00:24:13.996
<v Speaker 3>I never asked them.

00:24:13.996 --> 00:24:22.278
<v Speaker 3>And so now I'm learning more and more to ask the questions necessary to capture the data that's most relevant.

00:24:22.278 --> 00:24:24.946
<v Speaker 3>Right Data-driven decisions starts with data.

00:24:24.946 --> 00:24:30.211
<v Speaker 3>The data that's most relevant, right Data-driven decisions starts with data, and for me I've been.

00:24:30.211 --> 00:24:36.836
<v Speaker 3>I've used my intelligence to assume right Versus using my ignorance to ask.

00:24:36.836 --> 00:24:40.859
<v Speaker 3>You know, lead with that ignorance, lead with that vulnerability.

00:24:40.859 --> 00:24:43.521
<v Speaker 3>Hey, I genuinely don't know the answer to this question.

00:24:44.021 --> 00:24:51.306
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we had a salesman right before this and there was an event was at a miller park, so it's a brewers game event and I asked my sales guy.

00:24:51.306 --> 00:24:53.010
<v Speaker 3>He said, hey, do you want to go to that?

00:24:53.010 --> 00:24:54.153
<v Speaker 3>And he kind of hemmed and hawed.

00:24:54.153 --> 00:24:55.425
<v Speaker 3>I'm like it's a yes or no.

00:24:55.425 --> 00:24:56.807
<v Speaker 3>He's like I would prefer not.

00:24:56.807 --> 00:25:01.914
<v Speaker 3>Okay, within a minute one of our other guys was walking by who also does the events.

00:25:01.914 --> 00:25:03.616
<v Speaker 3>I go, casey, you've been've been to a.

00:25:03.616 --> 00:25:04.679
<v Speaker 3>I said you want to go to Brewers game?

00:25:04.679 --> 00:25:05.921
<v Speaker 3>He's like I love going to Brewers games.

00:25:05.921 --> 00:25:07.288
<v Speaker 3>All right, good, right.

00:25:07.288 --> 00:25:09.012
<v Speaker 3>So instead of it's, it's, it's.

00:25:09.012 --> 00:25:09.875
<v Speaker 3>It's that simple.

00:25:09.875 --> 00:25:10.768
<v Speaker 3>It's a yes or I didn't.

00:25:10.768 --> 00:25:15.909
<v Speaker 3>I didn't do it Right and now I freed up inventory so our business development guy can do something else.

00:25:15.909 --> 00:25:16.328
<v Speaker 3>Why?

00:25:16.328 --> 00:25:17.349
<v Speaker 3>Cause I didn't assume I.

00:25:17.369 --> 00:25:18.811
<v Speaker 3>Accordingly, I am very aware, right, of that.

00:25:18.811 --> 00:25:19.372
<v Speaker 3>I'm bullish.

00:25:19.372 --> 00:25:29.830
<v Speaker 3>I think I'm the smartest person in the room.

00:25:29.830 --> 00:25:31.431
<v Speaker 3>I want to have all the answers.

00:25:31.431 --> 00:25:37.396
<v Speaker 3>I, selflessly or selfishly, whichever you want to look at it want to be the solver of all the problems.

00:25:37.396 --> 00:25:40.032
<v Speaker 3>Right, I have a, you know, a savior's complex.

00:25:40.032 --> 00:25:41.286
<v Speaker 3>So because of that, I go.

00:25:41.286 --> 00:25:43.948
<v Speaker 3>Okay, hold on, andy, you don't have to have all the answers.

00:25:43.948 --> 00:25:46.730
<v Speaker 3>I hire smart people to have them tell me what to do.

00:25:46.730 --> 00:25:49.873
<v Speaker 3>Steve Jobs mentality They'll tell me the right answers.

00:25:49.873 --> 00:25:55.778
<v Speaker 3>It's my job as a leader in business and in life to ask really good questions.

00:25:55.778 --> 00:26:00.061
<v Speaker 3>I got a 10-year-old daughter and that's the thing that I'm focusing on the most with her.

00:26:00.061 --> 00:26:17.270
<v Speaker 3>I want her to learn to ask really good questions, because then when you do that, the answers come to you and then you get to decide, based on that answer, what's your next question or what's your next course of action, because you have the information?

