Unlocking Potential: Eric Stenlake’s Neuroencoding Insights for Military Families
Ever wondered how brain health can transform the lives of military families? Join us as we sit down with Eric Stenlake, a dual elite neuroencoding specialist, whose profound insights into neuropsychology and coaching have made a significant impact on veterans and their families. Eric’s journey, enriched by his mentors Dr. Daniel Amen and Dr. Joseph McClendon III, is a testament to the power of neuroencoding in unlocking human potential. His transition from education and sports to championing brain health at Franklin Covey is nothing short of inspirational.
Eric sheds light on the mental health struggles faced by veterans and their families, sharing a poignant story of a father whose son battled substance abuse due to underlying mental health issues. Discover how neuroencoding played a critical role in the son’s recovery journey, ultimately leading to a milestone of one-year sobriety. We delve into the psychological hurdles veterans encounter during reintegration into civilian life, emphasizing the loss of military camaraderie and the invaluable support needed during this period of adjustment.
Family transitions, especially within military households, come with their own set of emotional complexities. Eric discusses strategies to engage teens in open conversations about their feelings during relocations, and offers practical advice on involving younger children in the moving process. He also touches on the sensitive topic of coping with a military spouse's injury, stressing the importance of open dialogue and mutual understanding. Wrapping up, Eric provides actionable tips to make the most of our time and empower our thoughts, urging listeners to visit empowerperformancestrategies.com for more resources. Get ready to be motivated and take charge of your reality!
Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:
https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com
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WEBVTT 00:00:02.927 --> 00:00:11.691 <v Speaker 1>Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges. 00:00:11.691 --> 00:00:23.506 <v Speaker 1>Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life. 00:00:23.506 --> 00:00:34.789 <v Speaker 1>Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more. 00:00:34.789 --> 00:00:42.552 <v Speaker 1>Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward. 00:00:47.262 --> 00:00:48.960 <v Speaker 2>Hello, hello, hello everybody, hey. 00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:52.826 <v Speaker 2>So today I am super excited I have my friend, eric Stenlake on here. 00:00:52.826 --> 00:00:55.929 <v Speaker 2>Eric is a dual elite neuroencoding specialist. 00:00:55.929 --> 00:01:12.768 <v Speaker 2>He's an expert in neuropsychology and brain health, extensive experience in coaching teens and young adults, really focuses on supporting family readiness and resilience during transitions, and he's going to provide guidance on managing the psychological impact of social events and so on. 00:01:12.768 --> 00:01:16.278 <v Speaker 2>So, eric, I am so honored to have you on here. 00:01:16.278 --> 00:01:18.022 <v Speaker 2>Why don't you tell us a little bit more about yourself? 00:01:19.105 --> 00:01:21.109 <v Speaker 3>Hey, michael, thanks so much for having me. 00:01:21.109 --> 00:01:24.504 <v Speaker 3>It's my honor and privilege to be here with you and your audience. 00:01:24.504 --> 00:01:27.670 <v Speaker 3>So a little bit into my background. 00:01:27.670 --> 00:01:30.956 <v Speaker 3>I've been in education since 1996. 00:01:30.956 --> 00:01:38.466 <v Speaker 3>I've been a teacher and athletic director. 00:01:38.466 --> 00:01:40.959 <v Speaker 3>I've been in sports involved in all of that. 00:01:40.959 --> 00:01:46.224 <v Speaker 3>I've been a coach, a life coach for, like you said, for teens and young adults and families. 00:01:46.224 --> 00:01:53.923 <v Speaker 3>I've been with Franklin Covey for the last 14 years, in leadership of which I go into schools all around North America. 00:01:53.923 --> 00:02:05.911 <v Speaker 3>I've had the privilege to be on many, many bases which have schools that are there for the military families in California, arizona, nevada. 00:02:05.911 --> 00:02:20.841 <v Speaker 3>I've been in Veterans Administration buildings in Texas, florida, working with staff of all different levels and walks of life within that, from call center employees to JAG attorneys and their office spaces. 00:02:20.841 --> 00:02:36.701 <v Speaker 3>So I've really got to be able to have some fun and see what military life looks like from very, very different experiences and be able to support and learn and guide all at the same time. 00:02:37.263 --> 00:02:38.990 <v Speaker 2>Fantastic, Eric. 00:02:38.990 --> 00:02:40.032 <v Speaker 2>Is there anything you haven't done? 00:02:40.855 --> 00:02:41.479 <v Speaker 3>Well, I don't know. 00:02:41.479 --> 00:02:45.110 <v Speaker 3>I got a few things on my to-do list this summer, so I'll get back to you on that. 00:02:45.110 --> 00:02:50.832 <v Speaker 3>Who knows what's going to present itself right and what's going to show up and how I can serve really. 00:02:52.782 --> 00:02:56.532 <v Speaker 2>Fantastic and I'm excited to see the stuff you're doing this summer so excellent. 00:02:56.532 --> 00:03:10.116 <v Speaker 2>Why don't you share, if you will, a little bit about your journey, particularly what inspired you to become a neuron coder and really get into brain health and this realm, if you will? 00:03:10.116 --> 00:03:13.199 <v Speaker 2>What happened in life, what brought you here? 00:03:14.426 --> 00:03:15.520 <v Speaker 3>Yeah, great question. 00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:24.694 <v Speaker 3>So the brain health component that was a piece of a business that my wife and I had for many years where we did cognitive abilities testing and training. 00:03:24.694 --> 00:03:44.747 <v Speaker 3>And here we are in Southern Orange County in Southern California, which is at the north gate of Camp Pendleton, so we had a lot of military families that would come in and work with us because their kids were struggling moving into new areas and new schools and different things like that. 00:03:44.747 --> 00:03:54.352 <v Speaker 3>We had people that really had issues with brain health in some way, shape or form learning, disabilities, challenges, things like that that would pop up. 00:03:54.352 --> 00:04:03.391 <v Speaker 3>And so that's the brain health component that I got into years ago and so, working with Dr Daniel Amen, he actually mentored my wife and I, which was really, really cool. 00:04:03.391 --> 00:04:36.276 <v Speaker 3>We got to have some sit downs in his office and and pick his brain and we used his content in our center and we saw such great results with kids and families on how to navigate through brain health challenges, how to eat healthy, exercise, set up systems and operations of which you're going to get the most out of your brain and your body connection so that you can be at your max potential in whatever it is that you are taking on in life. 00:04:36.276 --> 00:04:38.898 <v Speaker 3>Go ahead. 00:04:38.898 --> 00:04:39.718 <v Speaker 3>No, please. 00:04:39.718 --> 00:04:41.663 <v Speaker 3>I was just saying that's fantastic, yeah. 00:04:41.704 --> 00:04:53.074 <v Speaker 3>So the neuroencoding piece of that came into being because I had seen Dr Joseph McClendon III present and wow, what an amazing, amazing experience that was. 00:04:53.093 --> 00:05:00.625 <v Speaker 3>And I remember sitting in the audience going I don't know who that guy is, but that's how you do it and I want to know how to do it, and that's been my. 00:05:00.625 --> 00:05:09.031 <v Speaker 3>And when this certification came around with the Neuroencoding Institute, I was like, boom, I am on it, no questions asked, and I jumped in. 00:05:09.031 --> 00:05:55.488 <v Speaker 3>What I didn't realize, michael, was the impact that it was going to have on me as a father and what has happened and transpired over the last number of years in our family, in that our oldest son unfortunately fell into the trap of drug and alcohol abuse and what we didn't understand at the time was the mental health issues that he was going through that led him down that path and we didn't clue into it right, we weren't educated enough at the time to understand that and then to see how our other two kids fell in line with other mental health problems that stemmed from the PTSD that we were experiencing as a family, and we all went through that. 00:05:55.949 --> 00:06:19.595 <v Speaker 3>We all went through that process with PTSD and needing to get help as a family unit to navigate through that and it's really helped me to be able to support him over the last few years, and I can proudly say that my son just celebrated his one-year sobriety celebration. 00:06:19.595 --> 00:06:21.005 <v Speaker 3>So thank you, God, for that. 00:06:21.005 --> 00:06:24.314 <v Speaker 3>That was a beautiful, beautiful night of celebration and honestly, Michael, I don't. 00:06:24.314 --> 00:06:49.714 <v Speaker 3>That was a beautiful, beautiful night of celebration and honestly, Michael, I don't know that I would have gotten there myself if it hadn't been for the neuroencoding, Because, using the mindset tool set and skill sets that we get from that process then transferred not only to me but to every member in my family and I was able to support our son in a way that really helped him. 00:06:50.579 --> 00:06:51.644 <v Speaker 2>Yeah, and that's fantastic. 00:06:51.644 --> 00:06:59.052 <v Speaker 2>You know, sometimes we don't know what we're about to get into and or how it's going to change our lives. 00:06:59.052 --> 00:07:04.567 <v Speaker 2>If you will, I know I had something, not the same but in a sense similar, when I got into neuroencoding. 00:07:04.567 --> 00:07:13.711 <v Speaker 2>How you know, it literally changed my life, because we don't teach theory right, we actually do these things, we learn these things and then we spread it for other people and help other people. 