00:26:17.771 --> 00:26:18.694
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely.

00:26:18.694 --> 00:26:19.016
<v Speaker 2>I love that.

00:26:19.016 --> 00:26:23.556
<v Speaker 2>You know there's even with ourselves asking those questions, like you said before that we don't.

00:26:23.556 --> 00:26:27.678
<v Speaker 2>We don't want to know the answers to ourselves asking those questions, like you said before that we don't want to know the answers to.

00:26:27.678 --> 00:26:31.508
<v Speaker 2>If you go in there and you're curious not critical with yourself and or other people you get good answers.

00:26:31.508 --> 00:26:34.737
<v Speaker 2>Slow down, be present and ask the right questions.

00:26:35.424 --> 00:26:38.574
<v Speaker 3>I love the curiosity, so curiosity is a beautiful thing.

00:26:38.574 --> 00:26:41.549
<v Speaker 3>So in the military, I took the StrengthsFinder test.

00:26:41.549 --> 00:26:50.655
<v Speaker 3>Right, we all have 24 strengths, no weaknesses Weakness is a shit word right, we have strengths and we have things that aren't strengths, and on that test I scored.

00:26:50.655 --> 00:26:54.932
<v Speaker 3>My number one is zest for life and number 24 is humility.

00:26:54.932 --> 00:26:58.894
<v Speaker 3>So now that I'm aware of this, right, and again you laugh.

00:26:58.894 --> 00:27:03.233
<v Speaker 3>You've known me for all of 20 minutes now and you're like, oh, that story checks out right.

00:27:03.233 --> 00:27:08.277
<v Speaker 3>And so let me lead with this curiosity and also be humble.

00:27:08.625 --> 00:27:11.213
<v Speaker 3>I love what you use the word curious versus critical.

00:27:11.213 --> 00:27:16.635
<v Speaker 3>When people use the word constructive criticism, it's like well, that's an oxymoron.

00:27:16.635 --> 00:27:19.512
<v Speaker 3>Let's find a neutral word, right.

00:27:19.512 --> 00:27:21.070
<v Speaker 3>And now let's use the word feedback.

00:27:21.070 --> 00:27:22.790
<v Speaker 3>Feedback's a very neutral word.

00:27:22.790 --> 00:27:29.856
<v Speaker 3>In order to be great at seeking feedback, you also have to be great at receiving feedback.

00:27:29.856 --> 00:27:35.484
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely, and as a leader, that's been a difficult thing for me, or complicated, I'll say complicated.

00:27:35.484 --> 00:27:44.207
<v Speaker 3>It's been complicated for me because people look to me to have the answers like hold on, no, no, I, I, I need everybody at this table to show me all my blind spots.

00:27:44.207 --> 00:27:48.356
<v Speaker 3>Right, the world is 360 degrees and I see 180 degrees.

00:27:48.356 --> 00:27:49.038
<v Speaker 3>This is what I see.

00:27:49.038 --> 00:27:51.548
<v Speaker 3>You're at the table, we're at a round table.

00:27:51.548 --> 00:27:55.038
<v Speaker 3>What's behind me, what am I not seeing?

00:27:55.038 --> 00:28:02.571
<v Speaker 3>And that's what it's about be asking those good questions, being vulnerable, right, and the thought is okay, I don't know shit.

00:28:02.571 --> 00:28:06.854
<v Speaker 3>Let's start with I don't know what, I don't know, and I accept the fact that I don't know shit.

00:28:07.154 --> 00:28:11.308
<v Speaker 2>All right, and that's where most people get in trouble, right is they won't do that.

00:28:11.308 --> 00:28:13.432
<v Speaker 2>No, there's no stuff in there.

00:28:13.432 --> 00:28:22.096
<v Speaker 2>You know I've done it at times, and but how many you have those amazing people around you to fill those gaps and to help you.

00:28:22.096 --> 00:28:25.374
<v Speaker 2>So why not listen to everybody and then make decisions?

00:28:25.954 --> 00:28:31.278
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and for me, I know I'm in the wrong when I say something to the effect of I don't know what they were thinking, I don't know this.