00:07:13.711 --> 00:07:18.266 <v Speaker 2>So, and how lucky are you, your whole family does it. 00:07:18.266 --> 00:07:20.351 <v Speaker 2>So, amen, I love it, man. 00:07:20.351 --> 00:07:36.451 <v Speaker 2>So let me just ask you you know from your experience, what are some of the most significant psychological challenges that veterans face coming out of the transition, when they're coming back? 00:07:36.451 --> 00:07:37.112 <v Speaker 2>I know, I know it's. 00:07:37.112 --> 00:07:37.372 <v Speaker 2>You know. 00:07:37.392 --> 00:07:40.160 <v Speaker 1>Especially, I want you to really focus on the family unit, if you will because that's your expertise, even more so. 00:07:40.360 --> 00:07:41.922 <v Speaker 2>So if you would speak on that, that'd be fantastic. 00:07:41.922 --> 00:07:43.423 <v Speaker 2>Yeah, so if you would speak on that? 00:07:43.663 --> 00:07:44.204 <v Speaker 3>that'd be fantastic. 00:07:44.204 --> 00:08:41.572 <v Speaker 3>Yeah, so what I've experienced with families over the years and, like I said, I've had the privilege to work with families in military based schools, public schools, and this has come up a lot, and so as I'm teaching and one of the things I teach in that is the seven habits of high effective families and the challenges that I have seen and have come up over that course of teaching and training with, that comes in two forms retire from military life or are they coming back from deployment and they're going to be stationed here at that base for x amount of time, uh, before then going out on to another adventure, if you will, and so I'll take, I'll take both of those, if that's okay, coming absolutely they're both. 00:08:41.692 --> 00:08:42.760 <v Speaker 2>They're both very important here. 00:08:42.780 --> 00:08:49.033 <v Speaker 3>Thank you, yes yeah, coming back and then saying, okay, this, this chapter of my life is over. 00:08:49.033 --> 00:08:54.136 <v Speaker 3>Now we as a family, if we're living on base, are moving off. 00:08:54.136 --> 00:09:02.514 <v Speaker 3>If we're off base and whatnot, you know what, where do we get plugged into life? 00:09:02.514 --> 00:09:27.969 <v Speaker 3>And I'm going to say specifically for the soldier in that let's, let's unpack that for a moment, because here, here I am, within this brotherhood, if you will of I've got my, my group around me, will of I've got my group around me, and I know, the guy next to me, the girl next to me, whatever that situation is, that we are completely in sync. 00:09:27.969 --> 00:09:30.533 <v Speaker 3>We are doing everything to support each other. 00:09:30.533 --> 00:09:36.793 <v Speaker 3>We have that camaraderie at a level that normal people don't understand. 00:09:37.360 --> 00:09:40.089 <v Speaker 2>Very true, very true, and I'm glad you're bringing this up, eric. 00:09:40.089 --> 00:09:53.027 <v Speaker 2>This is a very big point, especially with transitioning and coming back, and you see this over and over where and it's not just the veteran, but you're going to touch on the family as well but they've grown apart, they don't know each other. 00:09:53.027 --> 00:10:00.171 <v Speaker 2>Everybody's grown and changed in that two years or whatever the case may be, and then that veteran comes back and feels very alone. 00:10:00.171 --> 00:10:01.741 <v Speaker 2>So I'm really glad you're bringing this up. 00:10:01.741 --> 00:10:03.846 <v Speaker 2>So thank you please. 00:10:04.048 --> 00:10:11.589 <v Speaker 3>So now, a veteran that is retired, right and now trying to understand where they fit into society. 00:10:11.589 --> 00:10:13.732 <v Speaker 3>Where do they go? 00:10:13.732 --> 00:10:14.494 <v Speaker 3>What do they do? 00:10:14.494 --> 00:10:16.683 <v Speaker 3>Oh, I got to get a job. 00:10:16.683 --> 00:10:19.071 <v Speaker 3>So what am I going to do? 00:10:19.071 --> 00:10:21.698 <v Speaker 3>What's a company that hires veterans? 00:10:21.698 --> 00:10:22.080 <v Speaker 3>I don't know. 00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:23.283 <v Speaker 3>Let's just pull one out of the hat. 00:10:23.283 --> 00:10:28.222 <v Speaker 3>So now I go to that said company which, by the way, thank you, companies that are doing that. 00:10:28.222 --> 00:10:39.567 <v Speaker 3>I go to that said company and I get hired and I find myself in that organization, standing there, going where am I? 00:10:39.567 --> 00:10:40.249 <v Speaker 3>What am I doing? 00:10:40.249 --> 00:10:44.684 <v Speaker 3>I don't know what I'm doing. 00:10:44.924 --> 00:11:10.147 <v Speaker 3>I know I have a job here of which I'm going to do, and so I'm saying all that because I really, really want to encourage everyone that's listening to this that, if this is applicable to you and your family, unit your structure, or maybe you're single and you're coming back from deployments and you said, okay, I've done this this timeframe and now I'm going to be out, Am I on my own? 00:11:10.147 --> 00:11:14.539 <v Speaker 3>Am I going back home to said family that I grew up with? 00:11:14.539 --> 00:11:17.365 <v Speaker 3>What is that transition look like for you? 00:11:17.365 --> 00:11:19.389 <v Speaker 3>Now let's go back to the families for a second. 