00:28:31.278 --> 00:28:40.940
<v Speaker 3>As soon as I say I don't know, I am pre-blaming or pre-providing an excuse for my inability to ask the question, right?

00:28:40.940 --> 00:28:47.933
<v Speaker 3>So when I find myself I don't know what they were thinking, well, hold on, okay, fine Truth, that's a fact, right?

00:28:47.933 --> 00:28:48.736
<v Speaker 3>Let's start with a thought.

00:28:48.736 --> 00:28:50.290
<v Speaker 3>I don't know what they were thinking.

00:28:50.290 --> 00:28:52.730
<v Speaker 3>What's a good question to ask?

00:28:52.730 --> 00:28:54.194
<v Speaker 3>How are you thinking?

00:28:54.194 --> 00:28:55.689
<v Speaker 3>What are you thinking about?

00:28:55.689 --> 00:28:56.653
<v Speaker 3>How are you feeling?

00:28:56.653 --> 00:29:00.352
<v Speaker 3>Yep, right, in personal relationships, right?

00:29:00.352 --> 00:29:08.536
<v Speaker 3>How are you feeling is a great question, often where people are like, hey, are you good, are you bad, are you upset, are you happy?

00:29:08.536 --> 00:29:09.878
<v Speaker 3>No, no, how are you feeling?

00:29:09.878 --> 00:29:15.994
<v Speaker 3>And then do this magical thing and it's magical because it takes a lot of skill for me.

00:29:16.375 --> 00:29:26.759
<v Speaker 2>This magical thing Ask, because it takes a lot of skill for me, this magical thing Ask the question and then shut the fuck up Tip of the day.

00:29:26.778 --> 00:29:37.257
<v Speaker 3>Right there, right, create the time and space for the person to answer, be present, take a breath, and it's magical, because I have a radio background.

00:29:37.257 --> 00:29:39.692
<v Speaker 3>I hate dead air.

00:29:39.692 --> 00:29:51.585
<v Speaker 3>Silence scares me and yet again we're being vulnerable here today and I love vulnerability, I love sharing myself.

00:29:51.585 --> 00:29:55.171
<v Speaker 3>The more I own it, I'm a victor, right, I am a victor of the fact that silence scares me.

00:29:55.171 --> 00:29:55.633
<v Speaker 3>So you know what I do?

00:29:55.633 --> 00:29:56.576
<v Speaker 3>I fucking lean into it, I ask the question.

00:29:56.576 --> 00:29:57.962
<v Speaker 3>And I am a victor of the fact that silence scares me.

00:29:57.962 --> 00:29:58.464
<v Speaker 3>So you know what I do?

00:29:58.464 --> 00:30:04.436
<v Speaker 3>I fucking lean into it, I ask the question and then I sit there and I make a point.

00:30:04.436 --> 00:30:11.355
<v Speaker 3>When I ask a question and allow the time, I calm my breathing, I don't move, I don't drink my coffee.

00:30:11.355 --> 00:30:23.009
<v Speaker 3>I sit there because I want that person to have the utmost acceptance of who they are and I genuinely want to hear what they have to say.

00:30:23.009 --> 00:30:25.996
<v Speaker 3>And almost always this is what happens.

00:30:25.996 --> 00:30:27.526
<v Speaker 3>You say how are you feeling?

00:30:27.526 --> 00:30:28.167
<v Speaker 3>That's a good question.

00:30:28.167 --> 00:30:28.750
<v Speaker 3>How are you feeling?

00:30:28.750 --> 00:30:30.744
<v Speaker 3>Because we all feel things at times, right?

00:30:30.744 --> 00:30:32.626
<v Speaker 3>So how are you feeling about X, y, z?

00:30:32.626 --> 00:30:33.407
<v Speaker 3>It's a great question.

00:30:33.407 --> 00:30:34.348
<v Speaker 3>They'll answer question.

00:30:34.348 --> 00:30:34.910
<v Speaker 3>They'll answer.

00:30:36.991 --> 00:30:39.335
<v Speaker 3>Pause 15, 30 seconds.

00:30:39.335 --> 00:30:43.980
<v Speaker 3>Allow the uncomfortable silence to exist.