00:11:19.389 --> 00:11:22.926 <v Speaker 3>So I walk in the door, I am said soldier. 00:11:22.926 --> 00:11:24.144 <v Speaker 3>I walk in the door. 00:11:24.144 --> 00:11:31.860 <v Speaker 3>Here's kids that don't really know me because they haven't seen me much for a while, Spouse or partner that is in that same boat. 00:11:31.860 --> 00:11:39.794 <v Speaker 3>There is a time frame of adjustment that we will go through for us to now reconnect. 00:11:40.542 --> 00:11:48.553 <v Speaker 2>And Eric, if I can just add something really quick so be very conscious of when soldiers and families reconnect. 00:11:48.553 --> 00:11:56.467 <v Speaker 2>There's generally a quick honeymoon phase, if you will, where it's I love you and it's all wonderful, and so on, and then the reality sets in. 00:11:56.467 --> 00:11:58.948 <v Speaker 2>So, please, you know continue. 00:11:59.861 --> 00:12:11.923 <v Speaker 3>So now, in that point, then you know everybody's happy that I'm home and back and I gotta tell you it there's, there's transition stuff there. 00:12:11.923 --> 00:12:13.788 <v Speaker 3>I'm looking around going why is this like this? 00:12:13.788 --> 00:12:14.650 <v Speaker 3>Why is that like that? 00:12:14.650 --> 00:12:16.423 <v Speaker 3>That's not supposed to be like that. 00:12:17.245 --> 00:12:36.009 <v Speaker 3>And so now I start making changes and I've heard this so many times I start making operational changes within the family unit and that starts creating some turbulence and because I'm coming from this very, very rigid, structured, do this now, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. 00:12:36.009 --> 00:12:37.770 <v Speaker 3>And it's very regimentated. 00:12:37.770 --> 00:12:46.249 <v Speaker 3>And now coming and wanting to do that same process here in the home, which is can create some challenges. 00:12:46.249 --> 00:12:51.086 <v Speaker 3>So so that leads me into when I'm talking with families about okay, well, what? 00:12:51.086 --> 00:12:58.807 <v Speaker 3>What does your internal op I call it the iOS right, we have, we have iOS for our devices your internal operating system. 00:12:59.147 --> 00:13:04.596 <v Speaker 3>What is your family's internal operating system of which you are going to use to be your guide? 00:13:04.596 --> 00:13:10.052 <v Speaker 3>Do we have a very strict, regimentated from start to finish of my day? 00:13:10.052 --> 00:13:12.808 <v Speaker 3>Where is that flexibility coming in? 00:13:12.808 --> 00:13:16.551 <v Speaker 3>Where is the engagement and the empowerment of the family members? 00:13:16.551 --> 00:13:22.760 <v Speaker 3>How do we get back together of the family members? 00:13:22.760 --> 00:13:23.341 <v Speaker 3>How do we get back together? 00:13:23.341 --> 00:13:35.365 <v Speaker 3>What activities can we do to really re-engage in relationships and really pausing and being slow to allow that to be is a challenge in itself as well. 00:13:36.268 --> 00:13:43.684 <v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, and you bring that up and I don't think a lot of people realize how much it just comes down to that communication. 00:13:43.684 --> 00:13:50.464 <v Speaker 2>Yeah, really, just slowing down, leaving space for the other person and creating a plan. 00:13:50.464 --> 00:14:00.390 <v Speaker 2>Hey, you know, this is where I'm at, where are you at, how do we work this together and how do we implement our children if that's the case? 00:14:00.390 --> 00:14:06.126 <v Speaker 2>So you know, a lot of people just come back and it's just boom, boom, boom, I got a good job, I got to do this, I got to do that. 00:14:06.126 --> 00:14:09.470 <v Speaker 2>And creates all the stress and anxiety in the family household. 00:14:09.470 --> 00:14:11.489 <v Speaker 2>So excellent, excellent point. 00:14:11.489 --> 00:14:21.671 <v Speaker 2>So, when coaching teens and young adults that have military parents, what unique challenges do you see with them compared to their peers? 00:14:23.020 --> 00:14:30.693 <v Speaker 3>Yeah, very, very, very interesting question that comes up 100% of the time. 00:14:31.320 --> 00:14:45.414 <v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I really want parents to hone in on what he's about to say, because that communication is a big part of what he's about to say, because you need to leave space where they so, so they feel seen, feel heard where they are as well. 00:14:45.414 --> 00:14:46.481 <v Speaker 2>My opinion. 00:14:47.245 --> 00:14:48.389 <v Speaker 3>Yeah, thank you, michael. 00:14:48.389 --> 00:15:14.210 <v Speaker 3>Yeah, so this comes up and and we get into a number of different spaces on this, and what I mean by that is depending upon the age of the kids the younger they are, the easier it is transitioning and whatnot, because they don't truly, truly understand what's going on, right, you start getting into older elementary and kids are tapping into, we're moving again in some way, shape or form. 00:15:14.210 --> 00:15:21.808 <v Speaker 3>There's change that's happening and you know how is this going to affect me. 00:15:21.808 --> 00:15:37.692 <v Speaker 3>You go into the teens and that's that gets really, really challenging in that they feel like, you know, I've just made friends, I've just gotten settled, just gotten comfortable here, and now I'm up and going again. 