00:30:43.980 --> 00:31:02.154
<v Speaker 3>You're allowing that person time to process and at some point, when you see their emotions on their face start to come down right, because they're going from an emotional conversation to logically thinking about their emotions, which is different the next best statement tell me more.

00:31:02.154 --> 00:31:10.438
<v Speaker 3>You're now giving them permission to share what was in their head during the silence.

00:31:10.438 --> 00:31:13.732
<v Speaker 3>You're allowing them to be themselves.

00:31:13.732 --> 00:31:15.250
<v Speaker 3>You're not asking anything else of them.

00:31:15.250 --> 00:31:16.714
<v Speaker 3>You're not demanding.

00:31:16.714 --> 00:31:19.189
<v Speaker 3>You're saying here is the runway.

00:31:19.189 --> 00:31:26.728
<v Speaker 3>Tell me more, take as much runway as possible so we can start to take off and go in some direction.

00:31:26.728 --> 00:31:30.737
<v Speaker 3>And what I found with most people, they will embrace it.

00:31:30.737 --> 00:31:38.065
<v Speaker 3>You see this additional emotional conversation turn into a logical conversation.

00:31:38.065 --> 00:31:43.029
<v Speaker 3>This initial emotional conversation turned into a logical conversation and then often people won't ask for a timeout.

00:31:43.329 --> 00:31:45.971
<v Speaker 3>I'm a huge believer in taking a timeout, right, and I take them all the time.

00:31:45.971 --> 00:31:47.133
<v Speaker 3>I'm a natural flyer.

00:31:47.133 --> 00:31:57.507
<v Speaker 3>So when I'm in a conversation where it's no longer being productive, I'll say, hey, I need to remove myself from this conversation, right, I don't right I language.

00:31:57.507 --> 00:31:58.569
<v Speaker 3>I language is a beautiful thing.

00:31:58.569 --> 00:32:07.596
<v Speaker 3>Actually, I think I'm going to talk about I language today on my show the power of I Right, it's the most important and the most powerful way to start a sentence, right?

00:32:07.596 --> 00:32:15.993
<v Speaker 3>Hey, I am no longer productive in this conversation, so I am going to remove myself and I will let you know when I'm ready to reconnect Right and now.

00:32:15.993 --> 00:32:19.166
<v Speaker 3>Myself, and I will let you know when I'm ready to reconnect, right and now.

00:32:19.166 --> 00:32:26.532
<v Speaker 3>We're going to take the time, right, sometimes it's 30 seconds, sometimes it's 30 minutes, right, maybe it's a day, right?

00:32:26.532 --> 00:32:32.820
<v Speaker 3>And then reconvene so we can now have a logical conversation on an emotional situation.

00:32:32.820 --> 00:32:37.496
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I love that, which is significantly different than having an emotional conversation.

00:32:37.704 --> 00:32:39.621
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, about emotional situation, which is significantly different than having an emotional conversation about an emotional situation.

00:32:39.621 --> 00:32:44.115
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you got to step away, but I love the way you put it, though.

00:32:45.060 --> 00:32:45.723
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, absolutely love.

00:32:45.723 --> 00:32:52.519
<v Speaker 3>That Funny thing is I'm coming up with this on the fly, like this three-step methodology, because that's what I do, right?

00:32:52.519 --> 00:32:54.832
<v Speaker 3>So it's ask how you're feeling transition.

00:32:54.832 --> 00:33:02.601
<v Speaker 3>I'll shut the fuck up, tell me more and then allow the space, when needed, to reconvene as needed.

00:33:02.601 --> 00:33:10.765
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, absolutely, because what happens is we're planting the seeds which allows both people to subconsciously process this information.

00:33:10.765 --> 00:33:22.416
<v Speaker 3>It's one of the reasons why sleeping on it is great, because your brain is subconsciously processing all the thoughts from the day, and the next day you wake up you're like, wow, why did I respond that way?

00:33:22.416 --> 00:33:29.179
<v Speaker 3>Oh, I responded that way because this happened before and I came in and da da, da right, simple.

00:33:29.179 --> 00:33:30.729
<v Speaker 3>Have you ever heard of the HALT methodology?

00:33:30.729 --> 00:33:32.855
<v Speaker 3>No, okay, so HALT.

00:33:32.855 --> 00:33:38.751
<v Speaker 3>Halt is the simplest way to understand where you're at in your day Hungry, angry, lonely, tired.

00:33:40.246 --> 00:34:00.810
<v Speaker 3>I've spent a lot of time working on suicide prevention and crisis within veterans and I learned this I've probably seen I don't know 50 suicide briefs in my 20 years in the military and I forgot 48 of them 49 of them, right 48, because the other 49 were all the same thing, so I remember the one that was the same thing.

00:34:00.810 --> 00:34:07.836
<v Speaker 3>Every time there was one I saw five years ago, five or six years ago, and it was a civilian that came in and they talked about a halt.

00:34:07.836 --> 00:34:10.532
<v Speaker 3>And I've seen this in real life and real practice.

00:34:10.532 --> 00:34:21.409
<v Speaker 3>I've escorted some veterans to behavioral health and I see exactly what they do so halt hungry, angry, lonely, tired when you're in a crisis.

00:34:21.409 --> 00:34:28.090
<v Speaker 3>Yes, hungry, angry, lonely, tired when you're in crisis mode.

00:34:28.090 --> 00:34:29.514
<v Speaker 3>And I've seen again.

00:34:29.514 --> 00:34:31.251
<v Speaker 3>I, I, I can think of a gentleman.

00:34:31.251 --> 00:34:37.693
<v Speaker 3>We got back from Gitmo and I got a phone call from his wife not even a month later and he was in a rough spot.

00:34:37.693 --> 00:34:43.409
<v Speaker 3>He had two babies at the time.

00:34:43.409 --> 00:34:44.110
<v Speaker 3>They were struggling.

00:34:44.110 --> 00:34:46.614
<v Speaker 3>He was struggling and she called me.

00:34:46.614 --> 00:34:47.677
<v Speaker 3>I called the cops.

00:34:47.677 --> 00:34:53.728
<v Speaker 3>I got there and what I saw was we escorted him to behavioral health.

00:34:53.748 --> 00:34:54.309
<v Speaker 3>This is what they do.

00:34:54.309 --> 00:34:55.673
<v Speaker 3>You get there behavioral health.

00:34:55.673 --> 00:34:56.697
<v Speaker 3>They ask if you're hungry.

00:34:56.697 --> 00:34:58.025
<v Speaker 3>You say yes or no.

00:34:58.025 --> 00:34:58.367
<v Speaker 3>They feed you.

00:34:58.367 --> 00:35:00.152
<v Speaker 3>Then they put you to bed, that's it.

00:35:00.152 --> 00:35:02.525
<v Speaker 3>Next morning you wake up, they feed you.

00:35:02.525 --> 00:35:03.387
<v Speaker 3>They tell you to rest.

00:35:03.387 --> 00:35:05.815
<v Speaker 3>They feed you at lunch, they tell you to rest.

00:35:05.815 --> 00:35:07.326
<v Speaker 3>They feed you again.

00:35:07.326 --> 00:35:08.608
<v Speaker 3>At dinner, tell you to rest.

00:35:08.608 --> 00:35:11.431
<v Speaker 3>Third day, they feed you.

00:35:11.431 --> 00:35:17.121
<v Speaker 3>And now is the first time they ask what's going on, because, more than likely.

00:35:17.621 --> 00:35:25.547
<v Speaker 3>When you are in crisis mode, you are one of those four things, and often more than one you're hungry, you're angry, you're lonely, you're tired.

00:35:25.547 --> 00:35:32.867
<v Speaker 3>So, angry and lonely right are internal conflicts, right, they're subjective to a certain extent.

00:35:32.867 --> 00:35:38.905
<v Speaker 3>Right, tired and hungry are clearly objective and controllable.

00:35:38.905 --> 00:35:48.380
<v Speaker 3>So, when you go into behavioral health, those first 24 to 36 hours, all they do is feed you and allow you the time and space to rest.

00:35:48.380 --> 00:36:07.708
<v Speaker 3>And then, on day three or four, day two or three, however, whatever time in, right around that 36-hour mark, then they start having conversations and those conversations are significantly different than the conversations they would have had in hour zero.