00:15:37.692 --> 00:15:45.504 <v Speaker 3>And now I'm up and going again and I might stay in contact on social media with some people. 00:15:45.504 --> 00:16:11.527 <v Speaker 3>You know there's a lot of walls that kids will have up for protection in this timeframe, right, and I don't want to let that wall down and get very close to people because I got to put that wall back up again, because I'm shipping out with my family and we're going somewhere else or there's going to be other transitional change that's happening. 00:16:12.087 --> 00:16:30.701 <v Speaker 3>Really, engage your teens on what they're thinking and feeling and begin to have those conversations of what are you excited about for this, what are you most nervous or what do you foresee as a challenge here? 00:16:30.701 --> 00:16:33.988 <v Speaker 3>What do you like about moving? 00:16:33.988 --> 00:16:40.822 <v Speaker 3>What don't you like about moving and being very, very open and honest, vulnerable. 00:16:40.822 --> 00:16:43.485 <v Speaker 3>Yes, I like this part, I don't like this part. 00:16:43.485 --> 00:16:51.030 <v Speaker 3>Yeah, this has been great, or that didn't work out last time, so maybe we should not do that again. 00:16:51.030 --> 00:17:06.528 <v Speaker 3>Right to stay intact and our operating systems to help us be moving in that direction together, so we have less bumps in the road. 00:17:06.528 --> 00:17:21.353 <v Speaker 3>If you will, I want to get everyone engaged in that process of understanding how each family member feels, and then I, as an adult in the family then, can be very, very aware. 00:17:21.353 --> 00:17:28.799 <v Speaker 3>So now I start tuning into what I see as behavioral changes, whether it's verbal or physical. 00:17:28.799 --> 00:17:31.630 <v Speaker 3>I'm seeing eating changes happening. 00:17:31.630 --> 00:17:44.779 <v Speaker 3>I'm seeing sleep patterns changing, changing. 00:17:44.799 --> 00:17:49.009 <v Speaker 3>Those are the things that most come up and allow them to be able to then express something back to me, because I want to know what they're going through. 00:17:49.009 --> 00:17:50.840 <v Speaker 3>The worst thing I can do is just go. 00:17:50.840 --> 00:17:53.468 <v Speaker 3>Well, it's okay, they'll get through it. 00:17:53.468 --> 00:17:55.271 <v Speaker 3>We just got to go and do this. 00:17:56.079 --> 00:17:58.750 <v Speaker 2>That doesn't happen, that does not happen. 00:17:58.809 --> 00:18:07.773 <v Speaker 2>All that does is build resentment and all kinds of other issues, and the more they keep that deep inside, the worse it's going to come out later. 00:18:07.773 --> 00:18:10.025 <v Speaker 2>Yeah, the worse it's going to come out later. 00:18:10.025 --> 00:18:11.750 <v Speaker 2>So great information. 00:18:11.750 --> 00:18:12.391 <v Speaker 2>Thank you, eric. 00:18:12.391 --> 00:18:14.840 <v Speaker 2>Hey, everybody, just so you know there's a reason I have this man on here. 00:18:14.840 --> 00:18:17.482 <v Speaker 2>Fantastic, thank you. 00:18:17.482 --> 00:18:21.625 <v Speaker 2>So I'd like to move even more into the kids. 00:18:21.625 --> 00:18:24.728 <v Speaker 2>So what are some aspects? 00:18:24.728 --> 00:18:37.996 <v Speaker 2>I mean, I don't know how many children actually listen to this show, but I guess for the children, how can parents help them think more positively about moving? 00:18:37.996 --> 00:18:41.577 <v Speaker 2>And maybe some tips there, if you can. 00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:48.544 <v Speaker 3>Yeah, so I'm going to start with the teens, right, because that that seems to be the toughest, the toughest piece of this. 00:18:48.544 --> 00:18:55.462 <v Speaker 3>I coach the teens on if you don't feel that you can verbalize this to your parents, write a letter. 00:18:55.462 --> 00:19:06.607 <v Speaker 3>Write a letter to them on how you feel, and that seems to work out really, really great, and I've had some great feedback over the years on that. 00:19:06.607 --> 00:19:48.500 <v Speaker 3>I am so glad that my kid did this, because I had no idea how they were feeling and for them to verbalize it like that and get it down on paper, that changed their whole perspective on the move process and so, because of that, their system then began to accommodate everyone's thoughts and feelings on where we're going and how we're going to get there right, on where we're going and how we're going to get there Right and you know, sometimes kids are good about it of which they will have that open relationship and be able to just verbally share it out. 00:19:48.500 --> 00:19:52.307 <v Speaker 3>That's fantastic and of course, we encourage that too. 00:19:53.881 --> 00:19:54.883 <v Speaker 1>The younger kids. 00:19:57.548 --> 00:20:05.957 <v Speaker 3>I see this happening in a number of different ways Helping your kids pack, being there and talking with them. 00:20:05.957 --> 00:20:13.261 <v Speaker 3>You know we, we they're looking at, you know what they have in terms of physical things. 