00:36:08.250 --> 00:36:15.306
<v Speaker 3>I can only imagine yeah, right, so we can think about the Snickers commercial, about you know, betty White being hangry, right, like we all know it.

00:36:15.306 --> 00:36:16.592
<v Speaker 3>We all know what a hangry is.

00:36:16.592 --> 00:36:21.898
<v Speaker 3>Right, you're the f, you're hungry and you're angry, right, and you're probably angry because you're hungry.

00:36:21.898 --> 00:36:24.807
<v Speaker 3>What are you going to do about it?

00:36:24.807 --> 00:36:25.108
<v Speaker 3>Right?

00:36:25.108 --> 00:36:32.134
<v Speaker 3>The question always comes down to is okay, right, we've reflected, we are aware.

00:36:32.134 --> 00:36:35.306
<v Speaker 3>So now the magical thing to ask yourself is what am I going to do about it?

00:36:35.306 --> 00:36:36.007
<v Speaker 3>Am I going to do about it?

00:36:36.007 --> 00:36:37.989
<v Speaker 3>Right, I'm going to take the time to eat.

00:36:37.989 --> 00:36:42.155
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to take the time to rest, and what does that look like?

00:36:42.155 --> 00:36:48.088
<v Speaker 3>And then you can still be angry, you can still be lonely.

00:36:48.088 --> 00:36:51.876
<v Speaker 3>Now, at least you can look at it objectively and say, okay, well, what am I going to do about it?

00:36:51.876 --> 00:36:54.545
<v Speaker 3>Right, I was angry yesterday.

00:36:54.626 --> 00:36:58.050
<v Speaker 3>We had a situation where one of our guys didn't go to a networking event on a Sunday.

00:36:58.050 --> 00:37:00.293
<v Speaker 3>I was fuming, right.

00:37:00.293 --> 00:37:05.099
<v Speaker 3>And so once I text and realize the situation was the situation, I go, sounds good.

00:37:05.099 --> 00:37:08.804
<v Speaker 3>Yesterday afternoon I sent an email to our leadership team making them aware of the situation.

00:37:08.804 --> 00:37:10.331
<v Speaker 3>Right, I controlled what I controlled.

00:37:10.331 --> 00:37:12.192
<v Speaker 3>I made them aware of it, so they're not blindsided.

00:37:12.192 --> 00:37:13.851
<v Speaker 3>And then today I walked in.

00:37:13.851 --> 00:37:20.268
<v Speaker 3>I didn't even acknowledge it because there was nothing I could do about it.

00:37:20.268 --> 00:37:22.635
<v Speaker 3>And the gentleman that didn't go to the networking event, after our salesman this morning, he goes.

00:37:22.635 --> 00:37:27.771
<v Speaker 3>Hey, andy, I got to talk to you, sounds good, I knew what we were going to talk about and he owned his situation.

00:37:29.068 --> 00:37:31.485
<v Speaker 3>Me staying angry about it does not serve.

00:37:31.485 --> 00:37:33.373
<v Speaker 3>I'm not creating an environment for feedback.

00:37:33.373 --> 00:37:35.632
<v Speaker 3>I'm not creating an environment for grace.

00:37:35.632 --> 00:37:39.351
<v Speaker 3>I'm not being strong enough to be soft.

00:37:39.351 --> 00:37:41.331
<v Speaker 3>I was strong enough to be soft yesterday.

00:37:41.331 --> 00:37:42.536
<v Speaker 3>I addressed.

00:37:42.536 --> 00:37:45.146
<v Speaker 3>I triaged the situation and I went to the networking event.

00:37:45.146 --> 00:37:47.130
<v Speaker 3>I made the leadership team aware of it.

00:37:47.130 --> 00:37:54.068
<v Speaker 3>We charted the notes, if you will, and then I had the wherewithal and patience to wait for him to come to me.

00:37:54.068 --> 00:37:59.487
<v Speaker 3>I essentially called a timeout and allowed him then to come to me.

00:37:59.487 --> 00:38:07.152
<v Speaker 3>We had a very healthy conversation and a future-focused conversation, which is very different than a past-focused conversation.

00:38:07.152 --> 00:38:10.994
<v Speaker 3>I learned that recently.

00:38:10.994 --> 00:38:15.074
<v Speaker 3>One of the things I learned recently is it's better to argue about the future than the past.

00:38:15.074 --> 00:38:21.534
<v Speaker 3>People want to argue the facts about, the facts versus the past and the facts in the past versus.

00:38:21.534 --> 00:38:24.869
<v Speaker 3>Let's have an argument of where we're going in the future, because this we can control.

00:38:24.869 --> 00:38:25.391
<v Speaker 3>We can't argue.

00:38:25.391 --> 00:38:28.190
<v Speaker 3>Arguing about what happened does not serve me.

00:38:29.052 --> 00:38:29.735
<v Speaker 2>That is very true.

00:38:29.735 --> 00:38:30.737
<v Speaker 2>That is very true.

00:38:30.737 --> 00:38:33.614
<v Speaker 2>Hey Andy, we blew past time.

00:38:33.614 --> 00:38:34.769
<v Speaker 2>I didn't even pay attention.

00:38:35.025 --> 00:38:36.507
<v Speaker 3>We're like nine minutes over already.

00:38:36.507 --> 00:38:40.677
<v Speaker 3>I thought it was a 45-minute show, so I'm like, oh, we're good.

00:38:46.217 --> 00:38:52.246
<v Speaker 2>We didn't land the plane yet, so if you can, let's give us three tips to get veterans further faster.

00:38:52.266 --> 00:38:56.347
<v Speaker 3>If you will, sir, reset methodology, self-reflection, take the time and space.

00:38:56.347 --> 00:39:07.592
<v Speaker 3>Meditation, go for a walk, think you know, drive in silence, yoga, take the time to let your brain process all the things you've gone through in life right.

00:39:07.592 --> 00:39:09.672
<v Speaker 3>Allow that time and space for quiet.

00:39:09.672 --> 00:39:20.416
<v Speaker 3>Second thing become hyper aware of your perspective on the world so that your perception of reality does not get in the way.

00:39:20.416 --> 00:39:22.838
<v Speaker 3>And finally, regulate.

00:39:22.838 --> 00:39:35.184
<v Speaker 3>Learn to regulate in real time Breathe before walking into a situation, anticipate favorable outcomes and be excited when otherwise you feel nervous, to reduce your anxiety.

00:39:35.184 --> 00:39:48.487
<v Speaker 3>And when you do those three steps consistently, they become habitual and you will reap the destiny and you'll become the person you were always meant to be by that three-step methodology.

00:39:49.110 --> 00:39:50.693
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely love it, man, absolutely love it.

00:39:50.693 --> 00:39:54.070
<v Speaker 2>And I just want to add on every time you do one of those things, celebrate it.

00:39:54.070 --> 00:39:57.447
<v Speaker 2>Celebrate it Makes your brain look for it more.

00:39:57.447 --> 00:39:59.945
<v Speaker 2>So, amen, amen, absolutely love this time, man.

00:39:59.945 --> 00:40:10.041
<v Speaker 2>Uh, love to have you back on again sometime, if you're up for that absolutely amen, um, so andy, um, as always, you know, time's most valuable resource we have as human beings.

00:40:10.041 --> 00:40:11.405
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for spending this time with us.

00:40:11.405 --> 00:40:14.630
<v Speaker 2>Really, really appreciate it, man, appreciate it all.

00:40:14.650 --> 00:40:26.070
<v Speaker 1>Right, on that note, everybody, we are out of here thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your thoughts your reality podcast with your host, michael cole.

00:40:26.070 --> 00:40:29.728
<v Speaker 1>We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.

00:40:29.728 --> 00:40:35.849
<v Speaker 1>To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empower performance strategiescom.

00:40:35.849 --> 00:40:36.692
<v Speaker 1>Remember your thoughts, shape your reality.

00:40:36.692 --> 00:40:37.715
<v Speaker 1>So visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.

00:40:37.715 --> 00:40:41.288
<v Speaker 1>Remember your thoughts, shape your reality, so make them count.

00:40:41.288 --> 00:40:46.318
<v Speaker 1>Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.

00:40:46.318 --> 00:40:48.070
<v Speaker 1>Catch you on the next episode.