00:20:13.261 --> 00:20:18.561 <v Speaker 3>And kids will say, hey, I remember when I got this here from this move. 00:20:18.561 --> 00:20:20.919 <v Speaker 3>I remember this from this place, this from this place. 00:20:20.919 --> 00:20:23.861 <v Speaker 3>Maybe you need to downsize a little bit. 00:20:23.861 --> 00:20:29.159 <v Speaker 3>Well, we're going through to close, what, what, what can you, you know, donate what we're going through to close? 00:20:29.159 --> 00:20:29.819 <v Speaker 3>What can you donate? 00:20:29.819 --> 00:20:31.830 <v Speaker 3>What can we give to others, other kids? 00:20:31.830 --> 00:20:34.517 <v Speaker 3>Well, maybe I can give this stuffed animal. 00:20:34.517 --> 00:20:58.433 <v Speaker 3>And I love hearing those stories where kids have done that and families have done that, because it really, again, it's about the engagement in the process and I know things are stressful from the adult's perspective, but I really, really want to encourage you guys to slow down and push the pause button and just show up and be present for your kids. 00:20:59.096 --> 00:21:02.063 <v Speaker 3>Be present yes, and have those conversations. 00:21:02.990 --> 00:21:15.605 <v Speaker 2>Absolutely, and I think also just going off what you were just talking about, when, when you're going through the stuffed animals and you make it a cool thing to give that to some another kid, that's going to make them happy. 00:21:15.605 --> 00:21:21.497 <v Speaker 2>I know, in my life I've done that and my kids have done that and we're excited. 00:21:21.497 --> 00:21:38.803 <v Speaker 2>You know I'm giving this up and that's okay because I'm making Johnny happy, as you know, as all get out, you know, and and even sometimes giving it in person instead of just donating it to a friend or something like that really relates, a cool thing, yeah, so. 00:21:38.803 --> 00:21:42.601 <v Speaker 2>So we're going to go a little little deeper now, if you will. 00:21:43.411 --> 00:21:52.343 <v Speaker 2>So your, your military spouse gets injured, you know, in combat or whatever the case may be, comes back. 00:21:52.343 --> 00:21:55.920 <v Speaker 2>Obviously, there's a whole new dynamic there as well. 00:21:55.920 --> 00:22:06.577 <v Speaker 2>So, again, with the spouse, with even the aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, parents, all of those things, let's just cover it all right now, eric. 00:22:06.577 --> 00:22:11.571 <v Speaker 2>So, and the children, right, it's a whole new dynamic. 00:22:11.571 --> 00:22:21.871 <v Speaker 2>So give some tips and thoughts on ways to communicate, ways to reframe it, if you will, to a better place. 00:22:23.673 --> 00:22:28.078 <v Speaker 3>Yeah, and listen, this is going to be a learning experience for you and your family. 00:22:28.078 --> 00:22:34.165 <v Speaker 3>You've got the soldier that's coming back with the trauma of being shot. 00:22:34.165 --> 00:22:41.814 <v Speaker 3>You've got the physical, mental, emotional traumas from that experience. 00:22:41.814 --> 00:22:48.105 <v Speaker 3>Right and now to come back into the family, of which now the kids see me different. 00:22:48.105 --> 00:22:52.815 <v Speaker 3>To come back into the family, of which now the kids see me different. 00:22:52.815 --> 00:22:53.676 <v Speaker 3>Something's different about dad. 00:22:53.676 --> 00:22:54.779 <v Speaker 3>Dad's been shot. 00:22:54.779 --> 00:23:09.145 <v Speaker 3>Dad may have this, uh, you know something on his body that is different, uh, and and being able to have those that open communication, I know, know, for me as a guy, I don't want to tell anybody. 00:23:09.309 --> 00:23:17.493 <v Speaker 3>I want to stuff that down so far, deep down there, and not share that, because I know I need to be that rock for the family. 00:23:17.493 --> 00:23:21.730 <v Speaker 3>And I'm going to tell you right now, gents, that's the worst thing that we can do. 00:23:21.730 --> 00:23:24.214 <v Speaker 3>We've got to be able to share that. 00:23:24.214 --> 00:23:27.319 <v Speaker 3>So I am going to share with my partner. 00:23:27.319 --> 00:23:31.385 <v Speaker 3>Be able to share that, so I am going to share with my partner. 00:23:31.385 --> 00:23:32.428 <v Speaker 3>This is what I'm experiencing. 00:23:32.428 --> 00:23:38.152 <v Speaker 3>I'm having nightmares, I'm having flashbacks. 00:23:38.152 --> 00:23:39.114 <v Speaker 3>I can still hear the noise. 00:23:39.114 --> 00:24:02.849 <v Speaker 3>I have these smells, these sensory trauma triggers that are coming up and if I get super triggered like don't take it personally, just know the space that I'm coming from and why, and then be able to have that conversation with my kids. 00:24:02.849 --> 00:24:07.733 <v Speaker 3>And if I get upset, it's not you, it's not you, it's me. 00:24:07.733 --> 00:24:18.104 <v Speaker 3>And learning how to talk through that with my family was, is, is the biggest gift that you could give yourself and your family and really quick. 00:24:18.164 --> 00:25:06.233 <v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, but just on that note, when you're feeling that trigger, you're, you're, you're feeling that overwhelm, that anxiety, you're having that flashback, you're having those, those sensory components that are coming to light, have a code word between the adults so that you're I just got to chill, so that you can literally say I'm going to go Jumanji and maybe that's not good with kids, but you know what I mean but so that you can get that space, not that you should be alone, but so that you can get that space to be held, for that partner to be present with you and you can get that potential space from the kids or something that also may not be helping with that trigger. 00:25:06.996 --> 00:25:13.171 <v Speaker 2>So just just a quick thought and, eric, I apologize, but I thought it was important to to bring up and I didn't want to forget it. 00:25:13.171 --> 00:25:16.898 <v Speaker 2>Um, have that, but don't go be in solitude. 00:25:16.898 --> 00:25:19.523 <v Speaker 2>Yeah, if you need to, not for long. 00:25:19.523 --> 00:25:23.337 <v Speaker 2>Yeah, so that your partner can come and be there for you. 00:25:23.337 --> 00:25:28.577 <v Speaker 2>Um, because I promise you it's not a weakness, it's a courage to let people know. 00:25:28.577 --> 00:25:37.836 <v Speaker 2>Number one, it's the biggest courage from what I've seen, and your partner wants to be there for you and it makes them feel good to be there for you. 00:25:37.836 --> 00:25:38.176 <v Speaker 2>Yeah. 00:25:39.720 --> 00:25:42.336 <v Speaker 3>That's all I got, please, yeah, no, that's that's fat. 00:25:42.336 --> 00:26:12.371 <v Speaker 3>If I could give, if I could give a tip or tool for everyone out there that's listening to this some things that I have used within PTSD and traumas is understanding that when that sensory surfaces, that emotion surfaces, that feeling surfaces, whatever it is, to don't freak out, just say, just acknowledge it. 00:26:12.371 --> 00:26:16.699 <v Speaker 3>Okay, hey, fear how you doing, what's going on. 00:26:16.699 --> 00:26:22.232 <v Speaker 3>I see you, I feel you, I know you're there. 00:26:22.232 --> 00:26:23.654 <v Speaker 3>What am I fearful of? 00:26:23.654 --> 00:26:24.957 <v Speaker 3>And identify what. 00:26:24.957 --> 00:26:33.972 <v Speaker 3>That is how I send that fear off is in a number of different ways that I go through this process. 00:26:33.972 --> 00:26:49.737 <v Speaker 3>One is I will think of whatever that fear is and I will take that specific situational fear and I'll say, okay, I'm going to put you on up in that cloud up there, see that big puffy white cloud, and I'll visualize that. 00:26:49.737 --> 00:26:57.500 <v Speaker 3>And I'm going to put you on up in that cloud up there, see that big puffy white cloud, and I'll visualize that and I'm going to take whatever that is, I'm going to put that up in the cloud, I'm going to send it on its way. 00:26:57.500 --> 00:27:16.637 <v Speaker 3>I have just dealt with that fear in a healthy, healthy way that I identify with that fear, I recognize it, but I'm not going to stay attached to it, because now I know that I'm going to be in that place of fear which is going to bring up more emotions and more emotions, and it's going to begin to snowball. 00:27:17.099 --> 00:27:20.112 <v Speaker 3>Another way I do that, too, is I picture myself on the beach. 00:27:20.112 --> 00:27:21.354 <v Speaker 3>I got crashing waves. 00:27:21.354 --> 00:27:30.136 <v Speaker 3>I'm going to take that whatever it is kind of like a rock, if you will and I'm going to chuck it out into the water. 00:27:30.136 --> 00:27:32.064 <v Speaker 3>The waves are going to crash over it, drag it out of the ocean. 00:27:32.064 --> 00:27:32.445 <v Speaker 3>It's going to go. 00:27:32.445 --> 00:27:32.666 <v Speaker 3>So where? 00:27:32.666 --> 00:27:38.019 <v Speaker 3>However that's, however, that's going to be for you, come up with your own thing, right, uh? 00:27:38.019 --> 00:27:49.027 <v Speaker 3>And and get into that place, of which you just pause and be with that emotion and and recognize it, accept that it's there and then send it on its way. 00:27:49.027 --> 00:27:50.410 <v Speaker 3>I love it, I love it. 00:27:51.230 --> 00:27:55.281 <v Speaker 2>I teach people something very similar as well with coaching and trainings. 00:27:55.281 --> 00:28:02.900 <v Speaker 2>I have them be present in it, lean into it a little bit so you understand where it's possibly coming from, so you can deal with it. 00:28:02.900 --> 00:28:09.163 <v Speaker 2>And I pretend it's a balloon and then cut, snip, snip, snip, cut it and let it float away. 00:28:09.163 --> 00:28:10.694 <v Speaker 2>So very, very similar. 00:28:11.135 --> 00:28:11.657 <v Speaker 1>I love that. 00:28:11.877 --> 00:28:13.352 <v Speaker 2>I love that, eric. 00:28:13.352 --> 00:28:14.477 <v Speaker 2>This has been fantastic. 00:28:14.477 --> 00:28:19.096 <v Speaker 2>We're getting low on time and so definitely need to have you back, sir. 00:28:19.096 --> 00:28:20.298 <v Speaker 2>You've been fantastic. 00:28:20.298 --> 00:28:21.883 <v Speaker 2>Thank you. 00:28:21.883 --> 00:28:25.359 <v Speaker 2>So, before we go, how do people get a hold of you? 00:28:26.269 --> 00:28:30.971 <v Speaker 3>Okay, so I'm on all the social medias Energetic Life Now you can find me on there. 00:28:30.971 --> 00:28:37.811 <v Speaker 3>Empowered Family Network is my private Facebook group, empowered Family Network. 00:28:37.811 --> 00:28:40.277 <v Speaker 3>You can go connect with me there. 00:28:40.277 --> 00:28:44.991 <v Speaker 3>I do a lot of teaching and training on that in that space as well. 00:28:44.991 --> 00:28:49.343 <v Speaker 3>Happy to connect with you guys and anything that you need. 00:28:50.170 --> 00:28:50.712 <v Speaker 2>Fantastic. 00:28:50.712 --> 00:28:58.189 <v Speaker 2>Thank you, Eric is an amazing resource, Dear friend, and I'm telling you right now, this man is an amazing resource. 00:28:58.189 --> 00:29:00.919 <v Speaker 2>So again, thank you for everything. 00:29:00.919 --> 00:29:07.817 <v Speaker 2>Before we go, there is a blue QR code on the right-hand corner of your screen. 00:29:07.817 --> 00:29:10.333 <v Speaker 2>Scan that, it takes you to. 00:29:10.333 --> 00:29:15.019 <v Speaker 2>If you're just listening, thank you, Eric, if you're just listening, empowerperformancestrategiescom. 00:29:15.019 --> 00:29:17.096 <v Speaker 2>Again empowerperformancestrategiescom. 00:29:17.096 --> 00:29:33.378 <v Speaker 2>If you scan the QR code, it takes you there and there's all kinds of resources, some free e-books that I've written for resources for families and veterans, and also our social media groups, Facebook and so on again, for both families and the veterans themselves. 00:29:33.378 --> 00:29:35.101 <v Speaker 2>So please look into that. 00:29:35.101 --> 00:29:38.724 <v Speaker 2>So, before we go you didn't know this was coming, I didn't tell you. 00:29:38.724 --> 00:29:40.987 <v Speaker 2>Uh-oh, Did I tell you? 00:29:40.987 --> 00:29:41.891 <v Speaker 2>I'm not sure. 00:29:41.891 --> 00:29:45.675 <v Speaker 2>I need three tips for veterans and their families to get them further faster. 00:29:45.736 --> 00:29:48.299 <v Speaker 3>Three tips Three tips, three tips. 00:29:48.299 --> 00:29:49.102 <v Speaker 3>All right, here you go. 00:29:49.102 --> 00:29:49.461 <v Speaker 3>You ready. 00:29:49.461 --> 00:29:50.503 <v Speaker 3>You might want to write this down. 00:29:50.503 --> 00:29:50.923 <v Speaker 3>Get ready. 00:29:50.923 --> 00:29:51.525 <v Speaker 3>Here it comes. 00:29:51.525 --> 00:29:54.618 <v Speaker 3>Number one be gentle with yourself. 00:29:54.618 --> 00:30:03.663 <v Speaker 3>Be gentle with yourself, know that you are in a transition, or I like to use the word level up. 00:30:03.663 --> 00:30:06.657 <v Speaker 3>You're leveling up from one place to the next. 00:30:06.657 --> 00:30:14.559 <v Speaker 3>Get ready for that, be in it, be accepting of that leveling up and be gentle with yourself and others in that process. 00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:18.233 <v Speaker 3>Two is engage and empower the members of the family. 00:30:18.233 --> 00:30:39.717 <v Speaker 3>Meaning gather them around and let them know where you need help and support, ask them where they need help and support, and then you guys, all your internal operating system then begins to be this whole system of support and protection for you as a family unit. 00:30:39.717 --> 00:30:42.363 <v Speaker 3>Two raise your family unit awareness. 00:30:42.363 --> 00:31:00.082 <v Speaker 3>Meaning that you are all consciously aware of what each other needs at any given point in time, that you're recognizing that by sight, by hearing, by their body language, and that you step in and be there and support each other in your journey. 00:31:01.089 --> 00:31:01.791 <v Speaker 2>Absolutely love it. 00:31:01.791 --> 00:31:05.260 <v Speaker 2>Fantastic tips, honestly, some of the best, thank you. 00:31:05.260 --> 00:31:07.332 <v Speaker 2>Thank you so much, eric. 00:31:07.332 --> 00:31:11.903 <v Speaker 2>Most important resource we have on this earth as humans is time. 00:31:11.903 --> 00:31:13.373 <v Speaker 2>Thank you for spending it with us. 00:31:13.373 --> 00:31:14.256 <v Speaker 2>Thank you so much. 00:31:14.256 --> 00:31:15.178 <v Speaker 2>Thanks for having me. 00:31:15.178 --> 00:31:16.121 <v Speaker 2>We are out of here. 00:31:19.070 --> 00:31:25.523 <v Speaker 1>Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole. 00:31:25.523 --> 00:31:29.192 <v Speaker 1>We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you. 00:31:29.192 --> 00:31:36.175 <v Speaker 1>To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom. 00:31:36.175 --> 00:31:40.752 <v Speaker 1>Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count. 00:31:40.752 --> 00:31:45.804 <v Speaker 1>Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire. 00:31:45.804 --> 00:31:47.536 <v Speaker 1>Catch you on the next episode.